


Magic and Madness

by aheinila



Series: Magic and Madness [2]
Category: Hunter X Hunter, Wheel of Time - Robert Jordan
Genre: Action/Adventure, Aged-Up Character(s), Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Crossover, Crossovers & Fandom Fusions, F/M, Friendship, Gen, Horror, Hurt/Comfort, Schemes and Manipulations, Slow Build, Slow Burn, Some Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-28
Updated: 2019-02-28
Packaged: 2021-02-25 23:08:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 29
Words: 181,406
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21723502
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aheinila/pseuds/aheinila
Summary: When forced to choose between watching a friend die or leaping to save them, Killua is always going to take the leap. Obviously that's the right choice, isn't it? This time the leap landed him with Alluka and Gon in a parallel universe, and the right choice had dire consequences.
Series: Magic and Madness [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1797208
Kudos: 15





	1. A Day at the Park

Kurapika held his pen poised above a blank sheet of stationary. He had not yet been able to jot even a single word down. His conviction was as strong as could be, but that didn't make the realities of this decision any easier. _She will feel abandoned. Nothing I have to say is going to take the hurt from that._ He set the pen down and held his head in his hands. _This is the right thing to do, so why does it make me feel so terrible?_

After a succession of steadying breaths, he lifted his head and the pen and tried again. It seemed there was only one place to start.

_I am sorry._

He wrote the three words, and then forced his hand to keep moving.

* * *

Killua let himself and his sister into Kurapika's house while the light of sunrise was still new, spilling hazy illumination onto the dark hardwood flooring. Living the life of a Mafia boss, his friend owned homes peppered throughout multiple continents - this one was only a forty minute drive from Yorkshin City.

Alluka stood, tense, just beside him. She had _not_ been privy to Kurapika's plans until he had awoken her this morning – the secret had seriously eaten at him – and she'd made it clear on the drive over in no uncertain terms that she thought the entire affair was cruel. Now, she was silent.

He listened carefully and exhaled a breath of relief when he couldn't hear any signs that Naeva was awake. With effort, Killua mustered what he hoped was an encouraging smile for his sister. Alluka braced her hands on her hips and stared him down for a long moment before starting up the stairs for Naeva's bedroom. _Thank you, Alluka._ There was really no overstating the soothing effect his sister had on her best friend. Naeva kept a much tighter reign on her temper when Alluka was nearby.

Wishing it didn't feel as though he were bracing himself for an impending battle, Killua waited. Six minutes passed – six very _long_ minutes – before he heard the upstairs door open once again, accompanied by the muffled voices of the two girls. Alluka was visible first, bounding lightly down the stairs with enthusiasm plain on her face now. He was glad to see she was quick to forget the storm that this day would bring down on their heads. It would've been nice if he could forget about it, too. Behind her a few steps shuffled Naeva, one hand raised to rub blearily at her eyes with a knuckle.

Naeva looked, as well she might, like she'd been wrenched from bed and caught up in an unexpected whirlwind. She was dressed haphazardly in what he estimated to be whichever items from her closet had been the first to catch Alluka's discerning eye. Pleated white chiffon shorts draped loosely to her knees, cinched about her waist with a wide yellow belt. Tucked into the shorts was a petal pink blouse – pale against the warm brown of her complexion – with sheer, gauzy sleeves and a high collar upon which fumbling fingers had missed a button. Atop everything, absurdly enough, she wore an unzipped leather vest with rows of silver studs across the shoulders. Her brown hair was piled into a messy bun atop her head and secured there tenuously with a black velvet scrunchie.

Naeva lowered her hand to the balustrade, and when she fixed her eyes on him they were more sleepy than steely. Killua couldn't quite suppress a smile. The contrast to her normally meticulous appearance and composure was amusing. At the bottom of the stairs, she paused to stifle a yawn with the back of one hand. "G'morning, Killua," she mumbled.

"Good morning." Killua replied as evenly as possible, and reached out to adjust her collar so that it was properly buttoned to just beneath her chin. She always kept her neck covered. So well did she hide the ghastly purple scar left by the _a'dam_ that he'd wager there were no more than a handful of people who had ever caught sight of it.

Naeva nodded thanks and then blinked down at herself a few times as if unsure what she was looking at. "Alluka-chan, what am I wearing? I look like-"

"You look terrific!" Alluka assured her, beaming.

Killua added his own opinion, "You look like a miniature sorority girl with a biker boyfriend."

Naeva shook her head, bun wobbling dangerously. "Burn you both." She darted a very suspicious gaze between them and he narrowly kept his cool. "What mischief are you up to?"

 _Can't rely on her brain being foggy much longer. Stage two: distraction._ Hurriedly, he grabbed a pair of small white sandals from beside the door that were certainly not Kurapika's. Killua pushed them into her hands. "We're sneaking you out. So shush, and let's go."

Naeva hesitated, but fortunately she was intrigued enough that she buckled her sandals on without argument. He held the door open and Alluka took Naeva by the hand, the three of them creeping out together. Killua made a show of shutting the door quietly and motioning for silence as they jogged down the driveway to where he'd parked the car strategically out of sight of the house.

The girls piled into the back seat together and Killua flipped the car around to speed back to the highway. When he turned to go east, opposite the direction of the city, Naeva spoke up skeptically. "Am I allowed to know where we are going now?"

Alluka took it upon herself to explain, and she did it a lot better than he could have managed. "An amusement park! With roller coasters and go-karts and cotton candy and- oh, we're going to have so much fun!"

Naeva shot him a piercing look that he caught in the rear view mirror and swiftly looked away from. "Do you mean Wendervul Park?"

Killua glanced back at the mirror. "Have you been there before?"

Naeva shook her head, now looking notably more energetic. "I have only seen the advertisements on television." There was a bashful smile on her lips. He snapped his attention back to the road.

Alluka gave a delighted cheer. "I can't wait!"

 _I can._ His guilt stewed to nausea as the miles flew by. _She's going to hate me when everything today is all said and done._ That was a miserable thought, and all the worse for how he couldn't summon any optimism to refute it. His eyes flitted to read the time off the digital display in the dashboard. Right about now, Kurapika's party and the other voyagers for the Dark Continent would be queuing to board the ship that would carry them there. Killua was very conscious of the envelope folded in the pocket of his denim jacket.

With his thoughts in turmoil and the two girls chatting contentedly in the back seat on their own, it felt like no time at all had passed before he was pulling into a parking spot within sight of the thrill rides of Wendervul Park. He'd been here before three times, once each with Gon and Alluka and once with the both of them together. As she climbed from the car, his sister gave another cheer that transitioned halfway into a yawn. _I woke her up too early, as well._

"Let's make coffee a priority," Killua suggested.

Naeva nodded her agreement, but distractedly. Her eyes were tracing an eager path along the tracks of the tall roller coasters. She'd come a decent way from her initial suspicion of all modern technology. He often wondered what her original world had been like. She almost never spoke of it, and the few comments she'd let slip over the years had been mostly offhand and obscure. At this point, Killua had built up the vague idea of a fantasy style realm stuck in the dark ages and ruled by sorcerers. It was both a humorous and unsettling mental image.

Killua locked the car and slipped his keyring back into his pocket. It would serve neither him nor Kurapika very well if he allowed himself to be scatterbrained today. Countdown to the Black Whale's departure was ticking away inside his brain. _I wish Gon was here. It's so much easier to be positive when he's around._ Gon was way luckier than he in this situation. His best friend would be going to the port today to say goodbye to everyone and watch the ship set sail. That was mostly to prevent Gon accidentally spilling the truth to Naeva before the appropriate time, but it still felt unfair.

Killua summoned a lighthearted smile. It definitely wasn't his best but it served its purpose, for Naeva returned the gesture with a delighted grin. The morning, at least, he could make sure was a happy one.

* * *

Naeva was experiencing a level of adrenaline comparable to any peak she had felt before. She had been nearly bouncing on tiptoe while she waited in line to board this ride. **The Annihilator** – her first roller coaster! Not one single doubt had struck her mind until the moment that the safety bar was swung down to settle over her lap with a few ratcheting clicks. And it was such a tiny doubt; the merest seed of unease. On her either side, Killua and Alluka appeared to have no such misgivings.

Once the passengers were secured, they surged forward with a lurch that slowed sickeningly into creeping forward momentum. It was when they were being pulled up the first incline – as her back fell flat against the hard seat and her eyes met the sky above – that Naeva began to seriously question her decision to board this thrill ride. She was not certain whether it was the ceaseless noise of rattling chains and grinding metal or the sudden sight of the apex of their climb that sent her over the edge and into full blown panic, but she had the mortified realization that she was whimpering to herself. "No, no, no. Why did I do this?" Her voice was a shrill whine. They reached the top, and for one terribly nauseous moment everything felt utterly still.

"You should hold on," Killua advised her. She could hear the smirk in his voice. Then they were pulled downward so impossibly fast that she felt her weight lift from the seat.

Naeva screamed, and only after they reached the bottom of the descent and sped onward without crashing did she realize that her terror had her clinging to Killua with an iron grip. As they were climbing again she disentangled herself and transferred her white knuckled hands to the safety bar instead. Alluka laughed.

 _I am not going to die!_ Naeva reminded herself – not at all hysterically – as they approached the next drop. _Nobody is going to die. Fun, this is designed to be fun._ As she repeated the thought like a mantra, they cleared the top of the high rise and another burst of adrenaline raced along her veins to tingle in her tense fingers. Naeva let herself give in. There was not even the illusion of control here. **The Annihilator** had all the power in this situation. Strangely, she found it a liberating thought. As they plunged downward again she allowed herself to really feel the wind against her face and her heart pounding against her rib cage. In a dazzling instant, she decided that it could be enjoyable. The speed stole her breath away, or perhaps she had screamed again.

The entirety of the ride could not have lasted more than a minute or so, but as they came to a clattering stop she felt as though she could remember the tiniest details about every harrowing second. Quite gratefully, Naeva accepted Alluka's assistance to pull her wobbly legs beneath her and climb out of the roller coaster. She continued to lean on her best friend while the three of them exited.

"Well? Wasn't it great?" Alluka asked.

Naeva sucked in a long breath and stilled her quivering, exhilarated muscles. Killua's abrupt snickering drew her attention and though she struggled to look indignant she soon found herself giggling along hopelessly. She rested her head against Alluka's shoulder to muffle the sound and buy a few moments to calm down. "At first it was worse than I could have expected," she admitted, finally. "But then it was exciting."

Alluka grinned. "You even screamed!"

Theatrically, Naeva gasped in mock outrage and splayed a hand across her chest. "I did _not_ scream!"

That set Killua off again and he walked away a few paces to lean against a fence, shoulders shaking with laughter. She smiled at the sight. Making him laugh like that always felt like a true accomplishment. He only turned back around again once he had some level of composure back, but there was still a twitching smile playing across his lips. "Well, I don't see how we can top that. Where do you wanna go now?"

Naeva considered the question, clasping her hands lightly behind her back and tilting her face up. She scanned the clear blue sky, enjoying the warmth of the summer sun on her skin. "Does any one else feel like hunting down lunch?" Her mouth watered at the thought of food. "Someone hauled me out of bed early and did not even bother to feed me breakfast this morning." She fluttered her lashes and put on her best pout - it wrenched embarrassed blushes from both of her targets.

"It's definitely lunch time by now!" Alluka hastily agreed.

Killua pulled his phone from his pocket long enough for a brief glance. After another moment's hesitation, he nodded. "Alright. There's a decent place not too far from here to get grub."

They set a direct course back to the parking lot, which took them through the carnival area. Games and prizes lined their pathway and employees called out like hecklers to entice and beckon. One such employee – a lanky adolescent boy with copper colored hair and a knavish look that reminded her of her Uncle Mat – made eye contact with her for a split second and shouted out, "Hey now, babe, don't leave empty handed!"

Naeva pointedly ignored the boy and did not slow her pace, but Alluka turned a glance backward. Perhaps that emboldened him, for he chose to try again. He went with a more effective strategy, even.

"Aw, is your boyfriend afraid he'll lose?"

Killua halted and whirled about. She and Alluka came to an abrupt stop rather more clumsily, so as not to stagger into him. Killua heaved a sigh, but the look he shot the other boy was amused more than anything. "Well, see anything you like?" he asked the two of them, with a gesture toward the swaggering boy's carnival prizes.

Alluka perked up and practically strong-armed Naeva over to the booth, warm blue intent locked on a fluffy plush panda bear. At sixteen years now, her dear friend still had a weakness for all things cute – particularly stuffed animals. She pointed a gleeful finger at the mass of black and white fuzz. "What about that one, Onii-chan?"

The carnival boy, who had been looking them up and down as they approached, stumbled back a step when Killua more or less materialized before him. Her silver haired friend leaned casually over the counter, hands in his pockets. "What do I have to do to win the panda?"

"Well, the challenge you see before you-" The boy abandoned his prepared spiel in favor of an expedited version after a sharp narrowing of Killua's eyes. He cleared his throat and waved lackadaisically behind him at a display of heavy-bottomed glass bottles arranged into five identical pyramids. "Five hundred Jenny gets you five throws. Ten points for every bottle that falls and a one hundred point bonus if you knock down every bottle in a single pyramid. The panda costs fifteen hundred points."

Killua touched a hand to his chin and looked the setup over rapidly, appraising. "What happens if I knock down every bottle in every pyramid? Shouldn't that award a bigger bonus?"

The boy's response was to snort as if the idea were hilarious and offer Killua a sympathetic look. "Two thousand points total if you break every single bottle, but it's not really possible." He laughed again. "It'll take you a few tries no matter how hard you can throw, dude. I hope the pretty girls aren't too disappointed." He punctuated that with an emphatic wink in their direction that Naeva flatly ignored.

 _He is like Mat. Rapscallion fool boy._ The thought prompted a flood of recollections – her uncle truly had flirted and charmed every woman who crossed his path. She had a particularly fond memory of the day he had finally relented to her incessant plea that he take her to a common room for an evening out. The tavern maid had been besotted after two well aimed compliments and her uncle had left that evening having paid for none of the wine he had imbibed. That had been just before she left home for Tar Valon, and in hindsight she suspected that he had only agreed as an act of rebellion against the notion of his niece becoming Aes Sedai. _'Some common bloody experience will do you good.'_ She could hear his words again – his voice – so clearly. And like an epiphany, she understood the truth he had been trying to communicate to her. _It has done me good, Uncle. Light! I wish you could see me now._

Naeva pulled herself back into the present moment just as Killua was sliding a paper bill across the counter. He ignored the boy then and turned to them with a perfunctory smirk. "Five throws and then we can go. It'll only take a second."

Alluka grinned up at her brother.

The employee lined five baseballs up on the counter and backed away. He covered his mouth with his hand and forced a cough to ineffectively disguise a derisive snicker.

A light of accepted challenge blazed in Killua's eyes. Naeva drew on Saidar to sharpen her senses and still Killua was far too quick for her to catch every motion as the five balls were thrown. Each hit the bottle at the very center of its respective pyramid. Had Naeva not been watching so carefully, she would have missed the brief pulse of static that burst from each point of impact and shattered all of the bottles simultaneously.

The carnival boy leaped backward. He stared in mute shock down at the finely crumbled glass across the tarp covered ground until Killua clicked his tongue with impatience. Then the boy scurried into action, retrieving the fluffy panda and thrusting it at Alluka's eager embrace without a word.

"Thank you, Onii-chan!" Alluka gushed, snuggling a cheek against her soft prize.

"Wait!" Killua snapped his fingers as the employee was taking the opportunity to sidle away backwards. "Don't I still have five hundred points to spend?"

Dismally, he nodded the affirmative.

Killua pointed at something small underneath the glass counter top and the boy wasted no time in snatching it for him. Once the bauble had been dropped into his waiting palm, Killua gave a dismissive nod to the boy for his compliance and then turned neatly away. He twirled a plastic hair clip over the knuckles of his left hand. It was ostentatiously cheap looking, neon pink with a yellow and black cartoon style bumble bee affixed to the top of it. Naeva went motionless when Killua reached right out and slid the clip into her hair to tuck back a stray lock that had fallen free from her bun. "There. A keepsake." He nodded once, as if to himself. "It really ties your whole outfit together."

Killua took a step backward and Naeva realized she had been holding her breath. The vivid awareness of how ridiculous she looked had her oxygen lost to an irresistible peal of laughter.


	2. Jubilation in the Wake of Fury

After lunch and before they had been more than fifteen minutes back on the road, Naeva and Alluka fell asleep leaning against each other in the back seat of the car. Killua slowed his speed when he noticed, in no hurry himself to get back to Kurapika's house. He kept stealing quick glances in the rear view mirror and wincing internally at how content the girls were. As much as he wanted to unburden himself of the secret he'd been carrying, he hated that he'd have to see the weight of the deception come down on Naeva. It might not matter to her how noble Kurapika felt his reasoning was, and there was that old saying about shooting messengers... _I'd be lucky to get shot. She's gonna set me on fire._

Killua slowed the car to the barest crawl for the winding gravel road that served as Kurapika's driveway. It still wasn't long before the house was in front of him, unlit and empty looking. He cut off the engine and leaned his head back to enjoy the interlude of silence. Afternoon sunlight cast long shadows from the trees that blanketed the property in seclusion. Undoubtedly Kurapika had paid a pretty penny to have his property landscaped. Yorkshin was a desert, after all. Some of Naeva's magic might've even been involved in keeping this much foliage green.

For some time, the only noise was the gentle rhythm of breathing from the back seat and his own nervous heartbeat. Killua made himself open up his door. The interior light came on, alerting the girls. They shook themselves briskly awake from the catnap and climbed out of the car just behind him.

Naeva took no particular notice of the darkness of the house. Kurapika's words echoed through his mind. _'If you get her out of the house early, she'll have no reason to wonder where I am until late in the evening. She is accustomed to Senritsu and I working long hours. By the time you have to tell her, I'll be far out to sea.'_

Reluctantly, Killua followed the two of them into the house. _I'm not going to wait any longer. You're already hours gone, Kurapika. I can't make this situation worse by dragging it out further._ But he couldn't seem to say anything at all as Naeva and Alluka rushed up to her bedroom together and he was left alone again in his reflections. Killua only realized he'd done nothing but stand forlornly in the foyer when they came back down the stairs again, relieved of their theme park memorabilia. Naeva's hair had been re-groomed, pulled up in a high ponytail that tumbled to just beneath her shoulder blades.

"Killua, are you alright?" Naeva's voice, lightly edged with worry, sliced right into him.

"Kurapika isn't here." He spoke without thought and then shook his head, angry at himself for the tactless words.

Naeva smiled like she wanted to reassure him. "It is quite common for he and Senritsu to be out until the later hours."

Killua shook his head again. As he opened his mouth to spill the pressure of everything in one blasphemous rush, Alluka hurried forward and laid a hand on his arm. "Onii-chan, maybe we should all go and sit in the living room?" The words were earnest, her eyes even more so. He focused on Alluka and found the proper motivation to pull his resolve back together.

Naeva followed the two of them slowly into the next room, but she only sat down after Alluka prodded her toward the couch. She fixed him with a wary gaze and was silent.

Killua sank himself down into a chair opposite the couch and made himself meet Naeva's stare – it was not an easy task. He tried very hard to remember the words he had planned in advance for this moment and it was like trying to sift smoke from fog. "Kurapika left on an important mission and he won't be back for a long time. Years, maybe." That sounded wrong, harsh even on his own ears, but at least he had finally said something.

A rapid succession of emotions flickered over Naeva; confusion, disbelief, alarm, rage, and more that he could not put a quick enough name to. Then her eyes emptied entirely and her expression became blank. So she was going to use that trick she called the Void to keep her emotions at bay. At least it might improve his chances of getting out of this without being set aflame.

"I think perhaps you should elaborate," Naeva said flatly.

Killua drew in a deep breath and did as she requested, sparing no detail and obscuring no level of the deception. They had plotted around her for months, so he told her how and why. Naeva did nothing but listen, perfectly poised. He concluded by pulling the sealed envelope from his pocket – upon which Kurapika's flowing script had written Naeva's name – and handing it over to her.

She opened the letter and read it without displaying the slightest reaction. Judging by the movement of her eyes, she read it over twice before folding it back up. Then Naeva locked that unnervingly vacant gaze back on him. "The only reason I am allowed to know now," she began, enunciating every word with crisp precision, "is because there is no option left for me but to accept this."

Killua frowned. "That was the general idea, yeah."

Alluka had a hand rubbing comforting circles on her best friend's back.

Naeva continued to regard him impassively. "Did Kurapika leave you any further instructions regarding me, or is your objective here complete?" Her voice was ice, clear and smooth and so very cold.

Killua nearly gulped. As he answered, he tried for a lighthearted tone. "Kurapika thought that you might want to stay with Alluka and me while he's gone – so that you wouldn't be alone." That brought the briefest flash of something from her – just a tiny twitch of irritation in her left eyebrow – but it was something. When she seemed unwilling to reply, he attempted to push a bit further. " _Would_ you like to stay with us?" Again, he kept his voice gentle. If that grated on her nerves, so be it.

"Are you offering me more than the mere semblance of a choice?" Naeva countered. "If I answer no, am I free to remain here alone? Am I free to go where I please? Would you track me down if I decide to set off on my own?" Her volume had risen as she went on, the rapid-fire questions laced with tightly held anger. Naeva paused, and in the space of one breath the evidence of that crack in her apathy was gone. "It is plain to me that I do not have much choice at all."

She'd obviously already figured it out, and so there was nothing to do but answer her honestly. Killua nodded once. "You're right. I gave Kurapika my word that I'd look after you, and I intend to keep it."

Naeva looked away. Her fist curled around the envelope from Kurapika and she stood from the couch to go to the window. As she looked out it began to rain, a light sprinkle that built to a torrential downpour within seconds. Killua slumped, wondering if she'd created the rain to suit her mood. Without looking around, she spoke again in that chill and hollow tone. "Perhaps I ought agree to stay with you. That would be easiest for everyone, I suppose."

Thunder rumbled, and the room was very dark with the abrupt loss of sunlight. At a silent urging from his sister, Killua stood up and approached Naeva. He got only just close enough to see that her control was slipping before she spun away. In her haste, she almost stumbled. There was a glisten of tears on her cheeks. She was going to flee the room, and he knew that he was supposed to stop her. The plan revolved around his ensuring that she didn't run off and find – or create – trouble for herself. He could have called out to her, asked her to wait; he should have moved to block her path. Instead, Killua watched her go. _If I were in her place, wouldn't I want to be alone for a while?_

Killua sat beside his sister on the couch and absorbed the frustration she vented at him. The hardest part was over and done with. Alluka worked herself into a frenzy that dissolved into tears and he held her while she cried her anger out and fell asleep. At some point, lulled by her steady breathing and the drumming of the rain, he drifted into an uneasy rest himself.

It was silence that awoke him. The rain had stopped. _Has it only_ _just stopped?_ Judging by the softened light outside, it was nearing sunset. Killua nudged his sister awake and she sat up with a yawn.

"Onii-chan, why'd you let me sleep?" Alluka muttered, scrubbing at her tired eyes with the back of her hand.

Killua was too distracted by an unwelcome tingle of intuition to reply. _Is something wrong?_ "We should go upstairs and check on Naeva. It's been hours, now... the storm has cleared." _If only I meant that figuratively instead of literally._

Alluka hurried out of the living room and up the stairs. She seemed enthused enough with the task of checking on her best friend. Killua followed, but lingered at the top of the staircase. His feet felt glued to the floor. Alluka knocked and called out, only trying the handle after there had been no response. "The door's locked."

Killua forced himself forward and – with little regard for the integrity of the door – aimed a swift strike from his right hand at the silver knob. It severed cleanly and fell to the hardwood floor with a clatter. The surrounding wood splintered.

Alluka pushed the door aside and rushed into the room while Killua was trying to comprehend the scene within. A light gust brushed against his face, cool and humid. The large bay window was open – no, it was absent. Spiky shards of glass and chipped fragments of the window frame littered nearly every surface. He blinked at the wreckage. _How did I not hear this? What the hell happened?  
_

Killua took a few careful steps into the room behind his sister. He was trying to make his frantic heartbeat settle down, and might've succeeded at that if it weren't for Alluka's abrupt gasp. Her head ducked quickly out of sight as she dropped to the carpet on the far side of the bed. Expression tight, he hurried around himself.

Naeva lay in a crumpled heap against the wall. Alluka, with a whimper, rolled her over onto her back. There was a trickle of blood across her face from a wide – albeit thankfully shallow looking – gash on her right temple. Alluka pulled her best friend's head into her lap, using one of her sleeves to dab some of the blood away.

At that light touch, Naeva's eyes fluttered open. She winced, then made a feeble attempt to sit up which Alluka stopped with a firm squeeze on her shoulder.

Killua fell to his knees beside the two of them. "No shit, Naeva. What the hell happened?" He attempted to smooth the frustration from his voice, but the effort was mostly futile. Naeva glanced at him but didn't answer, her face ashen save for that trail of red blood.

Alluka spared him a scolding glance before turning her attention back to Naeva. "Are you okay, Naeva-chan?"

She nodded and, with assistance this time, sat up. "I am okay." The way her voice shook belied the words. A cyclone of moving air swept the room and the debris from the shattered window was gathered and deposited into a pile in the corner.

Alluka braced Naeva with a supportive arm about her waist and helped her to her feet. There was a small spot of blood on the carpet from where she had been sprawled. Killua grimaced when he spotted more blood smeared across the corner edge of her closet door, which was dangling askew from only one of its hinges. If that was where she hit her head, it'd been with a good deal of force. The blood _was_ still wet, so she couldn't have been unconscious very long.

"What happened?" Killua asked again, forcing a degree of patience into his tone.

Naeva stared toward the remains of her window. "It was an accident. I lost control over the One Power." Her reply was a breathy whisper. "I was going to open the window, but... my weave recoiled."

Alluka made a small, empathetic noise and wrapped Naeva in a warm embrace. "I'm just glad you're okay. It's alright now." She was clearly as relieved as she was attempting to be reassuring.

Killua puzzled over that problematic explanation. It bothered him that he didn't understand the way Naeva's powers worked. More irritating still was the admission that it probably wasn't even possible to fully understand. She had warned long ago that channeling could be dangerous both to herself and to anyone around her, but in the years since he'd never witnessed anything to support that claim. He hadn't witnessed anything before today, anyway. _Could this have been a lot worse?_ That was a troubling thought, and he stowed it away for later consideration.

"Onii-chan?" Alluka's voice snapped his focus to her, and therefore back to the immediate moment. His sister had helped Naeva to the bed so that they could sit down. "Shouldn't we take her to the hospital?"

He nodded at the same time Naeva protested. "No! I am fine, Alluka-chan. This is only a bump on the head." She raised a hand and touched her fingertips experimentally to the tender spot above her brow.

Killua scoffed. "One that knocked you out cold. You probably have a concussion."

Naeva's posture stiffened. "I am _fine_. There is no need for a journey to the hospital. I absolutely shall not go."

He didn't bother restraining his glare at that. "Idiot. I swear, I-"

The pleading look Alluka shot him choked off the words in his throat. "Hey now, we can compromise. It's not going to do us any good arguing." She probably meant that he stood no chance at winning the argument. His sister swiveled a reproving frown in Naeva's direction. "If you really won't change your mind about the hospital, everyone will have to settle for me playing nurse."

Naeva relaxed at Alluka's words, and had the sense to look mildly chastised. "There is a kit with bandages in the bathroom downstairs." She offered a grateful smile. "Alluka-chan, I should be happy to have you as my nurse."

Alluka smiled back at her. "Good. I'll be right back, then." She hesitated on her way out – just long enough to skewer them each with a no-nonsense look. "Try not to start a fight with each other before I get back, okay?" She waited to see them both nod before setting off to find the first aid kit.

Killua dragged in a deep breath and attempted to quell his very rational anger. _Why does she always have to be so stubborn? It's just a hospital!_ His eyes dropped again to the drying stain of blood on the ivory carpet. _Her weave... recoiled. What does that mean?_

"I am sorry, Killua." Naeva's words were just about the last he would have expected to hear from her in the moment.

"For what?" Killua asked, arching a skeptical eyebrow.

Naeva shifted uncomfortably, and he realized that without his sister in the room she'd dropped her bravado. Her face was wan and her expression was doubtful, maybe even frightened. "You and Alluka should go. I will stay here, so that you can know where I am and keep your promise to Kurapika, but I ought be alone."

Killua felt a knot of remorse twist tightly around his stomach. Not trusting himself to speak without saying something stupid, he left her bedside to grab a washcloth from her bathroom and dampen it in warm water from the sink. When he returned to the bed she was leaning against the tall corner post, eyes still closed. _"_ What is it that you're so afraid of?"

"I am not certain that I can explain it to you properly."

That wrought a sharp glare from him. "Try."

"When I lost my hold on Saidar today..." Naeva hesitated there, and opened her eyes just to stare down at her lap. "It happened the first time over one month ago and again last week, although not with such dramatic results. I am afraid that something is wrong, and mayhap it is only going to get worse."

Killua balked. "This has already happened _twice_ before?"

Naeva nodded glumly. "Yes, but they were tiny events – I dismissed them. Last week I only created a small breeze by accident." She gathered some poise and lifted her gaze. "I have never experienced anything like this, and I have been channeling my entire life."

At that, his eyebrows drew down. "You mentioned once that you used to lose control when you were little."

Naeva shook her head. "That was different. Those instances were _me,_ lashing out with more Power than I knew what do do with _._ This was more as if the Power wrenched itself away. I cannot describe it any better." She sighed. "I am quite certain that I do not want anyone nearby if it happens again."

Killua put a light grip on her chin and ignored the way her eyes widened. With the warm cloth in his other hand he began to clean the blood from her face. It was a good excuse to not meet her gaze while he spoke. "The best solution you can come up with is to isolate yourself?" He went with sarcastic reproach. "Brilliant. If it happens again, nobody will be around to help. Then I have to tell Alluka that I let her best friend get hurt again – or _worse_ – because I didn't talk her out of her stupidity. Is that what you want?" He smoothed the cloth over her right cheekbone to wipe the last of the blood away. Then he tossed the cloth into her laundry hamper, shoved his hands into his pockets, and fixed her with what he hoped was a convincing look. For what felt like a long while she simply stared back at him, aghast. Then her eyes lit up angrily.

"That is exactly what I bloody want!" Naeva snapped. "Anyone around me will be at risk if this keeps happening! Do you think I want to see you or Alluka be hurt? _Burn_ you Killua, but I know you are not that moronic."

Killua chose to remain unperturbed. "I'm not, which is exactly why you should listen to me. You, who have the survival instinct of a lemming, should have brought this all up when it happened the first time. If you had, maybe we could've figured it out together by now and you wouldn't have decorated your room with your own blood."

Naeva didn't back down in the slightest. "A nice thought, perhaps, but what could you have done? What could you do if it happens again this very second? Even _I_ am not sure what is going on, and who in this world knows more about channeling than I do? You cannot point me toward an answer because there are no answers!"

"What did I say about fighting?" Alluka interrupted from the doorway. She split her glower between the two of them before returning to sit beside Naeva. The first aid kit in her lap opened with a click and she rummaged through it for what she needed. "This is going to sting a little." She issued the warning before she dabbed an alcohol swab over the cut to disinfect it. "Naeva-chan, you know that I worry about you just as much as you worry about me, right?"

Naeva winced, but whether it was from Alluka's words or the sting of the astringent he couldn't tell. "I do know that."

"I'm glad." Alluka unwrapped a butterfly bandage and stretched it across the shallow wound to hold it closed. "Then you also know that when you're in danger, I'm already involved. I know you'd do anything to keep me from being hurt. Aren't I allowed to do the same for you?"

Killua watched the pair and decided to stay silent. _When did you become so wise, Alluka?_

Naeva swallowed hard. "How much of that did you hear?"

"Not much, actually." Alluka smiled. "I just know you very well."

Naeva's measuring gaze flickered between them. Then she groaned and leaned her head back against the bedpost dramatically. "You win. You always bloody win." She directed a flat look at him. "So you can stop watching me like I am about to bolt any second."

Killua scrutinized her for any evidence she might be bluffing. He found none, but that didn't necessarily mean anything. "So you'll stay with us?"

Slowly, Naeva nodded. "I suppose that I will."

A single loud chime pierced the sobriety of the moment, visibly startling everyone. Alluka then laughed and hopped up off the bed. "Oh! That must be Gon!"

"Excuse me?" Killua aimed a questioning look at his sister and she only laughed again.

"I called him this morning while you were taking a shower and asked him to stop by. If you expect _me_ here to cool Naeva's temper, it's only fair that Gon is here to keep you in line," Alluka teased as she pulled her best friend to her feet. Then she dashed excitedly for the front door. Killua was behind her until the top of the stairs, where a light tug on his sleeve stopped him in his tracks.

When he turned around to glance at Naeva, he almost wished he hadn't. Her eyes swam with an emotion that cut him so much worse than her fury had – disappointment. "Did you not- did anyone-" She licked her lips, then started again without fumbling over her words. "I know that Kurapika made his own decision, but was there no one who tried to convince him otherwise?" She released her grip and her hand fell limply back to her side. "Did everyone have so little faith in me?"

Without really thinking about it, Killua reached out to flick her lightly on the forehead. She bristled, straight-backed and indignant. _There. That's better._ "That's not at all what it was about," he told her. "None of us wanted to keep it secret, but there wasn't much argument to be made for your sense of self-preservation. Believe me, because I tried. Everyone agreed that there would be no stopping you from joining the expedition if you knew."

Naeva frowned as she thought that over. "But I _should_ be with them!"

Killua willfully held back on a glower, but his aggravation was all too clear in his retort. "It's like you're trying to prove my point! Look, you wanna know why you were left behind? Kurapika doesn't want you spending every moment of the next few years in mortal peril. He has high hopes that you might actually live to adulthood!" His volume had risen far more sharply than he had intended. He exhaled a breath – the sound of it bitter – and went on more levelly. "If you think any of us disagreed with that, then you're crazy _and_ an idiot."

Naeva laughed like she was taunting him. He prided himself on his ability to read people and situations, but she was so annoyingly unpredictable. "You sound as if you truly believe that is justification!" She bit out the words – really, she practically growled. "Well, it is not _._ Leorio, Bisky, even Senritsu! They all chose to go, despite the danger. Why am I the only one not respected enough to make my own blasted decision?"

That was the argument to snap him. She was very good at pushing his buttons. Killua growled right back at her. "Maybe because you're the most stubborn, immature _-_ "

Naeva took a quick, furious step forward and cut him off. "I am immature? This, from the boy who sustains himself on candy and adrenaline highs?"

His jaw actually dropped. "My lifestyle choices are irrelevant! You're fourteen, what the hell do you even know? That's just like a little kid, to-"

"Killua! Naeva!" A shout from the bottom of the stairs silenced his tirade. Gon was shaking his head up at the both of them. The gesture was a combination of fond and weary. "You two are so much alike."

Alluka trooped up the stairs behind Gon, looking similarly exasperated.

Killua shoved his hands roughly into his pockets. "As if."

Gon served him a hard look. "What were _we_ doing at fourteen?"

"That's not a fair comparison!" Even as the response left him, Killua knew he was being spiteful. Even worse, he also knew he was wrong. Judging by the expression on Gon's face, he was expecting to hear him admit to it. "Fine, whatever, maybe it is. But just because we ran head first into dangers we couldn't handle doesn't mean I have to sit on my hands and watch her do the same."

Naeva let her glare linger on him a moment before looking away. "Arguing now is pointless." She crossed her arms across her chest. "I ought not have lost my temper."

Alluka put a hand on her best friend's shoulder. She then shot him a pointed look and mouthed, 'Onii-chan! Apologize!'

Killua scowled. _But that's ridiculous! I didn't do anything wrong!_ Unfortunately, following on the heels of those thoughts was a rush of guilt to contradict them. _Why am I trying so hard to push away the blame? I did my share of the plotting._ He cleared his head of those addled thoughts and clawed for some composure. "I'm sorry." The words, simple though they were, had a cathartic effect on him. He felt muscles he hadn't realized were tense slowly relax. "I'm sorry that you were left behind and that I helped to cover it all up. I don't regret it, because it was the right decision, but I'm sorry that it hurt you." He hadn't meant to keep going, and the apology had fallen from him with such free sincerity that it was followed by a wave of embarrassment. _I hate saying crap like that.  
_

Naeva's posture wilted and for a flickering instant she looked about to cry. Only a heartbeat later she was smiling, a crimson flush high on her cheekbones. "Let us forget about it all for the time being. As I am _so_ immature _-_ " Her voice was playful, challenging. "-mayhap I shall try acting like a more typical teenager tonight." She grinned, such a perfect image of trouble that Killua immediately shook his head in disapproval. That only made her giggle.

_Now she's acting like nothing is wrong at all. Has she lost her mind?_ Killua honestly wasn't sure if he was more worried or impressed by her sudden shift in attitude.

"What do you want to do?" Alluka asked curiously.

Naeva looked both uncertain and excited, a dangerous combination. "I want to have fun, perhaps misbehave a little." She darted a hopeful glance between the three of them. "Why not?" Without waiting for a response, she hopped up onto the banister and slid to the bottom of the staircase. He heard the radio in the living room click alive and fill the house with music. Naeva nodded to herself and the electric lights blinked off, just as quickly replaced with twinkling colored light of her own creation that scattered across the walls and ceiling. "It can be like a party." She pushed herself off the banister and pranced through the doorway into the living room.

Killua shared a hesitant look with Gon. He grabbed his sister's hand and the three of them rushed down the stairs after her. Naeva was searching through a low cabinet, and when she stood up with a cry of triumph there was an ornate bottle of gin in her hand. "Marvelous!" Naeva unscrewed the top and took a cautious sniff. She had no more than flinched away from the bottle when Killua realized he'd unconsciously crossed the room and taken it from her hand.

"You've _got_ to be kidding me." Killua glared down at her, but she continued to baffle him by responding with a pleading look that was maliciously cute.

"But, _Killua~_ " Her voice was sugary sweet, and the way she emphasized every syllable of his name made heat rise to his cheeks. Naeva fluttered her long eyelashes and took a small, innocuous step forward. They were only inches apart now. Her big eyes were just blinking up at him, open and unassuming.

His own thoughts seemed to slow. _What am I doing?_ Had he moved forward, too? It should've bothered him that he wasn't sure, but he was no longer mindful of much other than how unusually near she was _._ It was the sound of Gon's laughter that brought him back to his senses and Killua staggered backward a few steps.

His best friend was leaning against the wall, shoulders shaking with the effort of stifling his laughing fit. Alluka, beside him, put a hand over her mouth to cover her own grin. He had been played – poked in the ego by a little girl.

_Where did she even learn how to do that?_ Killua turned a scathing glare on Naeva. " _You!"_ He spluttered the single word – an accusation in and of itself, he felt – with vehemence.

Naeva blushed a more vibrant shade of scarlet and simpered. Nobody had the right to look adorable whilst gloating, but it seemed she had many unfair advantages over him. "I only want us to have some harmless fun." Her voice was a chiming parody of itself and that wide-eyed innocence was flawlessly back in place. The color on her cheeks only enhanced the effect, to his horror. "Will you not say yes, Killua? Please?"

When she tried to move closer again and his frantic look didn't stop her, he put a stiff armed grip on her shoulder and held her at arms length. That was enough to tip Gon and Alluka over the edge and into uproarious laughter. The two of them leaned on one another for support as they struggled to breathe in between fits of cackling.

Killua diverted his glare to encompass them. "Don't encourage this kind of behavior!" he snapped, and unfortunately it seemed they found that entertaining as well.

Naeva took advantage of his momentary distraction to pull four short glasses from the cabinet and line them up in a row. She had the bottle of gin, too. When had he let that go? The music on the radio transitioned to a slick psychedelic rock song and heavy bass filled the air. Dazzling colored light spun throughout the room in perfect time with the tempo.

Gon, who'd finally gotten breath back into his lungs and managed to keep it there, approached and offered him an unabashed grin. "You can't win 'em all, Killua." He clapped his hands together. "Round one goes to Naeva."

"This is not a contest," Killua grumbled.

Alluka sidled up beside him. She laid her hand lightly on his arm and beamed a smile. "You did remind her to act her age." Anticipation danced in her bold blue eyes. "So let's have fun tonight, Onii-chan." That was problematic. He really had a difficult time denying his sister anything when she looked so excited about it.

Gon draped an arm across Naeva's shoulders as if they were conspirators. "Yeah, Killua, at least be a _cool_ babysitter."

Killua lashed out with a punch. Gon dodged with an easy hop backward. "I'm way cooler than you are." During the brief exchange Naeva had somehow managed to pour four neat, half-filled glasses of gin. Killua seized one and downed it smoothly, shivering only a little as the burn of it simmered in his stomach.

Naeva whirled to him with a radiant smile. "Do you mean you are going to let me have a party?" She replaced the empty glass in his hand with a filled one. Her near professional level of efficiency at the action wrought a smile from him.

"Mostly because it's not worth the headache of trying to stop you," Killua muttered. "And because there are worse ways to blow off steam than by having some fun." Gon and Alluka cheered in unison at that and he narrowed his eyes. "You're all acting like I'm _anti-_ fun."

Gon shook his head. "Nah, you just don't loosen up very often now that you're trying to be so mature all the time. That makes this an occasion."

Naeva made sure everyone had a glass before raising her own with a grand flourish. "To the wheel of time," she said cheerfully, "and to the way we were all woven together."

The four glasses clinked as they knocked them together. Killua was diverted from puzzling over Naeva's strange toast when her first taste made her cough. He smirked and clapped her on the back until the hacking stopped. "Unpleasant, isn't it?"

Naeva nodded, but took another stubborn – and more cautious – sip. The second time, she only grimaced. "It is nothing at all like wine. Kurapika enjoys gin, so I always imagined it would taste better." She stared down into her glass with an expression that was almost suspicious. "And it makes my skin feel very warm. That is a normal reaction, yes?"

Gon laughed. "Alcohol is good for warmth." He drank down the rest of his glass and then spun around to strike a pose. "Even better for dancing." He winked and extended an open hand toward Alluka. "Wanna dance?"

His sister finished her own glass in a single go – like any Zoldyck, alcohol had little effect on her trained liver – and placed her hand into his with a smile. Alluka laughed, lighthearted and pure, as Gon twirled her about in circles to the music.

Killua dared a sidelong look at Naeva, who was leaning back against the cabinet and smiling at the dancing pair. After a deep breath, she drained the remainder of her first glass. As she set it down empty behind her, her eyes caught his.

"What are you thinking about?" The question left his lips before he had given it conscious thought, inquisitiveness getting the better of him.

Naeva's smile twitched, mysterious. "I was thinking very old thoughts." She took the empty glass from him and filled both his and her own once more. "Reminding myself of how fortunate I am to be here."

Killua shook his head as he accepted the glass from her. "So you're a closet optimist, huh? All this time I thought you were so pragmatic."

"I can be both." Naeva grinned at him.

"I knew it. You confuse me on purpose."

"Perhaps I do." Naeva took a sip of gin – almost easily, now – before continuing, "You rather bring it on yourself by making it such a delight."

Killua's eyebrows rose. "That's almost a compliment." He drained his third glass with gusto. When Naeva seemed to accept that as a challenge to drink more herself, he reached out a hand to stop her from pouring immediate refills. "Give yourself a minute. It'll hit you," he advised her. To his surprise, she heeded his warning and set her emptied glass aside again without protest.

The windows of the room opened all at once, allowing in a light breeze that carried with it the fresh, damp smell of the recent rainfall. Naeva smiled as that gentle wind lifted wisps of her hair. "I am fifteen, by the way – not _fourteen._ " Her voice was light, amused. He wondered if she was beginning to feel the effects of the alcohol and hoped he hadn't allowed her to drink too much already. He wasn't very good at judging how much was too much for a normal person. "My nameday always passed in late winter." She struggled for a few moments to focus on him as if she was pulling herself from memories. They were sad memories, if the brief droop of her eyebrows was any indication.

"Happy late birthday, Naeva," Killua said, and the brightness returned to her expression. There was something more there, too, some emotion that he could not define. The curiosity of it nearly drew him to move closer, as though proximity could make the many secrets in her soul more visible to him.

The song on the radio faded out and Gon and Alluka dropped exaggerated bows to one another. Naeva clapped her hands. The next song filled the air with the high riff of an electric guitar and an infectious drum beat.

"Naeva-chan, dance with me!" Alluka grinned, tugging her best friend out to the empty space in the center of the room. Naeva giggled as she swirled about and attempted to match his sister's enthusiasm.

Gon poured a glass of gin and passed it to him before filling another for himself. He was tapping one foot to the music. "Are we supposed to dance together, too, you think?"

Killua took a long drink from his glass and watched the girls. He chose to respond with flat sarcasm. "Aren't I supposed to give you a hard time for trying to seduce my sister?"

Gon choked mid-swallow and coughed hard, face red.

Killua chuckled. "Serves you right."

Gon regained his oxygen and immediately drained his glass of gin. He then pulled a disgusted face. "Ugh, I never want to hear you use the word seduce again. That was gross."

Killua rolled his eyes and Gon laughed.

When his best friend spoke again, it was in a more somber tone. "Naeva looks like she's okay. How bad was it earlier?"

Killua considered that. "Actually, I was expecting her to have a worse reaction than she did. I hardly think she's forgiven Kurapika – or any of us, for that matter – but she does look okay." The bandage on her forehead caught his eye. He lowered his voice and amended, "Mostly okay."

"Naeva's resilient," Gon said with a shrug. "With whatever she's already been through, this isn't the kind of thing that can keep her down for long."

"I know." Killua tapped his fingertips on the cabinet. He dropped his voice further, to the barest whisper. "Isn't that a little bit sad?"

"It _is_ sad," Gon agreed. "But the last thing she'd want from us is pity, right? I think if she feels happy right now, we should support her and consider ourselves lucky."

"I would never have predicted today ending with a party, but I don't know if lucky is the word I'd use to describe it."

The lively song played to a crescendo and as it ended a slow, piano driven ballad took its place. Killua grunted when Gon aimed a swift elbow at his ribs. His best friend winked at him. "You should ask Naeva to dance. Maybe you'll feel more lucky, then." Gon punctuated the taunt with a shameless grin.

Killua scoffed. _I don't dance. I'm definitely not going to dance with a kid like her!_ It was a startlingly frantic thought. When Alluka and Naeva wandered back toward them and Gon looked on the brink of saying something, Killua hurriedly spoke up first. "Let's start a fire."

The other three looked as surprised by his sudden suggestion as he felt.

Naeva opened her mouth a few times as if deliberating on what to say. Finally she laughed, covering her mouth with a quick hand to muffle the exuberance of it. "I may not be best pleased with Kurapika right now, but burning his house down is a trifle excessive."

Killua felt his cheeks flush, so he made a great show of scowling at her. "A bonfire. _Outside._ It's something stupid teenagers do on summer nights."

Alluka clapped her hands together and bounced on the balls of her feet. "Oh, yes! That's a great idea, Onii-chan!"

Gon shot him a knowing sidelong glance, but his tone was easygoing as he agreed. "Alrighty then."

Naeva's reaction was perhaps the most energetic he had ever seen from her. She flung her arms out to the sides and the music in the room cut off at the very instant the flashing lights did. "Ah, this will be perfect!" The patio doors were thrown open by no force he could see and – pausing only long enough to grab up the bottle of alcohol – Naeva practically sprinted outside into the darkening evening.

Alluka and Gon hurried after her with cries of encouragement. Though he felt he might've miscalculated something important, Killua was left with little choice but to follow them all out.

Once he had stepped onto the patio, the doors swung shut with a bang behind him. A sweeping wind – eerily like the one Naeva had used to gather the shattered glass in her room – brushed over him and mussed his hair. Gon was standing just in front of him and leaning against the porch railing. Alluka had already bounded down the stairs and into the yard to chase after her best friend.

Naeva herself was at the heart of the maelstrom of unnatural wind. Debris from the yard and the surrounding woods was gathered into a pile before her. When the heap of flammable materials was nearly as tall as she was, the wind was done. Naeva took his sister's hand in her own and flashed an impish smile over her shoulder at he and Gon. The very next instant the pile before her was consumed by roaring flame. Killua frowned as recollection flashed of the pillar of fire he'd seen her conjure so long ago in the Yverris Plains. Beside his memory of that one, this was a candle flame.

Gon cheered and vaulted over the railing to join them beside the crackling bonfire. Killua took the stairs, trailing behind at an unhurried pace. As he approached, the fire began subtly shifting color until it was a flickering rainbow pyre. Sparks of twinkling light showered from atop the flames like from a roman candle. Gon whistled appreciation, and they all sat down in the soft grass to watch the display.

"I used to help with the bonfires on Winternight," Naeva reminisced aloud, then appeared quite surprised at having done so. In a heartbeat she was back to happily watching the fire, however. She unscrewed the cap from the bottle in her hand and lifted it for a small sip.

While she shuddered at the taste, Killua stole the gin from her hand and took a longer drink from it himself. _She'll get herself wasted if I don't remember to watch her._

Gon looked between the two of them, not bothering to hold back a widely entertained smile. "We should all play a game."

Alluka nodded vigorous agreement. "Truth or dare, maybe?"

Naeva's smile took on a tinge of chagrin. "I do not know how to play that game."

Killua shook his head. _Three long years and she's still a fish out of water._ "It's simple." He took another pull from the bottle and when Gon held his hand out he passed it over, then gave the explanation. "We each take turns asking someone else – truth, or dare. Answering dare means the questioner gets to issue a challenge that you _can't_ refuse. Answering truth means you agree to answer any single question honestly."

Naeva looked perplexed, but she nodded anyway. "Who gets to begin?"

Gon proposed rock-paper-scissors to decide the order, which of course he won. "Killua – truth or dare!" The words were too emphatic to really be a question.

"Dare." Killua smirked. "Make it a good one."

Gon's eyes lit up. "I dare you to dance with Naeva."

Alluka laughed, while he was sure his own expression was stricken. Killua complained, albeit weakly, "There's no music anymore."

Gon set the bottle aside and leaped up, just as quickly back with the boombox from Naeva's bedroom. He grinned cheekily as he turned it on, fiddling with the dial until he found the type of music he wanted.

Killua glowered at his best friend. The song Gon settled on had a slow and sultry hip-hop beat. He was fairly sure there was no way to compound his mortification any further, but he hopped up with haste just in case Gon decided to try. Doing his best to look confident, Killua held out his hand to pull Naeva to her feet. She had her lips pursed as if struggling with every ounce of her willpower to not laugh at him. _She'd better be._ Alluka and Gon didn't bother making any such effort, falling in on themselves in a heap of giggles. Killua tuned them out.

Naeva spared the radio a hesitant look – maybe she felt as awkward about the song choice as he did – before settling her hands on his shoulders. Still, her eyes glittered with mirth. "You must truly loathe dancing," she teased.

_Yes. No. Not precisely._ Killua ignored his own embarrassment and put his hands on Naeva's waist just above her hips without giving it conscious thought. If he had, there would've been no stopping himself from blushing. The attempt was in vain. She blinked down at where he'd put his hands with plain surprise, and when her cheeks went red he felt his skin heat from his neck to his hairline. "I don't _loathe_ dancing," he grumbled, then looked to Gon. "Just until the end of this damn song, right?"

"You'd better-" Gon struggled to force words out between spirited bouts of laughter. "-get started, then!"

Alluka, at least, had stopped her giggling. Still, she wore a broad grin on her face.

Killua kept Naeva at a safe, semi-awkward distance and began stepping much too clumsily to the beat. She followed his lead with an easy grace that hopefully served to make him look less terrible. He really wasn't such a bad dancer, but it was difficult to remember that right now. Naeva glanced up at him with a sly little smile that almost had him tripping them both up, but he thought he made a good recovery. Killua forced his mind to quiet and decided to rely fully on his reflexes instead. Once he refused to think about the situation he was in, the movements became quite natural. That strategy served him through to the end of the song, when he stepped away with immense relief and sank back down onto the grass. He felt wearied by what couldn't have been more than two minutes.

Naeva laughed, bright and chiming. When she sat down on the grass again, she aimed a conniving smile at Gon. "So, I gather the goal of this game is to provoke such poignant humiliation?"

That set Gon off again. He answered her once he had gotten a hold of himself. "You don't have to, but Killua's such an easy target I couldn't resist."

Alluka gave him a smile that she probably meant to be encouraging. "It's always cute when you turn pink like that, Onii-chan."

"Enough already." _Only Alluka gets a pass. I'll get the other two back for this!_ Killua judged he did well enough at regaining his cool, though it took a few moments. "It's my turn, now." _And I can't get Gon yet, since he asked me..._ "Naeva-" He fixed her with a razor honed look. "-truth, or dare?"

Naeva met his retributive fury with a coy smile. "Given your mood, I ought be wise with my choice. Truth it is, then."

_Wise, indeed._ Killua scowled and wracked his brain. Unfortunately, the notion that he had a free question and the guarantee of an answer was too good to pass up. He didn't want to scare her off the game. _Now's my chance to actually find some things out about her world._ To buy himself a little time to figure out what he wanted to ask, he retrieved the gin and knocked it back for a drink. "How did you usually celebrate your birthday – or nameday, whatever – back in your old world?" That was phrased vaguely enough that he was hopeful he'd get an answer with some real information to digest.

Naeva blushed. "It was something of an ordeal, really. My parents would be there, which was nice, but I was obligated to spend my time with our guests anyhow. We would host a banquet, and-" Her lips pursed as if she was trying to find the right words to explain. "-well, a local tourney. I was not allowed to participate, but I did get to select the games. The winner earned themselves the right to name their prize, within reason, and then I myself would present it to them."

_Fantastic. Even stranger than I'd have guessed._ "What kind of games and prizes are we talking about?" Killua asked. The bit about her parents being there was more intriguing – why wouldn't they be? – but it also wasn't a safe subject to prod at.

"Are you allowed more than one question?"

Killua smiled crookedly. "Not really, but you didn't elaborate very well."

She shook her head as if debating with herself, but went on to explain. "I liked to choose a combination of combat sports. Swordplay, archery, knife throwing, anything engaging to sit through. Once, I tried out juggling, but generally Borderlanders are not half so good at entertainment as they are battle. As for prizes, of those that I remember... I gifted a Power-wrought sword, a pouch of gold marks, and twice-" Her expression became a little sulky and she finished in a mumble. "-a kiss on the cheek."

"That's super weird," Gon commented with a grin.

Naeva seemed to forget her own sullenness and all at once she was laughing. "I know." She reached for the bottle and Killua kept it out of her reach while pretending not to see the action, gulping some more down himself. At least if he drank the majority nobody would be able to get drunk. Her hand fell back to her lap and her lips twisted wryly. "I believe it is my turn." She settled her gaze on his sister. "Truth or dare, Alluka-chan?"

Alluka matched her bright expression. "Dare!"

Naeva clambered to her feet with a gleam in her eyes that portended trouble. She opened a Gateway with a silver flash and darted through – the view was of her room – then returned with two wooden swords clutched to her chest. "I dare you to show off what I have been teaching you. I want you to land a blow." Naeva tossed one of the blunt weapons at his sister and she caught it, blushing fiercely.

Killua shot a swift, disapproving glare at Naeva. "You've been teaching my sister to use a sword?" _And just when did she find the time to do that? Whenever I turn my back?_

"Only because I asked her to! It's just been for fun, Onii-chan." Alluka defended her best friend before she could say anything for herself. She stood up from her spot in the grass and put a quite competent grip around the hilt of the practice sword. Alluka bit on her lower lip then, and the pink in her cheeks was not abating in the slightest. "Naeva-chan, this is going to be super embarrassing. I never get through your defenses."

Naeva winked. "Tonight, _mi aadamela,_ is the perfect opportunity to claim your first victory." She rested the dull point on the ground and put her other hand on her hip. "Now, Kingfisher Circles the Pond."

Alluka reacted to the odd phrase in a trained fashion. She settled into a ready posture, raising her hands above her shoulder and turning to the side. Her left foot and the tip of the sword pointed a straight line toward her best friend.

"That's cool!" Gon put in his opinion with enthusiasm. "I should've thought to ask Naeva if she'd teach me a few things, too."

"Like you're not scary enough without a sword," Killua said dryly.

Alluka spared them an abashed smile, but then Naeva lifted her own sword in one hand and she snapped immediately to stiff-backed concentration.

The stance Naeva herself assumed was deceptively nonchalant. That, or she was just drunk and overconfident – it was impossible to know. She also turned to the side, but her left hand was held behind her back and there was a definite swagger to the ambling steps she took toward Alluka. "Come at me whenever you are ready."

A flash lit his sister's eyes a split second before she sprung into action, surprisingly adroit in her footwork. She darted about in a quick circle while her best friend remained still. Then she lunged forward with the point of the sword aimed to strike ribs.

Naeva twirled and the blow hit only empty air where she had been, but Alluka was already adjusting her grip and then the sword was swinging in a high arc. The switch was quick, the first attempt must have been a feint.

Naeva raised her sword to defend. She used only one hand still. Her block deflected the swing from striking her but the force of it had her retreating a step. As her arm was still reeling from the impact Alluka jabbed forward again, going for the abdomen. Yet it seemed that moment of weakness was also meant to be a trick – Naeva's sword spun with a neat flick of her wrist and hit the other with a loud crack to knock it aside _just_ enough. She had the perfect opportunity to attack then, but she didn't. Instead she hopped backward, increasing the distance between them while Alluka restored her footing.

"You are too nervous," Naeva chided her. "Forget that anyone is watching. Leopard in High Grass."

Alluka nodded once. She drew in a series of steady breaths before resettling herself into a lower posture. The sword she lifted and held parallel to the ground just beneath her eyes, hands tight around the hilt.

For the first time, Naeva went on the offensive. She feigned a downward arc and as Alluka moved to block she pulled back and stabbed forward. Instead of shifting to defend against the real blow, Alluka kept her sword on the rise and darted nimbly one pace to the side. Then she was swinging downward to hit Naeva's wrist.

With a small smile, Naeva finally put her other hand on the sword and twisted her feet so that the wooden blades met with another crash. It was then that her balance wavered – only the tiniest slip, but his sister took advantage. Even as Naeva was moving a step backward to correct the stumble, Alluka's sword whirled. Naeva had not even gotten her heel planted back on the ground when she was forced to either block or take a blow to her shoulder. She lashed out to defend, using only her left hand while her right arm was busied in an attempt at regaining her equilibrium. The swords hit each other once more and the impact pushed Naeva back another step.

Alluka bent her knees to crouch and swept a foot out to hook around Naeva's ankle. Already wobbly, she tumbled. His sister swung for the last time and the sword slowed an inch short of her best friend's neck, making contact with the lightest tap right as her backside hit the ground.

"You did it!" Naeva cheered, dropping her sword and clapping her hands together with pride.

When Gon started clapping, too, Killua joined in despite himself.

Alluka helped Naeva back to her feet with a bashful smile. "You're kinda drunk though, Naeva-chan. I don't think I could have knocked you off your feet if you weren't."

Naeva only giggled harder, bending double. As she stood upright again, she shrugged. "Perhaps, but you ought not discount your own triumph so easily." They shared a high-five. Without a doubt, Naeva's balance was questionable as she retook her place on the grass. In fact, she sat much closer to him than she had been before. When he blinked at her in surprise over that, her hand darted behind his back for the bottle.

Killua snorted. "You wish you were fast enough for that." Her grip closed around nothing and he hefted the gin in his hand with a smirk. While he was too busy boasting, Gon lunged much more quickly than she had and snatched the bottle for himself. Killua frowned and Naeva laughed at him, positively delighted that he'd been duped. Thankfully, his best friend had the sense to not pass the liquor over to her – he'd felt suspicious that might've been some sort of double play – and instead drained it.

"My turn." Alluka tossed her wooden sword aside and surveyed the three of them, tilting her head in consideration. "Gon-kun!" She pointed a swift finger at him and he coughed on the last swallow of gin, turning tomato red. "Truth, or dare?"

When he stopped choking, Gon set the emptied bottle aside and leaned back on his palms. He looked anxious. "I think... truth."

Alluka tapped a finger over her lips thoughtfully. "Do you have a girlfriend, Gon-kun?"

_What does-_ No, it was only an innocent inquiry. Killua didn't dwell on it.

Gon fidgeted. "I- I don't... there isn't really anyone my age on Whale Island."

Killua snickered. "When has that ever stopped you? I thought you _preferred_ older w-" His words were cut off when Gon pounced at him to throw a hand across his mouth.

"Says the guy who's never had a girlfriend ever!" Gon hissed, flushing an even more vivid shade. They struggled in a mini-brawl for dominance.

"You boys are awfully touchy." They both turned to glare as one at Naeva's haughty quip.

When Alluka started giggling and sat down beside her quarrelsome best friend, Gon finally let his hand fall away. He scratched at the back of his head and grumbled, "I'm not touchy – _Killua's_ touchy, but I'm not." When Killua opened his mouth to refute that, Gon went hastily on. "Naeva! Truth or dare, Naeva?"

She licked her lips, appearing torn on which was the safest course. "Truth."

"Scaredy-cat," Gon teased. "I had a really great dare ready, too. Hmm... why'd you decide to learn how to fight with a sword? I mean, just since your own powers seem to make that pretty unnecessary."

"There are two reasons." Naeva smiled. "Firstly, there are numerous ways a channeler can be cut off from their power – it is prudent to have an alternative method of defending oneself in such a case. The second and more important reason was that it gave me an excuse to spend extra time with my father."

Gon nodded with satisfaction at the answer. Killua watched Naeva warily for any flicker of grief – inebriated as she was, it might turn into uncontrollable sobbing – but none came. She really looked nothing but cheerful. _Maybe the sword training is a pleasant enough memory to override everything else._

Perhaps sensing how intently he was focusing on her, Naeva turned to face him. She leaned in much too close and riled his suspicions with a slow, simpering smile. " _Killua~_ " Her lilting enunciation of his name made his skin heat again. That was probably intentional – she could be terribly devious sometimes. "Truth, or dare?"

He was silent too long, only staring at her. _She's got something tricky in mind. Jeez, I can smell the liquor on her breath. She smells flowery, too... Why'd she have to get so close?_ Her pretty eyes were more gray than blue in the darkness, so pale that they almost glowed as they caught the flickering firelight. He'd only just remembered he was supposed to give some sort of answer when she pouted out her lower lip and poked him – finding a neat wedge between two ribs to jab her slim finger into.

Killua rubbed at his side and summoned a glare that he hoped was more imposing than petulant. It probably wasn't, if the goofy grin on Alluka's face was any indication. _So what do I answer? Truth could be troublesome, but dare is just too risky._ "Dare." He almost winced as the answer left him involuntarily. That was a bad habit that only seemed to trouble him when Naeva was around. She was so difficult for him to predict that he often let his words get ahead of his thoughts in an effort to keep up with her.

Naeva nodded happily and leaned back, effectively allowing him to clear his mind again. He had to resist the urge to scoot even further away – she might've laughed at him. "I dare you to sing me a song." When his expression fell flat, she let her lips tremble and fluttered her lashes. "You have heard me play music countless times. I should like _very_ much to be serenaded." Her voice was so sweet he felt it qualified as an act of cruelty.

_Why didn't I say truth?_ Killua opened his mouth and sang the first thing that came to mind. Fittingly enough, it was 'Happy Birthday'. He was cautious to keep his volume steady and didn't rush the words just in case she had the nerve to call shenanigans and force him to do it all over again. When he finished the short song – probably even his ears were pink – she actually applauded. As if to amplify his humiliation, the other two echoed her.

"That was nice." Naeva whispered the compliment.

The awkwardness that flooded him promptly fled his mind when Naeva's eyelids drooped. She slumped toward Alluka, who caught her neatly by the arm to offer support. "Naeva-chan, are you okay?"

"I am only drowsy... perhaps it is the alcohol." Naeva dropped her brow to Alluka's shoulder and received an affectionate pat on the head. The unnatural elements of the fire died out with a suddenness, leaving only low orange flame and glowing embers. "That is better."

Killua heaved a sigh. "I told you that it'd hit you all at once." She sniffed – such indignation in that little sound. He stepped forward to unburden his sister of her limp weight. As he hefted Naeva in his arms and stood up, she narrowed her tired eyes at him.

"Set me _down_." Even exhausted, Naeva managed to sound commanding.

He decided it was simplest to ignore her, and addressed Gon instead. "Will you take care of the fire while I put her in bed?"

His best friend nodded and Killua turned to go inside. He was about to open the patio door when he noticed his sister wasn't following as he'd expected her to. She was, instead, helping Gon extinguish the coals of the fire. They were already babbling joyfully together in a conversation of their own. Killua stared in mute incredulity for a second and then opened his mouth to call out for Alluka. A finger was pressed to his lips before he could say anything and he almost jumped.

Naeva lowered her hand, pressing her finger to her own lips in a gesture for silence. "Shh. Leave 'em alone."

Killua spared one last lingering look for the dwindling bonfire and the jovial pair beside it before shaking his head and continuing on into the house. Naeva nodded approval and lost a bit more strength for the motion. She leaned against his chest and closed her eyes. With the top of her head just underneath his chin the scent of her hair was prominent. It was... actually kind of pleasant. Definitely better than the smell of the gin on her breath.

As he carried her up the stairs and into her bedroom, his thoughts shifted to analyzing the strangeness of the day. Everything that had happened after Naeva's initial anger – which at least he'd expected – was a struggle for him to understand. He wasn't comfortable with things that he couldn't link to a rhyme and reason. _What's happening with her power? Should I be more worried?_ Killua pulled aside the blanket on the bed to set her down and then tugged it back over her.

Naeva opened her eyes just as he was about to turn away and he _did_ jump, which made her giggle.

_I thought she'd passed out already._ Killua shoved his hands into his pockets and smoothed that moment of shock from his expression. "Spooky little brat."

Naeva giggled harder at that, covering her face with the blanket until she could stop herself. "Your face w-was so funny!"

"Go to sleep now," Killua ordered gruffly, and to his surprise she nodded.

"I shall. Killua-" Her words were interrupted by a yawn and she belatedly covered her mouth with the back of one hand. The intent look she fixed him with was a gentle one. "-you really are very nice."

Whatever Killua might've been expecting her to say, that was certainly not it. Before he could muster a response – or do anything more than gulp – her eyelids had fallen shut and he was fairly certain this time that she wasn't going to open them again. "Goodnight, Naeva," he whispered.

Killua left her room and closed the door behind him, then leaned his back against it for a moment. _So I'm nice, huh? Well, what does she know._


	3. Words Long Overdue

Naeva woke up and immediately wished she had not. Her mouth was unbearably dry. Opening her eyelids hurt. It seemed that even _thinking_ hurt. She pushed herself up on her elbows to observe that she was in her own bedroom, Alluka soundly asleep in the bed beside her. To her embarrassment, she was still wearing yesterday's clothes. If the painfully white light pouring through the former window could be relied upon, it was very early morning. Moving with limbs that were achy and sluggish, she pushed herself out of bed. Though she had tried to be soundless about it, Alluka blinked her own eyes open just as Naeva's feet hit the floor. Her best friend sat up and stretched.

"Good morning, Naeva-chan!" Alluka greeted her enthusiastically. Her midnight black hair was in wild disarray – she had the habit of tossing and turning in her sleep.

"G'morning." Her own voice was a painful rasp that reminded her of how thirsty she was. As Naeva turned toward the bathroom to get a glass of water, her feet seemed to start off quicker than the rest of her was able to keep pace with. For an instant the room around her wavered – or perhaps she did, because in the next instant Alluka was at her side with a supportive arm around her shoulders.

"Do you feel sick?" Alluka asked, managing to look both concerned and amused at the same time.

Naeva shook her head and regretted that decision when the room spun. "I am thirsty," she admitted, and let her friend help her to the sink. There, she filled and downed a quick glass of water and then let the tap run until it was as cold as it could be before refilling the glass. "Thank you, Alluka-chan." She offered a grateful smile.

"How bad is it? People say that hangovers are terrible. I'm pretty sure you drank too much." Her cheerful honesty was, as always, endearing.

Naeva laughed lightly. All things considered, she felt better now that her throat did not ache and her tongue was less like sandpaper. "It is not so bad. I feel lightheaded, but that shall pass." She had a few treasured memories of rare occasions upon which her mother had overindulged in wine. Each had led to a quite raucous night followed by an extremely quiet morning while her mother nursed a headache. She would always refuse Healing, saying that she had acted a fool and could suffer the consequences like any other. Nynaeve held little regard and less tolerance for foolish behavior – least of all from herself.

Thoughts of her mother lent Naeva to staring at her own reflection. At fifteen years – unless more of her life had been lost to empty, timeless memory lapse than she thought – she was still short and skinny. That was a particularly miserable comparison standing next to Alluka, who had matured considerably ahead of her. _I am going to look like a child forever_. _Is it too much to hope for just a few more inches of height? Perhaps I might grow out of an a-cup bra one day?_ She flushed in humiliation at the direction of her own thoughts. _Oh, burn me for being a ninny._

Naeva tore her gaze away from the mirror and the two of them prepared for the day. Cleaned up, with her hair combed and pulled back into a twisted coif, she felt grounded again. After a glance out the hole in the wall to confirm the cloudless sky and warm sunshine had not gone anywhere, she selected a sleeveless blouse from her closet. A familiar, well-worn pair of dark denim jeans followed, and around her neck she fastened a blue scarf. There were a great many things to admire about this world. One in particular that she found herself continually grateful for was that she could now wear whatever she bloody well pleased in public. The only time she had been allowed to wear anything other than a stiff dress in her old world was for sword practice.

Her bedroom door now lacked a knob and could not latch, so the polite knock upon the wood moved it inward a bit. Naeva exchanged an amused look with Alluka before calling out, "You may come in."

After a polite delay, the door opened the rest of the way. Gon sauntered in with a grin and two steaming ceramic mugs. The decadent aroma of coffee entered with him and her mouth watered voraciously in response.

"Good morning!" Gon greeted them, then passed each of the mugs to Alluka and herself.

"Good morning, Gon, and thank you." Naeva took an appreciative sip of the hot beverage. It was near the limit of acceptable sweetness. _I would wager Killua made this._ The thought was affirmed a moment later when Killua walked in with two more cups and passed one over to his best friend.

"How are you feeling?" Killua inquired with a knowing smirk that he quickly concealed by taking a drink from his mug.

"Splendid, thank you for asking," Naeva answered briskly. His eyebrow arched, a quick twitch of skepticism which she deliberately ignored.

Alluka spoke up then, her words a sudden rush as though she had been struggling to hold them in. "Everyone, there's something I want to say." She punctuated her abrupt statement with a nervous gulp.

Naeva's eyes widened in her bafflement. Killua – whose skin was so porcelain already that she would have thought it impossible – paled and was at his sister's side in an instant. He put a hand lightly on her shoulder. "Is something wrong, Alluka?"

"No! No, nothing's wrong, Onii-chan," Alluka assured him, shaking her head so that the baubles in her hair danced. "I just- I have..." Her words tapered off and her lips twisted into an uncertain frown. Alluka turned a fretful gaze toward Naeva then, which only served to further baffle her.

"What is it?" Naeva asked, hating that the question came out as an anxious whisper.

Alluka stepped closer to take her by the hand. "Well, it's sort of an idea, I guess. Or- or maybe it's more like an offer." Each word of the vague explanation was reluctant. "It's something I've had as a thought in the back of my mind for a really long time. And now, with it being just the four of us all together, it felt right to bring it up... maybe."

Naeva squeezed on Alluka's hand. "You can talk to me about anything."

She smiled – small, sweet, almost sad – and her words were an extension of the tremulous emotion in that expression. "I know that. You're my very best friend." Alluka released her hand to gulp down a long drink of coffee. When she had lowered the mug, she seemed to have come to a decision within herself. "Let's go downstairs and talk about it. I can make everyone breakfast!" She smiled again, but this time Naeva was comforted to see her friend's usual optimism was back in place. Sometimes Alluka could be painfully harsh on herself.

Naeva nodded and followed behind everyone else as they left her room for the kitchen downstairs. _What has her so worried?_ There was a tangible static of anticipation clouding the atmosphere.

In the kitchen, Alluka busied herself retrieving ingredients from the refrigerator and did not speak again until she was chopping a handful of mushrooms for what Naeva surmised were going to be omelets. "The very first day I met you," she began, eyes on her mindful work, "you talked only a little about the world you came from. I know more now, but still very little. I never had the nerve to ask you much, because I know how the memories hurt you. Anyway, there's something I've thought a lot about ever since that first day."

Naeva eased down into one of the chairs at the table and folded her hands in her lap to keep from fidgeting. "You can- you truly can ask me anything." _Light help me, I will do my best to answer._

When Alluka finished the mushrooms and moved on to dicing green pepper, her brother put out a hand to assist her and she stopped his motion short with a quick shake of her head. "This is easier to say with the busywork," she said quietly, and Killua put his hands in his pockets. "Anyway, when I first met you, all I could think about was how much I wanted to be your friend. But... a part of me has always felt guilty about that, about how selfish I was." Alluka pushed the pile of neatly diced peppers aside and started on a tomato. Gon stepped up to the counter beside her and began cracking eggs into a large glass bowl, sparing only a shrug for her protesting look.

Naeva's brows drew together as she pondered that odd confession. "Alluka-chan, I am so grateful that you are my friend. I would not change that for anything."

Alluka looked over her shoulder with a smile. "That makes me happy." The smile slipped after a few heartbeats and her gaze went back to the cutting board. "I want to say something to you now that I know I should have said a long time ago." Finished with the vegetables, she placed a frying pan on the stove top and twirled the little knob that would adjust the flame to her liking. "You know about Nanika. As much as anyone except for Onii-chan and me, anyway. What I've never had the courage to say before... well, you should know that Nanika can return you to your old world. That is, if- if you want to go back. There must be people who miss you and love you, people who you love and miss." Her shaky hand poured a bit of oil into the frying pan and then Gon took over. He ushered Alluka to the table and pulled a chair out for her to sit. Her shoulders were quivering, eyes watery with self-admonition.

Gon resumed the cooking and Killua hastened to help him. He looked as thankful as the other boy to be able to do something to occupy himself.

Naeva sat motionless. She had summoned the Void instinctively before rising images of buried memory could overwhelm her. Nestled within that blank calm, she analyzed Alluka's words as distantly as if they had been spoken to someone else and she were only an objective party. Her friend deserved a response, and she realized she had already been silent for too long. Three years too long, perhaps. _And to answer her properly, I have to begin even earlier than that._ "If I explain to you just a fraction of my past, it would be enough for you to know that you need not feel guilty."

Alluka was listening intently, her gaze so accepting that Naeva felt the Void waver as she was tempted to let her emotions bleed through.

She concentrated only on her breathing – regular and even. "As a child, I was always desperate to learn as much as I could about channeling, and as quickly as I could convince anyone to teach me. I know it bothered my mother that little else interested me to such a degree. I appealed to her for years before she permitted me to leave for the White Tower."

"What's the White Tower?" Alluka asked pensively.

Naeva gave the needed elaborations, and her voice remained steady. "The White Tower of Tar Valon. All women who can channel are trained and governed by the White Tower, with precious few exemptions. The newest students are given the first of three successive titles – Novice. The second is Accepted, the third and final is Aes Sedai. I made it so far as Accepted." Naeva sorted apathetically through her memories to explain what she needed to next. _Not too much_ _needs to be shared. I can consider most of it irrelevant._ "Shortly after my eleventh nameday, my uncle and my cousin had come to visit me in Tar Valon. We spent a day outside the Isle, likely because I begged, but I honestly cannot remember. I remember that the sun was setting, cousin Abe was escorting me back to the Tower, and then nothing at all."

The aroma of breakfast cooking was heavy on the air now. While Gon finished frying omelets, looking very intent on that task indeed, Killua had turned around to lean back against the counter top. He was as absorbed as his sister in what she was saying, gaze astute as he thought.

Naeva hurried the story onward as best she could. "I woke up with the _a'dam_ around my neck. My cos was face down, unmoving, the both of us bound hand and foot and left in some camp tent. I woke Abe before I did anything else, for I needed to be sure that he would wake. There was blood in his hair, and I was so afraid that he may be dead." Her recollection of that heart stopping emotion was perfect, even if the voice she relayed it in was monotonous. "He began to stir, but then the Myrddraal was there. It had me, and it was dragging me from the tent."

Alluka's frown steepened and her lips parted as if to speak, but her brother beat her to it.

"Myrddraal?" Killua asked.

The question was another reminder of why she loved this world; why she hated so much to bring up any mention of her former. This world had its own power, danger, and villainy, but it had no Shadowspawn. Without evil channelers to create them, the monsters of her childhood simply did not exist here. Naeva started to shake her head, wanted to deflect the question, and then forced herself to reevaluate. _It matters, I suppose. If they are going to understand._ "A Myrddraal is a sentient and inhuman creature of the Shadow, born to serve the Dark One." That was as much detail as she felt secure in volunteering. The Void quivered, shrunk, and finally held solid as she steeled her focus. "Abe was just awakening and I ordered him to flee. He had only enough time to vanish through a Gateway. If he had lingered, I am certain that he would have been killed."

"You wanted him to tell your father that he'd seen you die," Killua said.

The Void rocked, thinned, and then was consumed entirely. _But I never- how? How could he possibly know that?_ Her expression was a proper reflection of her mind – a caricature of stunned silence. Alluka was also looking at her brother as if she had noticed something about him she had never seen before. Even Gon had turned his head to glance at his best friend curiously.

Killua kept his eyes on her own, seemingly without the need of petty human reflexes like blinking. Still, he shifted uncomfortably as he explained, "It was something you said that first day, before we got you to the hospital. You had a fever, and you ranted off and on for hours."

"Oh," Naeva said weakly. Then, feeling dumb – and worse, paranoid – she pushed herself to finish. Despite having lost the Void, she found to her amazement that her voice held strong. There was a peaceful sense of unburdening settling over her as she spoke. "The _a'dam_ is a cruel device." Her hands clenched to fists compulsively. She forced herself to relax before her fingernails cut into the skin of her palms. "The collar makes any woman into a victim for the one who wears the bracelet. Moghedien could make me feel any kind of pain that her imagination could conjure. I had been stripped of my ability to touch the One Power on my own... I could channel, but only at her discretion. The more I refused, the more she would punish me. So much as a thought about removing the collar or inflicting harm upon myself or Moghedien would cause debilitating nausea. Actually touching the collar, or anything I could even vaguely look upon as a weapon, caused pain and paralysis."

Gon turned the stovetop flame off with a click and covered the skillet of food with a glass lid. He turned an oven mitt over in his hands, eyes dimmed with sympathy that forced her to look away or risk that she might start to cry. "She tortured you, and the collar was designed to keep you incapable of fighting back."

"That did not matter so much," Naeva murmured. "I was not going to give in and Moghedien knew that early on. Moghedien and I... because of that link, and how long we shared it, I would say that we know one another well. Any physical pain she experienced while wearing the bracelet, I experienced tenfold. I sensed her emotions and she sensed mine. I knew that Moghedien would not kill me, she knew that she could not break me. What she _could_ do was use me. There was-" The hollow ache of loss hit her heart and constricted her throat. Alluka pulled her chair closer to hold her hands, and that offering of sweet comfort did her in. Naeva's vision swam with tears. She squeezed her eyelids shut to avoid letting them fall. _Burn it all, I can get through this!_

"Stop and breathe, Naeva." Killua's voice, resolute and calm, had a remarkably grounding effect. She had not even been aware that she was holding her breath.

Naeva kept her eyes closed until she had reclaimed composure. "Moghedien held a long-standing grudge against my mother. She laid a trap, and with me set as the bait Moghedien got exactly what she had wanted. My parents died. Hundreds besides, perhaps thousands. I wish that I knew. The city was being set afire... but then Uncle Perrin and my brother intervened."

Alluka's hands tightened around her own. She looked startled. "You have a brother?"

Naeva nodded. "One elder brother, Deval. He brought reinforcements to the battle. Uncle Perrin fought Moghedien himself. Light, I was so certain that he could defeat her. He had the wolves, and Moghedien was terrified. She ran, through a Gateway, but he pursued. Moghedien dragged me around by the leash of the _a'dam_ and every time I opened my eyes the world around me would spin and shift. Perrin always followed just an instant behind. There were more wolves every time I looked, until... it sounds like lunacy, but then there was nothing. All was dark and empty. I only knew Moghedien was with me because I could feel her through the _a'dam._ " She licked her lips and offered Alluka a remorseful look. "After that, my memories go to pieces. I saw marble columns and tendrils of mist. There were other people, but not humans. They were clothed in human skin, with red fur... like foxes, almost. They spoke to Moghedien, but I could not make any words out. That is the last thing I remember before waking up in this world."

While she finished the tale, Gon transferred the food to the table and Killua gathered plates and cutlery. As they took their own seats, Naeva felt a surge of warm gratefulness for her three friends. It was incredible, really, that she had found any of them. She exhaled a slow breath; it was past time to get to her point.

"Alluka-chan, had you offered to send me back on that first day I would have said no. My reasoning then would have been mostly borne by fear. My old world is a dangerous place for me." _I am talking too much._ Naeva went on, "My answer today is still no, but for better reasons. I am adapted to and very happy in this world. No matter how I love and miss the people I have left behind, and I _do_ -" Her eyes wanted to well with tears again. She blinked them away. "-I am certain that I would miss this life even more if it were you I could never see again."

Throughout that, Alluka had looked on the verge of her own tears. Finally, her best friend summoned a gentle smile. It was the sort that pulled all the shadows from her mind and made everything seem more beautiful in an instant. "You'll always have me, Naeva-chan."

Naeva returned the smile and they squeezed each other's hands with enthusiasm.

"I feel like I have more questions than ever," Killua grumbled. When she glanced at him he jerked as if he had not intended to speak aloud. With an irritated frown, he pushed loaded plates of breakfast closer to Alluka and herself. "Whatever. We can just eat now and talk more later."

* * *

After breakfast had been cleaned up, Killua found himself standing alone with his sister and Gon in the foyer while Naeva hurried to pack a bag of necessities so they could leave. The plan, as far as it had been decided at this point, was to return to his hotel suite in Yorkshin City for tonight. Naeva had no real desire to remain in Kurapika and Senritsu's empty house.

While Alluka and Gon chatted, Killua slipped into his own thoughts. Naeva's story at breakfast had laid to rest a few of the mysteries he'd been carrying around in the back of his mind ever since meeting her. Unfortunately, it'd also shed more light on just how little he was able to understand about the world she had come from. Listening to the horrors of it – and she'd censored her telling liberally, in his opinion – had been a trying experience. It had also made him feel guilty as Alluka's brother for not having noticed how deeply his sister felt her friend's pain as her own. _Three weeks Nanika slept this time. Four days, ten days, and then three weeks. Steadily, the toll is increasing... she's weakening, and we don't know why.  
_

Behind that concern, some stray idea was tickling the back of his brain. There was something important that his subconscious was working out, but he could not quite put it into words yet. Killua was still fitting separate pieces of the picture in his mind together when Naeva came out of her room and down the stairs. She had a stuffed backpack slung across her shoulders, ready to go. Nothing distracting happened on the journey to the Hotel Eckhert, and so he was afforded more quiet time for contemplation. By the time they were all shuffling into the large suite, he felt he'd nearly made sense of his scrambled thoughts. Alluka and Naeva bounded off together to unpack in her room.

A flash of red caught Killua's eye and he frowned. The tiny bulb on the hotel phone was blinking. An ominous intuition twisted his stomach into knots. He thought Gon might've said something to him, but he was in a sort of trance as he approached the phone. Killua put the handset to his ear and pushed zero to reach the reception desk.

"This is Anders at the front desk, how may I help you?"

"The message light on my phone is blinking. Room 1182." Killua added a bit of snap to his tone.

"Just a moment, sir, I'll look that right up for you." There was a long pause after the man's words and he could clearly hear the clicking of a keyboard. "Would you like to come down to the lobby to receive the message in person?"

His grip tensed around the handset. "Just read it." Perhaps that was more of a growl than he'd intended, but he could _not_ shake that feeling of dread.

"Yes, sir. Of course, sir. The message is as follows: Dearest Kil, it's been too long." The man cleared his throat awkwardly before continuing, "Mom would like to celebrate your birthday this year as a family. If I don't hear back from you soon, I promise I'll stop by for a visit." There was a brief pause, and then he added cheerfully, "That's the end of the mes-"

Killua slammed the handset back down. After a moment, the message light ceased its infernal flashing. _Illumi. Damn it! What do I do? I have to contact him first. He can't come here!_ He was already fishing his cell phone from his pocket when a touch on his shoulder brought him out of his panicked reverie and back to the reality that he wasn't alone in his problems.

Gon squeezed his shoulder companionably. "Is everything okay?"

Killua shook his head and kept his voice low, very conscious of the small sounds Alluka and Naeva made in the nearby room. "It was a message from Illumi."

Gon's eyes narrowed. "What does _he_ want?"

Killua hesitated, unsure of how to answer. "To talk." He pulled his cell phone from his pocket and stared at it grimly. _And what he's always wanted from me..._ _what they all want from me._

Gon grimaced. After a darted glance toward the hallway that led to the bedrooms, he spoke up in a whisper. "If you wanna go make the call, I can try to keep the girls busy here for a while and make up an excuse. Come back with coffee, or something."

Killua nodded once, absurdly grateful. Calling Illumi would require both his full concentration and a degree of restraint that would be difficult to manage unless he was alone. "I'll be right back, Gon. Keep your guard up, just in case."

His best friend offered a confident smile, and that was enough.

Killua ignored the door back to the hotel corridor and instead pushed a window open. He stowed his phone back in his pocket long enough to clamber onto the outside ledge. There, he eyed the distance to the roof and then jumped. He caught himself easily and rolled up onto the roof in a smooth motion, prepared for anything. It was a relief to find nothing but open air. He took a second to regulate his too-fast pulse before peering his head over the ledge to where Gon was looking up for him. They exchanged a quick thumbs up and then Gon withdrew and closed the window.

Once more, Killua pulled out his cell phone. At this particular moment he couldn't help but regard it as an exceptionally loathsome device. It took a good amount of willpower to punch in the number for Illumi's cell, and even more to press the button that would connect the call. As he lifted the phone to his ear, he sat up on the ledge to survey the surrounding buildings and the streets below. If his brother was watching him from somewhere, he should at least appear composed.

Illumi answered before the first ring had finished. "Hello, Kil."

His stomach flipped queasily. "Say whatever it is you want to say."

"My, how cold you sound." He could hear the approval in Illumi's voice.

Killua bit down hard on the temptation to respond angrily. He made a show of nonchalantly swinging his legs over the sheer drop.

His brother hummed – was that satisfaction or displeasure? – when he didn't rise to the bait. "You're overdue for a visit home, don't you think? Right now it's an open invitation. Mom wants so badly to see you for your birthday that she's even willing to let you bring your _companions_ along." Some derisiveness seeped into his tone there, but then he lightened it. "They'll be welcomed as guests, if you come willingly."

Killua took his time to turn that over in his mind. _They have some plot in play. If I can't figure out what it is..._ "You're offering a guarantee that none of my friends would be harmed?" He couldn't quite keep the thick distrust from his voice.

"Their lives will be guaranteed safety. That's a promise from Mom – if you come willingly, and before the deadline of your birthday."

Killua kicked his heels against the building and made his voice a charade of levity. "What happens if I refuse?"

There was a long pause on the other end before Illumi answered. "Either way, you'll be returning home. Your choice is whether to do so by Mom's invitation or Dad's order. If I come to collect you, Kil, you may not appreciate my methods. On a related note, which of your companions do you consider the most expendable?"

Killua's blood ran cold and malice hardened his words. "I'll call home once I've made my decision. Until then, I'd better not catch so much as a glimpse of you."

"I look forward to-"

Killua hung up on Illumi's faux-cheerful farewell. He remained on his high perch and continued to watch over the area awhile. There was no sign that his brother was nearby, but he needed some time to temper the fury that had risen within him. _By Mom's invitation or Dad's order. My birthday. They want me back, and they mean to keep me this time._

After a few minutes, he sent a text to Gon. 'Everything okay there?'

The reply was instant. 'We're all okay.'


	4. Past Enemies, Present Problems

The sun was already at its zenith by the time Killua made it back to his hotel suite. It'd taken a long while to put his thoughts together well enough that he felt he would be able to communicate them, and longer still to reign in his dark mood. Burdened with four tall coffees stacked precariously atop a baker's dozen box of cookies, he kicked his shoe against the door in lieu of opening it himself.

Moments later, the door was flung wide by a relieved looking Gon. "You're back, and with coffee!" His best friend took the cups from atop the box while he closed the door behind himself.

Killua debated flipping the deadbolt and then nearly laughed at the ludicrous notion that a flimsy lock might be able to stop his brother. Instead he walked forward and into the common area, where Naeva and Alluka sat beside one another on the long couch. He went to drop the bakery box onto the coffee table and faltered. Something was off. For a moment, he blinked and was unsure if he was losing his mind. Finally, he set the box down and swept a critical gaze around the room. "What happened to the vase of flowers?"

Naeva grimaced and Alluka patted her on the knee before skewering him with a sharp eyed look that he was pretty sure he didn't deserve.

Gon stepped up to place a cup of coffee in front of each of the girls and hand one to him as well. Killua set his down. He didn't really have the stomach for it at the moment. Gon elaborated when it seemed neither of the other two were going to. "The vase, uh, well, it broke. It was an accident."

Another of the weighty problems on his mind was dragged back to the forefront. Killua frowned at Naeva and she met his look only hesitantly. "What kind of accident?" he asked her directly.

Naeva pulled in a swift, shallow breath. There was a spark of fear in her eyes before she blinked it away. "I was trying to- ah, never mind. The vase... exploded."

"Exploded," he repeated flatly.

Naeva averted her gaze. "Nobody was hurt, but... Light, but it frightened me." She _was_ unusually pallid, he observed belatedly.

Alluka took up her best friend's hand and smiled at her with warmth. "It really was only a little accident, Naeva-chan. You don't have to feel so bad."

Naeva shook her head with a degree of zeal that was unusual for her.

Killua spoke up quickly. "I have an idea regarding that." _An idea that she won't like. I don't even like it._ Everyone looked to him in surprise and he held up a hand to forestall any questions. "Give me a second." Killua sank down into an armchair, lowering his face to his hands. _Which problem first? Naeva's might be more urgent, but then again maybe it isn't. Maybe Illumi is on his way here right now. He's definitely going to be spying on us all._

"Onii-chan, are _you_ okay?" Alluka's concerned voice cut into his thoughts and Killua steadied himself as best he could before looking up again.

"I'm fine." He mustered a smile that hopefully didn't look as forced as it felt. "Naeva, you said something yesterday that I thought I should bring up. Something about what's been happening with your powers."

"I did?" Naeva was now fretting her hands together in her lap.

Killua picked his words as considerately as he could. "You mentioned having no one to turn to who could possibly tell you what's happening. After this morning, when you were telling your story, I realized that isn't exactly accurate."

The room grew silent for a ponderous moment, but just as he was about to elaborate further he saw the horrified realization alight in Naeva's eyes. "Moghedien. You mean _Moghedien_."

Killua nodded. "Could she know about what's happening to you?"

"It is possible. Probable, even. Slim chance she would tell me, but..." Naeva licked her lips and gripped her hands together until her knuckles were white and her fingertips purple. "I shall go to her and try. Right now. It must be right now, before I lose my nerve." She pulled herself to her feet and put on a smile that didn't reflect in her eyes.

Killua stood from his chair to catch her by the elbow as she turned for the door. "Not alone."

Naeva met his serious look, but with only a flicker of her usual obstinance. "It would be better for you to remain here."

Killua narrowed his eyes. "Look, if you don't want me going with you then I'm sure Gon will volunteer, but you can't go to the Yverris Plains alone. That would be stupid."

When it looked like she wanted to argue further, Gon hastily added his own input, "Naeva, you should let Killua help. He's fast enough to get you in and out of there without anyone noticing. The Holy Coventry isn't going to let you interrogate one of their prisoners just because you demand it."

Naeva grew still, eyes faraway. When she relented, it was with a curt nod. "Very well. I can see reason." She put her hand over his where he was still holding onto her arm and at her gentle prying he released his grip.

Alluka looked between he and Naeva a few times. "You're going to go back to Yverris, to break back into the Palace." She settled her worried gaze on her best friend. "That sounds way too dangerous! That woman, she-" Alluka stumbled over her words at Naeva's abruptly sad expression and finished in a softer voice. "-I don't think she should be trusted. She might just lie to you."

Killua gave his sister's shoulder a comforting squeeze and she looked to him with a frown. "I'll know if she lies."

Naeva turned her forlorn stare toward the door. "There is no other option. If there were, I would take it."

Alluka whirled to her. "If anything bad happens to you two-"

"Nothing bad is going to happen. We'll be safe, Alluka." Killua put utmost confidence into that assurance and still Alluka's expression fell, sorrowful enough that his heart ached within his chest. "I think it's worth it to try this." He turned to regard Naeva. "Does it really have to be _right_ now?"

Naeva blinked over at him, momentarily uncertain, then nodded mutely.

Gon chimed in with welcome optimism. "Everything's going to be okay, Naeva. If anyone can get the answers you need out of that woman, it'll be Killua."

He shifted uncomfortably at the praise, but it did seem to bolster Naeva. At least, she managed a more sincere smile for Gon. Then she turned to Alluka and embraced her. It had the clinging, desperate look of a farewell.

"I shall be back before you know it," Naeva whispered. Without another word, she spun away and was dashing out the door.

Killua offered his sister a final smile that he hoped was comforting and shared a look with Gon that carried the unspoken promise she would be protected in his absence. "This won't take long." He then rushed out after Naeva.

It was only a moment before he had caught up to her in the hallway. At the end of the corridor she slammed her palm down on the elevator call button.

Well, that was concerning. Killua shot her a skeptical glance. "Aren't we going to use a Gateway?"

"Not here, not yet. If it happens again while I am weaving a Gateway... with the amount of Power..." Naeva shivered and would not look at him. "Better to find a quiet alleyway than risk blowing up the top floors of this hotel like I did that vase."

The elevator door dinged and opened before he had a chance to respond to that grisly notion. Naeva walked in and pressed her back against the wall with her eyes closed and her arms wrapped around herself. Killua hit the button for the lobby and leaned back beside her. His thoughts continually wandered to Illumi no matter how he tried to keep them on the current situation. _There are just two months left before my eighteenth birthday._

Naeva held her breath for the entire descent until he was beginning to really worry about the grayish tinge to her skin. Thankfully the elevator reached the lobby without any unnecessary stops and she lunged back out, drawing in ragged breath. "I. Despise. Those things. So flaming much." She panted, leaning over and bracing her hands on her knees.

Ordinarily he would've been amused, but there was little humor to be found at the moment. Killua patted a hand lightly on her back until her breathing was regular again. Some of the color even returned to her face, which he was glad to see. If he could've thought of anything reassuring to say he would have tried, but the only words that came to mind felt meaningless. He remained silent. _She has to face the demons from her past._ The image of Moghedien flashed through his mind and melted into his memories of Illumi. _We both do._ _There's no way I can tell her it's going to be easy._

Naeva started forward again with a meager amount of her usual poise. He followed her out through the revolving doors and into a nearby alley. At least, he would have if she hadn't turned around and put her hands out to stop him. "Wait here! Let me go and open the Gateway first. If it holds steady, _then_ you may follow me."

"You don't have to be so nervous." Killua shook his head, confused by the fervency of the request. "I'm fast enou-"

"Just stay, Killua!" There was stark panic in her voice, now. Her hands, still flat against his chest, were shaking. Naeva continued in softer, but even more urgent whisper. "I shall be far more comfortable if you will just stay here, _please._ "

Killua nodded, at a loss for words. _I've_ _never seen her so scared before – not even when we first found her. She honestly thinks she might kill me._

Naeva ran to the opposite end of the alleyway, peering around the corner to be sure no one was nearby in either direction. After a sharp glance back at him – probably to confirm that he hadn't moved – she wove her Gateway. It sliced the air in front of her no differently from any he had seen her summon before. Through the window-like opening there was nothing visible but dusty earth and darkening blue sky. Naeva gave a half-relieved, half-anxious laugh and then waved him forward so they could step through together. On the other side, with their feet planted firmly in the dry heat of the Yverris Plains, the Gateway vanished and she relaxed just a fraction.

"This is the spot where you fought her," Killua said, the recollection coming back to him as he surveyed the nearby area.

"Yes," Naeva murmured the confirmation. Her eyes unfocused while she looked over the scarred earth.

"Let's go, then." Killua picked her up and crossed the distance to the walls rapidly. Nobody would've been able to see his movement unless they knew to be looking for it. "I remember the blueprints, so I should be able to get us into the dungeons quick."

After a long silence, he looked down at Naeva. She had a frown trembling on her lips. "I do not think I should attempt any more channeling unless it is absolutely necessary. I might be useless, so you must be careful."

Killua shook his head. "Stop worrying like that. And give me a little credit," he grumbled, "this is one of the easier missions I've signed myself up for. Just make sure to keep quiet. We'll be moving too quickly to be seen, but I'd rather not be heard." He tensed, then pushed off the ground and landed atop the wall at a sprint. He made a beeline for a heavy iron door in the opposite parapet that the blueprints he'd memorized so long ago had identified as the Coventry barracks. As it was early evening here the barracks might be well occupied, but they made for the most direct path to the dungeons. The soldiers that they passed along the wall were only a brief blur and nobody raised a call of alarm.

Naeva squeezed her eyes shut and pressed her face into his shoulder, but to her credit she didn't make even a tiny sound. His arms tightened a bit around her to offer what support he could. It was unlike her to be anything but recklessly brave, and the visible amount of fear she was struggling against unsettled him to no small degree.

They were through the weighty steel door and speeding to the bottom of the staircase just seconds after his feet had first touched down. Killua counted the levels as they passed and only slowed once they were two floors below ground. Here, another door barred entry to the old dungeons where the most severely sentenced prisoners were held – where they would find Moghedien.

Killua set Naeva back on her feet in the corner beneath the stairs where the shadows seemed darkest. He made a gesture for silence, but she wasn't really looking at him. Her frightened stare was focused on the door ahead. "Wait here. I don't know how many guards will be posted," he whispered, and for a moment he wasn't sure if she had even heard him.

"Only another few seconds, I believe," Naeva whispered back.

Before Killua could ask her what she was talking about, hardly a half-second after she'd uttered that last word, the Palace around them shook violently. The stone walls reverberated and dust showered down on them. A thunderous boom rang out. It felt like the shock wave of an explosion. "Damn it! What the hell _was_ that?" The shrill wailing of an alarm he remembered all too well pierced the air.

"After I closed the Gateway, I set a diversion to go off," Naeva answered in a thin voice.

"Well, you should have-" The angry words died in his throat at the noise of frantic footfalls behind the door. Killua pressed them both closely against the wall and hoped the shadow of the staircase would be enough to conceal them. The door opened with a crash and two guards sprinted past to tromp up the stairs. When they were just out of sight he grabbed Naeva and bolted through the dungeon door before it had the chance to fully close. "-you should have warned me!" He finished once they were safely on the other side.

Naeva flinched and he felt a twinge of remorse at the sharpness of his tone. "You are right. I did not- I am not thinking very clearly." Her breathing was too shallow and rapid again.

Killua scrubbed a hand through his hair and considered the way she had been behaving. _Not thinking clearly might be an understatement._ "C'mon, let's get this over with while everyone's gone." He started forward and scanned the cells as they hurried by.

There were very few present occupants, all of whom looked sickly and apathetic to whatever their individual fates may be. They had nearly reached the end of the long corridor when he spotted her. Moghedien appeared strikingly dissimilar from the version he remembered. Her black hair was a greasy, knotted mess and her skin was so pale as to be nearly transparent. Most troubling of all, there was something distinctly different about her sharp features. _She looks a decade younger than she did before. How is that possible?_

Naeva walked slowly up to the bars of the cell. " _Imsoen, atha'an shadar. Ni imsoen ca'lyet ye."_

The imprisoned woman stared at her and a succession of emotions contorted her face; shock, fury, greed, and hope. She settled on greed. Moghedien's knees shook as she rose to her feet and approached the bars. "I have been waiting on this day. You _need_ me." Her voice was a pained sounding rasp, but clearly mocking.

Naeva straightened herself up rigidly. "I need nothing. Desperate I may be to have come here, but never desperate enough to bargain with you, Forsaken. You will give me truthful answers to my questions, or if you do not I am prepared to tear them from your unwilling mind by force." There was no anger in her threat. The words were chill.

Moghedien smiled. "It has not been possible to keep accurate track of time down here, but you look the right age..." She scrutinized Naeva from head to toe and then laughed. "You do not know Compulsion. You cannot possibly think you can fumble your way through figuring it out – not now, not while you suffer from Channeling Sickness."

"You must be afraid." Naeva's eyebrows lowered and her hands tightened to fists at her sides. "That is a pitiful lie."

Moghedien attempted another laugh that dissolved into a fit of coughing. When her thin body had stopped shaking, she sounded wheezier but no less condescending. "A lie? You know nothing. The Tower fools who trained you? They know _nothing_. Channeling Sickness is not tied to first contact with the One Power." Her cruel little smile spread, a caricature of a grin. "It is a symptom of adolescence. That the two commonly coincide is mere happenstance, as unusual cases like yourself serve to demonstrate."

Killua watched Naeva carefully as she processed that. He himself could understand little of it. Her eyes incrementally widened and she took a step backward, away from the cell.

Moghedien went right on with her taunting. "You have only two choices, whelp. Keep that nobility you value so highly and die, else Heal me and grovel for my mercy that you might live."

Naeva shook her head. "You are lying. You will die powerless and imprisoned." She turned away from the cell and would have started to walk away, but he grabbed her hand to stop her.

Killua's mouth went dry at the look she shot him – equal parts outraged and horrified. He turned back to study Moghedien. _I'm not so sure she isn't telling the truth._ "What are the symptoms of Channeling Sickness?"

Moghedien laughed with a derisive glee that made his skin crawl. "Concerned, are you? You should be. Mayhap you can talk some sense into her."

"Answer the question." Killua hardened his gaze mercilessly.

"You do not intimidate _me,_ boy." Despite that claim, Moghedien went on to answer him immediately. "The first symptom is intermittent problems while spinning a web – weaving, as they teach it now. The One Power resists and the web recoils. Each time this happens it wreaks havoc on the stability of mind and body, causing periods of uncontrollable emotion – anger, paranoia, even euphoria – and later fatigue. These events are at first spread out, but they soon fall more closely together and continue to increase in severity until-"

"That is enough!" Naeva cried out. She pulled on his hand and he refused to slacken his grip or budge an inch. "We cannot trust her, Killua!"

His thoughts were racing. This really wasn't the first instance of Naeva acting out of character, and it was doubtful Moghedien could have simply guessed at that to craft such an elaborate fabrication. _After the incident in her room... I guess I would call that euphoria. How much time after it happened did her emotion shift? Today, after the vase, she's in a full blown panic. We can't trust this woman, but she_ is _telling the truth._

"Finish the sentence," Killua snapped. "Until what?"

Moghedien appeared shaken – possibly by the murderous glare on his face – but only for an instant. She grinned again, plainly satisfied. "Until the grand finale. Her body will begin to ravage itself. She will suffer and scream for days before the grave claims her. The only way to avoid this is to be Healed by another channeler." Malevolence danced in her dark eyes as Moghedien wrapped her hands tight around the iron bars. "If my ability is returned to me she can be saved. Otherwise, you might consider it a kindness to put her in the ground now, boy." Moghedien's head whipped to the side and she staggered back as if she'd been slapped, nearly losing her balance and tumbling to the dirty floor. She touched her cheek, where a stripe of angry red flesh was blooming, and aimed a glare at Naeva that was seething with hatred.

Killua felt an impervious, invisible grip on the back of his hand and was forced to let go of Naeva. She glowered at Moghedien, as furious and as terrified as he'd ever seen her. " _Mordero daghain pas duente cuebiyar, atha'an shadar._ "

"I know that, whelp. I also know you will deteriorate enough to change your mind, before the end comes." Moghedien crept back to the bars and pressed her face against them with a more eager smile. She turned her attention on him and that smile widened. "Are you going to allow her to chose death? If so, please do leave her here with me. I shall savor her agony greatly more than you will, I expect."

Naeva stepped nearer to the cell, shoulders trembling. "Your attempts are pathetic. My hands will _never_ Heal you."

"You are already far gone!" A trace of despair lit on Moghedien's features. "How much time do you think you have left? Bend that fool pride, or condemn yourself to the grave! Both options are equally appealing to me _._ "

Naeva turned her back on the woman. " _Lyet,_ Killua. She is only going to continue lying."

Killua started to shake his head, but then the thin silver line of a Gateway was already splitting the air beside them.

A slight, panicked intake of breath from Moghedien was the first warning he had that something was about to go very wrong. That silver line of light in midair flickered once, and warbled sinuously. Every instinct in his body screamed danger.

Killua activated his Hatsu and sprang into action. He grabbed Naeva up and ran. The attempted Gateway flashed brilliantly red just as he sprinted past, creating a streaky blind spot in his vision. With every step that brought them further away from it, he could see that glow behind him growing brighter. He thought he heard Moghedien loose a scream just as he charged through the door out of the dungeon and tensed to leap several floors up the staircase. When his feet found purchase on the ground level – a fraction of a second after he'd made the decision to run – a massive explosion sounded from below. Killua hurried forward as the stone beneath him heaved, throwing his momentum toward the nearby exit as a torrent of flames burst up the stairwell. A wave of searing air hit him from behind like a physical wall. The doors ahead were blown from their hinges and the shockwave tossed them through to tumble across the hard earth of the courtyard.

Killua coughed dust from his burning lungs, but every fresh breath brought in more. He could hear nothing but a terrible ringing in his ears. For too long, the world spun in useless chaos around him. He remembered first that he'd been carrying someone. _Gon? No, that was... that was years ago._ As the smoke and debris in the air began to clear he could vaguely make out the shape beneath him on the ground and his heart missed a beat at her stillness. _Naeva!_ He tried to say her name and only wound up coughing more.

Fearing the worst, Killua raised her up off the ground with a tense grip on her shoulders. Poignant relief swamped him when she shifted and blinked her eyes open dazedly. Naeva tried to speak and was forced to hack acrid dust and smoke from her lungs just as he had been.

Killua pushed himself up. There were others beginning to stagger back to their feet in the courtyard, all of them wearing the slate gray uniform of the Holy Coventry. He helped Naeva to stand once she'd stopped coughing. More soldiers were stumbling out from the Palace. He was aware that many of them were shouting, but that infernal ringing was taking its time in fading away and he couldn't make any of their words out – not that it mattered. _They're going to figure out real quick that we're intruders. I need to get us away from here right now._ He reached for Naeva to pick her up and do just that, but she wasn't there anymore. He turned around to see her sprinting toward the Palace.

Killua hastened to block her path and caught her when she stumbled into him. "What are you doing?" His voice echoed oddly in his damaged ears.

Naeva was struggling to get away again. Her eyes were trying to stare everywhere in the courtyard at once. It looked as if she was speaking, but it was inaudible to him. She must have realized he wasn't going to let her go, because she stopped trying to pull away and managed to focus her gaze on his own. When she spoke again he still couldn't hear her voice, but reading her lips was enough. "What have I done?"

The question, coupled with the abject horror in her eyes, rattled him.

Naeva used the opportunity to wrench herself free and he was forced to catch her again. She started screaming, loudly enough this time that he could at least hear her distantly. "Killua, no! I did this! _I_ did this!" Her incriminating shouts were attracting the attention of the soldiers in the courtyard. Suspicious and angry gazes fixated on them. A few men started reaching for sidearms. "Let me go! Let me Heal them!"

Killua whirled her about to face him. "You can't! More people might be hurt if you try!" He shouted down at her and the blood drained from her face at his words. Probably he'd sounded harsher than necessary, but it wasn't easy to control the volume of his voice at present. She stopped struggling and he wasted no further time scooping her up. As he jumped for the wall he heard the sounds of several rapid fire gunshots, but he was well ahead of any bullets. Killua hit the ground running and didn't slow his pace until they were within sight of Ebbston.

In what was an almost unbelievable stroke of luck, there was an airship at the landing zone already punching tickets and admitting passengers. Killua hurried to join the short queue and set Naeva down on her own feet beside him. She wobbled, still stunned, and he had to stabilize her with an arm around her shoulders. Her lips were moving again, but he had the impression that it was actually soundless this time. Nobody in the line was staring at them like she might be a crazy person, anyhow. When it was his turn he paid quickly with his Hunter's License and gave the Captain a firm word about taking off at once and setting Swaldani – the nearest hospital – as the immediate destination.

As he was leading her down the aisle toward their seats, Naeva crumpled. Killua cursed beneath his breath and carried her the last of the way. Only after he'd gotten her settled into a low seat did he have the nerve to look her over for damage. Aside from a few visible scrapes she wasn't wounded, but there was a sheen on her feverish skin and her eyes were glassy. Moghedien's words came back to him, running circles around his own thoughts. _'Her body will begin to ravage itself.'_

Killua pulled his cell phone out and dialed a hospital in the city. He had to argue furiously – and loudly – with two separate receptionists before they connected him to the Dean of Medicine. From then, all he had to do was mention Kurapika's name and he was hastily assured that there would be a private room waiting for Naeva when they arrived.

His hearing had finally returned to normal. Killua wiped his forehead and the back of his hand came back wet with sweat and dirt. _We'll be fine once we make it to the hospital._ Naeva was twitching in the seat beside him. She was conscious, but far from present. _'The only way to avoid this is to be Healed by another channeler.'_ He forced those words adamantly away. _No, Moghedien is wrong. Naeva had no clue about modern medicine when she got here, so Moghedien can't possibly know what she's talking about._

Killua flagged a stewardess down for water. When she came back and handed him a bottle, he managed to get Naeva to sit up and take a few drinks before she slumped down again feebly. He finished the rest himself. Then he sank further into the uncomfortable seat, coaxing Naeva to lean her head against his shoulder and close her eyes. He mumbled soothing words – unaware of what he was actually saying – until gradually she relaxed and fell asleep. _I only have to get her to the hospital. Whatever this is, medicine can fix it._

* * *

Alluka was a nervous wreck from the moment her brother and best friend had left. As the hours ticked by and night fell she was something worse than uneasy and just shy of panic. _They should have been back by now. Why can I never do anything but wait? Why am I always left behind? Where_ _are they?!_

Gon was watching her as she paced back and forth across the carpet. He'd been doing an admirable job of keeping her from losing it so far, but she was at her limit. "Hey, maybe we should-" His words were cut off by the ringing of his cell phone.

Alluka pounced, landing on the couch beside where Gon sat and digging the phone out of his pocket before he'd even begun to reach for it himself. Sure enough, the name on the caller ID read 'Killua'. She connected to the call and spoke hurriedly, "Onii-chan, are you okay?"

There was a sharp intake of breath on the other end. "I'm okay, Alluka. We had to board an airship from Yverris. I'm sorry that I didn't call earlier."

"Did something happen?" She frowned, trying her best not to hold her breath while she awaited his answer.

For a while, all she could hear through the phone was the noise of city traffic. She was almost about to snap with impatience when Killua finally replied. "There was another accident. I'm taking Naeva to the Swaldani University Hospital. Tell Gon that the keys to my car are in the drawer beneath the microwave so that he can drive you both to the airport. You can meet up with us here, okay?"

Alluka tried to speak and all that left her throat was a reedy squeak.

Gon, alarmed now, took the phone from her shaking hand and put it to his own ear. "Killua, what's going on? Alluka is..." He fell quiet and listened. "Okay, got it. We'll see you there soon."

Alluka sat very still. Her vision was a blurry mess, and she didn't have it in her to keep the tears from spilling over. She hung her head dismally. _I knew that something bad was going to happen. I knew it._ Then there was the feel of warm arms around her and she was wrapped up in a hug, trembling against Gon's supportive hold.

"Everything's going to be okay, Alluka. You'll see," Gon mumbled the words of reassurance into her hair.

Nanika was as upset by the confusing news as she was. _I don't understand! Killua and Naeva were supposed to be safe!_

Alluka choked off her sobs and pulled away from the comfort of Gon's arms. "We have to go now. We have to meet them there as soon as possible." She hauled herself up to her feet and scrubbed a sleeve beneath her runny nose. _It's okay, Nanika. I'm sure they're both fine. They just have to be._


	5. A Leap like No Other

Alluka sat with her knees pulled up to her chest and watched as Naeva intermittently twitched on the hospital bed. There was an IV needle taped to her hand and an oxygen mask over her face, both of which Alluka knew her best friend would have hated if only she were conscious. Worse still was the pair of larger needles and the tubing that flowed crimson with Naeva's blood to the loudly humming dialysis machine and back again.

Killua had fallen asleep in his chair twenty minutes ago. He'd only done so because she insisted. Keeping himself awake forcefully was something he'd been trained to do, but it wasn't very good for keeping his mind sharp. Gon was leaning forward with his elbows on his knees and his chin in his hands, eyes continually darting between the floor and the bed where Naeva was strapped down.

Alluka debated making a trip to the vending machine for a few canned coffees. It was more because she wanted to do something other than sit here uselessly than out of any real need for the caffeine. She was still struggling to muster the will to get up when there was a perfunctory knock on the door to the room and it was pushed open.

Her brother bolted upright, immediately alert. Killua stared hard while the doctor – the man had introduced himself but she hadn't bothered paying attention to his name – walked in. The doctor was a stocky older man, one of the senior staff. For a long while his eyes continued to scan the clipboard he'd carried in, and then he went to Naeva's bedside to observe the flashing monitor displays.

"Well?" Killua demanded, tapping the toe of his sneaker against the floor in irritation. "What can you tell us?"

The doctor jotted a few things down on various clipboard pages before turning to address them. Alluka could read his badge now, and was surprised that she hadn't been able to remember a name like Dr. Funkie. "We have the results of our second round of tests back. Diagnostics are still inconclusive, but we'll continue narrowing it down."

"Just tell us what you can, please," Gon urged the man, and darted a pointed look toward Killua. "We're all running a little low on patience."

Without shifting his attention from the doctor, Killua pointedly eased himself back down into his chair. He _had_ been halfway to his feet with a furious glower on his face.

Dr. Funkie tucked the clipboard underneath his arm and Alluka's heart sank at his sympathetic expression. "Her temperature remains elevated, but manageable. Heart palpitations are occurring with increasing frequency," he hesitated a beat, lips twitching into a frown, "and I'm afraid that the kidney damage appears to be irreversible. Of course, it might only be too early to show improvements with regard to-"

"Leave us," Killua snapped, frustrated. His knuckles were white from his tense grip on the armrests of the chair. The doctor didn't utter a word of protest, but hastened to leave.

Alluka went to sit beside Naeva on the bed. Her own cheeks were wet again and it was the umpteenth time that day, so she didn't bother wiping the tears away.

 _I'm so sorry, Alluka._ Nanika had been apologizing in her mind ever since delivering the news that she wasn't capable of healing Naeva. She couldn't explain why, and it was the first time her power had ever failed to help them.

_It's not your fault._

"We have to get her to her old world, and I think we need to do it right now." Killua spoke up.

"What?" Alluka heard Gon ask at the same time she did.

Killua stood from his chair. "Moghedien-" He paused, conflicted, then went on in a rush. "-she said that only another channeler would be able to Heal her. I didn't believe that, but I should have. If Naeva..." He let the sentence trail away while he drew in a few deep, hitching breaths.

"Onii-chan, you..." Alluka murmured, dumbstruck. _He should have told us earlier! Oh, Nanika, we have a way!_ She slid off the hospital bed to throw her arms around her brother. "We'll all go!" She was pleased that her voice was steady, even if anxiety still gripped her heart like a vice. "And we can all come back home _together_ after this works." She summoned her most confident smile. _Right, Nanika?_

 _Right!_ The agreement was enthusiastic, and then Nanika was swamped with doubt. _I will have to sleep again._

 _It's okay._ Alluka reassured her. _I'll take care of Onii-chan and everyone while you sleep and recover._ And that was enough. Nanika was enthusiastic again.

Killua's eyebrows were tilted down, his expression grim, but he did try to return her smile. "Right. We still have enough time. It isn't too late." That last, he'd only whispered.

Gon tapped one finger thoughtfully against his chin, then gave a decisive nod. "Well, let's disconnect her." He started turning knobs and pushing buttons on the machines until they were all silent. She hoped fervently that he knew what he was doing.

Alluka gulped and met her brother's troubled gaze. "The White Tower... that's where you need to tell Nanika to take us. She said- Naeva said that the White Tower is for channelers, so they'll know how to Heal her. We can find someone there to help us."

Her brother nodded and determination settled over him. "Yes, that's perfect. That will work."

After the IV and dialysis needles were removed – Gon had rummaged some bandaging to stem the trail of blood that leaked from the punctures – Alluka pulled the oxygen mask off of Naeva's face.

There was a knock at the door and Gon threw his back to it just as it began to open. The door slammed shut and an angry shout sounded from the other side. It was only a few seconds before there was more pounding, and several other voices had joined with the first. Undoubtedly there was a hubbub being raised about the machines being turned off. Gon grinned. "Ha, I guess this is Naeva's second hospital escape."

That wrought a crooked smile from her brother, which she was extremely grateful to see. He hauled Naeva up from the bed. "Are you ready, Alluka?"

She closed her eyes and when they opened again it was Nanika who answered. "Yes, Killua."

At this point it was like viewing the scene from a spectator's seat in her own mind. The noises from behind the door were growing louder, but of course nobody was getting through.

Killua cleared his throat and looked seriously into her eyes. "Nanika, I need you to transport Alluka, Gon, Naeva, and myself to the White Tower of Tar Valon, in the world Naeva was born to."

 _I can do that!_ "Aye."

Darkness consumed her vision as if someone had turned all the light of the world off with a flicked switch.

* * *

Killua felt the immensity of Nanika's power wash over him. It was like being buffeted by gale force winds in every direction at once. The glow of her energy encompassed the hospital room and brightened until he was forced to close his eyes. _Thank you, Nanika._ He clutched Naeva tightly to himself as his equilibrium seemed to shift and heave. _She'll be okay. We'll find a channeler to Heal her. It's going to be okay._

All at once, the pressure bearing down on him vanished. Killua opened his eyes and the oxygen left his lungs in a weak wheeze. Knowing that they had been about to jump into a parallel universe was not enough to prepare him for the visual confirmation. His grip on Naeva slackened. It was a wonder that he didn't drop her. Alluka, just in front of him, wavered on her feet as she lost consciousness. Gon picked her up neatly, before she had even begun to fall.

They had landed in the middle of a wide cobblestone street. The buildings lining the street were low, some of them appearing to have been carved from one single lump of granite and others an intricate mosaic of colors so smoothly fitted together that he couldn't fathom how that might've been accomplished. People milled about in every direction, most afoot but many of them on horseback – and a few of those sneered pompously downward as they steered around their group. There were a number of horse-drawn carriages and wagons, as well.

No one appeared taken aback by their sudden and undoubtedly flashy appearance among them. Killua heard one man mutter 'bloody witches', and that man promptly caught a fist to the side of his head from a second man who'd been passing him by. He was knocked out by the blow and fell in a heap to the cobblestones. People adjusted their courses to avoid stepping on him, but nobody afforded his slumped form a second glance. The man who'd taken the swing only spat to the street and continued on his way. By the manner of dress all around, they might as well have been dropped into the center of the most committed renaissance fair in existence. Oh, there was even-

"That _smell!_ " Gon clapped a hand over his nose with a grimace.

Yeah, it was unpleasant. There was the distinct aroma of sewage in the air, and if it was so noticeable to Killua it must've been agony for Gon's acute sense of smell. It fully struck him then that they were completely out of place here. Worse, they were completely out of place here and nobody around seemed to care. He felt a sick moment of empathy for Naeva, having received an even more jarring entrance into their world.

 _This is some weird city... how do I find what I need to find?_ The city stretched on and on ahead of them. Far in the distance was a massive white wall – at least ten times as tall as the Testing Gate, he observed with distant awe – that glittered like snow in the sunlight. Killua searched the street more desperately, hoping for anyone who might be able to help – for anyone with a hint of kindness to their features. He stepped in front of one young woman in a dusty red dress. She seemed to be the least busy person in sight, walking slowly and glancing around with appreciation at the architecture.

"Excuse me. We need a channeler." Killua put a sense of urgency to his words.

Her eyebrows lifted and she looked him up and down three times before giving any response. "I am no Aes Sedai, my Lord. Go on to the Tower, eh?"

Killua restrained a scowl, but he felt a muscle in his jaw twitch. "I'm not a Lord." That just sort of came out automatically. He hurried on. "Where _is_ the Tower?"

By the amount of time she took blinking at him, he was regretting that he hadn't picked someone who looked in a hurry instead. Strangely – not that there was anything here that wasn't strange – fear flickered in her eyes. "Of course you're a Lord, my Lord." She shivered. "Papa warned me about... you aren't trying to get me into trouble, are you?" Her voice raised in pitch and volume. "Or maybe you're a brigand, eh? All dressed funny and smelling nice so I'll take you for a Lord?" She picked up her skirt and actually sprinted to get away from him. Nobody around seemed to care about that, either.

"Killua, that's it!"

He whirled around at Gon's shout and took one step only to be bumped into by a hook-nosed man who fell to his backside hard.

The man bounced up again right away, although he swayed at his own hasty movement. "Didn't bloody see ya, m'Lord." He laughed semi-deliriously. The stench of alcohol wafting from him was potent. "Yer a right'-" He cut off with a ragged gasp as his eyes slipped from Killua to Naeva. For a second or two he gawked, and then his knees buckled. When he hit the street he prostrated himself, whimpering nonsensically.

Killua had neither the time nor the patience to deal with this. He sidestepped the drunk man and followed Gon's gesture to a tower in the distance that stood so tall and sparkled so brightly that it actually put those monumental walls around the city to shame. If he hadn't been so overwhelmed with relief at finally seeing what was obviously the White Tower, his jaw might've dropped at the undeniable beauty of the structure.

They set off without any delay, transitioning to rooftops when necessary to avoid particularly crowded streets. When they got nearer to the Tower itself there was a wall separating the grounds from the city, but it was easily passed over.

A wiry looking man was startled when they touched down on the other side of that wall. He recoiled, fumbling a knife from the sheath at his belt and aiming it at them in a shaky stance. " _Light!_ Did you just jump over?" He shook his head wildly, as if dismissing his own stupid question. His grip on the knife trembled and then he just threw it to the ground. "I want no flaming trouble! I saw nothing!" He covered his face with his hands.

Killua made a frustrated noise. He glanced around the expansive grounds of the White Tower. Surrounding that brilliant landmark was an expansive network of smaller buildings – all was crafted of purest white marble here. With the sudden smell of horses and the heaping mounds of hay nearby, they'd landed in the stable yard.

Gon spoke up. "Please, our friend needs a Healing. We need to find a channeler. Can you tell us where to go?"

The man they'd spooked lowered his hands and studied them with plain skepticism for a few moments. Then he huffed and straightened himself up. "If you lot are just here for a Healing, you could've walked through the bloody gate like everyone else does!" He threw up a hand to point emphatically at the centerpiece of the grounds – the White Tower itself. "Go and petition one of the Sisters."

"We don't know how to spot a Sister," Gon urged the man further, far more patiently than he himself would've managed at present. "Would you please help us?"

With another huff, the man tugged off his hat and fretted it between his hands. He eyed them each up and down and then started stomping away. "Whatever gets you out of my stables. Just keep close. I don't think the Warders will be liking the looks of you two, carrying around limp women and jumping over our defenses like that." Killua and Gon hurried to follow. The stable worker kept on talking, voice a low grumble, "They're a mite leery at the best of times, but after that Ghealdanin boy pushed an Accepted out her window day 'fore yesterday... well, she should've known better than to be sneaking a boy around in the first, but the poor girl didn't deserve that. She was close to being raised to Sisterhood, so I heard tell. Poor thing. Anyhow, the Warders are being extra vigilant on account of losing her. Very sensitive about failure, they are."

Killua let the words flow through his brain without bothering to puzzle over them. The man set a pace just quick enough that he didn't feel like snapping at him to move faster. He hadn't expected that eliciting help would be such a pain, and he wouldn't risk losing their reluctant guide now that they'd finally found one. _If Naeva were awake, she could-_ Killua pushed aside the useless thought. It'd been twenty hours since she'd last opened her eyes. Holding her as he was, he could feel the heat of the fever burning her up. She needed to be Healed by these people or she'd die, so he kept his mouth clamped shut.

They hustled onto a white brick pathway, winding their way among the buildings and working toward the Tower. In a sea of women and girls, the few men he could see were dressed in work stained clothing like the one they followed more often than not. There were exceptions, however. Intermittently they would pass by men wearing color-shifting cloaks that blended their bodies in with the background. All of those men carried weapons and held themselves poised with vigilance, and the majority honed mistrustful stares on them. Most likely they were the aforementioned Warders, whatever that meant.

The stable worker stopped a good thirty paces short of the base of the Tower and pointed toward a visible entrance. "I don't go inside, myself. You can head on in there and find a Sister – look for the great serpent ring." He sighed, then dipped his head to them. "Light send you get the help you need, young Masters."

 _If he'd just told us about the ring to begin with..._ Killua started for the Tower and Gon was just a moment behind. His best friend called out thanks to the man. He only half heard.

They hurried through the entryway, down a tall corridor, and into a large, circular room. The marble floor was a spiral of colors. There were girls in white dresses and women in much finer ones everywhere now, and more of the men wearing camouflage. Killua made the odd observation that none of the women seemed any older than their thirties. Maybe. It was difficult to tell. There was a peculiar... ageless look to their faces. Much more importantly, well below those ageless faces each of the fine-dressed women wore a golden ring in the shape of a serpent on one of their fingers.

Gon shifted his hold on Alluka to tap one of the women on the shoulder. He offered a sunny, beseeching smile when she turned to him. "Excuse me, we came here to find someone who can Heal our-"

"Join the other petitioners, child," the woman interrupted him, then sauntered away with an irritated click of her tongue.

"Okay, but where?" Gon started after her and was impeded by a hulking man with his hand on his sword hilt. The man only glowered down at Gon in silence, and the woman never answered.

And that was it. Killua was well past done with this kind of treatment. He went to the center of the room – a white teardrop nestled in the middle of that rainbow spiral – and let loose his frustration. "What the hell is wrong with you people?" At his shout, everyone in the room turned to stare at him. That was far better than being ignored. Gon was at his back, tapping one foot on the floor and probably preparing himself for the likelihood that Killua was about to bring trouble down on their heads. "All of you women can channel, right? We just need a damn Healing!"

There was a chorus of angry mutterings. One fiery eyed woman stepped forward and planted her fists on her hips. Two of the possibly-Warders flanked her. She drew herself up regally. "Just _who_ are you, child? What in the Light gives you the gumption to think you can show such disrespect to-"

A smaller woman brushed past the first and held up a hand that brought complete silence. Her cream colored hair was immaculately done up – not one strand out of place – and her hazel eyes were honed on Naeva. For just a tiny moment he saw her gaze alight with visible shock. Then she was all cold poise and she encompassed the room with an authoritative look. "Be on about your business, Sisters. I shall handle this boy." Without even a second of delay, those who'd stopped to stare at him snapped back to whatever else they'd been doing – even the fiery eyed woman who'd been cut off mid-reprimand. The blonde woman watched the crowd a short while longer and then approached Killua, although she still wasn't looking at him. "Let me see this girl you're risking your hide for, child," she whispered. There was another of the vigilant men hovering over her shoulder.

Killua was happy enough at the prospect of finally getting what they'd come for that he didn't even care whether or not she wanted to call him a child. He took a step forward and had only just shifted Naeva when that shock returned to the woman's expression. She guarded it carefully, but it was there.

The woman finally glanced up at him. "Hand her over to my Warder and I shall take her to be Healed." Again, she was only whispering. The man behind her moved forward and reached out.

Killua took one long pace backward and glared at the both of them. He wasn't about to match the woman's soft volume, either. "Don't you just have to touch her to Heal her? That's how she always-"

"Silence yourself!" the woman hissed, then darted her eyes about. She was plainly worried about drawing attention. When no one appeared to have been disturbed, she swallowed hard and looked back at him. Her voice gentled again. "You must hand her over, and you must do so at once." By her tone, she was expecting immediate compliance after having been made to repeat herself. Well, she wasn't going to like him very much.

"We're all sticking together," Killua refused virulently. There was a prickling intuition in his mind telling him that if he let this woman take Naeva away they might never see her again. "If we need to go somewhere else, we'll all go somewhere else."

Her hazel eyes heated angrily. "You- _Light,_ child! Do you even know who you're speaking to?"

"No. And I don't care, either, so save it," Killua growled.

The Warder adjusted his grip on the hilt of his sword. It was a casual gesture, entirely belied by the fury burning in his eyes. A few people were glancing over at them now as they walked by. Gon was right by his side, uncertainty in his expression. The enmity in the atmosphere felt palpable. Most of it was radiating right off of him, probably.

"Calm yourself down." The woman almost had a pleading note in her voice. "You must calm down." Her jaw clenched for a long moment. When she put a hand on the arm of the man beside her, he eased back. "I cannot take everyone all at once. You, boy. If you are so adamant, you may keep hold of her and come along."

"My friend is very sick," Killua said. "She needs to be Healed right away. Can't you just do it here?"

"I cannot, and I cannot explain to you why." She folded her arms and fixed him with a cool stare. "I will use whatever means necessary to get her to the Healing that she needs. That includes prying her out of your arms if you waste one more second of my time."

Killua glared harder at her and she only blinked at him. _I hate this place already!_ He turned a sidelong look to Gon. The two of them would still be able to find one another if this situation were to take a turn for the worst. As long as neither of the girls was separated from them, there should be no real problem that they couldn't handle. "Gon, will you wait with Alluka? Watch over her."

Gon nodded. "Don't worry. She'll be safe."

The woman turned to the Warder and put a hand lightly on his arm again. "Hasten ahead to the Amyrlin's study." She stood on tiptoe and finished in little more than a breath, "Tell her that I've found a blackthorn sapling. Say nothing to anyone else."

The man inclined his head. "Be on your guard, Eriff." He served Killua a final look that oozed warning before doing as the woman had ordered and hastening away.

"Come along, child." The woman who'd been named Eriff started off without looking back at him.

Killua kept up with her easily, trying not to be too annoyed about her unhurried stride. They went up three flights of stairs in silence before he said anything. "Why is this such a big deal? Anyone down there could have Healed her."

Eriff halted and turned back. Two steps ahead of him, she could look him in the eye on an almost even level. She glanced around in every direction before answering his question with another question. "What is this girl's name?"

Killua hesitated. He felt as if a lot depended on how he answered that. The truth might be more risky than a lie, but then again... maybe she was testing him for honesty. She'd had her focus on Naeva from the first. "Naeva Mandragoran."

Something that'd been tightly wound within her relaxed. Eriff nodded once. "Hold her close so that no one can see her face, and do not speak that name again until we are secluded with the Amyrlin Seat." She turned about face and continued up the stairs at a quicker pace.

"Is that a person?" Killua asked, trying to gain even a tiny grasp on what was happening.

"The Amyrlin? What else would she be?" Eriff rather spat that out, making it abundantly obvious that it was a moronic question.

Killua gritted his teeth to avoid making a cutting remark of his own. Neither of them spoke again as he followed her down one corridor and the next, up yet more flights of stairs. Finally at the top of one of those marble staircases, the man Eriff had sent off came into view. He was standing at attention outside an ornate pair of white doors. They walked through those doors and through the next set without pause, into what was essentially a very pretentious looking office.

A woman with dark gray hair stood with her back to them, gazing out a spectacular stained glass window. She turned only at the sound of the doors closing. Shrewd green eyes in a vaguely middle aged face ran them over as a group and then skewered Killua straight through. The air around him solidified and he was held completely motionless. There was only enough room for him to blink and take very shallow breaths through his nose. The green eyed woman glared at Eriff. "Who is this boy, Daughter?"

At the unyielding command in the woman's voice, Eriff stiffened. "I did not ask. He claims to be her friend."

"You've been with me long enough that you should remember to ask such prudent questions before you bring someone unfamiliar into my office." She gave the scathing admonition, then heaved out a loud breath. "Are you so certain that it's El'Naeva?" Her follow-up question was no less sharp.

Eriff bowed her head. "I am certain, Mother."

Killua was broiling with anger and the only freedom he had to express it was to glare. He served the gray haired woman his most severe.

She only stared at him flatly for a moment before looking to the Warder. "Take her from him, Huroc, and lie her on the desk."

Huroc didn't hesitate. He put his hands beneath Naeva and Killua's grip was wrenched open so that he could pull her away. Their eyes met during the process and the man had the nerve to look amused. While Huroc laid Naeva upon the desk, Killua was lifted in midair and deposited into a corner of the room like a piece of furniture. As angry as he'd been before, he would've been quivering with rage now if only he could.

The woman disregarded him then to study Naeva. For just a fraction of a second, her expression softened. She put her hands on Naeva's face and then drew back again quickly – almost but not quite quickly enough to have been named a flinch. "Huroc, summon Morindi, Hannine, and Varlua. Give them no information." The Warder left them without a word and the woman looked to Eriff. "Did anyone else recognize her, Daughter?"

"I believe that we were fortunate in that regard," Eriff answered. "This boy created a scene, but I was the first to get close. I did not see any sign of strong reaction among the Sisters or the Warders."

"Malkier cannot be made aware of her until we have begun laying groundwork," the woman said lowly. "Craft the most urgent correspondence first – to the other Borderland nations, to the Lady Elysia. Better send a letter off to the Imperials, as well, but address it to the Prince. Add mention of Tower Law granting me authority over any and all initiates, regardless of past fealty. Include precedents. Have Huroc deliver the missives to the traveling grounds when he returns and then you will assist with the Healing."

Eriff left, in a hurry to be about fulfilling that list of orders. Then it was only Killua and the woman who must be the Amyrlin Seat remaining. Well, and Naeva, who was still unconscious and now shivering.

The Amyrlin Seat picked up Naeva's hand to hold. She said nothing for a while, only staring at her. Everything had been so weird that it was starting to feel unreal. There was too much tension, all of it revolving around Naeva, and he had no clue what it was about. Something was in play that he wasn't privy to. Possibly this had to do with how long she'd been gone? _If she has authority over all Tower initiates... are they going to treat her like a runaway? Is there some punishment for that?_

Finally the woman set Naeva's hand down and turned her shrewd focus on Killua. "What is your name, child?"

He was partially freed from those invisible restraints – one tight cord still wrapped around his middle to hold him firmly in place. "Killua Zoldyck."

The woman clasped her hands behind her back to regard him with a measuring once over. "You don't seem impressed at all to find yourself in the presence of the Amyrlin Seat. I've had Kings kneel to me on this very rug, a number of them visibly quaking."

"I couldn't care less who you are," Killua said. "You're going to Heal my friend, and-" He bit down on the rest of that. _And then we're all getting the hell out of this Tower and away from these lunatics._ If he gave in to anger and spoke without filtering himself, there could be consequences. He didn't much feel like being entirely immobilized again, for one.

The Amyrlin tilted her head. "Perhaps you don't care." She took two small steps nearer to him. "And perhaps you don't understand. No one has dared speak to me so impetuously in decades. You are not even addressing me as proper custom dictates. You must call me Mother, Killua. Now tell me, where are you from?"

His eyes darkened, pouring out as much of his rage as he thought he could safely get away with. _It isn't as if I can make something up. I don't know_ any _kind of place in this world except the one I'm standing in right now. Not to mention that she's obviously clever. I could say nothing, but..._ His gaze flicked to Naeva and back at the woman. _Better to play as nice as possible._ Killua blanked his expression to match hers. "I'm from a different world."

"A Mirror World?" The Amyrlin wasn't even surprised. "That would explain much."

"My sister and my friend are waiting below. They should be allowed up here with me." Killua expended some effort to make that sound mild, a polite request.

"More friends of El'Naeva's?" the Amyrlin inquired, and when he nodded she sighed. "Once she has been Healed, I shall send for them."

Killua relaxed somewhat at hearing those words. "Naeva's going to be okay, right? She was dying... nothing else worked, that's why we brought her here."

"She will live. I can make you no promises beyond that." There was the noise of movement in the next room, and the Amyrlin increased the intensity of her gaze. "Not one single peep out of you until the Healing is done, or I will have you bound, blinded, and deafened in a heartbeat."

Killua managed to keep his calm expression from faltering, but the grave sincerity in that threat chilled him.


	6. Reluctant Revelations

Alluka felt an insistent pressure on her cheek. That was weird.

"-luka! C'mon, wake up if you can."

 _I know that voice._ It took an unusual amount of effort to open her eyelids. _Why do I feel so heavy?_

Gon's face was hovering just above her own, his hand patting her cheek to wake her. As she stared up at him, he smiled in a way that had her heart speeding up. "Thank goodness. It worked, Alluka! We made it! We're really, y'know, _here._ "

Remembrance came back to her slowly and she forced herself to be more alert. Gon was holding her to his chest with an arm across her back and beneath her knees. Her face flushed and she wriggled free hurriedly. Once on her own feet, Alluka surveyed her surroundings. _This place... this is really the White Tower?_

They stood in the center of a massive room with curved, elegant marble walls. People – almost all women – passed busily around them. Alluka stared all around, searching for her brother. "Where's Onii-chan? And Naeva?" Worry made her voice higher than it should have been.

Gon smiled again, but he looked worried, too. "You were fast asleep for a half hour or so. We appeared in the middle of some city, so we're really lucky that this White Tower is well named. When we made it inside nobody even looked at us twice, but then Killua started shouting and we drew a _lot_ of attention. That got one of the women to come over and talk to us, and she agreed to Heal Naeva. She wanted to just take her, but Killua refused to let her out of his sight. That leaves... well, that just leaves the two of us, stuck here waiting and being ignored by everyone." He stared in puzzlement at the passers by.

Alluka absorbed all of that and a wide smile broke across her face. "We did it! Gon-kun, we really did it!" She threw her arms around him, needing to share some of her sudden exuberance. He returned the hug with equal enthusiasm. "Oh, I'm so glad." _Even if it means I'm right back to waiting. Thank you, Nanika._ Her other half couldn't hear her, but she repeated the thanks over and over again anyway. Nanika would sleep now for weeks after the energy expended to bring them all here.

"Might I know what your business here is?"

Alluka pulled away from Gon and whirled to face the stare of a very tall, very blonde woman in a richly embroidered green dress.

"We're just waiting for our friend," Gon said cheerily. "She needed to be Healed."

The woman arched one eyebrow. "Is that so? Well, I would recommend that you adjourn your waiting to a more appropriate loca-"

"Pardon me, Favriella-Sedai. Please pardon me for the interruption." The squeaky voiced newcomer to the conversation was addressing the tall woman. She looked barely older than Alluka herself. Her dress was plain white and she curtsied repeatedly as she spoke.

"Yes, child?" The woman named Favriella had a clip of impatience in her tone, but it didn't show on her smooth face.

The girl curtsied yet again. "I was sent by the Amyrlin Seat to collect these two and bring them to her. If you will please excuse us, Favriella-Sedai."

Favriella sniffed, but otherwise displayed no real reaction. "I see. You had best hurry them along then, Branna." She glanced over the two of them again with just a glimmer of curiosity. "The Amyrlin Seat is not to be kept waiting." With that said, the woman turned to glide away.

The girl – Branna – addressed them just as nervously as she had Favriella. "Follow me, please," she squeaked, then picked the hem of her long skirt up an inch so she could set a rapid pace. If she'd been going any faster at all it would have been an outright jog.

Alluka exchanged a look with Gon, and then they hurried after her out of the large room. Branna led them down a corridor that ended with a tall flight of stairs to climb, then down another that ended in more stairs. By the fourth repetition of this Alluka was beginning to feel breathless.

Gon – not breathless at all – jogged ahead a couple of steps to ask Branna a question. "Is our friend okay?"

The girl frowned at him. "I wouldn't know." She kept lowering her eyes like she was afraid to look at anything but the floor.

Alluka quickened her steps and came up on the girl's other side. "What's an Amyrlin Seat?"

Branna's jaw dropped and she stumbled over her own feet. Gon caught her by the elbow so she wouldn't fall. She mumbled thanks, then pulled from his grasp and continued forward into a new corridor. Now she was definitely jogging.

"I thought _everyone_ knew who the Amyrlin Seat is." Branna peered over her shoulder to give the both of them a quick, awestruck look before going on, "She's our leader, and an authority around the entire world! Well, maybe not certain places, but still! She has greater power than most Kings and Queens!" Branna shook her head and made an abrupt left turn that led them to the tallest staircase she had seen yet. "Quickly now, please. We have to be quick. The Amyrlin's never even looked at me before. She addressed me directly – _me!_ – and I thought I was going to swallow my tongue. So we have to be quick."

Alluka started to lose pace about halfway up. Gon noticed and took her by the hand to help her. This time when they made it to the top they were not greeted by another wide corridor. Instead she was treated to the most ornate room she'd seen yet, even if it was smaller than the rest and clearly designed to be something of a waiting room. There were long marble benches along the wall opposite a set of beautifully engraved ivory doors. Massive oil portraits and woven tapestries – all depicting women – draped the walls. The floor tiles were a dizzying pattern of vibrant colors.

Branna scurried over to the door and knocked three times. It only opened a crack, and whatever was said to her she simply nodded at and the door closed again. The girl turned back to them to curtsy. "You'll be called inside when the Amyrlin is ready to see you." She brushed past them, visibly relieved of her great burden of getting them here. At the top of the stairs, however, Branna paused before descending. She spun back with a piece of advice. "Oh, and if you don't know... you must call the Amyrlin Seat Mother. Yes, Mother, no, Mother, that sort of thing." She picked the hem of her skirt up to run down the stairs even faster than she'd gone up them.

Alluka stared after her awhile. "...Mother?"

The doors opened wide and Alluka jumped, then promptly blushed and shifted herself closer to Gon. Three women sauntered out, each of them wearing a dress at _least_ as fancy as the woman Favriella. They took turns staring at them with cool indifference, but apparently couldn't be bothered to say anything before trouping after one another down the stairs. As there didn't seem anything else to do, Alluka and Gon settled down beside one another on a marble bench to wait. It felt like such a long time that she slumped against him after a few minutes, dropping her face to his shoulder and closing her eyes. _Naeva must be okay. Onii-chan is with her._

A sudden crack pierced the quiet and Alluka jumped again. Another woman was standing in the doorway, this one with a tall staff in her hand that she'd apparently just smacked down onto the floor tiles. She was short, with cream colored hair and a tight lipped expression on a face that Alluka could not put an age to. A sort of scarf with a long green fringe was draped across her shoulders. "The Amyrlin Seat will see you now."

As they approached the door, Gon's eyes widened. "Oh! You're the one who led Killua away."

Without responding, the woman turned about face. She led them into the room and to the doors on the opposite side. There, the woman halted to fix them each with a flat look. "What are your names?"

Alluka bit down on an anxious giggle. "Oh, I'm Alluka Zoldyck."

"And I'm Gon." His more casual answer earned a critical glance from the short woman.

" _Just_ Gon?" she asked dubiously.

Some color rose to Gon's cheeks. "Well, no. Gon Freecs."

The woman turned about to throw the second set of doors open. "Mother, please allow me to present to you Gon Freecs and Alluka Zoldyck." She rapped her staff on the floor again before prodding them both forward so that she could close the doors behind them.

"Thank you, Eriff-Sedai." That flinty voice came from the first older looking woman Alluka had seen in this place. Her face was hard and just lightly lined. Older she might be, but it still was difficult to judge her age with more confidence than to say she was somewhere around fifty... maybe give or take fifteen years in either direction. Atop her grey hair was a net of gold chains from which dangled over a dozen tiny charms. Her green eyes were narrowed, glinting at them. If Alluka had found any of the other women intimidating before, she was forced to reevaluate her understanding of the word while those eyes honed in on her callously. _This must be the Amyrlin Seat._

Alluka dropped a low and too-awkward bow, feeling in the weight of that emerald stare that it was expected. She tugged on Gon's wrist and he quickly bowed beside her.

The old woman nodded to them and stood from behind her massive hardwood desk.

Eriff held her staff up. "You are in the presence of Cadsuane Melaidhrin, The Flame of Tar Valon, the Amyrlin Seat!" she proclaimed, voice weighted with tradition, then stepped back to her place along the wall.

It was only at that point that Alluka spotted her brother. "Onii-chan!" she cried out happily – forgetting any thought of manners – and ran to throw herself at him. Killua caught her in an embrace, as he always did. He breathed a sigh of relief as he hugged her. Alluka dropped back to her feet with an anxious frown. "So, is Naeva...?"

Killua offered a strained smile. He looked like he hadn't had an easy go of it while they'd been separated. "She's been Healed, and she's sleeping now." He pointed an accusatory finger and a glare at the Amyrlin Seat. "That one had her taken away afterward." He jumped, eyes flying wide, and put a hand to his backside. "You _pinched_ me!"

The Amyrlin met his accusation with only the slightest raising of her eyebrows. "You may excuse us, Eriff-Sedai." That was all she said, and the other woman glided from the room. Eriff paused only long enough to skewer Killua with an unforgiving glare before closing the doors again.

"Phaw! You deserved it, boy," Cadsuane grumbled, all pretense of formality gone from her tone. "And I'll do it again if you continue to display such poor manners. Even if you do not know our customs, I assume you cannot be such a savage that no one ever taught you to mind your elders."

Killua drew himself up and she could see the responding light in his eyes that spoke of defiance. "You can _bite_ me, old woma-" His body froze, mouth still open on the last unfinished word. Only his eyes moved, goggling furiously.

The Amyrlin snorted. "You ought save such fire for when it can be of use. I could turn you upside down and paddle you like a child fresh out of swaddling right now – and I find myself sorely tempted."

Alluka hurried to place herself in front of her brother and stretched her arms out at her sides. "Please let him go, Mother." She swallowed down her anxiety as that shrewd gaze focused on her.

Gon stepped up beside her with a charming smile. "Killua really doesn't mean any harm, Mother."

After a long, considerate look, the Amyrlin merely rolled her shoulders.

Alluka glanced behind to confirm that Killua could move again. He had one hand raised and was rubbing at his jaw, expression dark.

"Why," Killua started in a carefully even voice, "did you hide her away?" His question was met with silence and he went on in a sulky grumble, "Do I seriously have to call you Mother?"

The Amyrlin nodded with satisfaction. She spoke to Killua like one might at a puppy that they were trying to teach a new command. "You do if you expect me to give you any answers. El'Naeva is safe in my private quarters where I know no one will disturb her. I have 'hidden her away' because I aim to control the consequences of her sudden reappearance."

Alluka opened her mouth to ask what she meant by that and the Amyrlin lifted her palm in a gesture for silence.

"I last saw El'Naeva four years ago, and after the attack on Seven Towers I was informed that she had died," Cadsuane said briskly. "Now I have been made aware that she has been alive and in a Mirror World – your world. There are a great many questions I am keen to ask of you. It is in your best interests to give me the information I require without any resistance, children."

Gon firmed his posture. "If we answer your questions, Mother, what happens then? Are you going to let us take Naeva back home?"

Alluka bit down on her lip. The idea that her best friend might be forced to stay here had never even occurred to her. _Is this the type of place that would do something like that?_

The Amyrlin shook her head and the golden baubles dangling from her coiffed hair swung with the motion. "I must say that I'm impressed El'Naeva managed to find friends as mulish as she is." She set her eyes on Gon. "El'Naeva is an Accepted of the White Tower and my authority over her is incontestable. That said, I would not attempt forcing her to remain anywhere she does not wish to be. I can, and mayhap I should, but I would not. I suppose that I have grown soft in my old age."

 _She must have been terrifying when she was younger._ Alluka released a long, relieved breath.

Cadsuane pressed her lips into a grim line before continuing, "That is not the guarantee you might think it is, child." She put two fingers to each of her temples and rubbed small circles with a grimace. "You four made quite the extravagant entrance in Tar Valon today. There are rumors running rampant in my city, and if anyone at all recognized El'Naeva before you brought her to me there will be additional problems that are not within my power to sweep beneath the rug."

Killua's eyebrows lowered. "What kind of problems? Is she in trouble?" There was another terse silence before he added, "Mother."

The Amyrlin barked an unamused laugh. "El'Naeva has had trouble chasing after her from the day she was born."

Alluka frowned. "Mother, why do you call her _El_ Naeva?"

For a long while Cadsuane was silent, looking at each of them in turn with cold scrutiny. "It occurs to me that perhaps it is not my place to give you the answer to that. When El'Naeva wakes, you may direct that question to her."

Alluka felt herself brightening at the implication. She brushed aside the strangeness of the rest of it. "Do you mean you're going to let us see her?"

The Amyrlin huffed loudly. "If I don't, I expect El'Naeva will be raising her own fuss when she wakes up." She walked toward the wall and ran her hand over it. A well-concealed panel shifted open. Killua was the only one to not express surprise at that. He stowed his hands in his pockets casually. Cadsuane waved a beckoning gesture. "Come along now, children." She strode through and the three of them followed.

The entry to the next room was just tall enough for Alluka, and both Killua and Gon had to duck to avoid hitting their heads. There was a bedroom on the other side, large but sparsely furnished. In the center of the room was a massive four post bed, beside which sat a grizzled looking man in an armchair. He had his gray hair cropped short and he wore an odd cloak that was constantly shifting color and blending into the background. It had the effect of making him look like a disembodied head hovering over the chair. Alluka shifted her focus when staring at that cloak made her feel sick to her stomach. Resting on the bed was Naeva.

The man stood up only to kneel before them.

"Thank you, Huroc. You may return to the Keeper now." Cadsuane barked her dismissal. The man rose and bowed to her before leaving as she had instructed. Killua glared at him the entire time, which the Amyrlin noticed and seemed to find entertaining.

Alluka approached the bed. "May I sit with her, Mother?" She asked, and waited for the brusque nod before clambering up onto the bed beside her friend. Naeva had her healthy color back and was breathing easily. Alluka picked up her hand and held it between her own with a smile.

Killua sat in the chair the man had vacated and looked considerably more calm than he had since returning from the Yverris trip.

"Can we do anything to thank you, Mother? We're all really glad that Naeva's going to be okay." Gon beamed a smile.

The Amyrlin responded dryly, "I was about to say the same thing to you lot, more or less."

"Alluka-chan?"

She whipped her head around to stare at Naeva, who had opened her eyes and was regarding the ceiling with suspicion. "What...? Where are-" Her words cut off as her gaze roved around the room and found the Amyrlin Seat. "Cadsuane!" She emitted a small shriek, very un-Naeva-like, and sat upright in a hurry. "Blood and _bloody_ ashes!"

For the first time, Cadsuane smiled. "That is unbecoming language, child."

Naeva stared around the room again. She seemed at a complete loss for words.

Killua sat forward a bit, expression grim. "Channeling Sickness, remember? There was nowhere else we could take you to be Healed. I tried the hospital first."

"Ah, yes, I-" Naeva choked on her words and her hand tightened around Alluka's like she was holding a lifeline. "But Yverris- the Palace..."

Killua stood and leaned over the bed so that he could drop his voice to the lowest of whispers. Had Alluka not been right beside the two of them she wouldn't have heard a single word. "You really should rest for right now," he said. "We can talk about it later, okay?"

Naeva frowned. Her attention flickered back to the Amyrlin, briefly, and then she smoothed her expression. She nodded up at Killua and he relaxed as he flopped back into the bedside chair.

"How many already know that I have returned, Mother?" Naeva asked.

The Amyrlin crossed her arms. "There is no way yet to be sure. Your friends carried you here from the city proper and any number of people could have gotten a glimpse of your face. You're even more identifiable now that you've grown. It is fortunate, at least, that you don't wear your hair in a braid." When Naeva winced slightly at that, Cadsuane paused before going on, "The Keeper was the first to recognize you from within the Tower and she brought you directly to me. I suppose most of the Sisters do not look overly close at the sick and the petitioners."

Naeva's eyebrows shot up with incredulity. "Did you Heal me yourself?"

Cadsuane shook her head. "I was linked with four others, the first of whom was my new Keeper, Eriff-Sedai. There was also one Blue and one Green – strong, but new to the shawl. Neither ever met your mother or yourself personally. The fourth was Morindi-Sedai. She recognized you without doubt, but her expertise was necessary. It was Morindi-Sedai I trusted to lead the circle, and I also believe she can be trusted to keep her lips sealed for the time being."

"Thank you, Mother." Naeva inclined her head respectfully.

There was a single knock from the other side of the hidden panel in the wall before it opened to reveal Eriff. She curtsied lowly to the Amyrlin and again to Naeva. "There has arisen an issue that demands to be addressed, Mother."

The Amyrlin's expression flickered with distaste. "I presume this is related to El'Naeva?"

"Yes, Mother. The M'Hael is waiting in my antechamber." Eriff frowned quite severely. "He insists that he must have audience with you at once. He actually insists."

Cadsuane was visibly riled. "I could almost think that man has better spies than I do." She held one finger up in the air. "Logain will have to be mollified, but he will get nothing from us – _nothing_ , mind – if I discover he has shared whatever he thinks he knows with anyone else."

Naeva let go of Alluka's hand and slid herself over to the edge of the bed. Killua eyed her sharply like he was debating pushing her right back down again, but she only spared him a sweet smile before hopping up. "If I may interject, Mother." She bowed to the Amyrlin. "I have great respect for the M'Hael and I do not wish to see him turned away. There are few people here whom I trust without question, and he is one of them."

The Amyrlin swiveled a chastising glare to her. "I know that, child," she snapped. "You would do well to remember that Al'Deval trusts him as wholly as you do. I'd say we have no more than a flimsy hope that Logain has not already sent word to Seven Towers. Light knows I don't enjoy butting heads with the Al'Cairi court." She turned to follow the Keeper out of the bedroom.

"Cadsu- Mother, please wait just a moment!" Naeva started forward with such haste that Alluka had to put out a hand to stabilize her when she wobbled.

The Amyrlin glanced back over her shoulder. "What is it?"

Naeva straightened herself up pridefully. "I wish to be tested today – as soon as can be arranged for."

Eriff's jaw dropped and she nearly lost hold of her staff when her grip slackened. "El'Naeva! Have you forgotten your place? That is _not_ your deci-"

Cadsuane held up a hand to cut off the other woman mid-sentence. She turned to regard Naeva with a more appraising look. "You have precious little Tower training, and could not pass the testing without dedicated preparation beforehand."

Naeva only returned her hard stare, unrelenting. "My mother taught me the hundred weaves."

Irritation flashed within the Amyrlin's eyes. "Of course she did. I should not even be surprised." Her voice took on some bitterness. "Today it shall be, then."

Eriff balked, but did not argue again. When the Amyrlin Seat vanished from the room, she followed with only one last wondering glance at Naeva.

As soon as the panel was closed, leaving the four of them alone in the bedroom, Naeva relaxed. She leaned against one of the corner bed posts. "Thank you, everyone. I might have caused a terrible amount of damage if you had not brought me to the Aes Sedai."

Alluka offered her a smile. "Nanika was as worried about you as we all were."

Gon gave Naeva a more curious look. "What's this test you have to take? Why's it so important to you?"

"Passing the test will earn me the title of Aes Sedai. While we are all stuck here, that title will help to make certain situations easier." A bit nervously, Naeva looked to Alluka. "Do we know how long it might be before Nanika wakes up again?"

Alluka tilted her head and considered that carefully. "Probably about six weeks." Her best friend frowned. An earlier thought returned to her and Alluka put a hand on Naeva's arm. "By the way, why does the Amyrlin call you _El_ Naeva? She told me that I needed to ask you."

Naeva's expression went blank at the question and she took a long time before answering. "It is my title," she said miserably. "As I am sister to the King of Malkier."

That confession was met with a stunned silence. When at last Alluka felt able to drag a few words up, her voice was awestruck. "Your brother is a King? But, Naeva-chan, does that mean you're a _princess?_ "

"Unfortunately, yes." Naeva managed a weak laugh.

Killua dropped his head to his hands. "That explains so much."

"That..." A crease appeared between Gon's eyebrows as he mulled over the reveal. "That feels like a pretty big thing to have kept secret from us for so long."

Alluka frowned. _I can't believe she never even told me. No... no, it makes sense. She doesn't ever bring up her past on her own and I've always just let it be._ "Why did you keep that a secret?"

Naeva wilted. "It was not my intention to be deceitful, I only- it was so nice to be a common girl. I never knew what that was like before meeting you. Once the blasted title was left behind in this world, I wished only that it might remain there. Please, say you can forgive me."

Alluka squeezed on Naeva's hand and mustered a warm smile. "I do forgive you." _She's just a secretive person. Really, I guess I knew that from the first day we met. It's not like I know her less just because I don't know all of her history. I'll probably get the accidental opportunity now to find out all about that, anyway._ "All of this is... it's honestly pretty crazy. Being here for even just six weeks is going to be complicated, isn't it?"

Naeva's answer was glum. "Most likely, but I will do what I can."

Gon took a small step nearer to give Naeva a solemn look. "You do know that we wouldn't have judged you if you'd told us before, right?" He smiled. "It's okay, Naeva. I mean, you're still just you."

That earned him a smile from her in return. "I know that _now._ In those early days I was paranoid of most everything, but especially that I might fumble my first chance to make friends. After that, it seemed quite an awkward subject to broach."

" _Awkward?_ " Killua echoed the single word with vehemence and they all looked over at him as his head snapped up. "I'm pretty frustrated about all of this right now, Naeva."

 _Oh, great. The last thing we need is for those two to start yelling at each other._ Alluka hurried to diffuse her brother. "Onii-chan, it isn't such a big deal. She-"

Naeva interrupted her. "You have reason to be frustrated, Killua."

Her brother stood from the chair, even more angry. He managed to control his volume, but only just. "Yeah, I do. I told you what I used to be, and that's a thousand times worse! Awkward is the _least_ of what I feel bringing all that up, but I did it anyway!"

"You are braver than I am." Naeva slumped, and dropped her eyes to the floor. "I am sorry, alright? I am truly sorry."

Regret flashed in Killua's eyes. He opened his mouth to say something, but never got the chance to. They were interrupted by bellowed fury from behind the wall to the Amyrlin's office.

"You have no right to keep this truth to yourself, Cadsuane! I will-"

A loud crack echoed, followed by the Amyrlin's own raised voice. "You will show respect for the office of the Amyrlin Seat! You will show respect for me so long as your boots are planted in _my_ Tower, Logain!"

After that outburst, there was quiet again.

Naeva looked to the hidden panel in the wall and straightened her posture.

Mere seconds later the panel swung open and a tall, brunette man dressed all in black ducked through. He froze entirely when he saw Naeva, the blood draining from his face to leave him ashen.

Naeva walked toward him. "Logain, it is-"

"El'Naeva." Logain bent in a bow, one hand on the hilt of a curved saber.

Naeva turned rapidly crimson and tapped the man on his shoulder. "M'Hael, there is no call for this."

He stood upright, stark remorse etched onto his features. "I was told that you were dead. If only I had kept searching-"

"You would never have found me," Naeva cut him off gently. She hesitated before asking, "Have you spoken to Al'Deval or his council about me?"

Logain's thick eyebrows lowered. "The Amyrlin asked as much. As I told her, I would not have troubled Malkier with only secondhand rumor. The word, as it was passed to me, was that a drunken Saldean had been bragging about a spiritual vision of El'Nynaeve appearing before him in a flash of Light." His voice softened, then. "You truly are the very image of her."

Cadsuane reentered the room and Logain bent his neck slightly to her, but the politeness of the gesture did not extend to his face. She disregarded him to focus intently on Naeva. "I have been informed that rumors of you will reach the ears of Moiraine-Sedai soon. You must come with me now, without hesitation and without question."

Naeva put a hand on Alluka's shoulder and whispered into her ear, "This will be the testing. Do not fret, for I shall return shortly."

The Amyrlin flicked her imperious gaze over the rest of them. "As this is a most inappropriate place for you to congregate, I have asked Huroc to lead you somewhere more comfortable. You will be notified when El'Naeva's test has ended."

Logain shrugged his broad shoulders. "That will suffice for now, Mother."

Cadsuane didn't even look at him. "Surely you would prefer to return to your duties at the Black Tower, M'Hael."

Logain laughed, but the sound was humorless. "It is not your place to worry about my duties. I shall remain until I have had opportunity to converse with El'Naeva."

The Amyrlin's lips curved down with displeasure. "As you wish." She gestured to the exit. "Regardless, it is time for you all to be out of my quarters."

Everyone save Logain hustled toward the open panel at the snap of command in her tone. He was the last to go, defiant in his nonchalance. They were ushered by the Amyrlin and Eriff back out into the waiting room where the grizzled man who had been by Naeva's bedside was waiting. _Huroc. I should remember his name._ When Killua automatically glowered at the man again, Alluka wondered whether there had been some altercation between the two that she'd missed.

Eriff went to Huroc and said something in a voice too low to be heard. His expression never shifted in the slightest, the wrinkled lines of his face set like carved stone.

The Amyrlin and the Keeper then turned in the opposite direction from the stairwell and flanked Naeva. The three of them went toward the blank wall and Alluka was musing on whether or not there was another secret passage to be found there when Huroc stepped to block her line of sight.

"M'Hael, you may do as you wish. The rest of you are to follow me." Huroc ground out the words in a voice as crusty as his appearance.

Logain's lips quirked into a confident smirk that, oddly enough, reminded Alluka of her brother. "I wish to follow along, as well. Do lead the way, Huroc."

The gray haired man bowed low to Logain and then stomped toward the stairs without a backward glance. Killua held her hand as they all trailed after him and Alluka was grateful for the comfort. When she dared a peek back over her shoulder before descending, the room behind was empty.


	7. A Test of Patience and More

Alluka held tight to Killua's hand as they followed where the man, Huroc, led them. She felt a little dispirited and was trying to rise above that. Naeva's sickness had been Healed and for that she felt so thankful, but it sure would have been nice to spend more than a few minutes with her before they were all herded off elsewhere.

"So," Gon said as they wound their way down the staircase, "what's this test like?"

"That is not for you to know," Huroc answered dully.

Killua frowned at the man's back. "Is it dangerous?"

"That is not for you to know," he repeated.

Logain chuckled. "The White Tower thrives on its secrecy." He spat the words with disdain and ignored the way Huroc's posture went rigid. "The specifics of the test are known only to the Sisters who have passed through it." A thick quiet fell upon their group as they reached the bottom of the staircase and continued on through an empty hall. A few seconds later, he added more quietly, "It is grudgingly acknowledged, however, that several women have lost their lives during the testing."

"This test gets people killed?" Gon asked in surprise.

Simultaneously, Killua halted mid-step. "But we brought her here to be Healed! That's unacceptable!"

Alluka put a hand to her chest, trying to summon calming thoughts. _Naeva-chan will be alright. A little test can't hurt her._

Huroc pulled a door open further down the hallway before turning back to them. "You are free to continue this conversation, but you will do so in here."

Logain looked to Killua. "I agree with you, the risk is unacceptable." He continued on toward the door that Huroc held ajar. "If you will come along cooperatively, boy, we can talk at length."

Killua's hand tightened around hers and he didn't budge. "Don't call me _'boy'_. My name is Killua, and you can damn well use it."

Logain turned back, startled. "How old are you?"

Killua seemed to be grinding his teeth. "Seventeen."

"Ah, the bravery of youth," Logain remarked, almost lightheartedly. "I meant no insult, Killua. I am an old soul and I have been known to speak carelessly from time to time." He smiled, the kindness in the expression illuminating for the first time – to Alluka's eyes, anyway – that he was really a handsome man.

A small amount of her brother's plain irritation alleviated and they all walked together into what was a very posh parlor. Huroc issued a warning that he would be guarding outside the door before he shut them in.

Gon frowned at Killua when he continued to glare daggers at the door as if he could pierce through it to the man on the other side. "Did that guy do something to you?"

Killua averted his glare quickly. "The old woman held me still with air so that he could pull Naeva away."

Logain settled himself into an armchair that immediately looked more regal with him sitting in it. He rested his chin lightly on the back of one hand. "Cadsuane's methods have always been more vinegar than honey. It really is not Huroc's fault, you know. He is as loyal a Warder as they come."

Gon ambled to the couch. His amber eyes were bright with curiosity. "What does that mean? What exactly is a Warder?"

When it didn't seem that Killua wanted to move yet, Alluka gently disentangled her hand from his to go and sit on the couch beside Gon.

Logain was obviously surprised by the question, and it took a while for him to form any kind of reply. "How is it that you have never heard of Warders?" When no one gave an answer, he shook his head. "A Warder is a proven warrior who has been bonded to an Aes Sedai. They receive many gifts – a longer lifespan, superior strength, reflexes, and endurance just to name a few. A Warder can sense the location and well-being of his Aes Sedai at all times, just as she can sense him. They protect one another to the very last breath. Huroc is Warder to the Keeper of the Chronicles herself, Eriff-Sedai."

Gon's eyes had rounded. "That's incredible."

"Incredibly irrelevant." Killua scoffed. "This place makes me feel sick."

Logain smiled thinly at him. "We are in agreement on that, as well. Will you not sit down and be at ease, Killua?"

Killua huffed, but he did shuffle to the couch and take a seat on her other side. Alluka offered him a smile, hoping he might allow himself to mellow down.

"Thank you." Logain inclined his head. "I believe we ought be more formally introduced. I am Logain Ablar, the M'Hael of the Black Tower." They took turns introducing themselves – except for Killua who already had, more or less. Then the M'Hael swept a critical gaze over each of them. "Where are you from?"

The boys shifted uncomfortably, but Alluka saw no reason not to answer. "A different world."

There was a considerable pause before Logain nodded. "I see."

"How long is this test going to take?" Killua asked right away.

"I wish that I could say," Logain answered with a shrug, "but I cannot."

Alluka patted a hand over her brother's knee. "Naeva will be fine. I'm sure that she knows what she's doing."

Gon nodded. "She looked pretty confident."

Killua drew a deep breath and exhaled some of his tension away. "Sure, but when isn't Naeva confident? That's not the best barometer for judging the danger of a situation."

Logain's gaze became more curious. "How long have you all known El'Naeva?"

Gon was the one to answer him this time. "She popped up in our world... I guess it was a little over three years ago, now. Killua and another friend, Kurapika, rescued her from that woman – Moghedien."

"Moghedien." Logain's expression darkened and his fingertips dug into the armrests. "Despicable flaming Forsaken spider." His words were slurred together with loathing.

"She's dead, now," Killua put in flatly, staring at the door with a bored expression.

Gon and Alluka shot him identical looks of shock. _He didn't mention that before... what on earth happened in Yverris?_

"Well, that is _something_." Logain clasped his hands together tightly in his lap and still, they shook. "I always meant it to be me..." His whisper, hoarse with emotion, ended in only a grimace.

"Why is it that Naeva trusts you so much?" Killua's question broke the tense quiet.

The M'Hael blinked a few times, and then he smiled. "I was not aware that she does, but it warms my heart. We have a long history. I was present on her naming day, on the day she was sworn _Dai'shan_ Malkier. Her mother saved my life twice over." He looked away from them, seeming to go a bit distant. "El'Nynaeve was a great woman. The least that I can do for her memory is to protect the children she so loved."

Killua was watching Logain with a new measure of consideration in his gaze.

"What's the Black Tower?" Gon asked. "We only saw this one when we got here."

Logain answered that with distinct dryness. "The Black Tower is far from Tar Valon and its Aes Sedai, thank the Light. Women who can channel come here to be taught, just as men go to the Black Tower. The Amyrlin presides over all Aes Sedai while I have authority over their male counterparts, the Asha'man. My title, M'Hael, means High Leader in the Old Tongue."

A polite knock sounded on the door to the room and when it opened two women bustled in. One carried a tray laden with food and refreshments and placed it on the table before bobbing a quick curtsy and leaving again without a word. The other was a round faced woman in her middle years with a shock of curly red hair. She curtsied deeply to Logain and then again to the three of them. "Young Lords, my Lady, if you would please allow me but a moment of your time." She fished within the pockets of her apron and withdrew a cloth measuring tape. "The Amyrlin Seat has commissioned me to provide you with fine new clothes."

Alluka stared down at herself. It hadn't even occurred to her that she had nothing else to wear save what was on her back.

Killua spent a second mussing up his hair. He fastened a rebellious glare on the woman. "I'm not a Lord, and I don't want any new clothes from the Amyrlin Seat."

"You will get them nonetheless, my Lord." Her eyes had bulged. Maybe she couldn't take the thought that the Amyrlin's orders might not be fulfilled.

Killua scanned a skeptical gaze over Logain's stiff and high collared black coat and down to his shining black boots. "What kind of clothes?"

The woman served him a strict look that conveyed her displeasure at having to tolerating his argumentativeness. "If you have preference in colors I can take that into consideration, but the Amyrlin's order was very specific. You are each to have a fine wardrobe as befits the highest of nobility, worthy of audience in any royal court." Her smile turned wistful, like that was an enchanting thought to her.

When the woman extended her hand to Alluka, she obligingly stood up. The seamstress worked swiftly with her measurements and it was hardly any time at all before Alluka could take her seat again.

Gon went next, happy to inform her that he had a fondness for the color green. The woman favored him with a warm smile when she was done and he thanked her. Finally it was Killua's turn, and he stood up in silence after losing a long, reluctant stare down. His cheeks went pink as she ran the measuring tape along him.

"There we are. Was that really so painful, my Lord?" The stern woman beamed in approval.

Killua kept his gaze deliberately on the wall and didn't offer thanks as Gon had done.

The woman's smile slipped away. "I think you will look your best in thread of silver to match your hair, my Lord. And frills of lace, of course, to compliment that pretty face." She turned smoothly away from his flabbergasted look. With her mission accomplished, she left them.

A heavy atmosphere descended over the room. Killua stood and went to one of the tall windows to stare outside.

Gon sighed. He glanced down at the silver tray on the table. "Are you hungry, Alluka?"

"Yeah, actually." She realized it'd been quite a while since she'd bothered eating anything at all.

Gon grinned. "Me, too." He lifted two items from the tray – they looked like fat pastries of some sort – and passed one over to her. Gon took a bite first and chewed appreciatively. "Y'know, Killua, you would like these."

Her brother only muttered that he wasn't hungry. Alluka ate the pastry in her hands without really tasting it. She knew it upset Killua that he had so little control over the present situation. The idea that they'd brought Naeva here to be Healed by people who were now putting her through a potentially fatal test was nerve wracking – unacceptable, as her brother had put it.

Logain flipped four porcelain tea cups upright and filled each of them with gold colored liquid from a steaming pot. Alluka gratefully accepted the cup he handed her and washed down her final bite of pastry with the herbal tea.

After another painfully long silence, there was the sound of light footfalls from the hallway outside. Killua and Gon heard long before she did, turning their faces expectantly. _Could it really have been that quick? Oh, I hope she's done!_

When the door opened it was not Huroc to step in as Alluka had expected, and also not Naeva as she had hoped. The woman who glided across the woven rug toward them was possibly the most beautiful woman Alluka had ever seen. Her espresso colored hair was elaborately curled and piled atop the crown of her head, the updo embellished with a lovely silver comb. A fine chain dangled a tear drop blue jewel in the center of her forehead. Her eyes were large and dark and so undeniably wise that it seemed they didn't belong in such a smooth, youthful face. She was delicate and petite – just an inch or two taller than Naeva, probably.

Logain rose from his seat and inclined his head to her. "Moiraine-Sedai, it is good to see you."

"I return that sentiment, M'Hael." The woman spoke in a high, lilting cadence not unlike Naeva's. She curtsied deeply to the M'Hael. "Your presence here is most telling. Is it true, then?"

Logain merely nodded.

Moiraine's lips parted in a tiny expression of shock. She lifted a hand to her heart, and in the space of a breath was all serenity again. "Where is El'Naeva now?"

A look of dissatisfaction came over Logain as he answered, "She is taking the test to become Aes Sedai."

One of her hands twitched, but Moiraine's cool expression never faltered. "If the Amyrlin Seat has taken her to be tested, then we have no recourse but to wait."

Logain cleared his throat and gestured to the three of them. "Pardon the unorthodox introduction, but you ought meet Killua Zoldyck, Alluka Zoldyck, and Gon Freecs. These three are friends to El'Naeva. She would not be alive, let alone returned to us, if not for them."

Alluka felt herself bristle at the phrase 'returned to us', but bit down on her disagreement. _I should be careful with my words, like Naeva always is. Now I can see why she has that habit._

The woman curtsied to them as she had to Logain. "I am Moiraine Merrilin, Aes Sedai of the Blue Ajah and First Royal Adviser to Al'Deval Mandragoran, the King of Malkier." She looked them over, and it seemed that her gaze was warmer than it had been. "Light illumine you all. You have my most sincere gratitude, and I am pleased to make your acquaintances."

Alluka could only nod her head. She didn't have anywhere near the poise to attempt matching this beautiful woman's formality. Her brother turned back to the window and resumed staring morosely outward in silence.

Moiraine sat herself down on the couch – directly beside Alluka – and adjusted her skirt, smoothing her fine boned hands over her lap. "I should be glad to wait alongside you all." Alluka found herself suddenly the focus of Moiraine's intent gaze and felt her heart clench anxiously. Then the woman smiled. It was only a tiny smile, but it made her eyes sparkle. "My Lady," she started, her voice a melodic chime, "I surmise by the evident worry on your face that you are close to the Sister-Heir, yes?"

Alluka smiled bashfully. "Naeva? She's my best friend."

Moiraine folded her hands together and crossed her legs primly at the ankle. The natural grace she exuded was beginning to make Alluka feel awfully self-conscious. "I am very happy to hear that. El'Naeva never had any friends her own age, before..." Her words faded away, as did her smile. "It is comforting to know that she has you."

"Naeva has lots of friends in our world," Alluka assured her.

"Your world?" Moiraine became utterly still. "Where precisely are you from?"

Alluka cringed, already having forgotten her pledge to be careful with her words.

Killua turned back to them, though she'd been almost certain he wasn't paying any attention to the conversation. He regarded the woman warily. "The world we're from is separate from this one."

Moiraine's eyebrows lifted. "A Mirror World?"

Gon nodded. "Yeah, that's the phrase Naeva uses."

Killua sauntered back to the couch and sat on the armrest next to Gon. "So you're an Aes Sedai, huh?" he asked the woman.

"I am." There was a great deal of pride in those two words.

Killua's eyes narrowed sharply. "What's the test like?"

Moiraine pursed her lips and was silent for a long moment. "It is different for everyone – personalized, if you will. The only constant is that it is difficult. To pass the test requires the ability to remain focused in the face of great suffering." She met Killua's challenging gaze levelly. "El'Naeva will pass."

Alluka gulped. _Suffering? Hasn't she seen enough of that?_

Killua, however, was visibly reassured. "Thank you for telling us. I hear keeping secrets is a big deal around here."

Moiraine smiled again, quite gently. "I believe you three deserve to know that much. There are occasions upon which custom can be ignored."

"Some customs should be abolished." Logain's voice was a rumble of dissatisfaction. "Your entirely defunct Red Ajah comes to mind."

"I will not have this argument with you again at such an inappropriate time, M'Hael." Moiraine's volume did not raise in the slightest, but her musical voice was laced with reproach. "Your Asha'man have practices that I disapprove of, but I do not presume to tell you to change them."

Logain glared at her. "That is hardly comparable."

"I can't understand a damn thing you're talking about, but it sounds pointless." Killua jumped back to his feet. "Aren't you two at all worried?"

"The Wheel weaves as the Wheel wills," Moiraine said lightly, without even looking at Killua. She poured herself a cup of tea and, after taking a sip, added some consolation, "I do agree, however, that it is pointless right now to engage in policy debate."

Logain laughed. "A fine Aes Sedai reply. I, at least, am more than worried and quite alright with saying so. I am extremely displeased that El'Naeva has been coerced by the Amyrlin Seat into-"

"Naeva wasn't coerced," Alluka interrupted to correct him, and then promptly blushed. "What I mean is, Naeva asked to be tested. Actually, she sort of demanded it."

The M'Hael appeared confused for only a second before something in him softened. "Of course she would," he said. "Her mother did much the same."

Gon touched a hand to his chin thoughtfully. "Naeva's mother was an Aes Sedai, too?"

Moiraine was the one who answered him. "El'Nynaeve was indeed Aes Sedai. She was the most powerful Aes Sedai the White Tower had seen in over one thousand years."

"And not at all a typical one," Logain put in. "El'Nynaeve loathed the atmosphere of the White Tower nearly as much as I do."

"You have your reasons, M'Hael, and no one will fault you for them." Despite her gentle words, Moiraine fixed him with a chastising look. "Yet you would do well to remember that-"

"I do not care," Logain overrode her. "We are straying again from any fruitful avenue of discussion. Did you travel immediately when you heard the rumor, Moiraine-Sedai?"

Her eyebrows twitched together and she frowned – on her face that half-scowl somehow looked elegant – before she answered. "If you wish to discover whether or not I had council with the King before departing, you may as well have asked directly."

Logain drained the last of his tea and set about refilling his cup. "Perhaps I shall call upon the Al'Cairi Palace when I am finished here."

Killua looked between the two of them a few times, something like revulsion crossing his features. "Ya know, I always thought it was strange that Naeva has a difficult time saying things outright. Now I'm shocked she's as straightforward as she is, having grown up around all of this insanity."

Gon nodded agreement. "It's like you both are playing some game, and I don't know any of the rules."

Logain's sudden smile was a little grim. "An astute observation, Gon. You speak of _daes dae'mar –_ The Great Game. A pretty way to call how people with power maneuver to gain more while giving up as little as possible." He exhaled a weighted breath. "It is such a long ingrained habit that it is nearer to instinct, but I will do my best to speak more plainly."

Killua shoved his hands into his pockets and leaned back against the wall. "This Al'Deval – Naeva's brother – I assume that if he knew already, he'd be here with you two."

Moiraine gave a small shake of her head. "Al'Deval carries responsibility for the Kingdom of Malkier, as I carry responsibility for him. He would not abandon his duties today to go chasing rumor."

When Killua was visibly upset by that, Logain elaborated, "Al'Deval is not uncaring, but he is a King and a King is not free to be a man like any other. With all of the obligations thrust upon the both of them from birth, Al'Deval and El'Naeva hardly even had the chance to know one another before she disappeared."

Alluka mulled that over. _I suppose that would be why Naeva has never even mentioned him._ "Will he even want to see her, then?" She hoped it wasn't too impolite to ask that. This world had its own rules and she wasn't sure she even liked it enough to bother with learning them.

"El'Naeva is his Heir," Moiraine said patiently. "He has to see her, and preferably soon. I intend to bring her home to the Palace with me tonight, if I can."

Gon raised argument right away. "That isn't her home. Maybe it was once, but her home is in _our_ world now." He didn't sound half as angry as Killua looked.

When her brother opened his mouth and she knew he was going to say something harsh, Alluka spoke up hastily to prevent it. "Naeva won't be staying here for long. I guess we should have mentioned that earlier."

Killua had taken the moment while she was talking to compose himself. "She has family in our world – family that actually knows her and cares about her even if they _aren't_ related by blood." His tone was only a little acerbic. Thinking of Kurapika and Senritsu, Alluka nodded her own emphatic agreement.

Again came the sound of footsteps in the hallway. Alluka also heard several raised voices, but couldn't make out any words until her brother was suddenly at the door to jerk it open. Huroc was blocking the doorway with his bulk and facing down multiple women, from the sounds of it.

"-treatment is completely unheard of!"

"Is Moiraine in there? Stand aside!"

"-will be calling for audience with the Sitters!"

Huroc's barking voice overpowered them easily. "I will step aside only once the Amyrlin Seat or the Keeper of the Chronicles instructs me to. Until then, I _will_ guard this door."

Moiraine rose fluidly and moved to stand beside Killua. "It sounds to me as if the testing has finished."

The cries from beyond Huroc started up again with renewed fervor.

"Moiraine, tell him to move!"

"The Amyrlin crossed a line, and-"

"Moiraine? You would not believe wha _-_ "

Another voice, this one more familiar to her, echoed over the other three. "Stand back, Daughters. Air your grievances to the Hall of Sitters if you wish, but you will not undignify yourselves by throwing such a tantrum here in the corridor."

There were a few sniffs of indignation, but also the swishing of skirts and shuffling of slippers as the unseen women hurried away.

"You may step aside now. I thank you, Huroc."

The Warder did as commanded and the Amyrlin Seat stepped into view. _She doesn't have Naeva with her. Why not?_ Alluka felt a stab of anxiety in her heart. _What were those women so upset about?_

Killua and Moiraine stepped back so that Cadsuane could enter. She looked weary and pale, but even in that state she was every bit as formidable as she'd been earlier. "El'Naeva has passed her test."

Alluka leaped to her feet. "Can we please see her, Mother?" She was absurdly proud to have remembered the formality.

Cadsuane nodded. "Certainly. In fact, she has insisted upon temporary seclusion from everyone _except_ for the three of you." She flicked a gesture at Killua, Gon, and Alluka. Then she puffed out an aggravated breath. "Well, it would be more accurate to say that she put up a ward to ensure it."

Logain's expression fell to discontent. "I intended to-"

"It matters naught to me what you intended," Cadsuane cut him off. " I recommend that you return to the Black Tower, M'Hael – at least for the time being."

As Moiraine studied the Amyrlin, her eyes became increasingly cold. "Did something go wrong during the testing, Mother?"

"Nothing went wrong," Cadsuane said. "You may stay or go as you please, Daughter."

Abruptly, Moiraine was glaring. "I believe I shall stay. It seems that the Hall is about to be in session, and I should like to hear what is said for myself."

The Amyrlin said nothing and Moiraine glided around her to leave the room.

Logain stared down Cadsuane. "I will _not_ be leaving." That almost sounded like a threat.

Cadsuane spared him just a brief, scathing glance. "Very well. Whether or not El'Naeva chooses to seek your company will be up to her."

Alluka stepped up to the Amyrlin. This power-struggle stuff was ridiculous, and she didn't want to waste any more time on it. "Please take us to Naeva, Mother."

Cadsuane nodded once. "That is what I came here to do, child. You may follow me."

* * *

Naeva's mind was a tumultuous mess. Her memories were swirling and bleeding into the visions she had seen – no, lived through – during the test. _It all felt real. Completely, vividly real._

She was sitting on the floor of the Tower room that had been hers during her time as an Accepted. Nothing had been changed or removed in her absence and that filled her with eerie unease. It was almost like the past four years might have been a dream. Naeva squashed that irrational fear with a glance in the mirror. _This room has not changed, but I have. Light! I know that if I know nothing else!_

None of her old Accepted's dresses came anywhere close to fitting her now, so she was still wearing only a dark gray overcoat that hung almost to her ankles. She had cuffed the sleeves four times before her hands were revealed. One of the Aes Sedai who had participated in the test had handed it off to her – by the cut, it undoubtedly belonged to her Warder. At least the heavy coat was warm. The marble floor of her old room was so cold. She had been forced to disrobe for the testing and her comfortable clothes had been hauled away by the Tower maids. They were probably incinerated to ash by now.

Naeva rubbed a scratchy woolen sleeve across her cheeks to dry another torrent of tears. _I passed. That is all that matters. I am Aes Sedai now, and I will not cry!_


	8. Misconceptions

Killua halted when the Amyrlin did. The corridor they were in was narrower than any of the previous, and judging by the frequency of the intermittent doors it was populated with tiny rooms. The door she stopped at had four people gathered outside. There were two women, and behind them a pair of rugged looking men that he decided were their Warders. They put hands to sword hilts when they were approached and wore cloaks identical to the one he'd seen on Huroc. It made Killua feel nauseous if he tried to focus on the way those cloaks were constantly changing color to provide camouflage – admittedly, it was quite the neat trick.

The shorter woman had been pacing, but she stopped and crossed her arms. "She has not come out!" Her hair was in disarray and her face was flushed russet with anger. "We have no way of knowing if she's even still in there."

The tall woman, whose expression was utterly blank, curtsied before addressing the Amyrlin Seat. "I must disagree with Petuli-Sedai. I am certain that she is still inside, Mother." Her voice was low and calm. She carried a pile of cream colored silk in her arms and passed it ceremoniously to his sister. "I brought this for Naeva-Sedai, but I will not infringe upon her need for reflection. Would you please give it to her in my stead, child?"

"Of course." Alluka glanced curiously at the bundle as she accepted it.

Cadsuane barked a dismissal at the two women. "Be about your own business now, Daughters. The testing is over and done with."

"Oh, but the Hall is going to hear of this!" The short Aes Sedai – Petuli, or whatever – fumed. "To use your authority to punish her so cruelly is-"

The Amyrlin took only a single step toward the woman and her words cut off with a strangled squeak. "Go now. I care not to hear your whinging."

Petuli gathered her skirt in shaky hands and set off. One of the men trailed along after her.

The tall Aes Sedai watched her go without even a trace of emotion.

Cadsuane regarded her warily. "Have you no accusations to sling at me, Orelin-Sedai?"

"Naeva-Sedai has passed her test, and it is not for me to speak of it." Orelin curtsied and then spun about, but hesitated before she left. "If you were asking after my opinion, Mother, I will say only that I am proud to welcome Naeva-Sedai as a Sister." With that said, she ambled away and the second man followed right at her heels.

Cadsuane appeared mildly surprised. "Well, now." Hardly a second later she was the embodiment of imperiousness once again and her sharp eyes shifted to the door. "You may go inside. Her ward specifically allows for your entrance and no others. Try to convince her to come out for Healing, would you?"

Alluka frowned and Killua turned a look toward the old woman that he struggled to temper to anything less than a glare. "She's been hurt?"

Cadsuane glared right back at him. "Injuries are oft sustained during the testing. It is customary that they be Healed as soon as it is over, but El'Naeva refused. She was... out of sorts." She shook her head. "You can see for yourself."

Killua stared after Cadsuane as she bustled away without another word. _This White Tower is awful. Whose idea was it to assemble so many aggravating personalities in one place?_

Gon touched the doorknob experimentally, as if he half-expected it might burn him. When it didn't, he aimed a smile back over his shoulder. "I guess we just go in. Apparently we're the only ones who can." He pulled the door open and it was like looking into the static of an empty television broadcast. "That's cool." Gon stuck his hand quickly in and then out again. After it came out looking just fine, he walked straight through. Killua put a hand on his sister's back and they followed.

The room was even tinier than he'd been expecting. Naeva sat on the floor with her legs outstretched, wearing an over-sized gray coat that reminded him unpleasantly of the Holy Coventry. It'd been a similar coat draped about her on the day they had first met. Her eyes were rimmed with red and the left side of her face was puffy with rising bruises. There was dried blood matting the hair on the other side of her head, and over the old scar around her neck were fresh red welts like someone had tried to strangle her. Killua went motionless at the sight of it all, even as Naeva hastily clambered to her feet. _What happened to her shoes?_ That was an odd thing to worry about in the face of everything else, but it was the first coherent thought he managed to have.

Alluka let out a soft cry, dropped the silk in her arms, and ran to her best friend. Naeva caught his sister and squeezed her snugly. "I am alright, Alluka-chan. Everything is alright."

"The hell it is," Killua said, too roughly. The anger that had been broiling within him all day was spilling uncontrollably into his words.

Alluka pulled back from the embrace and ran a feather light touch over her best friend's battered cheek. "You need Healing."

Naeva smiled for Alluka, doubtless attempting to be reassuring. "Later. Right now I only want to come back to reality. The testing was... intense."

Gon appeared awfully tense, himself. "Naeva, it looks like somebody just beat the crap out of you. What kind of test was it? Why'd the Amyrlin let this happen? I thought she liked you!"

Naeva absorbed Gon's rush of outrage with quiet patience. "Cadsuane did only what was necessary."

Killua was at her side before he realized he had moved. Alluka stepped away, and there was not much extra room with the four of them so when the back of her knees hit the bed she sat down automatically. He couldn't stop looking at the marks around Naeva's neck, the blood in her hair, the swelling beneath her eyes from crying. "None of this looks necessary to me," he countered, voice low.

Naeva only stared up at him at first. Then, to his uncomfortable surprise, she grabbed him up in a tight hug. She pressed her face into his chest and her shoulders shook. Killua stood there in shock for a second before wrapping his arms around her. One of his hands stroked over her hair as he was used to doing when his sister needed comforting. The room was silent save for the sound of her sniffling. Well, that and his obnoxiously loud pulse, but hopefully that was only audible in his own head. He wasn't sure how long it was before Naeva let go of him. Thankfully, she did seem to be calmer as she stepped back.

Gon, who had poured most of his ire out with his earlier rant, retrieved the fallen silk and passed it to her. "Naeva, this is from one of the Aes Sedai."

She accepted the bundle and shook it out in her hands. It was a dress, he saw now. Naeva only looked at it for a moment before dropping it on her bed beside Alluka. With a much brighter smile, she turned back to Gon and gave him a hug, as well. Gon's expression was compassionate as he returned the embrace.

"It all felt real," Naeva murmured. She went to the narrow bed and sat down.

Alluka leaned into her. "What happened?"

Naeva frowned. "You might think of it as a simulation. Before the test began, I told Cadsuane what to use against me and I asked her to exploit it. My parents, my captivity, my friends... I asked her to use everything, and she did. When I- it was a _ter'angreal_ , a device that functions using the One Power. I walked within it and then was somewhere else, with no awareness that I was being tested or that what I was seeing was not reality. Moghedien-" She hissed in a breath. "I saw Moghedien again and again _._ I had to watch the people I care about scream and die and stay focused. One hundred iterations of fury and pain and grief. It was like a nightmare. Now it feels like a nightmare, but it was reality at the time."

Alluka looked a little sick. "That's what it takes to be Aes Sedai?"

Naeva's frown curved lower. "That is what it takes for _me_ to be Aes Sedai. I had to be certain that I- that I had not already been broken by what happened in the past."

Killua sighed, exasperated. _She's always trying to sign herself up for some new and terrible punishment._ That stray thought stirred up more. "The other Aes Sedai were pretty well convinced that the Amyrlin was tough on you as some form of punishment. They were livid."

Naeva's eyes widened. "But that is ridiculous. Cadsuane would never do something like that."

Alluka frowned. "Even Moiraine seemed angry."

Naeva gave his sister the singlemost shocked look he'd ever seen on her face. She spoke so quickly that her words ran together. "You met Moiraine? Moiraine is here? Blood and ashes! Moiraine was _angry?_ "

Gon nodded. "She went to the Sitting Hall with all of the other angry Aes Sedai."

Naeva surged to her feet. "The Hall of Sitters is meeting over this?" She put a hand to her forehead. "I must set this straight immediately. Light!" Her hands reached for the top button of the gray coat. "Gon, Killua, turn around." She began unfastening the buttons and Alluka stood up with the cream colored dress to help her into it.

Killua's cheeks burned and he whipped himself to face the door hastily. Gon was just as quick about it, but he managed not to blush.

"Which piece first?" Alluka's voice.

"We can skip the hosiery. The slip, first," Naeva answered smoothly.

"Um, does this go here?"

"That clips onto the top piece with the little pearl buttons."

"Okay, got it. And the... is this a..."

"It is a sash. If you could wrap it just about here to cover the laces, please."

"Alright, everything is laced and buttoned and tied."

"Thank you so much, Allu-"

"No, wait! Oops, almost missed this bit. Okay, now you're fine."

"Thank you, Alluka-chan!"

After a great amount of rustling, Naeva rushed between he and Gon and pushed the door open. She picked up the much too-long skirt and sprinted out and down the hallway, still barefoot. Alluka chased directly behind her.

Gon watched them go with his mouth agape and then laughed. "I guess we're running now."

"To the Sitting Hall," Killua added snarkily.

Gon scowled as they dashed out of the room and after the girls. "I was pretty close."

They caught up to the other two just as Naeva was skidding around a corner and into a much larger hallway. The journey continued down two flights and through four more hallways. Everyone they passed seemed to be trying very hard not to gawk at their obvious haste. As they rounded a corner into the largest corridor yet, Naeva sped up to reach the tall doors at the end. There, she halted and spent a few moments reclaiming her breath and smoothing down her hair. By the time she reached out to pull the heavy double doors open, she was remarkably poised.

The room revealed was something like a cavernous courtroom. Women filled the floor space, packed nearly shoulder to shoulder, and two dozen or so sat looking down at them from elevated pews. There were no men here, not even a single Warder looming in one of those distinctive camouflage cloaks.

Naeva picked her way through the others to the front and they all followed her despite the scandalized looks several of the Aes Sedai shot them.

One of the women who was seated – she had her white hair pulled into a tight bun atop her head and a permanent look of displeasure etched into her ageless face – held up a hand and the room fell obligingly silent. "Naeva-Sedai, you are welcome to join this session. Have you come to speak on the record?"

Naeva curtsied to the women on the pews. "It has been brought to my attention that the manner of my testing is under investigation, and I should like you to have the complete version of events before you deliberate."

A dark haired woman at the end of the pew lifted a feather quill. "We will be glad to hear your testimony."

Naeva encompassed the entire congregation with an icy glance. Then she focused on the white haired woman, and spoke. "Before the test began, I made a request of the Amyrlin Seat and the Keeper of the Chronicles, whom I knew would be taking part. I asked them to be ruthless, even cruel, in an effort to push me beyond my limitations. I also insisted upon the stipulation that if I failed I would be Stilled."

Killua felt a chill. _Stilled... she's used that word before. That's what she did to Moghedien years ago when they fought! She_ insisted _on being cut off from her powers if she failed their stupid test?_

Gasps and terrified whimpers echoed all around. A few of the Aes Sedai swayed like they might faint. Even the women on the pew, who had remained far more composed than the rest, looked unsettled.

The white haired woman tapped her fingers on the banister in front of her. "This is unheard of."

Directly beside her, a curvy woman in a gaudy red dress snapped. "Unheard of because it's unethical!"

The woman who had been scribbling with her quill stopped and leaned forward. "Naeva-Sedai, all of this was done as per your request?"

Naeva nodded once. "It was."

The white haired woman narrowed her eyes. "Why would you ask for such a testing?"

The Amyrlin's voice boomed out suddenly, from everywhere all at once. "El'Naeva, you are under no obligation to answer that unlawful inquiry." Killua turned to spot Cadsuane looming in the doorway, short Eriff and her tall staff standing at attention on her right. Huroc lurked behind them. "The specifics of any woman's testing are not to be spoken of once she has earned her right to Sisterhood. Customs and traditions were indeed disregarded today, the most erroneous example of which is this very hearing."

The women packing the floorspace shifted about uneasily, each looking like she would rather be further away from the doorway and Cadsuane's glare.

Naeva curtsied to the Amyrlin, but did not step back from the pews.

The women serving as judges put their heads together and whispered for a while. Finally, the white haired woman tented her fingers and let out a loud breath that sounded of relief. "This matter is to be stricken from the record. This sitting shall end, unless there is any new matter to be brought to our attention."

Naeva glanced around again before speaking up. "As we are all gathered together, I would ask to declare my choice of Ajah. The decision is made and I see no need to wait until the morning as ceremony dictates."

Another round of hissing and gasps until Eriff slammed her staff into the marble floor for quiet.

The Amyrlin smiled and some small object passed from Huroc's hand to hers. The crowd parted while she approached. When Cadsuane stopped, Naeva knelt before her and kissed the ring on her extended hand before standing again.

Cadsuane's voice was amplified to a stately timbre. "El'Naeva Mandragoran, which Ajah do you choose?"

Naeva answered without hesitation. "I have chosen the White Ajah."

Killua couldn't have guessed why, but this was met with even more incredulity from the Aes Sedai that were gathered. Some of them were now red-faced, practically shaking with anger. A few let out quick, hysterical sounding giggles before clapping hands over their mouths and looking mortified with themselves.

The Amyrlin opened her hand and the small item laying in her palm was a gold ring. She slipped it onto Naeva's middle finger. "You are Naeva-Sedai of the White Ajah of the White Tower of Tar Valon. I welcome you, Daughter."

Naeva curtsied. The many Aes Sedai who'd been angered were muttering amongst themselves in groups, now. The Keeper struck her staff against the floor again for quiet. Several women jumped.

From up on the pew, the white haired woman heaved another sigh. "This most unusual meeting of the Hall of Sitters has come to a close. Depart now in the Light, Sisters." The crowd of women started to disperse hurriedly enough, at that.

Naeva wandered back over to them, twirling the gold ring around her finger with a rather smug expression.

Killua might've been able to find that amusing if it weren't for the injuries still mottling her skin. "Can we find someone to Heal you now?" He gestured to the few women lingering in the Hall. Some of them were still gossiping in clusters and shooting furtive glances in their direction. "Any of these Aes Sedai can do it, right?"

"El'Naeva." That voice was familiar. He'd only heard it for the first time today, but it was enough to leave an impression.

Naeva straightened, composed herself, then turned smoothly to face Moiraine. She said nothing. There was sudden heaviness to the atmosphere.

Killua stared between the two of them, and he wasn't the only one. Alluka wore a confused frown and Gon looked like he thought he might need to step between a catfight.

"You will follow me." Moiraine started off without sparing so much as a glance over her shoulder to see whether or not she would be obeyed.

Naeva did obey. Killua exchanged a baffled look with Gon and Alluka and then they followed suit. The last thing he wanted was to find himself abandoned somewhere in this damn Tower without a clue how to find his own way around. Although, Gon could probably sniff Naeva out if it came to that.

The room Moiraine led them to was another parlor, just smaller than the one they'd all waited in earlier with Logain. Only once the door was closed and the five of them were alone did Moiraine look them over again. Her gaze was uncomfortably scrutinous.

Naeva remained silent. He wasn't used to seeing her be at a loss for words, and her silence only added to the palpable tension.

Moiraine put her hands on Naeva's face and she trembled, then abruptly relaxed. The damage done to her during the testing was repaired. Moiraine lowered her hands. "You look well enough, El'Naeva. Are you well?"

Instead of answering the question asked of her, Naeva said something entirely unexpected. "If Al'Deval wishes to have me put to trial, I shall comply and submit myself to his judgment. If the sentence is execution, I only request that my friends be granted amnesty and hospitality in Tar Valon until such a time as they are able to return home. Can you arrange for that, Moiraine?"

"What?" Alluka rushed to her best friend, fully expressing her horror at that notion. Killua felt much the same himself, but he stood numbly in place.

Gon shook his head roughly and took one pace forward. "Naeva, I don't-"

"Be quiet, please." Moiraine didn't shift her focus from Naeva. "It is good of you three to show concern for the Sister-Heir's foolishness. I certainly did not devote years of my life to her tutoring just to see her act such a chit of a girl now she is grown."

Naeva's eyes rounded with clear surprise. "Did you just call me-" She pulled herself up, replacing that surprise with stubbornness. "And how would you have me act, Moiraine? You taught me much, not least of which is that I must have the grace to acknowledge that everything I do has repercussions. Well, I learned _that_ lesson several times over. Am I not responsible for the role I played in the crime of regicide?"

"The role you played was that of a hostage," Moiraine said. "You know the laws of your homeland, I taught you them just as well. Think back, lest I judge that you have lost all your sense entirely. Is a hostage to be held liable for the crimes committed by their captor?"

Naeva slumped. "No, but I was-"

"But nothing. I will brook no further nonsense from you." Moiraine said icily, then softened with visible fondness and laid a hand upon Naeva's shoulder. "So, you are not as well as you appear. El'Naeva, _sereninda,_ have you been carrying that burden all this time as if it were your own?"

Some of Killua's tension eased away and he felt a poignant moment of appreciation for the woman. _She wasn't being harsh – she really cares about her. From the beginning, she knew_ _Naeva had been blaming herself. This entire time she's been maneuvering the situation to reach this point, prodding at her temper because that's what gets Naeva to actually open up and see sense..._

"I do not want sympathy from you, Moiraine." Naeva stepped back, clinging to his sister's arm now like she needed that support to keep herself upright. "You did not witness it yourself, and if you had _..._ you would not be so forgiving."

Moiraine's pretty features furrowed with a tiny frown. "Take my assurance, if nothing else. Al'Deval will not be putting you to trial on any such unlawful charge. Light willing, one day we shall see Moghedien face sentencing for her long life of depravity, but no one seeks to punish you in lieu of her."

"Moghedien..." Naeva drew in a shaky breath and her eyes darted toward his. Killua answered her unspoken question with a reluctant nod of his head. "Moghedien is dead. I killed her."

That wrought dramatic reactions from Alluka and Gon. He'd told them essentially nothing about the Yverris trip. Gon grimaced, eyes darkening with sympathy. Alluka bit hard on her lip, then wrapped Naeva up in a fierce hug.

Only Moiraine remained impassive. "Then it is resolved. You acted in your rightful duty as _Dai'shan_ and avenged your people."

Naeva went with his sister to one of the couches to sit. "I have forsworn that title."

Moiraine gave a small shake of her head. "That is not an oath you can revoke, El'Naeva. It has been a part of you from birth and it will be a part of you always."

Her response to that was a rueful twist of the lips, but she didn't argue. "It was not an intentional execution, anyhow. Three years past I Stilled Moghedien and meant that to be the end of it. Her death was the result of my foolhardy choice to weave a Gateway whilst afflicted with Channeling Sickness."

For whatever reason, _that_ broke Moiraine's poise. Her eyes flew wide. "A Gateway?" She swallowed hard, and within an instant had reclaimed her calm. "How is it that you survived such a rebound?"

Naeva gestured toward him. "My friend Killua is fleet of both thought and movement. He carried me free of the blast."

Killua's cheeks colored even before Moiraine focused on him. As appraising as her gaze had been before, this was something else.

"Fleet? That would have to be an understatement." Moiraine picked up the hem of her skirt and sauntered nearer to him, then dipped a flourishing curtsy. "For saving the life of the Sister-Heir, you are deserving of just reward. You could be named a Lord of Malkier, if you wish it. Such a title would grant you vast land holdings and high standing among any court in the Westlands."

His expression fell and he looked over her to stare aghast at Naeva. She was scrutinizing Moiraine. Killua shook his head. "I didn't do it for a reward, and I've never wanted to be any kind of Lord. What's wrong with you people? It's not like I would've just let her die – she's my friend!"

"I can see that." Moiraine set a light touch to the neckline of her dress. The spark in her eyes was calculating. "I must say, your dedication only makes the deed you performed a more honorable one. Please accept my heartfelt gratitude, at the very least."

Killua glowered for all he was worth, but the embarrassed flush on his face probably ruined it. _Wait, this is- she's manipulating me just like she did Naeva. Is she only trying to gauge my reactions? Why?_

Moiraine smiled then. "I am glad that the Sister-Heir has found a friend such as you, Killua Zoldyck. You truly would make for a fine _-_ "

"That is enough," Naeva interrupted.

"Have I caused offense?" Moiraine put her hand on the crook of his elbow before turning her attention to Naeva. "I was only being courteous. Do you not agree that he is admirable, El'Naeva? I believe I stand to gain much from affording him due respect and nurturing an alliance over our mutual interests."

"Your ploy is a futile one," Naeva said flatly. "I shall be returning with my friends to the world I now call home. You had best give up right now on any hopes that you might change my mind."

 _What? How was she working her way toward that_ _? Just how convoluted_ is _daes dae'mar?_ Killua tried not to appear as bewildered as he felt.

Gon had no such reservations. "I'm so confused."

"That is just as well. You ought not even make the attempt at unraveling Moiraine's scheming." Naeva smiled at Gon. "You are honest and kindhearted. The Great Game is deceitful and nasty."

Killua frowned. "Okay, but... I'm not half as honest as Gon, and even I don't know what that was about other than that I was being played."

Naeva aimed a sharp glare at Moiraine. "Would you like to explain yourself, or shall I?"

"For one so naturally gifted at _daes dae'mar_ , you have always been contemptuous of it." Moiraine wore a faint smile. "Let us hear your assessment then, El'Naeva."

"As you wish." Naeva sniffed, a quick expression of scorn, before beginning. "Your interest was piqued by my offhand remark. You know that escaping a Gateway gone awry would require unthinkable speed. That I described the act so blandly led you to the assumption that I wish to be secretive, and that Killua at least – more likely all of my friends – have strengths and abilities that you ought know about. Killua being the most certain target, you honed in on him."

Moiraine's small smile lifted, a trace prideful. "Full marks so far. Please, go on."

Naeva crossed her arms. "Your initial flattery was a tool to discover how susceptible he might be to sweet words. Unfortunately for poor Killua, he _is_ very easily embarrassed." His eyes narrowed at that, but she went on without taking notice of his glare. "The bit about making him a Lord was meant to craft a base assessment of his character. In his refusal, he offered far more information to you than he should have. You learned that he does not lust for power, or else is so assured in what he already has that he is not greedy for more. He revealed to you that he treats the act of saving my life as a matter of course. That you enjoyed, I am sure, for it provided multiple certainties. You discovered that he is competent in the face of danger, experienced enough that a near to fatal explosion left no trauma, and that he values friendship highly."

"Wow." Gon and Alluka expressed that sentiment at the same time, and then promptly grinned at one another.

Killua was tempted to back away from the Aes Sedai, but equally nervous about what she'd presume if he did. "I don't like this."

"Ah, but there is still more to know." Moiraine patted his arm and peered up at him, eyes twinkling. "This is a necessary lesson for you three."

"I believe-" Naeva served the woman a harder look. "-that the lesson has been thoroughly imparted."

"Missing the hidden meaning behind words is dangerous, El'Naeva. Your friends must be aware of that, if they are to endure their time in this world without falling victim to some malicious plot," Moiraine countered. She sounded only like she wanted to be helpful. "What better player of _daes dae'mar_ to make a study of than I? Most resort to outright lies, which are easier to detect. My careful truths are greatly more interesting."

"It _is_ interesting," Gon said enthusiastically. "I'd like to hear what else went right over my head."

"Yeah, you should keep going." Even Alluka chimed in with agreement, much to his dismay. "We still don't know how it all connects to her wanting to keep you here."

 _I guess I do want to know how she figured that out. What did I miss?_ Killua clicked his tongue. "Fine, you might as well finish."

Naeva frowned, but she did go on. "My first insight into her goal was her repeatedly referring to me as 'the Sister-Heir'. She wanted to plant that into each of your minds. It is her subtle way of declaring that I belong to Malkier."

Alluka bristled up angrily. "But you don't. That would never have worked."

"I will get to that, Alluka-chan. Do not worry." Naeva offered his sister a soothing smile before continuing, "After my interruption, she decided to act more openly. She praised Killua and touched his arm while watching me to see whether I would react in a way she might exploit. Her word choices – 'alliance', 'nurturing', 'mutual interests' – made her intentions quite plain."

"Not plain enough," Gon said bashfully. "I still don't get it."

 _I do._ Killua scowled. "She was trying to play matchmaker."

"Indeed," Naeva confirmed. "As I am attached more strongly to the three of you than I am to Malkier, Moiraine sought for a way to tie you to Malkier. A heart befuddled by romance is prone to override practical thought. If Moiraine could tie her strings around Killua and myself she might be able to pull the both of us about to her liking. She actually dared to think it possible that we all might remain here. As I said, it was futile." Her gaze narrowed on Moiraine. "You shall accept that now, yes?"

"My duty to Malkier demands that I secure the line of succession," Moiraine said lightly. "Yet that is not my strongest motive. You are my protege, El'Naeva. I have no wish to see you gone again."

"Moiraine, I..." Naeva faltered, then forged ahead. "These past years, I have missed you terribly. I will continue to miss you when I leave, but I _will_ be leaving." She stared down at that brilliant ring on her finger. The Great Serpent ring, as the man in the stable yard had named it; a solid gold snake coiled around her finger and biting onto its own tail. "As for the line of succession, how is it that I am still Heir to the Throne? I had expected Al'Deval would have married by now."

Moiraine's expression became more grave. "In the aftermath of Moghedien's attack, the King focused on rebuilding Seven Towers and reforging the Kingdom's ties with the other nations. Al'Deval insisted that Malkier must be strong again before he could consider a marriage alliance. It was only these past months that he began entertaining suitors, and a fortnight ago that he became betrothed. The Royal Wedding is just days away."

"Oh, Light." Naeva winced. "That is problematic."

"Why?" Killua asked. "Doesn't your brother getting married mean you're off the hook?"

"Only in a straightforward sense." Naeva pursed her lips. "That the timing of my reappearance happens to coincide so perfectly... there will be many who suspect that I have returned to challenge my brother's claim to the Throne. Some of those will wish to support me against him."

Alluka seemed only baffled. "Can't you just tell everyone that you aren't making a claim?"

"I would that it were so." Naeva's tone was contemplative. "Bloody _daes dae'mar_ makes such a statement questionable, at best. Plenty would take it to mean that I am putting effort into appearing innocent in public, and therefore planning to become the Queen via more unsavory methods."

"Mind your language, El'Naeva," Moiraine reprimanded her.

"Yes, Moiraine," Naeva said distractedly. "Rebellions require a figurehead, but not necessarily a willing one. Many poor souls have found themselves wearing a crown they never wanted. No, a simple denial will not do. I must request that Al'Deval issue a formal decree removing me from the line of succession before any fool nobles can raise their banner in my name... Light help me, I ought attend the Wedding as a show of support."

Moiraine appeared taken aback, but recovered quickly. "You speak of relinquishing your birthright as if it does not bother you in the slightest."

"I will say this once again for your benefit, Moiraine, and I hope that you will take me seriously." Naeva corrected her posture and held her head high. "In a few weeks I am going to leave this world and I will not return. My conviction is unshakable. The final extension of my duty to Malkier will be to reinforce my brother's rule before I go."

Moiraine was silent awhile, merely studying Naeva. Then she bowed her head. "Unshakable, indeed," she murmured. "You have my word that I will attempt no subterfuge to keep you here."

Naeva blinked up at the woman in shock. It took her a few seconds to gather herself back together. "Thank you."

"You shall have whatever assistance I can provide, El'Naeva," Moiraine said, then brightened her tone. "For the present moment, my immediate concern is a practical one. After the Healing and testing you went through, you must be exceptionally famished. Let us go to dinner together, shall we?"


	9. Truths and Ignorance

Logain held his hands behind his back and continued staring distantly out the window. It had already been well over an hour since Cadsuane had arrived with the news that Naeva had passed her testing. He hoped he had not erred in his assumption that she would come to talk with him. _She will. I cannot leave until I have had the chance to know that she is truly alright._

His thoughts turned inexorably to the Spider, Moghedien. The grudge she had carried against Nynaeve ran deeper than bone. He should have been able to predict what measures she was willing to take in order to satisfy that need for vengeance. There was no level of degeneracy beneath a member of the Forsaken, and yet he had still been caught unaware when Moghedien had managed to pluck Naeva from Tar Valon. One of his Soldiers at the time, Abrim Cauthon had spared none of the gritty details of the capture. Naeva had been collared by one of the detestable Seanchan _a'dam._ She had been collared and in the hands of a Myrddraal and terrified near out of her mind when last she had been seen by anyone who did not mean her harm.

For too long the Spider had kept them both hidden and on the run, evading the hunting Aes Sedai, the Malkieri battalions, his Asha'man forces – evading him. If he had not been able to accurately predict Moghedien's cruelty before, he knew very well he could not imagine the malicious things she would have done to Naeva. She had been only a small child, but that would have afforded her no mercy from a Forsaken. He and everyone else had been far too complacent in Naeva's regard, trusting in the immense power she had been born with. _The Spider rendered her defenseless, and I failed to save her. Then, when Moghedien finally made her move, I was caught unprepared yet again. I failed to protect Nynaeve._ His heart twisted up, that familiar ache of loss. _She gave me my life back, and I let hers end in tragedy._ The shame of that was no less painful now than it had been when it was fresh.

Logain was so lost to reflection that he did not pick up on the sounds of approach from the corridor outside the room. Instead, he stiffened at the sudden knock upon the door. "Enter," he said, more sharply than he should have.

It was a Tower Novice that opened the door, and she spread her white skirt for a humble curtsy. "Please pardon me M'Hael, Naeva-Sedai and-"

"Thank you. The introductions are unnecessary." Naeva stepped into the room and offered the Novice an appreciative nod. "You may be about your duties, and I apologize for taking up so much of your time as I have."

The Novice squeaked, clearly embarrassed. For all her meek deference, she was probably two or more years older than Naeva. "It was my honor to serve, Naeva-Sedai." She dipped one final curtsy before scurrying from the room.

Killua, Alluka, and Gon filed in after the Novice left, and Naeva closed the door behind them. "I was surprised to hear that you had waited around for me so long, M'Hael. I apologize for not being quicker about coming to see you."

Logain swept his gaze over her three friends before settling it back on her. _I am unsure what they know. How much of it can I speak in front of them?_ "I could not have left without having had opportunity to converse with you, Naeva-Sedai." It felt strange to shift to the new title, but then she had earned it. Likely it made her more comfortable than the royal title of her birth.

There was some worry in her eyes – the only feature she had inherited from her father, those eyes – as she wandered further into the room. Naeva took Alluka's hand in her own and they sat alongside one another on the couch. Gon seated himself in a plush armchair and Logain left the window to take one of the others. Killua decided to remain nearer the door, leaning nonchalantly back against the wall. _That boy moves like a Warder – all arrogant, wary grace._

"Is there something in particular that you feel we must speak about?" Naeva asked carefully.

"There is." Logain shifted in his seat, easing down from his usual posture. Ordinarily he preferred to appear intimidating, for his station demanded nothing less, but in this situation he wanted to be as far from that as possible. "You have grown from a remarkable girl to a remarkable woman... and I do not mean to discount that strength which has kept you solid after everything, yet I-"

He caught the tightening of Naeva's grip on her friend's hand, even as she spoke up to interrupt him. "You must not fret over me so. I am quite well now, I assure you." The words were brisk, almost but not quite dismissive.

Again, Logain found himself looking over the other three. "There are a number of unknowns that have troubled me over the past years. Although I wish I could forget those troubles at your request, it is nigh impossible for me to do so." He focused on her, working to gentle his expression. "If it would be more comfortable for you to speak privately with me, perhaps we should take a walk together?"

Naeva gave a light shake of her head. "That would only serve to make me more uncomfortable. This world is foreign to my friends, and I do not plan on being separated from them." She smiled then, and very sweetly. "You may ask what you wish, and I will answer what I can to give you peace of mind."

 _Ah, I phrased that poorly._ Logain drew in a steadying breath. "I must have ordered young Cauthon to recount the tale dozens of times, and that only for the minuscule amount of detail I could glean from it. In the end, none of it gave me the insight I needed to find you as I had hoped it might. Instead, you were left to suffer at the hands of one of the Forsaken." _Where do I even begin?_ "Over these past years I have assumed only the worst, and especially whilst under the belief that you had not survived."

As he had gone on, Naeva's complexion blanched.

Killua fixed him with a hard glare – as imposing as any he had ever seen. "What exactly are you asking her to say? Do you think it'll soothe your conscience to hear the gory details, or are you trying to punish yourself with them?"

 _He cuts straight to the quick. Admirable, and yet terribly insolent._ Logain turned his own imperious gaze on the young man. "I care not for how astute you believe yourself to be, you cannot make such assumptions of my motivations. You do not know me, Killua."

"I know Naeva," Killua countered, sounding casual even with that dangerous glint reflecting in his eyes.

"I would wager that I understand her better, boy." Logain's prideful temper got the better of him and he struggled to reign it back in. "Naeva internalizes her pain as staunchly as ever her father did. I would go so far as to presume that you, for all your choler, know less than I of what Moghedien put her through."

"The both of you had better stop talking about me as if I am not sitting right here in the bloody room," Naeva interjected. She exhaled a long breath and went on more softly, "M'Hael, you ought get to your questions. I owe you truth, if only as small recompense for the care you have always shown me."

Logain kept his gaze on Killua until the young man rolled his eyes and looked away first. Then he transitioned back to Naeva. "Moghedien never employed a circle of Dreadlords to forcibly turn you to the Shadow. If it was her goal to have you serve the Dark One, it makes little sense that she would not have. Even had she only wanted to hurt your mother, that would have been the surest way. Are you aware if she had an ulterior motive that prevented her from choosing so simple an option?"

"I feared that she would resort to that," Naeva murmured. "And I myself have puzzled over why she did not. I would that I had a sure answer to give you, but I have found none."

Logain considered that. "Could Moghedien have been working under orders given her by someone else? I had assumed it was her hatred of El'Nynaeve that motivated her actions, but did you experience anything that might imply there was another force pulling her strings? This would be an important thing to know, now you are here again."

Naeva frowned and was pensive, eyes unfocused like she was looking inward at her memories. "There were times when Moghedien would block my sight and hearing, and it is possible she was meeting with someone. She was always anxious beforehand. When my senses were returned she would be at her most furious. Sometimes, I felt-" She shuddered and then refocused. "No, I believe Moghedien acted on her own. She would have found it more fitting that I be fully cognizant than to turn me to the Shadow and have me as no more than a willing pawn."

Slowly, Logain nodded his agreement. _Moghedien was cruel above all else. It would have been more pleasing to her to see Naeva broken by suffering_. "I suppose that is logical enough. Regardless, I recommend we take caution lest there be another whose schemes involve you. It would have to be a more powerful Forsaken, if she was willing to follow their command. There are still potential threats and we must remain vigilant."

Gon crossed his arms, expression hard. "Naeva's on edge enough in this place. Nobody's gonna get anywhere close to her unless she wants them to. Plus, she's got all of us looking out for her. We take care of each other without you needing to remind us."

Alluka nodded emphatically at those words and Naeva turned a grateful smile to Gon. Killua only looked thoughtful – and as wary as ever. Logain found the group of them to be peculiarly impressive. The three could not channel, and yet they carried themselves as if their own strengths were superior. Perhaps it was mere youthful bravery, and then perhaps it was something greater than that. _Odd, either way. This Mirror World of theirs must be more different than I can imagine._

Logain cleared his throat. He had mustered courage to address the more urgent issue first, but it was not what disturbed him the most. "I know that you were tortured under the _a'dam,_ that rather goes without saying." Her attention swiveled back to him smoothly. He was glad to see she appeared bolstered by Gon's quick defense of her. _Now I need to ask about what I want to believe is unthinkable._ "Did Moghedien also have you beaten physically?"

Naeva did not seem at all shaken by the question. "On occasion. Usually she would do it herself, when her mood was most severe."

 _Usually._ Logain lowered his voice and did his best to choose his words mindfully. "Did Moghedien order her Shadowspawn to hurt you?"

"Sometimes, yes," Naeva said. "Not the Trollocs, for she did not trust them to keep their blows from killing me."

Logain could not restrain the wave of nausea that overtook him. "The Myrddraal, then?" She nodded once. "Did they ever do more than beat you?" _Light help me if the answer is yes. I will raze the Blight alone and never mind the consequences. She was only a child – burn them all!_

Her eyes widened, both horror and reluctance in her expression. "You are- the answer is _no_. No, nothing like that ever..." The weakness in her voice was painful, but he felt confident even as her words trailed away that she was telling him the truth.

Logain slumped in relief. He lowered his head to his hands and closed his eyes.

"I don't understand what he's getting at." That was Killua's voice, and it made him look back up. The young man appeared mightily distressed.

"You do not need to." Naeva gave her friend a wan, serious look. "Please, take me at my word that it is unimportant."

"These Myrddraal... you both make them sound like they're pure evil." Alluka put in. She seemed even more worried than the other two. He wondered if she was the only one to have read the subtext there.

"Pure evil is exactly how you should think of them." Logain took it upon himself to elaborate. These three had no experience of a world with Shadowspawn, and that lack of knowledge could be dangerous to them. "Unlike most other Shadowspawn, Myrddraal display intelligence and even willingness to defy orders if they think they will not be caught. Trollocs will cook humans alive for their supper, to sate their hunger. They are too stupid to care about being cruel. Contrarily, Myrddraal enjoy the pain they inflict. A Myrddraal will torture a man for sport, and take pleasure in-"

"Enough, Logain!" Naeva snapped. She sat rigidly straight-backed, now. The glare she fixed him with was commanding enough to be worthy of any Queen. It did not escape his notice that she had spared the title and addressed him directly by name, either. "There will be no more talk of Shadowspawn." _Even with her friends, she wishes to withhold as much as she can._

Gon blinked at her in plain surprise. "But what's-"

"Don't," Killua cut in. "Let it go, Gon." He must have pieced it together now, for his confusion was gone and his body was tense. In fact, the look on his face was chilling. Logain was not easily rattled, but a tremor of unease coursed through him at the darkness in the young man's eyes. Killua looked ready to deal a killing blow, if only lacking in a suitable target. _I_ _thought him as fearsome as a Warder before, but that comparison is too weak. There is more to him._ That malevolent fury focused on Logain. "Are you done indulging your own guilt?"

Naeva looked suddenly queasy, herself. "Killua-"

"I don't want to hear it. Not right now." For all the ire that his voice carried, Killua's violent gaze softened dramatically when he looked over to her. "I think I need to go calm down." Then he was opening the door five paces away from where he had been standing. The movement was so swift that Logain's eyes caught none of it.

"Wait!" Naeva stood abruptly, and the pleading in the single word was such that Killua did pause. "You will be pestered by the Aes Sedai if you go out there alone."

Logain's forearms pricked with gooseflesh and seconds later a Gateway opened in the room. All he could see through it was grass and blue sky, so it may as well have been anywhere. "Naeva, you cannot-"

Naeva whirled to him. There was no more anger in her eyes, but the misery that had replaced it was worse. "M'Hael, I have great respect for you. That said, you must not attempt to tell me what I can and cannot do." When he said nothing, she nodded satisfaction. "I do not mind conversing further with you at another time, but for now I need a break. Will you be returning to the Black Tower?"

Logain steeled his own expression. "Yes. You will seek me out there, Naeva-Sedai?"

"After I have concluded my business here and in Malkier, yes. There is a good deal yet that I must set to rights." Naeva tried for another smile, if only a slight one.

Logain stood. "Take care in the meanwhile. I am more glad than I can convey to see you alive and well. For pressing you today, I apologize. You have my assurance that it will not happen again."

"Thank you, M'Hael. Please take care of yourself, as well." Naeva curtsied and he observed for the first time how ludicrously oversized her dress was. It pooled on the floor around her feet as she straightened up and addressed her friends. "I thought some fresh air might be nice." She gestured to her Gateway.

As Gon and Alluka rose, Logain turned to finally leave this awful place. The door was still ajar, but he blinked in shock that Killua was no longer anywhere near it. When he looked around, the young man's back was just visible at a distance through the Gateway. The other three were only now stepping through to join him. _A very strange group they are..._ Gon's confident assurance replayed in his mind as he watched the Gateway retract and vanish. _So young, all of them, yet I do believe they would protect one another. I am curious to know more about that Mirror World._

* * *

Naeva was the last to walk through her Gateway. She closed her eyes a moment to enjoy the gentle breeze across her face. Then she opened them to regard Killua, who had stalked off to sit himself down in the grass atop a rounded hill. _I should have expected Logain would want something like that. Why does nobody trust that I am handling my own issues?_ She picked up her skirt so that she would not trip herself up walking and offered Gon and Alluka what she hoped was a suitably reassuring smile. "Will you please wait here a moment?"

Alluka glanced behind herself to the wide, glittering lake, then back at her brother. Naeva had the feeling she had intuited the same conclusion Killua had, but unlike him she reserved her temper for when it was necessary. That her past held gruesomeness was nothing more or less than distant fact. Her best friend had always been kind enough to respect her wish that it remain so. When Gon opened his mouth, Alluka took his hand in hers and smiled up at him. "Gon-kun, let's go and sit by the lake."

Gon relented with a nod of his head. Still, as they turned to go he glanced backward over his shoulder at her. "I don't know what's going on exactly, but I understand that you don't want to talk about it. Just go make Killua feel better, okay?"

Naeva matched his sober look as best she could. "I shall." Without delaying any longer, she started toward Killua. _I am sure he does not want to speak to me at all. He was already struggling to deal with this blasted world. I would that the topic of Myrddraal had not come up, but now that it has I can hardly expect him to feign ignorance._ She climbed the rise and folded herself down on the grass beside Killua, settling her skirt so that she was not sitting on it. For several minutes they only looked out over the landscape together.

He was still plainly upset, but his violet eyes were not as dark as they had been before stepping through the Gateway. After a quiet while, Killua slid his gaze over to her. "Where even are we?"

"Malkier. This spot is an hour's ride south from the capital where I was born." Naeva smiled, distracted by the pleasant memories that the location provided. "My father had little tolerance for politicking, and sometimes he would bring me out here to escape from it all. This was the first place he began teaching me to use a sword."

"What was he like?" There was innocent curiosity in the question, but still Killua grimaced after it left him. "If you don't mind me asking."

"Though he may have denied it and he certainly looked anything but, Al'Lan was quite softhearted. Contradiction was a part of his nature. Papa would always be extra gentle with me, even when I deserved a scolding. He enjoyed poetry more than battle, although many named him the finest swordsman alive. There was no peril he would not have gladly thrown himself at alone if it would prevent putting others at risk – not at all a useful trait in someone expected to command armies." Her vision misted and she blinked the memories away. "We were close."

Killua shifted so that he was sitting cross-legged and facing her. His look was so scrutinous that she compulsively corrected her posture. "It sounds to me like the two of you were similar." She felt her eyes widen. He smirked – if only halfheartedly. "Except for that part about being extra gentle. I've never seen you spare someone a scolding they deserved." That wrought a laugh from her and he smiled more genuinely.

Naeva stretched out her legs and adjusted her skirt to bare them to the knees – there was no one nearby with ridiculous impropriety standards she would have to meet, and the sunshine was blissful on her skin. She fell backward to lie on the soft grass and stare up at the blue sky. "I should have taken Logain up on his offer to go someplace else and talk without you having to hear any of it. For that, I am sorry." When that was met with only silence, she glanced over at him.

Killua was glowering again, eyes focused far ahead of their little hilltop. He must have sensed her attention, for he swiveled his glare to her. "That's a really stupid thing to apologize for."

Naeva returned his glare with one of her own. "I did not want you to be faced with more than was necessary. There is slim chance we will encounter any Shadowspawn, and I had hoped that we might avoid the flaming subject entirely. I am apologizing because-"

"Because if you had it your way, none of us would ever have the slightest clue about any of this," Killua interrupted her, voice trembling in his frustration. "I'm so sick of not knowing anything. Tell me about Myrddraal – if I see one, I'd like to be able to identify it for what it is."

 _We will not see any!_ Uncomfortable with how obstinately she was behaving, Naeva focused on the sky again and forced the answer out. "A Myrddraal looks like a tall, pale man, with only smooth skin where a human has eyes. They dress in black cloaks that are untouched by wind, travel unnoticed through shadows, and carry a tainted black blade that will kill with the tiniest cut unless an immediate Healing is performed. A Myrddraal is quick. Not on your level, of course, but then nothing really is." She frowned, then made herself finish, "There is a saying in the Borderlands, that 'the look of the eyeless is fear'. That is true. If you stare at where its eyes should be, the unnatural panic is almost irrepressible. They can only be killed via beheading, and it is safest to dismember them."

"The M'Hael called them intelligent," Killua said slowly. "Just how smart are they?"

"Not very – only in comparison with other Shadowspawn." Naeva clarified. "Myrddraal can communicate, manipulate, and form strategies. For that reason they are given authority over lesser creatures like Trollocs that act on little more than instinct."

"Do Myrddraal really-" His voice was low while he struggled with what he was trying to say. "-I don't want to be right about what I think Logain was implying. You were just a kid, and-"

"It did not happen." Naeva wished there was more strength in her own voice, but it was not an easy matter to discuss under the best of circumstances. Images surfaced in her thoughts and her every sense seemed determined to remember vividly what she wanted only to suppress. Altogether, she considered it fortunate that she managed as well as she did. "A hollow threat, meant only to frighten me. It was nothing." _It was only once, anyhow. One whisper in my ear – one skeletal hand holding my wrists behind my back and then one rasping laugh. When I wept it only tossed me aside and kicked me across the ground._

There was another long silence while Killua processed that. Naeva did not have the nerve to sit back up and look at him, so she only waited patiently for him to respond. Finally, she heard him emit a small noise of vexation. "How can you honestly say it's nothing?" he snapped.

Naeva was unsure of how to answer. _Maybe it is not precisely 'nothing', but it_ is _unimportant. I survived and I am fine now. Why can that not be enough?_ "What do you wish to hear from me? That I was afraid? I was."

"That isn't- damn it Naeva, will you look at me?" Killua's face blocked out her view of the sky as he leaned over to glare down at her. "I'm the one freaking out here, I get it. I shouldn't be taking it out on you." His jaw clenched and then he flopped backward onto the grass beside her, finishing in a low grumble, "Terrible things happen. And I _know_ that, I just... I'm allowed to be angry when terrible things happen to my friends."

Naeva had been held rather speechless with him glowering down at her, so it was an immense relief when he ceased. Additionally, she was glad that at least some of his anger had been vented away. "It was so long ago." She rolled onto her side to look at him. He had his forearm thrown across his eyes to block out the sun. "There is no call for you to be retroactively angry about events that are well buried in the past."

"I don't care. If you're going to be so damn-" Killua made an effort to temper the growl in his voice. "-unconcerned about it, someone should be angry on your behalf."

Naeva reached out to lay her hand atop his where it rested on the grass. "That is simply unreasonable." Killua stiffened, then lifted his arm to peer at her skeptically. Naeva smiled with as much optimism as she was capable. "I shall not be allowing you to skulk about bitterly for the next six weeks."

Killua sighed. "I'm not unreasonable, or bitter. If I skulk about, it's gonna be with completely _reasonable_ outrage _._ " There was a trace of sarcasm in his tone on that last – she was quite grateful to hear it. His hand turned palm up and Killua curled his fingers around her own. "At least promise me that if we do see any Myrddraal I can rip them apart."

The breeze seemed more chill suddenly and it took her a second to realize it was because her cheeks were damp. Naeva sat up hastily. She did not let go of Killua's hand, but swiped her other arm across her face to scrub away the tears with a baggy silk sleeve. _So much for my offering comfort. All I needed to do was set his mind at ease so we could bloody well move past it._ Her eyes just would not stop watering, and to compound her frustration she was not even sure why what he had said should have affected her so.

"I shouldn't have..." Killua's hand tightened around hers and he sat up. "No, I'm not sorry." He somehow made a glare look well meaning. "You always try to hide everything! Do you actually think I'd judge you for crying over some freaky monster wanting to rape you?" At once, the blood drained from his face along with all of his ire.

"I did not bring us out here so I could cry!" Naeva shouted. The defenses that kept those ancient hurts at bay were crumbling; that was unbearable. "Do you think I have not cried enough already? It was all that I could do! I cried because I was powerless, because I hurt, because I could _not_ save myself from any of it! I do not w-want to-" Her voice broke and the hateful tears just would not stop. _It was so long ago!_ Naeva wrenched her hand free and pulled herself to her feet. She stalked down the other side of the hill to get away from everyone – away from him. _Burn me, burn it all!_

And then there Killua was right in front of her before she could even make it halfway down, his expression wracked with remorse. Naeva reacted, drawing on Saidar and weaving Air to hold his jaw closed so that she would not have to hear whatever he had to say. It was petty, mean, childish, and she knew that but she did it anyway. When his eyes rounded in shock she only brushed past him to continue down the hill.

Killua appeared to block her path again just as she reached level ground. His skin had flushed with anger, which was so much easier to face than pity. He glared at her and she glared right back.

 _'Just go make Killua feel better, okay?'_ Gon's voice sounded off in her mind and Naeva sagged, instantly defeated. _What am I doing?_ She released her flow of Air and sat down in a jerky motion, hugging her knees to her chest.

Killua rubbed at the hinge of his jaw. "You _-_ "

"I lost my temper, and I apologize." Naeva lowered her face, emotionally drained. "All I wanted was to calm you down." She was bracing herself for a scathing response, but none came. When she dared a glance up at Killua his eyes were closed, chest heaving with deep breaths.

"You're so impossible," Killua muttered. He knelt so that they were on an even level and locked his gaze on hers. "Let's make sure we get this straight, because I'm seriously questioning your sanity right now." He pointed at himself. "I got upset because of something a Myrddraal did that hurt you _._ " He turned his wrist to point at her next. "And _you're_ trying to take responsibility for all of it – for what happened, for Logain bringing it up, for my realizing it, and for the way I reacted."

Naeva frowned. "That is hardly fair. You make me sound-" She straightened herself, a spark of pride rekindling her indignation. "-you are deliberately trying to provoke my temper!"

"Yep, although I do stand by my assessment." Killua smirked and went so far as to flick her forehead, earning himself a wrathful look. "I was trying to provoke anything, really, but temper's about what I expected."

"Why?" Naeva worked hard to keep her voice from shaking on the single word.

"Because I can't stand watching you struggle to hold everything back," Killua said gently. "Maybe it was easy at home, but here you're going to be reminded of and confronted by this stuff constantly. So I want you to cry, or yell at me, or do anything else that helps you actually _deal_ with it instead of just burying it all away."

That was far kinder and more honest than anything she had been prepared to hear – she did not want to hear it. Naeva turned her face away to stare over the landscape. "I am good at burying it away. If it is all in the past, then what is the harm in doing so?"

"Just because it's in the past doesn't mean it isn't affecting you still. I can't believe I even have to say that." The light touch of his hand on her cheek made her look back at him. There was a complexity of emotion in his eyes. "I'm worried you're going to implode one day." Killua smiled wryly as if that might have been a jest, though his tone was nothing but solemn.

 _No, he is wrong. It does not affect me any longer. I passed the testing and I proved that to myself!_ Naeva felt dangerously on edge – the look in his eyes, the kindness of his words, her own frantic thoughts – all of it was just too much. "I do not need to cry over any of it." Even as she said that, tears stung at her eyes. She seized the Void and cushioned herself in that dispassionate emptiness.

Killua pulled his hand back slowly, with the slightest frown.

Naeva stood and brushed down the cream dress with steady hands. "We ought return, now. Gon and Alluka likely heard me shout and will want to know that we have both calmed down."

After a moment's hesitation during which he only stared up at her, Killua gave a tiny nod of assent and rose to his own feet.


	10. Glory of the Gambler

Naeva studied her reflection in the mirror glumly. This was the third and final day they would spend in the White Tower. She had been assigned quarters in the wing of the White Ajah and had bought new clothes to replace the ill-fitting borrowed dress. The one she wore now was gray silk embroidered with thread of silver only over the tight sleeves. Its high collar buttoned all the way up her neck. The long skirt was divided for riding and although that did not afford her the mobility she treasured in her denim jeans, it was better than nothing.

She stood holding a thin pointed brush in an upraised hand. Planting a hopeful smile on her face, Naeva turned to Moiraine. "I believe white would be acceptable."

Moiraine plucked the brush right from her hand and dipped it into the blue paint, then placed the _ki'sain_ between her eyebrows. "It must be blue."

Naeva frowned at her reflection. "Blue sends a very particular impression to southerners. There will be enough of that nonsense without my appearing to encourage it."

Alluka stepped up beside the two of them. She was wearing one of her own new dresses, lavender colored silk that draped from her shoulders just beneath her collarbones and flared outward at the empire waistline. Tiny moondrops lined the hems, each framed within a delicately embroidered flower blossom. "I doubt it'll matter if you just keep glaring at everything. You have a very good glare, Naeva-chan. I'm sure they'll notice that more than the little blue dot." She grinned, and Naeva returned the expression.

Moiraine shook her head at the two of them. "You are going to make my job exceedingly difficult, El'Naeva."

She made an effort to look contrite. "That is not my intention."

Moiraine nodded once. "I know this is not easy for you, but please bear in mind that I am on your side."

"Your allegiance is to the King, Moiraine," Naeva said.

"My allegiance is to the Kingdom," Moiraine corrected her patiently. "I have near as much duty to the Heir as I do the King."

"Light willing, I shall not be the Heir much longer."

"Do not go into this with your hackles raised. Al'Deval lo- he cares for you." It was only the slightest stumble, but for someone who selected her every word as mindfully as Moiraine did, it was very telling. Her lips had frozen involuntarily around the word 'love'. An indomitable oath made it impossible for her to speak anything that she knew to be untrue.

 _It is alright, Moiraine. There has never been love between Deval and I, and it is as much my doing as it is his._ Naeva could not quite bring herself to say that aloud. Certainly not in front of Alluka, who treasured her own brother and suffered the outright contempt of everyone else in her family. _I never even tried to understand my brother. He values duty as highly as I value freedom, and the both of us too prideful for our own good._

A knock sounded at the door to pull her from her troubled thoughts. Alluka rushed to answer it, looking grateful for the distraction. As Naeva had been expecting, it was Killua and Gon who shuffled in. The boys were forced to share a room in the crowded barracks that housed Warders in training, and there was a lot of ground to cover between the barracks and her own room in the Tower proper.

Gon looked dapper in a forest green vest embroidered with thread of gold and matching woolen britches. His cream colored shirt was laced neatly, his brown boots polished so that they gleamed. She had been impressed by how easily he wore the uncomfortable clothes of this world, but then Gon was never really one to complain about small matters.

Killua, as if to provide deliberate contrast, kept tugging irritably at his clothing. His coat was blue brocade, cropped short in the Domani fashion. He had secured every silver toggle up the front. The sleeves were cuffed back and trimmed with white lace that draped his wrists. The britches he wore were snug, black with a trail of thorny silver vines embroidered up the sides. _His_ boots were already scuffed at the toes from his propensity to kick at things.

"You both look very fine today," Moiraine said. "I believe we may actually succeed at passing you off as young and exotic Lords."

Killua scowled and tried to stuff his hands into pockets that did not exist in those britches. He covered the gaff quite subtly by slipping his thumbs through his belt loops instead.

Gon grinned and bobbed his head. "Thank you, Moiraine-Sedai. It does feel pretty fancy."

Moiraine glided over to him and laid her palm upon his cheek, dark eyes sparkling like the gem on her forehead. "My, but you are a pleasant young man. If I did not already have a Warder..." She laughed softly as she lowered her hand.

Alluka's expression fell into a frown. She brushed her fingers self-consciously over her curled hair. Moiraine had styled it for her into a high Cairhienin up-do after Alluka had shyly remarked at how lovely it looked. The frown appeared mostly for Gon, and the chuffed looking grin on his face after Moiraine's compliment. _Light, Moiraine could at least have warned her that she was going to try meddling._

Naeva put on a smile and willed the expression to be more excited than mischievous. "Alluka-chan," her best friend looked over and Naeva offered a surreptitious wink before continuing, "do not be so nervous. You are very good at the steps I taught you." She picked up her friend's hand and twirled her around once, although it was not particularly easy to twirl someone so much taller than herself. "I have a bet going with Moiraine on how many Princes are going to ask you to dance."

"What?" Gon was fighting admirably against a grimace, his eyes locked on Alluka.

Killua's gaze darted between the four of them, and when it landed on her he frowned.

Naeva tried for a look of innocence. "Moiraine wagered two Tar Valon Crowns that Alluka would dance with at least four of the six unmarried Princes attending the Ball. I put my gold on three or less, because I know how cowardly Princes can be. Alluka is simply too beautiful for any save a few to risk their egos asking her."

Moiraine covered her lips with a slim hand to disguise her smile. They had no such wager, but Naeva trusted her not to give the gambit away.

Gon put a hand to his chin, expression something close to calculating. "Naeva, is it too late to take you up on the offer for dance lessons?"

Alluka was positively beaming now.

Naeva appeared to consider the request, then shrugged. "I am willing to offer what time I have left before we Travel. In fact, it would serve as a most welcome distraction." She instilled her voice with some eagerness. "Alluka-chan can help! She deserves the opportunity to practice with someone who is not shorter than she is." That last, she may have added too wryly.

"I recommend you include Killua in this lesson," Moiraine said sagely. "His brooding is likely to attract as many dance partners as it deters."

Killua served her a flat look. "I don't brood."

"Most men who brood are insistent that they do not." Moiraine spoke with a smile.

It took a tremendous effort, but Naeva managed to keep herself from laughing.

Moiraine ignored Killua's dumbfounded expression. "Excuse my making an abrupt departure, but I have my own business to attend to before we depart Tar Valon." She made to leave, but then lingered in the threshold with her hand on the door. "Oh, I intended to mention-" She turned back to plant a serene stare on Naeva. "-that the Lord Girald Damodred sur Paendrag Paeron sent an unexpected correspondence to the Al'Cairi Palace this morning. It seems he will be in attendance for the wedding, despite his earlier claim that a prior obligation prevented him from doing so."

Naeva narrowed her eyes, confused and more than a little bothered by that faux-casual remark. "Why should I care what Girald does or does not do? He is a Light-blasted cur."

Moiraine's composure did not waver, but her tone became chiding. " _Language_ , El'Naeva." Just as quickly, her voice brightened again. "Information from my sources in Mayene suggests that this change of decision was motivated by the rumor of your reappearance. I merely thought you should be informed, given the history between you two." She pursed her lips. "Curious, is it not? A cur who knows an Aes Sedai has it out for him ought rightly steer clear of her path, yet Lord Girald seeks you out. One of those pretenses must be false."

Naeva opened her mouth to argue, but Moiraine swept away and closed the door behind her. _I will not be lured into her daes dae'mar plot. Moiraine says she is on my side, ha!_

Gon turned a bewildered look on her. "Who's Girald Damo-der-eed sur... this person with a very long name?"

Naeva sniffed. "Girald is only one more fool Lord in a Palace that will be full of them." She deliberately changed the subject. "Teaching the two of you correct Malkieri dance pattern will be easier with music. I propose we escape the White Tower for a few hours and find a common room to visit in Tar Valon." She went to her desk to retrieve her belt pouch. The coinage it held – a portion of her family wealth distributed to her by Moiraine – would more than suffice to have an enjoyable day in the city.

"It was my understanding that the Amyrlin didn't want you going anywhere outside of Tower grounds." The quick sharpness in Killua's words made her turn to fix him with a cool glare.

"Hence my using the word 'escape'," Naeva said. _I suppose that_ _Mirror of Mists will be necessary._ First she scrubbed the blue _ki'sain_ from between her brows – not at all petulantly – and then she clapped her hands. Her hair lightened to white-blonde and her skin paled, the gray-blue of her eyes flickering to dark brown. She made sure the weaves were inverted. If they were spotted by an Aes Sedai, it would not be possible for them to see that she was disguising herself. When Naeva whirled back around it was with a confident smile. "I shall not be recognizable."

Alluka and Gon rather goggled at her, but Killua only scowled.

"I keep expecting you'll run out of new tricks." Gon grinned.

"I'd love to see more of the city!" Alluka put in with enthusiasm. She favored her brother with a sweet look. "Wouldn't you, Onii-chan?"

Killua couldn't maintain his dour expression with Alluka smiling at him like that. "Okay, fine. I won't turn down the chance to get away from these uptight Aes Sedai for a while."

Naeva laughed, her mood considerably uplifted. She placed a ward around her room so that no one would be allowed entry while she was gone and simultaneously wove a Gateway above the rug that opened to a place well outside Tower grounds. Years ago she had often used the spot to sneak out, so she hoped it would still be secluded enough from prying eyes. "Shall we?" Naeva grabbed her skirt up in a bundle so that it would not billow and then jumped through.

Gon was the first to land beside her, but Killua – holding his sister – was only an instant behind.

They were in the shade between two busy taverns on the southern side of the island. If anyone had spotted her Gateway, they would merely have dismissed it as a fairly normal occurrence. Still, she hoped they had not been spotted. For just today – it might be the last opportunity until they were all able to leave this world – she wanted to pass as a common girl. Well, maybe her dress was a tad too rich for a common girl. An average Lady, then. Naeva pulled the Great Serpent ring off of her finger and stowed it safely in her belt pouch. _Today is the perfect day to take them out to the city._

Killua set Alluka back on her feet. She did a happy spin, skirt swirling about her ankles. "It's going to be way more fun dancing with some music."

Naeva smiled. She could already hear dim noises of merriment from the taverns on either side of them. "This is only the second time I have ever ventured to an ordinary common room. Uncle Mat took me, once, but it was to be a secret between us. My mother would have been furious."

Killua shot her an inquisitive look. "Just what kind of place are we talking about?"

" _Lyet_ , and you shall see." Naeva hurried to step out from the shadows of the buildings. To their right, a hanging sign proclaimed 'The Cartman's Respite' and to the left, 'Glory Of The Gambler'. Plenty of other taverns were spread along this strip of the city, but the left sign had rather won her over on principle. Additionally, the music sounding from within was being performed by someone with skill. She started off and beckoned for everyone else to follow.

* * *

Killua held his sister by the hand as they entered 'Glory Of The Gambler' behind Naeva and Gon. It was basically a bar, complete with a number of tipsy patrons and a stage in the back upon which a young man played a jovial tune from his flute. Most of the customers were gathered around low tables and tossing dice to mixed cries of jubilation and defeat. _Aptly named, I guess._

Naeva waved over a gold-haired woman in what he couldn't help noticing was a very low cut dress. "Pardon me," Naeva started with a smile, "would you please have a pitcher of spiced wine brought for us?"

The woman dropped a curtsy. "O' course, m'Lady. Right away."

Killua stared too long after the woman as she scurried off. _This place. That waitress... I wonder if she ever got any kind of education. Maybe she hates working in a bar. Maybe she hates wearing that dress. Which is more to blame, the class division or the rampant misogyny? It says a lot that even the channeling women feel the need to keep armed men at their side like chaperones._

"We can sit for a moment or two." Naeva's voice brought him out of his musings. She did seem happy to be out and about, and that was nice to see. "I do not expect we will need to spend all of our time here on my giving you lessons." She led them to sit at the table nearest the stage. Her gaze was drawn repeatedly to watch the young musician. "He is good." It was an offhand comment, but the gleam that lit her eyes showed she meant it.

"It's such a pretty song." Alluka grinned at the fair haired flutist and he noticed her attention, offering a wink. It was fortuitous for the man that he caught Killua's glare next and decided to hastily look away.

The waitress returned almost as soon as they were seated. She delivered a steaming silver pitcher – real silver, but it boasted an impressive number of dings and dents – to their table with four matching mugs that were at least clean. "Here you are m'Lords, m'Ladies."

"Jeez, what's the drinking age here? That lady didn't even ask us how old we were," Gon wondered aloud after the waitress had left them, blinking at the sweet smelling wine. That was an interesting ethical quandary for him to have noted, in the wake of everything else.

Naeva gave the answer while she poured wine and distributed the mugs. "There is no set drinking age in Tar Valon, nor in most lands. If you are old enough to wander into a tavern such as this, you are old enough to order what you please."

Killua swirled the dark liquid in his silver mug. The aroma was decidedly nice, and the first sip proved it tasted as sweet and spicy as the scent intimated. "Not bad."

Gon downed his cup of wine in a hurry. "It'll help. Dancing in front of all these people..."

"I think you're a good dancer already, Gon-kun. You'll learn the Malkieri style easy." Alluka smiled and Gon's cheeks flushed as he poured himself a second glass. _Huh. He doesn't normally get embarrassed over things like this._

Naeva was more focused on watching the performance than on drinking any of her wine. When the last notes of the flute trailed away, she called out to the musician, "Do you know Colors of the Sun?"

The man paused, eyed her up and down with a greedy scrutiny that Killua didn't care for, then bowed. "I do, my Lady. A fine request on such a beautiful day."

"Might I join you on the zither?" Naeva aimed a beguiling smile at him.

The musician darted a nervous glance between Gon and Killua before nodding. "It would be a pleasure. Provided your companions have no protest?"

Naeva bristled up in immediate irritation, which was amusing. "It was _I_ who asked." She stood and climbed the steps to the stage, where she retrieved a square guitar-ish instrument from where it leaned against the wall. "What is your name?"

The man bowed again, adding a flourish with his flute. "I am Indoral Ayvikin, my Lady."

Naeva inclined her head. "Master Indoral, you play the flute very well. Would you prefer to sing?"

Indoral waved his hands. "I have not the voice to match my talent with the flute. If you would be so gracious, you may sing the lyrics."

"Very well." Naeva gave the instrument a single strum before adjusting the tuning to her liking. She tapped her foot in an even rhythm and Indoral lifted his own instrument to his lips to begin matching her tempo.

The new song was jauntier than the first – more celebratory. Naeva's fingers plucked lightly at the strings of the zither, and she smiled. Then she began to sing.

_The sky so blue this summer morn,_

_No bluer than your eyes._

_The grass more green than e'er before,_

_And lo, it makes you sigh._

_Your hair as fair as fine gold lace,_

_It gleams to catch my gaze._

_The misty water frothing gray,_

_As churned by gentle waves._

_All these colors I can see,_

_Are colors of the sun._

_Oh, might you deign to talk with me,_

_Of colors of the sun?_

_For yours are brightest of them all,_

_The Light doth make you glow._

_And if you speak my heart may fall,_

_Too far to let you go._

_All the colors that you see,_

_Are colors of the sun._

_Oh, say you see them shine in me,_

_These colors of the sun._

Her voice had grown more enthusiastic as she went on, and by the end nearly every patron in the bar was singing along with her. They cheered as the song played to a close, many of the dancers leaning over the stage to drop silver coins into the man's open flute case.

Killua clapped along with the rest. It was the first time he'd ever heard Naeva sing a song from her childhood, and it really was a stark contrast to the music from home. He found suddenly that he felt more relaxed than he had been any point since their frantic arrival in this world. It was disconcerting to feel a scowl melt away that he hadn't even known he'd been carrying around. _I guess it's no wonder Moiraine said I was brooding._

Indoral beamed appreciatively as he dropped his lowest bow yet to Naeva. "Please, forgive my earlier reluctance. It was an honor to perform with you, my Lady." His eyes darted to the considerable growth of wealth in his flute case. "Might you be inclined to join me for a few more songs?"

"I must decline, Master Indoral. I did thoroughly enjoy the chance to play, but I have my own purpose to be about." Naeva set the zither back against the wall. "If you would, I only ask that you continue to give us fine music for dancing."

Indoral had obvious regret in his obliging smile. When Naeva turned to go, he all but leaped from the stage to assist her down the stairs. She seemed somewhat miffed about that, but accepted his proffered arm with a tolerant inclination of her head. The flutist escorted her back to the table and even pulled her chair back out, only returning to the stage once she was sitting down again.

"Naeva-chan, that was wonderful!" Alluka cooed.

Naeva blushed – more prominent on her artificially pale skin than it might've been otherwise. "I may never have such opportunity again, so I thought that I should take advantage while we are here." Her lips twitched into a smile and she lowered her voice. "It was quite unexpected to hear so many drunken gamblers take up the words as they did."

Gon laughed. "It made me wish I'd known the words, too." He had finished his second cup of wine during the song, his earlier awkwardness apparently forgotten.

The flute was playing a jolly tune with a medium tempo. Naeva took a long drink from her mug and then set it back down to eye the three of them. "Are you all ready to begin?"

Alluka bounded to her feet, then seemed embarrassed by her own enthusiasm. "I'm ready, Naeva-chan." She held out her hand to tug her best friend up.

Gon took the cue to stand and Killua did so much more reluctantly. _This is ridiculous. I'm not going to be dancing at that damn Ball, and if the nobles want to be offended they can go right ahead._ He fumbled with his hands over where pockets should have been and settled for crossing his arms instead.

Naeva tugged Gon around the table and prodded both he and Alluka closer to the stage. "Gon will surely be a more cooperative student, so I shall leave him to your capable tutoring, Alluka-chan." His sister grinned at her best friend, probably elated by the compliment. Naeva settled the two together before turning back to Killua. "Come along then, woolhead. I expect Moiraine will be asking you to dance just to test whether I have been an efficient teacher, and I will _not_ have you besmirching my ability." She crooked a finger at him.

Killua rolled his eyes, but he did drag his feet forward to join her.

Naeva walked a circle around him. "You shall have to straighten your posture." Her hands pulled his shoulders back and down. "Puff out your chest a little and lift your chin to extend your neck."

Killua glowered. "This is the stupidest-"

"It is not so difficult. Gon is giving it his best." Naeva spoke only lightly, but the twinkle in her eyes was nothing short of an outright taunt. "I have seen you conquer challenges that should have been impossible. Are you truly going to balk over a little dancing, Killua?" She put her hand beneath his chin to push it up.

 _Fine. I can do this._ It was irritating that she was trying to provoke his competitiveness, and even more irritating that it worked. Steeling his spine, Killua decided to give in and accept it as a challenge. "Okay, what next?" He hoped his eyes matched the intensity in hers, but it wasn't easy to peer down at her without lowering his chin again.

Naeva smiled and took up his hands. One of them she lifted to his shoulder level and held clasped with her own. "It is very important that you have your thumb on the inside, like this, and do not let your hand droop." She guided his left arm around her and placed his hand against the small of her back. "Keep your touch light, for it may cause a ruckus if some fool Lady claims that you pressed her indecently close."

 _Damn it, Naeva, you're having fun with this._ Killua thought he'd been doing an admirable job of restraining the heat that threatened to flush his cheeks at having his arm around her like that, but the casual quip did him in and he knew his face was pink.

Naeva didn't seem to notice his humiliation, looking down at his feet as she was. "Now, step forward with your right foot first. Be sure that you shorten your stride for-" Her lips curved into a frown and she finished what she had been saying in a sulky murmur. "-for anyone as short as I am."

He smirked. It was good to know that she wasn't entirely as composed as she appeared. Killua judged the distance and put his right foot forward.

Naeva followed automatically, stepping back with her left. "Perfect. Right forward first, then left, then back with the right while you turn to your left – about forty-five degrees." When he didn't move again right away, she looked up at him and arched an eyebrow. "Remember that you must lead, Killua. If you find _my_ jibes vexing, just you wait until some flighty girl mocks you for-"

"I get it." Killua stepped as she instructed. The directions were simple enough, and the tempo that the flute set was easy to match.

When he glanced down to be sure he wasn't striding too far, Naeva shook her head. "Step confidently. Staring at your own feet will not help you if you miss something in your periphery and bump into someone."

Killua forced himself to relax and straighten his neck again. They fell into rhythm with the song and, after a short while, he almost felt natural about it. "Is that all? That was easy." He asked, and her gaze fastened intently back on his own. _If she's worried about me being able to focus on my peripheral vision, she really shouldn't stare at me like that._

"It is enough," Naeva answered with a slow smile. "With these basic steps, you will be fine. Fancier moves are unnecessary."

His sister's giggle drew his attention and Killua let his eyes slide over to Alluka and Gon. His best friend twirled Alluka about gracefully, grinning all the while. _Show off._ "Go ahead," Killua grumbled. "I can tolerate learning a few fancier moves." The flute transitioned into a new tune with only the barest pause between. Killua had to quicken his steps now to keep up.

"I only thought you would not want to, not that you were incapable," Naeva said softly. "Count the forward steps you take with your right foot. On the sixth, lift your right hand above my head and spin me once. As you do so, move your left foot beside your right and we will not miss a beat."

Killua began counting with the rhythm. _One. Isn't she going to look back down? Two. Keep my touch light. Three. Oops, was I- four._ He forced away the extraneous thoughts and refused to focus on anything but the count. _Five... Six._ He lifted their clasped hands and Naeva twirled, pivoting on her left foot as he was stepping forward with his own. The motion ran his hand across her waist and he wondered if he should have moved it. Then they were stepping back into the simple, looping routine. "Did I-"

"That was excellent!" Naeva interrupted. "You do take to it well, Killua. I suppose I ought not be surprised, given how light of step you are normally."

He would've blushed again, but it was difficult to even focus on the praise. _Why am I letting myself be flustered? It's just Naeva._ Another cycle, and he spun her around once again. The smile that curved his own lips was involuntary. His hand on the small of her back felt very warm. Probably that was the friction from it brushing across the silk of her dress.

Naeva was all poise again as she offered more instruction. "Next, spin me one and a half times. As you step backward I will step backward with you. Then, on the following pace forward you and I will both twirl."

"Okay." Killua tried to puzzle out how that was going to work in his mind, but at least it sounded doable. He spun her once, and half again so that she was facing away from him. His hand rested on her abdomen and hers settled atop it. They stepped back together. As they went forward he lifted their linked hands, turning on his right foot. When they faced each other on the next beat she fell into the more familiar hold. Killua grinned – feeling a little triumphant, despite himself. "Nailed it."

Naeva laughed. "You are good enough already to not look clumsy beside Moiraine, and that is about as high a compliment as I can give."

Killua thought of Moiraine's effortlessly gliding movement and decided that Naeva was sincere about that being a compliment. The flute's song tapered away, the last high note lingering in the air.

Naeva's hand withdrew from his and she took a step backward. "At the Ball, it will be expected that you bow at the close of a dance."

Killua frowned. "You really think it's going to be so necessary that I dance?"

Naeva opened her mouth to answer, but then Alluka barreled into his side to embrace him. "Onii-chan, you were great!" His sister beamed up at him. "I only saw the last of it, but your twirl was really pretty."

Killua hugged her back and didn't bother fighting a grin. Alluka's glee was always irresistible. "Your twirl was prettier."

Naeva had wandered off to speak with the waitress from earlier. Just as he noticed that, the woman curtsied to her and scurried away. Indoral was starting a new song, this one much slower than the previous. Naeva watched him play for a moment and then slipped a hand into the pouch at her waist. There was a glimmer of gold as she dropped a coin into his open flute case. The man's eyes bulged and his fingers slipped. Though he fumbled and one of his notes came out as a shrill whistle, he recovered well.

"Feeling a little less miserable now?" Gon's conspicuous whisper drew his attention. "I haven't seen you smile like that since we got here."

"This is the first place we've been that feels almost normal." Killua gave the common a sweeping look. "It's not all that different from a dive bar back home – just less rowdy."

"Only for the time being," Naeva said as she returned to them. "The drunken disputes and violent brawls will begin as the sun descends and coinpurses lighten." She sounded like she thought that would be a delightful scene to witness.

"You weren't asking the waitress for more wine, were you?" Killua asked her critically. _Kurapika's gonna be furious if I let her turn into a drunk while he's gone._

Naeva scoffed. "And if I did? Is it your intention to reprimand me?"

"Maybe. It's still morning." Killua dropped his voice to an emphatic whisper. "Even if this world has ridiculous rules about what is and isn't acceptable, I don't think a damn _Princess_ should be-"

"I only ordered us breakfast," Naeva snapped. "In your oh-so-wise opinion, is that acceptable Princess behavior? Should I have asked for your permission, first?"

Gon snorted with laughter and elbowed him in the side. "She really owned you there, didn't she?"

Alluka threw up her hands in exasperation. "You two need to stop pretending you don't enjoy bickering with each other all the time. I just can't take you seriously."

"I do not enjoy being treated like I am incompetent." Naeva crossed her arms, still glaring at him.

 _That's not how I treat her! She's just so damn difficult when all I'm trying to do is look out for her._ Killua decided not to voice that argument – there was no telling how she might react.

Gon sniffed at the air and put a hand against his stomach. "What _is_ that I smell from the kitchen? It's hard to tell over all the sweat and the pipe smoke."

Naeva took up Alluka's hand and started back for their table, explaining wryly as she went, "In the words of the tavern maid – some tough roasted waterfowl with a flaming spicy sauce, great fat potatoes, and dry muffins that are alright if you smother them in honey. Apparently the goat milk is fresh. She was quite eager to reassure me of that."

They chatted and finished the wine, then ate in companionable quiet when the waitress brought breakfast. The woman had been accurate in her description – the food wasn't great. After Killua was done with the meal, he spent some time watching the gamblers at the other tables.

"So, what are the rules to that dice game?" Killua was sure he asked that with perfect nonchalance, but everyone looked at him at once with varying degrees of amusement.

Naeva grinned. "Are you tempted to join in on the gambling?"

Killua shifted in his seat. "I was just curious. It's not like I have any money, here."

"Nonsense. I can cover your wagers." Naeva untied the pouch of coins from her waist and dropped it to the table. The hefty clinking sound it made drew a lot of attention from the more greedy looking men in the common room.

"You'd better be careful, Naeva," Gon cautioned her. _He's right. Seriously, she's such an idiot! Any of these people might try mugging-_ The thought flew right out of his mind when his best friend continued, "Killua lets his luck run away with him. He wins a lot, but he always loses it all in the end."

"That only happened like, four times!" Killua burst out in his own defense.

Gon eyed him dubiously. "That I _know_ of. You're not even counting that time in Greed Island when you were literally betting your life and Bisky had to knock you out cold to get you to stop."

Alluka gasped, horrified. "Onii-chan, you really do have a problem!"

Naeva's giggle cut through his righteous outrage before it could begin. She bit down on her mirth hastily, but the smile she aimed at him was nothing if not sly. " _Sene sovya caba'donde ain dovienya._ As I have wealth to spare, I am in favor of a little gambling." She raised her hand and waved it with three fingers extended. One of the serving women noticed and rushed over promptly. "Would you please bring me a set of dice for Crowns, Mistress?"

The woman bobbed a curtsy and was back in a matter of moments with a leather cup to place upon the table.

"Crowns is the only game I know how to play. Uncle Mat taught me." Naeva spoke with a smile.

"The same uncle who brought you to a place like this when you were a kid?" Alluka inquired, and Naeva nodded.

"Mama called him a scoundrel and he called her worse, but they were very close." Naeva's smile faded a little. She reached for the dice cup. "Now, the rules to Crowns are simple. Wagers are placed first and each player gets one roll. The goal is to match symbols. In order from strongest to weakest-" Naeva shook a single die from the cup and set it down on the table, rolling it about with one finger to show each side. "-the symbols are ranked Crowns, Roses, Swords, Stars, Cups, and Rods. You can score five of a kind, four, three and two, three, two and two, or two. Simple, yes?"

"I get it." Killua picked up the strange die to look it over. "It's kinda like poker. Except with dice instead of cards, only one betting round, and no bluffing, just random luck. Well, maybe it's not that much like poker."

"I will take your word on that." Naeva plucked the die from his hand and returned it to the cup. "Shall we join a game?"

Gon fixed a disapproving look on her. "I still think it's a bad idea. Half of these men reek of desperation."

"You don't have to play." Killua decided to tease him – he deserved it after that barb about his many losses. "Since you're so scared, maybe you should just go dance some more _._ "

"Maybe I will." Gon stuck out his tongue. "Don't start any brawls." He stood and extended his hand to Alluka with a shameless grin. "Wanna dance?"

Killua's face fell. He'd expected his best friend to be riled by the taunt, not to take it as a serious suggestion.

Alluka took Gon's hand with her own grin and hopped right up from her chair. "Yes! I mean, for practice and all." The pair hurried off toward the stage while he goggled at their backs.

Naeva's laughter had Killua closing his slack jaw in a hurry. She rose to her feet and winked at him. "You ought keep up the flabbergasted look. We might provoke higher bets from the other gamblers if they take you for a simpleton."

Killua pushed back his chair to stand. "If you wanna hustle them, you'd be better off pulling that act where you bat your eyes and feign innocence."

"Oh, I intend to. If your luck can match my simpering, we shall double my fortune." Her smile was sly again and he was almost unnerved that he couldn't distinguish whether she was joking or not. Then Naeva went around the table and tied her bundle of coins onto his belt. "Bet freely, but do be mindful that my ring is in there. It would not do to bet that away." She peered up at him solemnly and her voice softened, hardly even a whisper. "It would be unwise to let anyone catch so much as a glimpse of my ring. They may think I am using the Power to cheat them."

Killua tried to meet her look with equal seriousness, but she still had the fingers of one hand curled around his belt and that was extremely distracting. "I'll be careful."

Naeva tugged on his belt with a playful smile. "Do not be so high-strung, Killua. This is going to be marvelous fun."

Killua fought a rising blush. _It's not like she's trying to be provocative._ Despite that he often called her out for being conniving, she really was naive in a lot of ways. Killua nearly slapped her hand away and restrained the action to merely prying it loose. He made a great show of rolling his eyes at her, mostly to divert himself from the uncomfortable direction his thoughts had taken. "I'm _not_ high-strung."

Naeva started toward the gambling tables, flicking her gaze over them one at a time until she found one she liked. "Might there be room for one more to join?"

The three seated men glanced up at her request. Two of them appeared merely surprised. The last eyed her up and down skeptically, and it was he who responded. "Surely ye do no be referrin' to yerself, m'Lady?" He stroked at his beard with a tattooed hand. The only part of his face that was shaven was his bared upper lip. A brimless, feathered cap sat askance atop his greased black hair. He was burly and the fine silk coat he wore was stretched too tightly over his bulk. Altogether, the visage was comical enough that Killua had to really work at maintaining a deadpan expression.

Naeva pressed a hand to her chest, fingers splayed. "Why, of course not!" She gave a chiming laugh, then slipped her arm through Killua's and maneuvered him into one of the chairs. "'Tis my companion who wishes a game of Crowns."

The big man pressed his knuckles to his forehead. "A welcome to ye, m'Lord. I do be Captain Marto Kanele of Illian."

Killua mimicked the gesture, because it was probably expected. "I'm Killua Zoldyck. Thanks for the welcome, Captain."

Marto raised one heavy hand to gesture between the other two men at the table. "These two do be members of me crew. Fenrick Astair of Andor, and me fellow Illianer Coyle Doroon."

Coyle – who had an identical beard and wore more tattoos but lacked the comical hat – nodded and mumbled what Killua assumed to be a greeting in an accent even thicker than the Captain's. "Wind do kesh yer sails onnisday, m'Lord."

Fenrick was obviously the youngest of the three – maybe just over twenty. His eyes flicked briefly toward Naeva, and he grimaced. "This really isn't the place to be bringing such a fine Lady, my Lord."

"And it do no be yer place to be offerin' yer bloody opinion!" Marto barked. "Keep that sheepswallop to yerself, or by me aged grandmother I do vow ye be findin' yerself tossed overboard onea these nights, Fenrick!"

"Yes, Captain!" Fenrick swiftly bowed his head. "Apologies, my Lord. I meant no offense."

 _Sheepswallop?_ Killua was already thoroughly entertained. _Well, she picked a good table._ "No offense taken. Trust me when I say the Lady makes her own decisions about where she goes."

The ship Captain slapped his palm upon the table with a broad grin. "It do me heart good to be meetin' a young nobleman whose head do no be so bloated as a ten day rotten haul. A proper man ye be, Lord Killua. Now, do tell me ye is no expectin' to make off with me gold." He chortled. "We be but humble sailors, antein' silver marks over a friendly game."

Coyle cocked his head to the side. "Cap'n, was ye no jus' aboutta be raisin' yer-"

"Nonna that from ye, Coyle! Are ye no better than to be givin' yer own Captain away like that?" Marto's weathered face flooded red.

Killua took the moment while the sailors were occupied to peek down into the belt pouch. "No worries, I've got silver." He flicked one of the smaller coins to the table.

Naeva leaned over his shoulder and pressed the leather cup into his hand, curling his fingers around it with her own. " _Sene sovya caba'donde ain dovienya._ "

"You said that before." Killua blinked up at her. "What does it mean?"

Naeva offered a coy smile. "Luck is a horse to ride like any other, my Lord." Three matching coins fell to join his in the center of the table. Naeva watched that excitedly. "Now, it is time to toss the dice."

Killua rattled the dice and then let them fall, the action mimicked by the sailors only a second later. His two Roses and two Cups – with a spare Crown – took the first pot.

He lost all track of the passing time as they gambled on, and while he didn't win every toss he did win the majority. Other gamblers joined them at the table, some of them leaving again right away. At one point the Captain ordered his crewman away and started wagering with gold. Killua met the escalating bets until the pile in front of him held twenty-one gold coins and a much larger stack of silver. He was high on the swell of victory, unable to restrain his gloating smile. That was about the time Gon and Alluka wandered over to spectate. They weren't the only ones, either. There were side bets being placed constantly among those watching who thought they might try predicting the outcome of each round.

Marto reclined back in his chair with a loud harrumph. "Fortune prick me. Ye do be havin' such luck this day as I can no fathom, Lord Killua. I could sink me own ship for bloody tryin' to match ye so long as I have, and still-" He grinned. "-I do be thinkin' me coffers can bear one last toss o' the dice. Care ye to have it be an excitin' end?" His big hands pushed forward the entire stack that was left in front of him – fifteen of the fat gold coins and a generous pile of silver.

"Let's do this." Killua felt his buzz of adrenaline spike higher as he counted out an equal number of coins. _Even if I lose, I only took five of the gold coins from Naeva's bag. If I quit with six still left, that's technically a profit._ None of the other gamblers at the table were willing to make such a hefty bet. This would be a head-to-head finale.

Naeva leaned down to wrap her arms around him in a hug. "How very _daring_ , my Lord." She all but purred, and it started a chorus of raucous laughter from the crowd. Furtively, one of her hands dipped into the belt pouch and withdrew a few coins. Killua was positive he was the only one who'd noticed that action – everyone else was too busy laughing at her commentary. When Naeva straightened he watched her in his peripheral vision as she turned to Gon and whispered something in his ear, fingers wrapping around one of his hands.

Killua puzzled over that while he scooped the five dice into his cup, but his confusion didn't last long.

Gon slammed two gold and two silver coins on the edge of the table and eyed the other spectators. "Two gold marks on the Captain winning this round!"

Killua darted a quick glare over his shoulder at Gon and Naeva. _They're gonna bet against me, huh?_ They only blinked and smiled at him. Even his sister looked amused by the unexpected action. The gathered spectators spoke up in a rowdy, drunken rush to echo his thoughts.

"Betting against your companion? Ha!"

"Burn me, thass a fool move, m'Lord!"

"No way the young Lord's luck can run out!"

People rushed to place coins opposite Gon's with enthusiastic cries like, 'I'll take that wager!', 'Two on the Lord!', and 'Easy gold!'

Killua lifted the leather cup and shook it, pulse racing. The riskiness, the high stakes, the opposition – all of it amounted to a surge of fresh anticipation. He and the Captain exchanged a nod, then dumped their cups. Killua watched the dice roll across the tabletop like it was all happening in slow motion. His throw produced three Swords and two Stars. _Yes! That's-_ The Captain's dice tumbled, bounced, and stopped to display four Crowns and one Rod. _I... I lost?_ Killua sagged back into his chair as Marto hauled the pot to himself with a cheer of triumph.

Groans of displeasure rang out among those assembled who'd bet on him, and their gold was divvied up with efficient speed by one of the serving women. The silver belonged to the house as the fee for placing any side wager. Gon claimed one gold pile with a wide grin.

"There be no shame in breakin' even, m'Lord. Even the best haul o' fish do be havin' a fair number o' silverpike." Marto chuckled as he stowed his winnings away. When the man glanced over Killua's head at Naeva, his smile widened. "And at least yer Lady friend do no be lookin' disappointed in ye."

Killua eyed his shrunken pile morosely before picking it all up. "The Lady's always had a funny idea of what constitutes a good time." He heaved a sigh, and stood from the table.

Marto rose to bow. "It do no be likely our paths be crossin' again, but I'll be drowned if I do no wish ye fortune. Waves be gentle and winds do be guidin' ye true, Lord Killua."

His mood perked up a bit, at that. Meeting the ship Captain had been a highlight of his time so far in this world. Killua smiled. "I return that sentiment, though I'd butcher it if I tried to do so word for word. It's been fun, Captain Marto."


	11. The Feastday Celebration

Alluka's spirits were light as they all left the common room behind. Killua still looked somewhat down over his loss on the last dice roll, but not as much as she would have expected. She switched her focus to absorbing the sights of the beautiful city as they journeyed down the quaint cobblestone street.

They'd already been walking awhile when Gon laughed and reached into his coat pocket. He passed a heavy handful of gold coins over to Killua, who still wore Naeva's pouch on his belt. "Whoops, I nearly forgot."

Her brother scowled as he stowed the winnings away. "You didn't _have_ to bet against me. I might've won if you hadn't jinxed me like that."

"Oh, you are being superstitious," Naeva teased. "It was merely a precaution – unfair to everyone excepting us, in fact. I guaranteed we would turn a fine profit either way."

"Sure, but it felt like you were rooting for me to lose." Killua skewered her with a glare that she met with unflinching innocence.

"I was not," Naeva said quickly. "Although, it would have been sad to see the Captain lose everything." She touched a hand to her chin and affected that thick, pirate-y accent. "Captain Marto do be a smuggler, 'less I miss me guess, but fer a smuggler he be no so bad."

Gon laughed so hard he had to stop for a second and then catch up. Alluka didn't do any better at containing her giggling fit. She tripped over her own feet and it was only quick support from her brother that kept her from falling flat.

Killua's lips twitched with his own half-restrained smile. "He was entertaining. I guess I liked him."

Naeva brightened up. "It was my hope that you might. Illianers are generally the most charming of ruffians. I am fond of their many fishing references."

Gon grinned. "Yeah, that was neat."

"It seems like people put a lot of stock in their nationality here," Killua commented.

"Indeed they do," Naeva said. "Even more so than you have seen displayed thus far. The Isle of Tar Valon is a veritable melting pot of cultures. Almost every land has representatives here in the Tower and on the Isle. That common room we visited was a fine example – there was a table of Tairens not five paces from where we gambled with the Illianer Captain. The historic animosity between both nations is such that you would not find an occurrence like that happening peacefully anywhere else."

 _She must have had to learn so much about politics when she was growing up._ Alluka shook her head. "I haven't been able to keep track of even half the names of places I've heard tossed around since we've been here, but you probably know everything there is to know about every single one of them." She offered her best friend an unabashed grin. "It's kind of amazing to have our roles reversed after so long. I remember that time you were inconsolable because Kurapika bit into a peach and you thought he was going to die. It took almost an hour to convince you he was fine, and it was a whole week before you gave in and tried a peach for yourself."

Naeva cringed. "Yes, I remember that quite keenly. By the way, you three had best keep in mind that peaches are incredibly poisonous in this world."

Killua had a thoughtful glimmer in his eyes. "I wonder if I'm resistant to any of the strange and different poisons here or not."

"Do _not_ go about testing it." Naeva's warning was fierce.

"Why not? You'd Heal me." At her indignant glare, Killua started laughing. "Relax, it was only a joke." Judging by his sharp intake of breath and the way he clapped a hand over his ear, she'd chosen to retaliate.

"It was not funny in the slightest, woolhead." Naeva twitched her skirt and stuck her chin up. "Light help me if I see you try anything so foolish as willingly ingesting poison."

Killua rubbed at his earlobe as they walked on. "Can't even take a little joke," he grumbled. "And you had the nerve to call _me_ high-strung." He aimed his glower at Naeva – well, he would have if she hadn't halted a small distance back. They all stopped, then.

Naeva probably sensed that she'd become the focus of curiosity. She glanced away from the shop window that had been holding her transfixed. "Hmm? Did you say something to me?"

Killua frowned. "It wasn't important."

"What's up?" Gon bounded over to Naeva to peek at whatever had caught her attention. "Oh, a flower shop?"

Alluka hauled her brother toward the storefront. It certainly was an eye-catching display of bright colors in the window. "Did you want to buy some, Naeva-chan?" Her lips tugged upward at the notion. "I didn't even think you liked flowers all that much."

Naeva's cheeks colored a pretty shade of red. "I do not." She shook her head and started down the street again. "I was merely struck by an old recollection. An unpleasant recollection. It is Moiraine's bloody doing." That last sentence was in a mumble so low Alluka almost couldn't make out the words.

Gon whistled. "It must be an awfully embarrassing memory."

"Burn me." Naeva's expression turned pouty. "Do me a favor and disregard the slip." She mustered a smile. "We are nearly there, now."

Killua's eyebrows rose with skepticism, but he kept quiet.

"So we _are_ going somewhere in particular?" Alluka asked eagerly. "I thought we were just wandering."

"You will enjoy this, Alluka-chan. I promise." Naeva sped her pace and rounded the next corner ahead of them.

Gon hurried to follow. Her brother was scowling again, and Alluka had to tug on his hand to get him to go any faster so they could catch up. The entire city had been loud, but the rising noise meant there was something exciting ahead. When they finally turned the corner, Alluka's jaw dropped.

They stood at the fringes of- well, it must have been some kind of festival. People of all ages were mingling about, with the littler children clinging to their mother's dresses or else perched on the shoulders of someone taller. There were a number of open carts displaying a variety of foreign and fanciful trinkets. The merchants out front of them called out to tempt passers by. Yet more carts were selling fresh, steaming food or dispensing beverages from stacked kegs. A widely cleared space not far from where Alluka had come to a stunned stop held a number of targets – painted with grotesque, beastly faces – in a row and a queue of men waiting to shoot at them with bow and arrow. That might have been a competition, but she wasn't sure.

What _really_ captured her attention were the performers. There were plenty of musicians, some in groups. They were all trying to outdo one another and draw in the bigger audience. And there were dancers! The dancers were bedecked in sequins that glittered in the sunlight as the they twisted and spun about. Interestingly, the largest crowds of people were assembled around men on wooden stages who all wore the same style of patchwork cloak – rainbow colors sewn haphazardly together in no real pattern. Some of them looked to only be speaking at those who'd gathered to listen – storytelling, possibly? Others were juggling, eating and breathing fire, or else engaged in elaborate acrobatics.

"Today is the ninth day of Saven." Naeva's voice startled Alluka from her gawking. Her best friend was leaning against the redbrick building they'd all darted around, shaded from the midday sun by a low canopy. "All across the world, people are observing the feastday of Dahan. It is meant to honor the triumph of the forces of Light over the forces of Shadow at the end of the Trolloc Wars. Many believe today is the exact anniversary of that victory, but the Trolloc Wars spanned well over three centuries and no single day could possibly be named as the end of such a long conflict. More accurately, it was an era of darkness and Dahan commemorates the fact that it ended at all."

"Oh, Naeva-chan, this is- it's-" Alluka struggled with her vocabulary to come up with anything close to describing how she felt in the face of such revelry. "-it's just fantastic!"

Naeva nodded toward one of the men with the patchwork cloaks. "I recommend the Gleemen, myself. None are so impressive as the Royal Bard of the Al'Cairi Palace – he is _enrapturing_ – but you will meet him soon enough."

Alluka squeezed on her brother's hand and beamed an excited smile at him. "Can we go check out a Gleeman, Onii-chan?"

Killua returned her expression with warmth. "Definitely." They'd already started toward the bustling crowd when Killua stopped short to pull the coin pouch free of his belt. He tossed it to Naeva, but she had no more than caught it when she threw it right back.

"Hold onto that, for now. Be sure you tip the performers some silver." Naeva winked.

Alluka's excitement fell abruptly to concern. "Aren't you coming with us?"

"I shall catch up in a minute or so."

Alluka frowned. "But-"

Gon cut her off by patting a hand atop her shoulder and leaning down to whisper in her ear, "You can go on ahead. Lemme try and cheer her up and then we'll catch up to you two, okay?"

Alluka considered that before replying. _But if something's wrong, I should really hang back with her. Then again, Gon_ is _usually the best at cheering people up. Maybe I should trust him and go work on Onii-chan, instead. He's been feeling upset for days, too._ Her stretch of silence had gone on too long, and Gon was staring at her expectantly. His hand hadn't left her shoulder, either. _He has the prettiest eyes. I swear they sparkle when he-_ Alluka forced herself to stop overthinking. "Okay," she whispered. Naeva was eyeing them all with thinly veiled suspicion, but then she looked that way a lot of the time. "C'mon, Onii-chan! Let's go!"

* * *

Gon leaned beside Naeva against the cool brick of the building and kept his eyes planted ahead on the joyous festivities. "So, what's wrong?"

That was a blunt question, but such was his style. He often mused that one of the reasons Naeva and Killua wound up arguing so much was that they were constantly trying to subvert and analyze one another. Neither seemed very tolerant of their own tactics being used against them. Gon was never tempted to analyze anybody – not his friends, anyway. What they showed on the surface might not be everything they felt, but who needed to pry so deeply? _Obviously she's not okay right now. It's better to just ask her to explain it in her own words instead of making assumptions._

"I suppose that I am nervous for what lies ahead," Naeva admitted. "That is why I thought I should take advantage of today. Venturing out diverted me from fretting, but only until I- well, it is sufficient to say that I am diverted no longer."

Spotting the flowers in the window had been some sort of trigger. That was weird, but Gon wasn't going to push her into talking about it. She'd asked him to disregard it, after all. He focused instead on what she'd been comfortable with telling him. _She's nervous. I understand that._ "Are you as prepared as you can be to go back to Malkier?"

"I hope so." Naeva's posture sagged, just a tiny amount. "There will be so many people there that I have not seen in years. Some of them I have missed and some not at all, but every last one of them will be expecting _El'_ Naeva Mandragoran. I have grown so complacent about not having to meet those expectations."

"Would it be so terrible if you were just yourself?" Gon smiled when she glanced at him in wide-eyed surprise.

"Yes, it would." Naeva's responding smile was weak, but it was an attempt. "There is no way to prevent my being scrutinized and prodded at – that will happen without my need to consent. Nobles will be twining me into their schemes the instant they catch sight of me, watching for the emotions I let show and picking apart the words that I choose to speak. It was all well and fine when I knew nothing else, but it feel so infuriating to me now."

He absorbed that. Imagining himself in her shoes made him feel anxiously sick to his stomach. Gon summoned an optimistic smile and nudged her shoulder with his elbow. "I'm not sure if it's good for anything more than moral support, but we're all here for you."

Naeva laughed – not as forced as that smile had been. "Do not discount the worth of your moral support. I was woefully pessimistic before I met you all, and I certainly would be now if you were not here with me."

"Well, I'm glad," Gon said. "Just remember that nothing can go _too_ wrong. Whatever happens, we're all going back home together when Nanika wakes up."

"My resolve over that cannot be swayed." Naeva spoke with determination. "It will be unpleasant facing my brother again, but at least I have the proper motivation."

Gon frowned. Sometimes it really amazed him – he'd grown up without his father, without any siblings, and still it seemed he'd had the most cheerful childhood out of his friends. "I mean, there's gotta be some hope that he'll understand, right?"

Naeva shook her head. "Even at the best of times Deval resented me, and after my long absence I expect that will only be worse. Not that I blame him, for it is perfectly reasonable."

"Is it?" Gon asked. _I just don't get this place._

"Ah, very much so." Naeva closed her eyes for a few moments. "I suppose you cannot make sense of that."

He chuckled, a little awkwardly. "Yeah, you read my mind."

Naeva spared him a gentle glance. "The best I can explain it to you is that both Deval and I were raised within the reality that our lives belonged to Malkier. As heavy a burden as that was for me, it was something else entirely for him. He had passed his thirteenth nameday by the time I was born – a future King, responsible for ensuring the safety and prosperity of our people. While my path was not flexible, it had far more breadth than his own. And now I return only to make official my freedom from the duty that he has never known what it is to be without. He may have found peace with my memory when he thought me _dead_ , but... oh, Gon, it hurts to wrong him so. He will hate me for choosing not to stay."

It was rough just listening to that. _Being a Princess isn't anywhere close to as fanciful as I would've expected._ Gon tried to look at the situation more simply. "Well, what good could you actually do for him if you stayed?"

One of Naeva's eyebrows quirked up. "That is unimportant to Deval. He is far less practical than he is honorable, and he demands that same dedication to honor from the people around him."

Gon shook his head. "I'm not asking for his sake, I'm asking for yours. If there really isn't much you can do by staying anyway, than you have no reason to feel guilty about choosing to go."

Naeva looked again toward the celebrations. "My value to the Kingdom has never been very significant." Her tone became dry. "We do not have the term 'mascot' here, but that is a fitting way to describe my role in the royal family. My mother was dearly beloved and my resemblance to her was prized by the people. At this point in time, with the Kingdom's positioning being what it is... I suppose my brother would broker a marriage contract for me. He could get an appealing deal for the Throne out of it. A profitable agreement on import and export taxes, gifts of earthen resources, free use of roads and waterways – some combination of the like, I should expect."

"But that's-" Gon turned a shocked look on her. "-Naeva, that's gross."

"That is politics," Naeva said. "I do not mean to give you the impression that Deval is unkind. Doubtless he would select a man he judges as trustworthy. Possibly even someone in their elder years, if he could manage it – that way I might outlive said marriage quickly and do as I please after having fulfilled my obligation." She offered another smile. "You must not be offended, Gon. I was prepared for that facet of my life when I was younger, and now it is irrelevant."

 _I'm pretty sure that's heartless no matter how she justifies it._ Gon felt his expression furrowing in disgust. "Now I'm twice as sure you shouldn't feel guilty about leaving."

Naeva made a grim noise of agreement. "Believe me, I am the happiest of anyone that this is my home world no longer. I do not feel guilty about the decision to leave it all behind. It is saddening that doing so will disappoint my brother, but..." Her words faded away. When she continued, she seemed lost in thought. "Deval never so much as smiled in my direction. Being a disappointment to him is nothing new, I only- I had no inkling of how nice it would have been to know his favor until it was too late to ever earn the chance." By the end of that, her eyes were watery and distant and he felt sure she was about to cry.

Gon draped his arm across her shoulders and squeezed her to his side. "Hey, it's all gonna be okay! What was it you said before? You wanted to be diverted?"

Naeva still looked miserable, but she nodded her head.

"Let's divert you, then." Gon searched the festival – feastday? – grounds wildly for the best option. _The Gleemen? Nah, that reminded her of the Palace, so probably not a good idea. And the musicians might just do the same._ He pointed toward the nearby field of targets for archery. "I've never actually shot a bow before. Wanna laugh at me while I try?"

"I was never a good shot, myself." Naeva straightened her posture and put on a half-smile. "Mayhap I could give you a few pointers. You do have a natural affinity for such sport, and I would rather cheer your success than laugh at the attempt."

Gon grinned. "Awesome."

They hustled forward to take positions in the short line and Gon surveyed the area. Instead of bullseyes, the targets had snarling animal faces painted on them and were arranged at varying distances from the chalk marked line where everyone who stepped forward was shooting from. Each challenger picked one target and then received a bow and three arrows with which to fire at it. Off to the side there stood a sharp-eyed woman in a glittery dress and a hulking man with a club hefted over his shoulder. Judging by the vigilant way the man watched the crowd, he was probably there to enforce order if anything got out of hand. The woman was leaning against a low table arrayed with arrows, barrel kegs, and wooden cups. She was the one dealing with the transfer of bows between each turn.

Gon glanced down at Naeva, who appeared to be scrutinizing the bow selection. "Is this like a contest?"

"I think not," Naeva said. "The only reward being doled out is a cup of wine, and everyone is getting one regardless of how well they did. No one is wagering any gold, so this is all meant to be casual. I would say it is ceremony... sticking arrows into Trollocs as homage to the War, drinking red wine to honor the sacrifice of the dead."

"Oh. Is that what those are? Trollocs?" Gon peered at the nearest target with renewed interest. It was kind of like a conglomeration of animal and human features, with a goats horns and a birds beak distorting what was a mostly human shaped face.

"It is not the most accurate depiction, but yes." Naeva shrugged. "Now, when it is your turn you ought shoot at the furthest target."

Gon chuckled. "Isn't that going to be the hardest one to hit? I did mention that I've never tried out a bow before."

"You have three arrows with which to figure out your aim, and that would be much the same if you picked a nearer target." Naeva lowered her voice. "If you make a different choice you will be given a smaller bow, and they look shoddy to me. The largest bow is horn and sinew. It should offer enough resistance that you might not snap it accidentally."

Gon let that roll over him and nodded acceptance. "Which one are you gonna shoot at?"

Naeva pressed her lips together before answering beneath her breath, "I will not be. It is widely deemed inappropriate for women to take up the use of weapons. I ought not draw such attention to myself when I am supposed to be incognito."

They moved forward again – there were only three people left in front of him. Gon matched her low volume. "Your dad was kind of a rebel for teaching you to use a sword then, huh?"

"Ah, yes. My mother was not best pleased, but mostly because she did not like to see me wearing britches – it was she who taught me to track and hunt small game." Naeva laughed lightly. "Neither of them was very conventional."

Gon laughed with her. "That sort of explains why you're such a strange mix of formality and wildness."

Naeva grinned. "You must credit Moiraine for the formality. My parents were not brought up in a Palace environment, but she was. They entrusted my getting a proper education to her, and wisely so."

"Weren't you two supposed to find us?" Killua's voice had him whirling around in a hurry. His best friend raised his eyebrows questioningly. Beside Killua, Alluka looked brightly happy – maybe she'd caught sight of Naeva's grin as they walked up. _Jeez, Alluka has the prettiest smile in the world. In any world._

Gon shrugged his shoulders apologetically. "I took a bit of a detour."

"Did you enjoy the Gleemen, Alluka-chan?" Naeva asked.

"I did! We watched one man juggle fire, and another who was throwing knives blindfolded at a woman who didn't even flinch when they sank into the target right beside her head!" Alluka bubbled. "Then we caught the end of a story about an army coming back from the dead. I thought that sounded scary, but everyone cheered, so that was really strange. The next story was- what did he name it?"

Killua smiled at his enthusiastic sister. "Hawkwing's Empire."

"That was it!" Alluka snapped her fingers. "I would have liked to hear how that one ended, but Onii-chan said we should track you two down. He was worried."

"I wasn't worried," Killua grumbled, then changed the subject. "Four separate people tried to pickpocket me in this damn crowd." He narrowed his eyes at Naeva. "It's probably a good thing you aren't holding your own money, actually. One of them was halfway decent at it. I doubt you could've noticed in time to catch him."

Naeva crossed her arms and Gon thought she was going to refute that, but then a pointed cough from behind them seemed to demand attention.

The woman in the spangled dress touched a hand to his arm. "My Lord?" She gestured toward the targets. "Would you like to step forward?"

"Oh. Yep!" Gon spoke quickly. "Can I shoot at the farthest target?"

"Of course, my Lord." The woman curtsied and sauntered away to get the bow.

Naeva stood on tiptoe to whisper up at him, "I am going to step back, but you will be able to hear me still. Good luck, Gon!"

He nodded, feeling a rush of determination, and walked up to the line. _I should be able to hit with at least one arrow. Especially if Alluka is watching._ The woman returned and pressed a tiny quiver holding three long arrows and then the large bow into his hands – it was nearly as tall as she was. Gon slid the quiver over his shoulder and turned sideways.

Naeva's voice sounded quietly beside his ear. "One foot on either side of the line, and keep your stance open."

Gon jumped, startled, although he probably should've been expecting some such trick. When he glanced backward, Naeva stood next to Alluka with her hand raised to cover her mouth. Regathering himself, he followed her instruction and then fitted an arrow to the bow. He raised it and pulled the string back, careful to feel the resistance and not pull too hard.

"Do _not_ loose from beside your ear or you will tear the skin from your cheek." That whisper was more urgent. "Your right hand should be below your chin, and your right elbow lifted higher than that."

 _Oops. That's how they always hold it in the movies, though._ Gon lowered the bow slightly and corrected his positioning. Everything got quiet then, so he pulled the string back tighter and took aim. When he let go, the sound of the string slicing the air almost made him shiver. Yeah, it would've been unpleasant to have his cheek get in the way of that. The arrow flew straight, but launched too high and just kept rising. It sank more than halfway into the wooden barricade behind the targets and he saw people in his peripheral vision flinch, gawk, and touch their fists to their foreheads. Someone muttered something incredulous sounding about 'mighta flown five hundred spans' and another just said 'blood and ashes.'

Naeva's voice again, mirthful. "Excellent aim, too much force. About half as much should give you a nice arc, I think."

Gon tuned out the crowd and touched the second arrow to the bow. _Okay, I can do that. This one will hit!_ He drew in a deep breath and tried again with less strength. The arrow rose and fell. It struck just below the Trolloc's chin – no, that was definitely a muzzle. Gon nodded to himself and was already pulling back the string with the third arrow as a few people started politely clapping. _Just a little bit higher._ The last arrow came to a quivering stop in the Trolloc's left eye.

Applause broke out in the crowd, and Gon wasn't sure whether that was due to his succeeding after the first arrow spectacularly failed or just because he was dressed up like a Lord and they were customarily being polite. But then Naeva was clapping, too, and even Killua did with a wry smile. Alluka actually jumped and cheered, and that sight made him feel unbelievably warm. The cup of red wine he had to drink down afterward did its job at heating him, too. He'd probably had too much wine today. The wine in this world was kind of amazing.

After taking their leave from the archery grounds, they wandered as a group to take in the different attractions. Naeva did seem cheered up, so Gon decided that his efforts hadn't been in vain. She even let herself enjoy the music without making any further comments about the Palace or the King. Alluka was ecstatic about most everything, and especially that her best friend was there both to enjoy it with her and to explain when something was so foreign as to be confusing. As for Killua, as much aggravated him as fascinated him about the celebrations. That was at least a better ratio than when they'd been cooped up in the White Tower. Gon himself felt pretty fascinated by all of it – well, some things were annoying.

"Oh, yeah." Gon glanced up from his plate of food. They were packed in at the moment among a lot of other people at a long table eating lunch. He was shoulder to shoulder between Killua and some random grandmotherly woman, with the proximity resulting in a war for elbow space between he and his best friend. On the flip side, that made it easier to whisper and know he'd be heard. "Killua, did you know that Naeva's whole 'warrior princess' thing is totally a taboo here?"

Said princess choked on a drink of water at that, going red in the face. Alluka rubbed a hand in circles across her back while she recovered.

Killua nodded. "Yeah, I figured that out."

Gon scowled. "Of course you already figured it out."

"I thought it was obvious." Killua shrugged as much as he could with how crowded in they were. "None of the Warders were women, for one thing. Even out here in the city most of the men are carrying weapons, but no women. They really _should_ be, for how often I've seen some lecher reach for a passing grope. There's been more of that than the pickpocketing."

Alluka leaned forward to eye the both of them with equal reprimand. "You two probably shouldn't be talking about this while we're in the middle of so many people. Someone might get offended, and I don't think we should start trouble."

"But aren't you offended?" Gon asked her curiously. "You must've noticed how many guys have been sta-" Killua's boot stomped hard on his underneath the table and he winced. "-um, never mind that."

Alluka blinked her big blue eyes at him a few times. "This is a whole new world. We aren't going to be here long enough for me to worry about getting offended over a social standard I can't possibly change."

"That is wise," Naeva said raspily, then cleared her throat. "In truth, Tar Valon is more tolerable than most cities, given the influence of the Aes Sedai. Tomorrow we shall be in Malkier, and all throughout the Borderlands that particular attitude is even less prevalent. Crimes against women carry more severe penalties there."

 _Sure, except for that selling off your little sister isn't even considered wrong._ Gon kept his mouth shut, but it was really a struggle.

His best friend's eyes narrowed as he caught Gon's shift in mood. Thankfully, right as Killua opened his mouth, Alluka perked up like she'd just remembered something and spoke first. "Naeva-chan, how does that story about Hawkwing end? It was really an exciting one!"

Naeva swallowed her bite of rice before glancing to Alluka. "What part were you at when you left?"

"Hmm." Alluka tilted her head, then answered in a rush of words. "Hawkwing led his army into Tar Valon when it was under attack from a foreign nation, I can't remember the name, and they fought in the streets of the city all the way to the foot of the White Tower! He was victorious, and as we were walking away, the Gleeman was talking about him beginning a... it was..."

"Consolidation," Killua chimed in.

Alluka beamed her brother a wide smile. "That was it! Something about a consolidation."

Naeva appeared thoughtful. "The consolidation took sixteen years, by the end of which all of the scattered nations in the Westlands were unified as one beneath the banner of Artur Paendrag Tanreall – better known as Artur Hawkwing. He was named High King. Beloved by the commonfolk and the nobles alike, his rule was one of unprecedented providence for the next twenty years." Naeva smiled. "That is not really the conclusion of the epic, but were I you that is where I would want to leave it."

"But that's not how it ends?" Killua looked to be pretending he wasn't interested, but obviously he was.

"Is it sad?" Alluka frowned. "I thought it seemed like Hawkwing was a really good person."

Naeva stared down into the water in her wooden mug. "Artur Hawkwing was a good person, and an unparalleled military mind in his day. That only makes his ultimate fate more tragic. Most of the great epics end in tragedy."

"It did sound nice up to there," Gon put in. "A High King uniting the world and securing peace-"

"But that's _not_ how it ends," Killua interjected, letting his curiosity show now. "What happened next, Naeva?"

She exhaled a long breath and set her cup down. "Are you quite sure that you want to know? It is sad."

Killua rolled his eyes. "Out with it, will ya?" He started tapping his fork impatiently on the tabletop.

"Hawkwing's Empire was brought to ruin from within," Naeva said. "Of the thirteen Forsaken who serve the Dark One, the most powerful is Ishamael. Hawkwing fell victim to him."

"Oh, that's terrible." Alluka wilted.

"But how was it done?" Killua pressed, trying to cross his arms and then settling his hands in his lap when there just wasn't enough space. "You have to tell the story."

Naeva spared Killua an amused glance, but obliged his request. She went on, intoning much more regally, "A man calling himself Jalwin Moerad – Ishamael in disguise – appeared in Hawkwing's court and won the High King's favor. In one single year's time he convinced Hawkwing to cast out every Aes Sedai in his employ, including his most trusted Adviser, and fostered a great hatred within the High King for all channelers. That maneuver was likely accomplished via the use of intricate and subtle Compulsion. Jalwin was named the new Royal Adviser – a position of power second only to that of the High King himself, who was already thoroughly under his control. From then on there was no one who could challenge Jalwin's authority. Any who tried were exiled by Hawkwing."

"Why exile?" Killua asked. "Wouldn't it have made more sense just to execute them?"

"Ah, perhaps to an ordinary usurper or any of the other Forsaken. Ishamael, however, had never planned to usurp Hawkwing's position." Naeva twitched an upraised finger like she was imparting a lesson. "All of the Forsaken seek to cause destruction and strife and many of them lust for personal infamy, but Ishamael is a madman and a true proponent of chaos. His goal was to toss all of the world into turmoil, and he was diabolical in how he accomplished it. He sought not to rule the Empire, but only to sow enmity where once there had been peace. The consolidation of the world fractured like a sphere of glass squeezed within the palm of Ishamael's hand. The shattering blow came from the High King's delusional fear of channeling. Artur Hawkwing declared war on the White Tower and the Aes Sedai. Ishamael twitched his strings and the High King laid siege upon the great city of Tar Valon itself."

Alluka slumped down even further. "But he saved the city before!"

Naeva nodded sadly. "For twenty years Artur Hawkwing brought peace and prosperity throughout the land before Ishamael became his puppeteer. For twenty more he threw his armies against the shining walls of Tar Valon. He never succeeded at taking the Isle and breaking the White Tower, but he tried until the day he died. His children, who might have been able to salvage the consolidation, were each assassinated that very day. In the wake of the broken Empire that had lost its High King and all of his Heirs, the once united lands collapsed and all semblance of order was thrown into upheaval. So began the War of the Hundred Years, which lasted precisely one hundred and twenty-three and devastated everything Hawkwing had built. Humanity has never known a unified government since. Every one of the nations that exist today was formed in the aftermath of that arrant calamity."

Gon realized his jaw was hanging open and shut it hurriedly, then gulped. "That's really the end? Hawkwing dies, his kids die, and then there's over a century of war everywhere?"

"That is the end of Hawkwing's Empire." Naeva glanced up toward the high ivory walls which surrounded the city. "All that is left standing today of what existed then is the city of Tar Valon and the White Tower itself, kept safe behind the shining walls."

Gon looked up at those sparkling ivory walls, too, and he wasn't the only one. Alluka stared upward with watery eyes. Even the old woman sitting next to him and the two small kids beside her were goggling, transfixed – they must've been listening in.

Killua clicked his tongue in frustration. "What happened to Ishamael? He just won?"

"I suppose that he did." Naeva met his frustration with cool patience. "In the immediate days after Artur Hawkwing's death, it was Jalwin who murdered everyone he believed stood a credible chance of leading the remnants of the Empire. Ishamael slipped quietly back into the shadows after that to assume different names and wreak smaller degrees of havoc throughout the next millennium. Thirty-one years past he was named Champion of the Shadow – _Nae'blis –_ and fought directly against the Dragon Reborn beside the Pit of Doom during the Last Battle. There, he was defeated."

Alluka shuddered. "We should have left it at the happy ending."

Naeva offered her a smile. "Well, the Seanchan Imperials and the First Family of Mayene both claim to be descended from the bloodline of Artur Paendrag Tanraell. Few people truly believe there is much legitimacy to the claim, but it may be comforting to think at least something remains of Hawkwing's legacy."

Gon shifted as much as he could, feeling somber. He didn't really have an appetite anymore, and by the looks of his friend's plates they didn't either. _These Forsaken are something else. Moghedien, she was one of them. I almost wish I could've seen her myself just to know what that kind of ancient evil looks like, but... it's better that she's dead._

Naeva stiffened and then scrambled hastily up from the bench seat. "It is time to head back. Someone – Moiraine, probably – is unraveling my ward. If we go right now we can return before she catches us missing."


	12. The Throne Room and the Blue Room

Killua strode out into the White Tower courtyard beside Gon. The setting sun had already fallen beneath the high walls surrounding Tar Valon. A pair of servants followed behind carrying heavy packs laden with their new clothes. The argument that they should be allowed to carry their own things had cost them five whole minutes when they should've already been on their way, and he hadn't even won the argument. Both servants had been scandalized by the merest suggestion that their help was unnecessary.

He shoved the memory of that irritating conflict adamantly aside and his thoughts wandered instead to Naeva's lessons. Learning Malkieri dance had been simple enough – even if embarrassing – and she'd focused what little extra time they had on reinforcing their understanding of proper custom. There was a Borderland salute, a specific way to kneel to the King, and a number of formal phrases she had stressed as important. _This is going to be miserable. A ball, a banquet, a wedding..._ Killua fidgeted with annoyance at one of the lacy sleeves of his coat. _I hate these stuffy clothes. I definitely shouldn't have pissed off the seamstress. Gon doesn't have so much lace to deal with._

"My Lord Killua!"

He halted and restrained his reaction at the title to a grimace. One of the servants was bowing to him apologetically. "The Traveling Grounds are in the other direction, my Lord."

"Of course," Killua muttered, and turned on his heel.

"Wow, you must really be distracted. Don't you think this is fun even a little?" Gon teased with a smile.

Killua snorted. "I think a dentist appointment has more potential to be fun."

Gon's smile slipped to seriousness. "Just think of it like another mission, then. If we make it through the next few days without screwing anything up, we've helped Naeva earn freedom and peace of mind."

"Yeah, yeah," Killua grumbled. He was about to add a pledge to be more optimistic when the Traveling Grounds came into view.

Alluka, Naeva, and Moiraine stood ringed by a small cluster of Aes Sedai and Warders to say their final farewells.

"-among us Borderlanders." A tall Warder with his black hair drawn in a high topknot looked like he was doing his best not to loom as he spoke to Naeva. "Any would consider it a great honor."

"My answer remains a simple no," Naeva said.

"I respect your decision, Naeva-Sedai, but I will carry the hope that you might consider changing your mind." The Warder dropped into a steep bow.

Naeva's responding smile was polite, but definitely strained. "Peace favor your sword, Anotoine."

The Warder took a step backward. "Peace favor you, Naeva-Sedai. _Tai'shar Malkier. Tai'shar Manetheren._ " Whatever those words meant, they were echoed with reverence by the other gathered Warders.

The Aes Sedai beside the man who'd been speaking – it was the tall woman who'd given Naeva the cream colored dress – stepped forward. "Please forgive Anotoine, I am afraid the _Gaidin_ as a whole designated him to speak their opinion. He is, if anything, understating the sentiment among those from the Borderlands." She then embraced Naeva, a bit awkwardly. "Farewell, Sister."

Naeva stepped back as the woman released her and caught sight of he and Gon. She leaned to whisper something into Moiraine's ear as they approached and the small crowd shuffled away.

Moiraine looked them over coolly. "At last our party has assembled. We may begin." She brushed down her skirt and glided forward to a waiting Aes Sedai in the center of a clear, cordoned off patch of ground. _She makes it sound like some quest in an RPG. These people are so damn weird._

"Onii-chan, maybe try to look just a tiny bit less grumpy," Alluka whispered at him.

Killua straightened and smoothed the glare from his features. Alluka gave him a quick kiss on the cheek. Moiraine gestured for them to join her and he forced his reluctant feet forward with everyone else.

"I do not understand why _I_ cannot make the Gateway," Naeva complained.

Moiraine shifted an icy look to her. "Obviously you would make one anywhere except where we are supposed to be going."

"Well, you never really considered other options," Naeva said petulantly. "Saldea would have been a nice starting point. I could have worked my way up to Malkier."

Moiraine shook her head. "Please, have more faith in the King. You may go wherever you wish after the Wedding, but it is your duty both to attend and to make peace with your brother before leaving."

Killua had been wondering, over the past few days, what this Deval Mandragoran was going to be like. Asking around the White Tower had led to wildly differing responses. Servants spoke mostly of the family glory, the Aes Sedai of his commanding presence, the Warders of his strength and battle prowess. Moiraine described Deval only as 'a good King – tough, dutiful, and firm in his convictions.' Killua had been tempted to point out then that nobody ever praised the King's intelligence, but decided that would be a quarrelsome opinion to share with his close Adviser.

A silvery Gateway opened before them. It was less than half the size of the ones Naeva usually created, so they'd have to walk through single file. Moiraine shuffled them into an order she found acceptable. She would be first, followed in succession by Naeva, Gon, Alluka, and then himself. Killua wasn't entirely sure that she didn't choose him to be last as a bizarre punishment for his general attitude. Most of the time Moiraine seemed amused by what he said, but occasionally her eyes would flash warning that he'd gone too far. It was impossible to judge where the line was with her.

"We are going straight to the Throne Room," Moiraine informed them. "The King will enter after we do. Kneel, and do not rise until after El'Naeva has. Speak only if you are directly spoken to and you will be fine."

"What happens if we rise too early?" Killua thought that a simple question, but it earned him another of those dangerous, dark-eyed looks.

"You will _not_ rise too early," Moiraine emphasized, then turned to glide through the Gateway.

When it was finally Killua's turn to step through, he observed first the abrupt temperature difference. The Throne Room of the Al'Cairi Palace was chill enough that he felt goosebumps rising on his skin. Abruptly, Killua wished he was wearing one of the elaborate cloaks in his bag as Naeva had recommended. He moved forward to stand beside his sister and hold her hand. Alluka was nervously shifting her weight from one foot to the other, but she had heeded Naeva's advice and worn a heavy cloak, so at least she should be warm.

The size of the room was not as impressive as it might've been if he hadn't already seen so much of the monumental White Tower. Yet what it comparatively lacked in scale, it more than made up for with style. While the color scheme throughout the White Tower was universally harsh, the walls and floor here were an eye-pleasing assortment of hardwood layers and reliefs. Silk streamers in gold and ivory draped in elegant, interlacing arcs from the high ceiling. There was a woven rug – an intricate maze pattern of browns and yellows – spanning the length of the room and stopping at the base of a raised dais. From the edge of the rug and up the white marble steps of the dais was a runner of golden velvet and at the very top sat the hulking throne itself. It was formidable in its stark design, heavy iron bent and shaped almost crudely as though to imply it might've taken the force of the entire Kingdom to hammer the metal into submission. Above the throne hung a massive white banner emblazoned with the Mandragoran sigil – a golden crane in flight above a crown and spear.

Moiraine didn't exactly rush up the steps and to the dark door beside the Throne, but she didn't waste any time about it either. She aimed one last critical look at each of them before going through the door.

For a small moment, they were alone again.

Killua peered sidelong at Naeva. She looked nervous, and that did nothing to help with his own anxiety. "This is supposed to be the easiest part, isn't it?"

Naeva nodded once. "If nothing else, it shall be quick." Then there was the noise of the door opening once again and he watched her features snap to placid composure. She was disturbingly good at that when she wanted to be. He supposed that he'd grown so used to how comfortably she acted at home that he'd forgotten.

Moiraine was the first to enter, followed by a white haired man with a wizard-like beard and a slight limp. They didn't close the door, but took positions on either side of the Throne.

The wiry old man spoke first. Killua was surprised by the rich, regal timbre of his voice. "You are welcomed to the Al'Cairi Palace in Seven Towers, in the nation of Malkier. You are welcomed by the Lord of the Seven Towers, Lord of the Lakes, True Blade of Malkier, Defender of the Wall of First Fires, Bearer of the Sword of the Thousand Lakes, _Dai'shan_ Malkier, the King of Malkier, Al'Deval Mandragoran."

Naeva dropped smoothly. Killua hurried to follow her example, as did Gon and Alluka. They knelt as she had taught them, with left knee and the knuckles of the right fist touching the floor and head bent low.

Though he couldn't see the dais from this position, he recognized Moiraine's musical voice as she spoke next. "Al'Deval, it is my honor to present to you the return of the Lady of the Seven Towers, Lady of the Lakes, _Dai'shan_ Malkier, Princess of Malkier, your Sister-Heir, El'Naeva Mandragoran. She is accompanied by the Lord Killua Zoldyck and his sister Lady Alluka Zoldyck of Kukuroo Mountain of the Republic of Padokea, and Lord Gon Freecs of Whale Island."

There was a palpable silence, and then a voice like thunder rumbling, " _Kodome calichniye ga ni ninte hei,_ El'Naeva."

" _Ninte calichniye mi cuebiyar domashita,_ Al'Deval." That was Naeva's voice. In what peripheral vision he had through the mess of silver hair hanging in his face, he saw her stand.

Killua waited a heartbeat before rising, and helped Alluka up beside him. Gon bounded up only a moment after he did. Killua got his first look at the King, and the man was nothing like he'd been expecting. The only feature he shared with Naeva was that pale, steel-blue gaze. If it weren't for that he would never have suspected they could be related. Deval was tall, broad, and heavily muscled. He kept his long hair – raven black and already going gray at the temples – tied back in a low ponytail, with a thin silver crown wrapped around his brow. His complexion was a good deal lighter than Naeva's, and a closely trimmed beard covered most of his hard, angular face.

"It is good that you have come back to Malkier. You have always been well loved by the people," Deval said. There was not even a hint of warmth in his voice. In fact, though the words were kind on the surface he made them sound suspiciously like a taunt. Without waiting for a reply – maybe one wasn't needed – he spoke gruffly again, "You may approach, El'Naeva."

She stepped up the dais only to kneel again before the Throne. Her brother extended one hand and she kissed the signet ring on his index finger. Killua held back a grimace. That little act of ceremony was particularly uncomfortable, in his opinion. _I know I'm not an expert on normal family relationships, but this doesn't look like it should be called normal at all._ Naeva remained kneeling while Deval pulled back his hand and scrutinized her. She only stood again after he commanded her to.

The King held out his palm and Moiraine dropped a ring into it. "This ring is yours by birthright." Now his tone was almost openly mocking. He extended the tiny circlet of gold to Naeva and she slid it onto the thumb of her right hand. "Step down."

Naeva did so, expression unreadable as she rejoined the rest of them. She turned to face her brother and bowed her head. "I thank you, my King."

Deval's gaze swept over the lot of them. He stopped at the end of the line on Gon. "Tell me, Lord Gon. How long have you known my Sister-Heir?"

Gon answered easily, "Three years, Your Majesty."

The King settled against the back of his throne and raised his chin – odd, how much more aggravating Killua found that motion from him than from Naeva. "And in all that time, have you heard her express that there are duties she has been neglecting?"

Gon's eyebrows lowered, a light of fierceness entering his eyes. "Naeva wasn't neglecting anything on purpose, and she's told me plenty about those duties." His jaw clenched and he added belatedly, "Your Majesty."

 _Keep it together, Gon. Weren't you the one reminding me that this is a mission? I don't feel like Naeva will be very pleased if we have to fight our way out of this place because her brother orders you locked up for insolence!_ He could wish that the King had chosen to focus on him, instead. It wasn't that he was any less offended, but he was way better at lying, and that might become necessary if the questioning turned even more unpleasant.

Deval only stared Gon down an instant longer before turning his gaze on Alluka. Killua felt himself tense up. _So he's singling us out one at a time. Is he planning to ask some insulting question of each of us? What's the point? Is he using us to try and shame Naeva?_

"Lady Alluka." Remarkably, Deval's voice was a trace softer than it'd been when he addressed Gon. Maybe they really were strict in the Borderlands about treating women graciously. "Moiraine-Sedai has informed me that you are very close to my Sister-Heir. She cannot lie, but I should like to hear this truth confirmed by you, in your own words."

Alluka's hand tightened around his and he squeezed back to offer comfort. "That's true. Naeva and I are best friends."

"Best friends," Deval repeated that with distaste, then went back to cold imperiousness. "I see. In your judgment, has El'Naeva enjoyed the years she has spent with you?"

"I... I would say yes, Your Majesty." Alluka looked suddenly uncertain of herself. Killua squeezed on her hand again.

Deval's gaze slid right over him to fasten on Naeva. "From the mouths of your close friends, you are both aware of your failure to fulfill your obligations and untroubled by it. Can you justify this to me, El'Naeva?"

Gon had his quivering hands gripped tightly behind his back. Alluka's lips pressed together and a thin whimper left her. Killua was gritting his teeth, himself.

"I offer my sincerest apology for any distress my failure has caused the Throne, Al'Deval." Naeva remained unperturbed. "What I cannot offer you is an acceptable justification. These past years I have been absent from my duty, unreachable by you, and quite happy."

The tension should've been visibly crackling in the air between the two siblings, but they both kept up flawless composure. It was spooky.

Deval disregarded Naeva to settle his focus on Killua at last. "Lord Killua. You, as I have heard it told, are responsible for saving the life of my Sister-Heir on at least two occasions. I believe just compensation is in order for that deed, and yet Moiraine-Sedai claims you would refuse any reward I were to offer. Is that true?"

"Yes." Killua made sure his tone was bland. "I don't expect or want any kind of compensation for saving the life of a friend, Your Majesty."

"That is honorable of you." Deval tapped his index finger on the arm of the Throne and his flashy ring clinked upon the iron. The motion and the sound it made was distracting, and probably intentionally so. "Yet you misunderstand me. I would not offer on the basis that you acted to protect a friend. My Sister-Heir's life is of great value to Malkier, and anyone would have earned recompense from the Throne for restoring that value. Lord Killua, will you accept the reward of three hundred gold marks for protecting an asset of the Kingdom?"

 _An asset?_ The King's words stabbed into him. Killua held tighter to his sister's hand, but this time it was for his own comfort. _Naeva... he's trying to say that she's of value to the Kingdom, but not to him._ His thoughts flew backward to the introductory lesson in _daes dae'mar_ that Moiraine had goaded Naeva into providing, and all at once he could see that the entire exchange that day had been meant as a kindness. _Moiraine was never actually trying to manipulate us. She meant to prepare us for this. Damn, she's crafty._ "I respectfully decline, Your Majesty."

The barest twitch of displeasure crossed Deval's expression before it hardened like stone once more. "The three of you appear to place great import on El'Naeva's friendship. I cannot help but be dubious of your judgment. Does it not bother you that she is erratic, irresponsible, and-"

"Naeva isn't irresponsible!" Alluka was the one who finally snapped. His sister glared up at the King, then recoiled in surprise when his gaze locked on her. She looked like she hadn't realized she'd interrupted at all. The blood drained from her face and Killua steeled himself. He relaxed into a protective stance and his mind cleared of anything but the conviction to defend his sister at the first sign of trouble.

An angry red flush alighted Deval's skin and he opened his mouth, but was interrupted again.

This time it was Naeva, and she rather outdid the King for how enraged she was. She hurried to place herself in front of Alluka. "Up until the instant you crown a Queen or cast me out, Al'Deval, I _am_ the Lady of the Lakes! My friends are to be treated as highly honored guests in the Al'Cairi Palace, with no justification needed other than that I command it to be so _._ " She stepped forward slowly – right at the foot of the dais, now – and he couldn't read her expression any longer, but by the pale nervousness of Moiraine's face it must've been thunderous. "By extending disrespect to guests of the Lady of the Lakes you are disrespecting the Throne itself. For the dignity of the Kingdom of Malkier, I am _duty-bound_ to remind you of mine own."

Following that tirade, there was a heavy silence that stretched on far too long. _She really tore into him. That was... well, it was impressive, but she'd better have a Gateway at the ready if her brother wants our heads for that._ Moiraine was staring at Deval. She seemed to be holding her breath for his reaction. Gon wasn't making any sort of effort to hide his rebellious glare. Alluka had been undeniably frightened by the shift in atmosphere after her outburst. Aside from Killua himself, who was trying to keep his eye on everything at once, the wizardly man was the only one whose attention wasn't fixed on the King. He was studying Naeva with clear approval.

Deval huffed a loud breath that broke the quiet. "Were it not for your ardor, that might have been eloquent. You have reminded me of the dignity of your station, and equally confirmed that you are as erratic as ever."

Naeva didn't get the chance to respond. The door to the Throne Room crashed open, drawing annoyed looks from the people on the dais and making Alluka jump.

A lean, middle aged man in a frilly coat similar to the one Killua himself wore sauntered in. He had a wide brimmed, well worn hat atop his graying brown hair and a black leather eye patch snug across the lined skin of his face. His remaining eye twinkled brightly with joy. He rushed down the steps, staggering once at the bottom with a hand to his chest. " _Light,_ Moiraine! I waited long enough! Don't make me throw my own titles around, you know how I bloody hate that."

Deval stood up before the man had even finished speaking, expression dark, and left through the door he'd come in by without another word. _Is that it? Does that mean it's over?_

"Uncle Mat!" Naeva ran forward to throw herself at the man.

" _Mi Mindena!_ " Mat's face split with a wide grin. He caught Naeva in his arms, hugging her tight before he set her back down again. She was beaming. "Not as little as you used to be, though, are you?" he remarked, patting a hand atop her head. "You look well, _Mindena_. Nobody bothers to listen to me around here, but I knew you were alive the whole time." He blinked his one eye so emphatically that Killua guessed it was probably meant to serve as a wink.

The white haired man sighed, and with Moiraine beside him he spryly navigated his way down the steps. He twirled one of his long moustaches around a knobby finger and regarded them all. Looking at those sharp blue eyes closely now, Killua was certain there was not a single detail that escaped this man's attention. "My name is Thomdril Merrilin. If you please, you may call me Thom." He introduced himself, dropping the singlemost elaborate bow Killua had witnessed in this world full of people who loved their elaborate bowing. _Merrilin... Moiraine's father, possibly?_ "Naeva, my dear, I am gladdened to see you alive and so vivacious. For a minute there, I almost bought into your meek little Lady act."

Naeva's expression became chagrined. "I did intend to keep it up, but I was not expecting Al'Deval might turn his scorn for me on my friends."

"I think you went too easy on him," Mat said, completely ignoring Moiraine's reproachful glance.

Thom cleared his throat. "It occurs to me, my dear, that you and your companions might prefer to adjourn to the Blue Room."

"We should have welcomed them there to begin with," Mat complained loudly. "All this pomp is inappropriate, given the circumstances."

Moiraine frowned, uncharacteristic lines of irritation appearing between her eyebrows. "These circumstances are unprecedented. The King was extending a gesture of utmost formality, and his decision is not within your purview to criticize."

Mat's one dark eye narrowed. "An Aes Sedai's truth, and I'll be having none of it. Blood and ashes, Moiraine! Al'Deval wanted to _intimidate_ them, and I won't stand for such goosegutted tactics from-"

Moiraine took a step forward and jabbed a finger into Mat's chest, radiating fury. "You might hold great authority and have some gray in your hair now, Matrim Cauthon, but you are still the rapscallion child you were when I first laid eyes on you. I shall _not_ permit you to speak ill of Al'Deval Mandragoran in his very Throne Room." Those low words were nothing short of an outright threat. It was a far cry from the melodic pleasantness Killua had come to expect from her voice.

" _Cuande mia ma, drova!_ " Mat refused to back down, drawing himself up to his full height to tower over the diminutive Moiraine. "All the more reason not to stay in the Throne Room a moment longer. _Lyet_ , _mi Mindena._ I want to get to know your friends without a bloody banner hanging over our heads." He took Naeva's hand in his and she let him drag her toward the doors on the wall opposite the dais.

Alluka and Gon hurried to follow, Killua just behind them. A few white liveried servants were carrying away their bags in the opposite direction. As they left the Throne Room behind, Moiraine and Thom remained to put their heads together and exchange urgent whispers.

Naeva had to really hustle to keep up with her uncle's long-legged strides. "Was it Min? One of her omens-"

"We can get to that later," Mat interrupted with a shake of his head.

Killua had to grit his teeth again. Even when they weren't speaking that damn foreign language, there was no way he had enough context to understand more than half of what they were saying.

Without slowing, Mat pounded a fist against one of the doors they passed. "Abrim! Meet me in the Blue Room – and bring my _ashandarei!_ "

"Abrim is here?" Naeva asked with what might've been a tremor of unease – he thought it equally likely her voice only shook because she was effectively jogging to keep pace.

They turned right into a new corridor and then through a dark paneled door. Mat wore an impish grin on his face. "I have not yet told him about your return. The look on his face will be bloody priceless."

It seemed they were going no further, but if this room was the Blue Room than it'd been very poorly named. There was no color at all to the decor; everything was shades of white and gray. The effect was like intruding into a scene from a washed out monochrome movie.

"That's it, I've had enough!" Killua snapped. The absurdity of the past few minutes had built to a level greater than he could bear. "Who is Min? Who is Abrim? What's an _ashandarei_?" He turned his narrowed gaze on Naeva's uncle. "Why do you keep calling Naeva _Mindena?_ And someone had better tell me why the hell this is called a Blue Room!"

Everyone turned to look at him at once and Killua felt his temper shrivel beneath their stares. Mat's eye was goggling practically out of his head. Gon and Alluka exchanged a very worried glance with one another. Naeva, however, burst out in a fit of giggles so overpowering that she had to lean against her uncle to support herself.

Killua summoned an indignant glare for her. "None of this is funny."

"It- it is!" Naeva managed to smother her laughter and stand upright again, though a mirthful smile curved her lips. "Let me see if I caught everything there... Uncle calls me _Mindena_ because it means 'little song' in the Old Tongue. An _ashandarei_ is a blade tipped quarterstaff, and Min is a psychic of sorts who councils Mat's wife Fortuona, the Empress of the Crystal Throne of Seanchan."

The door behind Killua opened and a man who was maybe just a few years older than he scurried inside. He had mocha colored skin and wore a black military styled uniform not unlike what the M'Hael had worn, if less ornate. His hands were tight around what was now recognizable to Killua as the aforementioned _ashandarei_. The newcomer looked around the room in confusion and did a double take upon spotting Naeva. He gasped raggedly, eyes bulging, and stumbled backward until his heels hit the door. The _ashandarei_ tumbled from his slack grip and Killua caught the weapon in a quick hand before it hit the floor.

There was a sadness in Naeva's expression as the two stared at one another. She buried that emotion swiftly, and glanced back at Killua. "Ah, I forgot one of your questions. Allow me to introduce you to my kith, Abrim Cauthon." She made their own introductions, and when she turned her gaze to Abrim again she faltered somewhat. Her stare fell to the dual pins adorning his high black collar – a golden dragon and a silver sword. "You are an Asha'man now, Abe!"

Abrim pried himself forward slowly, looking as if he was worried he might be dreaming. "And you're alive." He knelt before her and took one of her hands between his, stroking his thumb over the golden serpent ring. "You're really _alive,_ " he repeated in disbelief, tears welling in his eyes. "I acted against your wishes. If you hate me, I'll accept that."

Sorrow crept back over Naeva and Killua made the connection he should have in the first. _This is the boy Naeva told us about. He was captured with her. She freed him, and..._ He scrutinized the man. _Maybe not a boy, like I'd imagined. If she was eleven, he would've been about my age back then._

Naeva tugged Abrim to his feet. "I do not hate you," she said. "What happened could not have been prevented, no matter what action you chose."

Abrim lost the battle against his tears and they trekked down his cheeks silently. He turned away to rummage through his pockets for a handkerchief and dry his face.

Naeva laid a ginger touch on his back. "I am quite well, cos. You ought not be troubled over those old memories any longer."

Abrim turned back to her with a smile that looked somewhat forced. "You're still the kindhearted girl I remember..." He dropped his guilt filled eyes to the carpet and sighed. "Burn me, but I have to go. The M'Hael is expecting me back tonight."

Mat frowned. "Why? I thought you were going to stay for the Wedding."

"I'll be back before the Wedding," Abrim assured him. "I've an important assignment to complete, but it won't take long."

Mat grumbled in Old Tongue under his breath, but didn't argue the point.

Abrim gulped, adam's apple bobbing in his throat. "Be well while I'm gone, El'Naeva." He bent at the waist to bow to her. On his way out, however, he missed a step and looked back to stare at Gon, then Alluka, and then himself. "Kindly forgive my lapse in manners my Lords, my Lady. Goodbye to you as well, um... all of you." He waved a gesture that encompassed them, bowed once more, and then was gone from the room. Naeva continued staring at the door after it had closed.

Mat extended a hand toward him and Killua realized he was still holding the man's quarterstaff. He passed it over.

"Thank you, m'boy." Mat flashed a grin. Perhaps because the term was so cheerily spoken, it didn't rankle him as it normally would. "I made Moiraine mighty upset back there, and I may need to defend myself in a bloody hurry if she comes back to throw things at me." He twirled his weapon in a deft hand.

Killua nodded his understanding. Moiraine only rarely displayed such strong emotion, and if it were him she had gotten so angry with, he'd have similar concerns.

Naeva turned back from the door to skewer Mat with a chastising look. "You should not have called her a hag, Uncle."

"Yes, well, that was a tad excessive." Mat winced. "But she got right in my flaming face and called me a child! What did she expect, that I'd hang back while Deval behaved like a goon? He had the poor girl terrified!" He accompanied that with a flick of his wrist toward Alluka, then turned an exasperated look on Killua. "And you, with that cocksure _Gaidin_ stance! The other boy looked ready enough to take an honest swing, but when _your_ eyes got dark I thought a bloody battle was about to break out!"

Killua's eyebrow twitched. _Where the hell was he even watching from? I guess it's good that he was_. _If he hadn't stepped in to diffuse the situation... I really don't know what was about to happen. Maybe it would've been a bloody battle._ "I can't tell if you're insulting or complimenting me."

"Both!" Mat shouted, then went on more wryly, "You pricked my every instinct for danger, and I've good bloody instincts. I wanted to burst in right then, but I also felt like I was going to sick up. Thank the Light _Mindena_ gave her haughty speech and I remembered myself."

The assessment was both uncomfortable and strangely bolstering to Killua. _At least he doesn't play around with his words._

Mat recovered well from outrage, or else just chose to forget it. He pulled his hat off his head and used it to add flourish to a swaggering bow. "I'm Matrim Cauthon, and right pleased to meet you all. Probably should have said that sooner, but it's been the kind of day to make a man's head spin."

Alluka smiled at him shyly. "I was glad you stepped in when you did." She laced her fingers together in front of her. "I've never yelled at a King before."

Mat chuckled. "I thought you were doing very well at it, _Amseiera_."

"What does that mean?" Alluka tilted her head. " _Amseiera?_ "

Naeva finally blinked back to the present moment. She darted an amused glance at her uncle. "It means 'pretty eyes of blue'." When Alluka turned pink at that, she gave her a fond smile. "It is fitting."

Gon grinned. "Do I get a fun nickname, too?"

Mat laughed more raucously. "Nicknames are for the pretty girls only, son. I do not have enough free space in my mind to keep track of being sweet to everyone." He tapped his temple with a long finger. "Priorities, you see."

Naeva folded her arms across her chest and faced her uncle seriously. "I would like to know what omens Min saw about me."

"Of course you bloody do." Mat settled his _ashandarei_ casually across his shoulders. "The last time she saw you... this would have been just before your mother let you go to Tar Valon. Anyway, there were four that troubled her. One was a black dagger, balanced on its point. Min says that indicates some critical choice you'll make. There was a spider tangled up in the web of a larger spider that is caught in yet another web – likely related to Moghedien. Another image was translucent, your hand grabbing hold of a chain. Min says that one baffles her, but Tuon mumbled about a chain in the hand being an omen of freedom. That's just her Seanchan superstition, never makes a lick of sense. The final image was a grinning fox knitting a doll. Neither had meaning to give there, but it seems to me that it might be related to the Eelfinn. Not that any of the women in my life thinks my opinion deserves even a whit of credibility."

Naeva arched an eyebrow. "From that jumble of nonsense, you surmised that I was still alive?"

Mat smirked. "It mainly hinged on my interpretation of the last omen, but yes. I was fairly certain you had not had any encounters with the Eelfinn at the time of your disappearance." The smirk fell away from his face with a suddenness. "You still have not encountered them, have you?"

Naeva frowned. "I might have an answer for you if I had any bloody clue what an Eelfinn even is."

Gon burst into laughter. "S-sorry!" He struggled to reign it in. "I was about to ask that. It just seemed really funny that you didn't know, either."

Mat snorted. "Burn me, have you never read the chapter I wrote for The Travels of Jain Farstrider? I worked bloody hard on that!" He paused there, perhaps for extra emphasis, before giving his actual answer. "The world of the Finn is only tenuously connected to ours, far more distant than any Mirror World. Eelfinn look like a cross between humans and foxes, and they make bloody _terrible_ bargains with anyone fool enough to visit their realm."

Naeva winced. "I suppose- I do not know how, but when Moghedien fled Uncle Perrin... we went somewhere strange. It may have been the world you describe. I only saw those creatures for a moment before I lost consciousness, and I when I woke up it was in a different world entirely."

Mat paled a shade. "Did they give you anything? Have you paid your price?"

Naeva shook her head. "I had no interaction with them, and I did not have anything at all when I woke up."

Mat exhaled a plainly relieved breath. "It's possible that they only made a deal with Moghedien," he mused. "But then what is the meaning of the knitted doll?"

"I have no idea, Uncle."

Killua wished he could go just one day here without being baffled by something. _Omens, now? Am I supposed to take that seriously? Fox people... at least that one isn't new._ He flopped down onto the plush white couch. _White._ There was another mystery that was still bothering him. "Wait, is anyone going to tell me why this is called the Blue Room?" He split his glower equally between Naeva and Mat.

Naeva's eyes brightened with her sudden smile. "Ah, did I neglect to answer that one?" She ambled to the heavy gray curtain that covered the far wall and pulled the drapery aside to reveal a large pane of tinted glass. Moonlight poured through and illuminated the room with an ethereal glow that turned everything brilliant shades of blue.

Gon whistled his appreciation and rushed to the window to peer out. "Wow!"

Alluka hurried to join him. "Oh! Onii-chan, it's so _beautiful_ , come and look!"

Killua stopped blinking at the vivid color shift and stood up to oblige his sister and look out the window. There was a massive lake outside. It extended from just beyond the foot of the high wall below them to the sloping hills in the distance. Beyond that he could see even more lakes and far distant, snowy mountain peaks. The surface of the waters below were placid, refracting images of the waning moon.

Naeva simpered up at him. "Welcome to the Blue Room."


	13. The Game Must Be Played

Naeva fastened the buttons up the back of Alluka's dress and was grateful that her hands were steadier than her thoughts. The dress was burgundy slashed with gold across the bodice and skirt. It was an Andoran cut, with a square neckline, tight sleeves, and puffed shoulders. She had plaited small pieces of Alluka's hair from the front and secured them together in the back with a firedrop-studded clip.

"It is a good thing I am not envious by nature," Naeva said with a smile. "You are so lovely, Alluka-chan."

Her best friend did an energetic spin and regarded her reflection in the tall mirror. "I can't imagine having to dress like this every single day, but I have to say that it's been pretty fun so far."

Naeva laughed. "It was easier when I did not understand how much easier it is to wear pants. Ah, and shorts! I miss shorts terribly. Would you help me with these laces?"

She scrutinized her own image while Alluka tightened the laces of her dress. Naeva had selected taupe colored velvet for today. Black lace was attached to the sleeves at the elbows and draped loosely down to shroud over her hands. She did up the laces on the high collar herself, obscuring the old purple scar from the _a'dam_. Over the collar she tied a wide, black satin ribbon into a neat bow. Her hair had to be left loose, as was expected of Malkieri women. The final necessary touches were the blue _ki'sain_ and a white fringed shawl with the teardrop of the White Tower across the back.

Naeva secured the shawl with a gold crane pin before turning to Alluka. "I cannot procrastinate any longer. Shall we fetch the boys?"

Alluka nodded happily. "Let's go!"

Naeva wished she could share her enthusiasm. She put a hand to her diaphragm and drew in a succession of practiced breaths. They swept out of her room and past the four Royal Guardsmen standing attention at her door. But then Naeva halted, whipping her head back to stare. "Rem? _Light_ , Rem, you have white in your hair!"

The flinty eyed soldier bit off an abrupt laugh. "We all age, my Lady. Some of us faster than others."

Naeva felt her stomach wring with guilt. It was no small thing, swearing your life to protect Crown and Kingdom. The five years between her leaving Seven Towers and her sudden reappearance had aged Rem more harshly than seemed possible. He had been her most youthful Guardsman, a lively man fresh from his teens who oft tried to make her laugh. If she did not know better, she would have guessed him now to be past forty.

"Thank you for your service, Rem. Thank you to all of you." Naeva curtsied to the four Guardsmen. It was in defiance of proper custom to do so, and they looked incredibly embarrassed as she straightened.

When she turned again with Alluka to make the short trip down the corridor to Gon and Killua's room, her Guardsmen followed. They would flank her everywhere she went for the duration of her time in the Palace – just as they always had when she was a child – watchful for any potential threats. It made no difference to them that she could defend herself quite well on her own.

Naeva knocked on the door she had been seeking with more urgency than she felt comfortable with. When there was no immediate response, she pushed the door open and went in anyway. Her assigned Guardsmen took up position in the corridor to wait at attention until she left again.

Gon whirled on his heel with a sunny smile for them. He was looking sharp in gold embroidered black, today. "Good morning!"

Killua was still tugging a gray silk shirt over his head, but at least he had his britches on already. She really had not considered the awkward possibilities before barging in. He looked plenty alert, but not precisely happy to be so. "Is there some unspoken rule around here that demands getting up so damn early?"

Cheeks burning, Naeva stared at the wall while Killua tucked the hem of his shirt into his waistband. "Yes," she said, "it is one of the most important secret rules. Almost as important as always stepping forward with your right foot when you cross the threshold of a doorway."

Gon glanced down at his black boots with a nervous chuckle. "It _sounds_ like you're joking. You're only joking, right?"

Naeva offered him an apologetic smile. She remembered very well what it was like to be in a strange new world with customs you could not learn fast enough. "Only a joke. Try not to be nervous. If you were to break any laws, I would order said laws abolished."

Killua shrugged on a white coat with thickly cuffed sleeves. It was very heavily embroidered with spiraling silver and scarlet scrollwork. The seamstress must have been particularly enthusiastic in his case to ride the fine line between elaborate and ostentatious. He left the coat unbuttoned and ran a soft bristled brush through his hair. "You're a lot scarier in Princess mode."

"It did take years of training to perfect," Naeva said. "Are you two ready for breakfast? I am ravenous this morning and have been informed that the kitchen is making all of my favorite things." Her mouth actually watered at the thought of Malkieri breakfast tea and hot, crusty bread dipped in lamb gravy.

"Will we be eating with the King?" Alluka inquired anxiously, fiddling with a lock of her long ebon hair.

Naeva shook her head. "The King is in private council this morning with Thom and Moiraine while they prepare for the day's arrivals."

Killua frowned. "Isn't your brother going to speak with you at some point? Ya know, like an actual conversation without all of the kneeling and ring kissing business? I thought that was our main reason for being here."

"Al'Deval... we are meeting tomorrow, he and I." Naeva forced a smile that probably looked more like a grimace. "So you shall be prepared to break me out if he tosses me in a prison cell, yes?" That was meant as a jape, but none of them took it as one. Gon and Alluka both shot her surprised looks.

Killua only nodded. "I'm always prepared for you getting yourself into trouble, Naeva."

She grew involuntarily still as the memory arose of Moghedien's interrogation – the unbridled panic, the Gateway lashing back at her, the heat, the smoke, and the cries of pain and confusion all around. _I should be dead right now, if not for Killua's preparedness. I should be scattered ash on the Yverris Plains._

"Naeva-chan, are you okay?" Alluka asked with plain concern.

Naeva had to rally herself to focus on her best friend's gaze. "Yes, of course." She had not yet been brave enough to bring up what had happened. The flames and the screams were a festering ache in the back of her heart. "Actually, I-" She started off too faintly and had to inject some strength into her voice. "-I need to speak with Killua for a moment alone, if you both do not mind."

Killua's gaze found hers and held there. She had no doubt that he could easily enough guess what she wanted to talk about.

"Okay." Gon spoke up without any hesitation. He put a hand on Alluka's shoulder. "Let's head on out to breakfast then, right Alluka?"

To buy herself a moment to collect her troubled thoughts, Naeva opened the door for them. "Rem?"

The Guardsman turned and bowed with fist to heart. "Yes, my Lady?"

Naeva mustered a smile for him. "Please escort Lord Gon and Lady Alluka to the Dawn Room and inform the Prince of the Ravens that I shall be only a few minutes behind. Protect them as well as you protect me."

Rem inclined his head. "As you wish, my Lady." He led the way down the corridor and Gon and Alluka followed, the latter giving her one last worried look as she passed.

Naeva closed the door and concentrated to summon the Void. Floating in emptiness, she felt secure enough to turn back around and face Killua. "About the day we went to see Moghedien-"

"I almost wanted to hope it was another thing you were just gonna bury away," Killua interrupted, then sighed. He ran a hand through his freshly groomed hair and it promptly returned to its usual messiness.

Naeva tried not to see the sorrow in his features. When that failed, she settled for closing her eyes. "My weaving that Gateway so carelessly, knowing how devastating a rebound might be... it was as good as murder. Do you know how many died?"

There was the warmth of a touch on her face and her eyes flew open. Killua's fierce glare was only inches in front of her, his hands on her cheeks. "Idiot." The word was low, frustrated, and from him she always found it endearing. "Intent matters, Naeva. You didn't murder anyone." He frowned and the anger in his eyes dissipated. "You caused an accident, and people died. It was still an accident."

"Calling it by a kinder word does nothing to absolve me." Naeva had to press on. Her emotions were bearing down, battering against the barrier she only barely held in place to restrain them. "How many people did I kill that day?"

Killua let his hands fall back to his sides. There was reluctance in his expression, but he answered her. "Nine. Moghedien was one, seven were other prisoners serving life sentences, and one was a Knight of the Holy Coventry."

Naeva lost the Void and retreated. She made it only two steps before her back was against the door. _Nine? I killed nine people! Light! I thought it would be more and a part of me is relieved. Burn it all, nine people are dead and a part of me is relieved!_ Her stomach heaved queasily and it took everything she had to avoid vomiting – not that she had anything yet in her stomach to sick up. For what might have been seconds or entire minutes she allowed herself only to absorb the horror of it. _Nine lives paid for my fool mistake._

"Don't let it break you down." Killua took a pace nearer. "If you do, I swear I won't forgive you." There was a flicker of trepidation in his gaze.

Naeva felt herself giving in to the ferocity of her emotions and had the sense to weave a bubble of silence over the room. Her back slid down the door until she was sitting on the floor with her knees pulled to her chest. She did not cry, but she covered her face with her hands and screamed. All of her shame poured into that scream, and when she ran out of oxygen she coughed wretchedly.

When she dared to lift her head again, Killua was kneeling in front of her. He opened his mouth as if to say something, but shut it again without a word. Instead he pulled her toward him and held her.

"There is nothing I can do." Naeva choked the words out weakly. Her hands tightened around handfuls of his silk shirt, probably wrinkling it.

"You just have to make peace with what happened." Killua rested his chin on the top of her head. "I know you're strong enough."

Naeva pressed herself more closely to him. It made her feel like a child, but it was also comforting. "I do not want to do that anymore." She cringed at the petulance of her own words. "It is too much, and I feel so sick. People keep dying, and it is always my fault. _You_ might have died. I wish it had just been me this time."

"I wish I'd gotten you out of there sooner." Killua set his hands to her shoulders and pulled away just enough to look at her solemnly. "But what happened is what it is." His grip tightened for a brief squeeze. "And if I ever hear you wish death on yourself again, I won't be held responsible for how angry I get with you. This time – just this once _–_ I'll let it slide. Do you understand me?"

_Stop looking at me like that. Stop feeling sad for me... Burn you, Killua! I am not half so strong as you say I am!_

Killua closed his eyes. "I couldn't possibly count the number of people I've killed. The only reason I had was that someone told me to, that I was trained to kill and I could do it well. That was my life, and it was too long before the thought even occurred to me that I might question any of it." When he opened his eyes again they were unfocused, faraway. She knew that his past was cruel and painful, but he had never before spoken to her about it so vulnerably. "I've killed people since then, too. Never by accident, and not always for a good reason." His jaw clenched and he put his hands back on her cheeks, one thumb absently swiping away a lone tear that she had not felt slipping free. "Don't start crying _now_ , stupid, or I'll think you're crying for me."

Naeva pulled in a lungful of breath and it left her again in a weak, humorless laugh. "Maybe I am. Maybe I am crying for the both of us."

A flush spread across Killua's face, but he did not move away. "I don't know why I'm still here, but I keep moving on anyway. There have been times when the people I care about were put in jeopardy because of me, and other times when they might've died if I wasn't around to protect them. I can't fix the past or predict the future and you can't, either. We're both just going to keep moving on anyway. Okay?"

Naeva nodded and Killua continued to stare intently into her eyes until, strangely, she felt somewhat better. "Okay."

Killua helped her up to her feet. "Maybe..." He looked her over skeptically. "Maybe you should take some extra time. We can bring breakfast back here for you."

"No, I must face the day." Naeva managed a tiny smile. "Al'Deval is busy doing his duty, and as long as I remain here, as his Heir, I must do the same."

Killua's expression tightened. "I've been really trying to keep an open mind, but I'm just gonna be honest. I don't like your brother."

Naeva smiled more sincerely. Maybe it was not fair, but in a Palace full of people sworn to serve the Throne it felt nice to have at least a few on her side. _Still, I must set it all straight._ "It is not easy to be a King," she said, "unless you are a terrible King. The burden fell upon him too early, but even so Al'Deval is a better ruler than most."

Killua scowled, but he did not argue with her.

Naeva wanted to thank him for that – for everything – but no words she could think of came near to how grateful she felt. Instead, she acted on the urge to stand on tiptoe and press a kiss onto his cheek. At his startled look, she hurriedly averted her eyes and busied her hands with straightening the lapels of his coat. "We ought get going. No one will be permitted to eat until I arrive." She whirled about to open the door.

Rem had returned while they had been speaking, and all four Guardsmen bowed as she passed before falling into step behind her and Killua. She led the way to the Dawn Room and tried to steer her thoughts back to practicality. _I am sure Deval is as eager as I am to relieve me of the title of Heir. It does not have to be a difficult conversation. At least I have today to steel my nerves for it. Ah, I hope the breakfast rolls are still warm!_ Her stomach rumbled – embarrassingly loud – as they approached the door to the Dawn Room and she caught the pleasant aroma of fresh food.

Two of her guards positioned themselves to open the door for them. Naeva already had a smile on her face and was ready to walk straight in when her feet stuck to the floor. There were two people in the Dawn Room she had not been expecting. The first was Abrim, which was a nice surprise. She was glad to see that he had finished his business so soon. The second was Girald Damodred sur Paendrag Paeron, both older and more arrogant looking than she remembered. That last was staggering, given she remembered him as an egotistical brute.

Killua gave her a sidelong look and Naeva forced the smile back to her face. With utmost haste she laced her arm through his, resting her hand on the crook of his elbow as though he had been escorting her the entire way. When Girald looked over, his gaze snapped immediately to that point of contact and his brows drew together in a quick twitch of uncertainty. It was not at all easy to drag Killua into the room and make it look like he was leading the way, but Naeva judged she did alright. _Burn me, I do play daes dae'mar as naturally as the rest of them._

Naeva waved a quick hand in greeting to stop anyone rising at her entrance. That sufficed for Mat and Abrim, who merely smiled at her and scooted their chairs back in, but not for Girald. He left the table entirely to bow before her. Girald was... it galled to admit, but he had matured even more handsomely than she would have predicted. His elegantly groomed brunette hair was just long enough to curl over the tops of his ears, and that fine boned face may as well have been commissioned by a master artist. There had been a time when his beauty had been enough to dazzle her mind into thinking well of his character, but that time had been short lived.

"I am surprised to see you here so early, Lord Girald," Naeva remarked. "It was my understanding that guests would not be arriving until this afternoon."

Girald, despite her flagrant show of disinterest, affected a beguiling smile. "Would it be untoward to tell you honestly that I could wait no longer to see you with my own eyes? It has been such a long time, El'Naeva, and I quite missed you."

She gave a single, polite nod. "You ought retake your seat. I have delayed breakfast long enough already."

He seemed a bit dejected that she did not acknowledge his flattery, but only for a second. Girald returned to his seat gracefully, watching her from beneath his long, dark lashes all the while. A member of the kitchen staff pulled two chairs back from the table for she and Killua to sit down in.

With a brighter expression, Naeva turned to Alluka. "I am sorry that I made you wait for so long, Alluka-chan. You too, Gon."

Her best friend smiled. "It was okay. Your uncle Mat is very entertaining."

Naeva aimed a grin at her roguish uncle. "That he is."

Mat laughed, but she noticed his attention flicked briefly to Girald before he settled it on her. "I must admit I was not overly thrilled to hear that you were allowed to be alone in a bedroom with Lord Killua."

Her silver haired friend choked on the drink of water he had been attempting, face turning rapidly red and then blue. Gon, eyes very concerned and only a little amused, clapped him on the back until he stopped spluttering. Girald was now studying Killua with guarded scrutiny.

Mat rolled his shoulders. "Ah, but then I remembered that Lord Killua is a fine and trustworthy young gentleman." She nearly displayed open shock, but managed to smooth it over and replace it with a coy smile. _I did not expect you to play along, Uncle. Poor Killua must be terribly confused._ "Also," Mat continued suavely, "I was probably just envious that nobody ever let _me_ off alone with pretty girls at his age. My ears were boxed on more than one occasion for trying, and most oft by your mother. She carried an oak branch around with her everywhere, solely for the purpose of having it at hand to swing at me."

Naeva's smile became quite genuine at that image. She picked up a still steaming roll from the table and had it halfway to her mouth when a stab of pain arced between her temples. The bread dropped from her limp hand. She might have even whimpered. It was Killua who caught her before she fell out of her chair and hit the floor – well before she even felt that she was falling.

"Naeva!" Killua called her name and she winced as the pain pounded to a new level of intensity.

Naeva ground her teeth together, unable to respond. The room spun dizzily, but she thought she saw the blurred form of someone rushing toward her. Killua's grip on her shoulders tightened.

Abrim's voice sounded with urgency from somewhere nearby. "I have a Talent for Healing! If you'll just let me touch her, I can Heal her!"

 _Must everyone shout?_ Naeva wished she could find her own voice and order them to stop it. S _omebody Heal this blasted headache before I bite my blasted tongue off!_ Light, it hurt so badly! Worse, it felt like _sheer_ pain. Naeva had been acquainted with the feel of a good number of pains, and sheer, baseless pain was its own distinct agony.

Cool hands were placed on either side of her face. She squeezed her eyes shut and shook as the One Power flowed into her body, but when that icy pulse ebbed away it took the pain with it. Naeva blinked her eyes open and her vision was normal again. It was Abrim who had his hands on her head, and he quickly withdrew them. Naeva offered him a grateful smile. "Thank you, cos."

"It was the least I could do." Abrim frowned at her. "That was a fearsome migraine."

 _A migraine?_ Naeva recovered her breathing and her stability – admittedly, with a good deal of Killua's assistance. "I am fine, now."

Alluka, whose eyes had been alight with worry, slowly relaxed. "I've never seen you collapse out of nowhere like that."

Killua looked to Abrim. "It was only a migraine?"

Abrim winced. "El'Naeva went too long without food. The body has a way of making its needs known." He retrieved the roll she had dropped and pressed it into her hands.

Naeva took an obliging bite, swallowing before speaking up dubiously, "A headache like that, from hunger?" _I was very hungry, but I have been very hungry countless_ _times before without that happening._

Mat smiled broadly at his son. "Abrim is a highly skilled Delver. I have heard the M'Hael boast him as the finest the Black Tower has." His eye flashed back at her, critical. "You must take better care of yourself, _Mindena_."

Gon added his opinion with an emphatic nod. "Aunt Mito gets awful headaches when she forgets to eat."

Naeva began filling her plate with food. Even her loyal Guardsmen were regarding her with varying degrees of stoic reproach. The only one who had displayed little to no reaction was Girald. He was watching her coolly, large dark eyes glimmering with thought. _No doubt he is trying to figure out how he can spin a headache to his flaming advantage._

"You really are okay now?" Alluka asked lightly.

Naeva paused in the motion of reaching for the gold ladle to scoop gravy. "I am okay, I promise." She directed a warm smile at her best friend.

"Good." Alluka nodded and returned the expression, then busied herself choosing from the banquet of food spread before them.

"El'Naeva," Girald laced his voice with measured sweetness that had her stifling the urge to glare at him, "might you wish to go riding with me after breakfast? Perhaps we could wrap some muffins and take them along for a picnic snack. We used to do that when we were little, do you remember?" He laughed, such a pleasant and charming sound. "We are not so little anymore, but I thought you may still enjoy it as you did then. It would please me greatly to give you reason to smile."

 _I would wager that skill worked for him on every Lady he has honed it on._ "My apologies, but I must decline." Naeva kept her tone gracious. "My friends and I shall be joining Thom in his Music Room after breakfast."

"I should love to accompany you in that," Girald countered. "It has been much too long since I have heard Master Merrilin play. We can go riding together another time... perhaps an evening ride, later tonight."

 _Burn me! I made that too easy. It is not as if I can deny him such a small request._ "Very well, my Lord. As for tonight, I do expect that I shall be far too busy to afford time for any idle indulgence. You will understand, of course."

"Of course. As I am sure you will understand when I try again tomorrow." Girald gave a slow, flirtatious smile. "Might I hope to hear you favor us with a song as well, El'Naeva?"

Gon – bless his infuriating innocence – turned to her excitedly after swallowing a mouthful of sweet oats. "That would be great! I'd love to hear you play more songs from this w- from your childhood." He grinned.

 _Gon, my dear Gon, you have doomed me._ Regardless, Naeva could not help but smile for her friend's enthusiasm. "Perhaps just one song." Relenting made heat rise to her cheeks. _Thom will surely suggest his harp. What is the quickest ballad I know? Rose of the Morning? No, it is much too romantic. I ought pick something with some bite to it._

Killua was studying Girald like he was trying to figure out an unpleasant mystery. His attention was noticed, and Girald turned to him with an appraising spark in his eyes. "Lord Killua, have we met before? I do apologize if I have forgotten."

Killua's brows lowered – just a fraction. "We haven't met."

"I must admit that I find your accent entirely unfamiliar, and I am quite a well-traveled man. Where do you hail from?" Girald inquired.

Naeva spoke up to spin the story they were using. Moiraine had helped them develop it. "Lord Killua and his sister Lady Alluka are from Padokea. Lord Gon hails from Whale Island. Both regions are in the affluent lands beyond even Shara. I have been studying there these past years, and we became fast friends." Technically, none of that was untrue. She had done plenty of studying in the Mirror World, which was nothing if not an affluent land far beyond Shara. _Ha, take that! Maybe I should embellish a little. Girald is a fool for ancient aristocracy._ "The regions are quite shrouded in secrecy, so you would do well to resist the urge to ask more. The Supreme Emperor was reluctant as it was to allow Heirs of such high nobility to journey west with me."

Girald slid another appraising glance at Killua. "I shall certainly heed your advice. Sharans themselves are notorious for guarding their secrets. I cannot imagine how much more severe the lands beyond them might be." His handsome face was a mask of wide-eyed courtesy.

Killua fixed him with an flat look. "No, you can't possibly imagine." She could have kissed him on the cheek again for doing such a good job at adding credence to her rambling.

Girald's hauteur slipped, but he gathered himself back together quickly and returned his focus to her. "You have evidently had a wealth of experiences in the time it has been since I last saw you, El'Naeva." His eyes flickered to the _ki'sain_ on her brow and brightened again. "I suppose that is not so surprising. You have always been adventurous. When there is opportunity, it would be enjoyable to share tales from the past years with one another." His lashes fluttered, lips curving sinuously.

 _By the Light, must he be so incorrigible? I only want to eat breakfast._ Naeva maintained her blank expression. "Mayhap, Lord Girald. I regret that I can make you no promises. Duty keeps my time well occupied."

"Yes, I would expect so." Girald bobbed his head in easy acceptance. "There is the ball tonight to ready for, after all. While I do hope to find a private moment or two with you, I would not wish to impose upon your preparations. I confess that I find myself stunned by the beauty you have grown into and quite eager to see what you will be wearing this evening."

 _Bloody burn it all!_ It took magnanimous effort not to give in to her temper and the dozens of insults on the tip of her tongue. She really wanted to snap at him! In her peripheral vision, she saw Killua roll his eyes. Gon was splitting his attention idly between the conversation and his plate of food, as if this was all some strange mealtime entertainment to him. Alluka had her hand raised halfway to her mouth with a forkful of braised lamb, but she was eyeing Girald with mistrust. Abruptly, Naeva wanted to laugh. Whether intentionally or not, each of her friends was very believable in the role of mysterious outlander aristocrat.

Naeva inclined her head, for the sake of his comment just sidling its way into the compliment category. Girald and his kin were capable of making trouble for her brother if she did not treat him with the best of her social graces. _I cannot go five minutes without being reminded of another reason I am glad that this is my life no longer._ "Thank you, my Lord." Oh, the words came out sounding every bit as strained as they felt, but at least they were the right words.

" _Mindena,_ you can forgive Lord Girald his attempted advances." Mat spoke up, saving her from having to embarrass herself further. "You must remember that, in Mayene, such forwardness is not considered as _rude_ as it is here."

Killua snorted with laughter and covered the moment by taking a quick bite of his apple muffin.

Girald rather balked at being called forward. "Mayene is a _progressive_ land." He almost frowned at Mat, but contorted the expression into a smile instead. There was no way he could feel confident about any sort of conflict with the Prince of the Ravens. "I shall try harder to mind Malkieri custom."

"Bloody right you will." Mat's eye glinted with warning and Girald could only nod his head.

Naeva focused on eating for a while, paying little mind to the small snippets of conversation that went on around the table. She really had been hungry, and only more so after the Healing. The bitter Malkieri breakfast tea was particularly nostalgic and soothing on her grated nerves. She had almost finished her plate when the door to the room opened and Thom sauntered in.

"Well, I see you _are_ all still here. I'd expected breakfast would be done with and that I would find you waiting on me in the Music Room," Thom mused, knuckling a long moustache.

Naeva glanced around the table to see that everyone else _was_ finished. She tore one last crust to swirl in gravy. "My apologies, Thom. It seems I have developed a habit of delaying things." She ate her final bite rather sulkily.

Thom laughed, and his sonorous voice was rich with mirth. "Well, perhaps I myself was overeager. It has been too long since I was able to enjoy your musical talent, my dear."

 _Ah, there he goes. Hopefully my skill has not decayed or he will snatch his harp away before I can bungle with it._ Naeva pushed back from the table and stood. "I do hope you intend to show off your own skill, Thom. My friends should get to appreciate a telling of The Last Battle by the masterful Bard who composed it." She grinned up at him when his chest swelled with pride. "Mayhap you will even juggle for us. Do you still have your Gleeman's cloak?" Thom's blue eyes twinkled as he nodded. Thinking of Girald and keeping him well at bay, she turned to Killua and set her fingertips lightly to his wrist. "Might you escort me as we adjourn to the Music Room, Lord Killua?" For flourish, she added a slow flutter of her lashes and a well sweetened smile. _Please say yes, woolhead! If you do not then Girald will volunteer._

Killua stared at her, absolutely appalled. He averted his eyes as he stood up, but she was relieved to hear him mumble acquiescence.


	14. To Sway and Be Unswayed

Killua had heard Naeva use the term enrapturing to describe Thom's ability to tell stories through his music, and he had scoffed. Now, as the last notes from the harp trickled to silence, he actually shivered. It _had_ been enrapturing. It'd also been invigorating, inspiring, sorrowful, and triumphant – in all of the right places. _The Last Battle... A war that swept up the entire world to fight against those who wanted to watch it all burn._ Killua patted a hand on his sister's shoulder. She'd been moved to tears and was wiping them away with her handkerchief.

Gon had been on the edge of his seat the entire time, and had even cried out or cheered at particularly thrilling moments. Now, he sagged back into his chair and stared at Thom in wonderment. Abrim's expression was more stoic, but only just. His father, beside him, scrubbed a tear from below his single eye with the cuff of his coat. Mat had been a part of the tale, commanding the armies of the Light as their Head General – he was apparently a shrewd military strategist in addition to being a swaggering rogue with a penchant for drinking and cursing. Even as Killua was trying to reconcile that in his mind, Mat knocked back his mug of ale for a long swig.

Naeva's look was soft and appreciative. Her parents had also been in the song as pivotal players in that epic battle to save the world. She hadn't cried at all, but then she'd probably heard the tale a thousand times before. Girald had sat as transfixed as the rest of them, but now his attention slid thoughtfully to Naeva.

Thom bowed and they all applauded him. He then crooked a finger at Naeva. "Come now, Naeva. I should very much like to sit my old bones and listen to you have a turn." He stepped down from the low stage. "I have faith that your fingers are as nimble as I remember. You're only one I ever trusted to play my harp."

Naeva's lips trembled into what he had come to think of as her signature pout. "Thom, you really cannot expect me to follow _that._ "

"Well, now. The Last Battle was your suggestion." Thom chuckled. "I will not deny that it is a powerful epic, but that only makes it an even better time to lighten our hearts with your sweet voice. No excuses now, my dear. I have a vested interest in whether or not my tutoring of you has gone to waste." Her face turned scarlet – Killua would've snickered, but she was having a rough day.

"I remember well how talented you are, El'Naeva." Girald leaned closer to her chair and patted a hand over her knee. "Please, will you not allow me to hear how your talent has matured?"

Killua very deliberately did not scowl like he wanted to. _Does he have to insinuate so much every time he opens his mouth? I could at least respect his persistence if he weren't being so damn gross about it._

Naeva stood up hurriedly, and Killua would've bet it was mostly to put some distance between her and Girald. Moiraine had made the remark that there was history there, and the more he watched them interact the more he was certain that history was barbed. He was both impressed and troubled by how well Naeva was able to maintain her cool, that being the case. _She isn't allowed to be herself here. This world is insane. It makes people insane._

"One song," Naeva insisted. Lifting her chin in a show of stubborn pride, she took the harp as it was handed to her.

Thom wore a proud smile. "I do believe you have only gotten more willful in your time away."

Naeva held the harp cradled in the crook of her arm and stepped up onto the raised stage. Once seated on the high stool, she seemed hesitant.

Thom dropped into her vacated chair. "What single song are we fortunate enough to hear, Naeva?" He put a hand to his chin. "If you are taking requests-"

"I shall play a song that Uncle Mat taught me," Naeva said briskly. "The Color of Trust."

Thom's snowy eyebrows lifted with surprise. Mat blanched and opened his mouth, but before he could say anything Naeva trailed her fingers along the fine strings of the harp. It was only an experimental motion, but they all focused on her nonetheless. She didn't look up. After a few cautious plucks, she flexed her fingers and then began.

It was a stirring tune, to pull the listener in. Her hands were dexterous, touching only lightly over the harp even as the music swelled insistently. Naeva began to sing.

_Give me your trust, said the Aes Sedai._   
_On my shoulders I support the sky._   
_Trust me to know and to do what is best,_   
_And I will take care of the rest._

_But trust is the color of a dark seed growing._   
_Trust is the color of a heart's blood flowing._   
_Trust is the color of a fading breath._   
_Trust is the color of death._

As the verse swerved darkly, so did the music. It was not a summons, as it had first seemed, but a warning. The lyrics rang out like a plea, rife with regret.

_Give me your trust, said the Queen on her throne,_   
_For I must bear the burden all alone._   
_Trust me to lead and to judge and to rule,_   
_There is honor in being my tool._   
_But trust is the sound of the grave dog's bark._   
_Trust is the sound of betrayal in the dark._   
_Trust is the sound of a rattling breath._   
_Trust is the sound of death._

_Give me your trust, said the love of your life,_   
_Together we two can endure any strife._   
_Speak me your vows and forever be true,_   
_Give me your trust as I give mine to you._   
_But trust is the taste of a bittersweet bliss._   
_Trust is the taste of a heartbroken kiss._   
_Trust is the taste of a coppery breath._   
_Trust is the taste of death._

The song was grim, even cynical. The notes from the harp slowed, softened, and then there was quiet.

Naeva stood and rushed down from the low stage before anyone had mustered a response. She didn't bother with a swaggering bow like Thom had, but her eyes did linger lovingly on the harp as she returned it to him.

"Clearly you have not spent the past years in idleness, my dear." Thom's regal voice was a low hush. "Although, your choice of tune was particularly somber."

"About _that_ ," Mat said, "maybe don't mention to Al'Deval or Moiraine that I taught her that one."

"It was so sad," Gon remarked, eyes a little watery.

Alluka's tears had spilled over again. She nodded agreement as she dried her face.

Naeva offered her uncle a wry smile. "You need not fear that I would be fool enough to recreate that in front of any imprudent audience."

"That would be for the best," Mat said. "Those whose livelihoods depend upon unquestionable loyalty tend to take affront with the lyrics."

Girald was staring at the floor, looking occupied by his own reflections. He didn't seem as arrogant as he had before the song, nor prepared to offer any more of his incessant flattery. _She must've gotten some message through to him with that. Interesting._

Abrim was staring at Naeva with an oddly apprehensive look, but Killua didn't get long to puzzle over it.

The door to the Music Room opened to admit Moiraine. She scanned over the lot of them before settling her gaze on Girald. "My Lord, your kin has arrived from Mayene and the First has requested your presence."

Girald stood and bowed to her. "Thank you, Moiraine-Sedai." He spun back around with an even deeper bow. "And I thank you for the fine music El'Naeva, Master Merrilin." It seemed he was finally going to leave then, but he paused in the doorway to glance back. "El'Naeva, I must apologize again for any offense caused by my earlier behavior." He sounded genuinely repentant, until he added, "Tonight at the Ball, I hope that I shall still have the pleasure of sharing a dance or two with you."

Blank-faced, Naeva dipped a curtsy. "I expect we shall have that opportunity, my Lord."

Girald vanished from sight and his footsteps faded along the corridor outside. After watching him go, Moiraine turned her attention to Thom. "I had hoped that I would not miss your performance, but I was kept busy with the onset of guests." She bent to give the wizened old man a kiss. _Whoa. Moiraine is his wife? He's gotta be like thirty or forty years older than she is! I guess... women must fall for musicians in any world._

Thom wrapped his hand around hers. "You know I will play for you anytime you wish it."

Moiarine stared adoringly into his eyes for a _way_ too extended moment before looking to Naeva. "The King and Queen of Saldea have arrived. I have requested that they join us here in the Music Room, but they do not yet know why. They were already mid-journey when the Amyrlin sent her missives."

Mat grinned widely. "Perrin is here already? Blood and _ashes_ , it's been a long time!"

Naeva seemed anxious. "They are on their way right now?"

"I expect them any moment." Moiraine served her a stern look. "Would you rather stumble upon them in the halls, or have them hear word of you from some other source?"

"No," Naeva muttered. There was a sulky twist to her lips. He could hear footsteps approaching in the hall outside; two pairs of footsteps, one considerably heavier than the other.

Alluka shifted in her seat. "But wait, shouldn't we- are we supposed to kneel? A King and a Queen?"

Naeva spared her a soothing smile. "Perrin and Faile would not expect such, you will be quite fine where you are."

The footsteps were louder now, and snippets of low conversation came into earshot.

"-at ease, if Thom is there. I'm telling you, it's going to be bad news." A man's gruff voice.

"I am not so certain." Those cautious words were from a woman.

Seconds later, a pair of figures appeared in the doorway. The woman took a few steps into the room before she spotted Naeva. She was pale with dark hair, tilted eyes, and a prominent but not too distracting nose.

The man – he was very broad, with muscled arms as thick as some trees – froze entirely in the doorway. He stared aghast at Naeva and his yellow eyes rounded by increments. "It cannot be."

"Oh, but it is!" Mat hopped theatrically to his feet. "I always told you we'd see her again."

"Naeva?" Perrin's question was hoarse.

She nodded her head, but said nothing.

The man hustled in and scooped her off of her feet to crush her against his chest in a hug. "Light shine on you," he whispered. Tears slid down his cheeks to soak into his gray streaked beard. When Naeva only responded with a small, breathless noise, he relaxed his grip and set her back down. "Where have you been all of this time? Light, just look at you! If your hair were braided-" He pulled in a sharp breath instead of finishing that sentence.

"I have been in a Mirror World," Naeva told him nervously, then wiped the hesitation from her features. "I am so grateful to see you, truly I am. It is a chance to say goodbye the right way, for I will be leaving this world again soon."

The dark haired woman – the Queen of Saldea, and she did at least look more regal than her lumberjacky husband – rushed forward to wrap Naeva in a gentler embrace than Perrin had. "Thank the Light! We all thought that you were dead."

"Because nobody bloody listens to _me,_ " Mat grumbled the complaint yet again, and the Queen swiveled her head to glare reproof at him. He pointedly ignored her, whistling a jaunty tune and fingering the lacy cuff of his coat.

Naeva pulled back from the embrace. "Aunt Faile, I owe you a humble apology. Because of me-" She faltered, but continued with more strength. "-so much happened, but not the least of which is that I put Perrin at great risk."

Faile turned her glare from Mat to Naeva without softening it in the slightest. She reached her hand out and yanked – not at all gently – on Naeva's earlobe. "I know you cannot mean to be so insulting, child! Do you think my husband fears any Forsaken? I would not have had him cower from a situation in which he was the most capable of rescuing you!"

Naeva lifted a hand to touch over her reddening earlobe. _Damn. I'd say it serves her right for doing the same to me more times than I can count, but... she's never yanked my ear that_ _hard. Not even close._

"I should have been able to-" Perrin bit down on his words. After that shaky start, he tried again, "I don't know how Moghedien evaded me. I was certain I could defeat her, and I'm sorry that I failed."

Mat scowled. "Moghedien took her to Sindhol and made some bargain with the Finn."

Perrin's expression darkened. "But we could have gone to-"

"It is alright, Uncle." Naeva dropped the hand that had been rubbing at her ear and placed it on Perrin's arm. "I was freed. I am alive and I am well. That is thanks to-" She turned to flourish a gesture toward Alluka, Gon, and himself. "-my friends. Alluka and Killua Zoldyck, and Gon Freecs."

"But you've been in a _Mirror_ World?" Perrin shouted incredulously. "And you're actually planning on going back there?"

"Yes," Naeva said. "This is not the world I belong to any longer."

Mat grimaced, but he had come to terms with that last night – not that he hadn't put up his own struggle. "Don't waste what time we have on arguing with her, Perrin. I did my flaming best." His gaze darted briefly over the foreigners in his world, but the look was kind. " _Mindena_ is happier around these friends of hers than I have ever seen her. If you take the chance to talk with them, you'll see for yourself that she's at least in good company."

Abrim spoke up for the first time in a long while. The notion that Naeva wouldn't be staying was news to him as much as it was Perrin and Faile. "El'Naeva, that's madness! You can't mean you'd really- you can't go back to a Mirror World! You have to stay here with us!"

Naeva shook her head. "Accept it or do not, Abe, but I will not be staying either way."

Abrim gaped at her. "Well, I won't accept it!" He surged to his feet and stalked from the room, rage in every hastened step.

Mat was plainly startled by the unexpected outburst. "I- I should go after him." He muttered a curse before giving chase after his son. There was some shouting and stomping from the corridor before the pursuit faded from hearing range. Killua kept himself calm and tapped his fingers on the arm of his chair. Naeva was staring with regret at the empty doorway.

Queen Faile straightened and smoothed down her skirt. "I apologize, El'Naeva, for calling you a child. It is too easy to forget that you are a woman grown, now." She smiled. "Fifteen years, not the scant eight as when last I saw you. I myself was only in my fourteenth year when I wed Perrin."

Perrin scoffed. "Those were the days before the Last Battle – the entire world was falling to pieces. We were both children still, and so is she!" He set his shoulders resolutely and studied Naeva. "I can see how certain you are. That much certainty only accompanies a very right or a very foolish choice. I don't know that your reasoning is solid enough to justify this decision."

"I can introduce you to my reasons," Naeva said. She turned and went to Alluka, sitting on the arm of her chair and taking up her hand. "Uncle Perrin, Alluka Zoldyck is my very best friend. She is more kind than I could ever successfully convey. Nobody before her ever even wanted to be my friend without having ulterior motives. Alluka sees me only for who I am, and she _likes_ me for who I am. I have never cherished anything like I do our friendship."

Alluka fidgeted with a bashful smile. While Faile looked on the sight fondly, Perrin watched the interaction between the two of them with obvious discontent.

Naeva returned Alluka's smile, spirits brighter than he'd seen since they had arrived in the Al'Cairi Palace. Her confidence was in full swing. She stood again and went behind Gon's chair to put her hands on his shoulders. "This is Gon Freecs. There is no one in this entire world who could match his honesty and his earnestness. He follows his heart in everything. Can you even imagine that? I have grown much by learning from his example."

Gon met Perrin's scrutiny with a grin. "I'm not sure I'm always worthy of that sort of compliment, but I do try."

Killua's lips twitched with a smile, but then Naeva was turning to him next. He gulped. She knelt beside his chair to curl her hands over his forearm. After giving him an intent look that seemed to last a long while, she beamed up at Perrin. "Killua Zoldyck helped to free me from Moghedien. He would do anything for a friend, without even one second of hesitation. Killua is brilliant, brave, and selfless."

His face heated and he knew without doubt he was blushing a humiliating pink. _That's a bit much._ To make matters worse, Alluka and Gon both nodded emphatic agreement with her. Faile directed a small, knowing smile at him. Perrin was staring at Naeva instead, no less upset than he'd been before. When he opened his mouth to argue, she cut him off before he could begin.

"Their world is my world too, now." Naeva went to her uncle and grabbed tight to one of his hands. "My friends would never give up on me, and I will not give them up. Do not doubt that I will miss you, Uncle Perrin. I always will, but this is a farewell."

Moiraine – she had seated herself on Thom's lap – had her gaze fastened on Perrin. "El'Naeva will not be dissuaded. She is renouncing her place in the Malkieri line of succession." Her voice was perfect calm. "The Wheel weaves as the Wheel wills, and it has seen fit to weave her into the Pattern of a new world."

Thom heaved a sigh that puffed out his white moustache. "The girl has changed. I'm sure you can see that even if you don't want to accept it." Wistfully, he added, "Were I a younger man, I might be tempted to join her new adventure. It has all the makings of a fine tale."

Perrin sharpened his gaze on Naeva. "You think I'm going to relent as they have? You are Princess of Malkier, El'Naeva Mandragoran! Your mother would expect better of you than to abandon your duties for some flight of fancy!"

"Is that truly what you think?" Naeva's words were pleading, choked with heartache. Tears brimmed in her eyes and she held them there. "All this time, I have been trying to believe that she would forgive me."

Killua's hands were tense again on the arms of his chair. It wasn't easy to listen to people wrench that reaction out of her. Mat had done much the same last night. Maybe it was a testament to Naeva's own ferocity that the both of them had resorted to hitting her with such a low blow, but that didn't make it any less cruel.

For a hefty moment it seemed Perrin might not answer her at all. He closed his eyes, exhaled, and his expression was softer when he opened them again. "You really are so much like her. Mulish and tempestuous, always sure that you're right." He frowned. "I shouldn't have shouted. I shouldn't have used her against you."

Naeva's expression lifted with a touch of hope. "And... will you accept that I am going to leave?"

Conflict played across Perrin's features before at last he gave a single, grudging nod. "Your life isn't mine to rule over."

Naeva wrapped her arms around him as best as his size would allow. "Thank you, Uncle."

Perrin returned her hug while his reflective gaze swept over everyone else. "Your friends must be as impressive as you claim, if Mat gave up the fight. I would have expected him to strap you unconscious to his saddle and ride away before I would that he might ever agree to let you go."

Killua shifted uncomfortably, remembering the way that argument had concluded. He'd resorted himself to matching Mat's temper after an hour of the man remaining profusely adamant against Naeva leaving this world behind. Nothing before that had worked. No amount of Naeva's calm assurances could chip away at Mat's determination, and then he'd made her cry. It was only when Killua had lost all patience and started shouting right back in his face that the man had backed down. The whole ordeal had been baffling. One moment Mat had been countering every argument lividly and the next he'd been laughing, red-faced. _His plan before then probably was_ _to tie Naeva to his saddle. I wouldn't have put it past him to try._

The next hour was spent tolerating what was essentially an interrogation. Moiraine and Thom left them alone in the room with the King and Queen of Saldea, and Perrin made sure to pry the most information he could out of the short span of time. Only five minutes in, Killua had the sudden flashing remembrance that _this_ uncle had some kind of telepathic connection with wolves. He spent the rest of the time amusing himself by ruminating as to how that might work – daydreaming, basically. The questioning and his daydreaming both stopped when Mat and Abrim returned, the latter looking chastened and offering meek repentance to Naeva. The rest of the conversation passed more pleasantly.

But then Moiraine came back to pierce the room with an icy glance. "Pardon my interruption, but perhaps you have all forgotten that there is a ball you ought be readying for? If you hurry, there may yet be time to have lunch beforehand."

Everyone – even Perrin and Faile – rather scampered to be about their business. Moiraine had a way of getting the exact results she wanted from people without ever needing to verbalize a command.

Lunch was a quick affair, but at least it was only Gon, Alluka, Naeva and himself in the cozy Blue Room as opposed to another extravagant feast like breakfast had been. He wasn't sure that his appetite could survive Naeva calling him 'Lord Killua' again. It was obvious that she was trying to put off the attention of Girald, but in the moment it'd been beyond awkward.

As if she'd read the direction of his thoughts, Naeva set down her empty teacup to offer him a rueful look. "I am sorry about this morning, Killua. It was foolish of me to be so caught off guard by Girald's presence. If I had given it any serious forethought, I could have found a better way of deflecting him."

Killua's fingers tensed around the handle of his cup. "I get it, kind of. Everything here is politics. I thought the White Tower was bad, but this has been something else." He downed the last of the rosy colored beverage – the tea was bitter, like the sourest apple imaginable, but nobody had looked at him funny when he dosed it liberally with honey. "Some of it was confusing and I don't even know if it's worth it to try to understand. Why was Girald so pleased about the blue dot on your forehead?"

Surprisingly, it was Alluka who spoke up to answer him. She looked delighted to have helpful information. "It's a Malkieri thing, called a _ki'sain._ Moiraine-Sedai explained it. For widows it's a white dot, married women wear red, and if you're unmarried you have to wear blue. Naeva really didn't want to paint it on, or she wanted to paint white, but Moiraine-Sedai insisted."

Naeva winced. "Yes, well... the _ki'sain_ is symbolic, as is the _hadori_ , the braided hair band which men wear. Painting or tying it on in the morning is a daily act to represent one's commitment to the ever-present battle that is Malkier versus the Shadow. I do not mind wearing it-" The elaboration was reluctant already, but there her eyebrows wilted and she frowned. "-but foreigners oft misinterpret the _ki'sain_. Girald is the fifth born in his family, and he will inherit next to nothing. He is playing his good looks, charisma, and family name to win himself a marriage that increases his political influence." Her voice took on a thin lacing of disdain as she finished, "Anyhow, Girald is not a problem, merely a nuisance."

Gon swallowed the bite of pastry he had been chewing. "I didn't understand any of what was going on." Killua picked up the final pastry to eat it himself, but immediately regretted doing so when Gon went on after he'd taken a large bite. "I really just thought you were flirting with Killua."

He choked on flaky dough, turned to his teacup for salvation, and then was confronted with the reality that he'd already finished the drink. His sister passed her own cup to him and he drained it in one shot. That made the second time today that he had nearly coughed himself to death. Dragging oxygen back into his lungs, Killua nodded thanks to Alluka before swiveling an accusatory glare at his best friend. _I swear he did that on purpose._ The fact that Gon didn't meet his eyes and only smiled vaguely in a different direction was confirmation enough.

Naeva was suppressing laughter, lips twitching. He had to avoid looking at her clear amusement or else risk blushing.

Alluka rubbed her hand across his back, nothing but concerned. "Are you okay, Onii-chan? It _was_ a pretty dry pastry."

Naeva and Gon lost it at the same time, dissolving into dual giggling fits. Ignoring that his cheeks were now thoroughly pink, Killua assured his sister that he was fine.

* * *

Alluka had forgotten the intimidating atmosphere of the Palace during the happy lunch. Outside of the Blue Room, guests were arriving and servants were hustling along to be sure everything was ready for the upcoming Ball – an event she was looking forward to with equal parts excitement and anxiety. Still, for the short interlude that it was just the four of them everything felt so wonderfully normal. Probably that was why it seemed like a bubble had burst when Moiraine glided into the room.

"That is as much time as I can give you all." Moiraine turned a critical gaze on Naeva, crossing her arms. "Especially as I have only just discovered that none of the gowns you brought are suitable for tonight. More than half of your dresses are divided for riding, and the remainder are as plain as what you have on now. What in the Light were you thinking, El'Naeva? You knew that this event was coming." Naeva cowed beneath her chastising words. "I will not have you appearing in anything so ill-befitting of your station as the spinster garb you bought for yourself."

Alluka felt a stab of embarrassment on behalf of her best friend. That hardly seemed a fair thing to scold somebody about. She looked doubtfully over the velvet dress Naeva was wearing. _Spinster garb? I thought all of Naeva's dresses were pretty._ They weren't as colorful or ornate as the ones that the Amyrlin had ordered made for Alluka, but Naeva had always favored simple styles.

Killua smirked, likely seeing the demeaning moment as retribution for the way Naeva had laughed at him moments ago.

Catching his expression with her astute brown eyes, Moiraine switched her attention to Killua and Gon. "You two are fortunate that I went through your wardrobe days ago. I have laid out what you are to wear on your beds upstairs."

"You _what?_ " Killua recoiled. "Wait – are you saying this shiny, lacy crap I've been wearing isn't formal enough?"

"Wow, this is like... a way bigger thing than I thought it was." Gon stared between Naeva's rich velvet dress and Killua's heavily embroidered coat, probably trying to evaluate just how far he could expect the finery of their new clothes to be escalated.

Moiraine displayed no reaction to either incredulous remark. "You ought go along to your room and redress, now. A Guardsman will escort you so that you do become distracted or lose your way." She spoke with only the slightest chill in her words, but Killua and Gon hopped to their feet and hastened from the room more quickly than they would have if she'd shouted. Moiraine watched the boys go with a touch of approval curving her lips. That smile vanished when she redirected her focus. "Up you get, we have much work to do on the both of you."

They rose from the couch at her command and Naeva held her hand as they followed Moiraine out of the Blue Room. It was a silent journey while they were led back to the bedroom they'd been sharing. Within, two of the Palace maids were pouring steaming water to fill a copper bathtub that hadn't been there when they left. Neither of the maids looked up, and as they finished they scurried away without ever having said a single word.

A tall steel rack had also been moved in. It held an assortment of gowns more fancy than any Alluka had seen yet. Naeva went to them and flipped through, peering at each one for no more than a second before moving on with a blank expression. "These are too pretentious for me, are they not?" She glanced over her shoulder at Moiraine. "I thought it best that I not draw attention to myself. This evening is about Al'Deval and the Lady Elysia _._ "

Moiraine gave a tiny shake of her head, lips pursed. "There is no way to avoid the tumult caused by your reappearance. As such, the King has decided to postpone formally introducing Lady Elysia until tomorrow night at the banquet." Naeva's eyes popped and she was poised to argue, but Moiraine went smoothly on before she could. "I shall give you one minute to select a gown of your own choosing before I take it upon myself to pick one in your stead."

Naeva whirled to search more urgently through the gowns, finally tugging one from the rack and handing it over to the older Aes Sedai. "This will do, I suppose."

Moiraine inclined her head in acceptance. "I will have it adjusted and then return. In the meanwhile, the two of you must bathe." She turned to smile at Alluka. "The gown I commissioned for you is laid out on the bed."

As Alluka spun to regard the new dress she'd been too distracted to notice before, Moiraine left. When the door closed, she heard Naeva vent some of her irritation in a very loud sniff.

Alluka ran her fingers admiringly over the dark green velvet. There were slashes in the puffed shoulders and down the long skirt that allowed pale, peachy-colored silk to peek through. Along the square neckline and the length of the sleeves was a maze pattern of silver embroidery speckled with small rubies. Set to the side was a wide satin ribbon, probably for tying as a sash around the waist. Atop the ribbon, a number of rings and a thick silver chain with a massive emerald pendant had been placed. There were even matching slippers.

"That will look very nice on you." At Naeva's soft words, Alluka spun back around with a guilty lump in her throat. "Do not let me ruin your excitement, Alluka-chan. It should be a... whimsical evening, I imagine."

Alluka shook her head. "You're not ruining anything. I just wish it was less of an obligation for you." She put on a smile. "Maybe you'll at least get some entertainment out of watching Onii-chan brood around." Undoubtedly there would be no one at the Ball more uncomfortable than her brother. Alluka felt bad for him, too, and resolved that she would do her best to be cheerful for the both of them. At least Gon's optimism was so far unshakable. _I bet he'll like my dress, too. Green is his favorite color. I wonder if Moiraine-Sedai knows_ _that? She seems to know everything._ Alluka smiled at her own thought.

The tub was more than big enough for the two of them, and so they shared the bath. Alluka shook some of the fine powder that served as shampoo into her hand from a porcelain dish and scrubbed it through her hair. Naeva called it powdered soaproot and it smelled decadently of lilacs, but it was _awfully_ drying. "I'm kind of... well, it's enlightening to experience first hand some of what your life was like when you were younger."

Naeva's cheeks flushed. "It is not quite the same. I used to have two Lady's maids. They would wake me in the morning, brush my hair, dress me, fetch hot tea every few hours... It is mortifying to look back on that." She started cleaning her own hair. "There would be Lady's maids here _now,_ had I not ordered otherwise."

Alluka matched her blush. "Okay, yeah, that might be too much." Her best friend laughed, then waved for her to swivel around so she could assist with washing the soaproot out. The gritty feel of it took a while to rinse away, and doing it by herself was enough to tire the muscles of her shoulders. "Did having the maids around all the time least give you some company?"

"They were not meant to serve as companions." Naeva helped her sit back up and then wrung the excess water from her hair. She rubbed some thin oil – also lilac scented – between her palms to work through and counteract the dry shampoo. "The two did not even speak to me more than to say 'At once, my Lady.'" They switched about so Alluka could finish up Naeva's hair. Her best friend was quiet, then abruptly cringed. "I do not mean to complain, Alluka-chan. Mayhap I did not have company as oft as I would have liked, but-"

"Uh-uh, don't even." Alluka frowned. She knew exactly where Naeva had been going with that. They'd been down this avenue before. "For someone who doesn't much appreciate sympathy, you give a lot of it out. Sure, my family is pretty terrible. That doesn't mean you aren't allowed to vent your own troubles." She sighed, taking her time with the oil process so Naeva's hair would soften nicely. "I'm always willing to listen."

Naeva turned back around with a thin smile. "I only want for you to be able to take some kind of enjoyment from the time that we must spend here. It should not be all about how miserably weird I am. When we are done in Seven Towers, I shall make sure that we go off someplace very nice."

Alluka added a little more rebuke, but gently, "Stop being so self-conscious. Absolutely no amount of weirdness is going to make me – or anyone else – doubt whether we should have come here. We're all happy you were Healed and we're in this together no matter what."

When they climbed out from the tub, Naeva dried them both with her power. Her best friend hurried into her elaborate underwear and tugged a long slip over herself before helping Alluka into the green gown. It buttoned up to fit her perfectly, with the satin sash tied into a wide bow at the back of the empire waistline. Naeva knelt to help her with the slippers – glittery silver and tipped with emeralds in the same square cut as the necklace. Alluka did a twirl in front of the standing mirror. The combination of polished marble floors and soft-soled slippers made her feel like she really was gliding everywhere. _Oh, I can't help it. This is just like being pulled into a fairy tale!_

Naeva offered a bright smile. "I think you ought stick close by your brother and Gon if you do not wish to be whisked about the dancefloor all night long."

Alluka prodded her best friend with her elbow. "You stick close, too."

"I will do my best." Naeva glanced into the mirror. "Actually, the comparison between us might spare me a good deal of notice."

Alluka fixed her with a pointed look, but then they were interrupted.

There was a polite knock on the door and a low voice called through, "My Lady, Lord Killua and Lord Gon are requesting permission to enter."

Naeva raised her voice. "Thank you, Rem. You may admit them."

The boys ambled in. Killua had a miserable glower on his face, fussing with the white lace that spilled from the cuffs of his coat to fall over his wrists. Matching lace wreathed around the high collar and draped to his shoulders. The ivory silk jacket was covered with a liberal amount of finely crosshatching golden embroidery. That embroidery was the most delicate work she'd ever seen. The coat hung open atop a blue silk shirt – laced crookedly – and was cut to just above his hips in the front, but tapered to a long coattail at the backs of his knees. His powder blue pants were tight and his white belt had a large gold buckle that was covered with sapphires. On his feet were white leather boots painted so thickly with gold over the pointed toes that Killua could probably see his own reflection looking down.

As brightly gleaming as her brother's clothes were, once Alluka's attention was on Gon she found it difficult to look away again. Gon wore a long brocade coat that matched the warm amber of his eyes. Only the lapels and sleeve cuffs were embroidered, with a very aesthetic pattern of scattered blue stars. In the center of each star was a sparkling diamond. The shirt beneath the coat was black satin and buttoned all the way up the front with little gold beads. His pants were the same dark blue of the thread on the lapels, and embroidered themselves just up the sides of his legs with yellow sunbursts. The leather boots and belt were black, his belt buckle just a thin border of gold around a ruby the size of her palm.

Alluka must have looked Gon up and down five times at least before turning pink when she noticed he was staring just as hard at her. She made herself stop ogling him and glanced back at her brother instead.

Killua ceased his fidgeting and clenched his hands at his sides. "This is just-" At last, he looked up. His complaint cut off as he darted a scrutinizing glance between the two of them. For Alluka, he smiled. "You look really pretty, Alluka." The contrast between that kind smile and the petulant glare he shot Naeva was enough that Alluka had to stifle a giggle. " _You_ aren't even ready at all!"

Naeva's chin rose haughtily. "I would be, if I were not forced to wait for a gown that I do not even want to wear. Besides-" She sauntered forward until they were nearly toe to toe. Despite that she was so small, Killua wilted slightly under her the weight of her critical look. "-you did not even make a proper job of dressing yourself, so you are hardly one to talk." Naeva tugged at the laces of his shirt to undo and then retie them, finally straightening the stiff, lacy collar of his coat. When she stepped back, she nodded approval. "That is better."

The door to the room opened again, this time without a knock for warning. It was only Moiraine returning, a folded bundle of silk in her arms topped with a pile of jewels and accessories. Her eyes were on her burden at first, but as she looked up at the four of them she halted. For the first time since meeting the woman, Alluka witnessed her display outright shock. Her jaw even dropped comically.

"What is it?" Gon was the first to break the tense moment. "Are you okay, Moiraine-Sedai?"

Moiraine did not so much as glance at him, but she shut her mouth and narrowed her eyes at Naeva. "What do you think you are doing?" Her melodic voice was low with warning.

Naeva shrugged. "I was speaking with my friends while I waited for you, Moiraine."

Moiraine dropped her bundle to the bedspread. She then put herself bodily in front of Naeva and whirled to skewer the boys with a sharp look. "You two should no-"

"Do not do this." Naeva stepped neatly to the side and huffed out an exasperated breath. "There is nothing to be offended about."

"What am I missing? Did I do something?" Gon was an image of confusion. Killua, who had taken a few steps away from Moiraine's glare, looked more suspicious.

Naeva was now the target of Moiraine's sharp look, but she held her ground. "Listen to me, this is a non-issue unless you make it into one. The Mirror World I have been living in is _different_." She turned an apologetic smile to Gon and provided the answer to his question. "I am being indecent at the moment by the standards Moiraine wishes me to uphold. Have you noticed that you have not seen so much as a woman's elbow or bare ankle since arriving in this world?"

Killua stepped back even further. "Is that what this is- I mean, seriously?"

Gon was visibly relieved. "Oh, I really thought it was something important."

Moiraine increased the severity of her glare on Naeva. "I was under the impression that I taught you better behavior. Have you been gallivanting about as such for the past three years?"

When that provoked Naeva's own temper, Alluka stepped between the two of them. "Moiraine-Sedai?" she started meekly, "I think we should all calm down just a little. Naeva hasn't been gallivanting, or anything like that. Back home, women can basically wear whatever they want. Really, Naeva dresses herself modestly." Her attempted explanation was too clumsy, but it was taken well.

Moiraine pursed her lips a moment, then recovered her poise. "Perhaps I am overreacting." She reached up with a small smile to tuck a portion of Alluka's hair behind her ear. "You are a sweet girl, Alluka, so very well-mannered." The compliment was probably meant to convey some hidden message, but Alluka chose to take it at face value and returned the smile. When Moiraine looked back to Killua and Gon, it was with a considering gleam in her eyes. "You have my apology for the incorrect assumption that you were not being gentlemen. I suppose the notion of a world where the sight of a woman's calf does not set men to panting is not so disagreeable."

Killua shook his head roughly. "I don't even know what to make of that. This place is a damn nuthouse."

At the shift in Moiraine's expression to slight frown, Naeva spoke up to change the subject. "The gown was finished, yes?"

"Of course," Moiraine murmured. "We must resume getting you ready." She surveyed Alluka. "If you would like, I can curl your hair and put it up. I even brought silver bells as the Arafellin wear. I thought you might enjoy that." When she nodded happily, Moiraine shifted to studying the boys again. "You two are looking fine, although..." She focused on Killua and pointed a slim finger in accusation. "Handsome you may be, even with that scowl on your face, but you might have at least brushed your hair."

"I did!" Killua raked a hand through his messy silver hair. "It looks great!" When Gon laughed at that, her brother shot him a glare. The two of them proceeded to squabble over one another as they so often did.

Naeva had already fetched up her gown. "You may as well finish preening the three of them, Moiraine." She went the door that led to her personal parlor and paused with her hand on the gold knob. "I intended to prepare on my own, regardless."

Alluka frowned and the boys cut off their argument.

"As you wish, El'Naeva." Moiraine replied before anyone else and then Naeva hastened into her parlor on her own. Alluka bit down on her lower lip, torn between going after her and letting her have the space she seemed to desire. Moiraine shook her head as if reading that indecision plainly. "She will need time to gather her nerve. There was nothing suitable for the occasion that was near enough to her measurements to be altered in time, save El'Nynaeve's old gowns. Had there been any other option, I would have taken it."

 _Oh. I've been so caught up in everything, and I didn't even... How is she expected to be okay with that?_ Alluka felt guilt stew queasily in her stomach.

Gon's eyes flashed with upset. "That's really messed up," he snapped. "Killua's right, this place is a damn nuthouse."

Killua didn't add his own comment, although she might have expected him to have a razor-edged quip at the ready. He didn't even look up from where he'd planted his gaze on the marble floor.

Moiraine looked between the three of them. "Brighten up, now. El'Naeva turns gloomy when she sees you three are upset. The best we can do for her is to ensure that tonight's ball is a success."


	15. An Intoxicating Dance

Killua held his sister's hand and tried to stand as upright as possible. They and Gon were assembled outside the entrance to the Ballroom with Thom waiting to make their introduction. He'd been anticipating this grimly ever since Moiraine informed them it was on the agenda, but now there was the added pressure of knowing how any mistake would reflect negatively on Naeva. She hadn't even come back out of her parlor after walking in with her mother's gown. Moiraine had refused Alluka when she asked to go in and check on her, then ushered the three of them out and handed them over to her husband's caretaking as if they were troublesome children.

Thom clapped him on the back. "You're looking awfully pale, there."

"I'm fine." _This is a pain, but Gon's been right all along. It's just another mission – getting Naeva the hell out of this place without leaving bad blood behind. I wish it didn't mean gritting my teeth and tolerating all of this pointless crap, but it does._

Thom tugged his moustache between two gnarled knuckles. "If you'll take my recommendation, you ought speak as little as possible – all of you. The less you say, the more powerful those fool nobles are going to assume you are. In the absence of real information, the tales they create will be entertaining, to say the least."

Gon beamed a grateful smile at the old man. "Thanks, Thom."

Alluka only nodded. She kept darting anxious glances behind them – likely hoping that Naeva would appear any second before they were forced to walk through those doors without her. Killua squeezed her hand with offered comfort and she mustered a smile.

Thom rested his grip on the dual handles of the huge doors. "Now, then. If you find yourselves feeling cornered, do not hesitate to seek me out. I'm rather skilled at the art of distraction, and I've taken a liking to you three." He winked, then pushed the doors open and strode inside.

As per Thom's instructions, they waited for him to announce them before following. His voice was fantastically regal with their introduction – enough so that Killua cringed. The old man then worked his way toward the high stage at the far end, where a quintet of musicians were already filling the room with spirited music. Undoubtedly the Royal Bard would be eager to ensure that they played to his standards.

The Ballroom was a cavernous space, with an arched ceiling that must've been twenty meters high at its lowest point. Everything within was gilded gold and the walls were etched with reliefs showing wild battles against monstrous creatures that were probably right out of the history pages of this world. Long, satin-draped tables were arranged against one of the walls and covered with an assortment of beverages and appetizers. Nobody approached the tables except for the servants, who would select a few items for their gold trays and then carry them throughout the mingling crowd of flashily dressed guests. Killua was tempted to make a beeline for that buffet-like spread and linger with Gon and Alluka there, where they might not be bothered, but it was all too likely that would've been regarded as improper behavior. He could hear Moiraine's voice in his head telling him off for the very notion.

Killua was relieved from the burden of deciding where to go first – and equally irritated – when Girald-whatever-the-rest-of-his-name-was sauntered over to them. He had an indulgent smile on his face and he cut an elaborate bow, swishing aside the short red cape that dangled from his shoulders. "A fine pleasure to see you all have joined us this evening – fashionably late." His dark eyebrows lifted as he looked over each of them in turn. "Fashionable in general. And yet, I had expected El'Naeva would be making her entrance with you. Else I would have asked for the honor of escorting her myself."

"She didn't want anyone escorting her at all," Alluka said dryly. Killua barely repressed a snort of laughter.

Girald was undeterred, and the smile he directed at Alluka was probably supposed to be charming. "I suppose this way her reveal will be more grandiose." His measuring look flicked almost imperceptibly to the emerald suspended on Alluka's chest. "You yourself are a vision of loveliness this evening, my Lady."

A muscle beneath Killua's eye twitched and he opened his mouth to say something biting, but Gon beat him to it. "I guess you aren't used to seeing people prettier than yourself, huh?" He said it so innocently that it was all the more hilarious. Killua didn't even try to restrain his snicker this time.

"I hear oft enough that I am pretty, Lord Gon." Girald fingered the red lace lining his collar. That was particularly aggravating – Girald made the motion look suave and nothing at all like the nervous fidget that Killua kept succumbing to. "Nevertheless, I do thank you for the compliment."

A woman wandered up to them, then. He judged her to be just short of middle aged, but that was only a quick estimation. It wasn't easy to keep his eyes on her face given the deep cut of her dress. Was it really the lack of seeing ordinary things like elbows and ankles to suddenly make a woman's chest draw his gaze like that? This world had so many problems. The woman spared Girald a wearied looking glance and then curtsied. Atop her head was a gold tiara with the shape of a predatory bird spreading its wings in the center of her brow. "Son, perhaps you might provide me the courtesy of an introduction?"

Girald hurried to do as she'd asked, gesturing to them one at a time. "Mother, this is the Lord Killua Zoldyck, his sister Lady Alluka Zoldyck, and Lord Gon Freecs. They are dear friends of El'Naeva from the lands beyond Shara." The woman arched an eyebrow and Girald made his voice even more insufferably formal. "My Lords, my Lady, you are in the presence of the First of Mayene, the High Lady Berelain sur Paendrag Paeron."

Killua offered her a moderate bow. Gon followed suit and Alluka bobbed a curtsy.

Berelain smiled – more than a touch of sultriness to the expression. "Well, well, well. I was not expecting to find myself in the company of guests from lands so foreign tonight. I do hope that you are all enjoying the hospitality of Malkier, and should you wish it I would happily extend you welcome in Mayene."

Killua hesitated, trying to quell the nervousness that it would be easy to offend this woman without realizing. "Thank you, my Lady." _Should I have said 'my High Lady'? No, I'm not saying that. That sounds ridiculous._

It must have suited well enough, for Berelain's smile widened. "Might I request a dance with you, Lord Killua?"

He wanted nothing less than to leave his sister anywhere near Girald without being around himself, but the extended offer felt like a threat dangling over his head. "Of course, my Lady." Killua turned to Gon with a thin smile and his best friend blinked, then finally picked up on the cue.

"Hey Alluka, maybe you and me can have this dance?" Gon grinned. Alluka beamed at him and the two started off, neither appearing to take notice of the brief downturn to Girald's expression.

Killua was aware that Berelain was still watching him expectantly. With care not to grimace, he put his hand over hers where it was curled around his arm. She batted her dark lashes at him and they stepped further out onto the dance floor. _We're in so far over our heads here, Naeva! Where_ are _you?_ He held the older woman the way Naeva had taught him and they started spinning together to the music.

"Are you and El'Naeva truly so close as my son claims, Lord Killua?" Berelain asked casually.

He kept count of his own steps as he answered her. "We're good friends, my Lady."

"I am glad to hear that. When last I saw her – only a tiny child then, and Girald hardly any older-" She paused, lips twisting into a sad little frown. "-I had never seen a girl so small trying so hard to be an adult. It seemed to make her quite lonesome."

Killua stepped forward and lifted their linked hands, nearly breathing a sigh of relief when she twirled about and they fell back into step correctly. "Lord Girald makes it sound like the two of them were friends back then." He tried to speak the inquiry carefully. "Weren't they?"

Berelain laughed, which really tested the tight satin of her dress. "He _would_ make it sound so, Light help him. The more accurate truth of it is that El'Naeva attempted to befriend him and- well, there was an incident. He had poor manners as a child." She dropped her voice to a hush, as if divulging a secret. "Al'Lan was never able to forgive Girald. My son nearly ruined two decades worth of fostered allegiance with Malkier." Berelain hummed thoughtfully, then lightened her tone. "I know that he is repentant about it, now. He wishes so to earn El'Naeva's favor again."

Another twirl, and as they came back together she seemed to move in closer to him. Killua almost said aloud that he wasn't too impressed with Girald's manners as they were. _Yeah, probably best not to insult him in front of his mother._ "I don't think Naeva is harboring a grudge." That was kind of true. He was pretty sure she didn't care enough about Girald to harbor a grudge, but lately she was harder than ever to read.

Berelain looked pleased to hear his reassurance, halfhearted as it was. The gold chains laced in her hair glittered as they caught the firelight from sconces high on the walls. "Perhaps there is still hope for the two of them, if only they could find time together to make amends for the past."

Killua had the distinct feeling he was supposed to respond to the subtext from those words, but it was hard enough work maintaining his composure when she pressed herself infinitesimally closer to him every other step. Heeding Thom's advice, he chose not to reply at all.

By the glinting in her eyes, Berelain did read something from his silence. "Both Girald and El'Naeva have exalted legacy to their names and heritage. I do wish I knew more about your homeland, Lord Killua. If it is not untoward to ask, do you yourself come from a long line of aristocracy?"

Killua wanted badly to scowl, but he held it in. "You could say that." _The Zoldycks have all the ego of aristocrats, anyway – terrifying, murderous aristocrats. And... they do own an entire mountain guarded by a high wall. Stupidly wealthy, too. The Manor isn't even much smaller than- oh, no._ Am _I a damn aristocrat?_

"Pardon me."

There was a tapping touch on his shoulder and Killua stopped, taking a quick step away from the First of Mayene. When he turned his head, it was to see a tall man with a matching gold tiara atop his brunette curls. He looked disgustingly like a future vision of Girald. "I had wondered what drew the attention of my Lady wife so quickly that I did not even see her wander off."

With effort, Killua managed not to start fidgeting beneath the man's scrutiny. His stomach lurched with the impractical sensation that he might be in trouble somehow.

Berelain laughed. "I was curious to meet the friends that El'Naeva has brought home with her. This is the Lord Killua Zoldyck." She turned her focus back on him. "Allow me to introduce to you my Royal Consort, the Lord Galadedrid Damodred."

"I prefer Galad." The man put one hand on the bejewled hilt of the ceremonial sword at his hip and bent a fluid bow. "My youngest son has given me quite the favorable impression of you already. I am glad we have this chance for a proper introduction."

"It's an honor, Lord Galad." Killua bowed and did his best to make it graceful. _I don't think he's lying, but something's off. There's no way Girald spoke well of- or, does he mean that he took his son's complaints and formed a favorable impression from them on his own?_

When Killua straightened up again, Berelain patted her palm lightly on his cheek. Her touch lingered like a caress, and her voice became a throaty purr. "Thank you for the pleasurable dance, Lord Killua."

That had him burning with awkwardness, but then Berelain stepped away and into the arms of her husband. They stared at one another and whirled off without bothering to speak another word to him. _Fine by me._ Killua swept his gaze around the ballroom, searching for his sister and Gon. When he spotted them dancing together and not being harassed any longer by Girald – or anyone else – he relaxed. It was at that point that he caught sight of another strange woman cutting a path toward him across the ballroom floor. Killua turned on his heel to get away from where he'd been standing. Hopefully she wouldn't risk embarrassing herself by speeding her step to catch him.

"It is my pleasure to present the arrival of our most honored dignitary this evening."

Killua looked toward Moiraine's amplified voice. He hadn't seen her since she'd finished slicking back his hair and then all but hustled them out of Naeva's room.

The Aes Sedai was wearing a finer dress than her usual, deep blue velvet sparkling with tiny diamonds across the bodice. She stood just beside the entry to the ballroom. "Aes Sedai of the White Ajah of the White Tower of Tar Valon, Lady of the Seven Towers, Lady of the Lakes, _Dai'shan_ Malkier, Princess of Malkier, and Sister-Heir to the Throne, El'Naeva Mandragoran."

Everyone who had been dancing stopped to peer in the same direction he was. It was unsettling, but probably more so for Naeva as she stepped daintily through the doors under the focus of all of those judging stares. _Oh..._ Killua was suddenly grateful to be mixed in with the crowd. It wasn't like he was the only one goggling at her, and at least he had a few surreptitious moments with which to collect himself. He caught the movements of both Girald and Abrim making a beeline for Naeva, and in an unconscious instant he made the decision to rush to her first. Some of those nobles likely felt a gust of wind pass by them as he moved.

Naeva only smiled at his sudden appearance. Killua tried not to acknowledge the way his pulse sped. The gown she wore might have been tailored at the last minute, but it may as well have been made with her in mind. The thin silk was pale turquoise, clinging like it'd been painted on from her shoulders to her hips. Just beneath her collarbones the dress was studded with a line of dark sapphires, and from that point upward to her chin was only delicate, cream colored lace. A rope-like gold belt adorned with opals, emeralds, and even more sapphires was wrapped thrice around her waist. It emphasized both her slimness and gentle curves that he hadn't been previously aware of. In fact, Killua considered it profoundly uncomfortable just how aware he was of that _now_.

Keeping his eyes deliberately on her face was not much better. The warm color of her skin was more radiant than ever above all that pale silk and lace, her hair curled and flowing loosely down her back. Even worse was that Killua found he couldn't keep his gaze from repeatedly dropping to her flushed lips. They had curved into a smile so enticing that he wanted to- _What? Can't I get a hold of myself?_ He shoved the intrusive thought of kissing her aside and set his attention firmly on her eyes.

Naeva's smile slipped as her gaze faltered from his own, locking on something in the distance behind him. Intuition – and the tiny twitch in one of her eyebrows – told him it was probably Girald moving closer.

Killua took Naeva by the hand and started off in a different direction, not missing the buzz of murmuring that spread throughout the crowd. _Let them gossip, I don't care. Naeva wouldn't want to be bothered by that jerk Girald right off the bat._ Still, he felt a prickling unease that they were all making varied assumptions using that stupid – and dangerous – _daes dae'mar_. As he passed by one of the white-clad servants with a beverage tray he snagged up a gold rimmed crystal goblet and drank it down, barely tasting the amber liquid within. Oddly, the servant scampered to keep pace with them.

Naeva grabbed a drink for herself and downed it no less quickly than he had. Then, in a pointed gesture, she set the emptied goblet back on the servant's tray. When Killua took that as a hint to put down his own, the servant exhaled with relief and stopped following them around.

"I had to dance with Girald's mother," Killua grumbled under his breath once he'd reached a clear enough spot that there was nobody else in earshot.

"Lady Berelain?" Naeva's eyes widened. "I truly am sorry that I left you all alone down here for so long. Even after I was quite finished, Moiraine insisted on curling my hair and painting my lips."

 _That must be why I- never mind that._ Killua glanced furtively over his shoulder and was happy to observe that no one was trying to move in on them. "It was awful, but at least you're here now."

"Where are Gon and Alluka?" Naeva rose on tiptoe to search for them among the nobles.

"I don't know. They were dancing, last I saw." He had a way better vantage than her, and didn't have to search very long before he spotted Gon's spiky hair out among the crowd. Why Moiraine hadn't felt the need to groom his best friend's hair into submission like she had his was beyond him. When Killua pointed toward the two of them – still keeping each other happily segregated from everyone else by partnering to dance – Naeva dropped back to her heels.

"Thank the Light," she murmured, then subtly corrected her posture. "By the way," a teasing note entered her voice, "I would expect it was not _too_ awful dancing with Berelain." Her eyes sparkled, the quick turn of her face as she focused up at him making the opals dangling from her earlobes swing. "Unless she is somehow less beautiful now than I remember her being when I was younger."

Killua chuckled and felt himself loosen up. "She was more interested in prying information out of me than anything else. That kind of puts a damper on things."

"Ah, that is unfortunate. She must think you-" Naeva's words choked off and her eyes narrowed at something in the distance. "Do not look." She spoke hurriedly when he started to turn around. "It is only Berelain and Galad. They may plan to separate us individually, after Girald's first attempt at approaching was so neatly thwarted." Her expression brightened. "That was quite nice of you, by the way. I do not have the luxury of being able to decline any dance partners this evening."

"I figured." Killua ran a hand through his hair, mussing it back to wildness after all of Moiraine's careful ministrations. "Should we walk someplace else?"

Her eyebrows wilted, apologetic looking. "If you find it bearable, sharing a dance would be the best way to evade them."

 _Bearable?_ He wondered why it annoyed him that she used that word. Coupled with the reluctance in her eyes, he felt like she assumed he'd sneer at her or something. More fiercely than he should have, Killua tugged her to him with one hand on the small of her back and the other folded around her own. He couldn't really second guess himself at that stage, so he started the Malkieri pattern and steered them toward the center of the room where they might blend in a little better.

Naeva's expression softened with unspoken thanks and she smiled.

"Something that Berelain mentioned..." Killua started talking mostly to distract himself from the awkward temptation to hold her more closely. "I think she just wanted to see if it'd provoke a reaction from me." He snorted. "Anyway, did you and Girald have some kind of fight when you were kids?"

Naeva's cheeks tinged scarlet. "I- there was a small scuffle. I was only nine _._ " She pouted, and it was obvious she didn't plan on explaining any better than that.

After a spin, Killua tried again – he couldn't help but be curious. "So, what happened?"

"I liked him," Naeva muttered. "He was pretty, well-educated, he was not made uncomfortable by my station... and he seemed to like me. I had never felt that someone my own age actually liked me before, but it truly seemed that he did." Her voice had started to sound a little sad, and after a breath she went on more lightly, "I was mistaken. And I learned from the experience, so for that I am grateful."

Killua spun her about. "I'll bet it was Thom who taught you how to tell a story so well without revealing any details."

"Fine, but you had better not to think less of me." Naeva's pout became more sulky. "I... gave Girald flowers. When he mocked me for that, I reacted badly. I pushed him, with the Power, so he called me a coward and- oh, the short of it is that I wound up with a broken arm. My visit to Mayene ended early and we avoided one another mutually after that."

"He broke your arm?" Killua's hands tightened briefly, compulsively. _Over flowers? Wait, is that why she stopped and stared at the shop in Tar Valon? An unpleasant recollection, she said. Ugh, I really don't like that guy._

"After the coward remark I thought I should fight him fair, so I did not use the Power again." Naeva bristled, clearly mistaking what he'd meant as a condemnation of Girald's actions for a critique of her ability. "I know that it was stupid. I landed only one blow before he knocked me down to rub my face in the dirt. The broken arm was my own bloody fault for thinking I could struggle free of his grip. My Guardsmen pulled us apart, and the entire mess could not have been even a minute long."

Killua quelled the urge to look around for Girald in the crowd and executed the more complicated twirl to buy himself time to think. They stepped backward together, his hand wrapped around her waist. _So he's always been a conceited jerk. I get that they were just kids, but..._ "You should've strung him up in the air by his ankles." That came out more vehemently than he'd intended. There was no real reason to be so annoyed, but he was.

When they both spun around and ended facing each other again, Naeva wore a wry smile. "That is more or less what Papa said. It is one of the only occasions I can remember him reprimanding me. Uncle Mat, too, gave me a most colorful lecture on how there is no such thing as fair when you intend to win a fight."

Killua grinned. "I hope you took that lecture to heart. It's true." The music transitioned to a slower song and he heard Thom's rich voice begin to sing in the foreign language Naeva sometimes slipped into. Her smile quirked upward with appreciation.

Matching the tempo of the new tune, Killua realized after a few moments that he was holding her so that their bodies were pressed together. It didn't seem to be upsetting her, and even his own humiliation was peculiarly distant. He could feel the curve of her hip beneath his fingertips and the softness of her chest against him. _Last week she was only a little girl, wasn't she? Just a skinny little brat..._ She was looking up at him sweetly now, heedless of the way his heart wrenched with guilt. _I should let her go right now. Gon can dance with her to keep Girald at bay. She'd be furious if she knew I was thinking- I'm not thinking anything! Damn it!_ He pushed all of those frantic thoughts aside. Still, he made no move to stop dancing or to put more space between them.

"Are you feeling alright?" Naeva frowned. "You look as if you may be queasy."

Killua managed a small shake of his head. The lightness he tried to put into his voice only came out as a husky whisper. "I'm okay." _It's all this spinning getting to my head, that's all._ The situation he found himself in – dancing with Naeva in a Palace Ballroom while aristocrats all around pretended not to be watching them – was so surreal he was tempted to laugh. _Maybe I'm just caught up in the fantasy of it._ Thom's expressive music was also contributing to the problem. Even if he couldn't understand the words, there was a trembling romanticism to every sung note.

Naeva eyed him more dubiously. "I do not fancy being vomited on, so be sure to tell me if you need Healing."

Killua did laugh then, as much for the joke as for the absurd thought that struck him afterward. _If she could Heal away the strangeness I'm feeling, I'd ask her to in a heartbeat._ "I'm not going to throw up. Although, if I did _,_ at least it might get us both out of having to stick around for the whole evening."

"It might get you a free pass, but Moiraine would have me in a new dress in a matter of minutes if she had to bundle me into her own," Naeva remarked lowly.

"That would be a shame," Killua said. He wished he could have the words back when her eyes widened. "I just mean, well, you look nice in this one." At the clumsy elaboration he felt his skin heat, probably rekindling her suspicions that he was ill.

Unexpectedly, Naeva responded with a soft smile. There was a trace of sorrow in the expression, and she blinked rapidly as her eyes watered. It would've been far less painful if she'd only made another teasing comment. When the last notes of the song started to fade upon the air, Killua impulsively dipped her backward like they were characters in one of those cheesy movies that he hated. Ridiculous as he felt, the reward of hearing her giggle was well worth it. Their faces were scant inches apart and he was pretty sure that he was leaning in closer still. For a ponderous moment, Killua had no idea what he was going to do next.

There was the nearby sound of someone clearing their throat and Killua straightened so quickly that Naeva clung to him like she feared he might drop her. Truthfully, he might have.

"I'll be taking the next dance, m'boy." Mat spoke jauntily, but there was a gleam of cautionary warning in his dark eye to contradict that cheer his voice.

Killua released his grip on Naeva and stepped back, trying not to feel reluctant about it. _Have my hands been so clammy this entire time?_ He rubbed his palms across his coat to dry them. "Yup. I'd better go find Alluka, anyway."

Mat swept in to take his place. Naeva opened her mouth as if she wanted to say something and Killua hurried away before she could. He felt certain that if he stuck around any longer he'd lose the connection to his senses that her uncle's interruption had restored in him. Impossibly thirsty, he gulped down the contents of another three goblets from the tray of a passing servant. Several of the nobles watching him gawked. Killua didn't need to work at all to track down Gon and Alluka, as it happened – they found him right away.

"Aw, you actually looked like you were having fun at the end there." Gon grinned at him. "Girald ran off toward his mother when you did your little dip thing. It was hilarious."

Alluka wrapped her hands around his with a smile. "You're just the best, Onii-chan! I was worried when Naeva walked in looking so sad, but you cheered her up right away."

 _Did I?_ Killua returned his sister's smile. "Are you having a good time? Nobody's been giving you trouble, right?"

Alluka nodded. "No one bothered Gon and I at all. We sort of spent most of the time spying on you, but then so did everyone else."

"It was more like running interference," Gon said. "I had to bump into people like five times just so you two could finish your dance." He shook his head in bafflement and went on in a whisper, "It's weird, Killua. These people spend so much time scheming and speaking in riddles that they had no idea how to respond when I just obviously stepped into their way."

Alluka giggled. "You should have seen their faces!"

"I was surprised." Gon elbowed him in the ribs. "I kept thinking you'd look up and spot us, but you seemed awfully intent on what you were doing."

 _Were they really so nearby?_ His cheeks flushed at the thought of how he must've looked throughout the majority of that dance. "It was just- I was, ya know, focused on-" He was babbling.

"I get it." Alluka's smile was far too mischievous. "Naeva looks really pretty in her dress, right?"

Killua snatched up another passing drink and busied himself draining it, then replaced the emptied glass on the tray with a shudder. _Brandy, yuck._ "I didn't notice," he lied smoothly.


	16. The Web Already Spun

Naeva danced with Mat for three songs, Abrim for the next, then Galad and Perrin for two each. After that she made a determined effort to rejoin her friends. She had only caught brief glimpses of them after Killua had left.

As she wound her way about, groups of nobles appeared to block her at every turn. In the process of making polite conversation, she might have drank one too many goblets of the unexpectedly delicious Cairhienin brandy. Well, it was either her equilibrium growing questionable or the floor beneath her heaving. Given that nobody raised a ruckus about an earthquake, she decided it was most likely the former. There had been even more dances along the way with men whose names and faces she did not recognize from her past nor choose to let register in her memories now.

Someone's hand fell onto her shoulder. Naeva jumped and whirled, then giggled with relief when it was only Moiraine. "You almost spooked me."

Moiraine arched a brow. "A tiny bit tipsy, are we?"

"Ah, mayhap I am," Naeva admitted. "It is better than being on edge."

Moiraine offered a tiny nod. "Perhaps it is, on this particular occasion. Please do not drink any more _,_ however _._ I would not enjoy having need to scold you, El'Naeva."

She summoned a smile. "Yes, I do think I have had enough." More truthfully she had been thinking that just _one_ additional drink might be enough to help her forget the weight of all those stares upon her, but for Moiraine's sake she resolved to endure at her current level of inebriation. "Tell me, have you seen my friends about? They cannot be having an easy time of it dealing with all of this."

"They are doing quite well. Lord Killua has easily consumed a keg or more of alcohol, and yet I danced with him a moment ago to gauge his state and he is miraculously sober." Moiraine smiled, the light in her eyes very near to playful. "You did a fine job at teaching him to dance in the Malkieri fashion."

Naeva shook her head at the compliment. "I would not take too much credit for that. He is a better learner than I am a teacher." She hiccuped, and swiftly covered her mouth in horror at the tactlessness of it. _Blood and ashes! I really have had one drink too many._

Moiraine pressed her lips together in a thin line, then took her by the crook of the elbow and started leading her nonchalantly away. "Tipsy you may be, but I am still impressed by the care you have taken tonight. You even tolerated a dance with Lord Estoan and did not lose your patience when he droned on and on about the high levies on Saldean ice peppers."

 _Ah, yes._ Naeva remembered that particular dance, now. Lord Estoan had been a plump old man with a powdery feel to the skin of his hands. Not a difficult partner, for batting her lashes and bobbing her head periodically had sufficed to leave him delighted by her company. "A small amount of boredom is not enough to loose my temper over. If it were, I would not have made it half so far through this evening."

"Well you have made it, and I cannot overstate just how appreciative that makes me." Moiraine spoke with a trace of amusement. "Indeed, I think if you wish to leave at this-"

"El'Naeva?"

Her wrist was caught and Naeva halted, turning a half second after Moiraine to regard Girald.

He smiled his disarming best. "Might I request the honor of your next dance, my Lady?"

Naeva blinked at him, thoughts moving too sluggishly to find her a way out of saying yes. The look Moiraine gave her was encouraging. Naeva put on a smile. "I have time yet for one dance with you, Lord Girald." _I have stumbled through so many that one more – even with Girald – is hardly such a big deal._

Moiraine served Girald a flat stare. "This shall be her final dance for tonight, my Lord. El'Naeva has a busy day planned tomorrow and I do intend to see that she gets an adequate amount of rest." _Thank you, Moiraine! Thank you so much._

Girald bowed his head. "Of course, Moiraine-Sedai."

They settled into the proper position together. Naeva was forced to rely upon Girald's grace more than she would have liked to keep her feet from betraying her. _I really should have gotten this over with earlier. Bloody distractions and obligations everywhere._

"I am happy that I have this chance before you call an end to your evening," Girald said lowly. "I do not often find myself anxious about approaching a beautiful woman, but tonight..." He paused, the perfect pause to convey honesty and vulnerability. "Tonight, I did."

Naeva nearly made a disparaging remark, but held herself back. More troubling than that temptation to be rude was the deliberate warmth in his eyes as he stared down at her. He really was aggravatingly handsome. "Have you not had a number of beautiful partners tonight, Lord Girald?"

"A few. They may have found my company lacking, I fear, for I could not take my eyes off of another." His smile gentled, and he was silent awhile. "If I may speak without pretense, I did not plan on attending at all until I heard the rumor that you might be here. I know that I treated you poorly when we were younger, and I have wanted to apologize for a long time. I truly am sorry, El'Naeva." Girald's hand tightened around hers for a brief squeeze. "There were terrible rumors, when you disappeared... I feared for you. When Mother told me-"

"The past is done, my Lord." That came out too brusque and Naeva took a steady breath, smoothing the sharp edge from her voice before continuing. "We are not the foolhardy children we once were, and I bear no lingering resentment over our petty grievances."

"I was worse than petty." Girald sounded nothing if not sincere, and if the way her eyes widened at that offended him he gave no sign. "The way I behaved back then was inexcusable. I only hope you can believe me when I tell you that I regret every mistreatment I showed you in those days."

The tempo of the song quickened. If she had been reliant upon him before, she was little more than helpless to follow his lead now. Girald pulled her close against him – either noticing that and choosing to be helpful, or else trying for more of the artifice that was second nature to him.

Naeva made herself meet his gaze evenly. "Do not fret over it, for I am not." She hoped that sounded both dismissive and appropriately polite.

His brows drooped in a show of sorrow. "I did not realize until after your performance in the Music Room just how fortunate I would be to regain even a modicum of the regard you once held for me. Is it still possible that I can, El'Naeva?"

Naeva scrambled for a diplomatic response. "I would not say that it is impossible. If you wish my forgiveness, it is yours."

Girald's features lit with a radiant smile. "That is a good beginning."

"It is a beginning _and_ an end." Naeva injected some hard finality into the words, and he paled. "If you wish more from me than forgiveness, you will only waste your own energy attempting to earn it." _There. That ought be clear enough._

"I see." Girald recovered his composure admirably, aiming another calculated smile down at her. At the same time, his hand slipped from the small of her back to curl around her hip snugly. It was not enough to create a fuss over, so she said nothing. "Could it be that another already owns your heart?"

Her eyes narrowed before she could contain the vitriol that rose in her at those words. "No one owns _any_ piece of me."

Girald actually flinched for the harshness of that. After a period of stunned silence, he broke the moment by laughing. "By the Light! You are the most unparalleled woman I have ever tried to charm, and my most regrettable failure."

Naeva was mightily tempted to say something more scathing, but then he _had_ used the term 'failure'. _Perhaps I have gotten my message through, after all._

Girald lifted her with the arm slung about her waist to whirl them both around and her vision spun dizzily as he set her back down. It seemed he used her small stagger as an excuse to hold her flush against himself... or, had she already been? She was not sure about that, and the uncertainty bothered her. The feel of his body against hers made her horribly self-conscious. Girald lowered his voice to a whisper. "El'Naeva, I owe you the courtesy of admitting defeat. Please, do not glare at me so."

 _I am not glaring._ Naeva worked to soften her expression. "Thank you, my Lord. It is in your best interests to choose yourself a more enthusiastic subject for your affection."

Girald nodded amicably, and a good deal of the stress in the atmosphere between them evaporated at the gesture. "I certainly shall."

Naeva scrounged for something conciliatory to say. "You play the Great Game well. I have no doubts that you will secure yourself the position you desire."

"The position, yes." Girald's eyes warmed again. "I was quite confident that I would win you over in the same fell swoop, but I can easily enough feel your conviction to deny me. If I have learned nothing else from today, I have learned that my pride is not up to the task of courting someone who does not desire me in turn." Light, he really was speaking without pretense. "At least there is some comfort in knowing that anyone who does have perseverance enough to win you over will be deserving of the titles that go along."

 _Burn me, I cannot believe I ever liked him._ The song they danced to finished with a high, resonant note from a flute that took a long time to fade away. Girald released her and Naeva took such an eager step backward that she lost her balance. He reached out to stabilize her, but at the same time someone else wrapped a light touch around her shoulders.

"Are you ready to get out of here, Naeva?" The voice behind her was blessedly familiar and she turned around with a smile.

"Quite so, Killua." Naeva beamed with unbridled joy at him, and when Alluka and Gon appeared she encompassed them with the expression, as well. _I think I actually flaming did it! I made it through the Ball!_

Killua's gaze flickered above her head to stare past her at Girald, but only for a quick second. "Let's go."

Naeva caught a passing view of Girald's sullen frown as they hurried to leave the Ballroom. Killua kept one hand gently on her arm, even once they were out in the corridor and away from the lot of nobles. Naeva was miffed by that only until she came to the awkward awareness that she was wobbling every other step.

"Moiraine-Sedai tracked us down to mention that you might be a little liquored up and in need of rescue." Gon grinned widely at her. "I thought she was exaggerating, but nope."

A giggle bubbled from Alluka, though she was merciful enough to blush afterward. "We kept trying to work our way back to you, but there was always someone waiting to stop us for a pointless conversation."

"I was trying to find you, too," Naeva admitted. "With much the same result." Another embarrassing hiccup that she just could not contain.

Killua shot her a sidelong look. "I'm glad that it didn't turn into a brawl between you and Girald."

Naeva held her head high, trying to look suitably indignant, then had to look down again or else risk tripping over her own feet. "Very funny."

"I was being serious," Killua said softly. "For a second there, it looked like you were actually going to slap him."

"I am not so foolish as that. I do learn from my mistakes," Naeva said.

"But I think you really hurt his feelings," Alluka remarked, then raised her hands when Naeva darted her a surprised glance. "Obviously I'm on your side! It's just that he looked a little bit like a kicked puppy."

Naeva shook her head. "If I hurt anything, it was only his ego. Doubtless that will be inflated again soon enough." Yet another hiccup. "It is hard to judge myself accurately at the moment... did I truly look like I was going to strike him?" _Moiraine_ _will have reason to reprimand me if I spent that entire dance glowering._

"Kinda, yeah," Gon answered easily. "What did he say to make you so angry?"

"Ah, but it was his _unspoken_ implications that nearly set me off." Naeva brightened up. "Not that it flaming matters any longer. The issue has been resolved." _Victory is mine!_ Deliriously, she giggled at her own thought.

They started up the marble staircase toward the Eastern Wing of the Palace, where their rooms were located. Naeva had to concentrate on lifting her feet the appropriate amount so that she would not catch her toes on the next step and tumble face forward.

"Jeez, I can't believe you got yourself drunk," Killua complained. He spared her a swift, reproving glower.

Naeva stuck her lower lip out and frowned, then realized that was sulky and tried for a smile instead. "I am only-" She lifted a hand, pointer finger and thumb just a smidgen apart. "-a tiny bit tipsy." Echoing Moiraine's description, she laughed at herself. Alluka and Gon grinned, each looking positively entertained. Killua scowled.

As they stepped out into the corridor on the fifth level Naeva found herself staring up at him, observing appreciatively just how well that silk coat fit. It emphasized the musculature of his figure. Funny that she had not noticed that during their dance earlier, with his arm around her and- _Burn me, I am drunk!_ This time her hiccup transitioned into a hitching, awkward giggle. _I really ought care more that I am making such a fool of myself._ She did not care at all, however, and could not even summon the will to look away from him.

Killua swiped his free hand through his hair and narrowed his eyes at her, at least as concerned as he was attempting to be stern. Light, had he always been so good looking? Was it only the Malkieri fashion coat playing on her sentiments? Why in the Light had Moiraine chosen to dress him in the Mandragoran colors? Killua's gaze on hers gentled considerably, now just concerned. "You'd better eat something, to try to soak up some of that alcohol."

"I suggest you heed your friend's advice, my Lady." That staunch agreement came from behind them.

Naeva swiveled her head to fix her Royal Guardsmen with a sharp look that might have served if only she had not come close to falling at the same time. She did not know which one of them had dared to chide her so, but she was quite certain that she did not deserve it. None of them balked in the slightest.

Rem's expression actually hardened. "Find someone to bring up a platter from the kitchens, Caden." The young Guardsman he had addressed saluted smartly before hastening away.

Naeva turned her attention back to her own feet and tried not to pout. _They never bloody criticized me_ _before. I could have benefited from it back then, but I am hardly a child any longer._ When they arrived to her quarters and shuffled inside, the three remaining Guardsmen took up their usual stations outside the door.

Straight into the parlor they went, where Killua finally let her wobble about on her own. Naeva sank down into one of the plush velvet chairs. Her jewel studded belt jabbed into her. It took too long to fumble for the clasp so she could pull it off and drop it carelessly aside. Alluka sat on the arm of the chair and Naeva grinned at her. "Did you have fun, Alluka-chan?"

She nodded, blue eyes bright. "I did. Especially when Thom sang."

"He is the single greatest Bard in the whole bloody world." Naeva yanked out her heavy moondrop earrings and deposited them atop the belt on the rug. That was enough to restore at least some degree of comfort, although she wished hopelessly for the loose pajamas she had grown used to over the past years. _I miss Kurapika._ The sudden thought was a painful one. _I do not want to be here. Burn it all, I should be with him. What if he has been hurt, or worse?_

"Hey, are you okay?" Gon's worried voice brought her back to the present. He had knelt by her chair, and she realized numbly that the reason she was having trouble focusing on his eyes was that her own had watered. Naeva blinked furiously and her vision cleared. Killua was standing just behind Gon, watching her intently.

Naeva mustered a smile. "I am perfectly okay."

Gon nodded. Killua, however, rolled his eyes and gave her reply zero credence. "Yeah, right. You're all over the place."

She came awfully close to snapping at him, but then that would have only been confirmation of his critique. Instead she drew in a long, calming breath and exhaled her frustration away. Gon eased himself down to sit cross legged on the rug and lean back on his hands. Killua pulled his coat off and tossed it across the back of the chair opposite her. He flopped down to take his seat with a huff, pointedly giving the wall a glare that he was likely doing his best not to direct at her.

Naeva planted her own gaze on the wall. "I was only thinking of Kurapika. It is- I am not..." Her words faded into silence. She was not entirely sure why she had even let the honesty tumble forth. The answer she had already given – that she was okay – should have been enough, yet Killua always found some way to see through her. Far worse, he would then insist on dragging what he saw up to the surface. _No, I cannot blame him. My pride is the problem. My pride... and being back in the Al'Cairi Palace._

* * *

Killua felt an instant twinge of guilt at Naeva's admission. _Of course she's still upset about Kurapika. I wish he was here, too. He'd actually know how to handle all of this miserable business._ When there was a knock on the door of the bedroom, Killua seized the excuse to step away from her sorrowful eyes and hurried to answer it. As he'd expected, it was only the youthful Guardsman returning with a tray of food. Killua muttered thanks with a curt nod, closing the door again as the man took up vigil alongside the others.

When he returned to the sitting room everyone was already in a brighter mood. Gon had evidently landed a good joke, because both Alluka and Naeva were laughing. Killua set the dinner tray down on the low coffee table and distributed the small meat – probably beef? – and vegetable pies with linen napkins before picking one up for himself and retaking his chair. They ate mostly in silence, although Naeva had to be coaxed by his sister into taking more than a scant few bites of her food. Killua kept having flashing remembrance of her dance with Girald, which didn't help his own appetite. They'd all watched from a distance after Moiraine had hunted them down to enlist their help.

He wasn't willing to analyze just why his stomach churned when he thought about the way they'd looked dancing together. Girald had been every ounce as graceful as he was pretty. _I wonder what exactly he implied that pissed her off._ Killua almost asked without thinking about it, and had to stuff his mouth with the last bit of buttery crust he held to keep the question from spilling out. It really was troublesome; he hated feeling so nosy.

"Killua?" Naeva spoke his name in little more than a whisper. She still hadn't eaten very much and the majority of the little pie sat on the napkin in her lap. The look she fixed him with was solemn. "It occurs to me that I ought thank you for the actions you undertook to keep me from accompanying Kurapika. I would not be alive right now had the Channeling Sickness overwhelmed me when Alluka was not nearby. Nanika was the only chance I had to survive it."

For too long Killua only stared at her, taken aback. "Don't thank me for that. As if any of us could've had even a clue that you'd get so sick." Despite his words, the reality of exactly how close she'd come to death was a chilling one. _If Kurapika had swayed in his conviction and taken her along, if she'd decided to run off and I couldn't catch her in time, if we hadn't gone together to Yverris to interrogate Moghedien, if Nanika hadn't been awake-_ He shut down that upsetting spiral of thought.

Alluka leaned over to press a kiss atop Naeva's hair. "Everything worked out okay." She patted her best friend's hand and pointedly gestured to the rest of her dinner. Naeva sighed, but she took a big bite.

"Kurapika will be fine, too," Gon said. "I know you've got a lot of faith in him, Naeva. Just keep having that faith." His smile was comforting, though his skin was a shade paler than usual.

 _He's probably thinking of Kite, and how hard that faith came back to bite him in the end. If something does happen to Kurapika-_ Killua gave his head a rough shake to clear that thought away, too. His ears picked up on the sound of raised voices from the hallway, then. Gon must've heard the same, because he whipped his head around to stare toward the bedroom with a curious expression. There was no knock or anything, and the girls probably didn't hear that there was some sort of conflict going on. Killua tried to get up and slink away nonchalantly to check it out. He'd only made it to the doorway separating the parlor from the bedroom when his movement caught his sister's attention.

"What is it, Onii-chan? Is something wrong? Are you okay?" Alluka asked in a rush.

Killua turned back around with a shrug. "It's probably nothing."

"Somebody's out arguing in the hall," Gon elaborated – always so helpful, Gon.

Promptly, Naeva returned the last bit of her pie down to the tray and bounded up from her seat. She hurried by him to go to the door herself. When she jerked it open, Killua had to look over the heads of her Guardsmen physically blocking the entryway to see Abrim's angry expression.

"Rem, Caden, please step aside." Naeva had only let only the smallest amount of impatience into her words, but the two named Guardsmen didn't hesitate even a second to do as she asked.

The old one – Rem – bowed to her. "I did not wish to overstep my place, my Lady." His voice was as strained as his apologetic expression. "It is only that Moiraine-Sedai was most adamant about you getting proper rest tonight, and I thought additional guests would delay that from happening."

"Additional? Who's alre-" Abrim's words choked off as he looked over Naeva and spotted him standing a distance behind her. His eyes widened with surprise that might've been comical if Killua wasn't so sure he'd gotten a very wrong impression. Thankfully, his sister and Gon walked out past him next and the Asha'man slumped with obvious relief. "Can I join you and your friends, El'Naeva?"

Naeva moved back to admit her cousin, then crossed her arms as she turned to regard him. "I was not expecting you, Abe. Is this merely a social visit?"

"Well, I was worried that-" Abrim started, and when her eyes narrowed he shrank back and hastily changed whatever he'd been about to say. "-of course it's just a social visit!"

" _Good_." Naeva spoke the single word so emphatically that it was somewhat intimidating. "Nobody sent you to mind me, then? There has been enough of the presumption that I cannot take care of myself already and my patience is tested."

Abrim shook his head vigorously. "Da didn't send me, if that's what you're thinking. He disappeared from the Ballroom even before you did." He regained some of his courage and scowled – not at her really, but maybe at some stray thought. "Honestly, I did want to check on you, but only because you seemed troubled during that dance with Lord Girald."

"I can bloody well handle Girald." The utterance was a fervent one, and Naeva punctuated it with a vitriolic sniff.

Alluka approached Naeva to whisper something in her ear that was almost quiet enough for him not to hear it. "You're being pretty mean to him, Naeva-chan."

The words took immediate effect. Naeva dropped the frustration from her posture and bowed her head. "Light, Abe, I am sorry. My tongue is sharper than it ought be tonight, and I am being unduly harsh."

Abrim frowned. "I understand that you must be feeling stifled. Really, I promise that I didn't mean to add to that, myself." He straightened himself up. "Do you wish me to go, El'Naeva?"

"No." Naeva favored him with a small smile. "But I wish you would drop the title and call me cos as you did when I was younger. Would you like to have tea with us?"

A brief conflict played out across Abrim's expression, but then he made an attempt to match her smile. "I would, cos."

They went back into the parlor with some of the lightness restored to the atmosphere, although Naeva seemed unwilling to act as casually with Abrim around as she did when it was only the four of them. She ushered her cousin into one of the chairs and then sat herself on the rug, adjusting her silk skirt with a practiced twitch so it would lay flat.

Gon took it upon himself to pour five servings of tea from the still steaming teapot. "Would it be weird to ask how strong a channeler you are, Abrim? I'm only curious."

After a long drink from his cup, Abrim answered bashfully. "Aside from my Talent with Healing, I'm really only of middling strength. El'Nae- erm, Naeva could overpower most Asha'man, for comparison. That's quite rare – in general, men have more capacity for the Power than women. I think only the M'Hael is as strong as she is."

"You are exaggerating. Logain is most definitely more powerful than I am," Naeva disagreed absently, blowing on her tea to cool it.

Abrim smiled at her. "But you're still reaching your potential, cos."

Naeva frowned, just slightly.

Killua scooped two hefty dollops of honey into his cup and decided to change the subject. "You don't talk as formally as everyone else around here, Abrim." He put on an air of innocence, just in case that was deemed a rude thing to point out.

Abrim chuckled. "Yeah, I grew up with my Grandda in the countryside. My Da may be the Prince of the Ravens, but I'm only his illegitimate son. He kept me tucked away to keep me safe from assassins and the like."

Killua was careful to keep his expression neutral. Abrim said it like it was nothing, but there might be raw feelings underneath. The 'safe from assassins' bit came very close to making him cringe, however.

Abrim took another long drink. As he lowered his cup again, his attention trailed over all of them before stopping on Naeva. "Can I ask you a serious question, cos?" His voice was soft, timid.

"You may." Naeva looked to him in curiosity.

"I want to know why your mind's so set on going back to that Mirror World. Aren't there still things you want to accomplish here? When you were a child, all you wanted was to hurry and become Aes Sedai. Now you've finally earned the Great Serpent ring, and you're going to- to just give it all up?" That had been a rushing torrent of words, and Abrim looked nervous when he finished.

Naeva took a long time to form her answer. Killua was ready for her to lash out, but she surprised him when she finally looked up from her tea with a patient smile for her cousin. "Abe, what I had planned for my life before was a way to make the best from a series of obligations. I had a path to follow – I even had a timeline _._ Aes Sedai by twelve, a political marriage by twenty, several decades after that to tolerate some nobleman and provide him Heirs, and perhaps by my fiftieth year I might settle into a life of secluded research in the White Tower."

 _Provide- no, I'm not going to dwell on that._ Killua ignored his own wave of disgust and puzzled instead over Abrim's reaction. While Naeva had been speaking, her cousin's face had grown increasingly dark with indignation. _He seems different from the others here. It's like he's... disillusioned, maybe? Well, it could just be that he grew up in the country and not in a Palace._

"That's not so, Naeva." Abrim spoke almost zealously. She glanced back at him, surprised. "That's not at all how it would've been." He pulled in a shaky breath and when he went on, it was in a quieter voice. "Even if you decided to stay here now... you just don't see the possibilities that are available to you."

Naeva sat forward with a light of excitement in her eyes. "But you cannot even begin to imagine the possibilities that exist for me in the world where I _have_ decided to make my home. Please, if you can, I only ask that you be happy for me." She hiccuped, reminding everyone at once that she'd been drinking, and then giggled.

"You're drunk, cos." Abrim drained the last of his tea in one gulp. "This probably wasn't the best time to bring it all up. Your Guardsmen are right, you should be sleeping."

Alluka directed a warm smile at her best friend. "It's been a tiring day, hasn't it? Maybe we should shoo the boys out and get some rest."

Naeva looked very much like she wanted to argue and wished Alluka hadn't planted herself on the opposite side. "I am not tired. I feel-"

"Energetic, carefree, invigorated, alive," Killua cut in, and she nodded happily. _Gotcha._ "All signs that you're drunk, Naeva."

She took a moment to stop nodding. He'd expected she might glare at him then, but what she did was far worse. Naeva stuck out a trembling lower lip and her eyebrows wilted. It wasn't her most impressive pout, but it was right up there. Killua looked away from her only to catch Abrim staring at him with a troubled expression. _Yikes. I was only agreeing with him._

Abrim dropped his eyes and stood. "I'll go ahead and take my leave. It's really been a tiring day."

Naeva scrambled up and started toward him, then tripped over her skirt and fell forward. Her cousin caught her and she laughed, then adjusted herself to wrap her arms around him in a tight hug. "I shall see you on the morrow for breakfast. Sweet dreams, Abe."

Abrim patted her lightly atop the head. "Sleep well, cos." He heaved a sigh as he pulled away from her and called out the final goodbye as he left. "Goodnight to all of you."

* * *

Ishamael dismissed the young Friend of the Dark that had been kneeling and quivering before him with a wave of his hand. _After all of this time, after Moghedien's wretched failure..._ He laughed, so loudly that the rodents scurried from the dim cabin, and then drew on the True Power. A black fleck swam about to obscure his vision and there were writhing tendrils of filth in his brain, but he ignored that. Drawing Power directly from the Dark One had its drawbacks. He Traveled to the safeguarded fortress that most oft served as his home, where he went straight to his chambers to lie down. _Uvilla, Winette, Taph, Ysdriel, Enorie... Kiende, my darling Kiende._

It took more time to shut down his ecstatic thoughts and push aside his memories – his loveliest and most painful memories – than it did to put himself to sleep. When all in his mind was quiet and his body was at rest, he slipped toward _tel'aran'rhiod_. Halfway there in that strange place of utter emptiness that was filled with more than could ever be counted, he stopped. Long ago in one of his many lives this place had been affectionately termed the Sea of Stars. In the vast abyss surrounding him were glimmers of light, each glimmer a sleeping soul. Ishamael did not bother to look around, and in any case what was done here could hardly even be called looking. He had no need of vision; he could feel her.

His soul called out to find the reverberation of the one he sought and she was there. His only equal, his weakness and his strength, his soulmate. Almost immediately, Ishamael's glee shifted to dissatisfaction, spiked to rage, and then melded right back into joy. _You have been drinking. That is unfortunate, but it cannot bring low the elation of this reunion. How many years has it been since I have felt your dreams? Only... eight? No, nine. Nine years ago when you were only a tiny child. I did frighten you that last time, but not every time. Will you remember me?_

He ignored the fogginess of the dream she was currently having and began spinning a web – a Dreamshard of his own creation for them to share. In an effort to make her feel comfortable, he made his Dreamshard into an image of the room in which she currently slept. A drunken mind was prone to panic, so he would have to be careful. Ishamael reached straight past the wards of the dreaming woman – girl? – and plucked her out. Into his web she went, and he followed.

Naeva Mandragoran turned a slow circle, staring at the walls of her bedroom in the- oh, he could not be bothered to remember the name of such a new Palace. There were thousands upon thousands of Palaces in his memories. Each of them crumbled to dust eventually, just as this one would someday.

"My Lady?" _Yes,_ my _Lady. Mine! My darling Naeva, darling Taph, darling Kiende. How I have missed you!_ Ishamael stepped toward her slowly. He had been waiting so long – _too_ long, after three entire millennia of being without her – to see her again, and she had rather blossomed in the interim. Just four years past he had nearly laid claim to her, but she was much too young and wild in those days and he had wanted to be charitable. Before Moghedien had betrayed him with her foolish lust for vengeance, he had enjoyed months of being able to see her and touch her in the physical world. She had not known it was him, but he had touched her and Healed her injuries and whispered loving words that she could not hear.

Naeva whirled at his voice and took a few moments to focus on him, then emitted a girlish giggle. "Pardon, my Lord, but I do not recall your name. Where has everyone else gone?"

Ishamael smiled for her. She did _not_ remember him, but that was acceptable. He could restore her memories gradually and make more beautiful ones with her as they lived through the future Ages together. For the first time in an exceedingly long time, his heart – a human heart, despite what anyone thought – could feel something other than pain or wrath. She was precious and irreplaceable to him, the single thread worth cherishing in all of the wretched Pattern. "There is no one here but you and I, my Lady. We are the only two who matter."

She frowned and flitted her gaze about again. "No, I am quite certain that-"

He closed his own will around her so that she would cease trying to remember whomever she had been previously dreaming about. Doubtless, it would have provoked some unpleasant emotion within him that he did _not_ want to be feeling in her presence. _Companions, she has companions. Interlopers! They dare be close enough that they might be in her dreams? I will feed them to the Darkhounds! I will- no. No, I must have restraint. Under no circumstances can I risk losing control of this situation. Once she has joined me, we can deal with the interlopers together._ She was frozen in place and her eyes were blank. He had made his will so oppressive that she could not think at all, and it took considerable effort to relax it.

Kiende – Naeva in this lifetime, he reminded himself – swayed on her feet. Ishamael took another step nearer so that he could wrap one hand gently around her arm. She leaned into him with a grateful smile. "Thank you. I was feeling a whit lightheaded."

"You are quite welcome, my Lady." Ishamael studied her intently. She was a handful of years shy of full maturity, yet more a woman now than a girl. Kiende's skin had been fairer and Ysdriel's dark as kaf, but he thought the golden tint to her complexion now was delightful. With a thought, he changed her from the odd britches and loose shirt she had been wearing into a thin satin gown more befitting. "You should not indulge in alcohol when we are apart."

She straightened herself at once. "Have I been- wait-" Her pale eyes fastened on his, narrowed sharply. "Just who are you to tell me off? Why have- h-have..."

He forced her to quiet and exhaled heavily. _She still has that ferocity. I can only narrowly control her! I suppose I must tolerate it until we know one another properly again. Oh, I only want her to say she loves me as she used to – as she does! We are-_ Ishamael released her arm when he realized he was very close to tightening his grip to the point where he might damage her. No, that would not do. _Why did that Friend of the Dark not prevent her from drinking?! Is he so inept that he cannot keep her within his sight as I commanded?!_

Ishamael worked to clear his mind and held his hands gripped together behind his back until the tension left him. That took quite a while. He kept her thoughtless and motionless and was content to only look her over. Again, he decided to change her attire – a becoming nightdress of pristine lace – and ran his fingertips as lightly as possible over the bared skin of her slender arms. _So close. Soon you will be delivered safe to me, darling. I do not know how much longer I can wait, but for now... for now you are too addled by drink and I am too agitated, far too excited._

Reluctantly, Ishamael let her free of the Dreamshard and back into her own sleeping body. _I will see you again tomorrow night. And soon, very soon, we will be together in the waking world. It must be soon!_


	17. Of Hangovers and Honeycakes

Naeva shivered when she woke. Even the summer nights were bitterest cold in Malkier, and the furnace beneath her mattress had given up the last of its warmth hours ago. She wove thin threads of Fire to heat the room and then pulled the blanket up to her nose. After a minute or so, when the temperature became comfortable, she uncovered herself. _My head hurts. I have a- what did Alluka call it before? I have a hangover. I am never drinking again._

Rolling onto her side, Naeva shaded her face with her hand to cut out the early dawn light streaming through her curtains. Alluka was still deeply asleep beside her. _I am glad not to be constantly waited upon any longer, but right about now I could almost wish for a Lady's maid with a fresh pot of tea._ She yawned and forced herself out of the bed, then shuffled around drowsily in search of her slippers. _Tea. Mayhap there is some Ochrenettle in the kitchens to help my blasted head. Ah, there they are._ She tugged the black satin slippers on and went to her wardrobe for a suitable cloak to wear over her nightgown.

There was the sound of a sleepy groan from behind her, and some light shuffling. "Is it time to get up already?"

After selecting a fur-lined white cloak that would cover her from chin to toes, Naeva glanced over to meet the tired eyes of her best friend. "It is still very early if you would like to catch more rest." She made sure to speak lowly, and still her own words echoed through the pulsing haze in her mind. That reinforced her motivation to go make tea.

Alluka's eyebrows raised. "Where are you going?"

"To the kitchen. I can bring back..." Naeva stopped her sentence with a fond smile as Alluka scrambled out of bed.

"I'll come, too!" With that spark of enthusiasm, Alluka was instantly wide awake. "How are you feeling?"

"Bloody terrible _,_ " she said. "But I will make us some nice tea, and that will fix the problem." Turning back to the open wardrobe, Naeva grabbed up one of Alluka's cloaks and handed it over to her. "Here. There is no need to get dressed for the day, not just yet. It takes too long."

"Okay." Alluka shrugged on the blue velvet and snuggled herself into it while Naeva fastened the pin. "Should we wake up the boys?"

Naeva debated, then shook her head. "Although it is tempting, rousing them from sleep so early does seem unkind."

"Onii-chan is probably already awake, though." Alluka smiled. "And I don't think Gon will mind."

That wrested a small laugh from her. It hurt to laugh, but Naeva could not make herself regret it. _I do hope that Gon does not stay ignorant to her affection forever._ "Ah, very well. We can bring them along."

"Yay." Alluka only whispered the cheer.

"Do not forget your slippers, Alluka-chan," Naeva reminded her absently as she closed up the wardrobe.

In a matter of moments they were ready enough to leave the bedroom, although not really meeting acceptable standards of decency for Malkier. Still, at this hour they would be unlikely to encounter anyone in the corridors who might dare to make an issue of it. Naeva nodded politely to her Guardsmen – still the overnight shift – as they passed by and made for the room that Gon and Killua were sharing. Alluka took it upon herself to knock. She did so very softly, Light shine on her for that.

Killua quirked an eyebrow at them when he answered the door, but he did step back so they could enter. He was still in sleepwear, as well. "You're even earlier than yesterday. The sun's barely up."

"Onii-chan, try to be quiet," Alluka chided him. "Naeva has a hangover."

That only produced a grin from Killua, which he directed at Naeva. "Serves you right, idiot."

"Killua, you don't even know what a hangover feels like." Gon's sleepy voice chimed in, indignant on her behalf. "If you were normal, you'd be in a coma after all you drank last night." He sat up and rubbed at his eyes with the back of one hand, then stretched as he got up from bed. Alluka stared at him the entire time, but Naeva was fairly certain she was the only one who noticed that.

"Whatever. That doesn't mean I can't offer my opinion." Killua huffed out a breath before glancing at them more curiously. "What are you two up to, anyway?"

"We're going to the kitchen!" Alluka said, then gave Naeva an apologetic look for the way she'd raised her volume. Much more gently, she added, "Naeva's in a hurry to get some tea."

Killua's brows drew low at that. "Can't you just order someone to bring you tea?"

"I could." Naeva put her sleeve cuffs together to nestle her hands more comfortably in the warm fox fur. "But I want to make it myself." _And preferably soon._ "Put a cloak on, so we can go."

Killua scoffed at her. "Why do I have to go on your stubborn little tea mission?"

Alluka's expression became wounded. "I thought... that you might be bored." She dropped her sad stare to the floor. "It was my idea to ask you two to come along."

Immediately, Killua looked remorseful. "I mean, I _was_ bored." He hurried to one of the dual wardrobes to yank out a cloak. "Tea sounds great."

Gon laughed and received an scathing violet glare that was followed only a second later by a wadded up cloak hitting him in the face. He caught the garment before it fell to the floor and grinned. "C'mon, that was funny. You're such a total sucker."

Alluka began giggling and Naeva bit the inside of her cheek to avoid joining in. _It is not as if Alluka-chan did that on purpose like I often do. She wears her emotions outright._

Killua's cheeks pinked as he stiffly pulled his cloak on. He muttered something beneath his breath that she could not make out.

Thankfully, the boys had their boots on without any further delay and Naeva was able to continue her 'stubborn little tea mission'. Down the winding staircases and through the levels of the Palace they went. Gon commented before they were halfway there that whatever was being made for breakfast smelled delicious, but it was another five minutes before Naeva could pick up on the aroma herself. Nice as it was, her stomach was unappreciative. _Perhaps some Fidlie seeds with the Ochrenettle. I am never, ever drinking again!  
_

At the entrance to their destination, Naeva turned on her heel and held out a hand that stopped her four Guardsmen in their tracks. "I should like you to wait here, please."

The four exchanged a look. It was the eldest who spoke up. "Beg pardon, my Lady, but we cannot serve you very well if you bar us from your side."

Naeva scowled and cared not how petulant it may have looked. "I am only going to have a peaceful cup of tea, and I will be right back. The kitchen staff is far too busy to be troubled over me bringing my entire retinue into their domain."

The senior Guardsman frowned. They were all so much more overbearing after her absence than they had ever been when she was little. "There are many more exits to the Servants' Wing than this one. Do you give me your word that you will not stray, my Lady?"

"You have my word. I shall not stray one step from the Servants' Wing without my loyal Guardsmen." Naeva gave the assurance as congenially as possible.

While the man regarded her a long while, he finally relented with a deep and somber bow. "As you wish, my Lady." He then turned to the three behind him to bark the order that they secure the other exits.

 _As if some flaming cutthroat is going to come looking for me in the kitchen, of all places. I miss being trusted to mind myself._ Smothering her indignation, Naeva turned back around and walked through the doors with her friends. She surveyed the kitchen and was right back to feeling miffed. _Everything has been rearranged. Of course it has._

It was a bedlam of activity as the cooks and scullions hustled to prepare for breakfast. There were a great number of guests in the Palace for the Wedding, so their jobs were far more demanding than was usual. Most of the servants were too busy to take notice of their entrance, but a few jumped and then dropped into bows or curtsies. At least, they did until the Head Cook shook her ladle at them threateningly. The stern woman made sure to dip her own curtsy, however. "My Lords, my Ladies, just what is it you're wishing from my kitchens so early in the morn?"

Naeva waved her hand. "I only wish to brew some tea. If you would, Mistress, all I ask is that you might point me in the direction of the herb stock?"

The Head Cook swung her ladle hard at a passing servant that had stopped to gawk, then used it to gesture toward a far shelf. "You'll be finding the tea fixings right over there, _Mindeyeniye_. I'll have one o' these lummoxes bring you a boiling kettle."

Naeva put a smile on her face, despite that she was stunned and subsequently irritated over hearing that particular Old Tongue endearment again after so long. "That would be most gracious of you, Mistress." As she turned toward the shelf she wanted, everyone followed except for Killua. She paused to aim a questioning look at him that he ignored.

Killua pointed a finger at a cast iron baking sheet burdened with steaming honeycakes. He favored the Head Cook with an imploring grin. "Hey, can I please have one of those? Or three?"

"I want one!" Gon piped up. "Actually, I want a few."

Killua nodded. "Yeah, however many you can spare. They smell amazing _._ "

The Head Cook – all severity just a moment ago – simpered at the compliment. "Well, I- I thank you, my Lord. I'll make you up a tray myself." She swiped crumbs from her apron and curtsied again. "If you'll just be waiting with _Mindeyeniye_ , I'll-" Her words choked off with a scandalized gasp as Killua snatched one of the hot pastries in a quick hand and took a bite.

Killua looked between the honeycake and the Head Cook's incredulous stare a few times. "I didn't think it'd be a big deal if I just..." He blinked, then summoned his most charming smile. "It _really_ is amazing, Mistress."

The Head Cook giggled like a girl less than half her age, then glared daggers at any subordinates who dared be amused by that. When she peered back up at Killua, her face was bright red. "You're much too kind, my Lord. I'll be bringing you that tray right away, I assure you."

"Thanks." Killua grinned as he bowed, adding flourish with the pastry in his hand. He probably only meant to politely return her earlier curtsy, but then he just did not understand how seriously people took the action of bowing in this world. The depth of the bow would have been fitting for any Lady – a whit too shallow to be the style Naeva would see directed at herself. For a servant – even the Head Cook herself – it was an inconceivable amount of honor to dole out over a few honeycakes. Really, had the woman just saved his life she still would never have expected to be bowed to so deeply.

The ladle fell from the Head Cook's slackened grip and clattered noisily to the floor. She clapped her hands to her cheeks and goggled. "My Lord, you- but you..." she spluttered, at an absolute loss for words.

Killua straightened up in a hurry, mortified by her reaction. The flush of his cheeks could not possibly have outdone hers, but it tried.

Naeva repressed the urge to laugh, though Gon and Alluka certainly did not, and decided that Killua needed rescuing from the awkwardness of the situation. She stepped back to loop her arm through his, smiling as gently as she could at the flabbergasted woman. "The Lord Killua is from a foreign land, Mistress. Great value is placed upon food there, and he is only accustomed to displaying such humility toward any cook so gifted as yourself." Her head was throbbing – especially after the agonizing noise of the ladle bouncing around – but she thought that sounded a reasonable explanation.

The Head Cook pressed a hand to her chest, breathing deep and heaving breaths. "Of course, _Mindeyeniye_. Oh, Light! I apologize for my misunderstanding of your culture, my Lord. It was... it was a shock to my ol' heart, that's all."

Naeva hurried Killua away before he could say or do anything that might actually give the poor woman a heart attack. At the far end of the kitchen by the shelf of tea supplies, she released him and lowered her brow to her hand. "I wish so badly that my head was clear enough right now to tease you," she murmured, then set about rummaging the shelves for what she needed.

"What did I even do wrong?" Killua asked hoarsely. He seemed to remember the honeycake then, and ate the rest of it in two bites. After licking his fingers clean, he reached up easily to retrieve the stack of stoneware cups she had been on tiptoe trying to pull down from a high shelf.

Gon and Alluka had waited until they could contain their own mirth before joining them. Alluka patted her brother on the back. "It's okay, Onii-chan. I honestly think you might have been the highlight of her day."

Naeva nodded as she arranged the four cups on the counter top. "That is an understatement. Her grandchildren will tire of hearing that tale, but she will never tire of telling it." Squinting to block as much of the glaring firelight as possible, she surveyed the rows of herbs.

"I don't get it," Killua said. "I thought I was being polite."

"Let it go, woolhead. I care not to give you an etiquette lesson at the moment." Naeva managed a weak sniff. The jar of Fidlie seeds was easy to spot, and she picked a handful of fat Traegum leaves for flavor. _Ochrenettle, Ochrenettle... perhaps I should have just sent someone off to-_

"Do you need any help?" Gon stepped up beside her. He kept his voice low.

 _Such a sweet friend._ Naeva smiled up at him as best she could. "Do you know what Ochrenettle looks like?"

"No." Gon turned toward the shelf with plain determination anyway. "This little jar has strips of willow bark, I think. Willow bark's great for headaches, if- well, if this is even willow bark. I guess that I can't really be sure, here." He picked up one of the taller glass jars and held it out to her.

Naeva took the jar to study it. "Willow bark, indeed." _I did not expect to find that stored in the Palace. There is no kitchen use to it. I wonder if it has been kept in stock simply because..._ "Thank you, Gon." She pulled some sprigs of Dewflower and then began portioning everything to the cups. "Ochrenettle should be in a hanging bundle. The stalks are thin and brown, with very fine bristles, and it has sparse yellow leaves."

"Oh!" At Gon's utterance she glanced up again. He extended his arms to untie one of the higher bundles and showed it to her. "This one, maybe?"

"Light, you _found_ it." Naeva breathed, accepting the bundle. "Gon Freecs, I hereby anoint you Battle Lord of Malkier for your most welcome assistance in slaying my hangover."

Gon grinned. "That's a cool title! Even if you're joking, I'm totally keeping it."

"I got the cups down for you," Killua grumbled.

Alluka shook her head. "I thought you didn't want any titles, Onii-chan?"

He frowned. "That was before Naeva gave Gon one. And Battle Lord sounds way cooler than just _Lord_."

"You can consider yourself an anointed Battle Lord too, Killua." Naeva smiled at the exchange. "I do appreciate you getting the cups for me." Killua and Gon argued amiably over who was the superior Battle Lord while she finished her preparations. She added willow bark strips and Ochrenettle to her cup alone – not very tasty, those – and then restored everything to the shelves.

Gon took the iron kettle from the harried looking scullion who brought it over and poured the water. "How'd you learn so much about medicinal plants, Naeva?" He flashed a grin. "Since you can Heal whatever you want with channeling or ask someone else to, I find it interesting."

Naeva grabbed a tray to arrange the four cups on while she thought over her answer. That was about the same time the Head Cook sauntered over to pass a tray laden with stacked pastries to Killua. Neither of the two said anything – they did not even meet one another's eyes – but the Cook curtsied so deeply her knees nearly reached the floor before she hastened away again.

At last, Naeva dredged the explanation up. "My mother was a village herbalist before she became Queen or even Aes Sedai. She was proud of her trade, so she never gave it up. I learned from her." The soft, sad look Alluka gave at that made her throat squeeze. Naeva picked up the tray of tea and offered her a smile. "It is nice to think back on my better memories, Alluka-chan. _Lyet_ , we can have our tea here in the Servants' Wing." _Provided that the dining room is still where I remember it to be._

Killua swallowed a mouthful of honeycake and smirked. "Are you trying to hide from the other nobles?"

"I despise playing _daes dae'mar_ over meals," Naeva said, too distracted to try for anything wittier than the blunt truth while she navigated her way through the hectic kitchens. Luckily, the first door she pushed open with her hip _did_ lead to the humble dining room she had hoped it would. "Marvelous, here we are."

They settled in together at the rough wooden table. Naeva let her tea steep while everyone else chatted. She was content to close her eyes and enjoy the herbal scent that wafted up to her. After a few minutes, when the liquid was appropriately dark, she started drinking the tea down and felt the knot in her head begin to loosen. She was pondering over whether her stomach could handle a honeycake when the door opposite the one to the kitchen opened with a bang that made her jump.

Mat swaggered through with a loopy grin, tossing a jingling coinpurse from hand to hand. He stopped short when he caught sight of the four of them. "Blood and _ashes_ , what are you four doing up so late?"

"It is early, Uncle," Naeva corrected him.

"No, it isn't." Mat frowned at her in obvious skepticism. "Is it?"

"Were you up all night long?" Alluka asked cheekily.

Mat tied the fat coinpurse onto his belt, then sat down on the bench seat beside Naeva. "Well, I didn't think so. It feels like only an hour ago I left the ballroom."

Naeva aimed a sly smile at him. "I assume you snuck away to get drunk with the servants and swindle them of their hard earned silver."

"Gambler I am, but I do not _swindle_ anyone. I can't be blamed for being lucky." He belched. "And I am not drunk, either – Oosquai just makes me look drunk. Again, not my bloody fault." That said, he was eyeing her tea furtively.

 _I suppose I should be kind, lovable scoundrel that he is._ Naeva drank her cup to the halfway point before sliding it over to him. "You do realize that you have two hours at most before the Prince of the Ravens must appear respectable, yes?"

Mat drank deeply from the teacup before lowering it with a shake of his head. "I hate being a flaming Prince. Always said I'd never take it seriously, and now look at me. All for Tuon. She's fortunate I love her enough to tolerate- ooh, are these Mistress Al'Vere's recipe?" He scarfed an entire honeycake in one bite and made a blissful noise with his mouth full. "Th' _best._ "

Alluka was frowning down at her tea. "Tuon is your wife, right?"

"My wife, my wife, my wife." Mat laughed, then appeared rather crestfallen when no one else joined in. "Well, I suppose you lot wouldn't get that joke. It's a good one, I swear."

"But if you really love her..." Alluka's fingers tightened around her stone cup. She looked both confused and cross. With a prickling horror, Naeva realized where this was going and begged with her eyes for Alluka to stop there. Her best friend did not catch the look and continued, "Why would you sleep around with other women?"

Everyone at the table became utterly still. Unexpectedly, Mat was the first to relax. He sighed and folded his arms atop the table to rest his head on them. " _Mi Mindena_ ," his muffled voice started morosely, "will you channel us a bubble of silence?"

Mouth dry – she wished now that she had made more tea than just four cups – Naeva wove the simple pattern around the five of them that would ensure they were not overheard. "Yes, Uncle. I have done so."

He did not lift his head. "Can I trust your three friends?"

"Of course." She was thoroughly bewildered, now. "I would trust them with anything."

Mat straightened up so quickly he wavered in his seat. He fixed Alluka with an earnest look that was impressive, given his current state. "I do not sleep around, _Amseiera._ "

Naeva was not the only one to blink at him incredulously after that statement, but she was certain nobody else could be half as dumbstruck as she was. "Excuse me?"

Her uncle smiled crookedly. "It's true _._ Feels bloody good to say it aloud, too."

"If that's true," Killua's eyes narrowed, "then why would Abrim tell us that he's your illegitimate son?"

Mat's expression crumpled to misery at that. "Because it's the most ridiculous and bloody important secret I have ever had to keep. I would not be telling any of you if I didn't know you'll all soon be gone from this world and never looking back."

Naeva covered her mouth with a hand. She had never in her life been so speechless. _Abrim is_ _a child of the Empress? Blood and ashes! How could he have_ ever _kept that hidden?_

"Why's it such an important secret?" Gon asked.

"Because it's keeping my son alive," Mat said. "Has _Mindena_ told you anything of the Seanchan?"

"Some comment about how the Imperials think they're Hawkwing's descendants," Killua said, chin in hand.

Naeva lowered her hand and swallowed down her hesitation, then elaborated. "That is a fitting enough place to begin. When the consolidation was broken, some portion of Hawkwing's followers sailed across the Aryth Ocean and were not seen again until just over thirty years ago. That faction carried with them the hatred for channeling that corrupted Hawkwing until his death. They could not prevent channelers from being born among them in each future generation, and so they adopted harsh policies and invented- they invented a means of..." _Burn them!_ The thought was a recurring one, but she had not had it in years. Now was an inconvenient moment for it to return and clamp her throat shut. _Burn them! Light burn the bloody Seanchan and-_

"Shh, _Mindena_. I can take it from there." One of Mat's hands wrapped around hers. The frown on his face made him look so much older than his customary smile. He met her friends' inquisitive stares with a level look. "The Seanchan created the _a'dam._ Every girl was tested with it when they reached a certain age, and if the collar worked on them they were kept collared. Considering channelers to be dangerous and subhuman was so ingrained into their culture that the poor girls gave themselves up to that fate without complaint. The men could not be dealt with safely. When they discovered a male channeler, they executed him."

Naeva was focusing on the woodgrain of the table now. She did not want to see anyone's reaction. Still, she heard a gasp from Alluka and Gon spoke up angrily, "You married one of those people? They sound horrible!"

"Yes, well..." Mat puffed out a breath. "It's bloody complicated. Thirty years ago when they came to take the land by force and started collaring women left and right, I thought the Seanchan were about as despicable as any group of people could be. Marrying Tuon started as an accident. That I grew to love her was just as much an accident. And now... three decades have seen change in the Seanchan, if not nearly enough yet."

"Do they still use the _a'dam_?" Killua's voice was low, but even.

"These days it is offered as a _choice_." Mat spat the answer with clear distaste. "Relinquish your life in service to the Empire, or else be exiled. Too few of the girls choose exile. Women who had been taken from other lands were released – if they weren't already so broken that they didn't bloody want to go. None but Seanchan women have been enslaved in the years since Tarmon Gaidon. Without a way to collar and use channeling men, they are always exiled. That would not have been the case with Abrim, however. For a channeler like he to have valid claim on the Crystal Throne... he would have been murdered."

"That doesn't sound like much improvement at all, to me," Gon said.

Naeva made herself look up. "Fortuona was complicit? You took Abe to Emond's Field when he was a newborn, so Min must have _seen_ that he would be born with the spark, and... Fortuona would have had to hide that she was with child the entire time."

Mat nodded gravely. "Everything was kept secret. Only your mother, Tuon, and myself were present at the birth. Add to that Min, and you have the number of people who were ever made aware of the identity of Abrim's mother before today. Tuon wept to let him go. I've never seen that woman shed a single bloody tear for anything else, but she wept as Nynaeve and I took her babe and left for Emond's Field."

"You've never even told Abrim?" Alluka's eyes swam with sympathy.

"No, _Amseiera_ , I have not." Mat licked his lips. "It has to stay that way. None of you can breathe a word of this to anyone, and that includes Abrim."

"But, for his entire life," Naeva whispered. "Abe has always thought-" She pressed her lips together to prevent any more of those words spilling out. _I caught him crying, and he tried to hold back but he- and what was it that he said? He felt... that his very life was dishonorable. He felt so worthless._ She turned an aghast look on her uncle. "Why in the Light are you telling us this at _all?_ "

Mat put a hand underneath his hat to scratch at his head. "I suppose it's vain of me, but..." His voice became a low, hoarse whisper. "We'll soon be saying goodbye for good, _mi Mindena._ That's tough on me as it is, but the thought that you'd go the rest of your life thinking of me as the charlatan everyone else does... I just don't want that."

Her vision blurred. Naeva leaned into Mat for a hug. A few of her tears fell free to wet his velvet coat. "I do not think you are a charlatan. A rascal, and one whom I dearly love, but never a charlatan." She peered up at him and blinked her tears away. "Do not tell Perrin this, but you have always been my _favorite,_ Uncle Mat."

Her uncle squeezed her back with enthusiasm. As his mood brightened, so did everyone else's. They made more lighthearted conversation while they finished their tea and devoured the entire heap of honeycakes.

And then Killua blinked up, as if a sudden thought had struck him. "Oh, yeah. I wanted to ask, but I was distracted by that whole embarrassing thing with the Cook." He fastened a quizzical look on her. "What does _Mindeyeniye_ mean?"

Oh, burn him, he was always so curious about the Old Tongue. Naeva's face heated.

Mat burst into laughter, choking a little on a drink of tea from the cup that was meant to have been hers. She shot him a narrow-eyed glare. He met her glare with a wide grin. "Are they still calling you that? I remember how upset it made you as a child, but now you must be flaming mortified!"

Compounding said flaming mortification, Killua's sudden grin matched her uncle's. "So, what does it mean?"

"It's always been out of affection, you know." Mat spoke musingly to her before giving Killua the answer to the question she wished very much had not been asked. " _Mindeyeniye_ means 'Little Majesty'. She's always been a tiny thing, our Naeva, and always so sensitive about it. Only Borderlanders ever call her that to her face, because she won't tell them off like she would anyone else." He managed to drain the remainder of the tea while everyone else at the table was busy laughing at the joke they now understood, then added, "And I get to call her 'little song', because I'm her favorite uncle. Which I always knew, by the way."


	18. The Circumstances of Departure

Moiraine opened her eyes to stare up at the lacy canopy draping the bed. She stretched, quite contentedly, before rolling over to snuggle nearer to Thom. Then, with the comfort and the warmth of his body close, she closed her eyes again. There was no time for that, but there was never enough time for that and so she just had to do it anyhow. _The Banquet is going to be such an ordeal. I shall have to assign the Mayene party to a new table, after the argument between Galad and Lord Wendlen last night. The First Family can sit with Naeva and her friends. She will hate that, but it would help to know I can rely on her being nearby to placate them. And Deval-_ There was a slight stirring in the corner of her mind, the sensation of her Warder waking from sleep.

Thom shifted, and his hand stroked over her hair. "You feel fretful."

"Deval has been so short-tempered, of late," Moiraine said. The statement wrought a chuckle from Thom, and she smiled to herself as she clarified, "More than usual."

"It _is_ his Wedding. That is a stressful time for a man."

Moiraine lifted her head to blink slowly at him. "I suppose so."

Thom wrapped her in his arms and tugged her easily atop him, framing her face with his hands so he could peer up at her. "Everything will be fine, love."

"Yes, well, we shall see to that." Moiraine pressed her lips to his for a sweet, too-quick kiss, then rolled away to pull herself out of bed. There truly was not enough time. "Duty is heavier than a mountain."

"Death, lighter than a feather." Thom completed the Borderland saying wryly. "Funny, how much heavier these duties are than any in the days when we were actively facing down death."

"Ah, you are only romanticizing." Moiraine shook her head, but the chiding was halfhearted. Faintly, she added, "We are so fortunate, Thom." _We are still here. We can see them both grown, see them to their own happiness, while Lan and Nynaeve will never be able to._ For a long and painful moment, grief took hold of her heart. And then there was reassurance and love in the Warder Bond, flowing through to her with strength enough that she could find her resolve again. From resolve came solace, and at last serenity.

They went about the routine of preparing for the day ahead. Thom left their quarters first, as he took far less time to ready himself. Her husband was responsible for minding the guests. That mainly involved humoring the absurd requests they made, but also foiling plots and diverting enmity. It was a tedious job, but not a difficult one. Well, not for a man like Thom. He was the finest player of _daes dae'mar_ alive, the concise proof of which was the fact that hardly anyone at all knew it. After manipulating a Succession War, engaging in a love affair and subsequent fallout with a Queen, assassinating two Kings, mentoring the Dragon Reborn, and fighting in The Last Battle, who else could have slipped quietly away with a reputation only for being a Master Bard?

The sun was only half-risen when Moiraine set off to be about her own tasks. She went first to coordinate with the Shatayan and Shambayan - the female and male Heads of Household. They informed her that all was well among the servants, with the exception of those who had been under the influence of the Prince of the Ravens all night long. Those, Moiraine had to order be dismissed for the day. They would have headaches to nurse after the drunkenness wore off - as would Mat, in all likelihood. Perhaps she could barter a Healing in exchange for his promise to behave more respectably until the other guests were gone. He was quite a scalawag, Mat, but he never broke a promise.

The Shatayan also made her aware that Naeva was up and about, presently secluding herself in the Servants' Wing. That little tidbit forced Moiraine to make the first adjustment to her planned day, as now there was a wayward princess to fetch. Mayhap that ought have vexed her, and yet she felt more like smiling as she set course for the kitchens. As it happened, the diversion only saved her time. The scalawag prince and the wayward princess had apparently partnered to take over the dining room in the Servants' Wing.

Naeva offered Moiraine a decently abashed smile. "Ah, good morning."

"Morning, it is," Moiraine said. "Although one might not know that, looking at you five. I count four sets of nightclothes and one of ale-soaked formalwear."

Mat shook his head vigorously. "Oosquai, actually. And I only spilled a little, thank you very much."

 _My dear Matrim, I hope you never change._ Moiraine kept her expression blank, even while her heart swelled with fondness. The lot of them had to be prodded in the right direction before anyone else caught them in this state. That thankless task, like so many others, fell to her. A scolding was in order.

* * *

After the scolding from Moiraine, Naeva made a hasty return to her quarters and did a more proper job grooming herself for the day. She then endured a full breakfast in the Dawn Room, wherein she was propositioned by one of the younger Tairen princesses for a game of Stones. That was a miserable notion, because she was just terrible at Stones, but she had smiled and acquiesced and then led the way to the Library to play.

Unexpectedly, the game was not so miserable at all. Killua had become so frustrated at watching her lose that he had swooped in to take her place at the Stones board. Despite that he was still learning the intricacies of the rules, he claimed victory in his second match and went on to trounce the princess twice again. Gon and Alluka played Silver Pips – greatly more fun – while this was going on.

Once the princess had gotten her fill of defeat, Naeva brought her friends to the Palace Gardens. While they spent some joyful time outside among the manicured greenery, Abrim and Mat joined them. Mat looked noticeably more groggy, now he was no longer drunk, but at least he had taken the time to bathe.

That was, unfortunately, when Moiraine arrived with the summons from the King.

Naeva left everyone to enjoy the Gardens and went with Moiraine to meet her brother. She held her hands behind her back and they walked in silence awhile. After emerging from the final stairwell, Naeva ventured a careful inquiry, "How is the King's mood this morning?"

Moiraine pressed her lips into a thin line before answering. "He is tense. There is much preparation to be done for Lady Elysia's introduction at the Banquet tonight."

Naeva nodded her understanding. _H_ _e is always tense. I can do this. Deval and I might well be able to understand each other for the first time in our lives. I can and I will do this._ She did her best to emulate Moiraine's effortless poise as they halted before the doors to the King's Study. Anxiety accelerated her heartbeat to an alarming level and it took all of her willpower to maintain outward calm.

"You have grown up so well, El'Naeva." Moiraine startled her with the impromptu praise. "Your mother would have been proud of you... I am proud of you."

Naeva was not prepared for such a genuine compliment from Moiraine and the responding rush of emotion misted her eyes. Moiraine was her mentor, she had always been the example of perfect serenity that Naeva sought to live up to. Those simple words meant the world _,_ coming from her. Naeva gradually relaxed, but before she could muster a reply the other woman was already gliding away. Only she and her watchful entourage of Guardsmen remained before the imposing doors. _If Moiraine can have such faith in me, I can have faith in myself._ Holding her head high, Naeva walked into the King's Study.

Deval was sitting stiffly in a high-backed chair that faced his lit hearth. He turned only his eyes to observe her as she entered. Eyes just like her own; exactly like their father's. Yet it seemed there was a fervor to him that she did not remember being there before.

Naeva dropped a formal curtsy. "I apologize for any delay, Al'Deval."

He merely waved her over with a large hand and returned his attention to the crackling flames.

Naeva sat hesitantly in the second, far less grand chair beside the fireplace. "I am looking forward to meeting the Lady Elysia toni-"

"I am too busy for small talk," Deval snapped, still refusing to look at her.

"Of course." She repressed a wince at his tone. "Your Majesty, I humbly ask that I be disinherited and stricken from the line of succession."

Deval laughed derisively and her heart sank. "Could you not have done that more easily by staying away? I thought you were dead for the past four years. Why appear again now except to present yourself as a threat to the Throne?"

Naeva had to close her eyes and take up the Void to keep from losing her temper. _Is he really so much colder now? Might this only be an attempt to rattle me?_

"Answer the question!" Deval barked.

She straightened herself instinctively. "If I could have sent word that I was alive, I would have. I was able to come back only by relying on powers that are not mine own. Al'Deval, I have no interest whatsoever in becoming Queen."

"If I issue an edict removing you from the line of succession," Deval went on, "you could later insist that I stole your birthright from you. Many in Malkier would support your claim. You channelers live hundreds of years longer than I can expect to. How could I be certain that you will not return one day to usurp my grandchildren?"

"Do you think so little of me?" Naeva kept her voice even. Outside of her buffer of emptiness, her emotions flew into a frenzy. Deval narrowed his eyes at her furiously and she added, "Your Majesty."

Her brother shifted slightly to study her, hands gripping tight to the armrests of his chair. "I do not know you. I have never truly known you."

Naeva forced some lightness into her tone. "It was my hope that we could remedy that, while I am here. Perhaps not in one sitting, but over the next-"

"I do not trust you!" Deval skewered her with a wrathful glare that cut through the Void and straight to her core. " _Dead_ , Naeva, I thought you were dead _._ And in all this time you have been alive, where were you? You were not here when I had to rebuild Seven Towers and rally Malkier. You were not here to do your duty and repair the damage that _you_ caused to begin with!"

Naeva felt her eyes sting with frustrated tears. The Void was gone, and she fought desperately to maintain her poise without it. "As your sister, I know that I have-"

"You are _no_ sister of mine!" Deval surged up out of his seat to loom over her. "Do not think that you can play on sentiments that I do not have."

Naeva absorbed his rage and was grateful that at least she did not flinch. She remained silent for a long time. Only once Deval snapped his focus back on the fireplace did she feel comfortable enough to try speaking again. "What do you want from me, Your Majesty? If you will not hear-"

"What I want is to mourn the sister that I lost four years ago. That girl is not you _._ Whoever you have become, I wish nothing more than to have you slink away again. In that regard we seem to agree, yet I cannot take such a selfish, dishonorable girl at her word."

Naeva stared into the flames herself, because suddenly there were tears on her cheeks that she needed to keep him from seeing. _Is that how this is going to be? Can I make no peace with him?_ She tried to look at the problem logically. _If_ _I have to do this... There is still a way._ As covertly as was possible, she patted her sleeve over her face to dry it. "Mama kept an Oath Rod in her collection of _ter'angreal_." She could only speak that in a whisper. "Write an Oath that puts your mind at ease. One which secures your legacy without question. I shall swear it, my King."

Briefly, Deval appeared surprised. Then he waved over one of his personal Guardsmen. "Summon Moiraine."

"At once, Your Majesty." The man bowed and hurried off to follow the order.

They sat in extremely uncomfortable silence for minutes that felt like hours before Moiraine came into the room. She curtsied. "How may I be of service, Al'Deval?"

He stood from his chair and fixed her with his imposing gaze. "Are you aware of an Oath Rod in the Palace that belonged to my mother?"

Moiraine went unnaturally still as she gave the answer. "Yes I am, my King."

"Bring it to me now, Moiraine," Deval commanded her, his roughened tone stating clearly that he would tolerate no word of argument.

Face blank, Moiraine spread her skirt in another curtsy before hastening away.

While they waited, Deval went to his desk and began scrawling across parchment with a white feathered quill. He scratched out several versions of what he was writing before bringing the parchment to her.

Naeva read the words over twice, then nodded. She returned her gaze to the flames. _I am truly an enemy to him. A dangerous, unknown entity that he must protect his people from_. The thoughts hurt, but it was a only a faraway ache. She needed to accomplish what she had come here for, and so the time for feeling the hurt would be later. "You can publicly announce whatever you please. Banish me for treason and put out a warrant for my execution should I ever return. That ought settle the matter entirely."

Deval sat back down in his chair, no less stiff-backed than he had originally. "That is the only way this will work. If you own but a shred of honor, you will understand that."

Naeva inclined her head. "May I ask my Guardsmen to find servants to gather my belongings, Your Majesty?"

"You have my permission." Deval waved her off impatiently.

Naeva stood up and went to the door. She pulled it open just as Moiraine came rushing in with the age darkened Oath Rod clutched to her chest. Ignoring her mentor for the moment, she turned to Rem and tried for a smile. It must not have looked convincing, for he frowned at her as she spoke. "Rem, please have my bag repacked with only the possessions I arrived with, as well as the bags of my friends. After you have seen to that I need you to please ask Lord Killua, Lady Alluka, and Lord Gon to await me in the Blue Room. Will you do this for me?"

His frown etched more deeply into the wrinkles of his face, but Rem bowed his head. "At once, my Lady."

Naeva shut the door and turned back around to observe that Moiraine was speaking in a hushed voice to the King. She did not step any nearer to them – he might have accused her of eavesdropping on his council. Instead, she studied the words on the page again. She read them over and over until each word was memorized and she could have seen the penmanship with her eyes closed.

When she looked up, Moiraine was passing the Oath Rod to Deval with plain reluctance. He strode forward immediately to thrust it into her waiting palm. _I am sorry, Deval. It seems that I have worse than disappoint you. This is the price I must pay for choosing the freedom of my new life over the obligations of my birth._

"How do I use this correctly, Moiraine?" Naeva asked. The White Tower had one, but it had not been put to use in many years.

"It is only necessary to hold Saidar while you swear the Oath for it to be binding. You need not channel anything." Moiraine's answer was uncharacteristically shaky.

Naeva pulled Saidar into herself. As she did so, the Oath Rod chilled to ice in her hand. "I swear that I will never again refer to myself as a Mandragoran, nor speak of my Royal birth, nor make any claim to the Throne of Malkier. I swear that I will leave Malkier before the next sunset and that I will never return. I swear I will take no action that I know will directly or indirectly harm the Royal Family or the Kingdom of Malkier." While speaking the words it felt peculiarly as though a shroud was settling over her skin, and when she finished it melted through into her body to nestle within her bones. Involuntarily, she gasped.

After she released the One Power, Moiraine pried the Oath Rod from her tense grip. Naeva's other hand curled into a fist to crumple the parchment upon which Deval had written the oaths. For a second, she looked up and they made eye contact. Before she could identify if he felt any emotion about what had transpired, Deval looked to Moiraine. "Is it done? Have the oaths taken?"

Moiraine merely nodded.

"Before you go," Deval extended his hand toward Naeva without looking at her, "you will return the signet ring."

Naeva glanced down at the gold ring embossed with the Mandragoran crest. _Why did he even give it back to me?_ At the sound of her brother clearing his throat, she yanked it off her finger and dropped it into his palm. In silence, Deval went back to his seat by the fireplace.

Naeva could feel the oath compelling her to move; she had no choice but to turn and go. Once she was in the corridor, she picked up her skirt and started running.

* * *

Killua could not keep himself from pacing the white carpet of the Blue Room. Something had gone wrong. He, Alluka, and Gon had been rounded up and deposited here with their repacked luggage and an order to wait for Naeva. Abrim had followed along – clearly as upset as the rest of them – while Mat had gone off in a furious hustle to discover what had happened.

He heard distant, hurried footfalls growing nearer before Naeva rushed into the room. Moiraine was right on her heels, melodic voice low but urgent. "You must allow me to help you. We still have time to fix this!" She had spots of red high on her pale cheeks.

Naeva looked to be thoroughly ignoring Moiraine. She swept a quick, distracted gaze over the four of them who'd been waiting for her in the room.

"El'Naeva!" Moiraine snapped.

"You must not address me so." Naeva spoke without looking at her.

Moiraine watched Naeva pick her bag up off the floor with something near to fright in her dark eyes. "Do you understand the full weight of what you have done to yourself?"

Finally, Naeva turned and met her gaze. "It was my proposal in the first, Moiraine. I understand very well. The reasons that the Oath Rod is no longer in use are taught to every Novice."

Abrim staggered backward as if someone had struck him. "You swore on an Oath Rod? What have you done? What did you swear?"

"What _is_ an Oath Rod?" Alluka added in what the rest of them were wondering as she leaped up off the couch to go to her best friend.

Naeva offered her a strained smile. "I shall explain everything, I promise, but first we must leave here."

Gon's eyebrows shot up. "We have to leave the Palace? Right now?"

"We must leave Malkier," Naeva corrected.

Moiraine put herself in front of Naeva and grabbed her none too gently by the arms. "You have until sunset, Naeva. Wait right here and allow me some time to speak with Al'Deval – this is not like him."

Naeva shook her head. "I must go now, Moiraine." Her voice was decisive, unyielding. "This is the right thing to do."

"It is nowhere near right! You must remove those oaths!" Moiraine let her grip weaken and dropped her hands. "You may have cut your own lifespan in _half_."

Naeva only stared at her. "Yes, I am aware."

 _I couldn't have heard that correctly. Half of her life?_ Killua could take no more, but neither did he find himself able to speak. _What can I say? I have no idea what's going on, and she's already refused to tell even Alluka anything until we leave._

Abrim went to Naeva next. He did so very cautiously, as though fearful she might lash out at him. "Where are you planning to go?"

She frowned, appearing to consider that for the first time. Then she shrugged. "I do not care. Anywhere will do, so long as it is not Malkier."

Abrim released his held breath. "There's a place I know... it's secluded, and quiet. We can go together, all of us. I've no wish to remain here if you're leaving."

Naeva's eyes flicked to Gon, then Alluka, and then landed on Killua. She appeared to be deliberating. After a moment, she gave Abrim a nod of assent. "Only if we go right this moment." Naeva turned and went to the window to set her palm upon the blue glass and stare outward. Killua approached, and when he put a hand on her shoulder she leaned into his touch but did not look up. Her expressionless facade slipped, became mournful, and then was firmly back in place.

The familiar sound of a Gateway slicing the air made Killua look around. Abrim had created a portal to wherever he was planning for them to go. Naeva put her hand over his just briefly before turning to bolt through the Gateway.

Moiraine slumped down onto the couch and stared through after her. Killua grabbed up his and Alluka's bags, then took his sister by the hand to follow after Naeva. Gon and Abrim were a step behind with the rest of the luggage, and then the portal to the Blue Room disappeared.

They'd arrived in a small clearing surrounded by thick forest. The air smelled cleaner than any he'd ever breathed before. A tidy looking log cabin stood beside a lily pad covered pond. Birds and crickets chirped around them. It was an idyllic scene.

Naeva had seated herself in the grass beside the shore of the pond. "I did only what needed to be done." She spoke faintly, but her voice carried on the breeze.

Alluka gave his hand a squeeze, aiming a pleading glance up at him. Killua dropped their bags to the ground and moved to sit beside Naeva. He leaned back on his palms in the cool grass and she didn't shift her gaze from the water.

"You should start from the beginning," Killua told her, more patience in his tone than he'd have guessed he was currently capable of.

Alluka sat down on Naeva's other side and leaned against her shoulder. Gon sat down as well, but Abrim curiously did not. He lingered a small distance away, by the edge of the cabin.

Naeva uncurled her left fist to reveal a crumpled piece of parchment and, slowly, smoothed it out over her knee. "The King believes me a threat to the stability of Malkier. Banishment was... the most reasonable option, for him." At Alluka's small noise of compassion, Naeva shook her head. "As I am leaving this world forever, it matters little in the end whether I depart on good terms or bad."

"And the bloody Oath Rod?" Abrim spoke suddenly from behind them. "Why was it necessary to go to such an extreme?"

Naeva continued to stare over the placid water. "That was the last kindness I could have done for the King. "

Killua heaved out a breath. "What _is_ this Oath Rod thing, and why does it upset everyone except for you?"

At the question, Naeva finally glanced over to him. "Whatever a channeler swears to while holding an Oath Rod becomes an unbreakable commandment. The reason for the fear – the reason it is regarded as a barbaric device – is that it can be used to bind a person to anything, even against their own will."

"That's not all!" Abrim snapped. "The White Tower stopped using their Oath Rod when they discovered that it was stealing years from the lives of their Aes Sedai. It probably has other detrimental effects that haven't been discovered! Blood and ashes, Naeva, how could you damage yourself like that?"

Killua felt a stab of unease. _Moiraine said that, too. Half of her lifespan?_

Alluka put her hand on her best friend's arm. "Naeva-chan," she began, voice a little choked, "is that true?"

Naeva placed her own hand over Alluka's. "Yes, although I am not nearly as distressed about it as everyone seems to think I should be. Channelers live for a very long time. The stronger the channeler, the more years of life they can expect to have." She turned her head to narrow her eyes at Abrim. "You make it sound very terrible, cos, but I would consider it nearly a blessing. I would have lived seven or eight centuries, perhaps. Shortening that does not trouble me in the slightest, nor should it trouble anyone else."

There was nothing Killua could think of to say to that. Nen users had been known to have very long lives – hell, his own great-great-grandfather was still quite lively – but Naeva had never shared that information about channelers before. His sister looked similarly dazed. Gon was staring down at the ground with a tight, pallid expression. From far beneath his reeling thoughts another – perhaps more important – question occurred to him. "Naeva, what kind of oath did you swear?"

Naeva glanced at him and passed over the parchment in her hands. "Three oaths, in fact."

Killua read over it once silently, very careful not to display any reaction. Then he cleared his throat and read aloud for the benefit of the others, "I swear that I will never again refer to myself as a Mandragoran, nor speak of my royal birth, nor make any claim to the Throne of Malkier. I swear that I will leave Malkier before the next sunset and that I will never return. I swear I will never take action that I know will directly or indirectly harm the Royal Family or the Kingdom of Malkier." His hand clenched, crushing the already wrinkled and ink smeared parchment. "You're telling me that your brother wrote this crap? And he made you swear to it?"

"The King wishes to protect his family and legacy. I have no place in either, save as a girl long dead." Naeva spoke only lightly, but then some of her poise crumbled to sorrow and she squeezed her eyes shut.

Killua jumped to his feet and started pacing again. He had to do something with the frustration that had him so tense, and even the useless motion was better than nothing. Gon glanced at him worriedly.

Abrim was visibly struggling with his own anger. "This should never have happened."

Naeva offered Abrim a tiny smile – little more than a brief quirk of her lips. "You are not omniscient, Abe. And-" Her voice broke. "-the Wheel weaves as the Wheel wills."

Her cousin hastily averted his gaze, but said nothing.

Alluka rested her head against Naeva's shoulder and put an arm around her. "I'm so sorry."

"It is not so bad." Naeva stroked a hand over Alluka's hair in a soothing manner. "In truth, I suppose it is easier this way."

Killua rolled the parchment between his palms and chucked it into the pond. It absorbed the clear water and sank quickly.

Naeva stood and brushed down her skirt. She stopped his pacing by grabbing his wrist. "What more proof could I have asked for that this is not the place I belong? When Nanika wakes up and we are able to return, I will know without doubt that I am going home."

"Damn right you are. This place is just so..." Killua let the snarling sentence go unfinished.

Gon stood and helped Alluka up beside him. He summoned a smile for Naeva. "It'll be okay. Your brother- well, I've been trying not to say it, but he's kind of an asshole."

Alluka nodded. "Family isn't so much to do with where you're born, I think. You're as close as any sister could be to me." She put her arms around her and Naeva released him to return the embrace.

When she stepped back, Naeva arched an eyebrow at her cousin. "Where are we, Abe?"

Abrim seemed to have lost his fury. He watched her with soft concern. "Ah, I've brought us to the Two Rivers. My Grandda built this cabin as a hunting retreat. I just thought you might appreciate... a more quiet place, you know? No one would bother you out here."

Naeva turned a slow circle, dragging her gaze over the darkening forest. Although it had been still before midday in Malkier, the sun was in its afternoon descent here. They had traveled a long way in that single step through the Gateway.

"I should go off to Emond's Field and gather some supplies," Abrim suggested. With a timid smile, he added, "You won't disappear while I'm gone, right?"

Naeva nodded absently. Her cousin sighed, created another Gateway, and then went on through.


	19. When a Dream Is Too Real

Naeva ambled along a whitebrick walkway that glittered beneath her feet with every step. She was surrounded by lofty buildings. Each was an architectural wonder, too beautiful and delicate for her to fathom how they might have been constructed. The spiraling tops of the colorful towers extended far into the clouds above, and if she strained her eyes she could just make out terribly high spans of silver creating a lacy network between buildings. _Are those pathways? Could people really feel comfortable walking so high up in the air on such fragile looking paths?_

Naeva glanced around in confusion, realizing then how odd it was for there to be no one else on the streets of this gleaming city. "Hello?" She shouted, cupping her hands around her mouth to amplify her voice. "Is anyone here?"

 _How could such a lovely place be deserted? Am I truly all alone?_ Out of the corner of her eye, Naeva thought she saw a blur of red. She turned immediately to chase after it.

"Wait! Please, wait!" She cried out. The thought of being in this strange place by herself was suddenly unbearable. Her echoing footfalls carried her off of the glittering walkway and into the shadows between buildings. There, she came to a stumbling stop. _Why can I not remember how I came to this place? Why... I cannot even remember where I should be, or where I came from!_ Fear clawed around her heart and Naeva spun about to race back. The city was nowhere to be seen now.

"Are you alright, my Lady?"

Naeva whirled around again to see a tall, handsome man in a regal red cloak. He had fair skin and long, sandy hair which he wore pulled elegantly back and secured at the nape of his neck. By his face, she might have guessed him to be ten or fifteen years older than herself, but there was a sense of age old knowledge within his black eyes. Perhaps he was an Asha'man. If so, he could surely help her. "I believe that I may be lost. What is this place?"

The man stepped closer and she could not seem to pry her gaze from his own. _He has the darkest eyes I have ever seen. Beautiful, and yet... those eyes frighten me._

Intuition screamed at her to run, but her feet would not obey.

The man approached until they were nearly standing toe to toe. His smile was very warm. _Why was I so afraid?_ She could no longer remember. _This man cannot be a threat._

He pulled the feather adorned black hat from his head and held it respectfully to his chest. "We are sharing a dream, my Lady." She could hear truth in his words, impossible as they seemed. The hat winked out of existence only to reappear atop his hair again.

"Who are you?" Naeva asked. "Do you know me?" The way he was looking at her certainly seemed to suggest that.

The man laughed, the sound rich with affection. "We know each other very well, you and I."

She searched his face desperately, but could not recognize him in the slightest. He lifted one hand to her cheek and curled his other around her waist. Alarm rose within her again and just as quickly vanished. _Who is this man?_ "I do not know you." _Why do I feel so reluctant to say that?_

His expression became saddened. "You do, you only need to remember."

"You are mistaken. I do _not_ know you," Naeva insisted.

He sighed, with just a trace of impatience. "Your eyes simply do not recognize this form."

Naeva frowned, and he smoothed the confusion from her expression with a gentle caress. "Who are you?"

The man shrugged. "I have known a great many names. But for you, my Lady, I would ask that you call me Elan."

"Elan..." Naeva tested it on her tongue before shaking her head. "That name is unfamiliar to me."

He did not respond right away, but focused his gaze on hers more intently. Those black eyes widened and held her transfixed. The doubts she had been feeling were pushed to the far reaches of her mind. Elan began to speak lowly. "Unfamiliar?" He laughed. "I could wish now that I had secured you from the moment I felt you be reborn. It seemed a kindness to allow you a proper family, to wait until you were older – a foolish kindness, in hindsight. You have always been mine and there would have been no harm in raising you with that knowledge."

"What?" Her thought process was working too slowly. Naeva could hardly keep up with him, let alone give proper heed to her distant suspicions. "This is all nonsense." _Yes, it is nonsense. Why am I listening to this?_

Elan shook his head. "It is not necessary for you to fully understand, not yet. What matters is that we have been reunited at last."

Naeva took a small step backward – so small, and yet it required so much effort that her head spun. She ground her teeth together. "Do _not_ touch me. I- I am going to go, now." _I have to get away. Right this second, I have to get away!_ One more tiny step back that made her head throb and his hands finally fell away. Naeva pivoted on the ball of one foot to turn and run – back to that strange city, perhaps. Anywhere would be safer than remaining near this man; she knew that if she knew nothing else.

An impervious grip closed around her arm to spin her back around and a gasp worked its way free of her throat. She was caught and held in Elan's embrace. Naeva screamed, and he choked the noise off by squeezing tighter.

"I want nothing less than to become angry with you." His lips stretched into a thin, unamused line. He bent his head to whisper against her ear and she trembled at the feel of his breath. "Do not be afraid of me, please. You need never be afraid of me."

Elan smiled, quite sweetly, before he bent his neck and brushed his lips across her own. The kiss was icily cold, like his hands. That had been bothering her, she realized. _This is very wrong. This is dangerous!_ Naeva shoved against him, but his arms around her were firm as steel and the kiss continued, unrelenting. She began trembling, her heart beating too quickly. _I cannot channel. Why can I not sense Saidar?_ Where she should have felt the glow of the True Source in her senses, there was only nothingness.

After what felt an eternity, Elan broke away to rest his brow atop the crown of her head. He ran his hand through her hair. "I love you, my Lady."

Again, Naeva willed herself to flee and remained frozen to the spot. The fingers in her hair twisted to the point of pain and a dagger appeared in Elan's opposite hand. He did not pull it from anywhere, it simply appeared. There was a spark of glee in his eyes just before he sawed through the lock of hair he held, and the remainder fell loose to flutter beside her ear.

"So that you will remember me this time," Elan said. Once more he bent his head, and he pressed a kiss to her cheek before whispering, "I shall visit you every night until you are ready to join me, darling."

Naeva's vision seemed to fail her all at once. Everything was darkness.

"-ake up, please!"

Her eyelids felt very heavy, but Naeva wrenched them open. At first it was too dark to see anything, and then Alluka's concerned face came into focus. "I am awake." Her pulse was still racing. _Was it only a dream? I have never had such a strange dream before._

"Are you okay?" Alluka blinked, gaze tremulous with concern.

"Of course I am," Naeva murmured. "It was only a nightmare." _And it is already fading, thank the Light!_

Alluka shook her head. "But I couldn't wake you up! You were whimpering and twitching and I was so worried. Even Onii-chan yelling at you didn't work."

Naeva was made uncomfortably aware that Killua, Gon, and Abrim were also kneeling beside her. "I am sorry that I disturbed everyone."

Gon's brows lowered to a very considerate look. "We were worried."

Killua reached toward her with some hesitation, then brushed the back of his hand against the hair at the side of her face. "What happened to your hair?"

She clapped a hand to her head and felt the lock of hair that had been cut short. The images and sensations that had been sliding away as her conscious mind dismissed them came crashing back to prominence. _But that is not possible. It cannot be possible!_

Breathing shallow, rapid breaths, Naeva scrambled to her feet and ran to the dusty mirror on the cabin wall. Even in the darkness, she could see the neatly severed lock of hair beside her ear. "Oh, Light help me. It was real?" She felt numbed by the revelation. " _He_ was real, so-" _He really touched me._ The memory of that frozen kiss was overwhelming.

"Naeva?" Abrim laid a hand upon her back and she whirled to him.

"Abe, get me your sword." Naeva tried to temper the fright in her voice and failed. "Or even a kitchen knife, cos, anything!"

"I don't understand. Why?" Abrim's dark eyes were almost regretful.

Naeva spun away from him. She began tugging open the wooden drawers beneath the counter top until one rattled with the sound of steel cutlery. One of her hands swept her hair back over her shoulders while the other seized hold of a sharp enough looking filet knife.

She had the blade only halfway raised when Killua was suddenly there, his hand on her wrist to halt the motion. "What the hell are you doing?" He fixed her with a bewildered look.

"Cutting it all off." Naeva relaxed her grip on the knife only slightly. "I can-" _I can still feel him touching me. Burn it all! It feels like he is still running his cold fingers through my hair. That man- his name, what was it? Elan! Elan... have I heard that name somewhere before?_

The confusion on Killua's face only grew more pronounced. Very slowly, he pried her grip loose and took the knife into his own hand.

"You do it, then!" Naeva snapped, pulling her hair up off of her neck and holding it in a shaky hand. Her words were a desperate plea. "Just cut it all off. _Please,_ Killua."

"Naeva-chan..." Alluka had no more than said her name when Naeva heard – rather than saw – the knife slice through her hair.

Killua had done it in a single, smooth movement and he promptly returned the knife to the drawer. Her hair fell freely, lighter than she had ever felt it, to curl just beneath her cheekbones. Killua fixed her with a wary look. "There. Now will you calm down?"

"Yes." Naeva breathed, willing her uneven heart rate to settle back to a normal rhythm. With a glance downward, she turned the fallen tendrils of hair to ash and immediately felt better. "Thank you. Blood and ashes, I..."

Gon frowned. He looked deeply unsettled. "What kind of nightmare does something like that?"

"Not an ordinary nightmare." Naeva shook her head. "It had to have been _tel'aran'rhiod_ , the World of Dreams. I have never... but, what happens there is real." She lifted trembling fingers partway to her lips and then dropped her hand hastily. "I need fresh air." She ran from the stuffy cabin and into the cool night. The gooseflesh that rose on her skin reminded her that she was only in her smallclothes and a silk shift. Her neck was very cold without the usual warmth of her hair upon it; that would take some getting used to. She was debating going back to the cabin for her discarded blanket when a heavy cloak was draped across her shoulders.

Killua reached around her to fasten the pin that would keep the cloak closed. He did not say anything, and she was profoundly grateful for the moment of silence to collect herself.

Eyes on the horizon, Naeva could see a beginning lightness in the sky above the trees to the east. _Dawn is not far off._ "Truly, it should be impossible." She found herself speaking quietly, pensively. "How could I have been pulled into the World of Dreams?" Her thoughts were unscrambling, becoming clearer as she put the words together. "I have set wards to protect my dreams every single night since my mother taught me how. It should _not_ have been possible. And, Elan... he wanted me to call him Elan. He wanted me to- to remember him."

Killua curled a hand over her shoulder and she turned around to face him. "You're not making much sense." He looked tense. "Are you saying that you were attacked in your sleep? In a dream?"

 _Attacked?_ Naeva's stomach swam with nausea and she fought it down. "There are those who know how to do such. But to have broken through my wards... perhaps he is very Talented. I could hardly even-" _Elan!_ The answer that her mind had been grasping for came clear. _Elan Morin Tedronai! The philosopher from the Age of Legends who became-_ "Ishamael." Her veins may as well have been pumping ice water for the sudden chill that coursed through her. "It was Ishamael."

Abrim, standing behind Killua, gasped. "But that's impossible! Ishamael was killed by the Dragon Reborn. Really, you must not be thinking straight."

Naeva regarded her cousin. Her thoughts were occupied, stirring up all the knowledge she had of the most powerful Forsaken. "Ishamael is _Nae'blis_. He was never bound by the seal on the Pit of Doom. The Dark One has resurrected him time and time again, and-" She frowned, sharpening her focus on her cousin's eyes. "You know that as well as I do."

Abrim shook his head with a grimace. "I have little interest in studying the Forsaken."

"No, that-" Naeva bit down on the words she had nearly said. _That is not right. Everyone knows about Ishamael. Farm girls and thatchers are taught about his touch on the world. Abrim is a fully trained Asha'man! He cannot be that naive! Might he- oh, but no. Not Abe, he would never... but what if he has?_ Hardening her heart, Naeva forced a sigh and a tremulous smile. "Mayhap you are right. Could it have been only a nightmare?" _The sudden headache. Light, the Healing!_

Abrim smiled back at her. "It was terrible to see you so frightened, cos, but we all have bad dreams from time to time."

Killua's brows twitched together as he glanced between she and Abrim. He opened his mouth to say something.

Naeva grabbed one of his hands in her own and cut off whatever he might have said by speaking quickly. "I had a very stressful day, and so it is no wonder that I might conjure a nightmare for myself." Behind Abrim stood Alluka and Gon. She needed them to be behind her, instead. "Abe, is there any tea in the cabin that might help me to relax?"

Abrim nodded with plain relief. "There is. I think that would probably do us all some good."

Naeva kept her eyes on him until he was inside the cabin. Then she took a few steps forward and drew on Saidar. The One Power filled her, invigorated her, honed every sense to acuity. Her cousin would feel that himself, of course. Male channelers had the benefit of being able to tell when a female nearby was holding the Power. A pity for him that he was not on her level. The instant Abrim's form reappeared in the doorway – holding his sword, no less – she hit him with a prepared Shield. He grunted and dropped to his knees, the unsheathed blade toppling from his slack hand. Had she been any less upset, she would have been surprised by how easy it was for her to slide the barrier between he and his connection to Saidin.

"Abe...?" A bite of cold stung her cheeks and Naeva realized they were wet with tears. "What have you done?"

Abrim stared at her like he was staring down his own imminent death, and her slim hopes that she might be wrong dwindled. "What are you talking about? Naeva, listen, you must listen to me. Whatever it is that you're thinking, you're wrong."

"What's going on?" Alluka asked. As she moved to step up beside her Naeva put out an arm.

"You must keep back from him. My cousin is doing the bidding of one of the Forsaken." Speaking the accusation aloud provoked a hollow pain in her chest. "He has deceived and betrayed us."

"I would _never_ betray you!" Abrim shouted. "You just don't understand, p-please, let me explain everything!" he begged her, eyes wild.

Naeva pulled more deeply on Saidar and wished that she had her mother's bracelet _angreal_ with her to hold even more. "I could almost believe you are merely being Compelled... almost." She held him still with flows of Air and put a hand on his forehead. With a fine weave of Spirit she Delved his mind and felt for any sign that he had been forcibly corrupted. The tears started falling even more freely when she found nothing. Naeva jerked her hand back from him. "What have you done, Abrim Cauthon?" She repeated the question in a dull monotone.

"He knew that you were still alive! He even knew you were in a Mirror World!" Abrim could only move his head, and he thrashed it about violently. "Moghedien, she was only supposed to make you pliable. She was going to hand you over, and it's _her_ fault everything went wrong! Ishamael isn't going to hurt you! I would never have helped him if- if he..." He sagged and gave up on his excuses, perhaps because she had not shifted her pitiless expression.

"You are a servant of Shadow. All of this time you have been a Darkfriend, a Dreadlord." Naeva spoke the words with a shudder of revulsion.

"But he doesn't mean you any harm." Abrim's voice was both zealous and devoid of hope. "Ishamael is going to make you more powerful. He promised to make both of us more powerful. We can have honored positions serving the Great Lord. We can- we can even be immortals together."

Naeva turned her back on him and then had to ignore the responding sound of his wretched sobs. Alluka was staring at Abrim in complete shock. Killua and Gon looked much the same, if also liberally furious. Naeva worked to sound reassuring, for their sakes. "We must bring him to the Black Tower – that is all we can do. The M'Hael will pass judgment."

Killua shook his head, eyes glinting in a dangerous way. "We should take the opportunity to question him first."

Naeva faltered, hands clenching around the fabric of the cloak. "He will give us nothing worthwhile."

"He will if we ask in the right way." Killua stepped toward Abrim. 

From behind, she heard her cousin whimper openly with despair.

"I cannot," Naeva said weakly. "I cannot do that." When Killua took another step she reached to grab hold of his arm. "And I will not allow you to do it, either."

Killua's hostile expression became torn. He glared even more menacingly at Abrim before turning his face away.

Gon had not calmed in the slightest at her words. "Killua's right." His posture quivered with rage. "If this Forsaken is behind everything _,_ if it's Ishamael... we should know whatever he knows. You should just let us take care of this, Naeva." He stalked forward.

Killua was standing in front of his best friend before she had even seen him move. He put his hands on Gon's shoulders to stop him. "No, wait. We'll get better answers and more time to understand them if we go to the Black Tower."

"Damn it, Killua!" Gon's eyes narrowed further and he pointed a shaky finger at Abrim. "He's from the Black Tower! What are we supposed to do if there are more Darkfriends hiding there?"

Killua's expression tightened. "We'll do whatever we have to do. I don't know that we can stave off a threat like Ishamael without help. Naeva trusts Logain."

"She trusted him, too!" Gon bellowed. "Everything we've tried to do in this world has gone wrong, and I can't just keep taking it! I won't!"

By the look of turmoil on Killua's face, Gon was close to convincing him to change his mind again. Then Alluka wrapped her hands around one of Gon's and he looked to her, shaking his head in a silent plea.

"Gon-kun," Alluka began softly, "please calm down. If you'll calm down, we can talk about it and make the right decision together." She tightened her hold on his hand and her blue eyes hardened with determination. "If you _don't_ calm down, Naeva is just going to hold you back with Air anyway."

Gon struggled for a long moment, but at last his shoulders slumped and he closed his eyes.

Killua took a single pace backward and Naeva found herself the focus of his piercing gaze. "Let me question him. I won't..." He shifted in discomfort. "I won't kill him."

Naeva turned back to Abrim and studied him awhile. He looked small, weak, and frightened. _What if I do not want to hear what he has to say?_ It was a cowardly thought. She licked her lips. When she gave in and nodded her head, she watched as the blood drained from Abrim's face.

* * *

Once Naeva had given the go-ahead, Killua turned to Gon. "Will you wait with Alluka inside the cabin?"

Gon frowned, looking from him to Abrim and then to Alluka. He sighed, obviously frustrated, but he nodded agreement.

Alluka stiffened in outrage. "Onii-chan, no way! I deserve to know what's going on!"

Gon put a hand on her back. "So do I, Alluka, but not everything that- that this _Darkfriend_ says is going to be important. Some of it might be misleading, or cruel, or plain evil. Killua just wants to spare you having to listen through that."

Killua offered Gon a grateful smile before turning to his sister. "Please trust me to do this. I'll tell you everything important when it's done."

Naeva stepped up to Alluka. She might have been trying to appear encouraging, but her voice was reed thin. "I plan on all of us leaving together as soon as possible, and we... we will all be safer once we reach Logain."

Alluka threw her arms around Naeva and pressed her face into her shoulder. "I never took you as s-seriously as I should have!" Her voice broke with a sob. "When you said that your world was dangerous for you, I- I should have listened better."

"Shh, now. Everything will be okay, Alluka-chan." Naeva hugged her back tightly. "We can handle anything together, yes? We shall handle this."

Alluka appeared no less upset, but she let Gon lead her around the immobilized Darkfriend and into the cabin.

When the door was firmly closed, Naeva said, "I have warded the cabin. It is quite sealed, and no outside noises shall be heard from within."

"I see." Killua replied easily, flexing the fingers of his hands into points.

Abrim sneered. "Why should I be afraid of you?" He laughed. "You must know that Ishamael will tear you to pieces! You can't even channel!"

 _Stupid of him to assume that means anything._ Killua let himself fall back on the years of torturous training. He honed his body to complete control and shot Abrim his most dangerous smile. The Darkfriend flinched. Killua didn't need to be able to see himself to know that his eyes were dark with malice. He let electricity crackle around his body – just a small amount, just what he could create on his own without draining from what he'd charged his aura with. It was going to be a long time before he saw the next electrical outlet.

Abrim thrashed uselessly against the restraint of Naeva's air. "I- that isn't- but you can't channel!"

Killua approached like a predator and made arcs of lightning dance across his fingers. Then he knelt and let the smile vanish from his face. The amount of bloodlust in his aura was palpable, even if the Darkfriend didn't understand what he was feeling. "You have _no_ idea what I can do." He leaned forward to whisper into Abrim's ear. "I only told her I wouldn't kill you. I'm more than quick enough to sever limbs and cauterize the wounds before you lose even a drop of blood, and I'm angry enough that I don't care if that upsets Naeva." He sat back on his heels with a ruthless grin and was satisfied by the mortal terror he saw in Abrim's expression. "I suggest you answer my every question truthfully, and without delay. Do you understand me, Darkfriend?"

Slowly, Abrim nodded.

 _Good. Now, to start..._ "The headache Naeva had at breakfast was caused by you, am I right?" The incident had been suspicious even at the time. Abrim had been rising from his chair before Killua himself had even caught Naeva. That reaction was just too quick – nobody else had yet done more than gape. If only he'd listened to his intuition and refused to allow Abrim to touch her, this all might have been preventable.

Abrim looked away, to Naeva, and guilt twisted his expression. "It was me."

Killua let his aura flare, electricity sparking ominously. "Did you do something to her when you Healed her?"

"I- I did." Abrim sobbed. "I used a weave that Ishamael taught me. He ordered me to! It isn't meant to hurt her."

 _Ishamael. Naeva called him the most powerful of the Forsaken. And that story about Hawkwing... Ishamael is devious._ "This weave does what, precisely?"

Abrim flailed his neck and turned almost purple with the effort of his defiance. "You won't be able to stop him! Nobody ever stops him!"

 _So he is going to resist? Good, I can vent some of this anger._ Killua sighed, putting the sound of regret that he didn't feel into it. "Naeva, will you allow him to move freely for me?" _Please don't argue. This act will work so much better if you don't._

Her gaze flicked between he and her cousin. Naeva took a few steps backward and pursed her lips. "On the count of three, then." Her voice was nonchalant, worry free. "One, two, three."

Abrim collapsed to the ground in a heap. Then he lunged, but Killua dodged the clumsy attack with a bored look. The Darkfriend landed hard in the empty space where he'd been standing.

Killua retrieved the sword from the ground and tossed it at him. "Pick it up," he said. "I want to see you try as hard as you can to kill me with it."

Abrim glowered as he pushed himself up off the ground. He grabbed the sword and fell into a confident looking stance as he stood. "So you're _fast._ " He spat onto the ground. "All I have to do is run you through." With a snarl, Abrim twirled the sword in his hands and then ran at him.

Killua made a deliberate show of just barely dodging every thrust until Abrim started to lose energy. The Darkfriend wasn't unskilled – he may as well have been moving in slow motion, but it was a surprisingly long while before those movements grew predictable. Abrim started to sweat and he panted with exertion as he tried to push himself faster and faster. Eventually, he stumbled over his own feet and toppled to the ground. Killua was instantly behind him, clicking his tongue with dissatisfaction. "You're not even good enough to be entertaining."

From his knees, Abrim pivoted and swung. The sword flashed, a whisper of steel upon the air, but it had no chance of striking its target. Killua grabbed Abrim's arm mid swing and plucked the sword from his grip. He tossed the Darkfriend aside and threw the sword in the opposite direction with such force that it buried itself in a tree. Abrim had only just hit the ground when Killua seized him by the back of his collar and threw him high into the air. He tensed to jump up himself, meeting Abrim's terrified gaze just as he reached an apex fifty feet up. That tiny instant dragged into an eternity, and then the Darkfriend plummeted. The scream that tore from his lungs couldn't keep up with the speed of his descent.

Killua caught Abrim neatly out of the air. As they landed, he locked an arm around his neck and squeezed. The Darkfriend struggled uselessly for a few seconds and then, at last, the fight drained from him. "This is pathetic." Killua released Abrim and he fell to his knees, hacking and gasping for air. "How strong can Ishamael really be if _you're_ the toughest mutt he has to send at us?"

"You're ignorant." Abrim glared up at him, still panting. "Ishamael is- he's stronger than _anyone_." The fervency of his voice faded to dismay. "There's no way- it won't matter how fast you are. He'll kill you on sight."

Killua crouched to regard Abrim face-to-face. "Tell me the purpose of the weave you placed in Naeva's mind."

"Ishamael called it a monitor web. He can use it to bypass her mental warding, just like he did tonight." Abrim spilled his admission bitterly. "Maybe for other things, too. I don't really know."

Killua nodded as if that had been what he was expecting. "Can it be removed?"

Abrim winced. "It's not impossible, but there are no Healers skilled enough to remove a weave like that without doing permanent damage to her mind."

Killua glanced over his shoulder at Naeva. "Is that true?"

Naeva pulled his cloak more tightly around herself. "Many have tried and failed at unraveling complex weaves in the brain. Only my mother ever succeeded, and no one living can equal the skill with Healing that she had. Abrim..." Unease slipped into her voice. "Did you do something to Al'Deval?"

The Darkfriend's lips stretched into a sadistic smile. "Deval only required a tiny crack of Compulsion to become convinced that he should banish you. Those Oaths you swore, however... that wasn't my intention. Ishamael isn't going to be pleased about that."

Killua frowned. _Compulsion. There's another chilling thought._ "Where is Ishamael?"

"I don't know!" Abrim wailed. "I've never even met him in the same place twice! He's more careful than you could ever understand!"

"And he knows that we're here, right? Because you told him this is where you would bring us." Killua's fingers were practically itching to lash out and draw blood. That wasn't an impulse he was comfortable with right now. _I have to be as calm about this as I can._

"Yes." Abrim managed the single word before he began weeping again. "Yes, I t-told him."

Killua stayed silent for a number of seconds, watching as sick anticipation built in Abrim's expression. When he asked his next question, his voice was laced with deliberate threat. "What exactly does Ishamael want with Naeva?"

"He doesn't want to hurt her. That's all I r-really know. You must believe that." Abrim darted a glance toward Naeva. "She's a powerful Aes Sedai. The Great Lord probably wants a strong new Chosen."

"Chosen?" Killua narrowed his eyes at the unfamiliar term.

" _Forsaken –_ that's what those who serve the Light call the Great Lord of the Dark's most favored subjects." Abrim managed some vitriol, despite his ceaseless tears. "She'd be Chosen, I'm sure of it."

 _So Ishamael wants Naeva as a new Forsaken?_ Killua considered it for a pensive moment. _No, that can't be the whole truth – not if he's been chasing her since she was a kid, not if he's so desperate to_ _have_ _her and not hurt_ _her._ "Is he going to show up here to try taking her?"

Abrim's lips pressed together and he looked violently sick, but he shook his head. When Killua glared harder at him, he gasped for breath and answered audibly. "How many times to I have to tell you that Ishamael is careful!" He grabbed at fistfuls of his hair. "A few days. Just a few dreams. I was only supposed to keep her here until she was ready. And now I've _failed._ "

"Ishamael will know of Abrim's failure." Naeva spoke up. When he looked to her she had her eyes planted on the sky. "Crows. Carrion creatures are spies for the Shadow. Ishamael will know soon, if he does not already."

 _We have to go right away. Or... should we wait? Can we be prepared enough? If Ishamael himself- no. He'd be stupid to come himself when he has armies of creatures and pawns like Abrim._ Killua choked down his frustration. _We have to leave. It's just too dangerous to stay._ "Are there other Darkfriends like you in the Black Tower?"

"You bloody fool." Abrim began laughing as he cried. "Of course there are! None of you will be safe anywhere! Ishamael will get what he wants."

Killua wanted to strike out at him again, but held willfully still. "What about your M'Hael, Logain?"

"The M'Hael is an enemy of the Shadow," Abrim said. "A pathetic enemy. In the end, he and you and all the rest won't matter. The Great Lord will take the world and his Chosen will rule everything." He turned a suddenly pleading gaze to Naeva. "It'll be so painful if he has to turn you by force. I've seen it done." He started to beg. "Please, Naeva, _please_ listen to me. We can go to him together! It won't be-"

Killua stepped smoothly to cut off Abrim's line of sight and glared down at him. "You're talking to me, and you'll keep your damn mouth shut except for answering my questions." He glanced backward again. "Naeva, will you take away his hearing for a minute?"

She nodded once. "Done."

Killua turned on his heel to regard her. "We need to get out of here. Is there anything else I should ask him, first?"

"I believe we have learned what we can from him."

Killua approached her, but she only fastened her eyes on his after he put a hand lightly on her shoulder. Then, her cool demeanor slipped away. The fright that replaced it was unbearable to see. "Are you going to be alright?"

"I do not know." Naeva shivered and adjusted the cloak again. "Just a few dreams? Ishamael thinks he can have me _pliable_ in just-"

"He won't," Killua interrupted. He brushed back some of the short hair that the breeze had blown forward in front of her eyes. "Let's go, okay? Logain might have a better-"

Naeva's attention snapped to the treeline and his attempted assurances died in his throat. "Shadowspawn! Too quickly- they must have been-" Her pale eyes blazed with sudden fury. "He sent Shadowspawn."

Before Killua could do more than open his mouth to ask for clarification, he caught sight of a strangely tangible patch of darkness. In the shadow of one of the tall trees it twisted, shifted, and then pulled itself away entirely. The shadow materialized, became a tall man covered by a ragged black cloak. Despite the breeze blowing through the clearing and rustling the trees, the man's cloak hung motionless.

 _It's a Myrddraal._ The realization had only just struck him when the creature's head was ripped off unceremoniously by nothing he could see – which meant something Naeva had done. The neck spewed a shower of black blood. As the head rolled across the ground, he caught every disturbing detail in a slow moment. That face might've been crafted of white wax, if by a sculptor with a sick imagination. There was only smooth, tightly stretched skin where a human's eyes should have been. _One of these things-_ He forced himself to stay grounded as wrath threatened to overtake his sense.

"Get back, Killua!" Naeva called out sharply. Against her own advice, she stepped closer to the trees and eight lines of silver split the air in front of them. Foggy portals that were _almost_ like Gateways opened. Instead of rectangles, each formed into a spindly, pointed shape similar to a pinwheel. And then they started spinning, faster every rotation. He remembered Naeva's perpetual warnings that the edges of a Gateway would cut anything.

In the very next moment, beastly howls echoed from the forest. Other dark shadows were beginning to take solid form beside the trees. Each Myrddraal was near identical to the first. A charge of gruesome half-human, half-animal shapes came surging forward. Those twisting portals whirled around the cabin in a perimeter, and where they encountered the creatures flesh was torn and limbs were severed. Those lucky enough to slip through promptly exploded in a puff of red mist, shattered black mail, and flying fur or feathers. Thin tendrils of red fire darted to pick out single targets and tear through them.

Killua dragged Abrim – who was a writhing, weepy mess – with him as he moved backward like Naeva had told him to. If he had _not_ , he might have missed the shadow that pulled free from edge of the cabin to dart like a viper toward her back. Even as the Myrddraal was still solidifying, he saw it reach a bony white hand toward her. Killua lunged, one hand neatly separating the thing's head from its shoulders. The decapitated body fell and rolled across the ground just as his feet touched back to the earth. It was still twitching and thrashing, fingers digging uselessly at the soft dirt. Panic and rage had his blood pounding. _It was fast. It almost grabbed her. That thing almost grabbed her!_

Naeva had all of her attention on the swarming Shadowspawn rushing from the forest. Killua decided – more logically than he wanted to – that his focus would be best spent guarding her back while she dealt with the bulk of them. Two more Myrddraal, seemingly from nowhere, leaped at her from behind and he disposed of them swiftly. He wasn't sure how much time passed like that, but every eyeless head that toppled provided some grim satisfaction.

Then, all as one, the remaining creatures pulled back from their attack. They retreated into the dark forest. Naeva held up a trembling hand and wide bolts of lightning cracked along the ground to chase after the scrambling force. Black storm clouds took form overhead – blocking out the light of dawn that was only just beginning to brighten the clearing – and rain pounded the ground. There were only scattered pieces of flesh and wet blood to mark the corpses of the animal-like Shadowspawn. Well over a dozen shapes were identifiable as fallen Myrddraal, limbs still clawing and kicking at the ground.

Those deadly Gateways vanished and Naeva wavered off balance. Killua caught her by the shoulders and she slumped against him, visibly fatigued.

"Burn it all," she muttered. "Why did they-" Naeva's voice choked off and she straightened herself up to turn her gaze all around. "Where is Abrim?"

Killua looked back to where he had deposited the Darkfriend. There was no sign of him now, save for long finger grooves rended into the ground. They trailed back toward the forest and were already melting into mud as the rain beat the earth. "I wasn't watching him."

"They came for him. I should have taken us all out of here." Naeva's voice shook with anger. "He _played_ me! I drew too much of the One Power. I used more than I needed to, so much more." She hung her head. "I have to be smarter than that." She collapsed, and he grabbed her up before she could hit the ground.

Killua felt his stomach drop when her eyelids slid shut. "Naeva, are you-"

"I am fine." Naeva was completely limp, but she _was_ still conscious. "It is necessary to preserve what strength I have remaining."

Killua hurried into the cabin and was confronted immediately with the wide, shocked eyes of his sister and Gon.

"Onii-chan! What happened? Why is there... all that blood on you?" Alluka rushed forward to look he and Naeva over for injuries. There weren't any to find, but that didn't seem to relax her much.

"There was an attack," Killua said. "They took Abrim."

Naeva added her own soft input. "We are going to leave now. I have enough energy still for a Gateway to the Black Tower."

"But I didn't hear anything. It was so quiet!" Alluka put her hand on her best friend's forehead. "Naeva-chan, are you okay?"

"I am only tired," Naeva told her, eyes still closed.

Gon turned a questioning look on him. "Was it Ishamael?"

Killua shook his head. "Not in person. He sent monsters."

"Trollocs, and Myrddraal," Naeva elaborated. "And more will come. He will know that I am weakened."

Gon nodded, eyes flashing with purpose. "We'll go right away." He grabbed their bags from the corner of the cabin and hefted them over his shoulder. "Alluka, are you ready?"

Alluka nodded in silence, still focused on Naeva.

Killua shifted her a little in his arms. "Are you sure you can make the Gateway?"

Naeva didn't bother with replying. She blinked her eyelids open as if they were too heavy, then opened a shimmering Gateway – smaller than her usual – against the far wall of the cabin. On the other side, the golden light of morning shone upon green, grassy ground. Gon and Alluka went through first, and Killua followed. The instant he was safely through the Gateway, it closed and Naeva shuddered. She fell into deep unconsciousness.


	20. In the Black Tower

Naeva poured steaming water into the little teacup already prepared with a blend of her favorite herbs. She stirred the darkening liquid with a slotted spoon and waited. _What am I waiting for?_ She picked up her teacup to hold in both hands. The porcelain was warm against her palms, starkly contrasting with the bitter chill in the air.

She could not recognize the room she was in, but that did not feel important enough to be bothered about. It must have been the dining hall of a grand mansion. Banners displaying crests that were unfamiliar to her draped high on the walls. The table had been set with gold painted porcelain flatware and gleaming cutlery, but she felt strangely certain that this place had not seen a human life in countless years. It had the haunting, hollow ambiance of a crypt. _Should I even be here?_ She took a sip of her tea and then stared down into it, trying to figure out if she needed to know the answer to that question.

"Good morning, my Lady."

Naeva whipped her head up at the familiar voice. A man had entered the room. _Where did he come from? There are no doors in this room. That is... is that not odd?_ She felt indignant and uncertain of why. The man had only addressed her politely, but there was a vexing possessiveness to the way he had spoken the title. He pulled a chair back to sit at the table across from her.

"Elan." Naeva spoke the name before she had even thought it. _Yes, this is Elan. I know him, but from where?_

"I do so love to hear my name on your lips." Elan's smile curved upward, obviously pleased. For whatever reason, she was abruptly terrified of that smile.

Naeva pushed back from the table and turned to run. She made it only one step before she was caught, immobile. Elan had his arms wrapped around her from behind. "Let me _go!_ " She writhed in his grip.

Elan sighed, his breath a puff of ice on her neck that made her shiver. "There is no call for alarm, my Lady. We are only going to share a pleasant conversation. I believe that you would like to have a pleasant conversation with me." He spoke gently and Naeva forgot her fear. _Why was I so afraid? This place is comfortable._ Indeed, the air felt warmer upon her skin and the room was now lit with a soothing orange glow from a crackling hearth. "We lived here together once, you and I. You were so passionate and creative. Nothing could ever inspire me like the way you smiled when you held a good book in your hands. And you loved to read anything at all, but especially the stories that I wrote for you. We were very happy together. Do you remember?"

Naeva frowned. _No, that cannot be true._ "I do not know this place."

Elan turned her around in his arms to peer into her eyes. He had such a deep, fathomless gaze. "You do remember."

"I _-_ " Naeva licked her lips. She had been about to deny that again, but... sudden images and sensations were swimming in the forefront of her mind. _He was always writing, always caught up in some new revelation or idea. Elan had the most brilliant ideas. Had? Has, surely. And the short stories... those were only for me._ "-I remember."

She was vaguely conscious of the creeping mist which entered the dining hall, roiling over everything save Elan and herself. Soon enough it seemed that nothing surrounded them but a foggy white abyss.

"The centuries that we should have had together were taken from us. I waited so very long for your soul to be reborn." Elan trailed the back of one finger along her jawline. "Now, we have the chance to make newer and better memories together."

Naeva could not look away from his eyes. There was some kind of wrongness lurking within them. She felt it was important that she figure it out, but it was difficult to summon coherent thought with all of this fog swirling around them.

A speck in his gaze caught her attention. The shadowy dot moved unnaturally, marking a path from the corner of one eye to the other. She could not shirk the intuition that it was a mark of evil. _Evil?_ _But Elan- no, Ishamael!_

"Forsaken!" Naeva screamed at him.

Ishamael tightened his grip and she lost her breath to his secure hold. " _Forsaken_." He spat the word and then laughed. "That is a term propagated by the weak and the simple-minded. I am Chosen, my Lady. Chosen by the Great Lord himself as _Nae'blis!_ " He squeezed her harder and she emitted a pained squeak. "There will come a day when the Great Lord tires of us and undoes the entirety of the Pattern. The only choice is to take what power he offers and put an end to humanity's strife by hastening that day along." At last, his grip loosened and she gasped for breath. "You will understand."

"You- you _are_ Forsaken." Naeva forced the words up. She felt certain of little other than that she would defy Ishamael with everything she was capable of. As potent as that certainty was, she had to really cling to it to keep it solid. When she glared up at him, he took one reluctant step back. "Ishamael – betrayer of hope! The very first to turn to the Shadow in the Age of Legends!" _Why could I not remember that earlier? I should not be here. Where was- I was on my way to the Black Tower!_

Ishamael snapped his fingers and the white fog fell away to reveal an empty ballroom. A row of musical instruments upon the stage – some of which she could put no name to – began playing by themselves. It was a melancholy and romantic tune. Naeva could feel the melody vibrating in the air around her. But... she was supposed to be angry. Why was she supposed to be angry?

"Lovely, is it not?" Elan smiled, all warmth and sweetness. "You composed this song, my Lady." He stepped forward to lace the fingers of one hand with hers before fitting his other arm snugly around her waist. When he began to dance, her feet followed along with the steps.

 _Why can I not flee him?_ The dance quickened in pace and her thoughts slowed simultaneously. _Why would I want to flee him?_ Naeva fought to keep her resolve from scattering, but then it took everything she had just to preserve her balance lest she fall limply against him. She could no longer recall what it was that she had been so resolved about. The music swelled all around them. _This is a lovely song, even if I am certain that I did not write it myself. Elan is a good dancer, even._ They spun together across the marble floor of the ballroom and she felt content to do so.

Elan smiled down at her as the music played to a close. "I will give you anything and everything you could ever want." His delight brightened the room. She felt suddenly enthused. "Did I mention that I love what you have done with your hair?"

 _My... my hair?_ A single memory – more concrete than any of the others – spurred her heart to a frantic rhythm. _I begged Killua to cut my hair. Light, where is everyone?_ Her head throbbed with the effort of trying to remember. _The Shadowspawn attack... yes, I can recall that! I- I exhausted myself. I must have lost consciousness. Ishamael has slipped into my mind again!_ "This is a dream."

Ishamael nodded, something like pride alighting in his eyes. "I watched your dreams when you were very small, before you started putting wards on them. Such beautiful, innocent little dreams. I watched them almost every night."

Naeva pushed against him, but was unable to create any distance. "Get out of my head!"

"Three thousand years I have waited for you, and I am not a patient man." Ishamael grinned, flashing white teeth that for just an instant looked sharpened to dagger points. "There are essential truths to the universe, darling, and one of them is _us_. You have loved me in lifetimes beyond counting and you will love me again. I will make you happier than you ever thought possible, as I have throughout the Ages."

"No!" Naeva shouted up at him. "You are a liar, a traitor, Forsaken by the Light!"

Red flames blossomed where his eyes had been. Ishamael's cold hands went to her arms and his fingers dug cruelly into her flesh. "You can choose to join me now, or I will scorch a blazing trail through everything in my way as I hunt you down!" The threat boomed and echoed in the empty room.

"Get _out!"_ Naeva screamed again, and the flames consuming his eyes blazed into infernos. She could feel the heat of that fire as he bent his face closer to hers.

"I cannot say that I do not admire your passion," Ishamael said with a smile. "I always have." He crushed his lips against hers, oppressive and demanding. Naeva felt a stinging rush of tears in her eyes. Suddenly, he pulled back and bellowed in rage, "Who is-"

Silence and darkness swallowed her up.

Naeva opened her eyes.

Logain was hovering over her with his hands on her face. His tight expression went slack with relief. "Thank the Light." He withdrew his hands and sagged back into a wooden chair.

Naeva was lying in a large bed, in a dusty room. She tried to push herself up and was impeded by Alluka. Her best friend wrapped her in a warm embrace. "It worked! Oh, thank goodness it finally worked."

Naeva put her arms around Alluka in turn. Her heart was still pounding with fear from the encounter in _tel'aran'rhiod_ , but Alluka's presence helped tremendously.

"Are you okay?" That was from Gon, who stood with Killua just behind Logain's chair.

Numbly, she nodded. _How long did I sleep?_ The sun was low enough in the sky that she was uncomfortably certain it was now afternoon.

"At least we can take care of the dreams." Killua offered a hesitant smile.

Logain shook his head. "I do not expect that to work twice. I was only really able to remove Naeva's fatigue so that she might wake herself up, and even then... Ishamael is a known master of _tel'aran'rhiod._ He must have let his own concentration slip." _Ah, so they have explained much to him already._

"His concentration, yes," Naeva murmured a faint confirmation for Logain.

Alluka sat back. Her eyes were rimmed red from crying. "What do we do?"

Naeva propped herself up on her elbows. "We ought be safe enough here, for now."

Logain's expression became more pensive. "There are none among my Asha'man with the Talent for Dreaming. None in the White Tower, either. I do not yet know how to combat this, Naeva-Sedai." He frowned, then added, "I will do everything that is within my power."

 _What can any of us do?_ Naeva summoned a smile that felt too weak. "I would appreciate access to what information you have regarding Ishamael, most particularly anything that is known of his life before turning to the Shadow."

"There is not much, but I will gather it for you." Logain rose to his feet, determination firm. "Ishamael will not step foot in the Black Tower. I can guarantee you that, if nothing else." With one last reassuring glance at her, the M'Hael strode from the room.

Naeva glanced between her three friends. "Did you tell him about-" _Burn him, I do not even want to say his name!_ "-about Abrim?"

Gon and Killua exchanged a look, and it was the latter who answered her. "We did, but I don't know how much good it does us. He's been stripped of his title and the M'Hael issued an order for his arrest."

Naeva sank back to the bed and tossed an arm over her eyes as they began to water. "He was the closest to me of any of my cousins. Always, we were close." Naeva tried for better coherence. "And it all leads back to Ishamael. Abrim, Moghedien, the attack on Seven Towers... Ishamael is responsible for _all_ of it."

At a touch on her arm, Naeva uncovered her eyes. Killua ran his fingertips lightly over her skin, expression inscrutable. "He hurt you. He can actually hurt you in these dreams."

Naeva peered down at herself and recognized the red marks of Ishamael's hands on her arms. _Oh, Light! I am really going to be sick this time._ She scrambled from the bed and only just got her head over the waste bin before vomiting noisily. There was nothing in her stomach but hot, acrid bile. When she finished dry heaving, she sat back on the floor and hugged her knees to her chest. Tears stung again at her eyes and she refused to let them free.

Killua was beside her with a suddenness that she had grown used to, pressing a white kerchief into her hand. She nodded gratefulness and used it to wipe the clammy sweat from her face. Light, he even somehow produced a cup of water in the next instant. "Do you know the reason Ishamael is targeting you?"

"Because he is evil!" That was true, but it was also a bitter and vitriolic denial of the rest of the truth. Naeva lowered her head to her knees until she felt her frayed nerves begin to settle. _Because it seems that he loved someone, once, and he wants me to replace her._ "I will know more when I can learn about... his past." She had come frightfully close to saying 'our' past.

At a loud crash, Naeva jumped. She raised her head to see that Gon was no longer in the room.

* * *

Killua grimaced at the noise of the door slamming shut behind Gon. "I'll go talk to him," he said. When he stood he put out a hand to ruffle Naeva's short hair and somehow, despite everything, it wrought a tiny smile from her. Then he exited to track down his best friend and make an attempt at disarming his rage.

The room Logain had hurried them to upon arrival was on the very top floor of the Black Tower. The M'Hael's own quarters were just one floor below. Killua spotted Gon right away - he stood at the far end of the dusty corridor, shoulders shaking and knuckles bloodless where he clutched at the windowsill. Light from the sinking sun streamed through the window to harshly illuminate the frustration on his face.

"I feel so useless!" Gon said, without turning his head.

Killua stared outside, himself. It was a staggering drop to the ground far below. The Black Tower, unlike its feminine counterpart, was nowhere near a city. It stood tall and imposing amidst the sprawling plains; the only visible landmark for miles in every direction. After a moment of deliberating what to say and coming up short, he settled for blunt honesty. "So do I."

Gon stepped away from the windowsill and leaned his back against the stonework wall, glowering down at the floor like it'd personally done him wrong. "I'm so damn sick of it, Killua! Betrayals and murderers and crazy people – all of it! This world is terrible."

Killua scrubbed a hand through his hair. "Our world has all of that, too."

"Not these _Forsaken_ bastards! And at least in our world I understand how things work! Nightmares that do real damage? What kind of sense does that make?" Gon's response was seething.

Killua stopped mussing his hair when he realized he was building up static. "Probably as much sense as our world made to Naeva when she first met all of us," he mused. It was a pointless musing. There was a coal of anger deep within him that wanted to blaze up just as brightly as Gon's. Quelling that anger in favor of rationality had him feeling... a little addled.

Gon shot him a look that was equal parts reproachful and uncertain. "This Ishamael is some ancient, all-powerful madman, right? He wants to end the world and that's just awful, but it's not my world and I can't really do anything about it. Now we find out that he wants Naeva, too. Can't we draw the line there? Isn't that too far, too damn personal? I can't be calm about that!"

"I don't _want_ to be calm about it." Killua offered Gon the best smile he could muster with the way his stomach kept twisting up. "But we have to keep our senses sharp. Who cares how powerful this Ishamael is? He can't handle us." Those words echoed in his ears and sounded utterly devoid of meaning, but they did go a small ways toward reassuring his best friend.

Gon returned the smile tremulously, then was glaring down at the floor again. "But, Abrim... I trusted him. I liked him! And this whole time he's been pledged to do _literal_ evil. How'd he dupe us all?"

Killua was quiet awhile. _What can I say to that?_ "He's been living that lie for years now, apparently. I guess it's not unreasonable that he's good at it." _I should have just killed him._

Gon's forehead creased at the sharpness of his frown. "I just- it's just not right. Someone is hunting my friend, using the people she cares about to get to her..."

"Hurting her in her sleep," Killua added, then abruptly regretted it. _Gon doesn't need help being negative right now._

"Hurting her in her sleep," Gon repeated. The flickering rage in him blazed up again. "And I don't even know how to help her! I just want to do something about it!"

Killua stared out the window again, watching the breeze create ripples across the grassy ground. "Ishamael has to show up eventually. When he does, we'll be ready. You especially have to be ready. Naeva isn't as powerful as he is. And then because I was stupid enough to let the bastard get away, Abrim can tell him about my speed and my electricity. The only one Ishamael can't be prepared for is you, Gon."

Gon nodded, almost encouraged, then slumped in on himself. "Except he doesn't need to show up. What the hell are we gonna do about that? Ishamael can get to Naeva without ever being within punching range."

Killua fought to keep his expression calm. _All he needs to do is make her pliable. Ishamael has lived over three thousand years. He's got more experience and guile than I can account for._ "He'll make a mistake. I'll bet you right now it'll be by underestimating us." _I can hope so, anyway._ It was easy to speak the confident words, so why couldn't he believe in them?

Gon drew in a deep breath. As he exhaled again, he let more of his tension go. "I guess you're right. You're always right."

Killua shrugged. "Of course I am."

That earned him a smile, bright enough to chase some of the gloominess from the dim corridor. It wasn't long before Gon's expression grew serious again, but at least he no longer appeared hopeless. "I've never seen Naeva look so afraid of anything... and I know my storming out probably made her feel worse." He scratched absently at the back of his head, a nervous habit. "I should go apologize."

Killua shifted with restless energy. The idea of going back to the room himself was intolerable. It'd been hours between the moment Naeva had succumbed to unconsciousness and when Logain had finally been able to wake her up. Hours he'd spent worrying that she might not wake up at all. "I'm gonna wander around for a while, maybe see if I can work some useful information out of the M'Hael or his Asha'man."

Gon started to shuffle away, turning back only once to pierce him with his amber gaze and issue a warning. "Just be careful. Darkfriends are everywhere, apparently."

Killua watched him go, then stepped silently down the stairs. The hall outside Logain's quarters was empty, so he continued on.

 _None of this feels like it can be real. I'd like to think it isn't. But even nightmares can be real here, in this horrible world._ The thoughts were rambling, every bit as empty as his uplifting words to Gon had been. Killua walked without caring about a destination, ever downward. Occasionally he would journey the length of a corridor and switch to the stairwell at the opposite end. Sometimes the halls were crowded and other times there wasn't a soul in sight, but he paid no mind either way. At some point he reached the very bottom floor and turned around to repeat the process on the way back up.

Near the top again, his attention was drawn to an open doorway revealing what appeared to be a library. Feeling a twinge of curiosity that was at least better than aimlessness, Killua ventured inside. There were thousands of books, many of them so withered by age that it seemed even looking at them too long might cause them to disintegrate. Only a few black coated Asha'man – or perhaps trainees, he had no way of differentiating – were making use of the library at this hour.

Killua felt secure enough in his right to browse the shelves, so he did. A red leather bound tome caught his eye. Fading gold script along the spine labeled it 'Aes Sedai: Servants of All'. When he flipped open the cover it revealed flowing penmanship so cramped and aureate that he had to strain his eyes to make out even a few letters. He was beginning to suspect it was written in Old Tongue when a curious voice spoke up from behind him.

"Do you need help finding something, my Lord?"

Killua closed the binding snappily, producing a small puff of dust, and then returned the book to the shelf. When he turned around it was to meet the big brown eyes of a boy who looked no older than thirteen – he had silver bells tied into his dark, braided hair. It was as irritating as ever to be called a Lord, but Killua decided that this kid wasn't deserving of his accumulated wrath over the issue. "I was..." _What_ am _I looking for?_ "Do you have anything about the last Queen of Malkier?" That had been the first thought to pop into his head, which was stupid, but he went with it anyway.

A broad smile broke over the boy's expression. "El'Nynaeve al'Meara ti Mandragoran? Of course! We have biographies, some books she penned herself, and there's a portrait right over there." He gestured to a quite massive portrait hung high on the wall. "What is it you want to know, my Lord?"

Killua wandered up to the portrait, quite mesmerized.

The woman depicted held a hovering orange fireball over one open palm and a sphere of blue light over the other. Her golden brown hair was swept over her shoulder in a thick braid that extended to her hips. She was bedecked in jewelry – the chain bracelet and two of the rings he certainly recognized – and wearing a form-fitting yellow gown that set off her complexion. It was obvious from a glance that Naeva took after her mother, but Killua found himself looking more closely. Nynaeve had a different eye color – warm brown as opposed to steely blue – and her eyebrows were more arched instead of full and straight. Her lips were just a touch thinner and distinctly less pouty.

"She was very beautiful, wasn't she?" The boy noted, voice reverent.

Killua studied him carefully. _If only it were easy to identify Darkfriends on sight._ "Why the giant portrait? Why is she so important to the Black Tower?"

The boy's mouth fell agape, but he recovered quickly and with enthusiasm. "El'Nynaeve helped the Lord Dragon remove the taint from Saidin! She even discovered how to Heal the madness it had caused in men. Without her-" He shook his head – bells tinkling – as if the thought horrified him. "-there would be no Black Tower at all without her, and no Asha'man, and..." He leaned in closer to whisper excitedly, "She discovered how to Heal Gentling! Our M'Hael had been Gentled, you see, but she Healed him and he was even _stronger_ afterward."

Killua glanced back up at the portrait. He had understood a portion of that, and it definitely sounded like an impressive list of accomplishments. "What a loss for the world." At last, it seemed some of his cognizance was returning to him. It didn't matter that he was outclassed. It didn't matter that the right words felt like nothingness. They simply had to make it through this. If he couldn't even think straight, he'd be no help and the already slim sounding odds of that favorable outcome would go down.

"El'Nynaeve used to visit the Black Tower often, but I didn't even know that I could channel back then," the boy said sadly. Killua glanced over at him again and his eyes were watery. _There's no way this kid is a Darkfriend._ "Now I'll never be able to thank her myself." He sniffed hard and blinked his tears away. "Papa told me once that the Mandragoran family is so devoted to the Light that they will always be hounded by the Shadow."

"Soldier Bankse!"

The call from behind them made the boy whirl into a bow, fist held to his heart and his other hand tight on the pommel of the sword at his hip. It had been Logain's shout. The M'Hael was watching them from a distance. _Just how long was he watching?_

"Soldier Bankse, I believe you are overdue for a visit to the Drin'm'hael." Logain's words might have been a mere suggestion, were it not for the bark of authority in them.

"Right away, M'Hael!" The boy flashed a smile backward as he hurried from the library. "It was a nice talk, my Lord."

Logain watched as the kid he'd called 'Soldier' scurried around him and back out into the hallway. Then he stalked in to join Killua, keeping his gaze fastened on the portrait of Nynaeve. "She was the very best of us. Channelers, I mean."

Killua could see the weight of grief in his expression. "How so?"

"All of El'Nynaeve's power..." The frown that settled across Logain's features was decidedly heartbroken. "Any other Aes Sedai would have used it to rule over the rest. She could have been Amyrlin Seat herself, had she wished it. Yet from the day she became aware that she could channel to the day she died, she wanted only to Heal. 'Anything short of death can be Healed.' That was her creed, and the Aes Sedai belittled her for it, but she never lost faith. She made good on her claim. She discovered on her own how to Heal what all others said was impossible."

"What exactly is Gentling?" His inquisitiveness was getting the better of him.

The M'Hael shifted his attention to look him in the eye. "It was not long ago that any man who could channel was doomed to be driven mad by the Dark One's taint on Saidin. They would lose control such that they killed themselves and anyone unfortunate enough to be nearby. To prevent this, the White Tower cut access to Saidin from every channeling man they found. That is a devastating loss. Gentled men lose their will to live – they lose all hope." His voice lowered. "I was no exception. All that kept me going was El'Nynaeve's dedication to Healing me. She was so young, only a student, but she visited me whenever she could. The Aes Sedai would never have allowed her to try if they thought she stood even a chance at succeeding." He put on a very dry smile. "You must have really made an impression on Bankse. No one in the Black Tower mentions my Gentling anywhere they think I might hear word of it."

Killua scuffed the toe of his boot against the stone floor. "I only asked to hear a little about Naeva's mother."

Logain looked back up at the portrait and his hard expression melted away. "That is understandable."

"The kid said something about the Mandragoran family having always been hounded by the Shadow." Killua tried to ask that as nonchalantly as possible. It'd been a disturbing thing to hear.

"I suppose that is true." Logain's voice took on a note of resentment. "Malkier crumbled to nothing when Naeva's father was an infant. The entire Royal Line was slaughtered, and he the only survivor. Lan never even intended to take his place as King and reforge the broken nation until he wed Nynaeve. He was- but then she always did bring out the best in everyone."

 _I hit on a tender subject. He didn't even use their titles that time._ Killua was acutely aware that it'd be wisest to stop there, but he went on anyway. There might not be another opportunity like this again to see beneath the M'Hael's tough exterior. "They rebuilt the Kingdom together?"

"Lan provided a name for the people to follow, and Nynaeve the real leadership." Logain's hands balled to fists. "He did not love her well enough. If he had, she would still be _alive_." After growling that, Logain pulled his composure back together and fixed Killua with an imperious look. "You will not be telling Naeva that I said any of that." Without waiting for an affirmation, Logain turned his back on the portrait and went to one of the bookshelves along the wall. "Since you are here, you will help me carry up the books I came to gather."

 _Everyone I ask questions of gives me different answers. Naeva adored her father, but Logain seems to think he was a bum. It's gotta be jealousy._ Killua cleared his head of the musings, which weren't at all relevant at the moment. He glanced over the shelves that the M'Hael was searching. "Are there very many books about Ishamael's life?"

"Precious few records remain from the Age of Legends. The Aes Sedai hoard their knowledge and lock it up in dreary dungeons, forgetting themselves what they have." Logain bent to pull a leaflet of aged yellow parchment from the bottom shelf and thrust it at him. Another thin leaflet followed, and then three hefty books that looked like successive volumes of a series. "What we have collected here is but a handful of compilations about the Age of Legends in general and a few meandering research papers that touch upon the subject of the early lives of the Forsaken. I can only hope that there is something we might learn from them." The M'Hael stood, pressed the knuckles of one fist briefly to his back, and then turned to go.

Killua followed. He was too distracted by his desire to know what information the books held to feel annoyed that he was being treated like a lackey. They climbed up the steps to the top floor and the room where Alluka, Gon, and Naeva were waiting. When they opened the door and walked in, Killua was surprised to see the three of them sitting around a platter of delicious looking – even better smelling – food.

Logain's eyes narrowed. "How could you possibly-"

"I, uh, I snuck it from the kitchen," Gon stammered.

"You are telling me that you stole food from my kitchens?" Logain asked incredulously.

Gon grinned crookedly. "I didn't want to waste any time waiting in line. There were like, at least fifty Asha'man in the cafeteria."

Naeva swallowed whatever she'd been chewing and hurriedly elaborated, "It was I who asked him to, M'Hael." She managed to get that out, then coughed a little and took a long drink of water.

It was remarkable. Seeing her looking her normal self, after witnessing her terror upon waking, restored the last bit of sense that he'd been unable to gather himself. Killua smiled at her, even though she wasn't looking at him.

"We were all getting hungry," Alluka said bashfully. Her hand still hovered, holding a decadent pastry halfway to her mouth.

Logain offered Gon a slight smile. "You would have to be quite stealthy indeed to escape the Kitchen Mistress unscathed."

Gon nodded. "Oh, yeah. She almost caught me."

"You must not have been trying very hard," Killua said. He grabbed one of the sweet looking confections for himself and ate it in two ravenous bites. _Cherries, I think? Pretty good._

Gon scowled at him. "It's not my fault that my stomach rumbled. Yours would've, too, if you'd smelled the kitchen."

Logain shook his head at them, but he seemed amused more than anything. "I apologize for not having had the forethought to order you food myself."

"Are those about Ishamael?" Naeva asked, brushing crumbs from her hands and hurrying to grab the first book on the stack he held.

Killua kept a leaflet to peruse himself and set the rest down upon the writing desk. The scrawled words on the thin sheaf of parchment were legible enough. 'The Betrayer of Hope' written by Lindell-Sedai of the Brown Ajah of the White Tower of Tar Valon in the year of- _blah blah blah..._ He scanned over the foreword. "A study of the man, the philosopher, the first Forsaken," he read aloud.

Naeva's head snapped up. She put the heavy book down to rush over, then stood on her toes to read over his arm better. With a roll of his eyes, Killua passed the leaflet to her. Naeva read over every word on the first page – twice, unless he missed his guess – before flipping to the second.

"Surely there is some mention _..._ " She spoke faintly to herself as she moved on to the third page. After a few sentences there, her gaze stopped moving and she frowned.

"What is it?" Logain asked.

Before he could get any reply from her, there was a pounding knock on the door.

The M'Hael gestured quickly for silence. He pulled the door ajar just enough to glare through at whomever had interrupted them. "Yes, Dedicated?"

"The Tsovoran'm'hael is waiting below to speak to you, M'Hael."

Looking mightily displeased, Logain slipped out the door.

The room was silent for a few moments while the pair of retreating footsteps grew distant. Naeva was just skimming through the leaflet now.

"Did you find something important, Naeva-chan?" Alluka asked.

"I do not know how important it may be," Naeva said. She set the papers aside, sat down in one of the low chairs, and shut her eyes. "Ishamael was named Elan Morin Tedronai in the Age of Legends, and Elan was a lauded philosopher. What we know today of the cycle of Ages is built upon his original writings. You could say that he... discovered the Wheel." She hesitated there, just briefly. "Elan married a fellow Aes Sedai named Kiende Villo, but when he proclaimed himself for the Dark One, she did not join him. That much is only known from transcribed excerpts of the personal diaries kept by Mierin Eronaile, who was Kiende's friend. Mierin herself defected to the Shadow and became the Forsaken Lanfear. There is no mention of Kiende Villo in any other surviving records, according to the Brown who wrote this essay. It is surmised that she died before the War of Power began."

As Killua absorbed that, a shiver of discord crept up his spine. "How does any of that connect with what's happening to you now?"

"I may or may not be the reincarnation of Kiende's soul. Even if it is not so, Ishamael is quite certain." Naeva opened her eyes and frowned. "I imagine that he wants to succeed where he failed in the past, to have his wife serve the Dark One at his side."

Gon's expression twisted in a fair approximation of the disgust he himself was feeling. "But you aren't his wife!"

"Yes, well," Naeva shrugged weakly, "he _is_ a madman."

Alluka placed a hand over Naeva's. "This is what you've been dealing with?" The only answer she got was another weak shrug.

Killua held himself carefully still. His eyes went to her arms again, to those red hand prints that were steadily darkening to bruises. _It's worse than she wants us to know. Worse than she'll say, worse than I can see._ "What can we do about the dreams?"

"Ishamael is indeed a master of the World of Dreams, while I can barely recognize it for what it is." Naeva steepled her fingers together. "Short of avoiding sleep entirely, which is infeasible, there is no solution I can yet come up with to stop the dreams. If I continue aggravating him, however, mayhap he will let something slip that we can take advantage of."

 _Damn it, Naeva! Have you_ no _self-awareness?_ That anger inside of Killua, already wound taut, finally snapped. "It isn't safe to provoke him when you don't even know what you're dealing with! What if the mistake he makes kills you? Isn't that a possibility in your damn World of Dreams?"

Naeva winced, probably at the harsh bite in his tone.

Alluka, surprisingly, spoke up to agree with him. "Onii-chan is right! You're fighting someone stronger than you are, so you can't be so reckless."

Gon gulped. "Maybe our best bet _is_ to keep you awake."

Naeva glared down at the age weathered papers on the desk. "I bloody get it, alright? I can be cautious."

"Sure you get it." Killua met her quick scowl with one of his own. "I'm always thinking to myself, 'Gee, Naeva sure is even-tempered and _cautious_.'"

Naeva stuck her chin up. "At least I can always rely on you to bolster my confidence, Killua."

"You're so damn stubborn that I should be relieved that you let yourself rely on me for anything," Killua said. A previously discarded thought occurred to him, surfaced from deep in his mind where it had been buried beneath the weight of all that had happened since. "What about the Warder Bond? Logain explained it to us, and-"

"No." Naeva's expression became grave so quickly that he took a step backward.

Killua was stunned to silence at the way she had shut him down. _She didn't even hear me out._

"Just... no?" Gon was plainly confused. "That's it, end of discussion?" He shook his head. "It would be super helpful if-"

"No. That is it, end of discussion." Naeva's eyes drained of emotion and her voice chilled. "I will not have a Warder."

"Stop that!" Killua struggled to, but could not quite soften his tone. "Don't do that Void thing with us. We can't have an actual discussion about any of this if you keep trying to hide everything you find unpleasant! It's all unpleasant!"

For a while after he said that Naeva only stared at him. Then she closed her eyes, took a few slow breaths, and when she opened them again the hollow look of the Void was gone. Instead of that disconcerting emptiness, her eyes flashed with grief as she looked at each of them in turn. "So Logain told you about the Warder Bond, did he?" There was definitely some scorn to that.

Gon served her a stern look. "He only told us because I asked him about it."

Naeva waved one hand in the air. "I did not mean to imply that he should not have, only that I doubt he gave you a very thorough understanding. There are drawbacks to the Warder Bond as well as benefits. Did he mention that?"

"He didn't," Killua said. "So enlighten us. What sort of drawbacks?"

"There is a terrible penalty if either end of the Bond becomes severed by an unnatural death," Naeva answered him slowly. "The one who loses the other suffers the penalty, and anyone who has not witnessed it firsthand could not possibly envision it. The grief and rage felt is all-consuming. Most do not outlive their partner very long, preferring to throw themselves into vengeance until they are either slain or drop dead of exhaustion. When vengeance cannot be had, they take their own lives. That is not a fate I would impose upon any of my friends."

Killua allowed himself time to think that over fully. _That's just the consequence for failure. The Bond grants you better means of protecting each other, and it punishes you for failing to do so. You stake your life on your ability to protect your partner. It's a covenant._

"Naeva-chan," Alluka started somewhat hesitantly, "you saw it happen to someone, right?"

"My fa-" Naeva's voice broke, her jaw clamped shut, and she took a moment before going on, "Al'Lan was Warder to El'Nynaeve."

Killua felt a jolt of outrage. _The Oath Rod doesn't even allow her to call them her parents anymore?_

Naeva turned a sad glance to Alluka. "She died first, and he..." She fumbled with her words, choked by emotion, and finally finished in a whisper, "No one should have to suffer like that. He lost every shred of himself in his final moments."

The room lapsed to abysmal silence then, until Logain made his return. His grim expression portended bad news, but he took some time to look them all over before he said anything. He could probably feel the tension already thick in the air. "Let me hear it then, what have you discovered?"

Gon took it upon himself to issue the recap. "Ishamael thinks Naeva is his dead wife reborn. That's why he's after her."

Killua's eyebrow twitched. _Well, that was concise._

Logain frowned, but only for the barest instant. "I see." He turned to address Naeva. "There has been a problematic development brought to my attention by the Tsovoran'm'hael. You must not leave the Black Tower, Naeva-Sedai. It would not be safe even to venture outside to the grounds."

"What has happened?" Naeva stood up to aim her most authoritative look at the M'Hael. It definitely didn't have the desired effect.

Logain overpowered her look with his own dominating presence. "Give me your word that you will not go chasing after trouble. As of now, the situation is well under my control and I will not have it muddled by you acting a righteous fool."

Naeva frowned at him. "Fine, you have my word. I shall not chase after whatever new trouble you are so reluctant to tell me about."

Killua turned an appreciative look on Logain. _That was impressive. Why can't I ever get her to back down so easily?_

The M'Hael scrutinized Naeva a moment longer before delivering his news. "A pair of sentries spotted paw prints in stone, near the perimeter of the grounds."

Naeva staggered backward and fell down into her chair again. "Oh, _Light._ " She dropped her head to her hands.

Killua scowled. "What does that mean?"

"It means that Ishamael has sent Darkhounds to track her down," Logain elaborated smoothly. "Likely he has also issued the order for them to kill anyone close to her, so I expect you all to remain within the safety of the Black Tower."

Gon balled his hands to frustrated fists. "And what the hell is a Darkhound?"

"Another variety of Shadowspawn creature," Naeva said in a faint voice. "They are massive black dogs, strong and regenerative. The Forsaken use them both to track and often to kill. Darkhounds have venomous saliva and blood. A single drop absorbed through the skin is enough to kill within hours, and a bite is instantly fatal. The only way to stop a Darkhound is a forbidden weave called Balefire."

"I presume you know the weave already?" Logain asked her quietly.

Naeva lifted her head. "Moiraine taught it to me." She sounded lost within her own thoughts.

Logain nodded to her, seemingly relieved. "That is good."

"What's Balefire?" Alluka frowned between them. "And why would it be forbidden if it's the only thing that can stop these Darkhounds?"

"Balefire does not only kill the target it strikes," Logain explained. "It burns their thread from the Pattern backward through time, proportional to the amount of strength put into the weave. If I were right now to be struck by a small weave of Balefire, the Pattern would be forced to reassemble itself as if I had not existed for the past few minutes. My every action and effect upon the world during that time would have never happened. Free use of Balefire during the War of Power nearly tore the entire Pattern apart. Cities vanished in the blink of an eye. Even the Forsaken do not take the use of Balefire lightly."

"Wow." Gon whistled. The implications of a power strong enough to rewrite the timeline certainly were impressive.

Rising to her feet again, Naeva glared at Logain. "Why would you would make me swear not to hunt them? I am the only one that they cannot kill." She crossed her arms. "How is it you plan on dealing with them, M'Hael? Throwing away the lives of your Asha'man for my protection?"

"You question my leadership?" Logain's posture stiffened. "The Asha'man force that will eliminate the Darkhounds was chosen from among my best men. _Light,_ Naeva, they served in Tarmon Gaidon alongside me!" It was a tell of his own anger that he didn't use the usual honorific to address her.

Naeva only glared harder. "I do not doubt their ability, nor your leadership, but I question your choice to avoid implementing the best asset you have. Ishamael wants me unharmed! Why have you decided that I should not take part in a battle in which my life is the only one not at risk?"

"Because you are too inexperienced!" Logain shouted, then expended visible effort to lower his volume. "Ishamael knows exactly what he is doing. Do you think he does not expect that you would desire to take them on yourself? If he aims to draw you outside of my protection, there may very well be Myrddraal or Draghkar out there waiting to carry you directly to him." He shook his head. "I will not have you deliver yourself into a trap."

Naeva's defiance crumbled slowly to contrition. "You are right. I apologize for challenging your judgment, M'Hael."

Logain's expression gentled. "I must ask that you continue to trust in me. This battle has only begun, and I intend to win it." He relaxed a bit and clasped his hands together behind his back. "You ought Bond yourself a Warder."

Killua caught the flash of fury in Naeva's eyes. He found himself speaking up before she had the chance to lash out again. "We were already in the middle of that argument." Naeva's glare slid from Logain to target him, instead. He ignored her.

The M'Hael nodded. "Should the unthinkable happen and Ishamael is able to take you, Naeva-Sedai, the Warder Bond will allow us to pursue." She did not reply, and he heaved out a breath. "As I have already angered you, I may as well not fear to continue. Your friends have the right as guests to explore the Black Tower freely, but as you are too recognizable I must insist that you do not wander below the top two floors."

Naeva's eyebrows drew together. "Ishamael already knows that I am here, so what is the problem if I am recognized?"

Logain seemed amused by the question. "There are others who would come for you if rumor gets out. King Aybara and the Prince of the Ravens, certainly. Well-meaning or not, neither of them would hesitate to undermine my authority."

After a small hesitation, Naeva inclined her head. "I understand."

Logain regathered himself, purposeful and stoic once again. "There are spare beds in the next room for the Lords Killua and Gon. Lady Alluka may stay here with you, if she wishes."

"I do!" Alluka chirped immediately.

"Quite fine, Lady Alluka." Logain nodded to her before addressing them all as a whole. "Three doors down is a pair of copper tubs for bathing. I will have regular meals brought up starting with dinner tonight. If there is anything else you require, you have only to ask."

Naeva dipped a rather formal curtsy. "Thank you, M'Hael."

Logain departed, and then they were alone again. Just as Killua was considering broaching the Warder subject once more, Naeva honed her attention on him.

"I do not have the patience to argue again right now. Give me time to settle my thoughts." Naeva clipped the words out. He frowned, irritated by how easily she read him, and then she baffled him by smiling. "You get a very particular look on your face when you are preparing to match wills with me."

Killua made an effort to smooth his frown away. "Whatever."

"Good." Naeva glanced at the papers and books on the desk, but only for a second. "For now, you and Gon ought take the opportunity to bathe."

He glanced down at his hands, wondering if he'd forgotten to get under his fingernails when he had scrubbed away the Shadowspawn gore. Finding nothing, Killua shot her a narrow-eyed look. "You're the one still splattered with Trolloc blood."

"Yes, but I can take care of myself and Alluka without needing the tubs." Naeva paused for an emphatic sniff. "Also, I might point out that you neglected to clean behind your ears."

Killua touched a hand to his head and grimaced at the sticky patch he discovered in his hair. He had no real time to feel self-conscious about it. Naeva tossed his pack of clothes in his direction. Then – way more politely – she retrieved Gon's bag and handed it over to him.

" _Lyet_." Naeva waved her hand, haughtily expecting them to follow her as she swept from the room; they did.

She led them down the hallway, past two doors to open the third. The room held the two copper tubs Logain had mentioned. A nearby shelf was burdened with rough chunks of soap, wool towels, various glass jars, and rolls of thin stripped linen. Killua wondered at that last, and then realized it was for medicinal use. Probably the M'Hael had guessed by the amount of blood they'd been covered in on arrival that they might have sustained injuries. It was funny that in this world of instant Healing, most everyone who had access to it would refuse for anything short of a mortal wound.

Before Killua could ask about water, both tubs were full. A heartbeat later, the water was steaming.

Naeva wore a satisfied little smile. "Well, there you are." She grabbed a piece of soap and she and Alluka turned to go.

Gon, already in the process of rummaging through his pack for fresh clothes, glanced up to ask curiously, "How is it that you don't need a tub to take a bath?"

Naeva paused in the threshold of the doorway. "It is frivolous, but easy enough with the One Power. Swirling bubbles, condensing water to rinse, and a gust of warm air to dry everything instantly."

Killua's face heated as he tried not to imagine that. Gon was kind enough to wait until Alluka and Naeva had left before laughing at him.


	21. Taking Responsibility

Alluka – thoroughly clean – fastened the last button up the back of Naeva's yellow silk dress. Bathing with the One Power had been a matter of seconds. "All done. Now, you really need to tell me why you decided to distract the boys."

Her best friend shot her a guilty glance. "Was I so obvious?"

"Probably not to anyone else, but I'm pretty used to your methods." Alluka planted her hands on her hips. "I feel bad for my brother. You know that he gets embarrassed easily enough on his own without you doing it to him deliberately all the time."

Naeva pouted. "Killua thinks too much. If I do not intentionally fluster him, he always figures me out."

"It's still not very nice." Alluka tried to sound chastising, but her heart wasn't really in it. "Well then, what's our secret mission?"

"I need to send a message out of the Black Tower." Naeva smiled.

Her eyes widened. "A message to who?"

"To Moiraine." Naeva's smile faltered. "She must know that Abrim cannot be trusted, in the event she does not already, and that Compulsion was used on my-" Her jaw clenched shut unnaturally quick, making her wince. "-on the King. Moiraine can find some way to help him."

Alluka thought about that, fidgeting absently with the pink lace at her sleeves. _She feels responsible for everything that happened. Onii-chan would insist on sending the message_ for _her, and Naeva-chan wants to do it for herself._ After a moment of internal debate, she nodded. "How do we get around the M'Hael? He was pretty specific that you shouldn't go downstairs."

"The haircut helps already, but-" Naeva clapped her hands and several details about her appearance shifted. Her bobbed hair turned jet black, for one. The gray-blue of her eyes transitioned to warm honey, and her skin tone lightened. "-disguising myself is better. Do I look like I could be Gon's sister?" With a slight frown, she also tugged the Aes Sedai ring from her finger and set it down in the center of the table.

Alluka looked her over from head to toe. "I'd say yes," she put a hand to her chin and added, "but if Gon had a sister she'd probably be taller than you are."

Naeva swiftly poked her in the ribs. "You wound me, Alluka-chan. You are supposed to be the nice one between us."

Alluka started giggling.

Her best friend giggled with her, then made for the door. "Our secret mission, remember?"

Alluka gave a mock salute. "Let's go, Naeva-chan!" That provoked a curious thought. "Wait, should I call you something else? Lady _Freecs?_ "

Naeva spun back with a curtsy. "Lady Evana Freecs. Pleased to meet you and honored to be your escort on this fine day, Lady Alluka."

She bit down on the temptation to laugh again and managed to return the curtsy.

Naeva held her hand and they set off down the corridor. "I shall keep us soundproof and invisible until we are down a few flights." Despite that assurance, they both crept very carefully past the door to the room where the boys were occupied.

When they reached the spiral staircase they began hurrying downward, not stopping until she had counted five floors as they passed. Alluka held her skirt up off the ground so she wouldn't trip over it.

Naeva peeked briefly out into the next hall. She gave Alluka's hand a squeeze before letting go. "Okay, this shall be easy. Just follow my lead." After a steadying breath, Naeva sauntered out into the corridor.

Alluka followed and tried her hardest to imitate her best friend's hauteur. This floor was dauntingly crowded with Asha'man. The open rooms they passed looked like lecture halls. Servants in gray uniforms scurried along the walls without anyone paying them any mind. She and Naeva, however, drew a _lot_ of attention.

"Pardon me, Ladies, but surely ye do be lost?" A thickly accented male voice addressed them.

Alluka's heart started pounding with anxiety. She and Naeva turned together to acknowledge the man who had spoken. He seemed quite young, if still older than they were. His hair was a similar golden brown to Naeva's natural color, and his eyes were a calm ocean green.

Naeva fluttered her lashes, lower lip trembling for a tiny second. "I am afraid so, my Lord. Might you be willing to lend us your assistance?"

The man dropped a steep bow. As he straightened, he looked embarrassed. "I be no Lord, but I do know me way around by now. The name do be Asha'man Rowley, if ye please."

"My good Asha'man Rowley, then." Naeva offered him a smile. "I should be most grateful if you would escort us. I am Lady Evana Freecs and this is my dearest friend, the Lady Alluka Zoldyck." She curtsied.

Alluka followed her example. "Pleased to meet you, Asha'man Rowley."

Rowley bowed to them again. His face flushed when Naeva stepped forward to twine her arm through his own. He cleared his throat, eyes darting briefly about as if he was worried they might become the center of attention. _As if we aren't already._ "What is it ye be searching fer, Ladies?"

Naeva simpered cutely. "I had _so_ hoped to send a quick correspondence, but I did not know whom I could trouble to ask." Scarlet flooded her cheeks and she lowered her voice to a conspiratorial whisper. "I must confess that I find it nerve wracking to be surrounded by so many powerful men."

Rowley rather outdid Naeva for how red his face became. He patted a hand over hers where it rested on the crook of his elbow. "Ye must no worry so, Lady Evana." There was a note of pride in his voice as he went on. "I be having some free time, and I do no mind spending it in pleasant company. Might ye be needing parchment and quill fer yer correspondence?"

Naeva made a high, joyful noise. She beamed up at the Asha'man. "Your kindness is the highlight of my day, Asha'man Rowley!"

Rowley grinned bashfully at her compliment and hustled them along into an empty classroom. Naeva let her hand fall back as he went to rifle through a drawer for the writing utensils she needed. She nudged Alluka over to a bench behind a long desk so that they could sit. Alluka took her seat gratefully – the muscles of her legs felt like jelly. _Nerve wracking to be around powerful men, huh? At least I don't really have to put on an act. I'm plenty nervous._

Rowley returned to them with what he'd gathered. His hands flourished as he set the blank parchment, quill, and ink pot on the desk in front of Naeva. "I hope this do be sufficient, Ladies."

"This is more than sufficient, I assure you." Naeva bent over the parchment, took the long black feather in her hand, and began scribbling furiously. "I had heard that the Travelers of the Black Tower are even _more_ proficient than the Aes Sedai!" She babbled brightly as she wrote. "When it occurred to me that I had an opportunity for my word to reach the Al'Cairi Palace so quickly, I started off without even knowing where I was going. My tutors are always chiding me for being flighty." She set the feather back down with a chiming laugh and fluttered the paper in the air with her hand to dry the wet ink before folding it in thirds.

Rowley blinked a few times. "Well, we do be having skilled Travelers. If ye wish, I do no mind carrying yer letter to the Traveling Grounds and seeing it be on its way. It do be raining, and I would no want to see ye Ladies sully yer fine silks through the mud outside."

Naeva jumped to her feet in excitement. She pressed the parchment into Rowley's hand and closed his fingers around it with her own. "Oh, would you? It is quite urgent, you see." Naeva took a hasty step backward, as if embarrassed with herself, and fiddled with her skirt. "The young Lord- oh, I must not mention his name, but he has been much too forward with me of late. I have become nervous of his attention, and I thought I might explain my disinterest to him more easily in writing than I can in person. The way he _looks_ at me-"

"Ye have no need to explain further, Lady Evana," Rowley interjected. "The young Lord ought be right shamed to distress ye so. It do be an honor to carry yer letter, and ye have me assurance it be reaching the lout today." He bent at the waist to bow even more deeply than he had at first. "If ye be needing anything further during yer stay in the Black Tower, please do no hesitate to ask fer me by name."

Naeva smiled. "Light shine on you, Asha'man Rowley, for you are a proper gentleman."

The Asha'man puffed up his posture as he returned her smile. "It do warm me heart to hear that, Lady Evana. Will ye Ladies be navigating yer way back to yer quarters with no trouble?"

Naeva laid a hand upon her chest – fingers splayed – and laughed. "I am confident in our ability to retrace our steps. Please accept my most sincere gratitude for your help." She bobbed another curtsy.

Alluka stood to mimic the graceful action once again. It was almost starting to feel like she was getting good at it. "Thank you _very_ much, Asha'man Rowley." She put a bit of purr into her voice, then tried very hard not to ruin the effort by giggling.

Rowley escorted them from the room and bowed once more before he set off, clutching at the folded letter like it was something precious. Alluka could only serve her best friend an awestruck stare at how easily she'd maneuvered the entire situation.

Naeva caught her look and blushed crimson again – but this time it seemed genuine. She held her hand and they walked at a casual pace back to the stairwell that they'd descended. Once there, they began racing upward. The top floor was only five steps away when they were passed by a blur that blew her hair back.

Alluka winced. _Well, I guess I shouldn't have expected it all could go so perfectly._

In the blink of an eye Killua was glowering down from the step above them, and Gon only a split second behind him. She honestly wasn't sure which one of them looked angrier.

Alluka mustered a smile. "Onii-chan, Gon-kun, you two look nice!"

Gon responded well to that, some of his trembling anger melting into relief. "Where were you two?"

Killua seemed not to hear her at all. He curled his hands to tight fists and his voice shook as he burst out, "There's no excuse for the both of you disappearing like that! Do you have any goddamn clue-" He recoiled and his furious words choked off abruptly. His eyes were very round as he stared down at Naeva.

"Wow." Gon leaned down to look closer at Naeva's eyes. "You look kind of familiar."

Alluka just could not help the awkward laughter that left her throat at that. She'd been anxious enough throughout the expedition to have completely forgotten that Naeva had altered her appearance.

Naeva glanced between Killua and Gon, then let go of Alluka's hand and stared regretfully down at the stone steps. "The blame is mine for this, alright? It was all my idea, and Alluka only went along because I wanted her to."

Killua finally recovered from the shock of Naeva's disguise and his glare returned full force. He remained silent, but a muscle in his jaw twitched.

Gon glanced toward Killua. "They did come right back, so maybe we should give them a chance to explain."

Naeva peered up hopefully and then grimaced when Killua's expression only darkened further. He still didn't say anything, which was an unfortunate sign of how upset he was.

Alluka frowned. "Onii-chan, I-"

"Alluka," Killua spoke to her at last, but he didn't shift his glare from Naeva, "I think you should go back to the room. Gon might want to go with you."

She pulled in a deep breath – prepared to tell him exactly how stupid she thought that was – and then he gave her a pleading look. Her resistance gave way beneath the weight of anguish in his eyes, even if it only showed for an instant. Alluka nodded her head and slipped quietly up the rest of the stairs. Gon followed after her, but his presence did little to assuage the guilt she was feeling.

* * *

Naeva decided she would let Killua speak first, but he remained silent. It was only the sound of the door at the end of the corridor closing behind Alluka and Gon that prompted him to do something other than glower down at her. He turned and Naeva watched him go up the last few steps to lean wearily against the windowsill at the top.

She felt remorse burning like acid in her throat and gulped, as if she could swallow that sensation away. Then she forced herself up the stairs to face Killua's anger. _I thought about how to carefully code my message to Moiraine and how to enlist someone to deliver it to the Traveling Grounds. I crafted a disguise and a sympathetic tale to go along with it. I removed my ring and inverted every weave I channeled so that I could sneak around undetected. Not_ _once during any of that did I bother to think how Killua, Gon, or even Logain might feel if they discovered that Alluka and I had gone missing._ She leaned her back against the wall beside him and stared ahead at nothing in particular.

There was a considerable silence before Killua spoke. "Would you get rid of that damn disguise already?"

Naeva clapped her hands to undo the inverted Mirror of Mists, then released Saidar altogether. The familiar ache of loss as the One Power ebbed away left her feeling sorrowful. She was tempted to take hold of the Void, but did not. It always seemed to upset Killua, and he certainly did not need any more reason to be upset with her at present.

Killua turned toward her and it took a great deal of willpower to meet his gaze. He was having difficulty maintaining his glare, indigo eyes repeatedly softening with hurt before darkening again with fury.

"I know that I should not have gone off without saying anything," Naeva said, and his brows lifted in surprise.

"And just when did you come to that revelation?" Killua asked.

"Only after I realized that we had not gotten back in time," Naeva admitted. _I would change so many poor decisions if I could, Killua, but I cannot._ "I truly am sorry."

Killua narrowed his eyes again sharply. "Do you know what kind of thoughts ran through my mind when I saw that the room was empty? The only thing I didn't immediately suspect was that you would've gone off to sneak around the Tower without _telling_ me."

"I went to send a message to Moiraine," Naeva started her pitiable explanation as evenly as she could, "to tell her about Abrim and what he did to the King. Getting that message out was important. I could have talked it over with you, and in hindsight I know that I should have, but-" Her voice thinned. _But what? What am I trying to say?_ Words that she had not been prepared to speak began spewing forth from her reluctant lips. "I should have seen what was wrong with Abe... long ago, I should have seen it. He was so gentle, always timid and unsure. While I was thinking only of myself, Ishamael was already sinking his teeth into that vulnerability. So much wrong could have been prevented if I had only reached out to Abe first, if I had been more considerate to him. I have always been selfish and stupid, and now I-" Belatedly, she realized she was crying. Naeva averted her face and wiped a sleeve roughly over her cheeks to dry the tears away. Silk was not terribly absorbent, a problem as nettlesome as it was insignificant.

There was a long period of silence, during which Naeva did her best to steel herself for Killua's response. What he finally said was nothing like what she had been prepared to hear.

"You aren't selfish, Naeva. You can be incredibly, frustratingly stupid... but you aren't selfish." Killua's hand curled gently around her wrist, and she turned to face him again with the shock she felt plain in her expression. "It isn't like you act to benefit yourself. Instead, you act like every single problem in the world – in any world – is your personal responsibility. I'll tell you right now that you aren't responsible for Abrim's betrayal and you aren't responsible for Ishamael or Moghedien being evil."

Naeva bristled up and opened her mouth to argue, but he went smoothly on before she could get a word out.

"I asked around about your mother today," Killua said. "They have an enormous painting of her hanging in the library here. You've heard your whole life that you look just like her, right?"

Naeva was nothing if not baffled by the sudden change of topic. Stiffly, she nodded.

Killua lifted his hand to touch lightly over her brow before resting his palm against her cheek. He was studying her very seriously. "It was only a painting, but I could pick out quite a few ways that you look different."

Naeva's eyes widened at that. She floundered for any suitable response and found none.

Killua dropped his hands and slipped his thumbs through the belt loops on his britches. Then he smiled, and she felt peculiarly warmed by the sight. "Ya know, I think I just might be able to forgive you for what you did today."

That had the distinct sound of a sentence that should be followed with 'under one condition'. Regardless, it was nice to hear. "I will not do anything like that again."

Killua's smile became his signature smirk. "No, you won't. You're going to make me your Warder, and that oughtta take care of it."

Naeva fixed him with her most scathing glare. "I have already given you my reason-"

"I don't care. Your reason is really stupid." Killua bent slightly to be at eye level with her, and he was quite solemn about it. "You aren't going to die, okay?"

Her face flushed, and she was sorely tempted to take a step back from his stare. Only stubbornness kept her from doing so. "You do not know that."

Killua straightened. "Maybe I don't, but the last thing we need to do is revolve our plans around the worst case scenario. There's nothing to be gained from making the assumption that you're going to die. So you aren't, and that's that." He shrugged his shoulders. "Plus, there's all that business about omens that Mat was spouting. It sounded like you haven't fulfilled them all yet, and he seemed to think you have to be alive to do so. Don't you have some doll to collect from a grinning fox?"

Naeva frowned. "Min's visions are... open to interpretation." She shook her head and firmed her posture. "Besides, you really do not know what you are asking for."

Killua arched an eyebrow. "Fine. Let's imagine that I immediately change my mind. Would you be able to remove the Warder Bond, if I asked you to?"

 _Blood and bloody ashes._ Naeva scowled. She thought about lying, but that seemed petulant. "I would."

His look became aggravatingly triumphant. "So then we have no reason not to give it a try. Otherwise, like I said, I _won't_ be able to forgive you."

Naeva's heart rate sped. _This cannot be happening. I swore to myself that I would never Bond a Warder! Burn Logain and his loose tongue for ever bringing it up!_ "Killua, I-" _I am terrified of this._

"Just get it over with," Killua overrode her weak protest easily.

Naeva studied him for any sign that he had doubts and ultimately found none. Something within her gave way, crumbled to dust beneath the surety in his expression. "You will tell me immediately to remove it if it bothers you." It was not really a question, but Killua nodded anyway. _I can get rid of the blasted Bond once we are back home. For here and now... burn me, burn it all! Get it over with, he says._ Naeva raised both hands to lay one against his brow and the other flat on his chest, parallel to the floor. Then she began to channel. It was a complex weave, despite that it was comprised solely of Spirit. Naeva laid over one hundred threads around herself and Killua in an intricate pattern and then, without allowing herself to hesitate, connected them to each other.

The weave flashed and vanished, but she could feel it settling beneath her skin and reorganizing her mind. There was a place in her head reserved solely for the awareness of Killua, now. Her already frantic heartbeat quickened. He would be feeling the same keen awareness of her. Naeva dropped her hands and clasped them tensely together.

Killua's eyes were wide. "You're tired. I can _feel_ how tired. It's held at bay, though, like you're purposefully ignoring it." He put a hand to his head and frowned. "You're anxious, too. And-"

"Yes, I know all of that," Naeva cut him off hurriedly. "How do you feel?"

Killua opened his mouth to reply and then closed it with a smirk. He did give an answer, but a cheeky one. "Don't you know without asking?"

Internally, Naeva looked to the pocket of her mind that held the Warder Bond. "You feel... confident, and calm." She took a moment to settle her pounding heart and her many anxieties. Unexpectedly, feeling Killua's assurance in her mind helped.

"I'm calm because I finally feel like we stand a better chance." Killua paused to draw in a steady breath. "Now, what do we do about how tired you are?"

"I will sleep, just as anyone else does." Naeva made an effort to speak lightly. "The dreams are unpleasant, but Ishamael does not want to kill me."

Killua took one of her hands between both of his. "You feel sick just thinking about it. Naeva, what-" His words cut off abruptly and he turned his attention to the stairwell. Several seconds later she heard the sound of heavy footsteps and Logain came into view. He was carrying a covered platter, and as he walked up a mouthwatering aroma accompanied him.

"Dinner, as promised." Logain stared flatly between the two of them. "Did I interrupt something private? I might suggest a more secluded place than the corridor for that sort of thing."

She felt Killua's rush of mortification even before the blush colored his cheeks. He released her hand and shot her a reproachful glare – probably at being able to sense her burgeoning mirth – before he stepped forward to accept the tray of food. "Any chance we get dessert, too?"

Logain brushed his palms together. "Despite what you may think, I am one of the most powerful men in the world, Killua. I have neither the time nor the inclination to add sating your sweet tooth to the list of things I worry about." He swept his imperious gaze to Naeva. "A rumor has come to my attention that I must address."

Naeva put on a smile. "What sort of rumor?"

The M'Hael drew himself up to his full height. "The Tower is abuzz with talk of a pair of pretty young noblewomen, one of whom goes by the name Lady Evana. It seems she made quite the lasting impression on one of my Asha'man."

"Ha, and they say men do not gossip," Naeva muttered, fretting her hands together in guilt that she could not suppress. Neither Killua nor Logain found any humor in her attempted jest.

Killua gave her a carefully guarded look, but she could feel that he was both shocked and angry again. "Lady Evana? You went with an _anagram?_ "

Logain regarded her with hard disapproval. "The more easily distracted men are all milling about downstairs hoping they may catch a glimpse of these Ladies and pretending they are doing anything but. I have heard that the Lady Evana is awfully free with her affection. She is too sweet, as they tell it, to understand what she does." He shook his head slowly. "I presume that you at least had the good sense to wear a Mirror of Mists?"

Naeva had enough time to nod before Killua cut in.

"They can't be talking about _you._ " He looked and felt appalled. "What the hell did you get up to down there?"

Naeva cringed. "They are exaggerating, obviously."

"What does free with affection even mean?" Killua spluttered, then shut his eyes and shook his head vigorously. "I changed my mind. Don't bother answering that." After a moment, he opened his eyes again and addressed Logain. "Naeva realizes that she was wrong to sneak around downstairs, and it won't happen again."

"I can speak for myself," Naeva snapped, then forcibly smoothed the sulkiness that had come over her expression. "And I _am_ sorry, M'Hael."

After a lengthy pause, Logain nodded once. "Evidently you have already been reprimanded, and so I shall consider the matter resolved. As I can do nothing to undo what rumors have already taken wing, I suppose you are free to don the countenance of Lady Evana and venture below just so long as you do not step one foot outside of the Tower proper." She was mightily surprised by the concession, and no less so than Killua was. Logain then swept a more observant glance over her. "You look fatigued, Naeva-Sedai. I can alleviate that again with Healing, if you wish it."

"Thank you, M'Hael, but I shall endure. Tolerating another dream is well worth the strength I gain from proper sleep." Naeva tried to speak lightly, but the weight of worry in Logain's eyes made it difficult.

Logain frowned. "Have you reconsidered Bonding a Warder to watch over you? A good number of my Asha'man would gladly volunteer for-"

"That's taken care of," Killua interjected. Though he sounded nonchalant, there was a current of annoyance flooding the Bond.

Logain's brows rose and he looked between them again. "So it is, then." His dark eyed gaze honed on Killua. It was an intimidating look, but it did not rattle him. "I shall trust to your ability, then. If the situation tonight turns even slightly to the unexpected, I also trust that you will send for me without delay. Am I understood?"

"Yes, M'Hael." Killua bowed respectfully.

Naeva did her best not to goggle at his sudden display of manners. _I would not have predicted that. A snappy comeback, certainly. Arrogant assurance, perhaps... but not that. Did I mess with his head when I placed the Bond?_

Killua darted a glare in her direction. "Stop staring like that, Naeva. I can be polite when I feel like it."

She tried with all her might not to laugh – she really, truly did – but it had been a ludicrously stressful day and her self-control was worn thin by exhaustion. The giggle bubbled up until she could not contain it and she was forced to turn away, clapping both hands over her mouth to stifle the noise. "S-sorry!" Her attempted apology was little more than a squeak and it set her off again. Naeva leaned against the wall for support until the hysteria had subsided. _Light! Am I going mad?_

"You had best be sure that she gets food and then rest." Logain spoke to Killua as if she was not standing right there. "Removing fatigue even once to such a degree as I was forced to do can be unhealthy. She is twice as tired as she should be right now from my having done so in the first place." He looked her over again, expression softening, and then right back to Killua. "There are precautions to be instated within the Black Tower and I must be off, but there is nothing I will not drop at once if I am needed."

"Yes, M'Hael," Killua said again.

Naeva waved a hand, not trusting herself to open her mouth lest she give in to another humiliating bout of laughter. Logain studied her one last time before starting back down the stairs.

Killua, burdened with the dinner tray, prodded at her with his elbow. "Go on. I don't plan on eating dinner in the hallway. Also, Alluka probably still thinks that I'm mad at her."

At the reminder of her best friend, Naeva quashed her reluctance and set course for the room. When she opened the door, Alluka and Gon were sitting across the table from one another and shuffling through the papers and books Logain had found.

Alluka jumped up to offer her brother a hesitant, remorseful smile.

Gon, eyes going first to the silver platter, gathered up the clutter and carried it to the desk.

Once he had put their dinner down on the emptied table, Killua went to his sister and pulled her into a hug. "I'm not angry anymore. Everything's okay now, Alluka."

She snuggled against him, sniffling a little. "I'm so sorry that we worried you."

"I know," Killua said easily, and patted a hand over her hair.

Gon approached, and as he did Naeva's stomach swam with guilt. She had not forgotten that his anger earlier had been on par with Killua's. When she opened her mouth to apologize, Gon lifted his hand to forestall her. "Alluka already explained everything. Plus, I'm pretty sure Killua yelled at you enough." He brightened with a cheery smile. "Let's eat dinner, okay?"

Naeva smiled in return, her spirits considerably uplifted. She stood on tiptoe to kiss Gon's cheek. "Have I told you lately how marvelous you are, Gon?"

Killua clicked his tongue irritably and grumbled something under his breath that sounded suspiciously like ' _free with affection, huh'_. She decided to let the Bond speak her indignation for her as she took a seat at the table.

Alluka hurried to sit beside her and they exchanged relieved grins. Her best friend spoke up wonderingly, "You look like you're feeling better, Naeva-chan."

Naeva allowed herself to ponder that. "I do feel better." Although she had expected to be miserable about it, Killua's presence in her mind was strangely encouraging. Still, she felt justified in teasing him a little. "Your brother issued me an ultimatum," she grumbled. "So he is a Warder, now. I suppose I ought scrounge around for a color-shifting cloak so he can look the part."

Gon's jaw dropped comically and he turned his rounded eyes on Killua. "Seriously? What's it like? Do you feel stronger? We should spar! Oh, but maybe now isn't the time. Are you really gonna get one of those awesome camouflage cloaks?"

Killua absorbed the barrage of questions with admirable composure, despite the rush of his embarrassment in her head. He cleared his throat. "Yes, seriously. It's complicated. I feel like I have a new depth of strength in reserve to pull from. We're definitely sparring when this is all over to test it out. And Naeva was only joking about the cloak, but I really do want one."

 _Whoa, there._ Naeva pursed her lips to keep from laughing. She was both surprised and impressed that he had answered every question.

Alluka glanced at her, blue eyes sparkling. "Oh, I'm so glad! I should have given you more credit." She shook her head with a fond smile. "I thought for sure that you'd be too hard-headed to give in, and you were so sad about it that I didn't want to push you."

Naeva responded in a wry tone, "I am too hard-headed to give in, but on this singular occasion it seems that Killua had me beat."

Gon began the process of uncovering the bounty of food Logain had brought. The instant Naeva saw the first that was revealed – roast pheasant – her mouth watered voraciously. It was a struggle to keep her motions slow and mindful while she filled her plate. The first taste – she had scooped potato and gravy and peas together – actually made her hum with satisfaction. She then caught Killua staring at her. He had been chewing very slowly on a bite of buttered roll, but looked swiftly away when she noticed his attention.

"It's weird," Killua said. "I can feel how happy you are about the food and it makes what _I'm_ eating taste better."

There was so much more nuance to the Warder Bond than she had been prepared for.

Very deliberately, Naeva put another scoop in her mouth and savored it.


	22. The Effects of the Bond

Naeva continued down what seemed to be an endless flight of marble stairs. When she looked back, they extended high above until they were obscured by a mass of gray clouds. Below her, the stairs went ever downward until they vanished into swirling white mist. She could not even see the ground. _Is there ground down there at all? Why am I all alone? How did I-_ She halted. _This place is too empty. How in the Light did I get here?_

Gazing about her ethereal surroundings more intently now, her heart began racing. _No place like this truly exists, and so... I must be dreaming. This is a dream! I was in the Black Tower. I am in the Black Tower!_ Thinking back, she could remember going to bed curled up beside Alluka. _I will not lose my awareness._ That image – of Alluka already sleeping peacefully – she held solidly in her thoughts to stabilize herself.

"Ishamael?" Naeva called out. There was not much point in waiting for him to begin things on his terms. Her voice echoed tangibly in the emptiness around her, but there was no response.

Far above, the clouds darkened and rumbled with a burgeoning storm.

 _I will not play his game tonight._ Naeva stepped to the edge of that odd, floating staircase and looked down at nothing but empty white. Despite the way that made her head spin, a smile rose to her lips. She closed her eyes and visualized Alluka with as much clarity as possible. Then, she jumped.

Her body convulsed as she sank with a splash into deep, cool water. Naeva almost gasped, but thankfully kept her mouth closed and the breath in her lungs. Her eyes opened and at first all she could see was murky darkness, but then there was a distant glimmer of light that must be the surface. She swam for it. Progress was slow as she was impeded by her heavy velvet dress. Her lungs were burning when she reemerged into open air.

Naeva breathed sweet oxygen and found herself smiling again. _This is a dream! I can handle this._ She stared upward to see a night sky bright with stars and a full moon. Those dark, pendulous clouds were at a distance now. Though it had been only pleasantly cool at first, the water began to turn cold. She swam herself around for a while, and only when her limbs were beginning to feel numb did she see anything but more water.

Finally, Ishamael had shown himself. He was reclining leisurely in a small rowboat, and when she looked at him he frowned. "Why did you jump? You might have actually died if I had not been so quick thinking with the water."

As the impulse struck her, Naeva let herself laugh at him. "I was feeling brave."

Ishamael's frown twitched and the water chilled even further. "You Bonded a Warder. Did you think I would not _feel_ that? I almost did not come tonight, for fear that my temper may be too volatile." His eyes were glassy as he turned his face to stare out into the night. "Why are you so determined to resist me?"

Naeva continued treading water, though the formerly placid surface was becoming tumultuous. _Is he truly so deep in my head that he can sense the Bond?_ The thought made her feel sick. "I will not serve you, Ishamael. I will not serve the Dark One."

The Forsaken sighed, plain disappointment in the sound and etched onto his handsome face. "Swim to the boat, my Lady. The waters are rough, and there is a terrible storm moving in."

Naeva managed to shake her head to demonstrate refusal, despite that her teeth were now chattering. The icy cold felt bone deep. Waves were buffeting her, but the patch of water upon which Ishamael sat in his boat was calm. Her skirt kept tangling around her kicking feet and threatening to drag her under.

Ishamael extended his hand in her direction. _Is the boat nearer, now?_ She had only blinked, but she was certain that it had moved. Ishamael's open palm was within reach and his smile was warm – the only source of heat in this place. "Come, now. Allow me to help you up."

Naeva shook her head once again, and a strong wave crashed over her to throw her underwater. Her limbs struggled against the powerful current and failed to bring her any closer to the light refracting at the surface. Every second she slipped deeper and the murky water darkened. The edges of her vision blurred, blackened, and she was going to have to take a breath even though it would mean drowning.

The very next moment Naeva found herself lying on her back on a sandy beach. She coughed hard while her surroundings spun and she fought for equilibrium. The sun high above in a vividly blue sky shone down to soak warmth into her frozen skin. She was not alone for long.

Ishamael sat beside her in the sand, gazing up at the cloudless sky.

Naeva rolled, tried to scramble to her feet and run away, but she was not fast enough. Ishamael grabbed her around the waist and pulled her back. He stared into her eyes sadly. She glared up at him for all she was worth.

"We were married on a beach like this, on a day even more beautiful than I can recreate here." Ishamael kept one steely arm around her waist and ran a touch over her collarbone. _My...?_ She glanced down at herself and was shocked to discover that she was now in a white silk dress, low cut and clinging to her shape. Red and black flower blossoms were painstakingly embroidered across the sleeves and bodice. Tiny pearls centered each flower, lined the neckline and hems. It was a wedding gown.

Naeva had only enough time to realize that before Ishamael was kissing her. She shuddered and writhed and he pressed his body down onto her to make all of her struggling useless. His hand trailed along her side, stroked lightly over her hip. She could do nothing about it. His fingers slid back up over the smooth silk and then he broke the kiss with a soft laugh.

"I am looking forward to the day you kiss me back, my Lady." Ishamael's voice was honeyed and mirthful.

"Light _burn_ you. Burn you, Forsaken!" Naeva swore venomously. Her face was flushed, but that was anger. She was proud of herself for not crying like she had the last time.

All trace of musement drained from Ishamael's face. "You must cease trying to provoke me. I do not wish to hurt you. I never want to see you be hurt." He squeezed her tightly and did not relent to let her breathe again until her vision had flooded with dark spots. "You should know that I have despised these companions of yours from the start." His eyes narrowed and his hand grabbed a fistful of her hair to jerk her head back. "And then you went and _Bonded_ one of them! I cannot and I will not forgive that." There was the feel of sharp teeth scraping very gingerly across her throat.

 _I am dreaming! I am asleep in bed beside Alluka, and I will wake up. This cannot last, I will wake up soon!_ Naeva kept her eyes shut, repeating the thoughts again and again like the most urgent prayer.

Ishamael's weight left her suddenly and she peeked her eyes open. She was lying on a soft bed, and for the tiniest instant she dared to hope that she had woken. _No. No, I am still dreaming. I am still being pulled about by him._

Naeva sat up. Ishamael was nowhere, and then he was sitting on the edge of the bed and watching her. Her instant glower did not take any effort. "I learned about Kiende," she said.

The Forsaken flinched, much to her satisfaction. His expression then fell, wracked with grief. "Kiende, my Kiende. Perhaps you will take that name again, my Lady, when you are ready to join me."

Naeva kept her gaze steady on his own. "Kiende would not join you. I will not join you, either."

He stood up in a jerky motion, obsidian eyes now emptied of anything but his insanity. "Just what do you think you know? Kiende made a mistake!" Ishamael roared, mouth replaced by red flame. Then he turned away, shoulders shaking with rage. When he looked back to her, that fire was gone but the rage was not. "You made a _mistake._ " His voice was hoarse, roughened by heartache. Sorrow warred with the fury in his expression. "I was too late, and you were gone. You were gone before I could reach you... you were already cold. You opened the veins in your wrists and bled out on our bed. I can still see it, as clearly as if it happened yesterday. Why did you do that? _Why_ did you abandon me?"

Naeva willed herself to avoid showing any emotional response to that, though it struck a chord of horror within her. "Kiende killed herself because she knew that you would come for her." She did not know where that certainty came from, but the words kept flowing forth and she felt as she spoke them that they were true. "After what you had done, what you had become, she preferred death to the thought of ever seeing you again."

"Lies." Ishamael spoke in little more than a whisper, and for some reason that frightened her far more than his shouting had. "You are _lying_ , because you wish to anger me." He drew in a shaky breath. "But I will not lose you again. Not ever again." He sank down onto the bed beside her.

She wanted to move away, to at least make the attempt at running, but she could not move a muscle. _Light help me! Why can I not move?_

The Forsaken crept to her slowly and pushed her back down. His hands traced a path from her face down her body. "You cannot continue to avoid me, darling. I shall have to work harder to show you how you how serious I am about that." He pushed the white silk of her skirt up to her waist and then he was dragging just his fingertips – whisper soft – across the skin of her thigh. "We shall be reunited in the waking world very soon, and then everything will be right."

The gown was gone in an instant and she was wearing nothing but smallclothes. Naeva blinked, but that was all she could do. Her heart was hammering against her rib cage. _I will wake up. I have to wake up!_ She wanted to shout her defiance, to spew vitriol up at his hateful face, but she was paralyzed beneath his unwelcome touch.

"This incarnation of yours is as lovely as any of the previous," Ishamael said quietly. "I remember you from before you were Kiende, you know. In lifetimes beyond counting, we have loved one another. Our souls will always yearn for one another, and always, I will follow that yearning straight to you." The lunacy in his gaze intensified until she felt swallowed up by it. "The Wheel weaves us an unkind fate time and time again, and only the Great Lord of the Dark has power enough to change that. As _Nae'blis,_ that power is as good as my own. This time, I will ensure that our love does not meet an untimely end. This I swear to you, my Lady. I _love_ you."

 _Love?_ She had forgotten something important and she knew it with grave certainty. Panic overwhelmed her. _Where am I? How did I get here?_ Her throat seized and could not produce even a whimper. Those black eyes above her were vaguely familiar, but only in that she was sure she should be wary of them. For a nauseous moment the man's face morphed and cycled through too many differing appearances to keep track. One such ignited a spark of remembrance within her.

 _Elan!_ A wave of calm broke over her. Her surroundings were not so dangerous, after all. Why had she ever thought that they might be? This was only her bedroom – their bedroom. Elan's hands tugged at the laces of her brassiere for access to the bare skin underneath and she could have laughed at her prior foolishness. _Elan, my-_ A quick image in her mind of a different room and a raven haired girl. _I know her... Alluka? Alluka-chan! But I- Light, this is a dream! Light help me, I nearly lost myself!_

An insidious black dot trekked across the whites of Ishamael's eyes. "You will be with me soon because you _want_ to be with me. You cannot continue this way, denying the truth of who you are." His hand trailed slowly up from her chest to her throat. Naeva could not even cry. He nuzzled his face against her neck. "Forgive me this, darling. You may consider it a message for the Warder." There was a tiny moment of pain as his teeth sank into her skin.

Naeva's muscles unfroze and she let loose a scream.

* * *

Killua sat at Naeva's bedside. A spike of alarm sensed through the Warder Bond had prompted him to wake in the hours just before dawn, a signal that the nightmare had begun. Alluka had woken up when he came into the room and made a brief and futile attempt to rouse her best friend. She'd looked close to tears then, but she pulled herself together and left to take a bath. When she returned, she sat and kept vigil with him as the sun rose on the horizon. Naeva would occasionally mumble something unintelligible, nearer to a whimper than speech. Disturbingly, she also stopped breathing multiple times.

Only a few minutes ago Alluka had lamented that she needed to feel helpful, and when Gon joined them in the room she'd bounded up to announce that the two of them would go to the kitchen and return with something for breakfast.

Alone now, he wasn't really putting any effort into keeping calm. Killua kept darting nervous glances out the window to track the progress of the sun and gauge how much time had passed.

A hot spark of pain – Naeva's pain – flashed into his mind. She sat upright with a gasp and slapped her hand down onto her shoulder. A thin trickle of blood slipped from beneath her fingers. Her pale eyes were wide with fright.

"Killua...?" Naeva focused on him, although it looked like a struggle to do so. Her emotions were a jumbled concoction of pain, fury, and horror, and then gradually eased. She was trying to force herself to composure, he realized. There was a rushing sensation of her reassurance pouring into his mind. That was startling. He'd had no idea that the emotional connection of the Warder Bond could be used willfully like that.

While the room lapsed to silence, Killua moved to sit on the edge of the bed. His gaze was continually drawn to the red blood that was beginning to spread darkly across the neckline of her nightgown. _I need to say something. I should at least ask her if she's alright. Except... I know that she isn't._ He put out a hand and attempted to pry hers away from where she was holding it over the wound. _It can't be that bad. There isn't too much blood._ The muscles in her arm tightened, unwilling to move. He wasn't about to force her.

"I am awake." Naeva's eyes flickered to the window and she let out a breathy laugh. "It seems that I made it through to morning. This was a small victory."

Killua made himself ignore the blood for long enough to lock his eyes on hers. "Let me see what happened."

She shook her head. "It is nothing. You can feel that I am not badly hurt, yes? I can bandage such a little thing on my own."

He frowned, only more concerned by her staunch refusal. Focusing internally, he tried to analyze his awareness of her injury. _Only the surface of her skin is damaged. Still..._ "Wouldn't it be better to just ask for Healing? Naeva, move your hand." His voice was lower, softer than he'd expected it to be.

"I do not want to," Naeva whispered. Her eyebrows drooped and her lips trembled into a stubborn frown. There was a different kind of fear permeating their connection now, laced thickly with guilt. "Ishamael wants to rile us, and I will not let him."

Killua curled his fingers over hers. "Please." He put as much sincerity as possible into that and she faltered, very worried. _Why is she so worried?_ "I'm going to start imagining the absolute worst if you don't just show me what happened." Well, that was equally sincere.

Naeva only stared at him for an extended moment before at last, reluctantly, she lowered her hand.

Killua became very still, experiencing a sudden battle to remain rational. _It's a bite. W_ _ould I even have imagined worse than that?_ It looked like Ishamael's teeth had cut into the skin above her collarbone. Killua pulled in a deep breath, then went to Naeva's bag in the corner of the room to find a handkerchief he could press against the still seeping blood.

"I am fine, now. Truly, I am," Naeva said, without looking at him. She was nothing like fine.

 _Ishamael wants to rile us._ Red was blossoming already on the little square of silk in his hand. Killua kept firm pressure over the injury and put his other arm around Naeva. "Stop trying to comfort me," he chided her. "None of this is fine." He slid his fingers through her hair to comb it behind her ears, and finally managed to relax after she did. Naeva wrapped her arms around him and he felt some calm settle into her. "Do you want to talk about it?"

Naeva shook her head against him mutely.

 _Of course she doesn't want to talk about it._ Killua realized with a shock that the quivering he could feel was coming from him. In his anger, his self-control had fallen by the wayside. _What is he doing to her?_ He swallowed down the lump of rage in his throat. "Wait right here and I'll go find the M'Hael so he can Heal you, okay?"

That made Naeva look up in a hurry. "No." She glanced around the room and blinked. "It is as well that Alluka is not here. Nobody else should..." She pulled herself away, replacing his hand to hold the handkerchief and rising to her feet. "I can clean it up and dress it and nobody else will have to know."

For a second or two, he could only stare at her. _She thinks that she always has to be alone with what hurts her... it just isn't right._ Deciding he wouldn't be able to tolerate her arguing this point any further, Killua grabbed the pack that held her things and picked her up just as easily in his other arm. They were in the room with the copper tubs in an instant and he set her back down on her feet. "Fill the tub, would you?"

Naeva whirled on him, bristling like an angry cat. "I do _not_ suddenly need someone to bathe me!"

At that thought – which had been the furthest thing from his mind – his cheeks burned. "You're such an _idiot_ girl! I'm only going to help you put a damn bandage on. You can handle bathing on your own."

Naeva shrank back a bit, humiliated. She turned her reddened face toward one of the tubs and it promptly was full of hot water.

Killua clawed back some modicum of composure and pulled the handkerchief from her shoulder. It stuck slightly, making him wince. He dipped a clean corner of the cloth into the water and then patted it over the bite. It still looked gruesome, but he was able to clean the blood away. He could feel his expression darkening the longer he looked at that mark. _That's exactly what this is. Ishamael was marking her._ His stomach twisted queasily as he tried not to visualize any of it. _I wish she would let someone Heal it away._ He went to the shelves to scan over the assortment of glass jars that he could only assume were medicinal. _And... I don't have the slightest idea what I'm looking for._

Naeva reached around him to select a tall green jar, then put it back in favor of a blue jar. She pulled the cork from the top to scent its contents. "Violet Emorin and Stitchroot, I believe. This is suitable."

Killua plucked the jar from her hand, then dabbed some of the salve atop the wound. "Will you pull your sleeve down a little?" Naeva tugged the silk aside to bare her shoulder while he swapped the herbal salve for a roll of linen. He ran the bandaging underneath her arm and over her shoulder until the mark was well covered. Then he sharpened one finger to a dangerous point, and sliced the linen from the rest of the roll so he could tie it.

Naeva glanced just briefly at the bandage before nodding once. "Please, do not tell anyone else of this, or... of how afraid I was." That was a request, not a demand as he might've expected.

"I won't." Killua turned away and started for the door. "Alluka and Gon will be back with breakfast soon. I intend to talk with you about this, but we can eat first."

"Killua?"

He glanced back with his fingers already resting on the door handle. Her gaze on him was gentle and earnest. Through the Bond, he felt a flood of gratefulness.

"Don't." Killua spoke quickly when her lips parted. "I haven't done anything you need to thank me for." _I haven't done anything at all. I just sat there and waited for Ishamael to be done with attacking her._

Naeva smiled. There she stood in a bloodstained nightgown with his hastily wrapped bandage over her shoulder and still, somehow, she wanted to smile at him. "I will tell you instead that I am glad." Her voice brightened. "If I had to Bond anyone as Warder, I am very glad that it was you, Killua."

He had no idea how to respond to that. Of anything she could've said, _that_ hit him hard in an unexpected way. Killua slipped from the room in silence. He remained there in the hall, leaning back against the door and trying to force his heart back to a normal rhythm. _She's glad? What good has me being her Warder done for her so far? That bite was meant to be seen. By her Warder. By me._ _How close was- damn it, I need to stop this. She's right. Ishamael is trying to rile us, he wants us panicking and making mistakes._ His jaw clenched at the thought. _Well, he doesn't know who I am._

There had to be more he could do. There had to be something that could be done about the dreams. He was beginning to fear that Naeva's resiliency might not survive many more of those encounters. _Five weeks until Nanika wakes up. How the hell are we going to make it that long?_ If he only knew where to find Ishamael... but as everyone here repeatedly told him, the Forsaken was diabolical. Ishamael would not risk himself without being certain of reward.

For a moment, Killua could sense that Naeva was cold. Then there was the sound of splashing water from behind the door and it synchronized with a rush of warmth in his mind. He could feel her relief and appreciation for the hot water as she sank herself into it.

Killua had to shake himself to clear those sensations from his mind. It took focus, but he realized he could dim the awareness of Naeva to a less distracting level. Sweat was beading unpleasantly on his forehead. He shrugged off his coat – purple velvet embroidered flamboyantly with black roses – and wished the air was not so stagnant in this corridor. It was at least more tolerable without the coat on. He'd almost begun to feel comfortable wearing thin silk shirts every day; they were surprisingly breathable.

 _So where do I start? How do I even begin to guess what is or isn't possible in this world?_ Killua closed his eyes and worked to sort his frantic thoughts into logical order. _There are only two acceptable ways for this to go. Either Ishamael dies – soon_ – _or we return safely together to our world before any worse damage is done. The first is only feasible if the bastard shows himself. If he does, I'll kill him. The second... waiting for Nanika isn't going to work. We just don't have that kind of time if every night means Ishamael gets unfettered access to Naeva. Is there a way to stop the dreams? Is there any other way to go home?_ He didn't have enough information to get to those answers. There was just too much he didn't understand.

The sound of hurried footsteps from the stairwell at the far end of the corridor drew his attention. Alluka rounded the corner first, a small basket filled with fruit clutched in her arms. When she saw him she skidded to a halt and Gon, who'd been trailing just a step behind, very narrowly avoided crashing into her. He was carrying a covered platter. Killua could smell honey and bacon. He waved his hand at them and summoned a smile.

"Onii-chan!" Alluka bounded toward him. "Is everything okay? Has Naeva woken up?"

Killua nodded. "She's awake."

His sister peered around him at the closed door before serving him a curious look. "Are you guarding her bath? Is that some kind of Warder thing?"

"I'm not, I was just-" Killua took a hasty step away from the door. "-I was just thinking about things."

Gon frowned at him. "The dream wasn't any worse this time, then?"

Killua shifted, uncomfortable with the notion of being outright deceitful and also unwilling to go back on his word to Naeva that he would keep it to himself. There wasn't anything he could do but choose his words carefully. "Naeva's already feeling better, actually." That was certainly true. If he slacked his focus on dimming the Bond even a little he could feel how much she was enjoying the hot water.

Alluka was clearly relieved. "That's good."

Gon stepped forward to smile at Alluka. "Come on, let's go put all of this on the table."

Alluka traipsed along after Gon toward the room at the end of the hall. Killua watched them go, then leaned back again with a sigh. _I'd better get everything figured out soon. The dreams are getting worse, and too quickly._ _He bit her. He actually put his teeth- no, enough of that. If she can keep it together, I can._

His inability to form a decent plan – his lack of knowledge in this place – was incredibly aggravating. Killua was so caught up in that maelstrom of self-reproach that when the door at his back opened several minutes later he nearly lost his balance. He spun his arms and managed a neat swerve on his heel to turn around instead of toppling.

Naeva stood in the doorway, fully dried and dressed. Her blue velvet dress was tied up the front with ivory ribbon, and cream colored lace curled from the top of the high collar just beneath her chin. A gold comb decorated with a row of tiny diamonds held half of her hair drawn back from her face. His immediate, inadvertent thought was that she didn't look like someone who'd just been attacked in her sleep.

While he stared at her, Naeva's lips twitched into a smile. "Nice recovery, Killua."

Guilt surged through him and he fought against it. The last thing he wanted was to let her sense just how muddied up his own head was. She was trying to be lighthearted and doing a remarkable job at it, even with the depths of darker emotion he could feel lurking beneath. Killua stuck his thumbs through his belt loops and served her a suspicious look. "You did that on purpose."

"It was cute, the way you wobbled around and flung your arms out." Naeva glided past him while he was still scrounging for a clever response to that. "Ah, do not be so sulky. Breakfast is waiting, yes?"

* * *

After eating, Naeva flipped through one of the little leaflets without actually reading any of the words. Gon and Alluka settled together at the table to pore over one of the larger books about the Forsaken. They were currently reading a section about Aginor that was complete with detailed conjecture about the processes he had employed to create Shadowspawn during the chaotic, early years of the War of Power. Killua – true to his word that he intended to speak to her more thoroughly – mumbled an excuse that Naeva paid no mind to and then she found herself following him out into the corridor. He led them several doors down to a nearly empty storage room and waved her impatiently inside.

Naeva had been catching a simmering blend of confusion, anger, and anxiety from him all morning. It was discomfiting to no small degree that she was the cause. At present, however, all she could sense was his focus.

Killua fixed her with a hard look that she could only assume meant he would brook none of her usual obstinance. "Is there anything you can think of that could put a stop to the dreams? Some fancy _ter'angreal_ , or a special weave or something?"

Naeva shook her head. "The weave Abrim placed in my mind is a foil to mental warding." That had come from the mouth of the Dreadlord himself, then been later affirmed by Logain after Delving.

Killua raked a hand through his hair. "How about other ways to go home? I've heard several people here mention the term 'Mirror World', so I assume there's a way to travel between worlds that they're all aware of. It'd be ideal to find a method that doesn't require depending on Nanika."

"There is one way I know, but it is not a viable solution for us." Naeva hurried on to elaborate when his eyes narrowed. "Around this world are relics called Portal Stones, which are engraven with symbols and can connect to their counterparts in the near infinite number of Mirror Worlds. In theory, channeling into the correct symbol in the proper way will get you wherever you want to go, but the technique and the translations are lost. Making the attempt myself would be an unacceptable gamble. At best we would be shifted to a random world – some of them greatly more terrible than this one – and at worst it may simply kill all of us."

Killua's shoulders slumped. A note of desperation trembled through the Bond, then was abruptly gone. "Is there a way to bring someone else into the dreams? Maybe we can fight and end him there."

Compulsively, Naeva grabbed tight handfuls of the velvet of her skirt. The thought was a chilling one. "It is possible for anyone to enter _tel'aran'rhiod_ , but that would be delivering Ishamael exactly what he wants. Fighting in the World of Dreams is not how you might imagine it, Killua. Ishamael can paralyze a person, stop their heart with only a thought if they are untrained as we are. I expect that he would have happily pulled any of you in to dispose of you already, if I were not-" She stumbled over her words and had to steel herself before finishing. "-if I were not warding your sleep every night."

"You put _wards_ on us?" Killua was, and she supposed it was only understandable, quite surprised.

"It is habit. My wards encompass a perimeter, and I usually set a wide one." Naeva shrugged. "I have always done so, well before this debacle began."

There was a long silence then while Killua studied her. She almost fidgeted. At last, he asked quietly, "Are you lucid at all in the dreams, or are they really like nightmares?"

Naeva licked at her lips, hesitant to answer. "At first, it is impossible to know that I am dreaming... it takes effort, remembering, but I am getting better at that."

Killua took a step nearer to her. "How bad has it been?" His voice was even softer, there.

"There has been nothing so terrible," Naeva insisted. _Flaming Forsaken and his Light-blasted touch!_ She quietened her emotions, but only after a shiver of disgust at the accidental thought.

Poignant unease seeped into her mind. Killua brushed the touch of one hand just lightly beneath her chin. "Naeva, I don't... know enough here to even know what the next step to take is. But I'm sure there's something we can do."

 _Of course there is!_ Naeva met his troubled gaze with every bit of determination that she had within her. "We can set our own trap. With me as a lure, Ishamael will ha-"

His sudden glare silenced her. "You can't be stupid enough to think I'd agree to that."

Naeva glared right back at him. "You asked for a proactive solution and I gave you one! Otherwise we must continue to wait, hide, and endure."

Killua grimaced. He turned abruptly away from her to stalk the length of the room. "We can't do _nothing_."

"Kiende killed herself." The words left her even as they occurred in her thoughts. "To prevent Ishamael from turning her to the Shadow. I do not think that he is willing to risk waiting much longer for fear the past may repeat itself. He speaks as if it has been a cycle." She could not have predicted the swell of anger that permeated their connection at her statement.

Killua whirled to her, aghast. "Repeat? As if you'd actually-" He closed his jaw, grinding his teeth together while he recomposed. "You would never even consider that. Right?"

"I am not suicidal," Naeva felt a rise of her own temper, "nor would I willingly abandon you three here to suffer his wrath."

For an instant Killua balked, every bit as offended as she. Then he shook his head and went back to pacing. His earlier anger was gradually replaced by uncertainty. "If we-" Killua started in a reluctant cadence. "-when we do get to fight him head on..." His motion halted and he eyed her solemnly. "How likely is it that I can defeat him? I've been trying not to doubt, but I don't fully understand what we're up-"

"You woolhead," Naeva cut him off there. _What a ludicrous question._ "If we find ourselves facing Ishamael directly, he stands no chance." Killua was instantly flabbergasted, and while that was an amusing reaction it was equally baffling. "You know exactly what you are up against." She pointed at herself. "Ishamael is only another channeler. He does what _I_ do, and though his ability is greater than mine own that difference is negligible to someone as fast as you are. Blood and ashes! You could defeat him soundly twelve times over before he has time to loose even a single weave!"

Killua scuffed the toe of his boot against the stone floor, lowering his face so that his silver hair fell to obscure his eyes. Not that she needed to see them to read his emotion any longer. The Bond told her plainly that he was feeling embarrassed by her reassurance. There was something stronger there, too... something like tenderness. "You say that like it's so damn obvious." His grumbling was dour enough to make her think perhaps she was not as good at reading through the Bond as she had assumed. Whatever had been there was gone before she could try again to study it and Killua snapped his head back up to pierce her with a clear, astute gaze. "Isn't there a way to lure him out of hiding _besides_ letting you dangle yourself out as bait?"

"Not that I have been able to come up with." Naeva exhaled wearily. "Ishamael is essentially a nihilist. I do not believe there is anything he cares for at all, excepting the relationship he once had with Kiende Villo and believes that he can have again with me."

"I wouldn't call that caring." Killua's gaze darted almost imperceptibly to her shoulder. "It's just a sick obsession." She was about to tell him the distinction was unimportant, but he continued after only the barest pause. "That plan is too risky, anyway. He doesn't even have to show up himself. Like Logain said, he can just send Shadowspawn to drag you away."

In that case, there was little else she could say. _I would that there was some perfect solution to offer. No one wants to find a perfect solution more than I do._ Naeva approached so that she could take up one of his hands, hoping her smile might be confident enough to settle his frayed nerves. "Then you must trust that I can tolerate the dreams until we come up with something better. Even if I have to tolerate them until Nanika wakes up."

Killua tightened his hand around hers. "They're only getting worse every time."

 _Worse every time? Yes, I suppose that they are._ The thought ignited fresh trepidation within her. "I have not surpassed my limit yet." Naeva stuck her chin up, but mostly because she thought he would expect that from her. "My pride is wounded more than anything," she summoned her best smile, "and that is something that I can afford to have taken down a few notches."

Killua's gaze became more intent and Naeva had to consciously school herself to keep her breathing even. She felt entirely captivated when looked at her like that. "You don't even believe that," he said. "We always wind up talking circles around each other. Is that just with me? Should I go get-"

"No." Impulsively, Naeva released his hand to twine her arms around him for a hug. "And I am sorry for trying to be deceitful. It is defensive, and I am unused to having someone with direct access to my mind who can point out my fallacies."

For a while Killua only stood motionless and feeling sorrowful, but then he hugged her back. She melted a little into that contact and absorbed the comfort she could never admit that she needed. "You're _really_ hard for me to figure out, even with that access." That was just a sullen mumble. His anger flickered again through their connection, like a tendril of flame. "And Ishamael, it's not like I can't guess what he's- but you just keep pretending you're fine, and I don't know what I'm supposed to say when you do that."

"You do not have to say anything." Naeva pulled away from him and clasped her hands neatly behind her back. "And I wish you would not try to guess at any of it."

"Right, I'll just stop being concerned." Killua snapped his fingers facetiously. "Whatever has been happening, it's already gone beyond my ability to ignore."

"What do you want from me? You want me to torture you with useless details? I will _not_."

Killua watched her in silence. As intent as she had found his attention before, he somehow increased it. In the time it took her to blink he was sitting cross-legged on the floor with his back against the door. "Why not? Are you afraid of how I'll react?"

Naeva glared at him. _He is not fool enough to think he can block me in here if I do not want to be. Does he think I will not shove him aside? I can tie him up in the bloody corner and leave him there!_ She did none of that, however. Distantly, Naeva knew that she was beginning to feel unreasonable – perhaps even frantic. "I am not _afraid_ of you in any flaming way, Killua." The suggestion that she might be was upsetting. "I have no desire to talk about the dreams with anyone."

"Because they're that bad." His gaze darkened and he directed it at the wall.

"They could be worse," Naeva said. _There is room for them to become greatly worse, yet._ She was so tired of feeling sick to her stomach, but there was another wave of nausea at the thought. _And Killua... he is right. They are worse every time._

Killua gave a single nod. A tiny amount of relief trickled through to her; his unease was still more prominent, and his rage overwhelmed both. "It's been a long time since I've wanted to kill anyone like I want to kill Ishamael. Maybe I never have. That isn't easy to say. I'm not comfortable with how... violent the urge is."

Naeva sank to the floor herself, at that. Guilt constricted her throat for a long moment. "I do not want to be such a source of turmoil for you."

"Ishamael's the source of it," Killua argued. "You don't want to torture me with details, right? Here's what I know so far from just the little you've said and I've been able to see: he thinks you're his wife, he can manipulate everything about the dream environment, he's had his damn hands on you, and he bit your shoulder! Do you think I'm unimaginative?"

Numbly, Naeva stared at him while his words echoed around her own thoughts. "Stop imagining it, then."

She dropped her gaze to the floor. _How much worse_ _is it going to get?_ Killua's unease in her mind hit a new level. Her oft-praised willpower was nowhere to be found and that lurking dread within her was rising to a new height. Naeva's thoughts slid deep into the recollections she had been repressing all morning. _That wedding gown. The paralysis, and the fear. I forgot who I was! How could I have done that?_ Unconsciously, she wrapped her arms around herself. _What is going to be left of me when this is over? Why did he use his hands to strip me when he could have continued using his thoughts? Burn me, but w_ _hy? Ishamael, who betrayed the Light, who has taken life beyond counting with those hands, but_ me _he wants to touch like-_

"Naeva?" Killua's voice, and a piercing worry in the Bond to slice through her anguished thoughts. "I went too far." That last was a delicate whisper. He sounded closer than he had been.

Naeva did not look up to meet his eyes, but she nodded. For the first time in a very long time, she tried for the Void and failed to grasp it. The Flame flickered weakly in her mind and was not enough to burn through any of her troubles. _I forgot myself._ _I let him touch me!_ _As if I really was his. Light, I would rather be dead than-_ The worry from Killua escalated to sharp panic and then it ebbed, transitioning into a pulse of tranquility. Urgently, Naeva concentrated on that sensation. Her breathing – she had not even been aware of how shallow it had become – deepened and her pulse settled. _Even awake, I am losing myself._ When she felt some semblance of calm again, Naeva made herself raise her head.

Killua's gaze was soft and steady. He put his hand on her cheek, and the warmth of the gesture was greatly comforting. "One day at a time, then. You slept through last night and you were right – that's a small victory."

Naeva could have cried. Thank the Light that she did not, but she could have. That assurance was precisely what she had needed most to hear. _One day at a time. I endured all of my time with Moghedien that way. I can make it through this, too. I can!_


	23. What We Have to Learn

Alluka turned a page in the fat gray book only to be greeted with yet another illustration that made her feel queasy. It was a depiction of what the artist had estimated the birth of a Myrddraal might look like.

Myrddraal were apparently the result of some strange mutation. The Forsaken named Aginor – currently dead, according to Naeva – had created Trollocs by blending the genetics of humans and beasts. Trollocs procreated amongst themselves, but every once in a while two Trollocs produced a Myrddraal instead of a new Trolloc. The book referred to that anomaly as a 'throwback to the human ancestry of the Shadowspawn.' It was confusing, grotesque, and not at all helpful to know that. Why anyone had thought it deserved an illustration was beyond her. She flipped on to the next page.

There were no more drawings there, only close packed words in cursive script that she had to squint her eyes to make out. _More about how the One Power was used to tear apart Aginor's human test subjects._ Again, not at all helpful.

There was little to the chapters about Ishamael other than a list – a very long list – of his villainous accomplishments. Alluka had thought that informing herself about Shadowspawn would be a more useful way to spend her time, but so far she hadn't learned much of real value. _I should switch back to reading about Ishamael. At least we might get some hints there about how he operates. Maybe we can predict him._ With a pang of frustration, she realized her own attempt at optimistic thought was pointless. Ishamael was apparently a madman – if there was any way to predict him, it'd take a more calculating mind than hers to do so.

Gon's hand settled over hers where she'd been resting it flat on the page. "Let's take a break from the book... it isn't getting us anywhere." He smiled when she looked up at him. "What we need more than anything is what's considered common knowledge in this place, and I guess nobody really bothers to write that stuff down. We'd be better off asking the M'Hael or Naeva."

Well, Alluka was more than happy for the excuse to stop reading from the horrible book. "I can barely understand half of it, anyway." _And the parts that I do understand are just awful._

Gon's fingers curled around hers. He lifted her hand from the book, then shut the cover. "How are you doing? This world is- well, I think it's just terrible, even if Killua says our world has terrible things in it, too." He laughed, a bit weakly. "Anyway, I've already had a freak out about that. You've been taking everything in stride and that's impressive and all, but-" He let go of her hand to scratch at the back of his head. "-I guess what I mean to say is, if _you_ want to vent anything, I'm here to listen."

Alluka was incredibly tempted to reach for his hand again, but then he might have found that awkward. She was constantly finding new and embarrassing ways to be awkward. "This world _is_ terrible," she said quietly. "And I'm scared. Ishamael is... he's a monster, right? He's been doing monstrous things to this world for three thousand years and I just don't know how we're supposed to stop someone like him. Nobody here has been able to stop him, and they all know so much more than we do." She stared down at the closed cover of the book. "I don't want to be scared, but I am."

"Me, too," Gon said. She blinked up at him in surprise and he merely grinned. "Hey, I'm allowed to be scared."

Despite everything, Alluka laughed. "I know, I know. It's just that you don't ever seem scared at all." Nervously, she gave in to that temptation to reach for his hand and lace her fingers with his. "You always seem so brave, to me."

His grin broadened. "I guess I'm both. Definitely the type to make a stupid last stand, but I'd be scared to be doing it." After a squeeze on her hand that set her heart to racing, his expression sobered once more. "We'll stop Ishamael."

"Yeah." Alluka bit down on her lip. "I'm sure you and my brother will. It's just so discouraging that there's nothing I can do without Nanika."

Gon shook his head. "You have a super important job. Naeva's going through-" He faltered, then blazed ahead. "-whatever it is, she really needs you. Killua and I can only do so much. Remember that, okay?"

The truth behind that was grim, but it did reinvigorate her determination. Alluka offered a more hopeful smile. "Okay, Gon-kun."

There was a sudden warmth in Gon's gaze, just a brief flash of something that made her skin heat. "Hey, Alluka? When this is all over-" He straightened up hurriedly and pulled his hand back to his lap. That was puzzling, but then in the next second the door opened and Killua walked in. Naeva followed right behind him, looking considerably more present than she had when they'd left.

Alluka smiled between the two. _I have to stay positive, for both of them. Onii-chan has all the responsibility of that Warder Bond, now. He's really been taking it seriously. Wait, but-_ "Didn't you say you were going to bring tea back?"

Her brother halted mid-pace. "I... forgot."

Gon laughed. More than anyone else, he was able to make the atmosphere seem brighter when times were dark. It was something they all needed. "Then what _did_ you sneak away with Naeva for?" That won him a scathing glare that he met with a grin.

Naeva lifted a hand to muffle her own laugh. She got a glare for that, too, and just as thoroughly ignored it. "Killua sensed that I was in need of encouragement. I am sorry we made up an excuse." Killua mellowed at her defense of him. His glare softened to something else entirely, something very tender. Naeva still wasn't looking at him, so she missed it. "Alluka-chan, I thought perhaps you might like to go for a walk with me?"

"That sounds great!" Alluka hopped up eagerly.

One of Killua's eyebrows twitched upward. "A walk where, exactly?"

Naeva gave him a wry smile. "Only one flight down to the M'Hael's quarters. It is not as if you cannot feel where I am at all times, anyhow."

Killua didn't seem much assured by that, but he did nod his head. "Don't get into any trouble."

"I shall not." Naeva offered a solemn reply, not an indignant retort like Alluka would have expected. Their dynamic was so different after the Warder Bond. It seemed to Alluka like a lot of communication was happening between the two of them without anything being said. Maybe they were even understanding one another better – they definitely spent less time arguing. Alluka wanted to ask what it felt like, having that Bond, but she wasn't sure whether either of them would give her an honest answer.

She and Naeva left the boys alone in the room and started at a casual pace down the corridor together. "We're going to see the M'Hael?"

"To see his wife, actually," Naeva said, voice purposeful. "She is an Aes Sedai of the Brown Ajah, which is devoted to knowledge. I am hoping she may have an idea of where to direct me so that I might learn more about the World of Dreams."

Alluka's eyes had rounded before Naeva was even finished speaking. "The M'Hael is married?" Maybe that alone wasn't so surprising, but the rest of it was. "He's married to an _Aes Sedai?_ " Logain had made it abundantly clear that he wasn't fond of Aes Sedai.

"Indeed. I presume there is a fascinating story there, but I have never asked." They started down the stairs and Naeva's tone became a little dry. "In all honesty, I do not know her well. She would accompany Logain on his visits to Malkier, and I saw her at a distance once or twice during my time at the White Tower. We have never really had a conversation between us. I believe-" She lowered her voice to a whisper. "-she may have been jealous of the regard Logain held for my- for El'Nynaeve. A fool thing to ever be jealous of, but love does make people behave like fools."

"You're such a cynic sometimes."

"Yes, that is true," Naeva agreed easily. "I doubt that I am wrong, however. She loves her husband and seems to think that means he should not spare any of his regard for other women. It always seemed like a struggle for her not to glare at El'Nynaeve. You just wait, Alluka-chan – I will wager you right now that she is going to sniff and make some uppity comment about how I resemble her."

"That wouldn't be fair." Alluka frowned, then shook her head. "Love isn't that unreasonable. I'll take your cynical little wager."

Her best friend favored her with a soft smile. "I would like to be wrong. Being a cynic is no fun. Your perspective is greatly more pleasant." Naeva slowed for the last few steps and pulled up her posture before they walked into the M'Hael's antechamber. Nobody was within, so they crossed the intricately woven rug to the leftmost door. Naeva knocked, and a low female voice called out for them to enter.

Inside the next room, there was a woman lounging on a low chaise. Her dress was beige with an ornate pattern of embroidered green vines decorating the bodice, the colors very flattering to her olive skin. She wore her sleek brown hair shorter than most women in this world – just at shoulder level – if nowhere close to as short as Naeva's impromptu haircut had made hers. The woman was an image of relaxed grace, with a thick book propped open in her lap that she didn't look up from. "I was not expecting you to come see me."

"Have you a few minutes to spare?" Naeva asked. "I am in need of your wisdom, Sister."

The woman was silent for a long moment. She reached for a wide satin ribbon to lay across her page and folded her book shut before she glanced up. Her large green eyes were distinctly arrogant, but no less pretty for that. She made a brief study of Alluka before settling her attention on Naeva. Immediately, she sniffed. "My, my. It appears that Logain was not exaggerating. You do look exactly like your mother, even with that boyish hairstyle." Alluka cringed at having lost the wager, but then the woman was already going on, "I do have time to spare for you, Sister. You may make yourselves comfortable."

Naeva inclined her head. "Thank you." She swept a flourishing gesture. "This is my best friend, the Lady Alluka Zoldyck. Alluka-chan, it is my honor to introduce you to Gabrelle-Sedai of the Brown Ajah." Naeva led her by the hand to a couch opposite where Logain's wife reclined on her chaise. As Naeva smoothed her skirt, Alluka emulated the motion. She had yet to see any women here sit down _without_ smoothing their skirt.

They exchanged light, meaningless pleasantries and then Gabrelle eyed the two of them more curiously. "What wisdom have you come to me for?"

"Do you know much of _tel'aran'rhiod_ , Sister?" Naeva asked.

Gabrelle shrugged. "No one knows much of _tel'aran'rhiod_ , unfortunately. Had the former Amyrlin Seat only lived long enough to write of what she had discovered..." She sighed. "My, but that wasted opportunity is vexing. Not one single Dreamer has been unearthed in the years after her death. The White Tower's previous Dreamer, Corianin-Sedai, was nowhere near her level. Yet she at least had the forethought to record what scant information she was able to learn of her Talent. I understand that Egwene-Sedai had several more urgent concerns to occupy her time, but she might have at least sat down and let someone take a proper transcription of her experiences."

That was all so rambling and irrelevant. _She's a little bit scatterbrained, huh?_

Naeva spoke again quickly. "Have you read what Corianin-Sedai wrote?"

Gabrelle blinked, then hefted the book in her hand. "I am working my way through her collected notes now. My dear _husband_ , Logain-" Her inflection on that wasn't subtle. "-has asked for my assistance already. That is why I did not expect you to come to me yourself. I assumed that you had enlisted him to do your research for you. I would sympathize, of course. Anyone in your position would find it a struggle to think practically." She tilted her head. "And yet, you did select the White Ajah. Such an interesting choice. Our Sisters are still abuzz over it – the Yellows are furious, and the Whites all strutting about _._ " As Gabrelle droned on, straying further and further from the topic at hand, Naeva's hand twitched. Probably she was struggling not to interrupt. "I do suppose that a White would cling to practicality above all else."

Alluka couldn't decide whether that was meant to be an insult or not. The woman sounded dotty, but that might only be an act she was putting on. It was so difficult to tell with anyone here, but especially with Aes Sedai.

Naeva kept her calm, jumping right back in at the available pause. "Did Corianin-Sedai write of the techniques for manipulating _tel'aran'rhiod_?"

"From what I can gather," Gabrelle drummed her fingers atop the book cover, "she rarely ventured outside of her own dreams. She did not have significant strength with her Talent. Corianin-Sedai was more invested in the prophetic aspect of Dreaming. She did do an egregious amount of toying around with _ter'angreal._ That information is the most I have gained from poring through her notes, yet it does not serve your situation very well. Quite fascinating, however. She must have nearly burned herself out dozens of times for being as reckless as she was." Gabrelle half-opened the book cover again like she wanted to get right back to reading. "Hmm. As for what may be of import... _tel'aran'rhiod_ is supposedly a perfect reflection of the waking world, without the people. Corianin-Sedai described jumping from one location to the next with only a thought between. She called that uncontrollable, even. A stray thought of her childhood might bring her to her home village in an instant, standing in the empty field that had once held the cottage she was born in."

Something in that torrent of words made Naeva stiffen. "A reflection of the waking world? Are you certain of that?"

"Oh, yes." Gabrelle sat up straighter herself, some excitement entering her voice. "What we do in the waking world actually shapes the World of Dreams. Even so much as if one leaves their bedroom messy or orderly can be seen."

"What of the past? Can the past be seen?" Naeva seemed distressed, now.

Gabrelle's expression fell to a small frown. "No, I should think not. Willpower can be expended to change the environment, but it takes a substantial amount and no real drastic changes can be made. That is, according to Corianin-Sedai, and-" She paused, gaze faraway again like she was going back through old memories. "-I recall reading similar remarks in the memoirs of the Queen of Andor. Queen Elayne rather fancies herself an adventurer, of course, and I found it a test of patience to glean any decent information from her writing. It is true enough that Queens are _oft_ full of themselves-" She paused again there; it was too brief for Naeva to get a word in edgewise, just long enough to add extra emphasis to her criticism. "-but she is a spectacular example. Somebody should make a study of her narcissism. Not that she would tolerate it. And of course her fellow Greens feed into her ego. Greens are so terribly vain. I do find them better company than Reds or Whites, yet still I prefer to keep my distance."

Alluka was biting hard on her lip to keep from interfering in the conversation. She didn't understand the strange color-coding that was going on. Maybe there was some _daes dae'mar_ to it.

Naeva didn't seem offended by that remark about Whites, at least. She looked perplexed – worried, even. "Surely there is a way to alter _tel'aran'rhiod_ in order to show anything at all that one wishes to see? Have you not read anything that hinted as much?"

"I have not," Gabrelle said. "Queen Elayne's memoirs boast the proficiency of the former Amyrlin, but still make it plain that there were hard limitations." She drifted into pensive quiet a moment before her eyes narrowed sharply. "Ah, but... this is Ishamael you are dealing with." Gabrelle stood and gave her skirt a twitch. "There is a different book that may be of more use to you. Come along, Sister."

They hopped up from the couch at once and trailed behind Gabrelle's swaying gait into a new room. Uncomfortably, this was clearly the bedroom she and Logain occupied. There were narrow bookshelves against the wall on either side of the bed – one crammed to the brim and the other more sparse and neatly arranged. Gabrelle went to the less heavily burdened shelf and skimmed along the titles with a partially restrained glare. Alluka followed her gaze.

From just a glance, she could see that the majority of the books displayed had Naeva's mother's name written along the spine. Alluka felt a twinge of sympathy for Gabrelle, then. _Is this Logain's collection?_ _So many were written_ _by El'Nynaeve. Naeva said it was foolish, but... this does look like an infatuation, to me. Naeva can be surprisingly oblivious about certain things. If her mother was just as bad about that as-_ Her wild speculation cut off when Gabrelle plucked a book from the shelf and spun back around.

The book's edges were lightly worn like it had been held and read through countless times, but the cover gleamed with fresh oil to show that the preservation was taken seriously. All of the books authored by Nynaeve looked about the same. Gabrelle passed the book to Naeva and waved for them to follow her out of the bedroom again. "There is some semi-coherent drivel in there about Ba'alzamon appearing within the dreams of the Dragon Reborn." Gabrelle huffed out a breath and folded her arms across her chest. "It is surmised that the name of Ba'alzamon is merely a pseudonym that Ishamael adopts from time to time. If that-" Her sentence ended abruptly and she corrected her posture. Naeva did, too, and at the very same instant. Both of them turned as one to look at the door leading back to the antechamber. The mirrored motion was more than a little unnerving.

Just as Alluka was considering whether or not to ask what was going on, the door opened. She almost jumped, but it was only the M'Hael, Gon, and her brother that walked in. Alluka sagged with relief. _Oh. Jeez, Naeva could have said something. I'm basically the only one around here without some weird extra sense._ That was annoying, but also humorous. That she shared her body with Nanika should have been enough to make her the weirdest person in any room. It would've been nice to have some extrasensory perception to go along with that, but it was what it was. _I'm surrounded by super-humans._

Logain glanced warily between them. "Is it only you three?" He frowned at his wife. "You were so upset. I was concerned."

"Were you?" Gabrelle's sudden smile was a coy one. "I am quite safe."

"Well, thank the Light." Logain went about the hurried process of introducing Killua and Gon to his wife. "It was doubly worrisome for me when I made it to my own quarters only to see these two jogging down the stairs with the same destination. I thought for certain that something had happened."

Killua eyed Naeva critically, but he said nothing. She only arched an eyebrow at him. Gon struggled to contain an abrupt laugh. Again, Alluka knew that she was probably missing out on something.

At that point, the M'Hael's gaze alighted on the book in Naeva's hand. "I cannot believe I hadn't made the connection myself. You are brilliant, Gabrelle! I knew that you would be able to help." He went to his wife to kiss her on the cheek – she rather glowed at that – before approaching Naeva, who relinquished the book to him. Gabrelle's expression became a veiled glower quickly. "If you will sit with me, I know just the proper chapter..." Logain and Naeva sat alongside one another on the couch and he opened the book to thumb carefully through its parchment pages.

Killua strode further in and took Alluka's hand in his. They settled in two of the cushy chairs available to watch the pair on the couch. Killua looked hopeful, which she was happy to see. Gon trailed along and seated himself casually on the arm of her chair. Alluka then had to work to avoid becoming distracted by that. He was just so close – she had the strongest impulse to scoot even closer. Gabrelle returned to her chaise and the book she had been reading earlier, seemingly set on ignoring everything else.

Logain found the page he'd been searching for and traced his index finger very lightly over the words. "Just here. El'Nynaeve writes here of how the Lord Dragon was hounded for a time – in his sleep, as you are – by Ba'alzamon."

"Ishamael," Gabrelle put in. She still wasn't looking at anything except her own book, but obviously she was paying close attention.

Logain shrugged. "That is speculation, but it is most likely. No other Forsaken should have been free at the time. He did refer to himself as Ba'alzamon, so that is how El'Nynaeve recorded it." He passed the book to Naeva.

At first Naeva only touched gingerly to the page, expression very soft. "M'Hael, this is her penmanship..."

Logain smiled more enthusiastically than she'd ever seen him before. His eyes were warm and filled with affection as they both stared down at the book. "Yes. This is the very first edition – El'Nynaeve's own, and not a printed copy. I would not let it be kept in the library, where a clumsy student might bring damage to it."

Alluka looked to Gabrelle. She was fairly composed, if not up to usual Aes Sedai standards. Her features repeatedly twisted with a hint of sullenness and then smoothed again.

"I am glad that it is being well cared for." Naeva's lips curved into a small smile. She focused more intently on the page, eyes racing across the words. It probably escaped her attention the way that Logain's chest puffed with pride at her statement.

Killua fastened his gaze on Logain. "What happened in the dreams between Ba'alzamon and the Dragon Reborn?"

Logain blinked up at him, quickly settling back to his usual serious demeanor. "The situation then had its similarities with what is happening now. The Lord Dragon did not know at first that he was having anything but nightmares. Yet he would wake with injuries, as Naeva-Sedai does. The assumption was made that he was being pulled into the World of Dreams, but El'Nynaeve describes that as only partly correct." He leaned back into the couch and touched a hand to his chin thoughtfully. "She had her own experiences with _tel'aran'rhiod_ , and so she knew very well what she was talking about. As the Lord Dragon gained more knowledge, he shared with her that the place Ba'alzamon had brought him to was in the Age of Legends called a Dreamshard."

A period of contemplative quiet fell over the room.

"What's the difference?" Gon's frustrated question broke the stifling silence. "Between the World of Dreams and whatever a Dreamshard is?"

Killua's gaze snapped to Naeva, and he was plainly concerned. She answered Gon before the M'Hael could, eyes still planted on the pages of the book.

"In the World of Dreams, all who enter are on theoretically equal footing. Strength of will is the only way to fight, and anyone can learn the techniques of proper control." Naeva gave the elaboration in a rote voice. "El'Nynaeve wrote that she was dangerously unskilled, and yet could herself overwhelm one of the Forsaken once she had figured out the basics. A Dreamshard like the one that the Dragon Reborn was forced into... is a pocket of separated space that is not fully within _tel'aran'rhiod._ Ba'alzamon showed him sights from the Age of Legends, just as- as Ishamael has shown me. Seeing into the past is not possible in _tel'aran'rhiod_ , which is a reflection of what exists in present reality, but anything can be conjured with the freedom granted to the one who channels a Dreamshard. The Dragon Reborn called it a forgotten weave." She turned a page, licked her lips, and finished faintly, "The creator of a Dreamshard has complete control over the environment and any soul within."

Gabrelle had looked up from her book just at the end of that, expression almost sympathetic. "Then you truly cannot fight back at all. Yes, I suppose that makes more sense."

Naeva winced. "That... also explains why I cannot even feel my ability to channel. He is simply removing it from me."

Gabrelle set her book aside and went to Naeva. She put a hand beneath her chin and lifted her face to eye her sternly. "If you cannot fight, you must accept that you are defenseless against him."

Naeva pulled back from Gabrelle's touch. "That is not something I will accept." She drew a deep breath and gathered her poise back together. "I am doing fine thus far, Sister."

Gabrelle only frowned. "You are young, and you were not raised as an ordinary girl would be. You are brittle. To endure this, you must learn how to bend."

Although it probably didn't occur to her that she was only proving Gabrelle's point, Naeva's posture went rigid and her expression became cold. "I do not know what you are trying to say."

Gabrelle glared. " _Light_ , but you inherited every whit of your mother's petulance right along with her face." The show of irritation was brief, and then she was solemn again. "Listen to me. Within a Dreamshard you are powerless, you have no control whatsoever. You were willing to admit that, but I doubt you will survive if you cannot accept it. Whatever may happen is not up to you – it is entirely Ishamael's prerogative." As she spoke, Naeva's complexion turned ashen and she shrank backward into the couch.

"That is too far," Logain said sharply.

Gabrelle turned a swift, admonishing look on him. "You are a man. You do not understand what she needs to hear."

Gon's expression was tight with anger and he'd opened his mouth to protest, too, but he shut it again quickly at that.

Alluka's heart sank. _It's terrible, but maybe Gabrelle-Sedai is right. Naeva kept herself sane with Moghedien by clinging to her pride... this is almost the opposite of that. If Ishamael can do whatever he wants to her, and she can't even-_ Her train of thought halted when she noticed the dark look in her brother's eyes.

Killua let go of her hand and stood up from his chair. He wasn't angry like the M'Hael or Gon had been, only troubled. His gaze darted between Naeva and Gabrelle before settling on the latter. "You're making this sound hopeless. She doesn't need to give up hope _._ I'm not going to."

Gabrelle swept a measuring look over Killua before glancing back at Naeva. "That one is your Warder, I take it?" Naeva gave a single nod as reply. She still looked stricken. Gabrelle offered a tiny smile. "It is good that you are not as aloof as a typical White." She stood up, instantly embodying all the cool serenity that went with being an Aes Sedai. Those arrogant green eyes of hers locked on Killua. "I am not advising her to give up hope, merely to distance herself from her pride."

Killua frowned. "You just automatically assume that's going to be necessary?"

"You ought prepare yourself for the likelihood." Gabrelle regarded him with another up and down glance. "I do not know how well you understand what it is to be a Warder, but you have an incredible amount of influence over her state of mind. That is not something you can take lightly."

Killua's expression flashed with guilt.

Gabrelle's eyes gentled even as her voice firmed. "You seem to be clever enough. If you are strong enough, then you can be an indispensable aid to her. If you are not, Naeva-Sedai will be better served by removing the Bond between you. Are you strong enough?"

There were a few beats of silence while Killua appeared deep within his own thoughts. At last, his expression hardened. "Yes."

"Then prepare yourself." Gabrelle stepped closer to Killua and laid a hand against his chest, gaze intently focused – maybe that earlier ditziness had been just an act. Her voice lowered. "She is your Aes Sedai. You must remain steady so that she can center herself around you, no matter what occurs. Many Warders have inadvertently caused the deaths of their Aes Sedai by allowing themselves to weaken when she is in pain and most in need. That is an integral part of your role, to be her strength when she has none. The both of you may die unless you are prepared to accept even what she cannot. Do you understand me?" She let her touch fall away and folded her hands together.

"I understand," Killua answered tersely.

" _Mi Gaidin ga frait'carda,_ " Naeva murmured. She jumped to her feet, anger alighting her eyes. " _Nosane'mos ca'inde moro ti sin!_ "

Gabrelle whirled to her, chill impassivity to meet Naeva's heated temper. "The custom violation seemed only prudent. In any case, I was under the impression that you didn't much care for proper custom."

" _Carai an mi Gaidin ca'dinya ye!_ " Whatever Naeva was saying, it sounded like a reprimand.

A frown flitted across Gabrelle's lips. She bowed her head. "I apologize, Sister."

Naeva stared her down a moment longer and then visibly composed herself. "You will not be so untoward again."

Gabrelle nodded once. "I will not."

Logain cleared his throat. "I hardly think now is the time to be-"

"It is resolved," Gabrelle cut him off neatly. "I love you, husband, but you must not interfere in Aes Sedai business."

The M'Hael's face flushed red with indignation. He grumbled something lowly - Alluka only caught the words 'flaming Aes Sedai' and ' _my_ Tower'.

Naeva touched lightly to Logain's arm. As he looked up at her, his indignation melted to concern. Naeva merely lifted the book in her opposite hand. "May I please borrow this, M'Hael?"

He patted his hand over hers. "Of course. You are welcome to anything of mine that may be of assistance to you."

"Thank you." Naeva opened a small Gateway back to the room they'd been sharing and put the book through it. Then she clapped her hands and donned the same disguise she had used yesterday. She plucked the serpent ring from her finger and approached Killua, pressing the ring into his palm and squeezing his hand around it. "Will you carry this in your coat pocket for me? I thought the four of us might venture downstairs for tea-" She smiled. "-as we forgot, earlier."


	24. Almost Within Reach

Killua walked hand-in-hand with his sister down the stairs as they journeyed toward the cafeteria of the Black Tower. Gon was in the lead and Naeva followed just behind him. They had all been fairly quiet after leaving the M'Hael's quarters. Gabrelle's words to him were playing on a repeat loop in his head.

Gon paused mid-step and whirled to Naeva. "Hey, by the way... you _are_ trying to look like me, right?"

He could feel her surprise at the question. Naeva stepped forward to loop her arm through Gon's. "Oops. I neglected to mention that I am your sister, Evana."

After a second, Gon was grinning. "Aw, I always wanted a sibling."

Alluka laughed brightly. Despite himself, Killua found he was smiling at the exchange, too. They continued on down the staircase.

 _Everything will be okay. Somehow, it will be. We can all keep each other steady through this._ A smaller voice tried finding purchase in his thoughts to mock his attempted optimism. That voice wanted to remind him that far worse could happen to Naeva than what already had. If he'd been so shaken up by a bite this morning, what chance did he have of holding steady if he sensed something more vicious? How could he possibly prepare himself for that? Killua focused on each step down. He wasn't about to give in to those doubts – they weren't even worthy of being acknowledged.

The cafeteria was not at all crowded when they walked in. Asha'man had duties to be about, he supposed, and the breakfast rush must be well over by this time of day. Killua hadn't ventured to the cafeteria himself before – it was nothing like he might've imagined it. Most of the Black Tower that he'd seen was stark and military fashioned. The solitary exception up until now had been the library, which at least had a touch of warmth to the decor.

Here, the tables were closely packed in together, each small and cozy. The largest only had six chairs ringed around it, while some were tiny and only had two. There were even fresh cut flowers in silver vases. Best of all was the aroma wafting from the kitchen – cordoned off from the dining area only by a low dividing wall. Atop that wall was an array of plated food and beverages. Servants bustled about to clear whatever wasn't still steaming and replace it.

Naeva bounded into the lead then, eager to claim the tea she wanted. She selected a teapot and four cups and arranged them on an empty tray, then picked a table for them all to sit at. It seemed that she was taking to the one day at a time suggestion almost zealously. After how aggravated, depressed, and subsequently furious he'd felt her become during the time in the M'Hael's parlor, it might be more accurate to say she was taking everything one minute at a time. That was fine. If she could spend even a few minutes unburdened from the horrors of whatever was happening to her overnight, he'd be happy for that.

Alluka blew on her tea, then looked up with a frown. "Oh, I lost that bet. We probably should have set the stakes first."

He was baffled, but Naeva only shrugged. "I want nothing," she said. "It does not feel like a victory to be correct."

Alluka shook her head. "I still don't think you were exactly correct, just that you won the bet."

"What was this bet about?" Gon voiced the question that was on his own mind.

Alluka aimed a bashful smile at Gon. "Evana was positive that the M'Hael's wife would be snooty to her about how much she looks like her mother. Gabrelle-Sedai did make a couple of rude comments, but I think her reasoning is more sympathetic than Nae- Evana made it out to be."

Naeva arched an eyebrow. "Her jealousy is hardly sympathetic. There are a number of reasons, all of them excellent, that the M'Hael carries such respect for El'Nynaeve."

Killua's jaw almost dropped. _She can't seriously think there was only respect there... does she? Logain even looked at that little book like he was in love with it. How could she miss something so obvious? She never makes any sense to me!_ He glanced at his sister, who had much the same bewildered expression on her face as he did.

"I'm with N- Evana on this," Gon said. "Gabrelle-Sedai was a total-" He pressed his lips together, then took a drink of tea before finishing. "-I didn't like her. Even if her husband was totally in love with somebody else, I'm not gonna feel sorry for her." He clapped Naeva – who was now choking on a sip of her own tea – on the back a few times.

Naeva recovered, although she'd spilled some of the rosy liquid from her cup in her moment of shock. "He was not in _love_ with her, Gon. They held one another in high regard. They were friends, they shared a long history together."

It took serious effort not to snicker, but Killua managed. "You're really unbelievable sometimes. The M'Hael isn't even subtle about it."

"I think you are underestimating platonic affection," Naeva said. "The M'Hael certainly loves his wife, and El'Nynaeve never looked twice at any man that was not Al'Lan Mandragoran."

Killua rolled his eyes. "I'll believe that the M'Hael loves his wife – that doesn't mean he can't be completely head over heels for another woman at the same time. Polyamory is a thing." _And if El'Nynaeve never really looked at him in return that explains it even better. She must've been as oblivious as Naeva._

His sister added her own agreement. "Seriously. The M'Hael keeps like a dozen of her books right at his bedside."

"It is common to collect books written by the people one most respects," Naeva argued. "That means nothing." To belie the assurance in her words, uncertainty glimmered through their connection. Probably she was going back over her memories of the interactions between the two.

At this point, Killua was starting to feel a little bad for her. "Maybe you're right. How did the M'Hael get along with Al'Lan?"

Naeva answered distractedly, "Oh, they did not like one another. There was some element of resentment between..." She turned sharper focus on him. "That does not mean anything, either. Resentment can have many sources." Her moment of doubt was buried beneath stubbornness, now.

Killua couldn't resist clicking his tongue, but he decided not to press her further about it. "Fine. You'd know better than us." Naeva nodded happily at his acquiescence and took a longer drink of tea.

Everyone went silent then. Gon and Alluka looked to be fighting amusement over the debate just as staunchly as he was. Well, maybe not quite so much. Killua had to work considerably harder to muffle it so that it wouldn't be too obvious through the Warder Bond. He observed then that there were more Asha'man trickling into the cafeteria than before. Many were settling in at distant tables without bothering to get any food first – and making a poor attempt at being covert while they stared at Alluka and Naeva. Killua served them all with an unrestrained glare. Those unlucky enough to catch his gaze averted their eyes hastily.

"Oh, yeah." Gon spoke up, drawing his attention back. His best friend was eyeing Naeva curiously. "What was that whole thing between you and Gabrelle-Sedai at the end there? It's so confusing when you start speaking in Old Tongue."

Naeva turned her cup between her palms. He felt a current of embarrassment from her before she responded. "You might not find it easy to understand. In short, she offered considerable offense and I decided that I would not permit her to get away with it."

Alluka tilted her head. "It seemed like a weird time for you to loose your temper, after everything else."

Naeva pouted down at her teacup, cheeks going rapidly red. Even in her unsettling disguise, that was pretty cute. "The White Tower has unspoken rules, one of which is that all Aes Sedai fall onto a hierarchy. That is necessary to keep everyone from constant infighting. A number of factors are considered, but chief among them is strength in the One Power. By that hierarchy I outrank most other Sisters who do not hold an elected position. Gabrelle... I reminded her of that."

"So that's why she backed down so meekly," Gon said. "It was surprising."

Killua's eyebrows lowered. "But that's only half an explanation of what happened. What was it that set you off? She said it was a custom violation."

"Yes, and a cultural one." Naeva lifted her gaze – aiming that pout at him for just an instant before dropping it again. Indignation sparked up within her, although embarrassment was still the stronger. "She was way out of line. If I try to explain any better you will only think it odd."

When she drifted back into quiet, Alluka spoke up to urge her. "But now I really want to know. What custom did she violate?"

"Blood and ashes," Naeva muttered. She did answer, if reluctantly. "The Warder Bond is a very personal thing – not only for me, but for any Aes Sedai. No Sister has the right to criticize another's Warder. The Amyrlin Seat herself would never violate that. Gabrelle should not have dared, and that she did was infuriating." She finished the last of her tea and poured herself more.

Well, that was enough to have Killua mirroring her humiliation. _She got that angry because of what Gabrelle-Sedai said to me? It wasn't even that harsh. I took it as encouragement._ His sister was smiling at him – a very knowing smile.

Gon only nodded as if that all made perfect sense. "I think I get it. What exactly did you _say_ in Old Tongue, though? It sounded so passionate," Gon asked casually, but then he took a slow drink of tea and his eyes were teasing over the rim of the cup.

Killua barely held himself back from kicking his best friend underneath the table. There was a feedback effect between his and Naeva's embarrassment now, amplifying both. He was losing a battle to keep his face from turning pink.

"The translation is not perfect." Naeva exhaled a long breath. "I told Gabrelle that Killua is strong of heart and that she was not allowed to speak down to him. She irked me further with the comment about how I do not care for custom, so I told her... that I care for the honor of my Warder."

Alluka grinned at her. "Aw, that's so sweet."

Killua worked to stop that peculiar fluttering sensation in his chest.

Distantly, the noise of a loud commotion somewhere below them pricked his hearing. He turned his head and Gon looked off in the same direction. It could've been anything at all, but his instinct that it something to do with Ishamael was irrepressible. To confound him further, the high sound of a bird's cry was suddenly in his ears – that noise was directionless and everywhere all at once, like the trick Naeva sometimes did with her voice. The nearby Asha'man rose from their seats and hustled from the cafeteria. Anxiety seeped into the back of his mind and he glanced over to Naeva.

She slid her chair back from the table and stood, expression placid despite all of her apprehension in his head. "That was an alarm," she told them. "Not an emergency one. It ought be safe enough to investigate."

"That doesn't mean we should," Killua countered, even as he and everyone else stood up.

Naeva glanced vaguely upward. "Gabrelle is moving down with haste. I would assume that the M'Hael is with her."

"We should stay right here," Gon put in. "If it's related to us, the M'Hael will let us know."

"I am not so certain of that," Naeva said skeptically. "Logain will deny us any information if he thinks he is protecting me by doing so."

Alluka moved around the table to put a hand on her best friend's shoulder. "Maybe he would be. Don't you trust his judgment?"

Naeva frowned. "Yes, but-"

"One of us can go while the rest stay here," Killua suggested. "Gon or I will investigate."

Naeva served him a flat look. "And what good would that be? There is too much that you do not know in this world. If only one of us is to go, it shall be me."

Gon shook his head. "Either all of us should go or none of us. Splitting up is a terrible idea if it turns out this is some sort of trap."

"Gon is right." Killua huffed out a heavy breath.

Alluka gave the open doorway a nervous glance. "I think we should stay. We should stay here and trust the M'Hael."

Naeva sat stiffly back down into her chair. She said nothing. The Bond told him that she felt nauseous – whether that was the decision to stay or her latent anxiety, he couldn't tell. Perhaps to settle her stomach, she resumed drinking from her second cup of tea.

Everyone else took their seats again, too. Killua couldn't help but be pretty impressed that Naeva had made the more rational choice. He himself wanted to be downstairs placating that barb of instinct, not up here where they might not be told anything at all. At this point he was positive that they could trust Logain, but the man probably _would_ keep secrets if he thought Naeva would be troubled by them. _And I guess I'd agree with that._ _I should get to know, though._

After a period of uncomfortable quiet, Gon started fidgeting. He'd been surprisingly level-headed about it all, too. His mouth opened and, after a sad glance at Naeva, he shut it without saying a word. She was staring morosely down into her cup.

Then Naeva's eyes went wide and she was up out of her chair in the next heartbeat. "Light, she _is_ coming to get us."

"The M'Hael's wife?" Alluka asked. She looked very nervous to hear that.

Killua held his sister's hand and helped her up, hardening his resolve. _I'd rather not have been right._

Gabrelle – alone – entered the cafeteria. She had her lips compressed to a bloodless line, considerably more discomposed than he had seen her earlier. As she approached, she swept an unfocused gaze over the air around them and then nodded to herself.

"What happened?" Gon burst out before she could say anything herself.

"A worrisome man entered Tower grounds," Gabrelle said. "Logain can see weaves of Saidin covering him, but cannot discern the purpose of more than a few." She sighed. "At first he would only say, 'Elan sent me', but once we had isolated him in the M'Hael's audience chamber, he switched to saying something else. It is evident that this man has been warped into conveying some message, but he will not speak it until there is a condition met."

"The condition is me, yes?" Naeva ventured the guess. "I am meant to hear this message."

"Yes," Gabrelle confirmed. "I believe the chance that this man's message can benefit us with new information is worth taking. Logain does not. He cautions that the weaves he cannot identify might do anything at all to cause harm, perhaps even to transport you directly to Ishamael. After some discussion, he has relented to allow you to decide for yourself. The longer my husband is down there with the man alone, however, the more I suspect he will simply kill him to eliminate the risk. I suggest that you make your decision quickly."

"I do not think there is much danger if I am meant to be in the room." Naeva was looking right at him, probably sensing his unease.

Killua focused on regulating his calm. He regarded the M'Hael's wife. "Could he really just instantly transport her to him, Gabrelle-Sedai?"

"I cannot give you a definitive answer to that. No Aes Sedai or Asha'man could do such, but Ishamael has all the forgotten knowledge of the Age of Legends."

"He will not do that, Killua." Naeva both sounded and felt fully confident. "Ishamael knows that the Warder Bond is in place. There is no way to remove it unless I do so myself and if he takes me now he will know that you can find us anywhere."

"You must consider that could be his aim," Gabrelle put in smartly. "If he plans to bring you to him, he may think that he will have time enough to turn you before anyone can arrive to help." She hummed, then went on, "Altogether, I believe that is the worst case scenario, and I estimate it to be unlikely." Her expression twitched with concern. "Logain is becoming very agitated. Your time to decide is running out."

"Let's go," Gon said.

At the same time, Alluka said, "It's too risky."

The two of them exchanged an antsy look.

Killua reached out to hold his sister's hand. "What are the chances that anything he has to say is going to be valuable for us?"

Gabrelle folded her arms across her chest. "In my opinion, that is more probable than the aforementioned worst case scenario. Ishamael is mad, and I doubt he is thinking this through as well as Logain is giving him credit for. It seems an awfully brash move, to me. My husband is not so far below Ishamael in Power, and with a greater number of channelers under his authority. He would be an unwise man to send an outright threat to."

Killua met Naeva's gaze. He felt the turmoil within her, and took the chance to try out using the Bond the way he was supposed to. Where her turmoil swam in his mind, he pushed his own calm.

Naeva's emotions did steady, and her gaze on his softened. "My mind may not be clear enough at present to trust my own decision. I want very much to go, but if you think we should ignore this, Killua, I will accept that."

 _She's letting me make the call?_ His thoughts raced to make a rapid deliberation. _Gabrelle, Naeva, and Gon think we should take the chance. Alluka and Logain both say it's too dangerous. Why would Ishamael have sent us a message? There must be_ _something he expects he can gain. But if he's made a mistake and we can learn something from that ourselves... The dreams are risky enough as it is. We've been doing nothing_. _This is the first opportunity we've had to change that._ "I think we should hear this message."

He'd no more than said that when Gabrelle turned and a Gateway split the air. There was nothing visible on the other side but half of an empty room. She eyed Naeva levelly. "I recommend that you unravel your Mirror of Mists. Every trick of yours that you can keep from him, no matter how small, may become a trick you can use against him."

Naeva clapped her hands, that disguise of hers dissipated, and they all walked through the Gateway.

The next room _was_ empty, until the M'Hael hustled in through a far door. A large sword that appeared to be made of solid crystal was clenched in one of his hands. He seemed upset to see all of them, but only for a second. "I suppose that I am not surprised. Naeva-Sedai, I would like you to link with Gabrelle and myself."

Her eyes were drawn straight to the crystal sword and her expression blanked. "You mean to use Callandor?"

Logain offered a thin smile. "I cannot predict what may happen, and I will take whatever advantage is available to me."

"What's Callandor?" Killua asked. "And what kind of link are you talking about?"

A trickle of worry came through the Bond as Naeva answered his questions. "The Sword that is not a Sword. Callandor is like my mother's bracelet – a way to draw in more of the One Power than can ordinarily be held. Callandor is _far_ stronger, however." She released a slow breath. "Linking is another way to draw more Power. A number of channelers can join together, with one in control and the others acting as conduits. I have... never been a part of a link before."

Gabrelle glanced toward her, all business. "Hold yourself on the brink of touching Saidar – be open, but do not make contact. Logain will make the connection through you. It will be jarring, at first." She frowned at her husband. "This is a nigh inconceivable amount of Power you are about to have access to. Do not allow it to addle your sense, lest you be a greater danger to all of us than whatever this message may bring."

"I can handle it," Logain said grimly.

Killua had to quash his frustration at how little of this he understood. That was easily enough done, for in the next instant Naeva gasped and swayed on her feet, driving all else from his mind. Gon – the closest – caught her by the shoulders before she could crumple to the floor. Even with his support, she trembled violently.

Gabrelle's eyes were rounded with concern. "Stop that! Pull more from me and less from her. You are going to burn her out if you-"

"I am finding the balance." Logain clipped the words between gritted teeth, his eyes closed. "Be silent a moment, Gabrelle. I will not burn her out."

Gabrelle watched Naeva intently, but she kept quiet. Everyone else did, too. Killua was focused on the Bond – a rush of exhilaration and a prickling that bordered on pain. He would've shouted at the M'Hael himself, but it seemed like a fragile moment and he didn't want to be responsible for screwing up something he didn't actually comprehend.

Naeva emitted a thin, reedy whimper, then relaxed all at once into the grip Gon hadn't let go of. She spent a while regaining her breath before pulling upright. "Thank you, Gon." She mumbled, then turned a wondering look on the M'Hael. "This is... more than I knew I was capable of."

Logain opened his eyes. "It is incredible."

"Euphoric," Gabrelle muttered, pressing her fingers to her temples. "Logain, if you become too emotional-"

"I shall remain grounded," Logain assured her, then surveyed them all with a meaningful look. "Everyone must remain grounded. Whatever this message is, it most definitely will not be pleasant." His gaze fell to the crystal sword in his hand – emitting a bright glow, now – and his voice became a gentle musing. "With this much of the Power, I cannot even feel afraid."

Alluka was glancing between the three linked channelers. She looked afraid enough to make up for anyone else's lack. "Are you okay, Naeva-chan?"

Naeva mustered a smile. "I am."

That was a lie, but he wasn't going to call her out on it. Killua turned his focus inward and pushed reassurance to her as well as he could. The anxiety in her mellowed to calm, and she turned her smile to him. He could still feel a peculiar sensation over her skin – it was just a tingle, now, with no pain. Evidently the M'Hael had found whatever balance he'd been seeking.

 _How much Power is Logain pulling from her? How much is he controlling right now?_ It was chilling to be surrounded by something so dangerous that he couldn't see or sense. Almost everything about this world chilled him to the core if he thought too long on it. Logain went to the door he had entered through and pushed it open. Killua kept his sister close as the rest of them followed.

In what was definitely the M'Hael's audience chamber – an enormous granite room bedecked with tapestries and hosting a gold throne on a tall dais – stood the messenger from Ishamael. The man turned toward them as they entered. His expression was frozen in a rictus of a smile, eyes as filmy and vacant as a dead man's. Alluka drew in a sharp breath and Killua pulled her closer to his side.

The man's dead stare fell upon Naeva and he twitched, then began walking toward her. Logain drew his steel sword from its scabbard and pressed the point of it into the man's chest. That filmy gaze never acknowledged the weapon, but the man did stop.

"Elan sent... me..." The messenger spoke in a raspy monotone. "Elan's wife... is here..." Every word seemed to strain him, requiring awkward pauses before he could go on. "Will... she listen?" There was no inflection on that to make it sound a question, though he grew very still in waiting for an answer. Most disturbing of all, his smile never shifted.

Naeva kept herself poised throughout that. "Speak your message."

The man started twitching again – sporadically at first, but it soon intensified to severe convulsions. His glazed eyes rolled up into his head. Everyone except for the M'Hael took at least one step backward. Logain's left hand firmed around the crystal hilt of Callandor while the other kept the point of his saber right up against the messenger. There was a haze of flickering black in the air around the man that almost hurt to look at. The flickering sped until it was imperceptible and became an opaque curtain of shadows.

Too suddenly, the unnatural darkness vanished to reveal that a different man entirely was standing where the first had been. Instead of the starved and dirty looking messenger, they were faced with someone who looked a well-dressed Lord. He was tall, with a broader stature, eyes black and glinting. His long blonde hair was secured into a ponytail, the end of which dangled over one of his shoulders. He held his hands folded behind himself. The man stared only at Naeva just as the first had, but his more natural smile lifted with what seemed genuine elation.

Horror stabbed into Killua's mind from Naeva and she retreated another step. At the same time, the M'Hael took a long pace forward to force the new man back and away from everyone else. Logain spoke lowly – addressing them without shifting his attention. "Do not be alarmed, it is only a Mirror of Mists."

 _An illusion, like Naeva's disguises?_ Killua concentrated on sending more reassurance through the Bond. That stabbing fear within her relaxed.

The man did not bother looking at Logain, and he appeared unconcerned by the length of steel pointed at his heart.

Naeva's temper went into overdrive, an avalanche of rage in his head, and then that was stifled and he was startled by the sensation of her pushing potent comfort through to him. Killua had been doing fine – in his own opinion – at maintaining composure, so he wondered at that. He only had to wonder for a second. Naeva spoke again, voice carrying all the anger that she was trying not to let him sense. "Ishamael."

That flood of comfort in the back of his brain was all he had left to cling to. Killua's bloodlust was an uncontrollable rush in his veins. _It's only an illusion. It isn't really him!_ The thoughts were frantic. His hands itched to strike out. He shifted to stand more in front of his sister than beside her. It was an unconscious motion. What consciousness he could gather was set on the monumental task of staying rational.

"It is wonderful to see you in the flesh, darling." Ishamael chuckled. "Well, your flesh. As this simpleton before me has explained, I am not truly here."

"So this is more than a recorded message." Naeva had tempered the anger in her voice, now. He realized it was admirable that she'd even been able to try that with his own wrath flowing through their connection. Desperately, Killua seized onto the comfort she was sending and worked harder to calm himself down.

The illusion of the Forsaken held his arms out at his sides for a flourishing gesture of repose. "I thought that you might appreciate my dispatching an intermediary to you. Very diplomatic of me, is it not? I am a reasonable man." His smile fell flat and there was a flare of insanity in his eyes. "A very reasonable man."

"Reasonable?" Gon's echo of that single word was hoarse. When Killua glanced over, his best friend's eyes were dark. "Just who the hell do you think you're fooling?" His fists trembled at his sides and Naeva stepped neatly forward to wrap her small hands around one of his. It was plain that Gon was on the same edge he'd been on himself just moments ago. Whether or not Naeva's attempt at soothing him would have any effect... the odds on that were close to fifty-fifty.

Ishamael's attention slid to Gon. Killua would have sworn that for just a split second the Forsaken's eyes became deep depths of red flame. Then he was right back to staring at Naeva. "Is that the one you Bonded?"

"I am sure you would like to know," Naeva said. "You shall receive no answer."

Killua stayed utterly still. _Of course. He can't kill her Warder without killing her... if he doesn't know which of us it is, he can't have any of us killed. Assuming he's got any_ reason _at all._

Ishamael's gaze ran from Naeva's face down her arm to that point of contact between her and Gon. "Stop touching him. Why must you always provoke me so?" he snarled.

Naeva didn't seem inclined to obey that fuming demand. Gon managed to relax, and he adjusted his hand to hold hers. They'd caught the fortunate result of those fifty-fifty odds, then. Naeva beamed up at Gon, then directed an identical smile at each of them in turn. When she looked back at Ishamael, she sighed exasperatedly. "If you-"

"Stop it _now!_ " This time Killua was certain that fire blazed where Ishamael's eyes had been, even if it was still just a flash. The Forsaken's expression fell just as quickly to sorrow. "If you do not step away from that boy right now... you are only creating needless pain for yourself."

Naeva's eyes narrowed – a challenging look. She wasn't exerting any control over their connection now, angry again and on a level even greater than before. Any second she was going to start snarling right back at the Forsaken.

Killua's heart twisted up in his chest. He aimed a pleading look at Naeva and pushed caution through the Bond with as much strength as possible. That wasn't easy to do. He hated that he wanted her to comply, but that threat from Ishamael was terribly sincere. _Please, Naeva._

Feeling sick to her stomach again, Naeva did step away from Gon. Her glare didn't mild in the slightest. "What lunacy have you come to spout at me today?"

Ishamael frowned. "Diplomacy, darling." He swept his black cloak absently aside and for the first time he really looked at everyone else. One at a time he singled them each out for an ardent glare. Alluka flinched, and Killua tightened his hold on her hand. Ishamael focused on the M'Hael last. "Logain Ablar, that blade can damage nothing but the Friend of the Dark I am using, and he is dead on his feet as it is. Surely you are not so asinine that you do not know that?" He laughed, almost pleasantly. "If I choose to attack your precious Tower full of children, I will send more than one paltry subordinate."

Logain's shoulders shook. After a few seconds, he sheathed his sword. "If you believe yourself so superior, why do you fear to face me directly?"

"Fear?" Ishamael sneered. "You _are_ asinine. I have no interest in obliging fools." He spared a contemptuous glance for the crystal sword. "And _that_ has been used against me before, you know. I will not be putting myself anywhere near Callandor again. Even in the hands of a fool like you – especially so – it is a perilous _sa'angreal_." Ishamael looked back at Naeva with something like excitement. "Did he tell you of the trap inherent in Callandor? You could wrest control of the circle from him, my Lady. Would you not like to hold all of that Power for yourself?"

"I trust Naeva-Sedai and she trusts me," Logain said. "That is why I lead the circle. It is not a trap to use Callandor with two women I trust. If you can recall through your haze of madness, the Dragon Reborn taught you that lesson."

The Forsaken turned his furious gaze on the M'Hael. "You are no Lews Therin, and my Lady – _my_ Lady – would not trust you so if I told her of your pathetic dreams!" His sudden smile was wicked. "Your wards were so easily unspun. You are _no_ Lews Therin!"

Logain was reaching for his sword again, but Naeva spoke up quickly and his hand halted. "Of course I would still trust him," she said. "The M'Hael has my utmost respect for the nobility of his actions. He is not the Dragon, but he is the Sealbreaker. He brought your defeat about whether you want to acknowledge so or not."

Ishamael's features twisted with ire, then relaxed. He gave Naeva a fond look. "I can be glad that I was defeated, my Lady. Else we would not have been reunited." His black eyes glittered with excitement again. "The next time the Wheel turns to Tarmon Gaidon, it will be you and I together who claim victory for the Great Lord. _Together._ " The brightness in him proved momentary and his rage returned full force. "I should have taken you from Moghedien as soon as she had you secured. That is the only failing of mine which I regret." He took two long strides in Naeva's direction.

Killua had barely moved a muscle. His feet had wanted to put him in front of the Forsaken and he'd caught himself before taking a single step. As small as his motion had been, Ishamael's attention fixated on him. Killua put on a ruthless smile. "Did I scare you? Don't worry, I'll hold myself back. It's only that you're so damn annoying."

Slowly, maniacally, Ishamael grinned at him. "It is you, I believe. You have earned yourself an excruciating death at my hands from what the Cauthon whelp says already, but if it is _you_ in her mind... I am going to relish hearing you scream."

"Tell me where your evil lair is and we'll see who screams," Killua growled. Naeva was pulsing caution was into his head, now. She wasn't looking at him, but her reminder was needed. He'd taken a senseless step forward. His sister tugged gently on his hand and he stepped back to her.

"I think not." Ishamael laughed – a more cruel sound, this time. "Tell me, boy, did you get my earlier message? I hope you realize that injury was for you. I expect you can feel it still, through that vile _Bond._ "

Fury swelled within Killua and it took serious effort to ignore that. Gon was giving him a worried sidelong look. The amount of malevolence in his aura was definitely palpable.

"Speak to _me_ , Ishamael." Naeva had switched back to sending him comfort. That was the last thing he wanted from her after having the intention of that nasty bite confirmed, but Killua took it anyway. "That is what you came for, yes?"

The Forsaken pressed a hand to his brow. "Yes, diplomacy. I should not have allowed myself to become distracted." He regained his disdainful poise. "I have an offer for you, darling. That you have formed these detestable attachments is not your fault, but it is past time to sever them. By the nature of your soul – which is _mine_ – you cannot truly care for anyone else. I will eliminate these others." His gaze on Naeva was something like soft, making for stark contrast with his sharp words. "As I cannot be certain of which is the Warder I shall have to rely upon torturing all of them until you yield, which is messy. Would you not like to avoid that?"

"You will not _touch_ my friends." Naeva actually stepped toward the Forsaken. Gon started to reach for her and pulled his hand back reluctantly, expression conflicted.

Ishamael saw the attempt and glowered at Gon for it before returning his focus to Naeva. "This offer is the only one I will make. It proves the magnitude of my love for you that I am willing to extend it at all, given my quite justifiable anger." His mouth flitted between a smile and a frown and settled on the former. "You will remove the Warder Bond and you will come to me today. In exchange, I shall permit these three interlopers to live. Most charitably, I shall even see them returned to the Mirror World they came from via Portal Stone – no other has the capability to do that for you, but I can."

There was a short, stunned silence. Killua saw a glimmer of opportunity. _If he's willing to meet with us at one of these Portal Stones-_

"He is lying, Naeva-Sedai," Logain put in quietly.

Killua wanted to smack him. _Damn it! Give me a second to-_

"Silence!" Ishamael bellowed. He whirled on Logain. "I only suffer _you_ to live because you might be replaced with someone more competent upon your death!"

Gabrelle aimed an icy glance at her husband. "We could at least consider letting the girl go, Logain. She can keep her friends alive and we can be rid of Ishamael threatening us."

Killua would've given her a thankful smile for that, if doing so wouldn't have blown the chance they were getting. _I can kill him if he just puts himself – his true self – within reach! He wouldn't even see it coming. We might end this today._ Silently, he collected encouragement and sent it through the Bond to Naeva. He had to believe that she'd intuited the same opportunity.

Gon clearly hadn't. He fixed the Forsaken with a wrathful, reckless glare. "You're the craziest bastard I've ever _-_ "

"Gon, please hold on." Naeva only whispered that, but Gon choked his words off with a noise of frustration. He turned a disbelieving look to her and she only lifted her hand in a gesture for patience. Killua could sense the nausea and hatred churning within her. She took a tiny, hesitant step toward Ishamael. "You would be generous enough to let them go unharmed?" She sounded only tentative, and displayed not even a trace of the torment she was shoving down inside.

"For you, my Lady," Ishamael said. "For you to come to me of your own volition, I will offer this kindness."

Alluka hissed in a breath. Killua squeezed on her hand again, trying to reassure her. Still, she cried out urgently, "Naeva-chan, you can't agree to that!"

Killua pulled Alluka closer. He bit down on his lip and willed sadness in his expression to serve their cause. His sister would see through that, and hopefully she would realize that there was a ploy going on. "Maybe we should consider this, Alluka. Just... consider it. I won't let you be tortured by this psychopath. If we can go home _..._ " He let his words fade away, voice pained.

A spark of understanding alighted in his sister's eyes, and she relaxed somewhat. Gon, on the opposite end of the spectrum, was gawking at him in absolute horror. It took his best friend a handful of seconds longer, but then he snapped his jaw shut.

Naeva stared down at the floor. "How would we accomplish such-" She sniffled, then lifted her eyes to the Forsaken again. "-such an exchange? Are we to meet you at a Portal Stone?"

Ishamael gave her an indulgent smile. "I shall send a coterie of escorts for you, and you alone. Remove the Bond and venture out into the surrounding woodland. You will be brought safely to me, while your companions must remain _here_ and wait. You yourself can send them back to their Mirror World after we have had our first day together. It would not take long to explain the technique of a Portal Stone's usage to you. The rest of the time can be ours to spend as best pleases us."

A wave of revulsion shook Killua. _Damn it! That's not going to work at all._

Naeva stepped forward again. She continued sending comfort and suppressing her more negative emotions. "And then, tomorrow, you would allow me to see them off?" Her lips curved into a sorrowful little smile. "You would trust me to do that myself, Elan?"

Now Killua had his own nausea to suppress. _What is she thinking?_ He concentrated on regulating himself – his bloodlust was boiling again.

"I could wish that it were only a simple matter of trust." Ishamael moved nearer to her – close enough to touch her, now. "You shall have to tolerate a stipulation. I am in possession of several Binders, which I believe you know as Oath Rods. You will swear oaths that there will be no plotting against me, no dallying in your farewell, and no lingering in that Mirror World. Once you have returned to me we can remove those oaths and be granted the remainder of the Ages together."

After a ponderous silence, Naeva closed her eyes. "I refuse your offer."

Killua resisted the urge to exhale with relief. He'd been about to snap himself that the deal was unacceptable. It frightened him a little to think about how nervous he'd been that Naeva might relent.

The Forsaken staggered back, more enraged than ever. His eyes became flames and remained that way this time. "Then I must kill them all." In spite of that incredible rage, his voice was low and steady. "Kiende..." Obviously struggling with himself, Ishamael made a strangled noise of grief and then abruptly recovered. He blinked human eyes – purely insane, but human again – at Naeva. "It hurts that you would force me to employ crueler measures. I _love_ you."

She kept her eyes tightly shut and didn't respond.

Ishamael flinched as if her silence had dealt him a blow. "We can speak more tonight... when it is only the two of us, as it should be. I will see you tonight, darling." As soon as he'd whispered that, the illusion of him was gone. The man he'd employed as an intermediary dropped lifelessly to the floor.

Logain ran to the fallen messenger without any hesitation. He put his right hand on the man's forehead. "There must be something. I can find something."

The man's dead eyes stared up at the ceiling and then... they just started to melt. His eyeballs liquefied and milky goo trickled down his face. The pores of his skin began oozing blood – too thick, that blood, like it had been stagnant in his veins long enough to clot. Alluka's expression was a mask of terror and Killua hugged her to himself so she wouldn't have to see as the mess continually got worse. _What the hell is this?_

" _Burn_ him!" Logain cursed roughly and the glow of Callandor intensified until it became dangerous to look at. Blood stopped leaking from the messenger. The man's chest rose and fell with irregular breaths and a wet, ghastly rattle left his dead throat.

That tingling on Naeva's skin tipped over the edge into pain. She lost her breath and her knees buckled. Gon caught her beneath the arms and shot Killua a panicked look. Gabrelle swayed on her feet, grabbing fistfuls of her silk skirt. She opened her mouth like she wanted to try for speech and could only gasp.

"Stop, Logain!" Killua meant to yell that – his voice was too breathy for a yell. The level of Naeva's pain just kept rising.

"I can find something!" Logain's grip on that crystal sword was white-knuckled. His touch on the messenger's brow was slipping through blood and the skin beneath his hand shifted like it wanted to slough away. "The Blight. There! Almost, I can... _almost._ "

The feeling from Naeva's skin was more like stabbing thorns, now. Beneath that was a searing heat in her bones and pressure inside her skull. Her head fell, then hung limp.

"You must stop, Logain." Gabrelle paused to pull in a ragged breath. She was staring at Naeva. What breath she had gathered was exhausted in an urgent cry. "She will burn out!"

The M'Hael fell back from the messenger with a groan, sounding agonized. His hand recoiled from Callandor more than he let it go. The crystal sword lost its blinding light as it clattered across the granite floor. Naeva's pain vanished in that instant. She was near motionless, only drawing shallow breath. Killua could feel the effort it was taking her to remain conscious. The dead man rapidly dissolved into a puddle of blood, slimy flakes of skin, and gelatinous bones. Killua felt outrageously grateful that Alluka wasn't trying to look up. His sister clung tight to him.

Logain glanced over his shoulder at his wife, a pallid image of regret. "You are alright, love?"

Gabrelle relaxed her hands and shakily patted down her skirt. "Far better than the two of you." She nodded at Naeva. "You could not have pulled one more drop from her... _Light_ , Logain."

The M'Hael grimaced. "I realize. Have you the energy left to do something for her?"

"I do." Gabrelle approached Gon and Naeva – only the slightest waver to her steps. "Lie her down, please."

Gon did so very gingerly. There was a sheen of sweat over Naeva's skin and her gaze was faraway. As Alluka slackened her hold on him, Killua led her hurriedly toward the three of them – away from the still frothing remains of the messenger.

Gon was unusually pale, his expression tight. "What was the point of that?"

Gabrelle knelt and put her hands on Naeva's cheeks. "That is a good question. Did you learn anything from the Darkfriend, Logain?" She performed a Healing, probably, if the spasm that shook Naeva was any indication. Killua looked to Logain, waiting on his answer.

Logain pulled himself to his feet and frowned at the bloody puddle, then walked over only to drop to his knees again beside the rest of them. "I needed every drop of that Power to learn what I did, and it was not enough. If I had been able to reach him sooner, or if I had more Talent with Delving... but the man's brain was disintegrating faster than I could Heal it, and digging through memory fragments at the same time was too much." His voice weakened to little more than a breath. "Ishamael has a fortress, and I believe it is somewhere in the Blight." When Gabrelle had withdrawn from Naeva, Logain reached out to smooth down her hair with a trembling hand. "Thank you for keeping me in check, Gabrelle."

Gabrelle aimed a faint smile him. "You, next. We cannot have you crawling about the Tower." The M'Hael sucked in a hissing breath as she channeled Healing through him.

"Why aren't you as worn out as they are?" Killua asked the Aes Sedai softly. It was a curious thing. Naeva's gaze was focused again, but she was still breathing unevenly. Logain was slumped in on himself, leaning on his palms.

Gabrelle regarded him a solemn moment. "I cannot channel even one half of their capacity, so my body was not put under as much strain. That is a terrifying fact. I am strong, but them _..._ " She waved a hand and let that sentence trail off. "It also helps that I have over a century more experience with channeling than they do."

Alluka blinked up at the woman. She opened her mouth – probably to ask how old Gabrelle actually was – and then looked down again in a hurry. Naeva was trying to sit up, so she assisted. The Healing had helped, but Killua could feel Naeva's fatigue still as a heavy weight in their connection. Maybe it hadn't been a very strong Healing, given Gabrelle wasn't full of energy either.

Gon's gaze sharpened on the M'Hael. "You saw his fortress? Can you take us there with a Gateway?"

"That was my hope, but no." Logain's voice was tinged with bitterness. "The man's brain was too far gone and the image that I unearthed was badly distorted."

Killua tensed up. _That bullshit offer Ishamael made was too calculated to be exploitable. What did we get out of this other than being taunted by a lunatic? Was all of that worth nothing?_ "You saw that it was... in the Blight, or whatever, right? How big is this Blight?"

"Too vast to search," Naeva whispered. She was frowning, eyes downcast. "Too vast, and populated with Shadowspawn. Even accounting for your speed and the amount of ground you can cover, it is a perilous task likely to take far longer than five weeks."

"A dead end," Logain said. "And it is my fault."

Guilt stabbed through the Bond. Naeva kept her sad stare planted on the floor. Killua sent her reassurance through the Bond as best he knew how and tried not to feel dejected when it did nothing to mitigate her guilt.


	25. The Damage Done

Gon gathered up the plates from dinner to stack them on the emptied tray. He did so in silence. There had been a heavy cloud of gloom hanging over all of their heads ever since the meeting they'd had with Ishamael. He'd known the Forsaken man was evil, been told repeatedly that he was insane, built up his own imagination of how revolting he might be... and still it had been worse once he saw him. The seeing was a part of it – someone so ancient and horrible really shouldn't look like any average person – but the greatest shock had come from the things Ishamael had said.

He glanced over to Naeva as her head bobbed up again and she shook herself. She was trying to keep awake as long as she could. Linking with the M'Hael had sapped nearly all of her energy, and it hadn't even done them any good. Gon wished now that he would've just let himself lose control and attack that jeering illusion when he'd first wanted to. At least then they would've all been spared listening to more of the Forsaken's sick speech. Naeva's head began to droop again and Gon squeezed a hand over her shoulder. She widened her eyes and straightened herself, offering him a thankful smile.

"Naeva-chan," Alluka started contemplatively, "what does it mean to burn out?"

Naeva drummed her hands on the tabletop – the kind of fidgety gesture she normally wouldn't display, but it was probably helping her stay engaged in the present. "It is like an accidental Stilling. A channeler who draws too much of the One Power risks losing their ability. Unlike with Stilling, no one has yet discovered how to Heal someone who has been burned out." Maybe she caught his appalled look, because she hurriedly went on, "It was not so close as Gabrelle made it sound. Logain was being careful – he knew when I was at my limit."

It reminded Gon uncomfortably of what he'd done to himself in order to gain strength enough to exact vengeance against Pitou. He _had_ been healed after that – miraculously – by Alluka and Nanika. And at least he'd been able to regain his Nen, painstakingly slow as the process had been.

Naeva sighed, sounding frustrated. "I wish you would cease feeling so bloody sorry for me, Killua."

Killua's eyes narrowed – not at her, but pointedly at the wall. "I've been doing my best to muffle it for hours. It'd help if you'd stop blaming yourself. I can't even imagine whatever ridiculous reasoning you've got for that."

"I am not-" Naeva bit down on that denial when Killua slid a chastening look her way. "-it is not about blame. I only... I feel that I owe all of you an apology, and I am unsure of how to go about it."

Gon frowned. "You haven't done anything wrong."

"Not directly," Naeva said, correcting her slumped posture yet again. "Yet I cannot stop wondering whether it would have been better to accept Ishamael's proposal. I could have found my own way to escape him after-"

"Naeva-chan!" Alluka's hands balled up into fists. She glared hard at her best friend. "Stop wondering that! It's the stupidest thing I've ever heard from you!"

"Which is saying a _lot_ ," Killua added in a low growl.

Gon felt irrepressibly sad. He shook his head at the furious pair. "I can see where she's coming from."

Killua turned an outraged look on him. "What?" It was a symptom of how pissed off he was that the single disbelieving word was the best he could manage.

"I'm not saying that she should've even considered taking that offer," Gon amended wearily. "The thought of that makes me want to throw up. I just understand why it's haunting her. Ishamael wanted it to haunt her, right?"

Killua's eyes became startlingly dark. His hand twitched – carving a few centimeters of varnish from the arm of his chair, although he didn't seem to notice – and then he blinked that weight of emotion away. "You're right."

Gon looked apprehensively to Naeva. "Is that how he treats you in the dreams?"

She started tapping on the table again. "More or less."

Killua sagged, resting his head in one hand. "That was probably him on his best behavior," he muttered. Alluka frowned down at the tabletop.

Naeva reached toward Killua and stopped halfway, settling her hands together in her lap instead. Gon was pretty sure he was the only one who'd even seen the hesitant motion.

"If I _had_ accepted the offer," Naeva avoided taking notice of the swift glares that produced from Alluka and Killua, "I could have sent you all to safety. The Black Tower would no longer be in peril from my presence. I would have learned how to use a Portal Stone, and at the first opportunity I could have jumped back home myself."

Killua's glare melted away by increments. "Ishamael would never have given you that opportunity, Naeva. He was probably lying about everything after you being escorted to him."

Naeva looked suddenly confused, as if that possibility hadn't occurred to her at all. "I suppose that he was... Light, it is so difficult to think straight."

"That's why you need to talk it all out with us," Alluka put in.

Naeva pursed her lips. "There is naught else that needs saying, really."

"He's manipulating you," Killua said. "And skillfully. You realize that, right? He's trying to wear you down as quickly as he can."

After a brief silence, Naeva gave a tiny nod. "I do realize." Her eyelids fell half-shut and she didn't seem aware anymore that she was sinking further down into her seat. "He never calls me by my name," she murmured.

Killua's hand clenched again, rending more slivers of curling wood from the chair. "You're going to pass out." His expression flashed with conflict. "Ten more minutes, tops."

"Hmm?" Naeva widened her eyes and pushed herself upright. "Yes, I need to sleep. If I sleep-" Her words cut off so she could stifle a yawn with the back of one hand. "-through the night, I can be at full strength again tomorrow."

Alluka's gaze had been dim with sorrow, but when Naeva glanced over at her she brightened up. "Okay, we'll sleep. I'll help you get ready for bed."

Gon stood and Killua did a heartbeat later. That'd seemed the obvious cue for them to leave. He just barely caught himself on the verge of saying 'goodnight'. There wasn't much hope of that happening. Thoughts drawing a blank on anything else to say that wouldn't sound equally depressing, Gon just kept quiet. _  
_

Killua pulled in a deep breath and managed a remarkably authentic smile. He mussed Naeva's hair and she lifted her head to return the smile. "It's going to be okay, no matter what. I'll be right here when you wake up."

Naeva caught him by the hand as he turned to go. Her eyes were watery. "You should not have to be so aware. I should remo-"

"Don't even think about it." Killua crouched beside her chair so that he was the one looking up at her. "Just be cautious, please." That was only a whisper, soft and heartfelt. He put his other hand over hers.

It was an unexpected moment to be a witness to. With the way they were staring at one another, Gon suspected they might have forgotten there was anyone else in the room. He and Alluka shared an embarrassed glance.

Naeva nodded once. "I shall try. Sleep well, Killua _._ "

"Until I feel the nightmare start," Killua said, and his thumb stroked absently across the back of her hand. "Then I'll be here with you."

Naeva smiled again. Her every blink was increasingly slow. "Go on, _mi Gaidin,_ off to bed with you now."

"So bossy," Killua teased. When that wrought a weak laugh from her, his lips twitched into a warm little smile – not like any Gon had ever seen from his best friend before, and that was a shock. Killua's touch lingered as he released Naeva's hand. Then he stood and aimed a more familiar smile at his sister. "Goodnight, Alluka." Killua spoke it like encouragement, and Gon promptly felt like an idiot for his earlier pessimism. _I'm letting this world get to me too much. We'll find a way to win this._

Alluka threw her arms around her brother for a hug. "I love you, Onii-chan." To Gon's surprise, she gave him a hug next. "Goodnight, Gon-kun."

Gon squeezed her back with enthusiasm. "Goodnight, Alluka."

He and Killua left the girls alone and wandered back to their room down the hall. The beds they had here weren't half so comfortable as the ones in the Palace had been. Not that it was anything to complain about, of course. He'd spent many a night contentedly sleeping on the ground. Gon fumbled with the buttons of his silk coat and peeled it off gratefully. _So much silk. At least my clothes don't have all that scratchy lace like Killua's do. He probably shouldn't have given the seamstress such a hard time. Jeez, that feels like it was forever ago. Have we really only been here a week?_ Constant tension did seem to make time drag. Those early days at the White Tower, surrounded by huffy Aes Sedai, were so pleasant now when compared with everything that had followed.

Gon realized he'd been standing in one spot staring at the coat in his hands for a while. He draped the garment over the bed frame and sat down to unlace his boots. With what he hoped was subtlety, he glanced up at Killua while he did so. His best friend was only leaning against the wall, staring out the window at the darkness outside. Killua's eyes flicked right to him almost immediately, though. Gon never could be subtle enough to escape his attention.

He offered a crooked smile and spoke the first thing that popped into his head. "At least the food here is good, huh?" _Well, that was stupid._ He chuckled awkwardly.

At first, Killua appeared startled. His mouth worked silently like he was trying to figure out any possible way to respond to that, and then he laughed. He actually doubled over, laughing in the semi-delirious way that only accompanied such stressful situations. Gon grinned at the sight. It took some time before Killua put himself back together enough to stand up straight again. He swiped a hand through his hair, gaze faraway, and then he smiled. "That even made Naeva happy, for just a moment." Possibly he hadn't meant to say that out loud. His cheeks flushed. Killua caught sight of Gon's grin, then, and affected a rueful glare.

"So you two can feel each other's emotions all the time? What's that like? Isn't it distracting?" The questions bubbled up one after another too rapidly, but Gon was curious. He'd been eager to ask more about the Warder Bond.

"We can." Killua went quiet as he put the rest of his answer together. He sat on his bed, removing his thick velvet coat. "It really isn't anything like I would've expected. I guess it's like gaining an extra sense. All of my senses work without my having to focus on them, and so does this. It's just an awareness of her – where she is, if she's thirsty, or angry, or hurt..." He scowled. "I can't explain it very well yet. I'm still figuring it out."

That left Gon more curious than ever. "So when you laughed, it made Naeva happy?"

"Yeah, she must've felt my amusement." Killua didn't look up from unraveling the laces of his shirt. Possibly he thought that could disguise the fact that he was blushing again. "Or, ya know, maybe Alluka said something funny at the same time. I can't be sure." He added that quickly and kicked his boots toward the wall with more strength than necessary. They'd been crisp new leather when he got them, but they were thoroughly scuffed up now like he'd owned them a year. Killua slumped a little. "She's asleep, now."

A simple statement, and a sad one. Gon laced his fingers together and stared down at them. "Naeva only held my hand, and Ishamael was furious with her. She was only trying to calm me down. Like it wasn't bad enough already, what if I made everything worse today?"

"You couldn't have made it any worse than I already did," Killua muttered. A second later, his voice was angry. "No, none of this is our fault."

Gon chewed absentmindedly on his bottom lip as he lifted his head. "That stuff Ishamael said about an injury, about a message for-"

"I told Naeva that I wouldn't let anyone else know about that," Killua interrupted him. His eyes were very serious.

"It feels like today was just a disaster." Gon shivered, despite that it was plenty warm in their room. "You really won't tell me what he did?"

Killua frowned. "I won't. You'd only freak out, anyway."

That was upsetting to hear, but he could accept it. Gon could acknowledge that he had a sensitive trigger finger. "It's a good thing you're the Warder. I don't know if I'd be able to handle feeling what she's going through."

"I screwed up earlier." Killua pulled his legs up on the straw stuffed mattress and braced his chin on one fist. "Naeva said I encouraged her, right?" He cringed. "Really, I just ranted at her and my mess of emotions put her in a dark place. It was so awful, Gon. I started panicking that she wouldn't come out of it... and if I hadn't forced myself to calm down, I honestly don't know if she could have."

Gon swallowed hard. _That's what Gabrelle-Sedai warned him about. I get it, now._ "But you did calm down."

After a moment, Killua nodded. "That time, I did. I'm worried about next time. Worried, and trying not to be, because then she'll just start worrying about _me._ It's complicated. Someone should really write up a set of instructions about how the damn Bond works."

"Maybe somebody has. It's not like we'd know." Gon watched his best friend – brooding so miserably – and thought about the way he'd interacted with Naeva as they'd left for the night. "Naeva seems to think you're doing well," he said, then went on more cheekily, "And she really was passionate about defending your honor from Gabrelle-Sedai."

Killua huffed and averted his eyes. "I'm going to meditate before bed."

"Need to clear your thoughts?" Gon made his tone extra light on that.

" _Yes._ "

Gon nodded. He should probably meditate, too. Falling asleep wasn't going to be easy if he didn't attempt getting rid of his unease first.

* * *

Naeva spoke in Old Tongue to spur her horse on faster through the Blight – her destination was an urgent one. She could not remember where precisely she was going or why it was so imperative that she get there, but that did not matter. All that mattered was that she waste no time. The cries of a Draghkar rang out from above and she could not even risk a glance up to see whether she was outpacing it or not. Any second might bring the feel of talons digging into her flesh to drag her from the saddle. Snowdrift, the gelding that had been hers from her fifth nameday, sped as quickly as he was capable of.

There was nothing to be seen in any direction save more desolate wasteland and scraggly, diseased foliage. There _was_ nothing, until suddenly in the distance she could just make out the shimmering image of a Shienaran Watchtower. Naeva bent lower to Snowdrift's neck, hands bloodless on the reins as they charged for the Watchtower. It was far off yet, and she could hear the beating of the Draghkar's wings upon the air now. _We can make it. We_ will _make it!_

Her horse needed no further urging – Snowdrift would be as desperate as she to escape the circling Shadowspawn.

Naeva could not sense the True Source. That was more than worrisome. Saidar being inaccessible to her wanted to tickle at remembrance of something in her mind, but she was too anxious to let herself think about that. At least there was the familiar weight of a sword across her back – she was not completely defenseless. One-on-one, she should be able to defeat a Draghkar if it came to battle... provided that she did not give it opportunity to sing.

The Watchtower was growing nearer. Snowdrift's hooves pounded the dry earth of the Blight. Naeva whispered encouragement to him.

A rent opened in the cracked earth ahead – deep and shadowed – and Snowdrift leaped to cross it. Her heart stopped sickly in her chest just the instant before she saw what she had been most afraid to see. A pale hand reached from the depth of the shadows beneath them and grabbed onto one of Snowdrift's front legs. Their momentum was wrenched to a halt in midair and the gelding flipped, tossing her from the saddle. Naeva hit the earth hard and tumbled. She bit her tongue and the coppery taste of blood was sharp in her mouth. There was no time to care about that. She ignored the aches from the impact and pushed to her feet, unsheathing her longsword in the same motion.

Snowdrift thrashed on the ground, both front legs broken and useless. Her heart ached for him, but she could do nothing. The Myrddraal was twisting itself loose of the shadowy crevice. She stood little chance of taking down a Myrddraal without channeling, but running from it would mean certain death. There was no way she could have run fast enough. With the Void to aid her focus her odds at matching swords with the Myrddraal would have been greater, but the Void would come to her no more readily than Saidar would.

Naeva fell into Lion On The Hill and waited, watching in what seemed slow motion as the Myrddraal drew its lethally poisoned black blade. It took a single step toward her. As it did so the Draghkar plunged down from the sky to pierce Snowdrift with its razor talons, disemboweling her beloved horse with a series of vicious swipes. The pained whinnying stopped. Grief wanted to seize her and Naeva had to ignore it as the Myrddraal took another step.

 _Its reach is twice mine. I cannot play this defensively._ Naeva held herself motionless until the Myrddraal was four paces away and then lunged forward with Parting The Silk. That black blade knocked hers aside and she sidestepped the counterswing, then spun her sword into Arc Of The Moon. As their swords clashed Naeva used every ounce of strength she had to avoid being pushed too far back again and it almost was not enough. She slipped two small steps closer with The Grapevine Twines. Her blade forced the Myrddraal's down – only a tiny amount, but it would have to do. She lashed out – Dandelion On The Breeze – to finish this by cutting through the neck of the Shadowspawn. It could not get its own sword up again quick enough to block that swing.

She was sure that the battle was won, but just when her blade should have struck flesh the Myrddraal vanished.

Something hit Naeva from behind in the center of her back. She was knocked off her feet.

Thick snow broke her fall and she rolled. When she found her footing again – calf deep in that crusted snow – her sword was gone. Naeva was positive that she had not let it go, and for a long moment she could only stare down at her empty hands in horror. Her peripheral vision caught the motion of a black boot, but not soon enough to prevent the blow that struck her ribs and knocked her down again.

 _I am going to die._ The Myrddraal's hoarse laughter was all she could hear. Naeva pushed herself up on her palms. _Fine. But I have to keep fighting._ Barehanded, she would be killed. Impending death was frightening, but less so than being left alive and helpless in the hands of a Myrddraal.

It did not give her the chance to go on the offensive again. Another swift kick hit the side of her head and Naeva fell once more into the snow, vision spinning. A panicked intake of breath stabbed shards of ice into her lungs and she coughed, but could do nothing else. She was aware of a grip tightening around a fistful of her hair and then she was being dragged limply forward.

 _I have to keep fighting it off._ Her hands raked through the snow at her sides, hoping for anything she could grab on to. _Snow... Snowdrift. Light, I could not save Snowdrift. We were so close. We were almost there..._ There was nothing at all to grab hold of. _Only bloody snow. Snow? Snowdrift is dead. He is dead in the Blight. So how am I lying in snow?_

Naeva was jerked up by her hair. Before she could do more than blink, there was a skeletal hand wrapped tight around her throat. Her body was lifted until not even her toes touched ground. Strangely, it _was_ bare ground now. Naeva averted her gaze from the Myrddraal's snarling face and tried to settle her attention on her surroundings. _The snow is gone. This is not the Blight, either. Light help me, where am I?_ All around was dense, tangled forest. _Impossible._ _And... why can I not channel?_ Her injuries hurt. The pain was distracting. Maintaining coherent thought was no easy task.

The Myrddraal's hand on her neck clenched and she was shoved up against a tree. She could feel the bark biting into the skin of her back. _What happened to my clothes? How...?_ Panic flooded her – a useless emotion, panic. As soon as she felt it, Naeva fought for anger instead.

Her fingers clawed at the Myrddraal's grip, but she could not pry it loose. That waxen expression stretched with a smile and the Shadowspawn pressed itself against her. _No! No, I... this has to be a nightmare! It is all impossible! This is a nightmare!_ Shadows coiled around the edges of her vision even as she clung to that certainty. The Myrddraal bent its face closer to hers, whispering vile promises beside her ear. _It cannot be real! It is-_ Full awareness hit her harder than any of the previous blows she'd taken. _Ishamael! This is his Dreamshard, and he has crafted me a personalized nightmare.  
_

That hand around her throat slackened just enough to allow her a shallow breath. The Shadowspawn laughed again, its other hand snaking across her skin from her leg to her hip, her waist, inching upward. Naeva choked on a scream and struggled to think her way out of the predicament. _Why?_ _Ishamael does not want this. Why would he-_

Naeva heard a raspy sobbing sound and realized it had come from her, then pulled in as much oxygen as she could. _Burn him! Light burn him to bloody ashes!_ She knew what Ishamael wanted and the notion of giving in wrenched her heart with a powerful hatred. The hand of the Myrddraal touched over her breast, squeezed, and her will shattered. Naeva cried out. It was little more than a whimper, but it did not need to be. "Elan, p-please stop-"

The Myrddraal disappeared and Naeva fell to the mossy earth, back scraped raw by the rough bark and branches of the tree. She coughed and gasped, hugging her knees to her chest and dropping her head. _I begged him. He wanted me to beg him and I did._ And now what was she doing? Cowering? Rage, fright, panic – all left her at once. She had room for little else beside the swell of self-loathing that had overtaken her.

The heaviness of a cloak was dropped across her shoulders and tugged around her snugly. A softer touch caressed over her cheek – a human hand this time, but colder than any human should be. Ishamael's voice spoke to soothe her. "You are safe now, my Lady."

 _I am not. I am in more danger now than ever I was before. If I had not given in, if I could have held strong..._ The hard earth beneath her became the cushioned surface of furniture. Naeva refused to look up. She felt terrified again. With trembling hands, she pulled Ishamael's cloak tighter around herself, hiding within the cover he had provided her. It made her feel horribly sick. _He is manipulating me. He wants me to feel vulnerable._ And she did.

"I do not like Halfmen. Even Aginor detests them, you know," Ishamael told her. His hand took hold of her chin to force her head up. Sympathy and satisfaction warred for dominance over his features. "You are safe with me." They were seated on the same bed as in the last dream – in the bedroom she had recognized as the one that had once belonged to Kiende and Elan. He used the backs of his knuckles to wipe the tears from her cheeks. "I would never allow such harm to come to you."

"You created that," Naeva muttered.

Ishamael frowned. "No, darling, your own fears created that. I rescued you. I am so glad that you reached out to me in time to stop that terrible nightmare." _Liar. He cannot think that I-_ His black eyes locked onto hers, driving the thoughts from her mind. A severe tremor ran through her and in its wake left relaxation that she was unable to resist. "You do feel safe now."

Entirely numb, Naeva felt herself nod her head as if there was a string tugging at her skull.

Ishamael's frown became a quite pleased smile. "You ought thank me, yes?"

"Thank-" Naeva all but gagged to keep herself from hypnotically speaking what he wanted to hear. "No." That single word took monumental effort.

Only the briefest flicker of displeasure crossed Ishamael's expression. "It is not right for you to treat me so poorly when all I want is to keep you safe and happy."

"You bit me," Naeva reminded him. "You are-" A slow, rhythmic ache started behind her temples. She could no longer recall what she had been about to say.

"I was incensed, when last we shared a dream. To know that you had allowed someone else to..." Ishamael lamented, then breathed out a sigh in lieu of finishing his sentence. His expression was sorrowful for a moment before he fastened even sharper attention on her. Everything save his wide, maniacal gaze became blurry. "My Lady, you must believe my promise that I will never again be anything but gentle with you."

Her head was throbbing now, a haze of dull pain and confusion, but Naeva managed a glare. "I will _never_ believe-" Her jaw clamped shut with a suddenness.

"You will," Ishamael said. He drew in a breath and hissed it out again. "You think that there is hope in serving the Light. And I understand that, the desire for hope, but it is useless." He shook his head, patronizing. "Worse than useless, it is blinding. They named me betrayer of hope because I gave it up in favor of truth, because I stood tall and spoke that truth to their faces. Even you, who had never before doubted me..." He smiled - the most mirthless smile she had ever seen. "Ah, that is all past. This time I will get through to you."

Naeva tried to renounce that and came to the frantic realization that she could not move. More of that abysmal panic swamped her from head to toe – if she could do anything more than breathe and blink, she would have been quivering in terror. Ishamael pushed her down on the bed and the cloak fluttered open. She wanted so badly to weep. It was pitiful that she had no other recourse to wish for, but at least weeping would have demonstrated how very much she hated him.

Ishamael's hands trailed over her bare skin – gently, as he had promised _._ "The ties that bind us are much too strong to be broken." He reclined beside her, bracing his weight on one forearm while his other hand came to rest on her hip. "You can consider it the cruelty of fate, if you like. There is no one who knows the cruelty of fate better than I do." His hand on her hip gripped tighter. That would bruise. Yet another dark mark of his touch upon her skin for her to wake up to.

"I hate you." Naeva choked the words out, shocked and impressed that she had done so. Her shock was nothing to Ishamael's, however.

"You love me!" Ishamael seethed, his hand convulsing so that his fingernails cut into her skin. Wrath radiated from his black eyes, boring through to strike dread within her heart – within her soul. "Why can you not acknowledge that?" Suspicion danced across his features. "No, it is not your fault. It is the others. Your parents, your mentors, those companions, everyone has sought to keep us apart."

Naeva felt her senses dissolve to worthlessness, unable to compete with the magnitude of her horror. Every instance of rage she had provoked in him before seemed benign compared to the way he was looking at her now. _No, I- why did I do that? Light, I may never wake again! I might die here and now beneath him on this bed!_

Ishamael sank down lower atop her. His hand relaxed, but his expression did not. "You took that boy by the hand right in front of me. Why would you do that? You _are_ mine, Kiende." A flick of his wrist brushed the edge of the cloak from her shoulder and he pressed a light kiss to where he had bitten her before. "I am yours, and you are mine."

Naeva was not even able to breathe any longer. She could feel his will bearing down on her like a physical force, wresting away the control she should have had over her own body. _He is not going to kill me._ Ever so slowly, his cold hand was sliding back down her skin. _He is not going to kill me!_ He pushed her legs apart and then his touch was between them. _Distance myself, I- I am supposed to-_

The flimsy shred of cognizance she had been maintaining was torn away. The intrusion was only momentary, long enough for Ishamael to exhale a heavy breath, and then her control returned to her and his weight was gone. He stood beside the bed, gripping onto the tall cornerpost with his eyes closed. "I almost-" He laughed. "-I might have actually gone mad there, for a moment."

Naeva cried. She had cried so many times in her life, but never before with such feckless abandon. Pride had always held her back from doing so; there seemed to be none of that remaining. She curled in on herself and sobbed so hard that her sporadic, hitching breaths made her dizzy. There was suddenly a dress on her again. She despised herself for how greatly she appreciated that fraction of kindness.

An icy touch patted over her cheek as Ishamael sat down next to where she lay in shambles. To amplify her shame, his voice sounded near heartbroken. "I will not let our proper reunion be drawn out any longer. This suffering of yours will end soon, my Lady." He bent to speak softly into her ear and convulsions wracked her. His breath made the hair on the nape of her neck stand on end. "Each second of pain that my methods cause you, I swear that I shall repay tenfold with love once we are together."

Naeva woke up, face every bit as wet with tears as it had been in the dream.


	26. To Hold Together

Killua felt each injury to Naeva as it happened, every wild emotion that took hold of her. _This is worse. This is so much worse! It has to stop now!_ He was up from his seat and half turned toward the door, ready to sprint away and find Logain so that at least an attempt could be made at waking her up. His feet stuck to the floor with reluctance. _If he isn't in his quarters I'll only wind up running circles through the Tower trying to track him down. More than that, I just don't want to leave. Gon can find him more easily._ "Gon."

His best friend glanced up quickly. "Yeah?"

"Go find the M'Hael, or Gabrelle-Sedai. Whichever you find first." Killua bit the words out between gritted teeth.

Gon responded with a brisk nod, then was gone from the room.

Impossibly tense, Killua made himself sit down again in the chair next to his sister. There was already a visible bruise spreading across the side of Naeva's face. _Two of her ribs are fractured. And those abrasions on her back..._ It all felt infinitely more dire with the accompanying sensations of panic, terror, and hatred. _What's happening?_ He strangled the pointless thought. There was a new spike of injury – bruising on her hip. And then five tiny cuts, like from fingernails. His mouth went dry. Alluka, probably seeing how shaken he was, folded her hands around one of his with a very concerned look. Killua kept his jaw clenched shut. _  
_

The horror sensed through the Warder Bond escalated to such a level that it provoked his own to echo it. Killua pressed a hand to his head and tried to focus on his breathing. He would have thought that at least it couldn't get any worse, but what followed was a wave of revulsion and despair that overshadowed all else. Naeva had been crying on and off throughout the entire dream, yet the amount of tears that left her now made the previous seem like nothing at all. And then she opened her eyes.

For a prolonged instant she only stared up at the ceiling, looking absolutely shellshocked.

Alluka threw herself forward to engulf her with a hug. Naeva squeezed back, trembling and sobbing into his sister's chest. Alluka rubbed one hand in circles across her back. "You're awake, now. Are you okay?"

That seemed to jar Naeva back to the present. Through their connection, Killua felt her mustering a degree of resolve. That rather astounded him, considering all that had preceded. Naeva withdrew from Alluka's embrace and swiped the wetness from her cheeks with shaky hands. "Yes, of course. Did I- is it morning?"

"It is," Alluka confirmed, then winced and lifted one of her hands to stare at her palm. "You're... bleeding."

Naeva stiffened. "It is nothing. It is only scratches," she whispered the weak reassurance and he sensed another surge of revulsion. Naeva then twitched the blankets aside to push herself out of the bed. "I am going to take a bath."

Killua broke free of his own horror and grabbed hold of her hand. _Steady. I have to keep steady._ Naeva turned a pleading look to him, a thin note of fear slipping through their connection. He stood up slowly, almost afraid he'd spook her. "Wait just a minute, okay? You need to be Healed this time."

Her expression went blank. "I am not that hurt."

"Yes, you are," Killua said firmly.

Naeva opened her mouth – probably to argue further – but then the door was opening for Gon and Logain to bustle in. The M'Hael went for her right away and made it only two steps before Naeva flinched backward. There was sickly shame in the corner of his mind, and yet more resolve to swallow it up.

Naeva eyed Logain warily. "You do not have my permission to perform a Delving."

With a slight frown, the M'Hael dropped the hand he'd already raised. "I cannot give you a targeted Healing without-"

"You do not have my permission to perform a targeted Healing," Naeva interrupted him, then softened her tone. "A battlefield Healing weave will suffice, M'Hael."

Logain appeared startled. "That will drain energy from you."

"Energy that I can replenish with a meal," Naeva countered.

Killua glanced between the two of them, thoughts racing to evaluate what was going unspoken in that moment. _She's anxious and ashamed, and she's refusing a Delving. Is it that she doesn't want Logain to be aware of the exact injuries I felt, or... was there something I didn't_ _feel that a Delving would reveal?_ Dread clamped around his heart and Naeva tightened her hold on his hand, aiming another pleading look at him. He quashed his dread as best he could.

Gon's eyebrows drew low in plain confusion. "But what-"

"It's okay," Killua cut his question off. _It's not okay, but she wants to keep her poise and I don't know if she can do that if someone asks her what happened right now._

Gon nodded once, but he only looked more grim afterward.

A wealth of gratefulness poured through the Bond from Naeva. Her hand squeezed around his once more and then slipped away so that she could approach Logain. "Just the battlefield Healing weave, please."

"Very well, Naeva-Sedai." Logain placed his palms on either side of her face. She shivered briefly before he stepped back from her, pensive. "I shall bring a breakfast tray up for you."

"That will not be necessary." Naeva retrieved her bag from the corner and clutched it to her chest. Her gaze dropped to the floor. "I would prefer to eat downstairs."

Killua frowned. _Why? Wouldn't it be more difficult to be around so many other people? I don't- no, that's not it at all. She's uncomfortable in this room. Being cooped up in here is only going to keep her dwelling on the nightmares._ Naeva left quickly, then. Alluka went with her.

The M'Hael whirled on him immediately. "What precisely were her injuries? What did Ishamael do to her?"

Killua narrowed his eyes. He was pretty offended by the bark of command in that. "Naeva trusted _me_ with the Warder Bond. I'm not going to spout off with everything she obviously doesn't want you to know."

Logain's face darkened furiously. He opened his mouth but said nothing, and finally turned about face. Logain halted just briefly in the doorway, speaking once more without turning back. "You must continue to take care of her." That said, he stalked off.

A period of oppressive silence descended before Gon wandered closer and set a hand on his shoulder. "You don't look very okay, Killua."

He sprawled down into one of the chairs. "I'm not." Absently, he bit on his thumbnail.

Gon sat on the edge of the bed and watched him for a quiet while. "What are we going to do?"

"I don't know." It was a struggle to keep himself calm – a very necessary struggle. Gabrelle's elaboration of his role as a Warder had only confirmed what he'd seen for himself. If he started to lose it, Naeva wouldn't be able to rely on him. If he could be a source of strength in her mind, she would stand a better chance of keeping her own. She seemed to believe that he could be. He wanted to be. If he failed her...

"For starters," Gon shifted about, his frustration plain, "I think we can at least pull an all-nighter tonight. No more of that linking, or anything else that's gonna drain away Naeva's energy."

The simplicity of that served for the current one day at a time strategy, and they had no other. _I don't want her going through another dream like that, and the next would probably be even more terrible._ He needed a plan that could end this. There was little he wanted less than to consider Naeva's idea about setting a trap with herself as a lure, but it was starting to really infuriate him that he hadn't been able to come with any more feasible option. _If Ishamael evades our trap, I can still follow anywhere he takes her. That might be the only guaranteed way of finding him. But I just... I want this solved without handing him the opportunity to do greater damage.  
_

Killua fought down frustration. Logic told him there had to be a way to think through this mess, but his logic barely applied to the realities of this world. There existed literal evil in this place. Hell was a physical location marked on every map, and the devil who lived there employed thirteen demons to do his bidding in the world. Ishamael himself was appointed first among those demons. _I don't have any way to fight someone who shows himself only in dreams._ Killua realized then that he was really doing a number on his thumbnail and forced himself to lower his hand.

Gon had flopped backward on the bed to glower impressively up at nothing in particular. "Maybe Nanika will wake up earlier than we expect." That was an unfortunately weak attempt at optimism. It was clear from his tone that even Gon didn't think it was worth much.

"Maybe," Killua said. "Maybe Ishamael will lose patience and decide to come at us himself." His own words sounded equally forlorn.

Abrim's not-so-long-ago claim that Ishamael needed only a few dreams to break Naeva down had seemed so ridiculous, at the time. Now, Killua was forced to take that claim as a more serious threat. Keeping her spirits up had become a task as important to winning this battle as keeping her safe. At present, her emotions in the Bond were an alarming concoction of torment that turned his stomach if he concentrated on them too long. A sense of deliberate perseverance was shrouding over that torment and growing stronger as she distanced herself from this most recent nightmare, but how much more could she endure before that perseverance left her? _How much has she been enduring already?_

Alluka reentered the room, looking about as gloomily contemplative as he probably did. She sighed before fixing them both with a wan, but hopeful smile. "I don't suppose you two are coming up with some brilliant battle plan, are you?"

Killua almost winced. "We're trying."

"We'll come up with something," Gon said more assuredly.

Killua mustered a smile for his sister. "Did she talk to you?"

"No. I'm really worried, Onii-chan." Alluka sank into the chair beside him and leaned her head against his shoulder, looping her arm through his. "I decided to give her some space because... I don't think Naeva will even try to process any of it unless she's got nobody around to put up a front for." Her hold on him tightened. She was on the brink of tears.

Killua ran a hand over her hair and tried not to deflate too much, himself. "At least for tonight, we'll all be staying up together. Naeva-" He swallowed hard and strengthened his voice. "-is going to be okay."

"No," Alluka shook her head, "it's different, today. I don't know how to put it into words." She pressed her face against him and he wrapped her up in a hug. Her voice was muffled when she went on, "It's just different."

Killua's heart sank, as much for the words as for the sorrow in her voice. "Naeva might not be in a place where she can talk about any of it yet."

"Which isn't a very good sign of how things are going," Gon mumbled. Alluka looked up at him with a tremulous frown and he deliberately brightened himself. "So we just have to make sure we put a stop to it." He stretched his legs out and kicked his heels distractedly, gaze thoughtful. "We can make some kind of a real plan with the M'Hael today. There's gotta be a way that we can discover enough about Ishamael to track him down. Nothing's as impossible as everybody here makes that out to be. I don't really care how big and dangerous this Blight place is, I'd rather be out hunting through it than sitting here useless."

Killua blinked at his best friend in wonderment. _I've been giving in to negativity, but he's exactly right. We can still find the right solution to this. We're Hunters, that's what we do._ There was the feel of Naeva's movement through the Bond. Killua turned his eyes to the door right as it opened and she walked through.

There really was something noticeably different in her demeanor, although at first he could put no label on it. Naeva had donned a gray velvet dress – one of those that looked plenty fine to him but which Moiraine had termed 'spinster garb.' She'd draped herself in a white shawl, secured with a prim knot as opposed to one of her dozens of brooches and pins. Her short hair was combed back and similarly unadorned. Still wet, even.

Naeva looked at each of them in turn, then smiled in a way that didn't touch her eyes. "Is everyone ready for breakfast? I am ludicrously hungry." That was true. He could feel it in his head. A side effect of the type of Healing she'd insisted on, apparently.

Alluka bounded up and went to her best friend with a deliberately sunny smile. "Breakfast would be great."

"Marvelous," Naeva said. She opened the door and started off, leading the way.

Out in the hall and halfway to the stairwell, the reality of what was different about her today struck him hard. Killua reached toward her and hesitated, letting his hand fall back. "Gon, Alluka, you two should go ahead. I'd like to say something to Naeva real quick."

Everyone swiveled about to stare at him. Gon seemed worried, Alluka appreciative, and Naeva... for just a tiny moment, she felt horrified. Then she averted her gaze.

"Yes, we can catch up with you both in a minute or so," Naeva said, her voice a tenuous impersonation of assurance. And that was it, right there. She was _impersonating_ herself today. Yesterday he'd given her hell for pretending that she was fine, but he could wish for that back compared to the way she was now just pretending to be herself.

Alluka whispered something to Naeva that Killua pointedly didn't listen in on before she and Gon left.

Naeva turned on her heel to meet his eyes again. Calling her smile halfhearted would've been awfully generous. She didn't even try to keep it up very long. Her posture fell and Naeva dropped a dismal gaze to her feet. "There was something I wanted to bring up, myself... I do not know how the Warder Bond works while I am in a Dreamshard _._ Did you sense each injury one at a time, or all at once when I woke up?"

"One at a time," Killua told her. He caught her fleeting wince, and the accompanying twinge of horror.

Naeva turned away from him. She meandered to the window to stare outside. "What was the last injury that you sensed?"

Killua was tempted to ask her to look back at him. More than that, he wanted to go to her. He wanted to console her. So much held him back. _I don't think she can take any amount of added pressure right now. She's walking a razor edge to keep herself together._ Killua made an attempt at getting rid of his frown. "The bruising on your hip." _And five small cuts through her skin. From his hand. Ishamael put his hand on her again like-_ He stomped on the thoughts before they could dredge up his own darker emotions.

Naeva let out a breath that almost sounded like a bitter laugh. Her relief in his mind was potent _._ "That is all I wanted to ask."

 _Something else happened afterward. Something that didn't physically hurt her enough for me to feel._ Killua felt far too tense. The absolute last thing he should do was inquire as to what exactly she was so afraid he might've picked up on. _If I ever get that bastard within striking distance, I'll-_ He fought to reclaim his composure.

At his silence, Naeva finally turned around. She leaned back against the windowsill to regard him – immense sadness in her eyes, but she was stifling that and pushing reassurance through the Bond. "What was it that you wanted to say?"

Killua blinked. _What was I going to say?_ He cleared his throat. _What does she need to hear?_ "I'm really proud of you, Naeva."

Naeva was stunned. "What? Why? I have been-" Her voice broke. Ordinarily she'd be angry with herself for losing her poise, but he sensed nothing like that from her. "-all of this-" She slumped, the conviction in her wavering beneath an onslaught of emotion that was too tangled for him to unravel. Tears leaked down her cheeks even as she squeezed her eyelids shut.

Killua held himself still. He focused on the Warder Bond, pulled the feel of comfort up within him, and sent it through to her with as much strength as he could manage. "Four dreams you've made it through, and I know that it isn't... none of it's been okay. I'm proud of you for holding on."

Naeva scrubbed at her face with her sleeves, her every breath more shallow and uneven than the last. "But, I-" Her words choked off. She took a few steps toward him and half raised her arms like she wanted a hug, then swiftly put her hands beneath the shawl again and hung her head. "We ought go to-"

Killua took the last step forward and pulled her into his arms, setting his chin atop her head. "We're not going anywhere just yet." She was shaking, but she didn't start crying again. He held her close and tried to ignore his own paranoia that she wouldn't want him to.

Naeva's hands tightened around fistfuls of his silk coat. "You warned me to be cautious and I- I should have listened to you!" Her voice shook as badly as she did. "I made so many mistakes. I begged him! It h-had me and I was- and after, I- burn me, he was so furious. I w-was- but if I h-had been cautious, I-" She was becoming lightheaded.

"Shh, breathe," Killua urged her. He couldn't come anywhere close to understanding that rambling torrent of words. "What are you trying to say?"

Naeva relaxed her hands and slid her arms around him. She took some time to deepen her hectic breaths. Still, he could feel her heart pounding. "It was a nightmare, with a Myrddraal, and I... when I realized it was Ishamael's doing, I begged him to stop it. I made a poor decision, Killua. A _weak_ decision."

That was enough to paint an uncomfortably vivid picture already. For a number of seconds Killua focused on the task of keeping his calm. Maybe he was too intent on that, because he spoke again without giving it conscious thought. "And afterward, he was furious?"

"I told him that I hated him," Naeva said. "He had me paralyzed, and he was so angry. I thought that he might kill me, but I did not think- I have never-" She paused there, and went on even more bitterly, "Gabrelle was right about me. I was close to breaking."

"You didn't. You won't _._ " An unwelcome desperation rose within Killua and he struggled to contain it. He leaned back just enough to look at her, to have her look up at him. When he laid his palm against her cheek, she set a hand hesitantly atop his. It seemed an indeterminate amount of time that they only stared at one another.

Light returned to Naeva's gaze gradually as she surfaced from the torment of speaking even as little as she had. Not much, though. "You are right. The consequences would be terrible for the entire world."

Killua shook his head. "Stop that. You're talking like you've given up on worrying about yourself in all of this."

Naeva stepped backward. "That is not such a bad thing." She pulled her arms beneath her shawl to fold them across her chest. "What happened already is done, and what happens in the next dream does not matter so much any longer." She offered a smile that was slightly more genuine than her previous. It still wrenched at his heart. "I will not be giving up on defeating Ishamael. That, I can promise you."

Killua felt like his voice had deserted him. He wasn't sure he could express himself well enough to refute the first half of that without shaking her determination on the rest. _She's decided to take Gabrelle's advice. I just don't know if that's good or bad._ At a loss for meaningful words, silence prevailed.

Naeva frowned, her focus going faraway. "He can do whatever he wants in the dreams whether I scream and weep about it or not. Detaching is the correct choice. Until this is over, until I can forget about it. When we are safely home, I can forget."

 _I'm supposed to accept that he can do whatever_ _he wants to hurt her until this is over with? Is that really the best we can do?_ At the doubtful thoughts, he furiously summoned his own conviction. _No, it isn't!_ "There won't be even one more dream if I can help it." Killua spoke too vehemently, and had to expended serious effort to temper his tone. _Calm. I need to stay calm._ "For tonight, we're keeping you awake. We'll all decide on a strategy together with the M'Hael, and I intend to see that this is all ended by tomorrow night."

At first he felt shock from her, then a rush of appreciation laced thinly with sorrow. It was confusing. Naeva was always confusing. "I do not even think you mean to sound so valiant."

 _Valiant?_ His cheeks heated. Her use of flowery language really got to him sometimes. "I was trying for cool confidence."

"Yes, I can sense that. Being valiant is only a part of your nature, I suppose." Naeva almost smiled as she said that, and then the flicker of brightness in her dimmed. Her voice fell to the faintest whisper. "If this is not ended by tomorrow... please, you must not be disheartened."

"Is there anything more I can do? I feel like I'm barely getting how the Warder Bond is supposed to work."

Naeva's brows drew together. There was a tremble of earnestness – audible in her voice and tangible in his mind – as she answered. "Killua, you are nothing like a Tower trained Warder, and I would not want you to be. You have been doing so much, exactly as you are." She reached up to tuck a fallen strand of hair back behind her ear. Briefly, she seemed dazed. Maybe that was at the discovery that she'd left her hair wet, because in the next second it was dry. "It is enough that I-" Her voice broke, thinned. "-that you have not lost courage. I cannot keep my own thoughts in line, but you are there and it is enough. You are my friend, and you are there, and I would be so _lost_ if I-" He'd been about to interrupt – certain that he'd pushed her too far again – but she pulled herself upright and drew in much needed breath. She gave another sad smile that only just curved her lips. "My mind is scattering, but I cannot be lost with you always there to lead me back."

It was painful to see and hear her go through that cycle of emotion, but the addition of feeling it didn't amplify that pain as he might've once thought that it would. Learning how to use the Bond – even if he was fumbling his way there blindly – was providing him a better perspective. The words themselves warmed him, and all the more so because he could feel that she meant them. Her sincerity ran deeper than he would have ever been able to hear or see. _I can't make her hurt any less. What I can do is make sure that she isn't all alone with that hurt._

Killua pulsed sincerity back to her as he spoke. "I'll be there, Naeva." In an attempt at levity, he tapped a finger to her head just two or so inches behind her right ear. That was roughly where he felt their connection in his own head. "Right there."

Naeva's smile at that was slow, but also her brightest yet. It was definitely brighter than such a lame little joke deserved. That fathomless suffering in her eased just a fraction as she brought her determination back to shroud over it. At the same time, the modest lightening of her mood promptly reminded him of how hungry she was.

Killua tried for a bright smile, himself. "We really should head down for breakfast now." At the next thought that occurred to him, he suppressed the urge to grimace. "You'll need your Evana disguise." He wasn't a fan of her disguises in general. This world and the current situation demanded she not look like herself, however, and it was selfish of him to be annoyed about it.

"Breakfast, yes." Naeva nodded. Her coloring changed with a clap of her hands, and then she dropped her eyes. A new thread of doubt was prevalent in her when she peered back up at him. "Killua, would you..." She abandoned the question with a shake of her head. "Yes, we should go."

He debated asking her to finish her question, and in the end decided it was probably kinder to leave it be. Whatever she'd wanted to ask had put her near to crying again.

* * *

Naeva kept her eyes planted on the floor as she walked beside Killua. She was trying her utmost to not dwell on how keenly she had wished to hold his hand. As if clinging to his presence in her mind were not pitiful enough, the physical reality of him was equally comforting and she wanted that, too. Well, she could at least ignore the temptation. It was only one of her smaller problems. There were many more horrible thoughts that she was fighting off. The Void was far beyond her grasp. She wanted so badly to hold his hand.

When they settled in at a table in the mess hall with Gon and Alluka, Naeva did her best to not look as awful as she felt. Her friends spoke to her and she mustered adequate responses in a vague sort of way. She thought that she sounded natural enough. From the filled platter in the center of the table she selected a few items for herself without really looking and set about giving her body the nutrition it needed to restore her energy. _I am a coward. How can Killua handle having me in his head? It would have been braver of me to remove the Warder Bond last night, but I could not even get the words out. And this morning, now, tonight, tomorrow... Killua should not have to know. I do not want him to know. No one has to know. I will survive. Of course I will._

A small spoonful, tasteless chewing, a mechanical swallow. _No sleep tonight. That means I can have today and tomorrow to come to terms with it. I suppose that I can be successful at that._ Repeat. _I ought speak with Gabrelle privately. She knows what I need to hear better than I do. And I will apologize for not heeding her advice the first time._ Repeat. _Ishamael will be angrier with me tomorrow if I do not dream tonight. That is-_ A hand fell atop hers as she put her spoon down to the bowl again and she actually jumped.

Naeva glanced up at Alluka, frantically trying to remember anything of the prior conversation. She could not. "Hmm?"

"It was stupid, anyway," Alluka said, and put on a smile. "Never mind."

Naeva shifted in her seat. _It must be so difficult to be around me right now._ "I am sorry, Alluka-chan. I was not listening at all." She willed her voice to be more encouraging. "What was it that you said?"

Alluka gestured to the bowl that Naeva had been eating from. "I just... well, I thought that you hated oatmeal."

Involuntarily, Naeva came close to gagging. She blinked down at the bowl of thick porridge. "I do," she said, then had to stifle the hysterical urge to laugh. _Moghedien fed me nothing but cold porridge, hard tack, and sour cheese. I have not eaten any of the like ever since._

The bowl in front of her slid away and Naeva looked up again. Gon exchanged her oatmeal for his own bowl of berries and cream. "It's no big deal," he assured her. "I like oatmeal."

At first she only sat there, completely dumbstruck by the kindness. Naeva scooped a bite of the berries and made herself really appreciate the sharp sweetness on her tongue. "Thank you." That was meant to be said lightheartedly, but it was hardly even a whisper. _Pathetic. I am only going to make them all upset._ A tiny jolt of distress slipped into her mind.

"Evana, look up at me for just a second." Killua's voice.

Naeva complied, albeit reluctantly. Killua's expression was sad. Although he thought that he was not understanding the Warder Bond, he clearly was. That sadness in him was difficult to sense beneath the powerful solace he was sending her. Killua reached into the pocket of his coat to withdraw a kerchief. _How odd. Is he not going to say something? Why-_ He dabbed the soft cloth across her cheeks and she was made unfortunately aware that she had been crying yet again.

Once her face was dry, Killua stowed his kerchief away. He touched her lightly – just a brush of his fingertips over her cheekbone – and Naeva relaxed a little. His hand was warm. "You're dehydrated. Drink your water, okay?"

Naeva nodded. _I am such a child. I am a burdensome, pitiable child. Can I not hold myself together?_ She picked up her mug of water and gulped some down. Her mouth really had been dry. _I must remove the Bond before I sleep again. It would be cruel if I did not._ She summoned as much conviction as she could for that. It was going to feel so lonely to have her fractured mind back to herself. _Ishamael will do what he wants and I cannot stop it. I can stop him from having my soul. Surely I can do that much._ She finished the bowl of berries and cream, then moved on to eating a bread roll. The bread was warm, too. Every bit of warmth was appreciated. Her skin might have been ice. Or, was there ice covering her skin? It did not matter.

A voice sounded nearby – not a voice she recognized, so not a voice that was important. Naeva dismissed it. It sounded again, somewhat closer. She still did not care. It was probably some passing Asha'man speaking to another. Perhaps a chatty servant.

Killua's hand fell on her shoulder. "Evana?" When she glanced up at him, he gestured for her to look the other way.

Naeva remembered the voice, now. She should have recognized it from the first.

Standing just a pace from their table and fretting his hands together was Asha'man Rowley. He frowned when she met his gaze. Everyone was frowning at her, today. "Do pardon me fer the interruption, my Lady."

 _My Lady._ It took everything she had not to shudder. _My Lady, darling, Kiende, but never my name. Not even once._ "Please, you must call me... just Evana, please."

His face colored, but he nodded accommodatingly. "I did hope I might see ye about the Tower again. Yer letter was sent off with haste, I did be sure of that." Rowley ceased his fidgeting and held his hands still. He looked... worried? Yes, worried. "Please do be forgiving of the observation, and I be meaning it kindly, my- er, Evana..." He exhaled a puff of breath. "Ye do no be looking so well as ye did."

Naeva sat up straighter. "I am quite fine, Asha'man Rowley."

He did not appear to have been reassured. If anything, he might have been made more uncomfortable. She was having a hard time concentrating well enough to read him. Rowley's gaze flitted over her head and then back to her. "Might this have anything to do with the contents of yer missive?"

Her immediate reaction was to be irritated that he would not take her at her word that she was fine. Belatedly, recollection came back to her of the story she had used on him and the way that she had conducted herself. Naeva studied the Asha'man more closely and he was looking over her head again. When she glanced back at Killua, he was glaring. _Oh, burn me._ A tremor of guilt coursed through her. She wanted to sick up. With great effort, she stomped on her guilt and pushed reassurance to Killua.

Naeva stood and curtsied to the Asha'man. "I lied to you before. I made everything up." Her voice was meek – unintentional, but probably for the best. "I am not a flighty girl, merely a dishonest one."

When she straightened up again, Rowley appeared scandalized.

Alluka hopped quickly to her feet. "She had her reasons! Evana just-"

"It is alright," Naeva interjected. The defense of her was sweet, and it twisted in her heart like a blade. She turned back to Rowley and bowed her head. "There is no reason good enough for the lies that I told you." Her eyes were misting. _Burn me!_ She could not cry, it would only embarrass him. At least her face was down. "Had I truly been in such a p-predicament-" That quaver in her voice was humiliating, but then she deserved to feel humiliated after the way she had treated him. Naeva continued, "I could not have stumbled upon a finer gentleman to provide me aid." _He was very nice to me. Why did I...?_ "I am very sincerely sorry, Asha'man Rowley." That last was a whisper. She could not look up at him and see his reaction.

"Ye have forgiveness from me, Evana." Shockingly, his tone was as meek as she had heard her own.

Naeva met his eyes again and he looked no less worried than he had. "Thank you." _Even if I do not deserve it._ Guilt wanted to rise up again like bile. She kept her focus on sending reassurance to Killua, whose confusion was incredibly overshadowed by concern.

The Asha'man actually smiled. "I can no help but think ye may have been lying about being well." She felt the blood drain from her face, and he hurriedly waved his hands. "It do no be an accusation! A harmless lie is no such an offense! I do only-" He spluttered, then stopped and went on more levelly. "-it do no be me place to say so, but ye were right lively when last I did see ye. Today it do seem as if ye be troubled, and I thought only to ask if there be anything I might do to help."

Her knees were not cooperating with her wish to remain on her feet. Naeva slumped back into her chair with a distinct lack of grace. "You are a very good man." _You cannot help me._ "I am well, I assure you." _Please go away._ She settled her disconsolate gaze on the polished floor. If he thought her rude, that was fine. He should not be bothering himself over her.

"I do hope so," Rowley said. He sounded sad. Sad, and it was on her behalf. She let herself go numb a little more. There was not enough strength in her to cheer the Asha'man up. It would take everything she had to keep from dragging her friends down, and she was already making a poor job of that. Rowley knelt then, putting himself into her line of sight. He reached toward the vase on the table to pluck out an orange and yellow marigold. For a second or two, he only twirled the marigold between his fingers and looked it over. Then his gaze went distant and the flower crystallized from stem to blossom, composition altered and colors preserved.

Naeva had never seen anything like that before. Her eyes widened. Unthinkingly, she almost asked how he had done it. Earth and Spirit, perhaps? Was Water involved? How in the Light had he done that? She only narrowly stopped the questions from leaving her lips. He did not know that she was a channeler and it would have been foolish to give herself away in a fit of curiosity.

"Years past, I did spend a summer traveling the Borderlands," Rowley mused. "I tried me hand at courting a pretty Saldean girl. The weather be so cold up there that the flowers do no live so long, and I did think that quite sad. In Illian we be having flowers year round, ye see." He cleared his throat absently. "Well, I thought meself clever and this girl very pretty, so I did learn this little trick fer her. Took me o'er three days to be getting it right." He grinned up at her. "She was no so impressed. Told me she had no time to be charmed with flowers when there do be wool to spin and firewood to split."

Despite everything, Naeva's lips twitched in true amusement. "That girl must have liked you. She wanted you to argue with her about it." At his dubious look, she added, "If you had argued, I expect she would have fallen for you."

Amusement trickled to her from Killua. It was Gon who spoke up incredulously, "How does that make any sense?"

She considered how to elaborate. The dynamics of a Saldean relationship rarely made sense to those who had not spent a good deal of time around one. "Saldean women are only so prickly with men that they like. They raise a challenge and want to be called out on it." When Rowley seemed only bewildered, Naeva went on, "She wanted you to tell her off for being so lax in her winter preparations that she has no time to stop and appreciate the summer flowers. That would have shown her that you have no interest in courting a fool, and therefore that you expected more from her. She could then have protested further to assert that she was no fool, and on it goes until she is convinced that you respect her and take her seriously."

Killua chuckled, and his wry mirth felt uplifting in her mind. "That sounds more difficult than _daes dae'mar_."

"It sounds ridiculous," Alluka commented. "Who wants to spend all their time arguing with someone they like?"

"Saldeans," Naeva said. She picked up her water chalice to take a long drink, conscious again of how thirsty she was.

Asha'man Rowley laughed. "I did miss me chance, then. Borderlanders in general do baffle me. I tried the flower again on a Malkieri woman and she told me that she would no mind making me cut me hair. I could no decide if that be a threat, so I did wish her fortune and be gone in a hurry."

"Weird." Gon glanced to her. "What does that one mean?"

Naeva very carefully swallowed down her sip of water. "Ah, there I have no idea." She received three disbelieving looks for that denial, but Rowley merely nodded.

The Asha'man extended the crystalline marigold to her. "The third cast do be the luckiest." His face flushed and he hastily amended that, "No to imply that I be fishing fer ye. Light, I only hope it might give ye reason to smile."

Naeva did smile as she accepted the flower from him. It was not necessary to force the expression, either. The unexpected diversion had served to place a small buffer between her and everything she did not want to think about. "It is lovely, thank you."

"Ye be most welcome, Evana," Rowley murmured, then stood and bowed. "I ought be letting ye get back to yer breakfast now. Winds be guiding ye true, all of ye." She watched him amble from the cafeteria.

Naeva stared down at the marigold in her hand, pondering again what sort of weave might turn a flower to crystal. _Three days he spent trying to figure it out. All to give a Saldean girl a flower that would survive the harsh Borderland winters. Frivolous, but... it_ is _very lovely._

"Asha'man Rowley is so romantic," Alluka said wistfully.

Naeva shook her head. "He has his head in the clouds."

"But his heart was in the right place." Alluka smiled. Her gaze dropped to the crystal flower and she emitted a soft sigh. "I thought it was really sweet."

Naeva looked between Alluka and the flower a few times. She stood to walk around the table and slide the crystal marigold behind a pinned up portion of Alluka's hair. "There. It looks beautiful on you."

As Naeva sat back down again, Alluka touched a hand over the flower in her hair. She frowned. "He did give it to _you_ , N- Evana."

Naeva shrugged. "And I am giving it to you to wear." Her voice was light on that, and she added a smile. "Simply because I want to, Alluka-chan. You need not overthink it." When her best friend relented with a small nod, Naeva went back to eating and tried to concentrate on tasting everything. Killua was giving her a considerate, sidelong look, yet all she could sense through the Bond was unwavering calm. She was grateful that he chose to make no comment.


	27. Once Too Much Has Been Lost

After finishing breakfast, Naeva did feel the physical energy spent during the earlier Healing was replenished. That was the point of an all-purpose battlefield weave – it drained very little from the channeler and instead pulled strength from the target. Such a tiny price to pay for skipping out on the Delving. Had Logain performed a Delving, Naeva was truly uncertain of what might have been revealed to him. It discomfited her that she did not know, made her feel unbearably paranoid. At least Killua had not sensed everything. The thought that he might have had been horrifying, but that fear had been absolved.

She was also no longer sick to her stomach, which was nice. _It would be far nicer still if I could get rid of the cold clinging to my skin. Is it inside of my skin? Ishamael touched my soul, did he not? Light, now the nausea is back._ Her pace had slowed, and she was lagging a bit behind the others now. Her feet did not want to move any faster up the stairs. They were already almost at the top floor. She could not suppress a queasy gulp. Short of the interior of a Dreamshard, there was no sight she wanted to see less than the room she had been sleeping in. Struggling with her own inane fright, Naeva sped her steps to catch up before anyone noticed her falling back.

Up and out into the corridor. Far at the end was the door she did not want to go through. Hands like slick ice sliding down her skin. Naeva shivered before she could stop herself. _I want a bath. Hot water might help. Very, very hot water. Yes, I think that might help._ She halted at the door to the washroom and had a grip already on the handle when worry slipped through the Warder Bond. It was only a quick slip and then the calm was firmly back in place, but it was enough to make her hesitate. _I am letting myself be scattered again._ Her friends had stopped a few paces ahead down the corridor and were now glancing backward at her.

Naeva offered the best smile she could. "I am going to take a bath."

Gon and Killua shared a brief, dismayed look. She wished she had not seen it.

Alluka approached to lay a hand over hers. "You did just take one an hour ago, Naeva-chan."

"I am cold." That was vexing. She had not meant to say that.

Gon shifted, a frown wavering on his features. "It's gotta be like eighty degrees up here."

 _But my soul is cold._ Well, she certainly could not say that. Naeva was still scrambling for a more sensible reply when Killua's gaze darted at the far door and then back to her. His calm in her mind held steady, but his eyes flashed... she did not know. She was quite sure that she was normally better at deducing emotion – she had been trained to be better – yet it seemed an endeavor for her today.

Killua spoke up smoothly. "We could go back down to see the M'Hael, Naeva."

"Oh, yeah!" Gon agreed with enthusiasm. "I'm sure that Logain's got some good ideas by now, and we'll be able to make a real plan."

 _Thinking of Ishamael is bad enough. Burn me, for I do not want to talk about him or even hear his Light-blasted name. A real plan...? I did say that I would not give up on defeating him. And yet, with my mind as addled as it is..._ Naeva made her voice as even as she was presently capable of – which was to say, not very. "You three ought go on without me."

The way Alluka's expression crumpled induced another flood of guilt within her. Her best friend recovered with remarkable haste, however, and even gave a smile. "No, we should just wait for you. If another bath will help you to feel better, we can wait."

Killua nodded. "We'll need you there with us." He appeared reluctant to be speaking at all, yet their connection read only resolve and reassurance. "It won't be a very good strategy unless you're involved in forming it."

Naeva had to turn those words over a few times before they made even a whit of sense to her. Killua was well aware of the sorry state that her mind was in. She was incapable of keeping her own thoughts in line, and had no hope of being logical enough to aid in forming any kind of strategy. When she did piece together what he meant, her stomach lurched sickly again. But then there was a soothing flow of tranquility from the corner of her mind. _They need the information that only I possess – my perspective is a piece of the puzzle, and one of the few they have to work with. Without me, they may be forced to speculate on too much. I know Ishamael's motivation and temperament better than anyone else._ "Very well." She heard herself whisper assent more than she thought about giving it.

Alluka took hold of her hand and squeezed tight. "I'll sit with you, okay? I can help you clear your head."

"Yes, of course." Naeva tried not to feel morose about it. _If I must speak of of Ishamael, talking to Alluka alone first will help. Mayhap I can cry all of my tears out with her. I hate crying in front of her, but it will be easier._ It was pathetic that she could conduct herself no more graciously than that.

Naeva shoved down her useless self-loathing and sent resolve back to Killua, so he would know that she understood what she had to do. His solemn nod and a stronger pulse of reassurance confirmed that he understood the nonverbal message. He really was outstanding at deciphering the Warder Bond. She had never wanted a Warder, yet had somehow wound up with the best she could ever have imagined. It was going to hurt when it was time to remove the Bond between them. Strange, that she could have grown to rely upon him so much in so short a time.

After they entered the washroom together, Alluka set about helping Naeva to free herself of her many layers of silk and velvet. That was always an arduous process in this world – too many flaming buttons that she could barely reach – and so the assistance was welcome. Naeva heated the water in the tub to a level just beneath what might burn. There was no point in boiling herself to alleviate the delirium that Ishamael's touch was still on her... because surely it was nothing more than delirium. His hands could not have truly left ice in her soul. Could they have?

Her breath left her in a rush as she sank into the hot water. _There. That is better._ Naeva licked her lips and began to assemble what words she could. "I truly did feel cold. He is cold. When he touches me-" Her tongue stuck to the roof of her mouth. That had not been the best beginning.

Alluka knelt beside the tub, folding her forearms on the rim and setting her chin atop them. Her eyes glistened with unshed tears. She was quiet, only listening attentively.

Naeva felt exhausted by the effort of fighting her own tears. She allowed them to pour down her cheeks as they wished, and allowed words to spill from her lips much the same. "The dreams, they are getting worse. Every single time, they are worse. And I have been handling it all wrong. I cannot keep fighting him the way that I want to. I always thought myself strong, but I feel weak all of the time, now. I really am a coward."

Alluka gulped, then reached out to stroke a hand over her hair. The gesture was comforting.

"Of course, he will not leave it at dreams," she said, and shivered. Was the water still hot? It could not possibly have chilled that quickly. She had to resist the impulse to heat it further. "I am so, so afraid. He-" Naeva hung her head as her wretched tears became a torrent. She was sobbing.

"Please remember that you aren't alone, Naeva-chan," Alluka said gently. She had begun to cry, too, although she somehow managed to sound encouraging at the same time. "We'll find a way to fix this together."

Light, even her nose was running. Naeva splashed her face with water. Each breath she drew hitched in her throat.

There was still calm in Bond, but now there was something else joining it. She found the sensation unfamiliar. Maybe it was a kind of compassion. She should have had the grace to try muffling her misery so that Killua would not be aware of it. Belatedly, Naeva did muffle all of that torment within her. Above it, she focused on how grateful she was for him. While she had always held Killua in high regard, he was now proving his courage to be leagues beyond what she may have estimated. Nobody should be forced to tolerate the mess that was her mind at present – nobody, let alone one of her dearest friends – yet he was tolerating it all and he was doing so without complaint.

Naeva absorbed the solace Killua sent, and it helped her to reorient her focus. She thought she should look at Alluka, yet meeting her best friend's gaze was simply too much. Instead, she planted her eyes on the wall without really seeing anything. "I am afraid that he is going to rape me."

Alluka was silent there. Had she not been, had there been even the tiniest noise of sympathy, Naeva would have felt unwilling to speak any more.

"I could not stomach saying that to anyone else," she admitted. "It frightens me so much more than I ever knew I could be frightened. He stares into my eyes and I lose all sense, as if even my thoughts are his to control. I cannot save myself. You and Killua and Gon, Logain and even Gabrelle... everyone is trying so hard to save me and I cannot do anything to save myself."

"That's not true." Alluka spoke faintly, then again with more certainty. "You're the _only_ one who can save yourself."

A laugh left her – involuntary, and so bitter that she loathed the sound of it. Naeva sniffled, worked for as much flimsy poise as she could find, then looked to Alluka. "What do you mean?"

Alluka seemed to consider her answer awhile, her tears never slowing or abating. "This is... it's already horrible, all of it, and still it might be worse before it's over. I hate saying that. I hate it so much." She squeezed her eyes tightly shut and when she opened them again, her earnestness was plain to see. "But the only way Ishamael can win is if you give up. Nobody can force you to give up, not even him, no matter h-how-" Her voice cracked, but she forged ahead. "-how horrible the things he might do to you are. The only way _we_ win is if you stay strong. You _are_ strong, Naeva-chan. I won't believe for even one second that you'd ever give up against him, and you'd better not believe it either."

The kind words only rejuvenated her own tears. Naeva cried harder, and she cried for a long time. Alluka leaned over the tub to hold her – uncaring that she was getting wet in the process. Naeva cried until the water was unmistakably cold, until at last she was secure enough to lean against Alluka's support and rise to her feet. Yet even while she dressed, she had to dry her face multiple times before she ran out of tears.

"Thank you, Alluka-chan," Naeva whispered. She put her arms around Alluka and held tight, burying her face against her shoulder. "I love you."

"I love you, too." Alluka spoke beside her ear, then pressed a kiss onto her cheek.

They ventured out again together, and Naeva hardily avoided looking toward the door at the end of the corridor. She felt steady enough, at the moment, and she would like to keep it that way. A sense of movement through the Warder Bond preceded Killua and Gon stepping out from their own room. The latter wore a hopeful smile.

Killua carried a silver goblet with him and extended it to her promptly. He did not say anything, but he did not need to. The goblet was filled with water, because she was terribly dehydrated, and Naeva accepted it from him. She drank more than half the contents all at once, in a succession of greedy gulps.

"I needed that," Naeva murmured, looking down and not at Killua.

"You should finish it," he said quietly.

Naeva nodded, and obliged him by draining the last of the water. _One day at a time. I ought try to... be better. I must do better today than I have been._ "My thoughts are clearer now," she said, and wanted to cringe at the crackling rasp of her voice. "We can go on to-"

Somewhere not very far below them, a man bellowed with rage.

Alluka jumped.

Gon looked toward the stairwell.

Killua was instantly at a heightened state of vigilance. He could do that so easily, as if he were flipping a switch.

Naeva jumped, looked toward the stairwell, dropped the goblet to clatter noisily across the floor, and found herself clinging onto Killua's arm. She was a mess of fear, and then she remembered that she could not allow that. Something was wrong. Something was wrong, and her friends might be in danger. She had to protect them. She had to protect herself.

A cacophony of shouts rose to drown out the first. Hardly a second later, all sound from below became an eerie silence. _A ward?_ _Someone must not want me to hear what is happening._ Naeva drew Power from the Source and started forward.

Gon sprinted ahead of her, but he did not make it very far. At the top of the stairwell he encountered an invisible barrier and bounced off. He landed hard on his backside and swiped a sleeve across the trickle of blood that fell from his nose at the impact. "Naeva?" He blinked at her in confusion. "Did you do that?"

She hurried to him, putting out a hand and running her fingers along the solid wall of Air barring the stairwell. "This was made with Saidin – by a man," Naeva explained distractedly, already kneeling to put her hands on either side of Gon's head. As she channeled a Healing flow through him, he shuddered.

Killua crouched down at her side. "Could this be someone trying to trap us in? A Darkfriend, or-"

"It's Logain!" Alluka's declaration cut Killua off mid-sentence.

Naeva swiveled to follow her best friend's gaze.

Below on the stairwell, Logain had come into view. Rather, they could see his back. He had his sword unsheathed and was pointing the gleaming length of steel at something further down, around the bend. Then he moved – Courtier Taps The Fan – to parry the sudden thrust of a blade tipped quarterstaff. _Mat?_ Naeva surged to her feet and threw her palms flat against the barrier. _Uncle Mat! Why in the Light are they fighting one another?_

The M'Hael's sword whirled and swung, but he was forced to retreat two steps.

Her uncle finally came into view. He spun his _ashandarei_ expertly both to press forward against Logain and to stave off two more swords that were flashing at him from below. There was no doubt that his skill would prevail, even had been more than three Asha'man fighting against him. No force in the world had yet managed to keep Matrim Cauthon from getting to anywhere he wanted to be.

 _What is going on?_ Naeva lashed out at the invisible wall with Saidar. She threw a lashing of Spirit laced with Fire against it, but blindly. Without being able to see the threads of Saidin, she could not know where to strike.

Mat's attention flickered to her for the barest instant. He was yelling something, and by the shaking of the M'Hael's shoulders he was shouting right back. That was when she took notice of the shock of bright blood painting her uncle's face and clothes.

Naeva reinforced her weave and sliced at the wall of Air with renewed desperation. She got lucky and hit where she needed to; the ward was severed. Noise returned – the ring of clashing steel and the shouts of the Asha'man who were attempting to box Mat in.

Logain may have felt his weave dissolve, for his footwork stumbled. It was only the tiniest misstep, but it was more than enough. Mat rapped the weighted butt of his _ashandarei_ against the side of the M'Hael's ankle. Even as Logain was dropping to one knee and raising his sword, Mat leaped forward. That sinuously curved spear point knocked the blade from Logain's hand. Naeva met Mat's gaze as he began sprinting up the stairs to her.

One instant she was within reach of her uncle, reaching out to him, and the next a pair of arms wrapped around her waist and she was hauled bodily away. At the opposite end of the corridor Naeva was set back on her feet, disoriented. Killua released his hold and stepped neatly in front of her. Gon had grabbed up Alluka in that flurry and was holding her beside them.

Mat goggled at their sudden movement. He managed to whip his _ashandarei_ around to spin it like a warning behind himself just as Logain – limping very slightly – and the two other Asha'man ran up into the corridor.

Killua took one dangerously graceful pace forward. "What exactly is going on?" The question sounded more of a demand. His hands were held behind his back in a casual gesture that was somehow more intimidating coupled with the obvious threat in his voice. Through the Bond Naeva could feel strong caution while Killua split his attention between her uncle and the M'Hael.

Logain spoke first. "There is no call for alarm."

"What do you mean there isn't?!" Mat roared and turned on his heel. " _You_ -"

"I am thinking of everything, Matrim!" Logain's voice was amplified with the Power to crash imposingly around the hall. " _You_ are in no state to make this decision!"

Mat's hands clenched around the black haft of his _ashandarei._

"What decision?" Naeva stepped forward and then halted as Killua put out an arm to keep her behind himself.

"It is nothing that you need to know about right this second," Logain said, his focus shifting from Mat only briefly. He lowered his voice to urge her uncle, "Think it through. Do not do this."

Mat's grip was visibly trembling now. "There's nothing to think about." He whirled back to her, expression contorted with turmoil like she had never before seen on him. " _Mindena,_ there was-" His voice broke and tears trekked down his leathery cheek. "-there was an attack."

"An attack?" Naeva had no more than felt her knees wobble when Killua's hand was took hold of her arm to help her keep her feet. "An attack where?" _Not Malkier. Please, do not say Malkier.  
_

Logain's expression was thunderous. He kicked the _ashandarei_ from Mat's slackening grip and then used his superior size to pin the other man against the stone wall. "You fool! What do you think you're making right?"

"I can't make anything right." Mat's gaze had gone faraway. He offered no resistance against Logain's strength. "But she asked me to. She brought me here... all she had left, she gave to bring me _here_..."

Killua's frustration spiked, but his voice remained steady. "Someone had better explain everything."

Logain released Mat, who collapsed to his knees. He then turned to address the Asha'man standing behind him. "Find the Tsovoran'm'hael. Tell him my order is to suspend all regular activity and put the Black Tower on high alert. First priority will be getting every last non-channeler on the grounds inside the Tower proper _._ I want all Soldiers paired up to guard the entrances and windows, everyone of Dedicated rank and above forming a perimeter around the Tower and on the parapets. Sixty of the most battle experienced Asha'man outside of that perimeter in linked patrol groups of five."

The men saluted with fist over heart before sprinting off to follow his command. Neither of them bothered to sheath their blades.

Logain turned slowly back around. Unexpectedly, he went to pull Mat up from the floor before he did anything else. "Be at ease, man."

Mat nodded, still glassy-eyed. _What happened to him? Whose blood is...?_

"Naeva-Sedai," Logain said without looking at her, "the Al'Cairi Palace was attacked in the late hours before dawn by an army of Shadowspawn and Dreadlords."

She knew that she was hearing him clearly, but his words were nonsense. It was all such nonsense.

"My son led them." Mat choked around the words. "Abrim was- he is lost, and-" His shoulders drooped as if under incredible weight. "Moiraine tried to prepare us. The guests were sent off and we thought we were prepared. I should have... but I didn't get her to an Asha'man in time. I failed her. Oh, Light burn me to ash, I failed them all."

This time, the horrible words sank in deeper. She did not want them to, but they did. Naeva leaned more heavily into Killua's grip so that she might keep her feet. "Moiraine? But you- you cannot mean that..."

At last, Logain really looked at her. An anguished frown marred his expression. "I wanted to spare you this, for the time being." He set a fierce grip on the hilt of his saber and some of that ferocity heated his voice. "There _will_ be retributive action taken."

"My br-" The Oath she was bound to froze her lips together. It took concerted effort to move onward from the stumble. "Al'Deval? What about Thom?" _And Moiraine? If she brought Mat here, where is she?_

Mat focused his haunted gaze on her. "Dead. So many dead. The Gholam did most of the damage. I had thought- I thought that the last of those monsters was dealt with long ago."

Naeva's already blurry vision became further obscured; she stared at Mat like she was seeing through a dark tunnel. "A Gholam?" _Ishamael has a Gholam. I cannot fight a Gholam._

Someone might have called her name then, but her head was humming with static. A snug embrace caught her up from behind and Alluka's dark hair flowed over her shoulders. Comfort was pushed forcibly into her awareness. Killua was too good a Warder. He would be feeling her devastated emotion. She could not have that.

With a degree of wild desperation, Naeva muted their connection, shut down that part of her brain entirely. Grief took her over. _My brother? He was the last Mandragoran. Then, Malkier will be... gone? Dead? Light, Thom and Moiraine! How can this have happened? It is not happening!_ More buzzing words droned on around her, but she may as well have gone deaf for all that they registered.

Killua's eyes came into focus directly in front of her own, radiating concern that she did not want to see. In her shattered mind, that was a distant observation. _Deval, Thom, Moiraine. Moiraine! How many others are dead? Malkier..._ _Ishamael could not care less about Malkier. He has done this for me._ _Why am I- why do I- no, it just is not happening. Light save them, please! They cannot be dead. Please, I love them, so- please, Light save them!_

The world began to quake- no, Killua was shaking her. His lips were moving and she refused to hear whatever he might have been trying to say. Naeva would not have thought there was room in her heart for more shame, but then she could never have expected to see the tears that slid down his face. _What if I lose him, next? What if I lose everyone?_ _I cannot! But I- I fail everyone in the end. I fail everyone that I care about, everyone who cares about me!_ _Moiraine should be alive! They should all be alive! Papa, I... I want Papa back... Light, I want Kurapika._ She could not bear to listen to her own thoughts.

Naeva wrenched herself free of Killua's grip and Alluka's embrace. She staggered away to lean her brow against the cool stone wall. One of her hands pressed hard against her chest, over the weight of agony she could feel in her heart.

Contact fell upon her, someone gently patting her back with another attempt at consolation. Naeva made herself turn around. It was Gon's effort this time, and his eyes were set on her with such determination that she wanted to shrink away from him like a coward. _Stop that. Stop! Please, just let me be-_

Physical pain lanced across the skin of her cheek and snapped her head to the side. She had not seen the blow coming. Her fragmented mind reacted instinctively to the sensation, pulling itself back together. The sting of pain was a sharp reminder that the world was continuing to move on without her while she wanted nothing more than to wallow in self-pity.

When Naeva looked forward again, Gon and Killua were struggling against each other, matching furious glares. Killua's left hand was bunched around the fabric of his best friend's shirt and just as tensely Gon was trying to wrest it loose. His right fist was raised, caught by Gon's left hand mere inches away from making impact with his ear. The two of them were caught nearly immobile by the conflict, but then Killua started to eke the advantage.

Naeva filled herself with Saidar – she was not even sure when she had let it slip away – and wrapped them each around the waist with a tendril of Air. "Relax, both of you." _I sound so hoarse._ "Stop it right now or I will stop you forcibly."

They turned as one, giving up the futile fight simultaneously so they could stare at her. Through the Bond – that slap had effectively broken her concentration on muting it – she sensed a current of shock and relief from Killua.

Incredibly, Gon smiled at her. "I'm glad that worked. Sorry if I hit you too hard." He became the focus of Killua's glare again and shrugged, looking both awkward and righteous. "Well _you_ weren't gonna do it, Killua, and somebody needed to."

A pungent dread oozed into her mind along the edge of her recovering senses. It was a warning. The sick familiarity of the sensation awakened an emotion Naeva was pleased to discover she was still capable of – rage.

"Shadowspawn!" She and Logain cried out at the same instant.

* * *

"Dead. So many dead. The Gholam did most of the damage. I had thought- I thought that the last of those monsters was dealt with long ago." Mat answered Naeva's question in a low, dull voice. He looked only half-alive, himself – a husk of the man he'd been when Killua last saw him.

 _What the hell is a Gholam? How could one creature do so much damage_ _? Moiraine is an Aes Sedai! The Al'Cairi Palace was well defended! This was... it was only done to hurt Naeva. Logain was right, she shouldn't have to know._ Killua's scrambling thoughts were pushed to sudden insignificance – buried beneath an onslaught of Naeva's grief. His hand on her arm was the only thing keeping her on her feet. He could feel just how close she was to crumbling entirely.

"A Gholam?" Naeva asked, and the light in her eyes went out.

"Naeva-chan!" Alluka rushed forward and wrapped her arms around her best friend from behind. "Oh, I just- I'm so sorry."

Mat did nothing but slump against the wall, hands tightening to a white-knuckled grip on his quarterstaff as it was returned to him by Logain. The M'Hael's hard, unforgiving expression probably didn't even register.

Logain transferred a softer gaze to Naeva, but she didn't so much as blink up at him. "It is going to be alright, somehow. By the Light, Naeva, I swear to you that we will make it through this." She didn't respond.

Killua studied her in alarm. He focused on the Bond and pushed comfort through. Visibly Naeva gave no reaction to that, but in his head he felt her block the link between their emotions like a slamming door. For a second, that stunned him absolutely senseless. _Don't... she can't do that! She can't just- I'm supposed to keep her steady._ He stepped in front of her unseeing gaze and set his hands lightly atop her shoulders.

"Don't shut me out," he pleaded. The words were weak. Mustering more strength, Killua tried again, "We're all here for you."

Naeva only really looked at him for a tiny instant and then went even more numb than she'd been before. She might as well have struck him with her Power for how badly that hurt. _I'm worthless. I don't know what to say! When my friends need me I can_ _never get through to them!_

With care not to tighten his grip, Killua shook her and she turned her distant eyes toward him again. "Snap out of it, Naeva! We can deal with this together." That was when he realized he'd started to cry. He dismissed that, uncaring. _She's survived everything else_ _! I'm not going to lose her to this!_ When she started to struggle against his hold, he let his hands go slack and she jerked free. Alluka, too, took a quick step backward. His sister sniffled, teardrops dripping from her face to hit the dusty floor. The sight of that had him wiping at his own wet cheeks.

Naeva half-stumbled away only to lean her head against the wall. After several seconds, Gon approached to pat a hand on her back. She turned around to face him.

Killua dropped his eyes to the floor in utter misery. _Of course. Gon will know how to help. Why did I think I could be her Warder? If I-_

Several things happened at once. A loud crack split the air and Alluka gasped, coinciding perfectly with a bright spot of pain – not his, but Naeva's. Killua's thoughts blanked and he whipped his head back up. Gon's hand was still raised from delivering the open palmed slap across Naeva's cheek. Later, when he had time to reflect upon his reaction, he'd realize just how stupidly he'd been acting. In that precise moment, however, the surge of anger that took control of him was undeniable.

Killua moved without wasting any time on conscious thought. He grabbed Gon by the collar and balled his other hand into a fist, swinging vengefully. His best friend caught the strike just before it would've knocked him upside the head. They strained against each other with every ounce of force they had short of using Nen, and each fraction of a centimeter he gained was pushed back. Blinding fury darkened his eyes and Killua pushed even harder against the stalemate, but Gon was meeting his smoldering intent with steadfast determination. And then... Killua realized that he had more strength to draw from. The Warder Bond had given it to him. He felt Gon's resistance grow just a little weaker.

Pressure from an invisible source wrapped around his middle.

"Relax, both of you. Stop it right now or I will stop you forcibly." Naeva's voice – raspy though it was – sliced through the haze of irrationality that had held him spellbound.

Killua turned to stare at her, surprised and impossibly grateful that she'd finally said something. His tension evaporated and he distantly noticed that Gon's did, as well.

"I'm glad that worked. Sorry if I hit you too hard." Gon smiled, looking nothing if not guiltless. Killua aimed a swift glare at him and he only shrugged. "Well _you_ weren't gonna do it, Killua, and somebody needed to."

 _Of course I wouldn't have! There were plenty of things we could've tried short of hitting her!_ He opened his mouth to say as much, but never got the chance.

"Shadowspawn!" The warning came from both Naeva and Logain. That single word echoed ominously throughout the stone corridor.

Killua stiffened as Naeva suddenly bolted toward the nearest window. A spark of fright from her flared into unquenchable wrath. Logain followed right behind her. Even Mat had risen to his feet and looked murderously ready for anything. Killua had been so focused on Naeva and the impact of the news her uncle had brought that he hadn't recognized the creeping awareness in his brain of something foul drawing near. He hurried to look out himself.

The distant ground was darkening with a mass of onrushing black shapes. Asha'man poured out from the Tower – those who had not already been on guard – to throw organized attacks forward at the army. Lightning and fire rained on the monsters from above even as the earth below was erupting to rip them limb from limb. Beastly heads exploded and eyeless ones were torn from black cloaked shoulders. The horde of Shadowspawn ran on as if the numbers they lost were meaningless.

A darting shadow that blocked the sunlight for the barest instant pricked his instincts. Killua shoved the M'Hael aside and grabbed Naeva, then jumped backward just as a creature came crashing through the window. It was shaped almost like a man, but what he'd initially taken to be a tattered gray cloak unfurled slowly into a pair of spiny wings.

Logain pointed at the bat-like creature and it burst into flame. It fell – or was flung – back out the window. The high scream it unleashed was unlike anything Killua had ever heard before; the sound of it pierced his mind with an agony that faded only as it dropped away. Another of those winged monsters had no more than landed on the windowsill when Mat's _ashandarei_ swung to cut an efficient line through its neck. That one didn't get the chance to scream as it plummeted.

"I must go to the battle," Logain said. "Stay here and guard this level." That was to Mat, who nodded as the M'Hael sprinted off.

Naeva thrashed, alerting Killua to the fact that he was still clutching onto her. Hastily, he let her scramble to her feet. She ran to the window and arcs of red fire lanced from her into the sky above. He heard more of those terrible shrieks, but none were close enough to cause the debilitating pain he'd experienced the first time.

Gon had Alluka pressed back against the wall – a nice, safe distance from any of the windows. "What were those things?"

"Draghkar," Alluka murmured dazedly. "It was- was it a Draghkar?"

"Yes," Naeva answered without taking her attention from the sky. She was still filled with blazing rage, but her voice carried none of it. "They sing, and if you listen you cannot resist them. When they get you close they pull the soul from your body."

Trembling, Alluka shrank backward. Her eyes were wide with fright and locked on her best friend. "Naeva-chan... what are we going to do?" A boom of thunder punctuated her question.

"Destroy them," Naeva said.

Killua stepped up to stand beside her. Wind buffeted through the broken window to chill the sweat on his face.

Far below, the battle was roiling. Flashes of steel told him the Asha'man fought as urgently with their swords as they did with the Power. The number of Shadowspawn seemed insurmountable – each that fell was trampled as ten more surged forward, and they were still rushing from the surrounding forest – but that wasn't the biggest problem. There were channelers on the opposite side of the battle line, Killua now realized. _Dreadlords... like Abrim.  
_

Naeva stared upward. The wind rose furiously and the already tumultuous sky darkened as more storm clouds formed to spill rain and lightning. Ishamael's army was being massacred, but it seemed that the Black Tower forces were not faring much better. In all of the conflict, the Asha'man were being gradually pushed back. The line of defense had not broken anywhere yet, but how long could they last? Watching from high safety, Killua felt horrible. Worse, he knew he could not and would not leave to provide them aid. _My place has to be here. If the Shadowspawn get through, we'll have to..._ He didn't even like thinking the word 'flee', but...

A chorus of howling echoed from below, from within the Tower. Killua felt a note of fear tremble through the Bond as the menacing howls grew louder, peppered with vicious growls and human screams.

Skin ashen, Naeva backed away from the window. "Killua, keep yourself and everyone-" Her words were swallowed up by the onrushing chaos.

Three black dogs nearly as large as horses rounded the corner of the stairwell and into view. Where they stepped, curls of smoke rose from the stone floor. Two of the beasts had swords already buried hilt deep in their bodies. _Darkhounds...?_

Mat threw himself at the hounds without any hesitation and his _ashandarei_ took one between the eyes. The creature collapsed, but a second was already leaping at Mat while he jerked his weapon loose. That bladed tip whirled through the creature's throat in midair and blood sprayed, but it was too late.

Naeva screamed as the jaws of that wicked beast closed with a crunch around her uncle's arm. Mat dropped, gaze lifeless well before his body hit the ground.

Killua's mind reeled and he froze in place. _We can't kill them. Nothing we can do could-_

Gon moved. He had either forgotten that prior explanation or else was too wrathful to give it any heed. Snarling, he hit one of the creatures with a punch that ran it through with a shower of blood. It fell and twitched, claws scraping through the puddle that remained of its insides like it needed still to drag itself toward them. The other two Darkhounds – on their feet again, when did that happen? – were thrown by an invisible force and hit the far wall so hard that he heard bones snap.

Then Gon screamed. He screamed like he was dying.

Killua watched his best friend be dragged back by the collar of his coat, undoubtedly by Naeva. His sleeve was dark with blood. Gon clutched at that arm like he wanted to rip it off. Killua felt powerless to help, and he could not look away. _Heal him. Heal him! Naeva!_

The Darkhound Gon had skewered was now rising up, right along with the other two of its pack as if none of them had taken any injury at all. Where there were wounds, the flesh of the beasts bubbled like a viscous liquid to seal them up.

Naeva took one step forward to meet their advance. She thrust her palm out and a bar of _something_ shot from her hand. It resembled molten metal, or liquid light, and burned so white hot that Killua felt the line of it searing into his vision. But when that bar met the Darkhounds, they stopped. The colors of them inverted. Then, in the order they had been struck, the Darkhounds fractured into a shower of disintegrating sparks. The bar of light tore through the far wall and out into the open air before disappearing.

The reality left behind after Naeva's attack was at first too impossible to comprehend. Little remained of the wall at the end of the corridor. Tiny pieces of the ceiling rained down as dust. Gon had stopped screaming. He stood beside Alluka against the wall again, and aside from the dumbstruck look on his face, it seemed that nothing at all had happened to him. The sleeve of his coat was clean. Mat, too, was standing on his own feet and holding his _ashandarei_ at the ready.

Killua was too severely rattled to keep the horror he felt from his expression. Underneath that stricken numbness was a churning undercurrent of relief – both his, and Naeva's.

Naeva ran a frantic look over each of them in turn, then sagged against the wall. "Thank the Light," she whispered.

"You used Balefire." Alluka's voice was a shaky mix of awe and terror.

_Balefire. She destroyed the Darkhounds backward in time... Mat is alive because they never came at us at all._

Naeva was already dragging her feet back toward the window. Killua could feel the fatigue bearing down on her, willfully held at bay. He offered quick support, slinging one of her arms over his shoulders and looping his own around her waist. The smile she gave wavered on her lips.

"That was my first time using Balefire," she admitted weakly. "I might have overdone it a little." Naeva held onto him, and they looked out the window again together.

The tide of battle had turned somehow in the brief time they'd been distracted by the Darkhounds. Ishamael's army was now withdrawing, hotly pursued by wild lightning and massive fireballs. The shouts from below swelled with angry triumph. Killua felt himself slowly relax, letting go of the primal sense of dread that had filled him from that first Draghkar cry.

Gon approached with Alluka all but glued to his side. He still appeared shaken, his eyes regretful as he watched the last of the Shadowspawn retreat into the distance. "Naeva, I-" His features pulled tight with self-admonition. "-I just wasn't thinking. I wasn't thinking at all."

Naeva turned to throw her arms around Gon, and she and Alluka both hugged him tight. Killua smiled at the three of them. _It was like a damn miracle. I thought you were going to die, Gon. For a second back there..._

"I am so glad that you are alright." Naeva pulled herself away, swiping the tear streaks from her face with both hands.

Mat walked over and glanced out the shattered window before leaning his _ashandarei_ against the wall. "That was all a little hazy, for me." He tugged his niece to his chest and held her. " _Mi_ _Mindena,_ I- I can't..." He let his hoarse words trail into silence.

Fresh grief shot through Naeva as she stepped back from Mat. Then she swayed, and Killua hurried to pick her up before her knees buckled.

"Are you okay?" As it left him, he knew it was a pointless question. He could feel that she was uninjured, if tired.

Naeva blinked at him several times before her eyes really focused on his. "Would you carry me downstairs? I can aid with Healing." When he opened his mouth to protest, she went on, "I am sure that the Asha'man are more wearied by the fighting than I am. They will need what help I can provide."

After a brief hesitation, Killua nodded.

"I can help, too!" Alluka clutched at her long skirt with shaky hands. "I don't know what good I can be, but I- I want to help." She added that more quietly.

Naeva let her eyelids fall shut, probably an attempt to conserve what remained of her energy. "Your help would be welcomed, Alluka-chan. There will be many injuries below and not enough strength left among us to Heal any but the most mortal."

"Moiraine's _angreal_ ," Mat said suddenly. He nodded, perhaps coming to some decision within himself. "You should have Moiraine's _angreal_." The one eyed man turned to Killua. "Go on, m'boy, and be sure that she doesn't wear herself out entirely." Without another word, he hurried away down the hall toward the stairs.

Determinedly, Gon and Alluka started off together. Killua let himself lag a little behind, his every step feeling heavy. _All of this death. The Black Tower clawed for this victory, but what about Seven Towers? How many died there? Even Moiraine... is Moiraine really...? All of this death, and Ishamael still hasn't shown himself._ Wrath raced along his taut muscles. _If I had him in front of me-_

Naeva's hand curled around the nape of his neck and she opened her eyes again to serve him a pointed look. "Stop that, Killua. Everything is going to be-" There was a quaver in her voice, but she took a deep breath and finished more steadily, "We will be alright." Reassurance was pushed to him through the Bond, and he felt himself taking the solace from her.

They spent what seemed a very long time downstairs with the wounded. Most of the Black Tower was gathered on the main level and any channelers not among the injured were using their Power to Heal. Naeva didn't bother with any disguise, and many of the Asha'man cried when they saw her. Some of them – usually those on the edge of death – called her by her mother's name, babbling gratefulness. It was all so disorienting. Killua carried her between the rows of those who had no chance of survival without Healing. Gon and Alluka worked on the other side of the grand hall with everyone else who couldn't channel, binding lesser injuries.

At some point, Mat brought Naeva a strange little bracelet and slipped it onto her wrist. It was a solid loop of ivory, carved with the disturbing image of a man stretched backward so that his hands gripped onto his own ankles. Naeva accepted it with her thanks, and Killua felt a rush of renewed energy from her as she slid it onto her wrist. So the bracelet was an _angreal_ , like the one that had once belonged to her mother; another sick inheritance from someone she loved.

Killua stood from beside a man who had taken a Trolloc battleaxe to his midsection – Healed now, and the only evidence remaining was the fluttering slash across his black coat and the puddle of blood on the floor. "That'll have to be enough," he said. "You're going to pass out if we keep going."

Although he'd been braced for her to argue, Naeva did not. "Yes, I realize." She sighed, and surveyed the room. Her gaze lingered on the row of shrouded bodies and the guilt he could already feel in her trembled to a higher level. Then she dropped her eyes to the bracelet on her wrist. "Moiraine. I... should like to see Moiraine, one last time." She focused her attention back up at him slowly, like it took great effort. "Will you help me find her?"

That wasn't an easy request to keep his composure for. He wanted to gulp. Instead, he gave the solemn answer, "I will."

Her eyes closed again for respite and Killua began scanning the crowd for Mat. He spotted the Prince of the Ravens slumped against a far, curved wall – near to where his sister and Gon bustled about with hot water, jars of balm, and rolls of white bandaging. As Killua approached, Mat's head lifted. His expression was dark and haunted, but he pushed himself right to his feet.

"Naeva wants to see Moiraine." Killua could really only whisper that.

Mat emitted a strangled sound. "Oh, blood and ashes." He thumbed a tear from beneath his eye and then held out his arms. "I'll take her, m'boy."

Killua's expression twitched to a frown. _But, I don't want to-_

"No." Naeva blinked her eyes open to fix Mat with a sweet, sad look. "If someone must carry me, I prefer it be Killua. Would you please lead the way?"

"Of course." Mat let his arms fall back to his sides. Probably nothing at this point was getting past the despair that enveloped him. He turned to ascend the staircase and Killua followed, occasionally glancing down at the girl in his arms and marveling at how calm she appeared.

On the second level of the Tower, Mat stopped to push open a narrow door. He spun away quickly like he couldn't bear to see what was within. "Here." That was all he said, and then he folded himself down to sit in a heap on the floor as he had been.

After stepping inside, Killua used his heel to nudge the door shut behind him. The room held a small wardrobe, a wooden chair, and a single bed – probably it was intended to house either a servant or one of the trainees of the Tower. Currently, the room's only occupant was devoid of life. Someone had covered Moiraine to her chin with a drab gray blanket, unfortunately emphasizing the lifeless pallor of her skin. Still, that was probably better than being immediately confronted with sight of the fatal blow that had felled her.

Killua had to force himself to walk in further. _She was a good woman. That was always obvious. In everything she did, she just-_ He shut down his rambling thoughts and focused on nothing but settling Naeva down in the bedside chair. She kept her eyes downcast until Killua put his hand to her shoulder and she looked up to meet his gaze. "Do you want me to wait outside?"

Naeva shook her head. "I would rather not be alone, if- if you do not mind staying."

"I'll stay." That was all he said, but the gratitude that poured into his mind was staggering. Killua reached out impulsively to smooth Naeva's frazzled hair back. She was sweaty and flushed from pushing herself to her limit. Blood from the Asha'man covered her hands and some of it had transferred to her face and clothes.

Naeva stared forward at the bed, and for a while she was completely still and silent. Then, gingerly, she trailed the back of one hand over Moiraine's cheek. "She should have had centuries ahead of her yet." The last vestige of her defenses broke down then and Naeva bowed her head, shaking with tears. Her hands curled tight around fistfuls of the threadbare blanket.

Killua felt completely at a loss. _Nothing I say could ever make this hurt any less._ His own hands were quivering at his sides. That corner of his mind that held their Bond was a storm of grief and guilt. He wanted to hold her, but that felt a pitiful response. This wasn't like the aftermath of the testing. The loss and pain Naeva had been put through during that process had faded with the knowledge that it wasn't real. Neither was it anything like offering comfort to her when she'd been trying to come to terms with what had happened in Yverris. At least then he'd known the right words to say – it was the kind of suffering he could share his own experience with. But, today...

Today, Ishamael might finally have taken from her more than she could bear to lose. If there was a way to ease the agony of that, Killua didn't know it. And so he watched Naeva cry.

Naeva, who'd endured torturous captivity and watched her parents die, who'd been pulled away from everything she knew and adapted to the foreign world she found herself in, who was facing depravity in her dreams every night and made herself smile throughout the day.

Naeva, who was only more sweet than she was petulant, who took every opportunity to try and outwit him, who laughed when he teased her.

Naeva, who he'd just begun to realize how deeply he cared for.

"I w-want them all _back!_ "

The desperation in that scream tore at him. Naeva babbled Old Tongue words in between sobs. Only as her meager energy waned away did she begin to quieten.

Killua felt carefully through the Bond. That irrepressible depth of grief in her hadn't lessened, but there was a new sense of bleakness. She was resigning herself to the emotion.

He couldn't just keep standing by anymore. Choosing not to doubt himself, Killua dropped to his knees beside the chair and pulled her into his arms. He didn't say anything, but he held her close and stroked his hand over her hair and hoped it might be enough. _This is all I've got. For whatever it's worth, she did want me here._

Naeva's arms twined around him. Her voice was a quivering rasp. "I h-have to keep myself together. I know that."

Killua breathed in deep and closed his own eyes. She smelled like blood and sweat and fear, but beneath all of that she smelled like _her._ The combination was a harsh reminder of how far he'd let events spiral into disaster since Kurapika had left. _Kurapika would know what to say to her._ "Nobody expects you to be okay after all of this, not right away. Just take your time."

Naeva shook her head against him. "Now more than ever I cannot fall apart." Horror rose to overwhelm all other emotions. "You and Gon and Alluka, Ishamael will be targeting-" That tremble in her grew more violent. "-he is going to target you next."

Killua pulled back to meet her eyes. "We can take care of ourselves. We can take care of each other." He wanted to sound as reassuring as possible. He wanted to be certain of his own words, but he just wasn't. _There's no solution to this. Why can't there be some perfect, magic solution?_

Yet more tears slid down Naeva's cheeks. "Gon almost died today. He almost _died_. What happens tomorrow?"

"You _saved_ him," Killua reminded her. "We're alive because you knew what to do. Tomorrow..." _Tomorrow what? We have no way to find him and end this. We can't run, and there's nowhere we could hide. Every night Ishamael can do whatever he wants to her. Every day he can throw his armies somewhere new to punish her for resisting him. He's going to keep hurting her, and I can't stop any of it._

"I knew what to do only because of Moiraine." Something sparked in Naeva's eyes and in their connection – just the tiniest flicker of hope. "She taught me Balefire, and she taught me- she taught me responsibility, and..."

As her voice faded, as that spark of hope wavered, Killua had the unexpected and uninvited urge to kiss her. It was wrong. As if kissing the princess might somehow break the spell that this nightmarish fantasy world had cast over them. All of this was wrong.

Killua leaned forward to press a kiss onto her brow. "It will be okay in the end," he said. "Just don't give up."

Remarkably, Naeva stopped shaking. She exhaled a long breath, then pulled herself up to sit on her own. Silence drifted over the room as she turned her watery eyes to Moiraine once again. The minutes stretched out, but he felt her gradually relaxing.

"I can do what I need to do," Naeva said at last. Her voice softened then, to a gentle musing. "Would you believe, Killua, that I never told her I loved her? Not even once." A tiny smile rose to her lips, the expression obviously heartbroken. "But I loved her so very much. I will never have the chance to tell her that." She hung her head to stare down at the dark, drying blood on her hands.

"I'm sure she knew," Killua told her hoarsely. "She was way too smart to not have known." _She was smart and good and she loved you too, Naeva._

"I hope so." Naeva lifted her head to look at him. Her grief and exhaustion were bearing down on her, but that meager amount of hope became something brighter. She put her arms over his shoulders, leaned into him, and shut her eyes. "I am very tired."

"No!" Killua stood and tugged her up with him, patting his hand over her cheek until she opened her eyes blearily. "Stay awake just a while longer. We'll find Logain, and he can remove your fatigue." _She can't go to sleep. Not now, not after all that!_

"Logain is tired, too." Naeva smiled more sincerely, sending a current of comfort through their connection. Then she let her eyelids fall again. "Do not worry," she murmured. "This will be the last dream."

With that, Killua felt in his mind as unconsciousness claimed her. A chill coursed through him. _What does that mean?_


	28. The Right Choice

Naeva sat down onto green grass and leaned her back against the slender trunk of an apple tree. A pleasant, sweet-smelling breeze stirred the warmth of the summer air while the orange and purple light of sunset burned on the horizon. She was content to sit and watch as the sun sank lower into the distant, snow-capped mountains.

A massive lake sparkled below the rising slope upon which the apple orchard grew. She knew the lake, and the apple orchard, quite well. This was one of her most cherished places in Malkier. In her childhood, she had come here on occasion with her mother to pick the sweet fruit and sometimes to eat a picnic lunch together. It was the beauty of her memories of those days that gave her the certainty she was dreaming. _I miss you, Mama. I miss you with all of my heart. I wish that I could have grown to be even half as strong as you were._

Naeva watched a flock of geese dive from the air and come to a fluttering landing atop the lake. All things considered, she felt happy enough to have been provided this peaceful sight. It gave her some time to prepare herself for what needed to be done.

"Elan, will you come out now?" Naeva called for him, feeling rather than hearing her voice echo around her.

The Forsaken was there in an instant. He sat directly beside her, stretching out his long legs. "You learn so quickly, my Lady. Each time we share a dream you become more aware."

Naeva forced herself to really look at him. His fine satin coat was red pinstriped with black, its puffy sleeves trimmed in corded gold. He was smiling at her with a distinct hauteur that he had not displayed since their first meeting. _Good. After what he did today, I want him to think he has won._ "I cannot lose anyone else. If that takes my giving myself up, then so be it."

Ishamael merely shrugged. "It has always been up to you, my Lady. I knew that you would find your own way to the correct decision eventually."

Naeva paused, then nodded her head. "I wish I had done so sooner." She allowed the tears that swirled her vision to slip down her cheeks.

"Here, now. Do not weep." Ishamael's arm went around her and he pulled her against his side. His voice was a revolting mix of triumph and tenderness. "Nothing in this world is deserving of your tears."

"Will you please allow me a small amount of time? After I wake, I mean," Naeva asked, trying for a high degree of meekness.

Ishamael's expression became a mask of rage for just a second, but then he gave a gracious nod. "A small amount of time... I suppose so. Say your farewells, if you must. Remove the Bond _._ Then you will come to me."

Naeva averted her face to look out over the lake again. She was afraid of showing him too much with her eyes. That fear was at least real enough that he might take it as confirmation of her defeat – as long as he did not look too closely. "Yes, I will."

Ishamael hugged her and hummed lowly in his throat. "I will send an escort for you to the cabin in Manetheren." He chuckled. "Rather, the Two Rivers. The same cabin that incompetent Friend of the Dark brought you to."

She let out the breath she had been holding and hoped it sounded like a sigh of resignation. "I remember it well enough to make a Gateway."

Ishamael put his hands on her face and her muscles stopped responding to her own will. He turned her head like she was a doll to look down into her eyes. "You realize now that I could have sent my Gholam for you at any time."

Naeva felt control over her body return. She tensed, involuntarily, and had to remind herself to loosen up. Never before had she worked as hard to look humbled as she did with him staring so intently at her. "I do, yes."

"If any part of you dares to believe you might betray me, I assure you that I _will_ send my Gholam," Ishamael said. He searched her gaze for an unbearably long while, and ultimately smiled. "You will be happy, being mine again. I think I should like to hear you say that, my Lady."

For all her best efforts, Naeva could feel her attempted smile wavering on her lips. "I will be happy."

The surroundings blurred as Ishamael's black eyes widened to become the focal point of her vision. "And you are _mine!_ Say it!"

 _Light help me to be convincing._ Naeva brightened her expression, though she would much rather have given in to the urge to vomit on him. "I am yours, Elan."

Ishamael relaxed. "You will be by my side until the last. We can break the Wheel that has been so cruel to us, and we can do it together." With eagerness, he bent his face to hers and kissed her. When he sat back, his eyes were sparkling happily. "I believe I should expect a kiss back, at this point."

His lips crashed onto hers again and the thought of returning that kiss made her want to shrivel up and die right there. With every degree of stubborn will she could summon, Naeva moved her own lips against his. Perhaps he took her shaking as excitement, for he laughed with great delight as he straightened. _Laugh now, Ishamael. You will not be laughing when I am done._

Through his hands on her face, Naeva felt a tingling rush of rejuvenation. _He is restoring strength to me! How?_ She shoved her shock to the back of her mind. The why and the how did not matter. She would use this energy against him.

"I shall wait patiently for one hour," he told her. "One hour is as much as I can promise you." For an instant, his fathomless black eyes flickered again with flames. He brushed a final kiss across her lips, a light one, and then breathed against her. "I love you. You may wake, now."

Naeva blinked.

She was staring up at the familiar ceiling of the room Logain had given her.

* * *

Killua paced at Naeva's bedside. He couldn't shake her words from his mind. _The last dream... What if she doesn't wake up? She's going to wake up, right?_

He, Alluka, and Gon had shared a meal with Mat, Gabrelle, and Logain in the M'Hael's quarters while they waited. Killua couldn't even remember what the meal had been. He certainly hadn't tasted any of it. Everyone else had remained downstairs – drinking herbal tea and recuperating from the day's trauma as best they could – while he left to placate his anxiety by checking on Naeva. They'd all been positive that she would sleep for hours more. Given her level of exhaustion, she should have. Yet it'd only been three measly hours since she passed out now, and her eyes shot wide open.

"Naeva?" Killua leaned forward across the bed, scrutinizing her both visibly and through the Bond for new injuries. Miraculously, he found none. She didn't even have any fatigue left.

Naeva covered her face with her hands and was silent. Through their connection, he could sense her feeling grim and ashamed _._

"Hey, it's okay." _Is it?_ Killua kept his voice at a whisper.

Naeva's muffled voice said something in Old Tongue before she sat up and lowered her hands. The shame he could sense from her was stifled, swallowed within a burgeoning resolve. When he offered a tenuous smile, that resolve surged to overtake all else. Naeva returned his smile and there was a stunning amount of confidence in the expression. "Where is everyone?" she asked.

Killua turned to the door. "I'll go get them, just wait a sec." He took one step was stopped in his tracks when Naeva reached out to take hold of his hand.

"No, it is better that they are not here." Naeva shuffled to the edge of the bed, dangling her legs over and crossing her ankles. "I have a plan that will fix everything all at once, and you are the one I want to discuss it with."

His eyes widened in surprise, then just as quickly narrowed with suspicion. "What kind of plan do you have in mind?" _I swear, if you say anything about giving yourself over to him I'll knock you right back to unconsciousness and- no. No, I couldn't do that. I'll get Logain and he'll-_

Naeva laughed, the sound of it so lighthearted that he felt his suspicions dissolve. "You need not be alarmed. I have no intention of giving Ishamael what he wants. In fact, my plan should deal him what I hope will be a severe blow."

Killua searched through the Bond and could sense nothing from her but conviction. "Somehow I still doubt that I'm going to like what you have to say."

A small amount of sadness crept over her. Naeva nodded once. "You probably will hate it... but I can assure you that this is not a desperate plan, it is the _best_ possible plan." Her hand squeezed around his and he felt warmer, for that. "So you must not have a brash reaction, Killua. I have great faith in your rationality, and I would not want to be disappointed." Her tone was playful, teasing. How she could sound like that at a time like this was beyond him.

"Spit it out, will you?" Killua grumbled. He sat down beside her on the edge of the bed and she adjusted her grip to lace her fingers with his own.

Naeva lifted her free hand to flourish the ivory bracelet around her wrist. "It is a plan that came together in bits and pieces. At first with the news of Ishamael's attack on Seven Towers, and then with defeating the Darkhounds. Finally, when I was gifted this _angreal,_ and when I saw Moiraine..." On that last, her grief was audible. After drawing in a long breath, she went on more firmly, "I believe that I can undo the damage this world has suffered. Moiraine, Thom, and Al'Deval will live again. All of the life lost in these past days can be restored." She laughed again, with the kind of genuine brightness that he hadn't heard from her in a while. "It shall be simple, even _astoundingly_ simple."

Killua's thoughts raced, trying to fit her delicate wording together so that he could see the bigger picture. "Balefire." The realization hit him with a suddenness. "You want to use Balefire on Ishamael?" _That would undo everything_ and _kill him. Can we do it?_

Naeva's smile faded on her lips. She averted her eyes to stare out the window at the red light of sunset. "That was the first possibility I considered, but it is too likely to fail. While killing him might be easy for you, it would not be easy for any channeler. He is too powerful and I am, as Logain pointed out, too inexperienced. I do not even know how to fight a male channeler, let alone one of his caliber. Even were we to rely upon someone else, the risk of disaster is great." Naeva looked back at him and firmed her voice. "There is a more certain solution. One that will also bring you home without the need of waiting additional weeks for Nanika to wake."

 _How? Wait, but-_ Killua felt himself grow very still as the pieces clicked together. "You want to Balefire _yourself_." It was not a question this time, but by the incredulity in his tone it may as well have been.

"This _angreal_ is extremely powerful," Naeva said complacently, as if he'd only been asking for elaboration. "I believe I can give the weave strength enough to undo a substantial amount of time. All that has happened as a consequence of my return can still be undone." Her tone remained unerringly pleasant, and that made her words even more intolerable.

Killua jumped to his feet, but she didn't release his hand. "Absolutely not!" He worked hard to keep his voice low. She didn't need him shouting at her, but he wasn't about to let her think he'd even entertain such an awful plan. "You're talking about killing yourself. That isn't an acceptable solution."

Infuriatingly, Naeva smiled again. "Please, you must try to think about this objectively. For the price of one little life, willingly offered, I can bring back all of the innocents who were lost." She shook her head briskly. "I would not want to live with myself if I turned my back on this choice. To do so would be selfish, yes?"

"Objectively?" Killua repeated the single word in utter disbelief. "I'm not going to be anything like objective about this!" His volume had risen, the words choked out. _Damn it!_ _I have to appeal to her. She can't do this!_ Forcibly, Killua restrained the roughness of his voice and tried to sound logical instead. "Does it occur to you how much this would hurt everyone? You can't possibly think we'll all just accept it. What about Senritsu and Kurapika? They don't even know anything's gone wrong! It's my responsibility to..." The words he'd most wanted to say had died in his throat, too difficult to produce. _Naeva, it's my responsibility to protect you. I've screwed that up already, but if I can't get through to you now..._ His own inadequacies were a clamor of self-doubt in his mind, drowning out what little sense he was trying so urgently to drag together.

"You will all be okay." Naeva's voice thinned, laced with regret, and for just a heartbeat he dared to think that he might be successful in changing her mind. Then she steeled her poise and that tiny moment of indecision slipped away. "Our meeting in the first place was so unlikely that it may as well have been impossible. These past years were an unpredictable gift in my life. It was not destined to last forever, and you will all be fine without me." She nodded, as if her stating it was enough to make it obvious fact.

"No." Killua held tighter to Naeva's hand, feeling like he was clinging to the solid reality of her. "You can't do that _._ You'd break Alluka's heart. Do you think she'd ever get over it?" _Would I?_

"She will." Naeva's eyebrows wilted. She felt abruptly sorrowful and yet still as stubborn as ever. "It may take time, but even if you can never forgive me, you will all move on." She sighed. "All of you are at great peril here. You have been at peril ever since we arrived, but I can make you safe in what should seem the blink of an eye. There are a plethora of reasons to go through with this, and I am sure you can see that as plainly as I do."

Killua stared at her, horrified and not bothering to stifle it. _She can't be asking me to agree with her. She can't ask that!_ Sudden fear made him cold. "Just... slow down, okay? There has to be a better way. If we all work together, some of us can distract Ishamael while-"

Naeva finally let go of his hand, but it was only so that she could stand and put her arms around his shoulders. She rose up on tiptoe, pressing for closeness. "Please, you must know that I never in my life expected to be as happy as I was with all of you." _Don't say that. Don't talk like it's all in the past!_ She leaned back just slightly, to gaze up at him. When her balance was questionable, he put an arm around her waist to brace her. Her lips curved upward so sweetly that a more fevered rhythm started up in his chest. "This is my sacrifice, and I know that it is worth it." A strong wave of deep emotion that he chose not to analyze pulsed into his mind and echoed with his own, equally confusing jumble of emotions. "You shall not suffer any consequences. The Balefire will make it so that the Bond between us was never there at all." That last was only the barest whisper, mellow and soothing.

Killua tightened his hold on her and glared, hoping he looked adamant and not half as terrified as he felt. "You can't do it! I don't care if it's the right decision!" She was so slight in his arms. He couldn't help but envision her again as the tiny, battered child she'd been when they first met.

Naeva appeared only bolstered by his refusal. "If you can acknowledge that it is the right decision, then I know you will afford me the respect of allowing me to make it. You are strong, Killua. Strong enough that you can explain my decision to Gon and Alluka. Senritsu, and Kurapika... please, simply tell them that I was happy to make this choice. I am sorry to leave that duty to you."

 _Stop talking like I'm going to let you do this!_ Killua shook his head. "No. Listen to me, you need to calm down." _But she is calm._ "I don't want to let you go." Now why had he said that? He'd meant to say something persuasive – something to make her return to her senses! _M_ _aybe she's thinking more clearly than I am._ He squashed that rebellious thought and hated that it had ever cropped up to begin with. "We'll come up with a better solution together." His words sounded dubious, despite that he'd been trying for assurance.

All of the destruction Ishamael had wreaked after first appearing in her dreams was replaying in his mind. Moiraine and Thom, clever and kind and ridiculously in love despite that they were such an unusual pair. Both of them were now dead and gone in the attack on the Al'Cairi Palace, and how many others besides? The ranks of Asha'man who had fallen before his eyes defending the Black Tower from the roiling army of Shadowspawn; those whose lives had ebbed away to mortal wounds on the hard granite floor far below.

Naeva pulled away from his hold on her and, numbly, he let her. She kept her resolute gaze locked with his and backed away until she had reached the wall. There, she lifted her right hand – adorned with that macabre bracelet – to stare at her palm. After nodding as if to herself, she aimed her palm toward her own chest and her hand hovered there, quite steady.

 _What is she- she's going to do it right now? Just like that? Stop!_ "Stop," he said too faintly. _Please stop._ Killua couldn't will his feet to move forward. He felt petrified, while some small and wayward part of him was accepting of her absolute certainty. It was entirely unfair, just like everything in this world had been. His stomach was doing chaotic flips and his heart pumped panic into his veins with every beat, but Naeva was radiating calm and the strength of that in his mind was far more powerful than his fear. _Why does she look so peaceful?_ That ever-present chip on her shoulder was gone. He wanted to keep her with them – to do anything that would prevent her from going through with this – but that small part of him refused to take that peace away from her.

Naeva pulled in a deep breath and smiled one last time. "Goodbye, Killua."

He managed a single pace forward. "Naeva, _don't_ -"

There was a flash of the same searing white light that she had unleashed upon the Darkhounds. As blazing as it had been the first time he'd seen it, the glow of the Balefire this time forced him to squint and throw up a hand to shade his eyes. It all happened within one second. For just a fraction that fractured second, Killua thought he saw a man standing beside her – a tall man, with black hair and striking blue eyes. Naeva appeared a still image, all colors inverted, and then she was nothing more than falling sparks of light.

Killua blinked.

He was standing in his suite at the Hotel Eckhert.

_No, that was- it was too quick! No!_

He closed his eyes and opened them. Still the hotel suite. The microwave in front of him was on, humming and filling the air with the aroma of cup noodles. Killua whirled around, heart in his throat, and sagged against the counter with relief at the sight of Gon and Alluka.

The two of them were seated on the carpet across from each other. Between them, the coffee table held a brightly colored board game. The pieces and cards were scattered about for a game clearly in progress. They both stared at him in silence, as shocked as he'd ever seen anyone be. One of the game pieces tumbled from Gon's upraised hand and he jumped at the noise.

Killua ran for the hallway to the bedrooms and jerked open the second door. Naeva's backpack was there against the wall, a few of her things spread over the various surfaces. He felt like an idiot, but the sight encouraged him. _She can't just be gone. That's not possible! She made it here. We brought her here. What did we do next?_

"Onii-chan?" Alluka called out to him. His stomach sank at the confusion in his sister's eyes as she wandered over. "How did we make it home? Where's Naeva?" She frowned, then peered almost urgently into the bedroom. "Nanika is awake. How-"

Reflexively, Killua slammed the door shut. "I don't..." He didn't know where that sentence was going. His thoughts sped backward. _What happened after she unpacked? Yverris! Moghedien..._ Killua seized onto that like a lifeline and shoved a hand into his pocket. He almost didn't expect to find his cell phone, but there it was. Flipping it open, Killua scrolled through the history and quickly found the call he had placed to the hospital. Another encouraging sight. Choosing not to think twice about it, he pressed the button to dial them again.

Alluka now had a good deal of worry swimming in her gaze as she watched him.

The other end of the line was picked up and a receptionist's professional voice spoke into his ear. "You've reached Swaldani University Hospital. This is Cara, how may I direct your call?"

"I'm looking for a patient. I think she has to be there. A VIP patient in one of the high private rooms. Naeva Mandragoran. Or maybe she's listed under the name Kurapika." Killua cringed at his own rambling.

Gon stepped up beside Alluka and they exchanged a few hushed words. His best friend's forehead creased with worry.

There was the sound of rapid typing before the receptionist told him casually, "It looks like we had the room reserved last week, but the patient never arrived. What did you say your name was, sir? I can redirect you to-"

Killua disconnected the call and stared down at his cell phone blankly. "Naeva isn't here." He searched within his mind to confirm the reality that he didn't want to accept. The wall of denial he had built around himself came toppling down to nothingness. _The Bond is gone... Naeva's gone. I can't feel her at all anymore._ "She really isn't here." He knew he was about to start crying and willed himself to hold together. _Why did I ...? I could have done something! I should have done_ anything _to stop her!_

Alluka put a hand on his arm. "I don't understand what you're saying. What happened?" Her voice was strained, concerned.

Grief flooded him and Killua looked away from Alluka swiftly. "It was Balefire." He heard himself mumble out the explanation. "Naeva... she used Balefire on herself, and now everything that happened after she and I got on the airship to leave Yverris has been remade as if she didn't exist." He might have been relieved that at least he had managed to explain it so succinctly, were it not for the guilt that shredded his heart at the sound of his sister's pained gasp.

Alluka's knees gave out and he caught her beneath the arms, pulling her into a hug. "No. No, that isn't- she can't- she _w-wouldn't!_ " She was abruptly sobbing, her hands balled into fists that she thumped weakly against the cotton of his t-shirt. That was an odd thing to notice. It felt like it'd been ages since he'd worn his own clothes.

Gon stepped backward until his heels hit the wall. Then he slid slowly down to the floor, amber eyes dark. "Balefire? But why would she...?" He put a hand to his head and a choked, grief-stricken noise worked its way up from his throat.

"She did it to put an end to everything," Killua said. "Naeva wanted to undo the damage done by Ishamael. She wanted to send us home. She was s-so-" His voice trembled and his vision blurred to uselessness. The tears were going to pour out no matter how he tried to keep them in. "She traded her life for everyone else, and it... isn't fair." That was barely even a whisper. He didn't want to hear his own words.

A knock sounded – pounded, actually – on the main door of the suite.

Alluka pushed away from him roughly and staggered up, running for the door before she'd even gained her balance.

Only the sudden, distant remembrance of Illumi and his phone conversation spurred Killua to race in front of her. He jerked open the door and thought he held himself ready for anything. The sight of what was waiting in the hall proved him wrong.

Killua swiped the wetness from his cheeks and blinked hard a few times in an effort to understand what he was seeing.

The man who'd knocked was disturbingly familiar. He was the very same man he'd had the brief hallucination of when the Balefire had struck. Even more impossibly, this strange man was clutching a limp girl in his arms.

Killua couldn't see her face, and that mane of golden brown hair was much too long, but... _It might be- it_ has _to be- no, it can't be. Damn it, I'm so confused._ He felt a twinge of hope, but it was overwhelmed with suspicion. Killua regarded the man warily. "Who are you?"

"Onii-chan, let them in!" Alluka pushed at him until he stepped aside to admit the peculiar pair. Her eyes glittered bright as the tall man hurried inside.

Gon had the sense to close the door to the hallway and then eyed the newcomer just as warily as Killua was himself. "What the hell is going on?"

The man looked between the three of them without saying a word, and then swept his blue gaze wonderingly around the room. Upon spotting the low couch, he strode over to lay the girl down. He brushed a long lock of hair from her face.

Killua was beside them in an instant. It _was_ Naeva. "How?" He studied her more closely and then flinched away.

Bundled in a man's red coat that hung to below her knees and shrouded in hair nearly that long, this girl was only almost Naeva. It was her face – even with her eyes closed he couldn't have gotten that wrong – but there were obvious differences. For one, there was only smooth skin where there should have been a scar encircling her neck. And Naeva had always been skinny, but in a lithe way as opposed to the frail looking body on the couch. She'd looked starved like this once before, but that was when they'd first rescued her from captivity. Even more unsettling, this girl was breathing with an inhuman slowness. There was an undeniable emptiness about her.

"What is this thing?" Killua turned a glare on the man. "Why does it look like Naeva?"

The man glanced sidelong at him. "You are observant, Killua. The full tale has to wait, but I can give you a quick summation. This," he laid a hand on the girl's forehead, "is only a vessel."

"It's a doll." Killua spoke faintly, right as his thoughts made the connection. The peculiarity of this unknown man referring to him by name didn't even register beneath the weight of everything else. _The omen that Mat told us about. A grinning fox knitting a doll..._

The man reached into the belt pouch he wore to withdraw a clear crystal. "This, here, is Naeva Mandragoran." He let the gem roll across his palm and it shone, casting its own ghostly light.

Alluka knelt beside the man and stared at the small crystal. Her hand rose, reached out hesitantly toward the pulsing glow it emitted. "It's warm," she murmured.

The man dropped the gem into his sister's extended hand and she curled her fingers around it.

"What do we do?" Alluka asked right away, expression set with determination.

"I'll warn you that this is a slim chance," the man said slowly, and looked back to the doll on the couch, "but it is the best I could manage." He refocused his gaze on Alluka. "In all of the iterations, the greatest likelihood for success is if you are the one who tries, and without any interference or guidance from me. Alluka, your faith in Naeva is the purest."

Killua had dozens of questions and twitched with the effort of keeping his mouth shut. It felt like he might shatter the delicate moment by speaking. _A slim chance of what? What exactly is Alluka supposed to try? Who is this man? He could have at least given us his damn name!_

Incredibly, his sister was taking it all in stride. Alluka crept closer to the couch and unfurled her fingers to blink down at the crystal in her palm. "This is really Naeva...?" She lowered her voice to a pleading whisper. "We're all home now. We're all home together and you're going to be okay, Naeva-chan."

Killua would've felt absolutely ridiculous talking to a crystal like that, but unless his eyes were deceiving him it started to glow and flicker more insistently.

Alluka sucked in a shaky breath. She laid the gem on the doll's skin just between sharply protruding collarbones, then covered it with her palm and squeezed her eyes shut. "Please be okay. Please, let it all be okay." When Alluka lifted her hand again – after giving it a minute – the crystal had sunk. Only a fraction, but there was definitely skin stretched tight around the edges of that white light. The doll's breathing was becoming more regular and recognizably human. Where she had looked waxen before, now a lively flush began to color her face.

"What happens next?" Alluka swiveled an urgent glance to the stranger. "Did it work? Is she going to wake up?"

He sat back on his heels. "That's as much as we can do. Our odds of success are up to even. Naeva will either wake up soon, or her soul will reject the vessel."

Killua could take no more of his cryptic answers. "Who even _are_ you?"

The man merely blinked at him. "Ah, I apologize for forgetting to introduce myself. My name is-" He paused there, to laugh. "-I don't often feel safe in using it, but there's no danger here. My name is Rand Al'Thor. Please, you can simply call me Rand."

_Why does that name sound familiar? Rand Al'Thor... oh. From Thom's epic? The Dragon Reborn from The Last Battle?_

Gon glanced between Rand and the couch a few times. "Did Naeva really did use Balefire on herself?"

That snapped Killua from goggling at Rand and fully back into the present moment. He looked over the almost-Naeva doll. "She did," Killua answered. _I watched her do it. I just stood there and I let her die._

"It was the right choice." Rand spoke very quietly. His vividly blue eyes were intent on the breathing doll, but Killua had the uncomfortable certainty that those words had been meant for him. "There were so many more terrible outcomes."

The doll's hand twitched. It was such a tiny movement that he would have thought he'd imagined it if Alluka hadn't cried out with joy at the same time. His sister reached out to take that frail hand between her own.

Killua watched with baited breath for a few moments and tried not to feel frustrated when nothing else happened. He narrowed his eyes before turning them again on the mysterious man claiming to be the Dragon Reborn. "How is this even possible? Naeva died." That hurt to say. He repeated himself more insistently, and again it hurt. "She _died._ The Balefire killed her."

Rand turned to him and nodded. "That is true. Sometimes, however, death and life are not so simple as black and white." His gaze darted back to the couch.

The doll's eyelids were shifting, the eyes beneath them moving rapidly as if in a dream.

"Naeva-chan!" Alluka called her name out and squeezed on the hand she held. "Please, please, _please_ wake up!"

The doll's eyes opened slowly. Those eyes were the exactly the right shade of gray-blue, as he'd known they would be, yet his fear that there would be nothing within them turned out to be unfounded. It was Naeva who stared up from the couch in confusion. "W-wha-" Her voice was a croak and she grimaced.

Killua's heart skipped a beat. _She's alive. She's really_ _alive! What's that stupid thing she always says when she wants to curse? Blood and bloody ashes!_

"Give yourself a moment, Naeva," Rand advised her. "Your soul does not know this vessel yet, and can only tenuously control it. It will be some time before you are attached in full, and it will take long practice before you can regain your coordination."

Naeva looked around the hotel suite in bewilderment. First at Alluka – who had happy tears flowing down her cheeks – then Gon, and Killua himself, and finally at Rand. There, her eyes widened. "You? My m-mother's fr-frr..." There was a halting, uncomfortable stutter in her speech. It seemed to upset her, judging by the sullen twist of her lips.

Rand smiled. "Yes, I was your mother's friend. Your father's friend, as well." He put a light grip to her elbows and gently hauled her up to rest against the arm of the couch.

Naeva squeezed her eyes closed and open a few times like she was testing the motion. She looked down at herself and twitched one foot. "S'posed to b-be b-both." She made a small, frustrated noise. Then, eyes glinting with concentration, she managed to wiggle both feet. "H-ha."

Alluka laughed and hugged her best friend with considerably more caution – but no less warmth – than she usually did. "Oh, I'm so glad that you're okay!" She let go reluctantly, and her expression became solemn. "Do you feel okay?"

Naeva managed to smile. "I... am... okay." The words were slow and deliberate, but she looked delighted that she hadn't stuttered. Too suddenly, her smile slipped away. "H-how?"

Rand put a hand on her shoulder. "Can you recall the world of the Eelfinn?" At Naeva's nod, he went on, "I forced you and Moghedien from _tel'aran'rhiod_ and into Sindhol, where I made a bargain with the Eelfinn in your stead." He drew a deep breath. "They granted me three requests. My first was a way to claim and contain a soul that has been struck by Balefire. The next was an empty, living vessel – a duplicate of your physical form that would grow and mature as you did. Finally, there was the guarantee that they would not simply kill you. To pay the price for those requests I offered several objects of the Power to the Eelfinn. They are greedy for such things."

Not all of that made sense to him, so Killua merely absorbed the words.

Naeva was silent for so long that he was beginning to fear that she might have forgotten how to use her voice. She looked around at everyone once more before focusing on Rand and giving her reply. "H-how... could... you h-have...?"

Rand frowned. "There was a time when I was called the Dragon Reborn. Your parents hid that truth for my protection, because to the world, Rand Al'Thor must have died at Shayol Ghul." He held his hands palms up at his sides. "This is not my original body, although the transference process was admittedly easier for me than it will be for you."

The rhythm of Naeva's breathing became shallow. She blinked up at the man skeptically, but said nothing.

"I can see threads of the Pattern, and sometimes I can alter them in small ways," Rand continued, "I am not omniscient. I cannot even channel any longer, but there are effects of what I experienced during Tarmon Gaidon that have stuck with me. So, while I didn't know everything, I saw many of the possibilities."

Naeva looked down at herself again. "D'you kn-know if..." She had to pause there, too short of breath. "Did... it w-work?"

"It worked better than you expected," Rand told her. "Anyone who had died as a result of Ishamael's fixation with you is now alive again. The Compulsion weave was never placed on Deval, and the memory of it will have Moiraine Delving him every day for the rest of his life. Beyond that, Ishamael felt your action as it happened and he chose to use Balefire on himself." His head cocked to the side, and he smiled at her. "I'm sure you don't know this, but in the Age of Legends using Balefire on oneself was assumed impossible. You proved that theory incorrect. From Ishamael's own final action, additional threads were restored to the Pattern. This death, though it may be his hundredth, is Elan Morin's last. The Dark One cannot resurrect him."

"Ishamael is dead?" Killua could not keep the shock from his voice. _It really is done. She was willing to sacrifice herself for a victory more complete than I could have imagined. Balefire... it took one tiny second to change the course of that world._ The thought was more than a little chilling. As much as he had been told of the power and the danger of Balefire – as much as he had seen the effects for himself – it was now truly striking home. _Every single thing we witnessed in that world has been undone. Hundreds of people were brought back to life all at once. Thousands, maybe – brought back from the dead as if nothing had ever happened to them in the first place. The future is set on a new track and the past was rewritten in that one tiny second._

Rand turned a sober gaze on him. "Yes, he is dead. For the first time since he proclaimed himself for the Shadow, my world will truly be free of Ishamael's influence. That is an important victory. Important enough to be worth the sacrifice."

Alluka gulped and squeezed more tightly to Naeva's hand. The both of them looked caught up in a maelstrom of troubled thought.

Gon flopped weakly down into a chair, his expression tight. "I'm not going to pretend I understand even half of what you're trying to explain." He fastened a fierce glare on Rand. "Why are we only just meeting you now? You've been preparing for Naeva to die for, what, four years? Longer? You cared enough to have a plan in place to save her _if_ she made the choice you wanted her to, but not enough to even speak to her? Don't you think we could've used just a little damn reassurance along the way?!" His voice had risen angrily as he went on, and by the end it was a hoarse shout.

Rand merely absorbed the outrage. "Being able to see threads of the Pattern is not so much a gift as it is a burden," he said. "Over the years, I've discovered that what feels like noble action often causes grievous consequences that I cannot then prevent. I don't expect you to, but I ask that you believe me when I say that I did everything I could."

"Gon." Naeva tried to move, attempting to push herself up further, and failed. "There w-was... no b-better w-way."

"I won't believe that!" Gon lowered his head to his hands. "We thought you were dead _._ You meant to die."

"I... am n-not... dead." Naeva spoke wonderingly, as if she had a hard time believing it herself. Perhaps to demonstrate, she lifted her free hand a few inches and – after fixing it with a furious look – wiggled her fingers. "Even d-death-" She winced, and her hand dropped limply back to the couch. "-w-would h-have..."

"Naeva-chan, what's wrong?" Alluka asked in sudden concern.

Naeva only offered a weak shake of her head as response. Her eyelids fluttered twice, then fell shut.

"Hey." Killua bent over her immediately and put his hands on her shoulders. "Naeva!" She was still breathing, but she didn't respond. Remembering the way the doll had breathed on its own, he felt his pulse slow with dread. Killua whirled around to skewer Rand with a glare. "Did she reject the body? What just happened?"

"She is alright! She is only asleep," Rand said hastily. "This is a complex process. Naeva will need to give this body rest to recover completely." He rose to his feet with a sigh. "There are still a few things I must make known to you, and I have limited time remaining before I can no longer keep myself in this world. Please, listen." He bent to touch a fingertip over the crystal nestled in Naeva's skin. "This is the home of Naeva's soul, and it will remain so. Eventually it will sink more fully into her skin, but it shall always be a vulnerability. If this crystal breaks, she will die. You must make her aware of that." He pressed the knuckles of one hand into the small of his back as he straightened.

Killua stared down at that small, fragile looking gem and suppressed a shudder. When Gon's head snapped up like he was going to start freaking out again, he hurriedly spoke first. "I understand."

Rand smiled, still looking at Naeva. "This body will age as her original would have, and the full potential of her lifespan has been restored." He blinked up, refocusing. "I have gifts for each of you, if you will accept them."

"Gifts?" Alluka glanced at Rand curiously. It was the first time she'd looked away from Naeva in a long while. "Why would you give us gifts?"

Rand chuckled. "You may consider them a small token of my immense gratitude. There were many points at which this could have all gone very wrong, but you each held strong and kept faith in one another no matter how grave the situation became." He opened his belt pouch to retrieve a weird little sphere of lacy metal. Within the outer sphere was a smaller one, and a smaller, and... Killua squinted and leaned in and could see no end to them. Rand went to Gon and extended the object toward him. It made a faint tinkling noise, like the tiniest chorus of bells.

"I don't _want_ any gift from you," Gon snapped obstinately.

Rand only nodded understanding. "Yes, I know. That is precisely why this object is meant for you. It is a _ter'angreal –_ one that requires no channeling to use. This particular _ter'angreal_ is extremely powerful and dangerous."

Killua grimaced. _How does he know exactly what to say to make Gon interested?_

Gon frowned at the sphere in Rand's palm and made no move to reach for it. His eyes, however, betrayed the glimmer of intrigue that Killua had known they would. "What does it do?"

"When squeezed within the hand of someone whose mind is clear and calm, this _ter'angreal_ will grant visions of the Pattern." Rand offered the explanation grimly. "You might think of it as a smaller, less chaotic version of what I see every day. In what is only one single second to the world around you, you can watch the next thirty minutes of your life play out numerous times. Each distinct variation will be the result of a different choice you or others you interact with in those thirty minutes might make. The number of possibilities you will see play out depends on the complexity of the situation – it could be dozens, hundreds, or even far more."

Gon finally took the sphere, holding it between a finger and thumb to stare into it. "Visions of the future?"

"Yes, Gon. In the Age of Legends it was called a Threadblink. Only four were ever made and I believe this is the last that survives." Rand released a heavy breath. "I recommend you use it sparingly, only when you feel you have genuine need of the insight. Overuse of a Threadblink will break even the strongest mind."

Gon sagged back into his chair and shook the sphere – Threadblink – around to produce more of that chiming noise. _Yikes. Way to be careful with the dangerous otherworldly relic, Gon._

Rand dipped into the small pouch again to pull out a rustic black dagger. It was odd, though. Killua was pretty sure that dagger was too long to have fit inside the pouch in the first place. Rand passed it over to his sister. _What does Alluka need an old dagger for?_

"Thank you," Alluka said politely, although she looked as baffled as he felt. She touched a finger to the blade and her eyebrows lifted. "This wouldn't cut anything at all."

Rand gave her a patient look. "It is another _ter'angreal_. With your hand wrapped around the hilt, you will become undetectable to anyone who carries hostile intent."

"Really?" Alluka turned the dagger over in her hands with new respect. "That's incredible..."

Killua arched an eyebrow. _It can sense hostile intent?_ "How undetectable are we talking?"

Rand darted him an amused glance. "To someone who wishes to cause harm, Alluka would be invisible. They could not hear any sound she makes or see evidence of her movements – no ripples in water, shifting of grass, or footprints in earth." Rand's eyes focused on Alluka seriously. "You could still be caught if you are bumped into or hit by an attack sent in your direction. The one sense it cannot overwrite is the sense of touch, so you must take utmost caution if you are threatened and relying upon the dagger."

Killua whistled appreciation. _More than incredible, Alluka._

His sister hugged that dull blade to her chest. "I will."

At last, Rand turned toward him. This time he withdrew a thick, leather bound book from the pouch at his waist. Unlike with the dagger, Killua had no doubts that book shouldn't have been able to fit into the pouch. Probably the little cloth bag was a _ter'angreal_ , too. When the book was extended to him, he took it very cautiously. _I wonder what sort of magic this does..._

The cover read 'The Travels of Jain Farstrider by Jain Farstrider – addendum by Matrim Cauthon' in peeling gold script.

Killua peered up at Rand. "What's this for?"

Rand blinked a few times. "It's a book, Killua. You can read it."

"What?" Killua asked, promptly dejected. _This is some kind of prank, right?_ "You gave Gon the ability to see the future, Alluka gets a super invisibility dagger, and I get... a book?"

A broad smile split Rand's expression. "It was my favorite book when I was your age, and that was before Mat added his very exciting addendum."

Well, that did absolutely nothing to assuage his disappointment. Killua cracked the spine open to flip through the soft parchment pages with a scowl. "I get a book." _Unbelievable! It'd better be the best damn book ever written._

"I hope that it will serve you well, Killua." There was such earnestness in Rand's voice that Killua looked back up to scrutinize him. Maybe it was the time watching everyone play at _daes dae'mar_ with each other, but he thought there was some subtext to those words that he might be missing. Rand turned his attention to Naeva then, sad and equally resolute. "She might hate me when she wakes up again. There was too much for her to process at first, but once she has had time to think about it... she will have reason to hate me." He swept his gaze over the rest of them. "Watch over one another well."

"We always do," Gon muttered.

Rand bent in an elegant bow. "I truly am honored to have been able to meet you all. Farewell."

Immediately, he began to fade away.

Killua's hand lashed out and took hold of the man's ghostly arm. It felt surprisingly solid, despite his transparency. "Thank you." The gratitude spilled from him almost of its own volition. "Thank you for saving her."

Rand's eyes widened, and a moment later so did his smile. Then he vanished entirely and Killua's hand dropped through what was only empty air.


	29. Epilogue

Alluka rolled over with a sleepy sigh, clutching an armful of blanket to her chest. Beside her on the wide bed, Naeva still slept. Her best friend had been unconscious ever since passing out mid-sentence yesterday. The man who'd named himself Rand Al'Thor had assured them that she was only in need of rest, but it was upsetting to watch her sleep so deeply after everything that had happened.

Killua had carried Naeva to her room after Rand Al'Thor disappeared into thin air, and Alluka had not left for more than a minute or two at a time since then. She'd managed to get her changed into comfortable pajamas, although the process of shifting her around like she was comatose made her feel terribly uneasy.

Now, through the soft fleece of Naeva's sweater, Alluka could see the pulsating light at her throat that marked the container holding her soul to her new body. It'd been nerve wracking to hold that tiny crystal in her palm and know that she held the life of her best friend. She'd placed it onto her skin with nothing to rely on but intuition; the fact that it'd somehow worked was astonishing.

 _Will Naeva wake up soon?_ Nanika's thought, but it was neatly in line with her own.

 _I don't know._ Alluka tried to feel less dismal about it. _I'm sure it won't be too much longer._

The events of the past few days had been a blur of terror and confusion – tempered occasionally with wonders that she'd never expected to have revealed to her. Between the White and Black Towers and the brief time spent in Malkier, Alluka had a better understanding now of the world Naeva had been born in. It certainly was nothing like she'd once imagined it to be.

 _It was so bad._ Nanika whimpered. _You were so afraid._

Alluka's hands curled tight around fistfuls of blanket. Recollection of the battle for the Black Tower – and its gory aftermath – played like a disorganized slideshow through her mind. _Draghkar, singing to steal your soul. Darkhounds that can only be killed by Balefire._

She shuddered in remembrance of the way Gon had screamed when the blood of the Darkhound had begun eating away at the flesh of his arm. He'd screamed and she'd known without doubt that he was going to die. Naeva's uncle was already a corpse on the stone floor and Gon was dying and _still_ , the Darkhounds had been charging at them. One of them had had its wild eyes locked on her as it advanced.

But then Naeva had tossed from her hand a power more fearsome than anyone should really be capable of. The Darkhounds each shattered and vanished, and in the same instant Mat was suddenly alive again. Gon had gone from thrashing about on the floor and clawing at his bloody arm to standing just beside Alluka – completely unharmed and with that formerly wounded arm slung around her own shoulders.

 _I guess that everything has been undone now. All of those injuries, even the deaths. None of Ishamael's attacks ever happened. How many people will ever know that it was Naeva who brought them back?_ The ramifications of that second, stronger bolt of Balefire were even more impossible than the first. Her best friend had been willing to forfeit her life to ensure that. _Why didn't you talk to me, Naeva-chan? I just don't understand. You didn't even give me the chance to say goodbye._

One moment Alluka was sipping on sweet tea in the M'Hael's study and one blink later she'd been back in the hotel suite as if she'd never left at all. Her brother had been the only one to know what had happened, and when he finally tried to explain...

She had just begun to feel the impact of the worst news she'd ever heard when that mysterious man had swooped in with his barely believable miracle. Without the unforeseen intervention of Rand Al'Thor, she didn't think she would ever have been able to come to terms with what Naeva had done.

Alluka frowned at her unconscious best friend. _I don't forgive you just yet. I'm so glad that you're okay, but you have serious explaining to do once you can talk and move properly again. And I... I can't spend another whole day just moping in here._

She pushed herself to get up out of bed. At the sticky way her pajamas clung to her skin, Alluka wrinkled her nose in disgust. _I'm a mess._ She shuffled over to the dresser and assembled an outfit for herself, dropped the fresh clothes in the adjoining bathroom, and checked to confirm that there were clean towels. After one last fretful glance at Naeva, Alluka stepped out from the room.

Gon and Killua were up, and they both looked considerably more ready for the day than she did. Seated together on the couch, the two cut off their hushed conversation as she wandered in. _What are they up to?_ It was a frustrated and weary thought. Much as she wished it wasn't the case, she was used to being left out of the loop. It bothered her the way her brother averted his eyes immediately from hers, but she decided to put off figuring out what was on his mind until later... maybe once she was cleaned up and feeling less grumpy.

"Good morning, Alluka." Gon greeted her with a wide smile. That was already enough to lift her mood a little.

Killua, too, finally looked at her. His smile was somewhat strained. "Did you sleep okay?"

"I had a couple of bad dreams," Alluka admitted.

Her dreams had been horrendous distortions of recent events. In the one she could still remember, Abrim Cauthon had been riding a massive Darkhound like a horse and chasing her down. That betrayal was nearly as haunting as the meeting with the Forsaken Ishamael himself – not quite in person, but piloting the body of a man who'd looked much like a zombie from a scary movie.

Alluka gave her head a light shake. "Anyway I'm up now, so good morning." She darted an anxious glance backward at the door to the bedroom she had left. "I really want to take a shower, but I also don't want Naeva to be all alone when she wakes up."

Gon and Killua shared a long look with one another, and then Gon hopped up from the couch.

"I can sit with her for a while," he said brightly.

Alluka offered a grateful smile. It felt flimsy, but Gon didn't seem to mind. As he passed by her to take up sentry duty at Naeva's bedside, he mussed her already messy hair with fondness. She blushed.

Killua got up to give her a hug. "She'll wake up soon, Alluka. You're doing okay, right?"

"I'm okay." Maybe she wasn't _exactly_ okay, but it was easier to stick with the simple and mostly honest answer. Alluka gave him a kiss on the cheek. "How about you, Onii-chan?"

Killua's eyes darkened briefly with some internal conflict before he blinked it all away. "I'm fine."

Alluka frowned. Her brother was always so strong, but sometimes he needed reassurance more than anyone else. She mustered a more enthusiastic smile for him. "You should order some room service. You're looking a little paler than usual."

Killua nodded as if the idea of food hadn't even occurred to him. His stomach agreed with a loud rumble. "Yeah, I'll send for something. Pancakes sound alright to you?"

"Yum." Alluka realized then that she was pretty hungry herself, but getting cleaned up still needed to take priority. "Don't wait for me, though. Eat something."

Killua smiled wryly. "Okay, okay. I get it."

Alluka waited to see her brother obligingly pick up the phone to dial room service before she returned to her room. Gon was already sunk low into one of the cushy blue chairs, eyeing Naeva's sleeping form sadly. He perked himself up when she entered, putting on a good display of optimism. She waved her hand. "I'll be quick. My brother is going to order up some breakfast. Or, maybe it's lunch, since I slept in so late."

Gon put a hand on his stomach. "Lemme guess, pancakes?" She grinned in response and he laughed. "I hope Killua thinks to order some bacon, or something. He'd probably be satisfied with only maple syrup."

"I hope Naeva wakes up to eat with us," Alluka added softly, posture slumping. "I wish that man had told us more." Was he even who he'd claimed to be? Could he really have been the Dragon Reborn who'd saved that world from its own peculiar apocalypse? _I guess I don't actually care either way. He did save Naeva, and that's good enough for me._

Gon turned his attention back to the bed. For an instant his eyes flashed angrily, swirling with distant thoughts. He'd been not at _all_ impressed by the Dragon Reborn.

Alluka forced herself onward to the bathroom before she was tempted to call off the shower entirely in favor of continuing her gloomy vigil. "Just yell for me if anything happens, please."

"I will." Gon's swift reply rang out behind her.

Once she'd shut the bathroom door, Alluka released a heavy sigh. As she was undressing, she heard Gon's low, muffled voice from the next room.

"You've gotta wake up soon, Naeva." Gon sounded pleading. "Alluka is so worried about you."

Alluka felt her face heat again. _He really doesn't have to have to worry about me like that._ She hurriedly turned on the shower faucet and let it run itself to the proper temperature. Steam had filled the air by the time she climbed in. True to her word, she made it a fast shower. The most time was consumed washing her long hair, but that wasn't something she could just skip. It was such a scraggly, tangled mess – as it always was first thing in the morning. Naeva had affectionately called that look 'cute' multiple times, but Alluka couldn't look into the mirror at her sleep-addled appearance and see anything but a very unkempt girl staring back at her.

After drying off with a fluffy hotel towel, Alluka dressed herself speedily. While in Naeva's old world she'd found herself rather enjoying wearing the ornate gowns she'd been given. She was going to miss them, just a teensy bit. _Maybe I can have some dresses like those made for me somewhere. Or I could try making them myself..._ At least her own clothes were a source of comfort. Alluka tied her belt into a wide bow around her waist and twirled to regard her reflection in the mirror. There was still a drowsiness in her eyes, but she both felt and looked significantly more refreshed.

Alluka walked back into the bedroom still dragging a wide toothed comb through her hair. She tried to put some lightness into her step.

Gon's eyes locked on her immediately. "You look like you feel better, Alluka." He offered a chipper grin and she returned it.

Naeva was still very much asleep, but Alluka decided not to let that turn her to pessimism. She sat herself down on the edge of the bed. "Thank you for keeping watch, Gon-kun. I really appreciate it."

"Of course!" For all the exuberance in his voice, Gon's eyebrows drooped sorrowfully. "Naeva hasn't moved yet."

Unable to resist herself, Alluka reached out and pinched his cheek. His face flushed a delightful shade of pink, and that made her grin. "She will."

Gon clapped a palm over his cheek in a defensive fashion, but he was grinning, too. "You're right. Anyway, I did hear room service arrive. Wanna go with me and make sure Killua hasn't eaten it all already?"

"I am h-hungry."

Alluka jumped. Naeva had opened her eyes and was staring up at her with that familiar, steel-blue gaze. "Naeva-chan...?" she whispered, stunned and then promptly elated. Alluka threw her arms around her best friend, only just barely remembering that she should be gentle.

Naeva laughed. She squeezed back weakly, and then her arms dropped down to the bed like it'd been a great effort to hold them up. It probably had. "I f-feel s-so..." Her words trailed away and she finished her sentence with a grimace.

Gon slouched into his chair with a relieved smile. "I was starting to think someone might have to kiss you awake like in the fairy tales."

Naeva's eyes glinted mischief and Gon yelped, jumping up out of the chair like something had pricked him. "H-ha." She gloated.

Gon stuck his tongue out at her, but then he was laughing. "I'm glad to see you're still your usual self. You sure are mean _,_ for a princess."

The door to the room opened with a bang and Killua rushed in. He halted mid-pace when he saw that Naeva was awake. "I thought I heard you," he whispered. "Then, when Gon shrieked I was sure."

Gon's jaw dropped and he snapped it shut again with a scowl. "Hey, I've been pinched twice in just the last minute. You'd have shrieked, too."

Naeva's elbows shook as she tried to push herself up. Alluka got an arm around her just before she flopped back down again. With her help, Naeva managed to awkwardly shift around until she was sitting up and leaning against the headboard. Her mouth opened and closed like she had wanted to say something and then thought better of it. Probably she didn't feel like expending the energy necessary to stutter through a comeback.

"Onii-chan, is there still some breakfast?" Alluka turned to her brother hopefully.

Killua crossed his arms. "Are you implying that I'm gluttonous enough to have eaten it all without you?" At that, Gon snorted laughter and her brother shot him a quick glare.

Naeva stuck out a slightly trembling lower lip. It seemed she remembered how to pout effectively. "I r-really... am h-hungry."

Alluka tilted her head. "This new body has probably never even eaten anything." She giggled at a sudden thought. "I'll have to feed you until you figure out how to work your arms again."

Naeva's pout vanished beneath dismay.

Killua rolled his eyes. "Maybe you'll learn better patience, if sheer force of will isn't enough to get your body to obey." He got the quip out, but in the next second he yelped even more loudly than Gon had. Then he was glowering and rubbing at a spot on his hip. "Maybe not. You could at least be nicer if you expect to be carried around. Don't think I won't leave you to sit in this room all day like an invalid." Abruptly, Naeva's expression melted into a sweet simper and Killua's face flushed in response. "I guess that's better," he griped, but he was already moving to scoop Naeva up out of the bed and her responding smile had a hint of victory to it.

Gon chuckled. "You squealed like a little girl, Killua. Told you so." He was already headed for the door, and darted nimbly aside when her brother aimed a kick at him.

Alluka was positively beaming. Her spirits felt brighter than they had in a long time... but then again, had it really been so long? The time in Naeva's world had certainly dragged, but it'd only been a week. She bounded to her feet and dashed ahead of her brother to chase after Gon.

In the living room, the tray of room service that Killua had ordered was still untouched. That sight brought a frown to her face. He'd probably done nothing more than sulk over whatever thoughts were secretly troubling him.

Alluka served her brother a reproachful look after he straightened up from setting Naeva down on the couch. "You told me that you would eat something, Onii-chan." He did at least look contrite when she shoved a fork and plate in his direction.

"I was a little distracted," Killua mumbled, forking an entire stack of pancakes onto his plate and drenching them liberally in syrup. Pointedly, he took a large bite. Alluka nodded brisk approval before filling a plate each for Naeva and herself.

Gon was munching a crispy slice of bacon – so Killua _had_ thought of him when he'd placed the order. After he finished it, he began languidly buttering a piece of toast. "Y'know, I have about a million things I thought I wanted to say," he started slowly, then flicked his eyes up to fix Naeva with a serious look. "Then, when you finally woke up, I guess I realized that I wasn't angry anymore. I still feel like I should be, but I'm just too glad that you're actually alive."

Naeva frowned, looking thoroughly chastened despite that Gon had been very gentle with his reproof. When she opened her mouth to attempt a reply, Alluka seized the opportunity to shove a forkful of pancake in.

"I don't want to hear you struggle to justify _any_ of it yet," Alluka told her, and a bit more sharply than she'd meant to. "We can talk about it later – maybe when you can string a sentence together without stuttering."

Naeva chewed the bite of food, her guilty look slipping away into appreciation. Whether that was for her words or for the taste of the syrupy pancakes, Alluka couldn't tell. Once she had swallowed the bite, Naeva's expression furrowed with concentration and she reached for the fork. Her hand missed and fumbled with empty air, but on the second try she got it. "I h-have to pr-prr..."

"Pray?" Gon cocked his head to the side, baffled.

"Practice." Killua rolled his eyes. "Jeez, you're such an idiot."

Naeva smiled and adjusted her grip on the utensil to point out Killua had the correct guess.

Alluka set Naeva's plate in her lap. Then she focused her attention on eating her own food. She'd forgotten how hungry she was in the excitement of having her best friend back. Gon passed her that first piece of buttered toast and she took it happily.


End file.
